Major Conflict: One Gay Man's Life in the Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell Military

by Jeffrey McGowan Maj

A book that will move hearts and open minds, Jeffrey McGowan’s memoir is the first personal account of a gay man’s silent struggle in the don’t-ask-don’t-tell military, from a cadet who rose to the rank of major, left as a decorated Persian Gulf hero, and whose same-sex marriage was the first on the East Coast.

Love of country and personal love combine in this groundbreaking memoir of one gay man’s life in the military—and beyond. In Major Conflict, Queens-born Jeffrey McGowan tells how he enlisted in the army in the late 1980s and served with distinction for ten years. But McGowan had a he was gay. In the don’t-ask-don’t-tell world of the Clinton-era army, being gay meant automatic expulsion. So, at the expense of his personal life and dignity, he hid his sexual identity and continued to serve the army well.

Major Conflict is a moving account of his years in the military, the homophobia he encountered there, and his life afterward. McGowan presents a vivid portrait of his experience as a soldier in the Persian Gulf, where he commanded U.S. troops in Operation Desert Storm, eventually rising to the rank of major. Ultimately, however, he realized that the army held no future for gay men—even closeted ones. Desiring more of a personal life and tired of hiding his true identity, McGowan resigned from the Army he loved in 1998. In February 2004, he married his partner of six years in New Paltz, New York, making front-page news in the New York Times .

Genres: LGBT, Military Fiction, Biography, Nonfiction, Gay

288 pages, Hardcover

First published March 8, 2005

Reviews

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading Maj (Ret.) Jeffrey McGowan's memoirs about being gay in the US Army during the Regan, Bush, and Clinton administrations. His story is more than about his sexuality; it is also a snapshot of a great shift within the military. He describes the Regan years as a military focused on one particular enemy (the Soviets) and flushed with money and equipment that gave service members a swagger and confidence in their careers. McGowan gets a front row seat to this as his first assignment is in Germany. As the Cold War ends, the Middle East wars begins; McGowan really grows up here in the desert as both a person and as a military leader. All the while, he is conflicted about his sexuality and his place in the military. Once Desert Shield/Desert Storm is over, he goes Airbourne at Ft Bragg; the military goes through an upheaval as well, as the Clinton administration comes into power. Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell becomes policy after much compromise, but McGowan really doesn't see a change in his fellow service members' perceptions of LGBT* serving (even thought they have always served!). McGowan becomes a commander of an unit that ends up putting him in the position between following the old guard and discharging a hard working private or risk defending said private and accidentally outing himself. He ends up defending the private and starts making his way toward leaving the military on his own terms.

McGowan had such a fresh voice and easy writing style; no matter where in the world he was writing about, you really get a sense of time and place. His heartbreak is real, but his growing confidence in himself to come out was something to root for. This was written and published 5 years before DADT was repealed.

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was an interesting personal account of a gay man's experience in the military. Major McGowan clearly proved that sexual orientation has nothing to do with the ability to do the job - he served admirably in a difficult, 'manly' field.

The problem I have with this book wasn't really the author's fault. This is non-fiction, and I wanted to know more about how he handled personal relationships in the military. He's also not the world's best writer - serviceable, yes, but some of his descriptions made me cringe. He is recounting events, not trying to tell a story, and I wanted the story.

Regardless, the topic is important and adds to the small body of work on gays in the military.

Other personal accounts people might find interesting: Ask and Tell by Steve Estes and Secret Service by Zsa Zsa Gershnik.

[Evey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A stirring and substantial read. Courageous. Revelatory. Heartbreaking. Having served 14 out of my 24 years in the United States Navy under the shadow of Don't Ask Don't Tell, I can affirm the struggles, paralysis, sacrifice and paranoia afflicted by a discriminatory policy that actively sought to eradicate us from the ranks for who we are. Highly recommended.

[Deni Aria · Rating 4 out of 5]

A poignant story of McGowan's life in a military that he is really hard to elaborate his experience of serving nation wholeheartedly in the army by hiding his true identity until he reaches his limit which he believes in the end His true happiness of being at peace with himself is what he really want it for the rest of his life. One thing he is so sure that one's still be able to serve his/her nations regardless of gender, poor, man, women, rich gay, straight when the nation calls for it without any traps of "don't tell don't ask" policy alike.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very moving, and very honest. I recommend it to anyone who wants to learn a little more about the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" controversy that is still going on after nearly two decades and 13000 avoidable discharges from the military.

[Minh Han · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subject matter was interesting and important. The writing itself was not fantastic, but that only detracted a moderate amount from an important project that likely helped end Dont Ask Don't Tell. I'd give it 3.5 stars if I could.

[Purple Osprey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as scandalous as the title suggests ;))
It's not a literary masterpiece. I mean it's an OK book, but it gets boring in places and it feels like a lot more could have been done with the material.

[Kent · Rating 3 out of 5]

2011.

I can't believe we legally allowed such intolerance, hate and persecution for so long. Why did it take until 2011 to change. There is still a lot that needs to change in military culture. Things have come a long way.