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Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work!
Say hello to new friends, new business opportunities, new love, and new confidence Okay, so you're shy. Here are 85 proven techniques to help you conquer your shyness and change your life for good. No psychobabble. No nonsense. These tested "ShyBusters" prepare you for that upcoming party, work function, interview, date, and the rest of your life. As someone who overcame debilitating shyness herself, professional speaker Leil Lowndes used this method to become a confident woman who has been interviewed on hundreds of TV and radio shows and has spoken to crowds of 10,000. You'll soon be making "fearless conversation" with people who used to intimidate you. You'll learn how to win the love you deserve and ask for whatever you want. You will overcome embarrassing stammering, sweating, clamming up, and wishing you were invisible. Good-Bye to Shy will show you how to:
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
49 people are currently reading
891 people want to read
About the author
Leil Lowndes
102 books493 followersLeil Lowndes is an author and internationally recognized communications expert who specializes in subconscious interactions. She has conducted hundreds of seminars in the US and around the world for major corporations, associations, and the general public, and frequently appears as a guest expert on national television shows and major news networks. She has authored ten bestselling books on communications — most recently, How to Talk to Anyone at Work: 72 Little Tricks for Big Success Communicating on the Job — and is published in over 26 foreign languages. She lives in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
September 21, 2013
There is a lot of trite advice, but the book also covers some basic cognitive behavioral ideas.
It would be very useful for someone who is just starting to work on their shyness.
For anxiety sufferers, I would recommend a CBT workbook in addition to it. I would recommend "Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" or "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Dummies."
It would be very useful for someone who is just starting to work on their shyness.
For anxiety sufferers, I would recommend a CBT workbook in addition to it. I would recommend "Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" or "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Dummies."
November 14, 2014
First half of the book has some really good advices (which I will use). Second half concentrates more on love relationships, how to meet someone and how to raise your future kids not being shy. Also, I can't believe that Croatian edition came out this year. This book is old (2006) , I mean, in the field of self-help or so called psychology, 8 years is a lot and I doubt that there aren't better books to translate.
p.s. There are a lot of empty pages, design that irritates.
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Ova knjiga je kod nas prevedena kao "Kako razviti samopouzdanje". Prvi dio ima nekih zaista dobrih savjeta, koje ću koristiti ubuduće. Drugi dio knjige se više posvećuje na ljubavne veze, kako upoznati nekoga ako ste sramežljivi i kako prepoznati i odgojiti sramežljivo dijete.
Također što moram spomenuti, ne mogu vjerovati da je kod nas ta knjiga izdana tek sada. Po meni, 8 godina je dugo vremena za ovakvo nekakvo područje, a osim toga sumnjam da nema boljih knjiga iz područja samopomoći i te tzv. popularne psihologije da se prevedu na hrvatski.
p.s. I postoji puno praznih stranica, to je dizajn koji me iritira.
p.s. There are a lot of empty pages, design that irritates.
************
Ova knjiga je kod nas prevedena kao "Kako razviti samopouzdanje". Prvi dio ima nekih zaista dobrih savjeta, koje ću koristiti ubuduće. Drugi dio knjige se više posvećuje na ljubavne veze, kako upoznati nekoga ako ste sramežljivi i kako prepoznati i odgojiti sramežljivo dijete.
Također što moram spomenuti, ne mogu vjerovati da je kod nas ta knjiga izdana tek sada. Po meni, 8 godina je dugo vremena za ovakvo nekakvo područje, a osim toga sumnjam da nema boljih knjiga iz područja samopomoći i te tzv. popularne psihologije da se prevedu na hrvatski.
p.s. I postoji puno praznih stranica, to je dizajn koji me iritira.
October 10, 2014
Decently practical, contains a good number of advice. Based on gradual exposure method, offers non-medicated readers a program of steps, I will recommend it around to sad shy people.
I liked:
- the mental diet bit, on halting chains of negative thoughts through listening to positive/involving audio things
- the bit about shyness and it's origins, with a mention of situational shyness and social avoidance types
- the bit about emotional needyness and enhanced feelings from shy people
- the 100 questions to interview yourself put in the end, to work on
I liked:
- the mental diet bit, on halting chains of negative thoughts through listening to positive/involving audio things
- the bit about shyness and it's origins, with a mention of situational shyness and social avoidance types
- the bit about emotional needyness and enhanced feelings from shy people
- the 100 questions to interview yourself put in the end, to work on
September 9, 2021
Another great one from my girl Leil! I think I listen to her audiobooks now more for the hilarious narration than for the content. I have social anxiety and although I'm not terribly shy, many tips in this books are very helpful. I love Leil as always. She has the best stories to illustrate her own battle with shyness. Why be a Shy when you can be a Sure!? Read this if you struggle with shyness!
November 28, 2022
I guess the book can be helpful to extremely shy and introverted people. The first part covers different situations and tips/ challenges on how to overcome your shyness. The second part of the book covers dating and having children for shy people. The last part is 100 questions to ponder about or get to know yourself better. But the main insights for me from the book are:
Write a list with situations that are terrifying to you and order them from least to most scary. Then start with the least ones and progress until you get to the most terrifying situation. Break them down into small steps - like you are climbing a staircase. In that way you will slowly build up your muscles so no step is too high. Also get creative, eg if you are scared speaking to authority, try speak with a supervisor from a different apartment - in that case they don’t have direct authority over you. As next step - talk to your own supervisor. Next chat with the department head, etc.
For effective eye contact when greeting someone look them in the eyes and silently say I like you.
Acting classes can help you a lot with shyness, speaking and social events.
Write a list with situations that are terrifying to you and order them from least to most scary. Then start with the least ones and progress until you get to the most terrifying situation. Break them down into small steps - like you are climbing a staircase. In that way you will slowly build up your muscles so no step is too high. Also get creative, eg if you are scared speaking to authority, try speak with a supervisor from a different apartment - in that case they don’t have direct authority over you. As next step - talk to your own supervisor. Next chat with the department head, etc.
For effective eye contact when greeting someone look them in the eyes and silently say I like you.
Acting classes can help you a lot with shyness, speaking and social events.
July 11, 2017
At a certain point in my life, I became incredibly shy around new people. This book was great, because I could skip around to the parts that were useful to me. It really did change me from a cripplingly shy person in new situations into someone who knows that there's nothing to fear when meeting new people. From time to time I've had people mention that I wouldn't know what it's like to be shy, seeing as how outgoing I am. But I have to laugh, because I know how badly I needed this book and how different my life might have been without it.
April 1, 2020
Don't tell/allude with a laugh/make a list of topics/bring up topics you're knowledgeable about. focus on remembering the good things and not the painful things, record immediately so you dont add details, don't chose toxic friends,chose in need of friend,
Read
January 10, 2021some good stuff, some ridiculous stupid stuff.
the good:
-you don't feel inept because you aren't a professional football player, so why feel inadequate that you don't plat the witty banter game?
-4 main things shys do: 1) imagine disapproval or rejection when it isn't there. 2) think they performed in past events far more negatively than they did. 3) distort or forget the good experiences. 4) during a tense situation, 'watch' themselves from outside like a disapproving audience. therefore: people like you a lot more than you think they do. you performed a lot better in past situations than you think you did. your rejection is greatly imagined.
-the more you play the avoidance game, the harder it is to quit. anxiety subsides following an avoidant response, thus reinforcing and escalating the avoidant response.
-snap out of the 'beat me again master' body language. throw your shoulders back, head up.
-as who what when where why and how questions to keep conversations rolling. don't give one word answers to questions. ask people what they think about the subject. listen, smile, nod. passion slays shyness, talk about a topic you are passionate about.
-list worst case scenarios and write out what to do in each case
-reject imagined rejection!
-silently say to yourself 'i like you' while looking someone in the eye/looking at them. increase to 'i really like you' add more reallys to extend eye contact.
-children who are overprotected by their parents run a much higher risk of being shy according to a study called "the development of anxiety: the role of control in the early environment". this study found that "parents who exert maximal control over a child's activities and decisions can negatively influence the child's sense of being able to control his or her own environment" -psychology bulletin 124(1998) by b.f. chorpita and d.h. barlow.
-in a study done at bars, dr timothy perper discovered if a woman is interested in a man who looks at her, she will first modestly look away, and then look up again within forty-five seconds. so for shy people, if men's eyes are elsewhere when that woman looks up, she assumes rejection while he misses her signal of interest. in a study called 'nonverbal courtship patterns in women: context and consequences' men don't usually approach a woman unless she has given him a subtle nonverbal invitation. the most common signal? a simple smile.
--the bad:
-the book implies that if you do any of its steps just once, it will all be easier after that like "talk to a stranger in a bar and then you'll never hide in a corner again."
-suggests repeatedly dating people you aren't interested in so that there's no pressure, and repeatedly going to interviews at jobs you aren't interested in.
-says to make friends with an extrovert. yeah, if i could make friends just like that then i wouldn't be reading this book.
-says to 'sound dazzled over the dullest things'
-says conversations at parties are all about the same old stuff, movies, marriage, kids, pets, vacations, sports, celebrities, and national disasters. so if you study up on those things before hand you'll magically be able to hold a normal conversation. (and fails to suggest what to do when a shy person encounters that paralyzing anxiety where the mind goes blank despite earlier preparations)
-says to do the 'demented duck' exercise where you "run around the house acting like a demented duck on speed in the mornings. get loony, get loud, get unglued...from shyness. explode you energy sky high in the morning, let it settle gradually. this works a lot better than trying to haul it out of a hole" yeah, because i can magically pull energy out of my ass first thing in the mornings when i normally have to drag it up from a hole. "run around the room in your underwear and flap your arms like a demented duck. shout like a football fan. jump up and down like a rabbit on speed. laugh like a lunatic. whirl around like a tornado. fall back on the bed, kick your legs high in the air, and should at the top of your lungs. since your body, face, and voice are warmed up and full of energy, it now feels natural to wave your arm, smile, and give a hearty hello. **um, not it doesn't. wasting my energy like that would leave me with that much less to face the day with. i'd probably end up going back to sleep after such behavior. and acting like an ass doesn't inspire confidence in me and would probably freak out the dogs.
the good:
-you don't feel inept because you aren't a professional football player, so why feel inadequate that you don't plat the witty banter game?
-4 main things shys do: 1) imagine disapproval or rejection when it isn't there. 2) think they performed in past events far more negatively than they did. 3) distort or forget the good experiences. 4) during a tense situation, 'watch' themselves from outside like a disapproving audience. therefore: people like you a lot more than you think they do. you performed a lot better in past situations than you think you did. your rejection is greatly imagined.
-the more you play the avoidance game, the harder it is to quit. anxiety subsides following an avoidant response, thus reinforcing and escalating the avoidant response.
-snap out of the 'beat me again master' body language. throw your shoulders back, head up.
-as who what when where why and how questions to keep conversations rolling. don't give one word answers to questions. ask people what they think about the subject. listen, smile, nod. passion slays shyness, talk about a topic you are passionate about.
-list worst case scenarios and write out what to do in each case
-reject imagined rejection!
-silently say to yourself 'i like you' while looking someone in the eye/looking at them. increase to 'i really like you' add more reallys to extend eye contact.
-children who are overprotected by their parents run a much higher risk of being shy according to a study called "the development of anxiety: the role of control in the early environment". this study found that "parents who exert maximal control over a child's activities and decisions can negatively influence the child's sense of being able to control his or her own environment" -psychology bulletin 124(1998) by b.f. chorpita and d.h. barlow.
-in a study done at bars, dr timothy perper discovered if a woman is interested in a man who looks at her, she will first modestly look away, and then look up again within forty-five seconds. so for shy people, if men's eyes are elsewhere when that woman looks up, she assumes rejection while he misses her signal of interest. in a study called 'nonverbal courtship patterns in women: context and consequences' men don't usually approach a woman unless she has given him a subtle nonverbal invitation. the most common signal? a simple smile.
--the bad:
-the book implies that if you do any of its steps just once, it will all be easier after that like "talk to a stranger in a bar and then you'll never hide in a corner again."
-suggests repeatedly dating people you aren't interested in so that there's no pressure, and repeatedly going to interviews at jobs you aren't interested in.
-says to make friends with an extrovert. yeah, if i could make friends just like that then i wouldn't be reading this book.
