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Frank Burly #1
The Time Machine Did It
One of a series of comedy science-fiction novels featuring slow-witted detective Frank Burly. By John Swartzwelder, the writer of 59 episodes of The Simpsons.
144 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2004
265 people are currently reading
3030 people want to read
About the author
John Swartzwelder
18 books310 followersJohn Joseph Swartzwelder Jr. is an American comedy writer and novelist, best known for his work on the animated television series The Simpsons. Born in Seattle, Washington, Swartzwelder began his career working in advertising. He was later hired to work on comedy series Saturday Night Live in the mid-1980s as a writer. He later contributed to fellow writer George Meyer's short-lived Army Man magazine, which led him to join the original writing team of The Simpsons, beginning in 1989.
He worked on The Simpsons as a writer and producer until 2003, and later contributed to The Simpsons Movie. He wrote the largest number of Simpsons episodes (59 full episodes, with contributions to several others) by a large margin. After his retirement from the show, he began a career as a writer of self-published absurdist novels. He has written more than a dozen novels, the most recent of which, The Spy with No Pants, was published in December 2020.
Swartzwelder is revered among comedy fans and his colleagues. He is known for his reclusiveness, and gave his first-ever interview in 2021, in The New Yorker. Per Mike Sacks, "Swartzwelder’s specialty on The Simpsons was conjuring dark characters from a strange, old America: banjo-playing hobos, cigarette-smoking ventriloquist dummies, nineteenth-century baseball players, rat-tailed carnival children, and pantsless, singing old-timers."
He worked on The Simpsons as a writer and producer until 2003, and later contributed to The Simpsons Movie. He wrote the largest number of Simpsons episodes (59 full episodes, with contributions to several others) by a large margin. After his retirement from the show, he began a career as a writer of self-published absurdist novels. He has written more than a dozen novels, the most recent of which, The Spy with No Pants, was published in December 2020.
Swartzwelder is revered among comedy fans and his colleagues. He is known for his reclusiveness, and gave his first-ever interview in 2021, in The New Yorker. Per Mike Sacks, "Swartzwelder’s specialty on The Simpsons was conjuring dark characters from a strange, old America: banjo-playing hobos, cigarette-smoking ventriloquist dummies, nineteenth-century baseball players, rat-tailed carnival children, and pantsless, singing old-timers."
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 348 reviews
May 14, 2021
The hero of The Time Machine Did It is a stupid overweight detective named Homer Simpson Frank Burly.
It’s easy to confuse Homer with Frank because author John Swartzwelder wrote over 50 episodes of The Simpsons. After he left the show, Swartzwelder, a notorious recluse, started writing absurd comic novels that he has self-published to avoid having to deal with demands of publishers. Apparently you can take the writer out of The Simpsons but you can’t take The Simpsons out of the writer because there’s a streak of outlandish humor featuring the so-dumb-it’s-smart lines that the show excelled at in its prime.
Frank Burly is a lousy detective who gets hired by a penniless bum who claims he was rich just the day before, and he wants Frank to find a figurine that used to be in the mansion he claimed he owned. Slow-witted Frank goes around asking questions and getting beaten up by crooked cops and criminals until he realizes that the thieves have gotten their hands on a time machine and are going to the past and stealing everything they can. Frank manages to get the time machine and takes his own trip to the past where he promptly starts wrecking history by doing things like starting World War II.
The plot, such as it is, is really just an excuse to string together a bunch of jokes about how stupid Frank is. For example:
“He went on and on about how delicate space and time was. I didn’t buy it. I mean, if you think it’s easy to change world events, try it. You don’t need a time machine. You’re already living in somebody’s past and someone else’s future. Just step on a bug or something and see what that gets you. See if now you were never born or suddenly now there’s fifty Hitlers in your bathroom, crapping all over everything. It ain’t going to happen. At least that’s what I figured.”
So there’s some funny stuff here, but with no real characters or plot, it’s really just a bunch of jokes strung together with no real impact after the initial chuckle factor. If you’re in the mood for some absurd humor, it’s quick and good for laughs, but overall it reads like a script for one of Treehouse of Horror scenes from The Simpsons.
It’s easy to confuse Homer with Frank because author John Swartzwelder wrote over 50 episodes of The Simpsons. After he left the show, Swartzwelder, a notorious recluse, started writing absurd comic novels that he has self-published to avoid having to deal with demands of publishers. Apparently you can take the writer out of The Simpsons but you can’t take The Simpsons out of the writer because there’s a streak of outlandish humor featuring the so-dumb-it’s-smart lines that the show excelled at in its prime.
Frank Burly is a lousy detective who gets hired by a penniless bum who claims he was rich just the day before, and he wants Frank to find a figurine that used to be in the mansion he claimed he owned. Slow-witted Frank goes around asking questions and getting beaten up by crooked cops and criminals until he realizes that the thieves have gotten their hands on a time machine and are going to the past and stealing everything they can. Frank manages to get the time machine and takes his own trip to the past where he promptly starts wrecking history by doing things like starting World War II.
The plot, such as it is, is really just an excuse to string together a bunch of jokes about how stupid Frank is. For example:
“He went on and on about how delicate space and time was. I didn’t buy it. I mean, if you think it’s easy to change world events, try it. You don’t need a time machine. You’re already living in somebody’s past and someone else’s future. Just step on a bug or something and see what that gets you. See if now you were never born or suddenly now there’s fifty Hitlers in your bathroom, crapping all over everything. It ain’t going to happen. At least that’s what I figured.”
So there’s some funny stuff here, but with no real characters or plot, it’s really just a bunch of jokes strung together with no real impact after the initial chuckle factor. If you’re in the mood for some absurd humor, it’s quick and good for laughs, but overall it reads like a script for one of Treehouse of Horror scenes from The Simpsons.
August 2, 2010
John Swartzwelder has written a zillion episodes of The Simpsons, and I'm guessing he's the guy who came up with the gag that Mr. Burns is always making ancient cultural references like "Idlewild Airport" and "Amalgamated Spats," because this entire book is in that vein: a bunch of little gags that are almost funny, but they probably aren't going to make you laugh.
Roughly every other sentence includes a pun or a zinger but I can't say I found any of them... funny. Sort of lightly amusing, maybe, but otherwise I didn't really get interested in the plot part of this time travel story (which is fine, since Swartzwelder doesn't seem that interested in the plot either).
Maybe it's me, maybe my brain has bad comic timing. But I like him better as a TV writer. Because it is self-published (in a fancy way, but still) this book is hard to find used and not really worth $16 on Amazon. I read it in about 90 minutes, but luckily I was able to track down a library copy.
Roughly every other sentence includes a pun or a zinger but I can't say I found any of them... funny. Sort of lightly amusing, maybe, but otherwise I didn't really get interested in the plot part of this time travel story (which is fine, since Swartzwelder doesn't seem that interested in the plot either).
Maybe it's me, maybe my brain has bad comic timing. But I like him better as a TV writer. Because it is self-published (in a fancy way, but still) this book is hard to find used and not really worth $16 on Amazon. I read it in about 90 minutes, but luckily I was able to track down a library copy.
March 4, 2012
Hilarious, unflaggingly hilarious from word one to the very last speck of ink! In no way is it a cerebral comedy, but it is a riot nevertheless. Swartzwelder is responsible for much of the off-beat humor featured in The Simpsons (he had a particular predilection for causing still, inanimate objects to inexplicably burst into flames), and any sentence from this book will make that obvious. He almost writes in the style of the godfathers of noir -- almost.
Ack. Excerpts should suffice.
"A sign out front of the hotel said 'Rooms With Heat: $2 A Night. Rooms Without Heat: $1. Rooms Without Anything: Ten Cents A Night.' Another sign said, 'We Don't Examine Money Very Closely.' This was the hotel for me."
.
"The next day, a dead turtle was left on my doorstep as a warning. I couldn't figure out as a warning for what, and I guess whoever was watching me picked up on that, because the next morning there was another dead turtle, but this one had several sheets of paper glued to its back leg. The pieces of paper contained a long footnoted explanation of all the symbolism involved. It didn't make a lot of sense to me. The turtle was the 'turtle of inquisitiveness' and the cheese smeared on its shell meant something, and the little cowboy boots on its feet meant something. Everything about this animal meant something apparently to whoever sent it. I still didn't get what it was all about. The next morning there was no turtle. Somebody just shot at me from the bushes."
.
"I told him yes, I did have an office, but we couldn't use it right now. He asked me why not and we stared at each other until both of us started to go to sleep."
.
"I dropped the pigeon I had been spit-shining, rushed over to the elevator, and stepped inside. The briefcase was there!"
.
"Their buildings were dangerous, stupid, and surprisingly inexpensive to construct for something so stupid. Among their most infamous creations were the futuristic looking, but doomed to collapse Skyscraper of Cards, which was made entirely of giant slabs of playing card material which were just kind of leaning against each other hopefully, and the Balloon Building, which was made of 100% balloon alloy. Their claim that balloon material was 50% stronger than tempered steel, which explained why they had to charge 80% more, was 0% true. In the three months following its dedication, the building kept slowly getting smaller and losing its shape, until finally somebody stepped on it."
.
"It was pretty late when I woke up. I felt the money in my pocket, pulled it out, counted it, and grunted with satisfaction. I had taken bigger beatings for less money, so I didn't really feel like I could complain. Besides, there wasn't anybody around to complain to. I had been out for quite awhile apparently. There were some soft drink containers on me that had been tossed there by passing motorists. I've been told by people that I'm shaped kind of like a garbage can, but I don't know if that's the truth, or just some kind of an insult. Anyway, it would explain all the soft drink containers. Also, I noticed there was a rabbit hiding under me."
.
"I looked around my office with quiet satisfaction. The place looked pretty nice. I had pictures on the walls of me posing with clues, getting yelled at by the mayor, and so on. There was a calendar on one wall that was running a couple of years slow, but it looked okay and had the months right, so I left it up. On another wall was a sign that said 'DO IT TOMORROW'. I got it cheap because it's bad advice."
.
"He dug into his smelly pocket and pulled out his squalid checkbook. He tore off a check that had flies buzzing around it and handed it to me."
.
"His tone changed immediately. 'You can't quit. I need you. No one else will help me because I have no money to offer them and my story is so preposterous. You're my only chance. I need help. My family needs help.'
"He jerked a thumb back over his shoulder. I saw a group of snooty looking tramps eyeing me coldly.
" 'My daughter used to be the #6 ranked debutant in the city,' he said. 'She was fondled by Presidents. Now she counts herself lucky when she gets slobbered on by a garbage man. If you won't continue on this case for my sake, do it for hers.'
"I looked over at his daughter. She gave me the finger. I didn't really feel like doing anything for this family."
.
"They waited for a few minutes for me to come up with a wisecrack, while I just stood there thinking and staring and sweating, then they left. I would have thought of one."
.
"He let go of my face, pocketed a couple of items that caught his fancy and left. This was two friendly warnings I had received in one 24 hour time period. A personal best. But friendly warnings aren't always as friendly as they sound. That night I wrote the word 'yikes' in my diary."
.
"She folded me in her arms and said she couldn't live without me, which was confusing because she'd been living without me for about thirty six years, by my estimate, judging by her teeth. (I forced open her jaws while she was putting on some music.)"
.
"Then I saw a geeky old guy with glasses, wearing a smock that had 'Professor Groggins' embroidered over the pocket. I was getting sick of everybody I met being named Professor Groggins, but something told me this was the real Professor Groggins. And that something was him."
Ack. Excerpts should suffice.
"A sign out front of the hotel said 'Rooms With Heat: $2 A Night. Rooms Without Heat: $1. Rooms Without Anything: Ten Cents A Night.' Another sign said, 'We Don't Examine Money Very Closely.' This was the hotel for me."
.
"The next day, a dead turtle was left on my doorstep as a warning. I couldn't figure out as a warning for what, and I guess whoever was watching me picked up on that, because the next morning there was another dead turtle, but this one had several sheets of paper glued to its back leg. The pieces of paper contained a long footnoted explanation of all the symbolism involved. It didn't make a lot of sense to me. The turtle was the 'turtle of inquisitiveness' and the cheese smeared on its shell meant something, and the little cowboy boots on its feet meant something. Everything about this animal meant something apparently to whoever sent it. I still didn't get what it was all about. The next morning there was no turtle. Somebody just shot at me from the bushes."
.
"I told him yes, I did have an office, but we couldn't use it right now. He asked me why not and we stared at each other until both of us started to go to sleep."
.
"I dropped the pigeon I had been spit-shining, rushed over to the elevator, and stepped inside. The briefcase was there!"
.
"Their buildings were dangerous, stupid, and surprisingly inexpensive to construct for something so stupid. Among their most infamous creations were the futuristic looking, but doomed to collapse Skyscraper of Cards, which was made entirely of giant slabs of playing card material which were just kind of leaning against each other hopefully, and the Balloon Building, which was made of 100% balloon alloy. Their claim that balloon material was 50% stronger than tempered steel, which explained why they had to charge 80% more, was 0% true. In the three months following its dedication, the building kept slowly getting smaller and losing its shape, until finally somebody stepped on it."
.
"It was pretty late when I woke up. I felt the money in my pocket, pulled it out, counted it, and grunted with satisfaction. I had taken bigger beatings for less money, so I didn't really feel like I could complain. Besides, there wasn't anybody around to complain to. I had been out for quite awhile apparently. There were some soft drink containers on me that had been tossed there by passing motorists. I've been told by people that I'm shaped kind of like a garbage can, but I don't know if that's the truth, or just some kind of an insult. Anyway, it would explain all the soft drink containers. Also, I noticed there was a rabbit hiding under me."
.
"I looked around my office with quiet satisfaction. The place looked pretty nice. I had pictures on the walls of me posing with clues, getting yelled at by the mayor, and so on. There was a calendar on one wall that was running a couple of years slow, but it looked okay and had the months right, so I left it up. On another wall was a sign that said 'DO IT TOMORROW'. I got it cheap because it's bad advice."
.
"He dug into his smelly pocket and pulled out his squalid checkbook. He tore off a check that had flies buzzing around it and handed it to me."
.
"His tone changed immediately. 'You can't quit. I need you. No one else will help me because I have no money to offer them and my story is so preposterous. You're my only chance. I need help. My family needs help.'
"He jerked a thumb back over his shoulder. I saw a group of snooty looking tramps eyeing me coldly.
" 'My daughter used to be the #6 ranked debutant in the city,' he said. 'She was fondled by Presidents. Now she counts herself lucky when she gets slobbered on by a garbage man. If you won't continue on this case for my sake, do it for hers.'
"I looked over at his daughter. She gave me the finger. I didn't really feel like doing anything for this family."
.
"They waited for a few minutes for me to come up with a wisecrack, while I just stood there thinking and staring and sweating, then they left. I would have thought of one."
.
"He let go of my face, pocketed a couple of items that caught his fancy and left. This was two friendly warnings I had received in one 24 hour time period. A personal best. But friendly warnings aren't always as friendly as they sound. That night I wrote the word 'yikes' in my diary."
.
"She folded me in her arms and said she couldn't live without me, which was confusing because she'd been living without me for about thirty six years, by my estimate, judging by her teeth. (I forced open her jaws while she was putting on some music.)"
.
"Then I saw a geeky old guy with glasses, wearing a smock that had 'Professor Groggins' embroidered over the pocket. I was getting sick of everybody I met being named Professor Groggins, but something told me this was the real Professor Groggins. And that something was him."
June 13, 2021
Basically just 10,000 jokes strung together with a loose plot. Extremely funny.
July 20, 2025
Like a lost season of The Simpsons during its prime. Take your time with it though, there's enough jokes here to last you a year, but they stop being funny if you try to race through it.
May 6, 2025
Swartzwelder's books were recommended by some very funny people (Peter Derk, Conor Lastowka). He's an early year Simpsons writer. Following the path of recommendations, I wonder if he's the progenitor of the deeply funny-stupid protagonist of other books I've enjoyed, like The Heist-est Heist Ever Heisted: A Heist Story of a Heist: Special Editor’s Edition, Ninja Sons, and Sorcerers Wanted, all of which I think went even deeper into stupidity with their main characters.
Every sentence is a gag. It's non-stop stupidity. It's very funny.
Too bad about the covers. It's enough to make you think Swartzwelder doesn't actually want to sell any books.
This was a workout book, when I remembered to bring my ipad to the gym so I could read it on the Kindle app while I was on the treadmill. I like reading while running. I haven't done it in a while, because I haven't actually exercised in a decade, but I'm back on track and enjoying it a lot. I'm going to need a lot more ebooks.
Every sentence is a gag. It's non-stop stupidity. It's very funny.
Too bad about the covers. It's enough to make you think Swartzwelder doesn't actually want to sell any books.
This was a workout book, when I remembered to bring my ipad to the gym so I could read it on the Kindle app while I was on the treadmill. I like reading while running. I haven't done it in a while, because I haven't actually exercised in a decade, but I'm back on track and enjoying it a lot. I'm going to need a lot more ebooks.
February 11, 2012
In college when I was obsessively re-watching early-mid-90s era Simpsons episodes, I discovered that one of the show's best writers, John Swartzwelder, had committed to two novellas. The other was a Western spoof called Double Wonderful, which I purchased but never read. This seemed like more interested material, and I came to enthusiastically read about half of The Time Machine Did It in late 2005-early 2006 (I believe). When I was packing away books to ship to my new home in Wisconsin just months ago, I decided to include this to finally finish it. Of course I needed a little recapitulation. Unfortunately, reexamining this and completing it nearly six years later wasn't/isn't very nostalgic at all. I found it hard to believe I highly praised this book that reads like the outline of a better, more humorous one. It, understandably, has a t.v. screenplay quality with tons of quips on historical events and repeated 'winking' at the reader (or fourth wall-breaking). If you're familiar with Swartzwelder's humor, you know it translates better to the short story format or something visual. Instead of shelling out $16 for this or any of his other seven novellas, wouldn't it be more interesting if he teamed up with an acclaimed graphic artist? Let's encourage that.
January 11, 2013
I read the reviews. I love the Simpsons. I had high hopes.
This is basically Police Chief Wiggum bumbling through a badly written time traveling story. The scifi is bad. The humor is heavy handed. The writing is in bad need of editing. I cannot say how disappointed I was.
If you want scifi, look elsewhere. If you want humor, look elsewhere. If you want Simpsons style writing, go watch some episodes.
This is basically Police Chief Wiggum bumbling through a badly written time traveling story. The scifi is bad. The humor is heavy handed. The writing is in bad need of editing. I cannot say how disappointed I was.
If you want scifi, look elsewhere. If you want humor, look elsewhere. If you want Simpsons style writing, go watch some episodes.
May 13, 2008
John Swartzwelder's truly unique sense of humor is the gem which shines through this somewhat rough novella. The jokes are all wholly original, as is the plot, which riffs on everyone's favorite hard-boiled detective fiction. Yet, a sense of vague familiarity precipitates the book. Perhaps its because Swartzwelder 55 Simpsons episodes, and was one of the most prominent figures in its writing room for the best seasons. Think of any off-kilter reference to late 19th century culture or strange multiple-entendres from The Simpsons: they're probably Swartzwelder's.
Swartzwelder, however, is a relatively obscure figure, much of his own design. Refusing interviews and public appearances, he's most frequently seen popping up in the background of Simpsons episodes--a joke by the other writers animators, who rarely saw him after Fox banned smoking from its offices and he refused to come to writers' meetings. (He preferred working from a booth from a diner, installed in this home).
As far as The Time Machine Did It goes, a sense of his tortured genius prevails in its pitiful protagonist, Frank Burly, whos the butt of many jokes and on the receiving end of more merciless beatings than Rocky Balboa or Wiley Coyote ever had to sit back and take.
Bottom line:
Loved it, everyone who appreciates modern, plot driven and often absurdist humor should read this.
Swartzwelder, however, is a relatively obscure figure, much of his own design. Refusing interviews and public appearances, he's most frequently seen popping up in the background of Simpsons episodes--a joke by the other writers animators, who rarely saw him after Fox banned smoking from its offices and he refused to come to writers' meetings. (He preferred working from a booth from a diner, installed in this home).
As far as The Time Machine Did It goes, a sense of his tortured genius prevails in its pitiful protagonist, Frank Burly, whos the butt of many jokes and on the receiving end of more merciless beatings than Rocky Balboa or Wiley Coyote ever had to sit back and take.
Bottom line:
Loved it, everyone who appreciates modern, plot driven and often absurdist humor should read this.
January 23, 2009
funniest book ever!
May 4, 2021
The funniest thing I’ve ever read.
May 14, 2021
2021 reads, #27. Notorious Simpsons writer John Swartzwelder recently granted his first-ever in-depth interview of his entire career; and it was there that I learned that what Swartzwelder has been doing with his time post-Simpsons is self-publishing a series of zany private-eye-meets-metaphysics novels in the style of Douglas Adams' "Dirk Gently" books, so needless to say that I picked up the first one with great enthusiasm and anticipation. But alas, this reads less like a book from a Simpsons writer and more like a book from the Simpsons' Comic Book Guy, full of groan-inducing Henny Youngman-style ba-DUM-tssh one-liners and other such dated silliness. (Come on, fellow readers, admit it -- now that I've made the comparison, it's impossible to re-read the text and not hear it coming out in the sing-song voice of that infuriating character. THANK yooooou!!!) It's not exactly bad, and I did legitimately get a few chuckles out of it; but Lord, this wasn't nearly what I was expecting from the person widely acknowledged as the funniest writer of what's hands-down the funniest television show in history (or at least if you only count the first 15 seasons). Buyer beware.
May 8, 2021
Absurd, ridiculous, nonsensical. Frank Burly is a fantastic character in a whimsical parallel universe full of funny figures, goofy antics and shenanigans. Absolutely hilarious from beginning to end!
May 4, 2021
This is a sometimes exhausting novella which is double-parody of detective- and science-fiction, written by legendary and secretive ex-Simpsons contributor, John Swartzwelder. The jokes fly thick and fast. Not all hit the mark, and many somewhat interrupt the flow of the story, but at times there are moments of fine comic timing that make it all worth while.
...for example in this early vignette, when the lead character, Detective Burley, drops by a homeless man's home in the local dump and asks about a suspiciously valuable-looking object in his possession:
At other times the style didn't quite work for me, and worked almost as distractions from serious investment in the characters or narrative. Sometimes, for example, scenes of cartoonish action flashed by and were then already gone in the space of a couple of sentences:
Can you really imagine him bouncing for "an hour"?
Swartzwelder has a reputation for oddness and anti-social tendencies. Speculating, some passages seemed as if spat out unfettered by some comedy generating machine. If the Simpsons - to its benefit - was often like this in parts, it also had intermittent moments of pathos, even to the point of schmalziness. This book lacks that, and misses it too.
The plot device of the time machine allows Swartzwelder to exploit this knowledge of americana to the full, and showcases a fertile comic instinct, brimming with both affection and subversion for american pop-culture iconography. This book is flawed, but what with it being his first published, I would not say no to reading him again, and I can certainly recommend this one for its better moments.
...for example in this early vignette, when the lead character, Detective Burley, drops by a homeless man's home in the local dump and asks about a suspiciously valuable-looking object in his possession:
There were fancy paintings on the wall. I looked closer at one of them. It showed an old lady sitting on a chair.
"Did you paint this?" I asked. "Because it's good."
"Yeah, I painted it last night. So what? Get outta here. You ain't invited to as many places as you show up to."
There was a brass plate attached to the frame that said "Whistler's Mother."
"Wait a minute." I said. "This is Whistler's Mother!"
"Used to be, maybe. It's my mother now." [pg 18]
At other times the style didn't quite work for me, and worked almost as distractions from serious investment in the characters or narrative. Sometimes, for example, scenes of cartoonish action flashed by and were then already gone in the space of a couple of sentences:
I called them up, told them where the car was, and jumped out. I was going over sixty at the time, but luckily I didn't hit the ground. There was a cliff there and I just went harmlessly over that. But just when you're sailing along, thinking everything is going to be okay, something unexpected comes along to jar you out of your complacency. For me, in this case, it was the bottom of the cliff. I got bruised up pretty bad - they say I bounced for an hour - but luckily no bones were broken. That's where that protective layer of fat I was telling you about comes in. [pg 37]
Can you really imagine him bouncing for "an hour"?
Swartzwelder has a reputation for oddness and anti-social tendencies. Speculating, some passages seemed as if spat out unfettered by some comedy generating machine. If the Simpsons - to its benefit - was often like this in parts, it also had intermittent moments of pathos, even to the point of schmalziness. This book lacks that, and misses it too.
The plot device of the time machine allows Swartzwelder to exploit this knowledge of americana to the full, and showcases a fertile comic instinct, brimming with both affection and subversion for american pop-culture iconography. This book is flawed, but what with it being his first published, I would not say no to reading him again, and I can certainly recommend this one for its better moments.
February 2, 2013
Aside from the Douglas Adams books, this is probably the funniest book I've ever read. Written by the guy who's written more episodes of "The Simpsons" than anyone else, it really has a mid-90's Simpsons feel to it. There was a laugh out loud moment every few pages.
I think I liked it even more because it dealt with time travel, and I'm generally a aficionado of time travel stories, and this is a clever riff on time travel stuff.
If I had a complaint, it would be that it's not long enough. It's short, and moves along briskly, and feels like it's over too soon. But that's a minor quibble -- this works as well as any comic fiction book I can remember apart from Douglas Adams. Highly recommended.
I think I liked it even more because it dealt with time travel, and I'm generally a aficionado of time travel stories, and this is a clever riff on time travel stuff.
If I had a complaint, it would be that it's not long enough. It's short, and moves along briskly, and feels like it's over too soon. But that's a minor quibble -- this works as well as any comic fiction book I can remember apart from Douglas Adams. Highly recommended.
July 7, 2018
A funny mashup of hard-boiled detective novel and time-travel science fiction from John Swartzwelder, the single most prolific writer from the writing room of The Simpsons. It’s mostly just a loose framework on which to hang a series of jokes, but the jokes are funny enough, and the book is brief enough, that it’s not really a problem.
September 25, 2025
Very short, very silly and very eccentric. Lots and lots of very good jokes, usually one every two paragraphs. The plot, involving an incompetent private eye who stumbles on a conspiracy involving a time machine, is very much secondary to the humour.
June 27, 2010
Hilarious! Perfect combination of mystery, humor and a little science fiction. I literally laughed out loud, it was unbelievably funny.
May 18, 2010
I think this was the first book that ever made me laugh out loud. I started laughing from the first sentence and I couldn't stop laughing or put it down. Great read.
August 3, 2011
Funny is an understatement.
January 25, 2012
An absolutely hilarious novel. I laughed out loud numerous times. A very quick, joyful read.
June 30, 2012
SciFi readers are ruthless when it comes to critiquing an author's handling of the paradoxes of time travel. Swartzwelder decided to make every one a fodder for humor in this novella.
September 30, 2025
Ah yes, very Swartzweldian.
Reads like a really long Treehouse of Horror segment. Barely any plot at all, just non stop jokes. Swartzwelder was really standing on bitiness with this.
Reads like a really long Treehouse of Horror segment. Barely any plot at all, just non stop jokes. Swartzwelder was really standing on bitiness with this.
December 27, 2021
He went on and on about how delicate space and time was, but frankly I didn’t buy it. I mean, if you think it’s so easy to change the course of world events, try it. You don’t need a time machine. You’re already living in somebody’s past and somebody else’s future. Just step on a bug or something and see what that gets you. See if now you were never born, or suddenly now there’s fifty Hitlers in your bathroom, crapping all over everything. It ain’t going to happen. Anyway, that’s what I figured.
Frank Burly is a private detective who gets hired to find a stolen artifact from a multi-millionaire-crazy-homeless-person. As the title of the book tells you, the time machine did that, and Burly has to clean up the time mess.
It's fun and quick and random, I don't want more from a middle-of-the-pandemic-take-me-away book. Lots of reviewers comparing Burly to Homer Simpson, I don't share that. When you have three Golden Retrievers, two are smart and bring in the newspaper and carry shoes around, the third one is a derp with a heart of gold who'll try carrying the shoes but ends up eating them. That's Homer Simpson, a derp with a heart of gold. Burly, on the other hand, is more like a rottweiler, he's dumb and mean and he cannot rest a case because he's too dumb to know how.
February 5, 2023
I thought I would enjoy this a lot more. However, I'd lie if I said I didn't actually laugh out loud at a few parts. This book is so absolutely absurd that if you have any sense of humour at all, I can't see how you wouldn't find choice bits of the book hilarious.
As many other reviews mentioned, Frank Burly could basically be replaced with Homer Simpson (if he was a detective), and it would still make sense as a novel. This doesn't hurt the story too much, although it is hard not to make comparisons since Swartzwelder did write so many episodes for "The Simpsons." It often reads as if Swartzwelder MEANT for Burly to be a Homer Simpson stand-in.
The plot is farfetched and nonsensical, which is okay, because it only exists so that you, the reader, can laugh at Burly's bumbling hijinks. I think it's a good book for when you want to neutralize your literary palate before reading something more serious, but I don't think I'll be reading any of the other books in the series.
As many other reviews mentioned, Frank Burly could basically be replaced with Homer Simpson (if he was a detective), and it would still make sense as a novel. This doesn't hurt the story too much, although it is hard not to make comparisons since Swartzwelder did write so many episodes for "The Simpsons." It often reads as if Swartzwelder MEANT for Burly to be a Homer Simpson stand-in.
The plot is farfetched and nonsensical, which is okay, because it only exists so that you, the reader, can laugh at Burly's bumbling hijinks. I think it's a good book for when you want to neutralize your literary palate before reading something more serious, but I don't think I'll be reading any of the other books in the series.
February 29, 2012
John Swartzwelder, notoriously reclusive Simpsons scribe, is known for penning some of that show's funniest and most culturally pointed episodes. He is capable of being absurd without succumbing to plot-driven idiocy and able to nestle high-brow-rising humor next to the goofiest of puns without skipping a beat. Few of the show's current writers can boast his kind of output, whether you're measuring it by episode or by how many gags he can fit into any given minute.
His books (four so far) don't try to follow coherency as much as his work on The Simpsons. Instead, he uses the medium as a forum for his stream-of-consciousness wise-cracking. Mass by volume, these slim tomes have the same silly density as his episodes, even if they sprawl ten times as much. For the most part, Swartzwelder sticks to the same basic formula that made his shows a success: a fat and idiotic central character gets into all manner of monkey-shines and comes out mostly unchanged. Instead of Homer, though, our main man is called Frank Burly.
THE TIME MACHINE DID IT
Frank Burly introduces us to his unlikely career as a private eye. Although his primary talents are screwing things up and getting beaten on a regular basis, he ends up with a fairly important case. A bum claims that he used to be a millionaire, but criminals with a time machine retroactively stole his wealth. Burly's in over his head (heck, this guy gets in over his head just trying to tie his shoes), but that doesn't stop him from barreling headfirst into the mystery and subsequently making it messier and harder to solve. Quickly written, hastily plotted, and genuinely funny, this is one of the few books I've ever read that's gotten me to laugh out-loud, and on a regular basis. 5 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his imprisonment and torture by the criminals -- "I held up under all this pretty well. I was sleeping like a baby -- waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants."
DOUBLE WONDERFUL
Swartzwelder makes a mistake. Instead of one central character with the brains of a dusty cactus, he creates an entire town of them. The citizens of the Wild West town of Slackjaw are having economic troubles. Part of their problem is that the "wild" in their western town is missing; it's a pretty boring place, plus it exists in the shadows of the world-renowned Double Wonderful ranch, run by a wealthy couple who are so perfect, God owes them favors. They try desperately to bring fame and/or notoriety to their little corner of the world, but most of their ideas are pretty lame (encourage bandits to rob them, hang the mayor, etc.). They eventually get their wish, and it's mildly amusing, but the scattered scope of the story's lunacy and its slap-dash conclusion are pretty harried. You won't laugh as much as you'll roll your eyes. Not bad; not great. Notable mainly because the story's central theme (the horrifying price of fame) gives you some real clues as to why Mr. Swartzwelder himself so adamantly chooses to stay out of the spotlight. 3 Stars. MOST SELF-REFERENTIAL LINE: "...Buntline said that short books were the best selling kind ... That's what the reading public wanted in a book these days, he said. They wanted to get as close as possible to not reading at all."
HOW I CONQUERED YOUR PLANET
Swartzwelder, catching on, brings Frank Burly back to the fore. He's still a private detective, he's still pretty bad at it, and he's still stumbling backwards into strange cases (and sometimes plate glass windows). This time the case may have something to do with Martians. Or maybe it's Neptunians. They're both very similar, as far as aliens look, although it's harder to pronounce the word "Neptunians." While going about his daily routine of getting in the way of things, Frank ends up alienating (nyuk, nyuk) all sorts of planetary species. And, of course, he conquers your planet. Not as consistent as "Time Machine," but much sharper than "Double Wonderful." 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his new alien secretary -- "...I discovered that I had hired a surprisingly dedicated secretary, who listened in on my phone calls, patted down my visitors, looked through my desk for me each morning before I got in, even appeared in my dreams taking notes."
THE EXPLODING DETECTIVE
Frank Burly's back, this time augmenting his act with a mostly-malfunctioning jetpack. His inability to steer is overshadowed, however, by his ability to withstand multiple explosive collisions, and he becomes something of a superhero. The new title doesn't fit him so well, because it requires that he get up before noon and commit all kinds of acts, most of them selfless and painful. He ends up getting involved in a battle against a super villain, a washed up James Bond type, and another time machine. Although this book is as funny as the previous, it makes it obvious that, while Burly's adventures through time and space are all well and good, Swartzwelder might do well to actually keep his gags confined to the realm of detective work. I doubt it took the man longer than a couple of days to write any of these books, but this is the first time I felt it really showed. 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly has infiltrated a Secret Club for Super Villains, searching for his would-be assassin -- "I continued around the room ... making it sound like I was a new member who was just making conversation. "Have you been trying to kill me?" I would ask, casually. "I'm just curious. Or we could talk about the weather, if you like. The weather's been trying to kill me too.'"
His books (four so far) don't try to follow coherency as much as his work on The Simpsons. Instead, he uses the medium as a forum for his stream-of-consciousness wise-cracking. Mass by volume, these slim tomes have the same silly density as his episodes, even if they sprawl ten times as much. For the most part, Swartzwelder sticks to the same basic formula that made his shows a success: a fat and idiotic central character gets into all manner of monkey-shines and comes out mostly unchanged. Instead of Homer, though, our main man is called Frank Burly.
THE TIME MACHINE DID IT
Frank Burly introduces us to his unlikely career as a private eye. Although his primary talents are screwing things up and getting beaten on a regular basis, he ends up with a fairly important case. A bum claims that he used to be a millionaire, but criminals with a time machine retroactively stole his wealth. Burly's in over his head (heck, this guy gets in over his head just trying to tie his shoes), but that doesn't stop him from barreling headfirst into the mystery and subsequently making it messier and harder to solve. Quickly written, hastily plotted, and genuinely funny, this is one of the few books I've ever read that's gotten me to laugh out-loud, and on a regular basis. 5 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his imprisonment and torture by the criminals -- "I held up under all this pretty well. I was sleeping like a baby -- waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants."
DOUBLE WONDERFUL
Swartzwelder makes a mistake. Instead of one central character with the brains of a dusty cactus, he creates an entire town of them. The citizens of the Wild West town of Slackjaw are having economic troubles. Part of their problem is that the "wild" in their western town is missing; it's a pretty boring place, plus it exists in the shadows of the world-renowned Double Wonderful ranch, run by a wealthy couple who are so perfect, God owes them favors. They try desperately to bring fame and/or notoriety to their little corner of the world, but most of their ideas are pretty lame (encourage bandits to rob them, hang the mayor, etc.). They eventually get their wish, and it's mildly amusing, but the scattered scope of the story's lunacy and its slap-dash conclusion are pretty harried. You won't laugh as much as you'll roll your eyes. Not bad; not great. Notable mainly because the story's central theme (the horrifying price of fame) gives you some real clues as to why Mr. Swartzwelder himself so adamantly chooses to stay out of the spotlight. 3 Stars. MOST SELF-REFERENTIAL LINE: "...Buntline said that short books were the best selling kind ... That's what the reading public wanted in a book these days, he said. They wanted to get as close as possible to not reading at all."
HOW I CONQUERED YOUR PLANET
Swartzwelder, catching on, brings Frank Burly back to the fore. He's still a private detective, he's still pretty bad at it, and he's still stumbling backwards into strange cases (and sometimes plate glass windows). This time the case may have something to do with Martians. Or maybe it's Neptunians. They're both very similar, as far as aliens look, although it's harder to pronounce the word "Neptunians." While going about his daily routine of getting in the way of things, Frank ends up alienating (nyuk, nyuk) all sorts of planetary species. And, of course, he conquers your planet. Not as consistent as "Time Machine," but much sharper than "Double Wonderful." 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his new alien secretary -- "...I discovered that I had hired a surprisingly dedicated secretary, who listened in on my phone calls, patted down my visitors, looked through my desk for me each morning before I got in, even appeared in my dreams taking notes."
THE EXPLODING DETECTIVE
Frank Burly's back, this time augmenting his act with a mostly-malfunctioning jetpack. His inability to steer is overshadowed, however, by his ability to withstand multiple explosive collisions, and he becomes something of a superhero. The new title doesn't fit him so well, because it requires that he get up before noon and commit all kinds of acts, most of them selfless and painful. He ends up getting involved in a battle against a super villain, a washed up James Bond type, and another time machine. Although this book is as funny as the previous, it makes it obvious that, while Burly's adventures through time and space are all well and good, Swartzwelder might do well to actually keep his gags confined to the realm of detective work. I doubt it took the man longer than a couple of days to write any of these books, but this is the first time I felt it really showed. 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly has infiltrated a Secret Club for Super Villains, searching for his would-be assassin -- "I continued around the room ... making it sound like I was a new member who was just making conversation. "Have you been trying to kill me?" I would ask, casually. "I'm just curious. Or we could talk about the weather, if you like. The weather's been trying to kill me too.'"
February 16, 2021
Swartzwelder is a comedic genius who wrote some of the best Simpsons episodes sitting by himself in a diner and chain-smoking (when the diner banned smoking, he bought the booth and sat in it at home). You can see it in his first novel too; the whole thing is basically a series of excellent one-liners that surprisingly cohere into a plot, although that really wasn't necessary for the book to be enjoyable.
The jokes are pure and abstract, with almost no political or moral content—the opposite of 'clapter comedy' where the audience claps to indicate that they agree with you.
The jokes are pure and abstract, with almost no political or moral content—the opposite of 'clapter comedy' where the audience claps to indicate that they agree with you.
March 1, 2025
Sometimes I wish I was a New York Times book reviewer, simply because then I’d get paid to read, which would be way more than what I get paid now to read…which is nothing. This book made me laugh, although I’m convinced I’m missed many of the hilarious “blink and you miss them” references, which is probably why I missed them, I blink every 15 seconds. Ok I’m done! Trying to write like John Swartzwelder is harder than I thought. No wonder he wrote 59 episodes of the Simpson’s and I’ve written none
October 15, 2019
Libro bastante entretenido sobre un imbecil viajando en el tiempo.
Escrito por el guionista de 59 capítulos de los Simpson (de los buenos) el humor es excelente. También sirve como ejemplo de si fuésemos capaces de viajar en el tiempo haríamos el gilipollas.
Como punto malo, que la historia me da igual, pero tampoco me molesta demasiado porque no deja de ser una excusa para meter chistes.
Escrito por el guionista de 59 capítulos de los Simpson (de los buenos) el humor es excelente. También sirve como ejemplo de si fuésemos capaces de viajar en el tiempo haríamos el gilipollas.
Como punto malo, que la historia me da igual, pero tampoco me molesta demasiado porque no deja de ser una excusa para meter chistes.
April 24, 2021
I read this in one sitting. By "read" I mean listened to a guy read it to me on YouTube, and by "sitting" I mean spent a few hours weeding and mowing the lawn.
If you're a big fan of classic Simpsons episodes, particularly quick throwaway jokes, people being horrifyingly bad at their jobs, and characters like Homer, Chief Wiggum, and Fat Tony, you'll probably enjoy this. I won't say the writing was award worthy, but I was laughing out loud countless times. I really appreciated the 2-3 hours of entertainment.
If you're a big fan of classic Simpsons episodes, particularly quick throwaway jokes, people being horrifyingly bad at their jobs, and characters like Homer, Chief Wiggum, and Fat Tony, you'll probably enjoy this. I won't say the writing was award worthy, but I was laughing out loud countless times. I really appreciated the 2-3 hours of entertainment.
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