Don't Let Her See Me Cry: a Mother's Story

by Helen Barnacle

How do you make a decision about when it's best to let go of your child? Is there a mother out there who could give me any advice? I doubt it. Having Ali taught me about unconditional love. She gave me the reason to continue living. The dreaded day arrived..."Helen Barnacle to the front gate." The sound pierced my ears and my heart. I held Ali in my arms tightly and walked towards the prison gates... "Don't cry," I kept repeating to myself. "Don't let her see me cry. I can't let her see me cry," I chanted this mantra over and over. I passed Ali through the gate to my brother Ron... "Bye-bye, Mummy," Ali said. "I love you." And with her little hand waving over Ron's shoulder, they turned and walked away. Facing 15 years in prison, the longest drug-related sentence ever meted out to a woman in Victoria, Helen Barnacle discovered she was to become a mother. It was the last thing she wanted. But this tiny helpless being gave her a new lease on life - and a reason to hope. She became the first woman allowed to keep her baby in jail beyond the age of one. But three years later she had to make the hardest decision of her to let her daughter go. Don't Let Her See Me Cry is the powerful and moving account of one woman's remarkable journey - from a hopeless young heroin addict facing prison with a new baby, to successful psychologist, drug counsellor, prison reform campaigner and, most importantly, mother and best friend to Ali, the daughter who gave her the courage and determination to survive. "The gripping story of a mother torn between two irreconcilable passions...love for her baby and a hunger for heroin that sweeps all in its path. Barnacle delivers a tough-minded critique of prisons while offering hope to those battling addiction. A great read." - Julie McCrossin, ABC Radio National.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Autobiography

368 pages, Paperback

First published July 14, 2000

Reviews

[Sue Gerhardt Griffiths · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although Don’t Let Her See Me Cry: A Mother’s Story took a while to read I found it extremely interesting. A gripping and sad memoir of a heroin addict facing 15 years in gaol - the longest drug-related sentence handed out to a woman in Victoria. And the first woman permitted to keep her baby in gaol beyond the age of one.

A moving story of a woman who turned her life around.

*Book #6/72 of my coffee table to-read pile challenge

[Lyn Chick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read, I thought I had an idea about drug use but clearly not. This raw and honest account of Helen's life is a real eye opener. Abuse, drug use, the broken system of incarceration that just perpetuates that cycle is heart wrenching. A well written easy to read biography.

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 but will bump it up to a 4.

Raw, raw insight into the mindset of a heroin addict (although, as Barnacle would say, she is so much more than that). Engaging and self aware,
this also touches upon the dehumanisation of people who have committed crimes.

Although probably a tad too long, this was a fascinating and very well written read.

[toreadforpleasure · Rating 5 out of 5]

This autobiography provides insight into some of the potential reasons individuals may have for drug use, the impact on micro and macro levels of their life and the difficulties they face, including systematic barriers in withdrawal and abstaining. While there has been in increase in harm minimisation policies to address drug use in Australia since Helen was using and incarcerated (70's and 80's), it reinforced areas that could still be addressed to promote such values, such as specialised bio psychosocial services within prisons for addiction and other psychological experiences, including mental health and trauma.

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A story of a woman torn between the love of heroin and the love of her child. A long prison sentence for something she didn't do but there were many other illegal acts that she was not caught. She eventually turns her life around and becomes a successful psychologist. drug counsellor and prison reform campaigner. A true story of a difficult life.

[Teisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for so many different people. It is a remarkable eye opening true story of crime and drugs, a world most of us don't know. It is inspirational as to how some people deal with life and can choose to turn things around.

[Alli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Epic read, epic lady!
This book ‘spoke’ to me when I discovered it on a bookshelf upon its release in 2000. I have already read it four times over the past 23 years & am about to read it again!
‘Don’t Let Her See Me Cry’ remains one of my favourite reads of all time & still touches me in the same way it did when I was fortunate enough to discover it all those years ago.
I still have my original copy, which I am lucky enough to have signed with a personal message from Helen. It is one of my most treasured possessions, as it reminds there is good & that we should all have hope.
I have also had the pleasure & privilege to meet with Helen numerous times over the past 23 years. This lady is amazing & a true gift from the ‘universe’ ❤️
I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is fortunate enough to cross its path. If you have any human spirit inside you at all, please read Helen’s story. I’m quite sure you will experience every human emotion inside & won’t regret it.
I very rarely do reviews on anything but felt the need when it popped up. If this review inspires just one person to read Helen’s book, then my job’s done!
This cruel world needs more people like Helen. If only the ‘system’, whatever that may be, would take a few leaves out of her book! Basic humanity, empathy & compassion are much more beneficial & productive as opposed to ignorance & judgement!

[Lynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the true story of Helen Barnacle's life of heroin addiction. It details her life from childhood in minute detail and her troubled adolescence, which resulted in her use of heroin and her subsequent imprisonment.
To her surprise (and horror at first) she discovers that she is pregnant whilst awaiting a court appearance - that will eventually sentence her to a minimum of 8 years.
Don't let her see me cry outlines how she was allowed to have her daughter with her for a limited time, while serving her sentence, and what happens afterwards.
As autobiographies go this isn't a bad one. Her behaviour at times, beggars belief - but I guess that's the nature of addiction.
If I have one criticism, I found this book way too long and a bit repetitive.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

This is beautifully written, however like most long memoirs; there were some dry parts. Helen's story is a tragedy. I always wanted to travel back in time to pull her out of that life. The prologue alone had me hooked. I felt her sense of injustice of being so young and locked up for drug charges. Part of me has always felt that our justice system is broken as well as society. I felt her sense of injustice at being hated for her involvement with drugs.
But, I felt this book was way too long. Her story could have been far shorter and still have depth. I found my self skimming and skipping large chunks of the text without a problem. However, the parts I enjoyed I loved. Helen's story is raw, and in those critical moments, I felt the emotion in her writing.

[Amanda Witt · Rating 5 out of 5]

A re-read for me, having originally read it when it first came out and so much still resonates with me, namely Helen's realisations while in prison that it was a revolving door issue of drugs 'outside', get locked up, released, go back to drugs to cope, re-arrested and back in prison.

Many of her female friends also experienced abuse as kids which led them down this road.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really good look at a females insight into the harsh realities dealing with serious drug addiction. Unfortunately she is in the low percentile that turns her life around. I do believe that drugs should be legalised thus preventing the stigma of drug users. They too are people like us in our society which we are responsible for. Education about drugs in schools should start at primary school.

[Richelle Zurowski · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book had a very good subject and could be a great use for educational purposes. However, it is written very plain and very simple so it did not contain enough excitement for me to remain drawn into the book.

[Vicki Basham · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very interesting look into the life of a Heroin addicted

[neds · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book!!!! I felt like i learnt a lot, which is something i can't always say after i finish reading a book. I felt honoured to be taken on Barnacle's life journey, and i often find myself thinking back to this book, in the many months after i finished reading it.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

very sad true story

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Long story but worth it.

[kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, very well written and very easy to read.I couldn't put the book down, very emotional and heartfelt.

[Jen Roe · Rating 5 out of 5]

not a bad book

[Katherine Crawford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book. One of my favourites

[Mel Curtis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting autobiography. About the first women in Australia to have her child in prison, over the age of one.

[Christins · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book over all

[Madeline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautiful, it has so many emotions, and gives a completely new point of view!

[Serap · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! How honest and indepth a recount!

[Robyn Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very interesting book indeed, I discovered an awful lot about the trials of addicts. I also found a new respect for them. Well done Helen (clapping)

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

Far far too long