-says to 'sound dazzled over the dullest things'
-says conversations at parties are all about the same old stuff, movies, marriage, kids, pets, vacations, sports, celebrities, and national disasters. so if you study up on those things before hand you'll magically be able to hold a normal conversation. (and fails to suggest what to do when a shy person encounters that paralyzing anxiety where the mind goes blank despite earlier preparations)
-says to do the 'demented duck' exercise where you "run around the house acting like a demented duck on speed in the mornings. get loony, get loud, get unglued...from shyness. explode you energy sky high in the morning, let it settle gradually. this works a lot better than trying to haul it out of a hole" yeah, because i can magically pull energy out of my ass first thing in the mornings when i normally have to drag it up from a hole. "run around the room in your underwear and flap your arms like a demented duck. shout like a football fan. jump up and down like a rabbit on speed. laugh like a lunatic. whirl around like a tornado. fall back on the bed, kick your legs high in the air, and should at the top of your lungs. since your body, face, and voice are warmed up and full of energy, it now feels natural to wave your arm, smile, and give a hearty hello. **um, not it doesn't. wasting my energy like that would leave me with that much less to face the day with. i'd probably end up going back to sleep after such behavior. and acting like an ass doesn't inspire confidence in me and would probably freak out the dogs.
February 19, 2025
Meh. Decent. First half was good, second half had some things I didn’t really agree with but the first have had some good thoughts for sure. I think this was more of a “severe social anxiety” book rather than a “shy” book which wasn’t really what I was looking for, but I still enjoyed it either way. I also really liked the questions at the very end.
September 6, 2021
i want to boost my confidence to with anyone
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 22, 2022
Definitely a Leil book.
I love her writing style.
Must read for tips on personal development.
Read reviews of more such books
https://thegeminireads.wordpress.com/...
I love her writing style.
Must read for tips on personal development.
Read reviews of more such books
https://thegeminireads.wordpress.com/...
June 9, 2025
Some good shyness advice but way too much dating advice
July 27, 2025
A little bit helpful. A little bit ridiculous.
December 30, 2015
Decently practical, lots of good hints. Based on a progressive exposure method, offers listeners a program of steps, I will recommend it around to sad shy people.
I liked:
- the mental diet bit, on halting chains of negative thoughts through listening to stuff
- the bit about shyness and it's origins, with a mention of situational shyness and social avoidance types
- the bit about emotional needyness and enhanced feelings from shy people
I liked:
- the mental diet bit, on halting chains of negative thoughts through listening to stuff
- the bit about shyness and it's origins, with a mention of situational shyness and social avoidance types
- the bit about emotional needyness and enhanced feelings from shy people
Read
November 11, 2007buku tentang 92 trik menuju kesuksesan. Leil lowndes mengajak pembacanya utk berpikir secara lebih praktis. Tips n tricks yang diberikan lebih applicable kalau dibandingkan dengan buku dg author dale carnegie yang terkenal itu (how to win friends and influenced people)i think "how-to"nya lebih ngena! (siapa tahu how-to nya bisa di franchise-kan?)
January 2, 2012
maybe good for fourth graders, etc.... And unlike the book, I personally do think telling people I'm shy helps ! I embrace my shyness, when you tell peole you're shy they usually just get you more, and see you as less intimidating, also I think it just comes off kind of cute. Telling people I'm shy makes me feel more comfortable with my shyness.
October 8, 2014
I am really not sure if this will actually help, or if shyness is actually my problem. I may just not like to talk to people. Most of the suggestions in this book seemed ridiculous and I really am sorry I picked up this book.
April 3, 2015
For the most part, I think most self-help books are useless, but this one did have some helpful hints. Even though they may seem a bit off-the-wall, they do work.
A great book for people training for high-profile positions
A great book for people training for high-profile positions
January 8, 2016
This is a short book with lots of actionable steps that really amount to putting yourself out there. It really does assume that you have crippling shyness. I'm an introvert at heart, but I feel a lot of these examples would have prevented me from even going outside.
December 28, 2011
Tips for those who are socially awkward, in other words everyone. Some are goofy, some are helpful. To each their own I guess.
July 28, 2011
I'm not the target audience since I'm not really shy, but there were a few helpful tips.
March 10, 2012
This book was a little old and out of date. Some of the advice was corny but there were a few good tips.
October 18, 2012
I don't think this book is for everyone but it's the only one on the topic that helped me. Re-read or listen to this every year or so for about a decade now.
February 19, 2013
Really motivating, I now think if I am persistent enough I can get over my shyness even a little, I even started doing things in a different way, hope I will continue.
April 20, 2013
Finally i've finished this book lol
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 18, 2013
Very informative and helpful if you follow the author's tips.
Read
June 13, 2015Such a useless book tbh
July 12, 2016
I can see how this book would be helpful to the extremely shy--it uses basic psychological principles. I'd be interested in reading her other books on conversing with anyone.
December 10, 2016
Many things included in the book like the stories and the shy busters are somewhat effective and helpful.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews