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The Apprentice
A corpse is resurrected and apprenticed to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse for seven days. During the course of the week, he tries to remember how he died, accompanies Death on his daily round, and learns what it means to be undead. Printed editions: The Apprentice (UK, 1999); Damned If You Do (US, 2000); Death's Apprentice (Russia, 2003); L'Apprendista (Italy, 2010); The Apprentice / The Journeyman double edition (Russia, 2017).
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First published January 1, 1999
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
July 22, 2021
Wow. What a book this is. Like nothing I’ve ever read before.
The main characters are Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence (with Skirmish as a side character) and I honestly can’t stress enough how cleverly this was written. This gave me major Tim Burton energy: Corpse Bride meets Beetlejuice. Definitely a dark comedy.
It’s undeniably funny, also sad, bizarre, it has sections that are incredibly difficult/uncomfortable to read, it has every emotion whilst somehow maintaining a somewhat lighthearted story.
Honourable mention to Death playing actual chess with the living. Genius.
The main characters are Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence (with Skirmish as a side character) and I honestly can’t stress enough how cleverly this was written. This gave me major Tim Burton energy: Corpse Bride meets Beetlejuice. Definitely a dark comedy.
It’s undeniably funny, also sad, bizarre, it has sections that are incredibly difficult/uncomfortable to read, it has every emotion whilst somehow maintaining a somewhat lighthearted story.
Honourable mention to Death playing actual chess with the living. Genius.
September 30, 2021
Totally, utterly original, this is a fabulous read. Humorous in parts, but very dark humour. It's also not for the feint hearted. There is a 20 minute song by a band called Frost* called Milliontown based on this book. Read the synopsis to see how original this is.
October 31, 2009
I’ve been putting off doing this review because I feel so sacrilegious doing it. Awhile back I had been perusing reviews of Christopher Moore’s books (one of my favorite authors) and I ran across a reader who said A Dirty Job was a rip off of Dammed if You Do, and not even one all that well done. By no means do I think Moore is impervious to criticism, but I was blown away by the readers scathing disapproval of Moore’s book. So, in an attempt to prove them wrong (at least in my mind), I sought out this rather difficult to find book (none of the local bookstores carried it; online is apparently the only option?). I’ll preempt my review by stating up front that a) I have a rather twisted sense of humor and b) while I did not mind the disjointed style of writing used throughout, I can see it bugging others. That being said....
I started the book with a grudge, not wanting it to prove me wrong. But alas, prove me wrong it did. The thing that sets Dammed if You Do apart from other books is that it offers the dark humor and wit that I was expecting, but it also had an eloquence that caught me off guard. The story is humorous (causing me to laugh outright at times) but there is an undercurrent of something deeper that builds and builds. There is a continual dance that the characters maintain, the steps of which are a persistent attempt to grasp the point of life, death, humanity. The idea of War, Famine, Death, and Pestilence walking around in gaudy outfits, bickering about the bureaucracies of their “organization” offers an amusing backdrop, but the true beauty of this book is in the interspersed ponderings of the characters. The main character is torn between death and the living, stuck in the middle, attempting to come to terms with memories of his premature demise and his new role as Death’s assistant. Death, on the other hand, is disillusioned with his job, no longer seeing the point to it all. I hate to say it, but that review I had stumbled across was right. As much as I loved A Dirty Job, this book trumps it, hands down. Excuse me while I go enjoy my guilt tip now.
I started the book with a grudge, not wanting it to prove me wrong. But alas, prove me wrong it did. The thing that sets Dammed if You Do apart from other books is that it offers the dark humor and wit that I was expecting, but it also had an eloquence that caught me off guard. The story is humorous (causing me to laugh outright at times) but there is an undercurrent of something deeper that builds and builds. There is a continual dance that the characters maintain, the steps of which are a persistent attempt to grasp the point of life, death, humanity. The idea of War, Famine, Death, and Pestilence walking around in gaudy outfits, bickering about the bureaucracies of their “organization” offers an amusing backdrop, but the true beauty of this book is in the interspersed ponderings of the characters. The main character is torn between death and the living, stuck in the middle, attempting to come to terms with memories of his premature demise and his new role as Death’s assistant. Death, on the other hand, is disillusioned with his job, no longer seeing the point to it all. I hate to say it, but that review I had stumbled across was right. As much as I loved A Dirty Job, this book trumps it, hands down. Excuse me while I go enjoy my guilt tip now.
November 24, 2023
One of my favourite books of all time.
May 9, 2018
absolutely loved it
November 14, 2023
“Non si può sfuggire alla logica finale: ero destinato a morire solo perché mia madre e mio padre volevano che vivessi. È tutto qui il significato dell’esistenza❓”
Avete presente la Signora con la falce e i suoi tre apocalittici amici❓Bene, dimenticateveli. Perché qui Morte, Carestia, Pestilenza e Guerra sono più umani dei mortali. Quasi stanchi del loro “lavoro”, gravati dal peso della quotidianità e dal pensiero che, forse, ciò che fanno è tutto inutile.
✨È notte e in un silenzioso cimitero di Oxford, un tizio alto, dal volto scavato e con dei ciuffi di capelli da entrambi i lati, bussa sul coperchio di una tomba, è Morte, l’empia lotteria ha sorteggiato il suo nuovo apprendista, un giovane che non ricorda quasi nulla della sua vita e della sua dipartita. Sarà il suo assistente per sette giorni, alloggerà all’Agenzia e se passerà la prova diventerà un Agente qualificato, con tutti i benefici: immortalità, spese pagate e tutto il resto di un ottimo contratto. In caso contrario, potrà scegliere tra le “terminazioni” a cui assisterà per porre, di nuovo, fine alla sua rinascita.
✨L’apprendista di Gordon Houghton è un libro con una forte vena umoristica accompagnata da riflessioni filosofiche sulla vita. Surreale e argutamente pungente, racconta la vita di questo giovane che non ne ha imbroccata una buona, attanagliato da un amore che sarà la sua fine, senza mai essere riuscito ad apprezzare veramente la bellezza della vita. Ed è durante le sue giornate con i quattro che si renderà conto che lui, altro non desidera che una seconda chance.
✨Un romanzo che tratta la morte senza paura e senza girarci intorno, per quello che è, inevitabile. E lo fa con una prosa evocativa, con humor nero, disilluso quasi. Una lettura che sa intrattenere, a me é piaciuta davvero tanto, così esilarante, divertente e dannatamente coinvolgente.
Avete presente la Signora con la falce e i suoi tre apocalittici amici❓Bene, dimenticateveli. Perché qui Morte, Carestia, Pestilenza e Guerra sono più umani dei mortali. Quasi stanchi del loro “lavoro”, gravati dal peso della quotidianità e dal pensiero che, forse, ciò che fanno è tutto inutile.
✨È notte e in un silenzioso cimitero di Oxford, un tizio alto, dal volto scavato e con dei ciuffi di capelli da entrambi i lati, bussa sul coperchio di una tomba, è Morte, l’empia lotteria ha sorteggiato il suo nuovo apprendista, un giovane che non ricorda quasi nulla della sua vita e della sua dipartita. Sarà il suo assistente per sette giorni, alloggerà all’Agenzia e se passerà la prova diventerà un Agente qualificato, con tutti i benefici: immortalità, spese pagate e tutto il resto di un ottimo contratto. In caso contrario, potrà scegliere tra le “terminazioni” a cui assisterà per porre, di nuovo, fine alla sua rinascita.
✨L’apprendista di Gordon Houghton è un libro con una forte vena umoristica accompagnata da riflessioni filosofiche sulla vita. Surreale e argutamente pungente, racconta la vita di questo giovane che non ne ha imbroccata una buona, attanagliato da un amore che sarà la sua fine, senza mai essere riuscito ad apprezzare veramente la bellezza della vita. Ed è durante le sue giornate con i quattro che si renderà conto che lui, altro non desidera che una seconda chance.
✨Un romanzo che tratta la morte senza paura e senza girarci intorno, per quello che è, inevitabile. E lo fa con una prosa evocativa, con humor nero, disilluso quasi. Una lettura che sa intrattenere, a me é piaciuta davvero tanto, così esilarante, divertente e dannatamente coinvolgente.
October 3, 2022
I believe youre Damned if you dont read this novel
But in all seriousness, this book struck me with its origianality and how the author was able to make a lovechild of tragedy and comedy.
Our main character and narrarator ( who we dont know the name of ) has been resurected from the dead by the grim reaper himself.
Soon after he rose from the dead, our main character finds himself with the 4 horsemen: Death, pestilence, famine, and war to work as a temp for Death ( because clearly death has way too much on his hands, see population control).
So not only do you work until you die, you can work in the afterlife too! joy
Anyways, the main character spends the next 7 days assisting death in what he does best, killing people in not so pretty ways.
Our main character gets to be the witness, if not helpful ( which how helpful can a zombie be) to the catastrophic workings of death.
Through death by spread of deadly disese to death by a series of unfortunate events, our main character finds that the afterlife isnt proving to be optimistic; especially when you dont remeber your name and can hardly piece back the memory of how you yourself died.
With that being said, I will not spoil anything about this hilarous novel but I will say this as propaganda to get you to read it:
we all die eventually, might as well get to know the grim reaper before you meet him in person..
if ya get my drift
But in all seriousness, this book struck me with its origianality and how the author was able to make a lovechild of tragedy and comedy.
Our main character and narrarator ( who we dont know the name of ) has been resurected from the dead by the grim reaper himself.
Soon after he rose from the dead, our main character finds himself with the 4 horsemen: Death, pestilence, famine, and war to work as a temp for Death ( because clearly death has way too much on his hands, see population control).
So not only do you work until you die, you can work in the afterlife too! joy
Anyways, the main character spends the next 7 days assisting death in what he does best, killing people in not so pretty ways.
Our main character gets to be the witness, if not helpful ( which how helpful can a zombie be) to the catastrophic workings of death.
Through death by spread of deadly disese to death by a series of unfortunate events, our main character finds that the afterlife isnt proving to be optimistic; especially when you dont remeber your name and can hardly piece back the memory of how you yourself died.
With that being said, I will not spoil anything about this hilarous novel but I will say this as propaganda to get you to read it:
we all die eventually, might as well get to know the grim reaper before you meet him in person..
if ya get my drift
December 31, 2018
Set in Oxford, this first-person account of a week in the (after)life of a zombie is by turns slapstick, surreal, and wistful. Corpse #72 18 9 11 12 13 49 is dragged out of his grave by Death (yes Death, he of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse--only now they are the 4 Car Drivers of the Apocalypse), who is looking for a replacement for Hades. It seems Hades was recently ripped apart by Cerebus, but it's not really clear who masterminded the attack. The zombie has a week to prove himself a capable assistant, or else he gets re-offed and returned to the grave.
Most of the humor comes in the portrayal of Death, Disease, Famine, War, and underling Skirmish, as petty bureaucrats who bickerer and whine their way through the week. Pestilence is constantly experimenting with new plagues to unleash, if only he got approval from "The Chief." War and Skirmish revel in bar-room brawls and instigating playground fights. Death, on the other hand, is kind of bored and fed up with everything. It has more than a slight whiff of Monty Python about it all. The narrative alternates between recounting the day's activities (each day brings with it an "accidental" death to oversee), and ruminations on the zombie's life before his death at age 28. Although we know he died falling off a roof, he slowly unveils his life story leading up to that moment. Old relationships are rehashed, and he reflects on having squandered his life. Some moderate tension is built as we learn more and more about his final hours, and he realizes he desperately wants to give life a second chance--which of course means cheating Death...
Most of the humor comes in the portrayal of Death, Disease, Famine, War, and underling Skirmish, as petty bureaucrats who bickerer and whine their way through the week. Pestilence is constantly experimenting with new plagues to unleash, if only he got approval from "The Chief." War and Skirmish revel in bar-room brawls and instigating playground fights. Death, on the other hand, is kind of bored and fed up with everything. It has more than a slight whiff of Monty Python about it all. The narrative alternates between recounting the day's activities (each day brings with it an "accidental" death to oversee), and ruminations on the zombie's life before his death at age 28. Although we know he died falling off a roof, he slowly unveils his life story leading up to that moment. Old relationships are rehashed, and he reflects on having squandered his life. Some moderate tension is built as we learn more and more about his final hours, and he realizes he desperately wants to give life a second chance--which of course means cheating Death...
May 28, 2014
It could be you...
Hades is dead, and Death needs a new apprentice. A corpse is unearthed and is asked to spend seven days helping the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in their daily affairs, at the same time trying to solve the puzzle of who he is and how he died. At the end of his trial period he will either be appointed Death's apprentice or chose the manner in which he returns to the grave.
I first read this in 2000. It was highly recommended (loaned?) by a friend when it was called "Damned if you Do" (American title) and I absolutely loved it. Fun, exciting and darkly comedic, it rekindled my love for reading and became an immediate favorite.
I recently found out that a sequel was released last year (The Journeyman), totally under my radar, and I freaked. I tore into it immediately and quickly realized that I didn't remember as much about the original as I thought I did, particularly the ending. So I revisited the agency, the four horsemen and the apprentice. 14 years later it's still fun and exciting. Still a favorite, and still my #1 go-to recommendation when friends ask what they should read. "The Apprentice/ Damned if you Do" is my litmus test.
*fun fact: "Damned if you Do" has one more page than "The Apprentice". A quick epilogue.
P.S. If this ever makes the jump to film I'd like to see Carrot Top as War. Perfect.
The Mouths of Madness Podcastshow
my link text
Hades is dead, and Death needs a new apprentice. A corpse is unearthed and is asked to spend seven days helping the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in their daily affairs, at the same time trying to solve the puzzle of who he is and how he died. At the end of his trial period he will either be appointed Death's apprentice or chose the manner in which he returns to the grave.
I first read this in 2000. It was highly recommended (loaned?) by a friend when it was called "Damned if you Do" (American title) and I absolutely loved it. Fun, exciting and darkly comedic, it rekindled my love for reading and became an immediate favorite.
I recently found out that a sequel was released last year (The Journeyman), totally under my radar, and I freaked. I tore into it immediately and quickly realized that I didn't remember as much about the original as I thought I did, particularly the ending. So I revisited the agency, the four horsemen and the apprentice. 14 years later it's still fun and exciting. Still a favorite, and still my #1 go-to recommendation when friends ask what they should read. "The Apprentice/ Damned if you Do" is my litmus test.
*fun fact: "Damned if you Do" has one more page than "The Apprentice". A quick epilogue.
P.S. If this ever makes the jump to film I'd like to see Carrot Top as War. Perfect.
The Mouths of Madness Podcastshow
my link text
March 4, 2014
I read this book back in my college days, and it stuck with me through the years. It was a unique take on death and the Grim Reaper using both seriousness and humor twisted together perfectly. My paperback copy is full of underlined quotes that I loved from the book, and I find myself often leafing through it even today to reread them. There were plenty of instances that made me think deeply about my own path in life while connecting to the characters in the book and their own individual paths in life. I highly recommend the book to people in their late teens to early twenties, ones who are just starting out in life and figuring out where they belong. This isn't a coming of age book, but it does have significant moments in the book that anyone in that age frame and beyond can relate too and think, "yes, yes, that was me. I couldn't have said that better myself."
October 25, 2022
2.5
reviwes here were very positive so maybe that's why I was expecting better.
This is not a bad book, but at the same time it's nothing exceptional, either; I have no issues with dark comedy, but this was not very dark, nor much comedic.
It sloow, way slower than you'd expect a book this small be... There are constant flashbacks which would not be an issue per se but it repeats itself A LOT, which gets tedious after a while.
I just didn't love it, i guess, even if the premise was really interesting :/ at the end of the day this was a book i randomly found at a thrift store by an author I've never heard about that I'll probably completely forget about in six months
reviwes here were very positive so maybe that's why I was expecting better.
This is not a bad book, but at the same time it's nothing exceptional, either; I have no issues with dark comedy, but this was not very dark, nor much comedic.
It sloow, way slower than you'd expect a book this small be... There are constant flashbacks which would not be an issue per se but it repeats itself A LOT, which gets tedious after a while.
I just didn't love it, i guess, even if the premise was really interesting :/ at the end of the day this was a book i randomly found at a thrift store by an author I've never heard about that I'll probably completely forget about in six months
July 25, 2011
I liked this book, although there were parts that made me very sad. I have been accused of liking nihilistic, bleak novels(and its true), but this one kind of took it to a new level. There is one point where it got so hopeless feeling I had to put it aside for a while. It did explore themes that interest me greatly, and in an interesting way. Ironic and a little sarcastic. If you're looking for something a little bit different, this could be it.
Ultimately a very good read.
Ultimately a very good read.
May 17, 2007
I read this book in 2 days. It was funny but had depth to it also. The 4 Horseman have replaced their horses with crappy cars, death is suffering from job burnout and the narrator is the lucky stiff that wins the apprenticeship. He seems to reflect more on his life as a zombie than he did as a living person. Also covered in this book is zombie fashion.
February 3, 2015
Якщо в трьох словах, то тут розказується про ще одну версію життя після життя зомбаків. Я десь читала статистику, що книг де пишуть про не мертвих, але і не живих приблизно 1 до 10 мільйонів. Досить не розкрита тема)))
Все, як у всіх: робота, не вирішені справи, але при цьому всьому - є ймовірність,що тебе знову закопають....
Все, як у всіх: робота, не вирішені справи, але при цьому всьому - є ймовірність,що тебе знову закопають....
November 21, 2021
I read this on recommendation from a friend who claimed it to be their favourite read. A lot to live up to and this book did not disappoint. An easy page turner with an original story. I felt the light hearted twist on a potentially dark genre was executed very well. I was compelled to read on and was thoroughly entertained.
September 30, 2023
Darkly funny. Found this book on a shelf at goodwill, took a chance on it. I love pestilence famine and war. Everyones over exagerated as their stereotypical selves. It takes a classic tale and makes it wry. Fun to read.
February 24, 2009
About six years ago, a friend of mine loaned me this book because she thought it would like it.
The concept of this book was very interesting to me, and it kept me hooked the whole time.
The concept of this book was very interesting to me, and it kept me hooked the whole time.
March 21, 2013
Excellent, poignant, sad, tasteful, honest to almost painful, black and bright.
July 25, 2025
Четыре всадника Апокалипсиса (Смерть, Мор, Глад и Раздор) не справляются со своими обязанностями (сраная бюрократия!) и периодически берут помощников. Смерти достается безымянный труп 28-летнего парня, в чьи задачи входят ассистирование в устранении людей, однако он предпочитает ностальгировать по прошлому и по крупицам восстанавливать воспоминания. Поначалу это ужасно душещипательный прием, но когда чувак начинает переносить его на всех людей, становится невесело.
Мне обещали что-то монтипайтоновское, но герой настолько вязнет в своих думках, что получается Вуди Аллен на минималках. Нет, это не иронично, не саркастично. Это… ну вот так. Смерть ест мышей, Мор ходит в фурункулах, Глад хотел бы зваться Лад, но don’t try to make Lad happen. Когда умильность перешла в унылость, а смерти превратились в gorefest (вообще не страшный), мне показалось, что книге не хватило хорошего редактора. Все же стоило объяснить про баланс смешного и грустного.
Перевод Шаши Мартыновой хорош, но я никогда не пойму смысла перевода газет как «Блюститель» и «Солнце», поскольку Guardian и Sun и так на слуху. Сильно напряглась, увидев группу «Подразделение утех». Оказалось Joy Division 🤦♀️ Меня дико выбивали эти особенности перевода, а я ужасно не люблю когда меня прерывает сама книга.
Попробую продолжение, оно вроде получще.
Мне обещали что-то монтипайтоновское, но герой настолько вязнет в своих думках, что получается Вуди Аллен на минималках. Нет, это не иронично, не саркастично. Это… ну вот так. Смерть ест мышей, Мор ходит в фурункулах, Глад хотел бы зваться Лад, но don’t try to make Lad happen. Когда умильность перешла в унылость, а смерти превратились в gorefest (вообще не страшный), мне показалось, что книге не хватило хорошего редактора. Все же стоило объяснить про баланс смешного и грустного.
Перевод Шаши Мартыновой хорош, но я никогда не пойму смысла перевода газет как «Блюститель» и «Солнце», поскольку Guardian и Sun и так на слуху. Сильно напряглась, увидев группу «Подразделение утех». Оказалось Joy Division 🤦♀️ Меня дико выбивали эти особенности перевода, а я ужасно не люблю когда меня прерывает сама книга.
Попробую продолжение, оно вроде получще.
November 14, 2025
The first book in ages I couldnt put down. You will never look at Revels the same way again! I cant praise this book enough, from an orginal idea, well written and so engageing. Its almost two stories in one, the "who/how done it" of the main charaters death and the 7 days as an apprentice to Death. Some brilliant humour ,with the unluckiest mans death being the highlight. Although sometimes very dark, it has laugh out lound momnents and I spent most of the time grining, as it was so entertaining . The best book I've read in ages.
January 29, 2024
Upon finishing this one, it ends completely different than you'd think from where it began.
It was a really easy, follow the bouncing ball, refreshing kind of read. A nice book to read between books. Lighthearted take on the subject matter, albeit gruesome at points. The writing is exceptionally English. Has a great tone similar to Good Omens if it were written by Nick Hornsby.
It was a really easy, follow the bouncing ball, refreshing kind of read. A nice book to read between books. Lighthearted take on the subject matter, albeit gruesome at points. The writing is exceptionally English. Has a great tone similar to Good Omens if it were written by Nick Hornsby.
October 29, 2008
I really enjoyed this book. It was funny. I wish it had a better ending, it seems like the author ran out of steam or ideas, but overall I felt it was worth my time.
February 29, 2008
I like the weird quirkiness of this book but if you want a stright up story with a definative ending you should look elsewhere.
July 24, 2008
eh. Amusing, but not great. super quick read.
December 9, 2010
Well thought bit not I did not enjoy that much the way it's written.
September 18, 2013
If you like Neal Gaiman, you will definitely like this.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews