Chase Me. Don't Chase Me.: The Relational Musings of an Emotional, Conflicted, Contrary Woman

by Maggie Lamar

Love is difficult. It can be confusing, overwhelming, soul-crushing. If you’ve ever found yourself lost in the world of love, a little off course in the land of dating, you are not alone.

In Chase Me. Don’t Chase Me. , Maggie Lamar offers up her nutty, sometimes off-kilter relationship history with heart and dry wit – all in an attempt to help you find your way, to help you feel a little less alone, and to help you discover a bit more of yourself on your own journey to love everlasting (and to hopefully help you kiss a few less frogs).

With honesty, forthright humility and a large dollop of humor, she combs through her own dating life to glean hard-won lessons about life, love and men – because when you can learn from an experience, you can grow from it. When an experience serves you, it strengthens you.

And hey, if it doesn’t serve or strengthen at least you can have a good laugh.

220 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 7, 2023

About the author

Maggie Lamar is the author of Chase Me. Don't Chase Me. - The Relational Musings of an Emotional, Conflicted, Contrary Woman. When she is not lost in the pages of a new book or overanalyzing the results of a personality quiz, she attempts to contribute to the overall health and happiness of the world in sunny Los Angeles.

Reviews

[Angi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moms. Are you terrified because your sweet baby girl wants to head to the big, bad city to chase her dreams? Don't worry. Read Maggie's book. You'll have lots of good advice to share with your own daughter if she calls in tears when the going gets rough. Better yet, buy the book for your daughter and have her read it BEFORE she packs her bags. Maybe then she'll avoid some of the pitfalls and heartbreak that Maggie goes through. With great wisdom and humor, Maggie shares the mistakes she made and the lessons she learned from dating experiences both funny and painful. I laughed out loud when a horrified Maggie entered the apartment of "The Boy Who Came Back" and thought "...who on earth was going to do all those dishes?" I was so grateful to find out she got some closure on the guy who broke her heart. And in the end, Moms, never fear. Your daughter - like Maggie - after kissing some frogs may find her handsome "This One's Waiting For You" Man, too, and you will get those precious grandbabies you've always longed for.

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me start off by saying this book is not my typical go-to genre (I’ve read almost exclusively fantasy novels so far this year!). With that said.. I started and finished this over the course of one afternoon and evening. There was really so much I enjoyed about this book, from the writing style, to the ending (so sweet!) and the honesty in realizing that “hey, actually I was the problem here”. The “code names” given to all the boys/men who make an appearance really amused me. Some of it was so relatable it hurt! And some so cute I caught myself smiling as I read. Chapter 5 actually hurt my heart and chapter 11 had me saying “no, no, no..” wanting to cover my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see what I knew was coming!

“I was a tender flower who knew nothing of the dangerous pitfalls in the world of love. I was completely unjaded, innocent, naive. I had just fallen for someone for the first time in my life — and this was the outcome. It was unbearable.” 😭😭😭

[Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a bumpy ride the road to finding love can be, and boy was this a fun ride! With an array of characters telling Maggie to stop, go, turn, reverse and more while ultimately helping to guide her safely to her final destination. This book was an extremely relatable journey on that path to happily ever after with a beautiful honesty and vulnerability that the highs and lows of finding love can be. It's a special thing when you can look back on the other side and see the lessons learned along the way to help you grow and lead you where you're meant to end up. Maggie will have you laughing, smiling and shaking your head saying "oh man" as she takes you through her story!

[Tara Cignarella · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is well laid out and has a lot of personal actions and feelings. The author’s approach to not use real names was cute at first, but then I found it very distracting as I read. I enjoedy the writing and the stories.
Recommended For: Those who want insider dating data on males. Because you know you can never know too much.

[Razzle Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

📚BOOK REVIEW📚

Chase Me. Don’t Chase Me. by Maggie Lamar

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5
Genres: nonfiction, memoir

Maggie recounts her history with dating and the lessons she learned from each failed relationship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to preface this by saying that this is NOT my normal genre, but I tried to be as unbiased as possible while reading/reviewing. Take that how you will 🤷‍♀️

I really enjoyed the author’s sense of humor. Maggie genuinely seems like someone I would be down to hangout with. The stories themselves were mostly pretty entertaining, and definitely relatable at some parts. I particularly enjoyed how every guy was given a different “super specific but still vague” name to keep their identities private (for example, “It’s My Therapist’s Fault” Boy and “Moccasins with Short Shorts” Boy).

As a whole, I did enjoy this book; however, I had a few issues. The first being that I wish there had been some sort of clear timeline. I think it was meant to be chronological, but it got confusing because some of the “situationships” overlapped with each other. If there was some sort of header with month/year or even HS/college/early 20s/etc. it would have been helpful.

My main issue was that I am unclear of who the intended audience is. This read almost like something that a young adult/older teen could read and maybe help with relationship stuff, but dating culture changes so quickly that a lot to the things in here aren’t applicable. So possibly, more of a reminiscence for someone closer in age to the author? Really I’m not sure.

Overall, it was a cute and quick read. If this is a genre you normally enjoy and you appreciate witty humor, you should check it out.

Thank you to the author for a copy of this to read ✨

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! It has everything I want in a book: wit, humor, romance, new perspectives, and more. Most chapters are organized into 3 sections: The Scene, The Fallout, and Notes to Self. The Scene starts out by instantly drawing you into a pivotal moment in one particular relationship. I was immediately invested in each chapter from the jump. (You know…the “How am I reading at 3am still?” levels of invested.) The Fallout section zooms out and gives a fuller picture of the relationship in question. As someone who enjoys knowing ALL the details, I always loved this section…especially being able to see how the chapter’s topic relationship connected with the others. (The drama is real!) Notes to Self is the gritty, sometimes brutal, but always profound final part of the chapter where the author hits you with the lessons she learned. The truths offered are those that I feel like we forget…or worse, choose to ignore. On more than one occasion, I had to bookmark my spot to just sit & think about the wisdom the author dropped on me. Overall, a lighthearted, yet heartfelt read from a relatable, talented writer!

[R.E. Admore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this memoir and definitely recommend it for those new to relationships and even to those with experience in relationships. We can always benefit by looking back into our past and see a different point of view. Plus, the author's words can bring clarity to emotional times that we couldn't, or were too afraid to put into words...maybe giving us a few "Aha!" moments, just as the author details hers.

Each chapter brings a new situation and a learning experience. Even so, halfway through the book I got the feeling that I had heard much of the same physical experiences repeated (No, not that kind of physical experience! I mean to say the actual experience; the day to day or date to date experiences. This book is a very clean G-rated read, but don't hold that against it.).

The memoir is well-written and filled with wit and humor. I did have more than a few chuckles and laughs. I think anyone will enjoy empathizing, sympathizing, or perhaps even indulging in a little schadenfreude. The author is honest in her assessments of relationships and in her own failings and behavior, and she is not afraid to point this out. I give her five stars for courage and honesty.

Writing from journals she kept, the author concentrates her attention on her beliefs, emotions, lessons learned, and dynamics of the relationships she engages in. It is a very narrow scope and she gives us mere glimpses of other aspects of her life. Perhaps she does this to maintain her privacy and in respect to the men involved. Given those perfectly good reasons, I respect that. However, the needy part of me wanted to learn more about other aspects of her life. Oh, and I definitely wanted to learn more about Suzy; a friend if ever there was one. But books can (and should) be only so long (kind of like reviews).

I have to give a few quotes I thought were fun or enlightening, or both. Just for giggles, I may go back to 1769 and quote Frances Brooke in 'The History of Emily Montague' to support or contrast ideas. Some truths of love and relationships appear to be universal.

ML: "...I have believed that flirting is evil and, after bringing all that hidden prejudice into the harsh light of day, I now realize that I am totally wrong."
"If I never flirt, if I never show interest in a guy, what motivation does he have to pursue me? What teenage boy, indeed what boy ever, would chase after a girl who is giving him every indication that she would reject him?"
"Flirting can stem from a place of confidence rather than desperation. Flirting can actually be fun (gasp!)."

FB: "The men here, as I said before, are all dying for me; there are many handsomer women, but I flatter them, and the dear creatures cannot resist it."
"...for without coquetry ’tis in vain to expect admiration."

ML: "In the realm of relationships, society often gives heterosexual males a bad rap—especially if they’ve hurt us, frustrated us or rejected us. We question their motives and shred their character to the point of turning the man we were just googly-eyed over into a villainous monster."

FB: "and as to love, I begin to think men incapable of feeling it: some of them can indeed talk well on the subject; but self-interest and vanity are the real passions of their souls. I detest the whole sex."

ML: "We want to be known. We want to be understood. And yet we are terrified of the very thing we want the most."

FB: "If she is yours, may you know her value, and you cannot fail of being happy."

ML: "When you boiled it down, all we had was chemistry. And chemistry wasn’t enough."

FB: “Whatever is my fate, no situation can be equally unhappy with that of being wife to a man for whom I have not even the slightest friendship or esteem, for whose conversation I have not the least taste, and who, ...would for ever think me under an obligation to him for marrying me."

I have so many other highlights, but I think you would be better served by reading the book, so I will end on this:

ML: "You must brave the scorn and shame of being single. You must wait for someone who truly satisfies you, someone who brings together all your non-negotiable traits in one sexy package."

FB: "...she has, in my opinion, done the wisest thing in the world; that is, she has pleased herself."

PS. As some reviewers have mentioned, instead of names, the author designates her men with descriptions such as: "My Therapist's Fault Boy". As clever as that is, it did wear on me after a while. I would have preferred something along the lines of: "'My Therapist's Fault Boy' hereafter to be known as 'Sigmund.'" (or perhaps 'Freud'). I could have come up with other names for the guys, but some of them would not be suitable for younger readers.