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The Dog Rules:
So begins a beautiful friendship between man and dog, in this case between writer/syndicated humor columnist William J. Thomas and his Border Collie/Australian Shepherd Jake. With great wit and obvious devotion Thomas chronicles his rocky relationship with the "slightly food aggressive" and highly independent-minded Jake.
Once a cat person and the author of the bestseller Life in the Litter Box, Thomas "Training a cat was easy. You gave the cat an order, the cat gave you the finger, end of training session. But you give a dog an order and he wags his tail and wiggles his bum and you say to yourself - I got a shot here!"
The Dog Rules go something like
The dog never goes in the house; that's why we paid $250 for the doghouse.
Unless it's his birthday, really cold outside, really hot outside, really dark outside.
Okay, the dog can live in the house and we'll sell the doghouse to a rookie dog owner who doesn't know the rules.
But the dog never goes on the furniture. All right, maybe the old furniture.
Okay, the dog can go on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture, then we'll sell all the bloody furniture with the doghouse in a two-for-one deal.
For every dog owner who's ever wondered who's got whom on the leash, The Dog Rules provides many hysterically funny stories that all dog owners will immediately (and unfortunately) recognize.
Once a cat person and the author of the bestseller Life in the Litter Box, Thomas "Training a cat was easy. You gave the cat an order, the cat gave you the finger, end of training session. But you give a dog an order and he wags his tail and wiggles his bum and you say to yourself - I got a shot here!"
The Dog Rules go something like
The dog never goes in the house; that's why we paid $250 for the doghouse.
Unless it's his birthday, really cold outside, really hot outside, really dark outside.
Okay, the dog can live in the house and we'll sell the doghouse to a rookie dog owner who doesn't know the rules.
But the dog never goes on the furniture. All right, maybe the old furniture.
Okay, the dog can go on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture, then we'll sell all the bloody furniture with the doghouse in a two-for-one deal.
For every dog owner who's ever wondered who's got whom on the leash, The Dog Rules provides many hysterically funny stories that all dog owners will immediately (and unfortunately) recognize.
- GenresDogsNonfictionCanada
Paperback
First published September 1, 2003
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
November 22, 2022
This little book (6.6” x 0.7” x 5.6”, 188 pages) is written by someone who had cats and then gets a dog. First time dog owners always have a lot to say and dogs provide a lot of material for comedy. Naturally he gets a Border collie mix rescue but is given a warning:
By obligation Pamela read me “The Posting,” a warning to would-be owners that pure Border collies are essentially smarter than your average local elected official and slippier than Cool Hand Luke. They can jump six-foot fences, dig under walls, open doors and gates and in an emergency, hot-wire any automobile manufactured before 1998.
The first half of the book is the author talking about all the normal things we all know and see in dogs, but interjects some humor into it.
Instantly he established the routine: Any and all passerby would be barked at for safety reasons only, any vehicles coming up the driveway would be inspected and their occupants sniffed, all squirrels would be treed, other dogs would be approached and warned off but not attacked and every move would be carefully viewed with erect ears, inquisitive eyes and a slight tilt of the head. “What are we gonna do next, Bill?”
There is a fair amount of comparisons to cats:
Having a cat is like having a pet.
Having a dog is like having a really stupid brother who needs a lot of looking after.
Whereas Mr. Thomas is a cat fan becoming a dog fan, I have always been a dog person who only recently appreciated cats when my son moved in with probably the best cat in the world. I am still more of a dog fan, but can appreciate all the good that is in a good cat now. From what I read in this book, I believe he is still more of a cat fan. One of his observations on dog people is:
I marveled silently at how dog people immediately relate to one another, openly and with some sort of dog-person warranty that you’re trustworthy and decent human beings. Yes, subservient and somewhat soft in the head, but inherently good nonetheless.
While his thoughts on cat people are:
Though a cat person’s love for their pet is no less powerful, cat people tend to keep their relationships private and privileged. Cat people prefer a more intimate and confidential relationship. Cat people live their lives quietly and close to the vest. Cat people share books. Dog people share holidays.
Towards the end he even includes a whole chapter on The Difference Between Cats and Dogs. I notice cats get top billing. I found the first half of the book where he was pointing out normal funny things us dog owners put up with enjoyable, but the later chapters where he is pushing for comedy to be only mildly amusing. I feel like he goes for quantity instead of quality, or maybe his outrageous commodity style banged away at the same note on the keyboard too much for me.
I liked the title of the book, ‘The Dog Rules.’ Is it rules he has for the dog? Or Rules the dog has? Or is he saying the Dog Rules the household or ‘damn near everything?’ From this he has interspersed lists of rules through the book rules on a specific topic. They can be pretty funny, but once again, maybe reading the book all in one go makes them harder to take the variations of the theme going from a normal reasonable dog rule to one that is totally outrageous.
Here is an example of rule 1 and a rule near the end under the topic of ‘The Dog Rules: As They Apply to Cohabitation:
Rule 1
The dog owner/guardian/home owner of said dog makes the rules. (And for the record, the dog never “said” nothin’. Yet)
Rule 9
Okay, so a lot of the dog rules, say, the majority, can be made up by the dog, and if the owner knows what’s good for him, he will obey these rules, but if he disobeys a rule and the dog doesn’t find out about it, he is under no obligation to confess.
Some other rules from other categories:
Rule 10 (as they apply to the car)
Okay, the dog can drive at night by himself, but not if he’s been drinking. No Way. That’s against the law.
Rule 10 (as they apply to the house)
Okay, the dog’s name can appear on the deed as the official owner as long as he names you beneficiary in his will. That’s the least he could do.
Rule 10 (as they apply to the furniture)
Okay, but if the dog activates the “swivel glider” mechanism and he gets sick, he cleans it up himself.
Rule 10 (as they apply to the TV Room)
Okay, the dog can watch whatever he wants but he does not have the right to vote anybody off the island.
There is like another 10 more lists of rules like them. They all start off with something reasonable and then build up in different wild directions. I would recommend just trying to read one a day.
In conclusion I think there is enough good in the book but a little too much over the top to make it a great book for me.
By obligation Pamela read me “The Posting,” a warning to would-be owners that pure Border collies are essentially smarter than your average local elected official and slippier than Cool Hand Luke. They can jump six-foot fences, dig under walls, open doors and gates and in an emergency, hot-wire any automobile manufactured before 1998.
The first half of the book is the author talking about all the normal things we all know and see in dogs, but interjects some humor into it.
Instantly he established the routine: Any and all passerby would be barked at for safety reasons only, any vehicles coming up the driveway would be inspected and their occupants sniffed, all squirrels would be treed, other dogs would be approached and warned off but not attacked and every move would be carefully viewed with erect ears, inquisitive eyes and a slight tilt of the head. “What are we gonna do next, Bill?”
There is a fair amount of comparisons to cats:
Having a cat is like having a pet.
Having a dog is like having a really stupid brother who needs a lot of looking after.
Whereas Mr. Thomas is a cat fan becoming a dog fan, I have always been a dog person who only recently appreciated cats when my son moved in with probably the best cat in the world. I am still more of a dog fan, but can appreciate all the good that is in a good cat now. From what I read in this book, I believe he is still more of a cat fan. One of his observations on dog people is:
I marveled silently at how dog people immediately relate to one another, openly and with some sort of dog-person warranty that you’re trustworthy and decent human beings. Yes, subservient and somewhat soft in the head, but inherently good nonetheless.
While his thoughts on cat people are:
Though a cat person’s love for their pet is no less powerful, cat people tend to keep their relationships private and privileged. Cat people prefer a more intimate and confidential relationship. Cat people live their lives quietly and close to the vest. Cat people share books. Dog people share holidays.
Towards the end he even includes a whole chapter on The Difference Between Cats and Dogs. I notice cats get top billing. I found the first half of the book where he was pointing out normal funny things us dog owners put up with enjoyable, but the later chapters where he is pushing for comedy to be only mildly amusing. I feel like he goes for quantity instead of quality, or maybe his outrageous commodity style banged away at the same note on the keyboard too much for me.
I liked the title of the book, ‘The Dog Rules.’ Is it rules he has for the dog? Or Rules the dog has? Or is he saying the Dog Rules the household or ‘damn near everything?’ From this he has interspersed lists of rules through the book rules on a specific topic. They can be pretty funny, but once again, maybe reading the book all in one go makes them harder to take the variations of the theme going from a normal reasonable dog rule to one that is totally outrageous.
Here is an example of rule 1 and a rule near the end under the topic of ‘The Dog Rules: As They Apply to Cohabitation:
Rule 1
The dog owner/guardian/home owner of said dog makes the rules. (And for the record, the dog never “said” nothin’. Yet)
Rule 9
Okay, so a lot of the dog rules, say, the majority, can be made up by the dog, and if the owner knows what’s good for him, he will obey these rules, but if he disobeys a rule and the dog doesn’t find out about it, he is under no obligation to confess.
Some other rules from other categories:
Rule 10 (as they apply to the car)
Okay, the dog can drive at night by himself, but not if he’s been drinking. No Way. That’s against the law.
Rule 10 (as they apply to the house)
Okay, the dog’s name can appear on the deed as the official owner as long as he names you beneficiary in his will. That’s the least he could do.
Rule 10 (as they apply to the furniture)
Okay, but if the dog activates the “swivel glider” mechanism and he gets sick, he cleans it up himself.
Rule 10 (as they apply to the TV Room)
Okay, the dog can watch whatever he wants but he does not have the right to vote anybody off the island.
There is like another 10 more lists of rules like them. They all start off with something reasonable and then build up in different wild directions. I would recommend just trying to read one a day.
In conclusion I think there is enough good in the book but a little too much over the top to make it a great book for me.
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January 4, 2020A tongue-in-cheek look at the status of a cat-owner turned dog-owner...
July 7, 2024
William Thomas has a new fan. What a lovely romp with a delightful dog and his equally delightful owner. Well worth a read 😊
July 11, 2019
As a dog owner all my life I could relate to this book ! It is very funny ! Pure enjoyment for any dog lover !
September 18, 2016
I have leant this book out to various friends but have now lost track of it. I enjoyed it so much and would like to read it again. I'll have to track it down somehow or will have to buy another book. A very humorous and touching book about the joys of being an animal lover. Definately a very good read!!!
April 6, 2014
I loved this little book, and I think every pet lover would as well, on the lines of "Marley and Me" without the angst. It is about a man and his very bright but not hardworking border collie, and how the dog manages to insinuate himself into every aspect of life. Highly recommended!
June 23, 2015
A hilarious description of life with a border collie by a former "cat person". This is a quick read with short chapters of anecdotes that can be picked up at anytime. Perfect book for dog lovers or just those who enjoy good humour.
June 28, 2018
Hilarious!
June 7, 2009
Very funny read! I finished it in about 4 or 5 hours while sitting outside at my (otherwise unproductive) garage sale. Love the humor, but not sure I would follow too many of the actual "rules".
November 11, 2009
You don't have to be a 'dog lover' to enjoy this book. It is funny and just a great read!
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July 10, 2012hilarious!
December 2, 2015
Great,fun read. He has got it all figured out. And his bits of insight into cats is also bang on. This was a very enjoyable read. Any dog owner will relate and laugh out loud.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews