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Skinema
Though Skinema "reviews" over 150 pornos, Nieratko hardly ever mentions them, focusing instead on the pill-popping exploits that he's documented unapologetically over the past seven years in his column for Vice Magazine —much to his editors chagrin. As Johnny Knoxville so succinctly put it, Nieratko is an asshole, but whether Chris is rescuing a stalker from choking on her own vomit, getting his nose broken for having AIDS (he doesn't) or marrying the one woman that could put up with his insanity, his life sounds so much like a collection of hilarious bar stories it's impossible not to grab a beer and listen to the whole thing.
- GenresNonfictionHumor
288 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2007
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117 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
September 24, 2007
This book is a whole lot of awesome! It's very funny and very fucked up, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Chris Nieratko is an Asshole At Large for Vice Magazine and this book is a collection of his columns, which are ostensibly reviews of porno movies but they rarely are. More often, either Nieratko riffs on the title of the movie-to-be-reviewed and it reminds of him of some depraved situation he himself was once a part of, or he just completely disregards the fact that he's supposedly writing a porn movie review and will write about something completely unrelated. I'll just say that if so-called gonzo journalism has something to do with getting fucked up and making the focal point of the piece you are writing you, then this is gonzo journalism. Actually, I'm not so sure Hunter Thompson would like this, but what do I know?
Anyway, you should read this if you like hilarious sex stories that involve drinking, drugs, being an asshole, tattoos, etc. (I know that description sounds like "been there/done that" but Nieratko is both creative and hilarious.). Actually, the book is much more than sex stories and what not. Fairly often, he retreats into flights of fancy that are, as the rest of the book is, often hilarious. He has a flair for the right phrase, even if the prose itself (and the subject matter) never rises above low brow. I'd like to give you a snippet but I don't have the book with me.
You get the feeling that Nieratko may be fudging anywhere from 2%-98% of the stuff written about in the book, but it really doesn't matter because a)it's not billed as a memoir and; b)it's, again, hilarious.
So, yap: depraved, debauched, degenerate, degraded, licentious, low, twisted, unhealthy (just peruzing the old thesaurus here), and wonderful. I think you can buy this at American Apparel. Or you can get it off the internet (or at Barnes & Noble, I suppose).
Anyway, you should read this if you like hilarious sex stories that involve drinking, drugs, being an asshole, tattoos, etc. (I know that description sounds like "been there/done that" but Nieratko is both creative and hilarious.). Actually, the book is much more than sex stories and what not. Fairly often, he retreats into flights of fancy that are, as the rest of the book is, often hilarious. He has a flair for the right phrase, even if the prose itself (and the subject matter) never rises above low brow. I'd like to give you a snippet but I don't have the book with me.
You get the feeling that Nieratko may be fudging anywhere from 2%-98% of the stuff written about in the book, but it really doesn't matter because a)it's not billed as a memoir and; b)it's, again, hilarious.
So, yap: depraved, debauched, degenerate, degraded, licentious, low, twisted, unhealthy (just peruzing the old thesaurus here), and wonderful. I think you can buy this at American Apparel. Or you can get it off the internet (or at Barnes & Noble, I suppose).
August 31, 2025
This is the second book in my VICE collection, right after Gavin McInness "How to Piss in Public" - which, I know I know, is written by THAT guy who went and started one of the most notorious far-right groups in USA (for what it's worth, the book still rocks); "Skinema" is one of those coffee table books that's pretty much impossible to finish because it's always sitting on your (non-existent) coffee table, shocking every female guest that you don't have (ever.) in your apartment.
Let me be straight with you: this is possibly the only book in my collection which I'm afraid to show to women (let me clarify that: most women). It's a funny and very Vice-esque book that has all the chutzpah and shlock and 'charm' of the OG VICE, no filters and the infamous Vice 'gross jar' (here's a quote from an article from 2005 to get you a taste: "Both parties were briefed on the contents of the jar (chicken, milk, scabs, blood, a turd, cum, a dead rat, menses, etc) and were instructed to aim their vomit toward the mouth of the jar.") included.
Chris is one of a kind, the Jackass type of guy (he was part of the original group, which explains Johny Knoxville's intro), and it only makes sense that filters are pretty much non-existent when he talks about his sexual (mis)adventures that often veer into Looney Tunes territory in terms of their ridiculousness. This is funny for a guy like me who grew up reading VICE and CREEM and Rolling Stones, but must be horrifying for a modern self-respecting woman who barely heard of VICE.
Even if I tried to give you a taste of this book - salty, cum-like, full of unknown fluids, including sex-induced sweat, smegma, juice from the 'gross jar' - I'd set myself to fail -- or risk getting a perma ban on Goodreads, which is rather unheard (Goodreads mods, if you're reading this, I love you).
In short, I'm happy to have this relic in my collection, which I'll happily hide next to "120 Days of Sodom", "Les Chants de Maldoror" and my bootleg VHS copy of "Pink Flamingo" just to be safe from getting evicted by my landlord.
You probably won't get to read this book, because it's rare to get by, so I have no idea why you would be even reading this review. Chris is a character from capital C and is pretty much an embodiment of what VICE used to stand for - for better or worse.
Let me be straight with you: this is possibly the only book in my collection which I'm afraid to show to women (let me clarify that: most women). It's a funny and very Vice-esque book that has all the chutzpah and shlock and 'charm' of the OG VICE, no filters and the infamous Vice 'gross jar' (here's a quote from an article from 2005 to get you a taste: "Both parties were briefed on the contents of the jar (chicken, milk, scabs, blood, a turd, cum, a dead rat, menses, etc) and were instructed to aim their vomit toward the mouth of the jar.") included.
Chris is one of a kind, the Jackass type of guy (he was part of the original group, which explains Johny Knoxville's intro), and it only makes sense that filters are pretty much non-existent when he talks about his sexual (mis)adventures that often veer into Looney Tunes territory in terms of their ridiculousness. This is funny for a guy like me who grew up reading VICE and CREEM and Rolling Stones, but must be horrifying for a modern self-respecting woman who barely heard of VICE.
Even if I tried to give you a taste of this book - salty, cum-like, full of unknown fluids, including sex-induced sweat, smegma, juice from the 'gross jar' - I'd set myself to fail -- or risk getting a perma ban on Goodreads, which is rather unheard (Goodreads mods, if you're reading this, I love you).
In short, I'm happy to have this relic in my collection, which I'll happily hide next to "120 Days of Sodom", "Les Chants de Maldoror" and my bootleg VHS copy of "Pink Flamingo" just to be safe from getting evicted by my landlord.
You probably won't get to read this book, because it's rare to get by, so I have no idea why you would be even reading this review. Chris is a character from capital C and is pretty much an embodiment of what VICE used to stand for - for better or worse.
July 31, 2012
This is not a book for everyone - Chris Nieratko makes Tucker Max look like an angel. However he does it with such humor that I sort of want him to be my friend.
Chris Nieratko worked for Vice Magazine forever. He then was besties with Johnny Knoxville and the Jackass Crew - but when they started to go off to do Jackass, he stayed to work at Vice. This book is a collection of short stories about his life. He was supposed to be reviewing porn video’s and instead would just write about whatever he wanted and didn’t watch the videos - or so he says at least.
It was so hilarious that I actually laughed so hard at one point at the ridiculousness of these situations that I snorted - however if you can’t handle this kind of humor you might get offended.
I thought it was hilarious and entertaining, and I laughed out loud multiple times. Then again I loved Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like A Porn Star - so maybe I have weird taste.
Chris Nieratko worked for Vice Magazine forever. He then was besties with Johnny Knoxville and the Jackass Crew - but when they started to go off to do Jackass, he stayed to work at Vice. This book is a collection of short stories about his life. He was supposed to be reviewing porn video’s and instead would just write about whatever he wanted and didn’t watch the videos - or so he says at least.
It was so hilarious that I actually laughed so hard at one point at the ridiculousness of these situations that I snorted - however if you can’t handle this kind of humor you might get offended.
I thought it was hilarious and entertaining, and I laughed out loud multiple times. Then again I loved Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like A Porn Star - so maybe I have weird taste.
March 15, 2012
This is how Tucker Max would write if he were actually creative, interesting, and a good writer. (Read: if all his stories weren't just mild variations of "So I got really drunk this time and some crazy shit happened SWEARTOGOD!")
I could easily imagine Nieratko writing really thoughtful, intriguing, widely heralded books had his life taken a different trajectory. But it was not to be. Instead, he spent his time skateboarding, doing drugs, and watching porn. Not that any of that is necessarily a bad thing, if only because it results in a humorous little book of misogyny and debauchery.
Skinema isn't high art and will probably start feeling dated pretty quickly, but it really is quite fun and lighthearted. Worth reading if you're not one to take life too seriously.
I could easily imagine Nieratko writing really thoughtful, intriguing, widely heralded books had his life taken a different trajectory. But it was not to be. Instead, he spent his time skateboarding, doing drugs, and watching porn. Not that any of that is necessarily a bad thing, if only because it results in a humorous little book of misogyny and debauchery.
Skinema isn't high art and will probably start feeling dated pretty quickly, but it really is quite fun and lighthearted. Worth reading if you're not one to take life too seriously.
January 17, 2021
Utterly irrelevant to the porn films he's reviewing, but I love his messed up ramblings
March 24, 2009
One of my guilty pleasures is that I enjoy Vice magazine. Or, I should say used to enjoy it, because I hardly ever see it anymore, but I do look at the Do's and Don't on occasion on their website. I'd never been a big fan of Chris Nieratko's column, but remembered it as vaguely amusing. However, what was vaguely amusing to see every once in a while is not so enjoyable in book form. Maybe it's the misogyny and racism. Maybe it's just that Nieratko's writing about shit, ass sex, hookers, vomit, drunkenness and more ass sex and hookers gets repetitive and, well, stupid after a while. Actually, pretty quickly. Not going to bother with the rest of this book - it's already in the "get rid of" pile.
December 16, 2010
This is not a book for everyone. Really, it's not. Chris Nieratko is hideously fucked-up but man, has he lived an interesting life! Those of you familiar with his work on Jackass the television show and from Vice and Bizarre magazines will know exactly what to expect from a book penned by this self-absorbed arsehole. These vignettes of his life disguised as reviews of porn movies are offensive,disgusting and often baffling. Prepare to be truly offended at least once, grossed out to the point of nausea a dozen times and clutching your sides laughing throughout.
I love Chris Nieratko. There, I said it. He's disgusting and he's totally unapologetic about it.
I love Chris Nieratko. There, I said it. He's disgusting and he's totally unapologetic about it.
November 29, 2007
I totally had a nightmare about the author while I was reading this book. Like, he was just a total dick to me for no apparent reason. He seems like the kind of self-styled anti-hipster badass who'd totally call me a "fag" for watching movies that have subtitles, but that being said, some of his drunken, drugged up stories are pretty fucking funny. But that's what I'd expect from Vice magazine, wouldn't you?
January 25, 2008
Hilarious, but not for the easily offended - especially those who would be squeamish at the constant mention of anal, lesbian and sex toy fantasies. I wonder how much is exaggerated for effect, but in the end don't really care because his crass tales left me laughing aloud many a time.
March 18, 2008
Chris is quite possibly one of the most clever assfaces well, ever- read this book or perish- and no you can not borrow mine.."it's like the Ktel slow jams rekkid in the 70's.. "no my brotha, you must buy your own"
July 8, 2008
Abysmal, self-absorbed, awful 'humor' book from the hipster jackasses at Vice, and sadly typical of their entire just-kidding-but-not-really approach to writing, with its faux-ironic racism and sexism. Awful.
May 10, 2009
Reading this on the bus was awesome fun times.
Nieratko reads like the illegitimate child of Allan Ginsberg and Georges Bataille- dirty, sexy, weird and funny. I'll bet his wife is a peach of a lady.
Nieratko reads like the illegitimate child of Allan Ginsberg and Georges Bataille- dirty, sexy, weird and funny. I'll bet his wife is a peach of a lady.
August 13, 2007
Easily one of the funniest books I've read in years. Not for the easily offended I suppose, but at least someone is still writing funny stuff that is worthy of that warning.
January 23, 2008
So far, it's lived up to the praise. Pills, porno and p***y.
October 9, 2007
A lifestlye artist like myself. Only I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the tales in here are not entirely true.
Want to read
October 3, 2009Ok, alright, I desperately adore Vice magazine. I will read anything they are connected with in any way, probably forever.
February 9, 2008
The best! I laughed so god damned hard. I've never read anything more funny. Sure, he's a crude, slighty virile and slutty...but when is that NOT funny? It's always funny. Go read this.
February 20, 2008
I liked it.
March 31, 2008
no story in this big book of stories comes remotely close to topping the story nieratko tells in this two-minute clip: http://www.vbs.tv/video.php?id=935458904
Want to read
July 10, 2008Not sure if I'm gonna love this or hate it
July 14, 2008
Living with the rest of the softies out here on the West Coast, it was good to get a little Jersey!
July 21, 2008
scandalous, ridiculous, unbelievable. The worst book ive ever read that I couldnt put down.
September 6, 2008
I'm not a prig. That's not why I didn't like this. It was just Boring. Like risky, slightly psychotic frat guys who think theyre awesome and hilarious. It has its moments.
March 6, 2009
alarming, disgusting, brilliant.
May 30, 2009
Completely horrible and offensive, and totally funny. A bit sweet too which I didn't expect.
January 12, 2011
Mostly very funny.
April 16, 2012
One could say the thing to love about Chris's writing is the same thing that puts you off of it after so many pages... Filthy and juvenile and mostly snickker-worthy.
June 17, 2013
Second time through, remains as enjoyably depraved as the first.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews