The Way We Are

by Margaret Visser

From the celebrated author of The Rituals of Dinner and Much Depends on Dinner comes a new collection of witty and insightful essays. In The Way We Are Margaret Visser, a self-described "anthropologist of everyday life," identifies and dissects the whos, whats, whys, and wherefores of how we live. Tapping in to our fascination with our own origins, eccentricities, and foibles, she makes ordinary objects - like restaurant menus and bathing suits - and typical habits - like showering or forgetting someone's name - yield up what they have to tell us about the way we are and how we became this way. What constitutes an initiation rite in our society? Why are we so squeamish about eating offal? What are the unsavory implications of Santa Claus? This is writing that bears Margaret Visser's distinctive, unmistakable stamp. She leaves us with a rich and fascinating portrait of ourselves and forces us to think about what exactly it means to live in the modern world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Anthropology, Essays, History, Psychology, Food, Canada

305 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Margaret Visser writes on the history, anthropology, and mythology of
everyday life. Her most recent book is The Gift of Thanks, published by HarperCollins. Her previous books, Much Depends on Dinner, The Rituals of Dinner, The Way We Are, and The Geometry of Love, have all been best sellers and have won major international awards, including the Glenfiddich Award for Foodbook of the Year in Britain in 1989, the International Association of Culinary Professionals' Literary Food Writing Award, and the Jane Grigson Award. In 2002 she gave the Massey Lectures on CBC radio, subsequently published as the best-selling book, Beyond Fate. Her books have been translated into French, German, Dutch, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. She appears frequently on radio and television, and has lectured extensively in Canada, the United States, Europe, and Australia. She divides her time between Toronto, Paris, and South West France.

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF. I wanted to read this so much having just finished the 10-star Much Depends on Dinner: The Extraordinary History and Mythology, Allure and Obsessions, Perils and Taboos of an Ordinary Meal and years ago enjoyed The Rituals of Dinner: The Origins, Evolution, Eccentricities and Meaning of Table Manners. But this book is book was disappointing. Most of the 'essays' are far too short to be called that, more columns, snippets, what have you. The sort of almost-a-page snippets the small-format Readers' Digest my father liked so much would publish. They seem to be have been written to amuse (some do) as much as to give anthropological insights into 'the way we are'. I like far more depth than a few paragraphs can convey.

[Leslie · Rating 3 out of 5]

One day a few weeks ago, we got stuck in a giant traffic jam. A trip that usually takes less than 10 minutes took an hour and a half and for long stretches we just turned off the engine because we weren’t moving. I happened to have this book in my bag, so I took it out and started reading some of the pieces aloud. Every time I finished one, we talked about it for a bit, then my husband said, “That was cool. Read another one.”
Those were ideal circumstances in which to read a book like this. As columns, which these short essays originally were, they are wonderful. As sustained, read-in-one-go essays, not so much; she just skims the surface of topics that could be discussed at much greater length. But they’re perfect when you have a few minutes to read but don’t want something that requires sustained attention (much better than pulling out your phone and fiddling mindlessly with that for a while).

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

A co-worker loaned me this book after I told him about Bill Bryson's Made in America, about the etymology of English in America, which I really hadn't liked. I guess the idea was that maybe I would like Margaret Visser (who goes beyond word etymologies to the meaning of cultural symbols and customs) better. While Visser isn't nearly as insufferable as Bryson, I can't say I much enjoyed this book either. Maybe the topic just brings out smugness? (At least Visser has the benefit of being a true expert, rather than a self-proclaimed one...)

Tone aside, The Way We Are is just not a very well done or well put together book. It's a compendium of very short expository snippets about western culture, ranging from high heels, to Santa Claus, and back again. Emphasis on the back again, it's very repetitive. Visser has her pet symbols and interpretations, and she returns to them again and again. Although she defends her blurby, higgeldy-piggeldy format in the introduction, it comes off as sloppy and off-putting to me. The Way We Are would have held my interest much better if it extended and combined its short segments into coherent chapters linking interrelated themes and delving much deeper into the explanations and interpretations. As written, it's much too cursory and repetitive.

Of course, I might not even like a revised The Way We Are. I've never been big on symbolism, and I don't see the need for everyday objects to be made fraught with meaning...

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of micro-essays on being human, on being "The Way We Are". It is an apt title. John Fraser, in his foreword to the book, describes this type of work as a "visserism", and says: "more 'hmmms' have been uttered at the end of a Visser column than after anything else published in the magazine [Saturday Night]." That perfectly describes these wandering explorations. It is an unpredictable and eclectic mix of topics, such as High Heels, Greetings, The Fireplace, Christmas Pudding, Crossword Puzzles, Vacations, Bells, etc. In just several brief pages (always accompanied by several references, for brevity does not excuse a lack of academic rigor), she is able to convey concisely why a particular subject is of interest, and outlines its appropriate etymology, anthropologic signficance, and evolution into modern usage, replete with interesting anecdotal examples. She places the subject in its ancient history and describes how it has echoed through the ages and sometimes achieved a symbolism. It is a marriage of enthusiastic curiosity with a love of research.

[E.E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Much Depends on Dinner is one of my favorites, and I love Visser's authorial style. She has a talent for digging up quirky and, often, poignant details in the history of everyday things. One would think, then, that the short-essay format would suit her beautifully, but unfortunately, it doesn't. In many of these essays, it feels as though she is wrestling with the word count: either trying to eke a last few paragraphs out of a subject that doesn't need it, or forcing an awkwardly truncated conclusion onto an exploration that wants to go further. While there are still plenty of little gems to be found in this collection (I had never before considered why we don't eat squirrels, or understood the early 20th century fascination with Jell-O), the overall effect is unsatisfying. I would suggest that interested readers check out her long form work instead.

[Cheryl · Rating 2 out of 5]

As other reviewers point out, these snippets are too short, too superficial. The author comes across and smug, yes. And she is definitely guilty of overgeneralizing. But I do absolutely enormously appreciate that the bibliographical notes are at the end of each piece... I do not have to page to the back to find either a sense that I trust her research or to find further reading. There is also an index, so a reader casually interested in some topics of pop psychology might want to just dip in to the topics of interest to them.

I'm about 1/3 in. It'll take awhile to get through, reading just a few pieces at a time. Good thing the library has generous renewal policies... I would *not* want to have boughten this.... ;)
---
Ok done. Not too excited to read other works by the author, even those less likely to suffer from being 'vignette' superficial.

Avocados: sugared and eaten for dessert in Brazil; unusual in that it becomes less sweet as it ripens more... so maybe I should take the hard ones that go on sale at the grocery and make a sort of cobbler or parfait....

Want to read Of Plants And People by Charles Bixler Heiser.

Tap-dancing: want to find video of John W. Bibbles or maybe someone doing homage to this Black man from the 1920s; want to learn what 'jazz ballet' is that took over the musicals and so pushed Donald O'Connor, Gene Kelly, Eleanor Powell, and others out of fashion.

[Cathryn Conroy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you know the origins of the umbrella? What is the history of the humble avocado? Find out the chilly history of a shower. Learn the "secrets" of a restaurant menu and how we all fall for these marketing tricks over and over again.

This book is a compendium of five dozen essays, each of which can be read in just minutes, by Margaret Visser, a Brit by birth who is now living in Canada and working for the Canadian magazine "Saturday Night." She examines everyday objects—from tipping to taking a shower, wedding cakes to wigs, and crossword puzzles to chewing gum. The result? You will never be able to simply dismiss these items again without remembering what she wrote.

The effect is alternately delightful and disturbing!

Bonus: Her description of Santa Claus is both hilarious and horrifying. At any rate, it will forever change your ideas about the jolly old elf, so read with caution if you don't want to upset your longstanding childhood notions.

Another bonus: She offers a great way to remember the names of new people you have met.

[Carolyn Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

A series of short newspaper columns from Saturday Night Magazine about different objects, customs and traditions from everyday life including Christmas puddings, high heeled shoes, chairs, and knitting. The columns are insightful and witty and include short bibliographies for further reading about the history of food, fashion and everyday life. Although the book was written in the 1990s, there are few columns that are obviously dated, which the exception of the piece about pantyhose, which the author describes as a necessity but has become less ubiquitous as more people work from home. An enjoyable read.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short book of collected articles explaining everyday things like favs beans or fireplaces. Started sometime last year, interesting but not compelling like a narrative so it felll to the wayside. Finished to clear it off of my Kindle.

[Maddy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find these essays too short - they often end abruptly. (I know, I know, they were short magazine columns.) Still some fun nuggets of info though.

[Poppy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tidbits and oddments

Fun facts to know and tell—if you’re a nerd who delights in etymology or cultural history. But I’m sorry—Santa Claus is *not* phallic.

[Susan Ladan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a collection of interesting essays about mostly common-place things, how they came to be named and/or have the significance they have today.

[Lee Torvi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting collection of short essays detailing scores of items in our lives, their history, meaning, significance, etc.

[Alisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I browsed through a lot of the subjects. Really only read a handful, just the ones I was interested in.

[Wayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

How little we reflect as we pursue our busy, busy lives that EVERYTHING that crosses our path has a History.
And that we are so often indebted to persons unknown for the creation of all these EVERYDAY things.

I can always recall my mother exiting the Archaeological Museum in Athens and announcing with utter wonderment: "They used exactly the same dental instruments that we're using today."
First of all, she wasn't a dentist but ran a big dental practice for many years and what dental knowledge she didn't pick up there...
Secondly,she wasn't talking about electric drills, smarties!!!
And finally she really got me thinking...about the history or origins of the chair, the fork, the handkerchief....I already knew about the History of the Sandwich!!!(You know, Lord Sandwich, the inveterate gambler,who couldn't drag himself away from the gambling table even to eat, so had the servants slap whatever was on between two bits of bread!!!
Voila, le sandwich!!!!)

When I eventually came across Margaret Visser's books many years later, how I blessed the gods( whose histories I'd already exhausted, and thankfully Margaret is NOT a theologian) for whoever created Margaret!!(Mr and Mrs Visser, of course)
Margaret also goes into the origins of habits and customs...I'm sure 'spitting' is one of them.(As you can see she left no stone unturned.)
Margaret's "Much Depends On Dinner" which has the MOST amazing chapter on corn you'll EVER read, and you'll find out that a meal at table is one of the most dangerous places you can ever be in which is why so many taboos have been set up to ensure our survival there....and see, they work, which is the only reason you are reading THIS!!!
And the other book "The Rituals of Dinner" which is where the survival bit may actually be found...can't remember now.
But READ ALL THREE!!You won't be sorry and you'll be the MOST interesting Bore at the next Dinner Party you attend, but I can't be certain about your survival.But if you do, you are certain to be invited back, more credit to Margaret than to you, I think.

[Peter · Rating 2 out of 5]

Margaret Visser came to North America from Africa and sees us with an outsider's eye. This book is a collection of her columns that appeared in Saturday Night magazine before 1994. Whether discussing umbrellas or high heel shoes, she entertains with insightful comment and interesting historical information.
Best read one chapter/column at a time, with time to reflect on our curious habits, attitudes, rituals, clothing, foods and beliefs.

[Loyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a collection of short essays on a variety of subjects, usually revolving around customs of the home. Each piece is informative, enlightening, and opens your eyes to a richer, more detailed world.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short (3-4 page) essays that were originally radio pieces. They explore the history and anthropology of things from high heels, to chairs, to the left hand, to the easter bunny. Delightful and good to read before bed or early on a lazy morning.

[Paula Dembeck · Rating 2 out of 5]

A collection of short essays that examine the “who”, “what” and “where” of how we live. These are short pieces about common activities of everyday life. She provides a cultural history for each. Almost all came from columns of Saturday Night magazine.

[Kris Kennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wide ranging trivia but not as enjoyable as some of her work. Methinks it might be the limitation of writing for a column. Some topics don't lend themselves to the short discussion available in a column

[Arlene Richards · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very interesting historical review of the origin of word. It reads more like a reference book and I must admit I skimmed the content as I got closer to the end.

[Diane · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book contains a collection of short stories that attempt to explain who we are. I was offended by the book. I kept reading and hoping that I would find something, but was disappointed.