How to Be Compassionate: a Handbook for Creating Inner Peace and a Happier World

by Dalai Lama XIV, Jeffrey Hopkins

Each one of us is responsible for all of humankind, and for the environment in which we live. . . . We must seek to lessen the suffering of others. Rather than working solely to acquire wealth, we need to do something meaningful, something seriously directed toward the welfare of humanity as a whole. To do this, you need to recognize that the whole world is part of you. —from How to Be Compassionate The surest path to true happiness lies in being intimately concerned with the welfare of others. Or, as His Holiness the Dalai Lama would say, in compassion. In How to Be Compassionate, His Holiness reveals basic mistakes of attitude that lead us to inner turmoil, and how we can correct them to achieve a better tomorrow. He demonstrates precisely how opening our hearts and minds to other people is the best way to overcome the misguided ideas that are at the root of all our problems. He shows us how compassion can be a continuous wellspring of happiness in our own lives and how our newfound happiness can extend outward from us in ever wider and wider circles. As we become more compassionate human beings, our friends, family, neighbors, loved ones—and even our enemies—will find themselves less frequently in the thrall of destructive emotions like anger, jealousy, and fear, prompting them to become more warmhearted, kind, and harmonious forces within their own circles. With simple language and startling clarity, His Holiness makes evident as never before that the path to global harmony begins in the hearts of individual women and men. Enlivened by personal anecdotes and intimate accounts of the Dalai Lama’s experiences as a student, thinker, political leader, and Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, How to Be Compassionate gives seekers of all faiths the keys to overcoming anger, hatred, and selfishness— the primary obstacles to happiness—and to becoming agents of positive transformation in our communities and the world at large.

Genres: Nonfiction, Buddhism, Spirituality, Philosophy, Self Help, Religion, Audiobook

160 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso (born Lhamo Döndrub), the 14th Dalai Lama, is a practicing member of the Gelug School of Tibetan Buddhism and is influential as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, the world's most famous Buddhist monk, and the leader of the exiled Tibetan government in India.

Tenzin Gyatso was the fifth of sixteen children born to a farming family. He was proclaimed the tulku (an Enlightened lama who has consciously decided to take rebirth) of the 13th Dalai Lama at the age of two.

On 17 November 1950, at the age of 15, he was enthroned as Tibet's ruler. Thus he became Tibet's most important political ruler just one month after the People's Republic of China's invasion of Tibet on 7 October 1950. In 1954, he went to Beijing to attempt peace talks with Mao Zedong and other leaders of the PRC. These talks ultimately failed.

After a failed uprising and the collapse of the Tibetan resistance movement in 1959, the Dalai Lama left for India, where he was active in establishing the Central Tibetan Administration (the Tibetan Government in Exile) and in seeking to preserve Tibetan culture and education among the thousands of refugees who accompanied him.

Tenzin Gyatso is a charismatic figure and noted public speaker. This Dalai Lama is the first to travel to the West. There, he has helped to spread Buddhism and to promote the concepts of universal responsibility, secular ethics, and religious harmony.

He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, honorary Canadian citizenship in 2006, and the United States Congressional Gold Medal on 17 October 2007.

Reviews

[Sean Barrs · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I say you are better of being wisely selfish. This way you can fulfil your selfish motive to be happy. This is much better than being self-centred, or foolishly selfish, which will not succeed in bringing you more happiness."

Simple advice isn’t it? Be happy. That’s all there is too it. Make yourself happy. Strive for happiness, and let the feeling spread. It’s all about the power of positive energy. What do you do when someone similes at you? Well, you smile back. A simple interaction taken on a much grander scale can improve your life. The Daliai Lama’s message centres on this idea: project as much positivism as possible, in every aspect of your life, that way you begin to feel happier along with those around you.

I’ve tried these techniques in my life. And they do work. Maintaining them for long periods of time, now that’s difficult. This is where meditation becomes vital. Imagine yourself as a beacon, a beacon of hope and altruism, hold this thought and let it spread through you as you meditate it. You may begin to feel differently afterwards. Am I talking nonsense? For me this actually works. I feel better afterwards, and I feel better after reading this book. In here the Dalai Lama offers some well-intended advice, and it really is worth listing to.

What’s next for me? More books on Buddhism of course.

[Ken · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to Be Compassionate: a Handbook for Creating Inner Peace and a Happier World
What a load of common sense Dalai Lama says, funny that treat people first as a human being, and in a way that you yourself would be treated, say compassion, three times really quickly for emphasis, its
a gas...⛽ how sensible it all is really, Exude positive energy and don't be the suck meister of energy from others, just learn, or appreciate others. Not a fan off flaky, but this makes sense. Keeping it up is a problem, hmm hang on meant keeping it going, thats "the happy face", but self reflection and a little "do nothing" alone time does wonderfully strange things its like a recharge, for me yes, for you who knows. "Compassion compassion compassion" sermon over go home.

[Amal Bedhyefi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking , Inspiring and deeply helpful .
Everyone should read this.
Love and compassion are definitely the secret to happiness.

[Maha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This a great and simple book if this is the book you are looking for. A friend lent me this book when we were to discuss 'Mindfulness' in a compassionate Living group. The book elegantly and simply explains the concept. I learnt a lot and I am including some of my favorite quotes to demonstrate the strong messages this book contains.
- "When we generate anger 90% of the ugliness of the object of our anger is due to our own exaggeration" p 38
- "by going along with the appearance of things we exaggerate the status of good and bad" p 65
- "to get rid of an unfavorable attitude you must see clearly the mistaken beliefs on which it is based." p 68
- "spiritual education basically means adjusting your thoughts in a beneficial way" p 85
- "forces that oppose you teach inner strength, courage, and determination" p 88
- "a monk ... What danger? He answered losing compassion towards [the enemy]. ... He knew the real danger lay within" p 97

[Joni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is the best self-help book I've ever read. I checked it out from the library, and then I went out and bought it. It's something I will refer to time and time again in the days to come. It contains all sorts of nifty exercises for diffusing your anger and seeing things in a more benevolent light. The Dalai Lama doesn't promise change over night, but he does say that persistent practice will yield a more peaceful life. I believe him.

[SHYAM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anger and inner turmoil are the root cause for most of problems that we face in our life. It fuels conflicts in the Middle East, Africa, Asia, and the Americas. These clashes are the result of people not realizing how much they have in common and from not walking a mile in other's shoes.

By educating the readers about the Tibetan Buddhist techniques of transformation of life, Dalai lama helps the reader to understand the importance of having compassion, tolerance and altruism to counterbalance malice caused by the anger, intolerance and selfishness that filled inside our mind as well as across the globe.

According to His Holiness the Dalai Lama, anger brings trouble into our lives by creating havoc, magnifying problems, and undermining virtues. We all have the seeds of compassion and love within us but they need to be nurtured. His Holiness proposes groups of people get together and create educational resources and opportunities to help people learn how to practice compassion with more depth and intensity.

This is one of the beautifully written works by Dalai Lama that offers us the key for opening door of inner peace and a happier world and helps us in attaining the spiritual maturity and tells us how to practice, tolerance, compassion and empathy from our inner self towards outer world.

“If a person shows anger to you, and you show anger in return, the result is disaster. If you nurse hatred, you will never be happy, even in the lap of luxury. By contrast, if you control your anger and show its opposite - love, compassion, tolerance, and patience - then not only do you remain in peace, but gradually the anger of others also will diminish.”
― Dalai Lama XIV,

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now this is what I’m talking about!

After my disappointment with Spiritual Advice for Buddhists and Christians, How to Be Compassionate provided me with exactly the sort of guidance and clear writing I wanted. I read it over a month – the chapters are such that they are somewhat independent of each other – and each chapter gave me a lot of food for thought about compassion in general, but also how to create compassion in my own world and how to combine compassion with standing up for what I believe in. The Dalai Lama’s advice allows us to embrace our anger at injustice, at inequality but to also move beyond it in a loving and positive manner.

A wonderful book for anyone of a spiritual or religious bent – or even just those looking for optimism in a world that seems increasingly dark. Highly recommended.

[carl theaker · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short 'self-help' book, much of which seems like common
sense, and parts make you ponder. I imagine for each person
which part is the common sense and which part is the ponder
would be different. It's a good read, a refresher course in
a way, and good ideas to think about making oneself a better
person in handling the ups and downs of life.

One of the ponder parts is the explanation that we are all
interconnected, there should be no I and You, then again
he says we are born alone and die alone. So that
contradiction needs some consideration.

[Mark Robison · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love the Dalai Lama but this book just didn’t work for me. It’s boring and generic in its advice. It creates straw man arguments such as: People think ethics has no place in politics but this is wrong because… To make the advice meaningful, it must be filled with real-world examples. And generalizations like “Violence always causes misery” do not offer insight. (Tell me how using violence against a rapist is wrong.) Any book by Thich Nhat Hanh will give better advice on incorporating compassion in your life; you might start with “The Miracle of Mindfulness.” And the Dalai Lama's "The Wisdom of Compassion" with Victor Chan is much better. Grade: C-

[Živilė · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Kad ir kiek patiriame tokių būsenų kaip geismas, neapykanta, ir nesusigaudymas, jos neužteršia esminės proto prigimties. Ji visada išlieka skaidri, kaip giedras dangus už debesų."

Visa knyga dvelkia ramybe, skaidriu protu ir didele atjauta.

[Valerie Campbell Ackroyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this audiobook for several mornings and evenings, on my usual dog walks. Although what the Dalai Lama says is in many ways simple and self-evident--that the world needs more altruism, more kindness, self-control--the practice is, as we know from what we see, extremely difficult. There were times, listening, that I wanted to challenge him and ask "What good does it do to wish tyrants and oppressors well? Is that really going to change the world?" Of course the answer is, we don't know because the world has never tried living according to the principles that he is proposing.

I can only take away the personal resolutions he has inspired me to make, to be less materialistic, more tolerant, more self-disciplined. His words ring true, even if it seems a mountain of Himalayan proportions to climb.

I gave it three stars because I felt the narration droned quite a bit. Mind you, the material probably doesn't lend itself to breathless, excitable reading. This is serious stuff. But I also gave it three stars because, inspired though I may be, I still feel that a lot of what he said was overly simplified. I actually don't know a lot about the Dalai Lama--I intend to remedy that--but listening to this, I often felt that he was just too otherworldly to understand how to solve the world's problems. However, as I said, I don't know enough about Tibetan Buddhism to say that with any authority and I do intend to study it more.

[Namgyal Dorje · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives us a practical way to know our nature, strength and weakness and to focus on becoming more peaceful and happy. With meditative and reflective methods taught in the book, one can start becoming more conscious and aware of one's thoughts and emotions. Reading this book, we come to realize that we are annoyed and disturbed by so many unnecessary thoughts which we can totally ignore and focus on the positive thoughts and emotions that make us happy regardless of adverse circumstances.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was both interesting and challenging to read. I agree that showing empathy is a means to achieving both personal and world peace. But ,boy, is it ever hard to really implement! The one take away that I liked was to breathe in the poison (negativity, anger, imbalance) and breathe out goodness (positivity, joy, and balance). I thought that would be intriguing as a meditation technique.

[Loke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Som de flesta, om inte alla, böcker av Dalai Lama handlar denna om hur kärlek och medkänsla är vitala för att leva ett meningsfullt liv. Med denna bok beskriver han raka metoder för att eliminera hat och avundsjuka ur ens liv och vikten av att känna för alla människor, även för de som skadar andra. Jag tycker att den var fin och givande, om än lite repetitiv.

[John Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I took my time and reflected on the meditation actions at the end of each chapter. Many steps in meditation to manage anger, provide compassion, empathize with others, and other useful ideas. Also a good summary of all at the end.

[George Kettler · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short and sweet book on the importance of mindful compassion. More of a series of exercises and mediations than an extensive philosophical treatise.

[Siri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Late review but i still use this book every week at minimum.

[Jared Catapano · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a time of political and social turbulence, How to Be Compassionate provides a roadmap to inner peace. While we may be struggling with our elected officials, friends, and family, HH the Dalai Lama shows us that compassion offers a way out of that conflict by understanding the human condition. This book can help so many people who are suffering and I only wish that everyone can read it.

[Beverly Sommer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like the Dali Lama was speaking to a large crowd in a lecture hall rather than an individual - me the reader.... still insightful and worth reading. My favorite: how his friend’s most dangerous moments while being held captive was potentially loosing compassion for the captors. Profound.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Common sense advice, but sometimes we need to be reminded.

[Wil · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to be compassionate is a book that I feel everyone should read at least twice. The book teaches many essential Buddhist principles of compassion and the impact that it will have on your life and others around you.

The Dalai Lama starts off by talking about the numerous disadvantages and cons to anger and why it has no place in our life. Anger being a great source of suffering and not allowing us to live lives true to ourself. After realizing the futility of anger we learn about numerous ways to change our perception on how we view others. And for me this was a great reminder of how our frame of mind truly effects our life. Seeing others as equals who deserve happiness is a great reminder that we all want the same things in life, which is to be happy and remove suffering. Everyone we meet is our family member, we are all truly brothers and sisters part of the human family.

One of the aspects of the book that I really liked was that there were helpful summaries throughout the book to reiterate some of the main lessons. As well as being multiple meditations you can try to help slowly change your mind to being a more compassionate one. As mentioned in the book it will take time to change your outlook and perspective to be that of compassion. This book serves as a great opportunity to pivot your mentality into one that is loving and accepting.

My main complaint about the book is that the way its written can be a bit hard to follow at times. This could be possibly due to it being a translation. However I did find that its not necessarily an easy read for most readers of the western audience.

Overall this book has been a game changer for me with changing my mentality. I plan to read it again in the future as a reminder of the many valuable lessons shared in the book.

[ZieriaRose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about kindness, how helping others can become a way of life, how to remain balanced and calm, and the pointlessness of anger. The desire (lust) for things or people, to possess more and more, ultimately only leads us to anguish and dissatisfaction, and negatively affects everyone else. The obvious choice between acting for my own benefit through selfishness (which benefits a single person, me) versus acting for the benefit of the many less-fortunate others is explained simply and convincingly. This book helps to put big-picture things into perspective. It focuses on the transient nature of everything, and how attachment leads to suffering. Of course it is easier said than done to counteract inculcation - we are taught to be selfish and desire success, to put our family before the wider community, and there is a biological component for survival also. The Dalai Lama is never preachy though, and explains that changing our thoughts and behaviour patterns is a slow process requiring commitment and discipline. But simply put, compassion for others is the key, whether those others are friends, enemies or neutral; we are all connected and we are all striving for more or less the same thing, freedom from suffering and attainment of happiness. Here's a hand book on how to do that in a world context, yet in our own daily lives.

[Margarita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Advice provided tells readers what to do in simple, understandable terms – i.e., let go of living in lust, hatred, anger. The advice, however, doesn’t dig deeper into aspects of how to do it. We are all at differing starting points, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. For a person who is only at the beginning of their journey (toward enlightenment), this kind of advice, however truthful and beneficial, can feel rather overwhelming to put into practice. It’s a slim, digestible read worth revisiting. Takeaways are sure to add up with each re-read.

[Joji]

Be a compassionate being not harbouring lust, hatred or ego. It talks about the need of looking life in the eyes of others and walking an extra mile in the shoes of others. Believing that everyone has the right to be happy and by doing their work selfishly or unselfishly, they are trying to be happy. It is explained with the experience of Tibetans under the Chinese regime. It also talks about how thinking about others and helping others can bring happiness and prosperity in our lives. So think of others before you, it can change your life. Good little book

[Evan · Rating 3 out of 5]

very concise, well-written and accessible guide, incorporating the core tenets of buddhism in a very understandable way. i'm no buddhist but i drew a lot of interesting information and perspectives from this. i disagree with a lot of the more individualist conclusions of this book, the insistence on love prevailing over all forces in the world and all society's ills being caused by vague hatred comes off as naive and oversimplified to me, but what do i know? i've never gotten up at half 3 to meditate and maybe if i had i would understand.

[Bianca · Rating 2 out of 5]

The handbook is in essence revolving around acceptance and mantra practices as a mechanism for compassion and I really wished I could have enjoyed it more.

There was nothing truly revelational for me in it, though the part about altruism meaning valuing others just as you value yourself (not more, not less) to be important and a bit different compared to common comprehension of altruistic behaviour.

In the end though, it was repetitive with no "wow" moments.

[Adam Zuwerink · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Dalai Lama has the unique ability to be both highly personalized in his writing, while also a "big picture" thinker in his speeches and philosophy. This book falls more in the latter category because it is a compilation of his teachings. You will walk away from this book thinking, I already intuitively knew and agree with these teachings, and yet also realize how hard they are to actually implement in the mundane reality of every day living.

[Hannah Beek · Rating 2 out of 5]

“The sole source of peace within you, in the family, in the country, and the world, is altruism - love and compassion. At the core of our existence as human beings is the desire to live purposeful, meaningful lives. Our purpose is to develop a warm heart. We find meaning in our lives by being a friend to everyone. Altruism is the cure because it is the most authentic way to conduct your life.”

[Jun · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pleasant and inspiring short read. At some points slightly repetetive and not written particularly skillfully, but nevertheless the message is clear and useful. Encouraged me to look further into kindness philosophy and practice mindfulness.

[Mrinalini Batra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be full of advice but fewer directions on how best to incorporate the practices in your life. This made the reading labored; a lot of the advice is what we are already aware of. Some good insights but I felt that the matter was dealt with rather pedantically.