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Them: A Memoir of Parents
Tatiana du Plessix, the wife of a French diplomat, was a beautiful, sophisticated white Russian who had been the muse of the famous Russian poet Vladimir Mayakovsky. Alexander Liberman, the ambitious son of a prominent Russian Jew, was a gifted magazine editor and aspiring artist. As part of the progressive artistic Russian emigré community living in Paris in the 1930s, the two were destined to meet. They began a passionate affair, and the year after Paris was occupied in World War II they fled to New York with Tatiana's young daughter, Francine.There they determinedly rose to the top of high society, holding court to a Who's Who list of the midcentury's intellectuals and entertainers. Flamboyant and outrageous, bold and brilliant, they were irresistible to friends like Marlene Dietrich, Salvador Dalí, and the publishing tycoon Condé Nast. But to those who knew them well they were also highly neurotic, narcissistic, and glacially self-promoting, prone to cut out of their lives, with surgical precision, close friends who were no longer of use to them.
Tatiana became an icon of New York fashion, and the hats she designed for Saks Fifth Avenue were de rigueur for stylish women everywhere. Alexander Liberman, who devotedly raised Francine as his own child from the time she was nine, eventually came to preside over the entire Condé Nast empire. The glamorous life they shared was both creative and destructive and was marked by an exceptional bond forged out of their highly charged love and raging self-centeredness. Their obsessive adulation of success and elegance was elevated to a kind of worship, and the high drama that characterized their lives followed them to their deaths. Tatiana, increasingly consumed with nostalgia for a long-lost Russia, spent her last years addicted to painkillers. Shortly after her death, Alexander, then age eighty, shocked all who knew him by marrying her nurse.
Them: A Portrait of Parents is a beautifully written homage to the extraordinary lives of two fascinating, irrepressible people who were larger than life emblems of a bygone age. Written with honesty and grace by the person who knew them best, this generational saga is a survivor's story. Tatiana and Alexander survived the Russian Revolution, the fall of France, and New York's factory of fame. Their daughter, Francine, survived them.
Tatiana became an icon of New York fashion, and the hats she designed for Saks Fifth Avenue were de rigueur for stylish women everywhere. Alexander Liberman, who devotedly raised Francine as his own child from the time she was nine, eventually came to preside over the entire Condé Nast empire. The glamorous life they shared was both creative and destructive and was marked by an exceptional bond forged out of their highly charged love and raging self-centeredness. Their obsessive adulation of success and elegance was elevated to a kind of worship, and the high drama that characterized their lives followed them to their deaths. Tatiana, increasingly consumed with nostalgia for a long-lost Russia, spent her last years addicted to painkillers. Shortly after her death, Alexander, then age eighty, shocked all who knew him by marrying her nurse.
Them: A Portrait of Parents is a beautifully written homage to the extraordinary lives of two fascinating, irrepressible people who were larger than life emblems of a bygone age. Written with honesty and grace by the person who knew them best, this generational saga is a survivor's story. Tatiana and Alexander survived the Russian Revolution, the fall of France, and New York's factory of fame. Their daughter, Francine, survived them.
529 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
63 people are currently reading
1062 people want to read
About the author
Francine du Plessix Gray
32 books55 followersFrancine du Plessix Gray, a Pulitzer Prize-nominated writer and literary critic, was born in Warsaw, Poland, where her father, Vicomte Bertrand Jochaud du Plessix, was a French diplomat - the commercial attaché. She spent her early years in Paris, where a milieu of mixed cultures and a multilingual family (French father and Russian émigré mother) influenced her.
Widowed when her father died in battle, in 1940 du Plessix Gray's mother escaped France to New York with Francine. In 1942, her mother married Alexander Liberman, another White émigré from Russia, whom she had known in Paris as a child. He was a noted artist and later longtime editorial director of Vogue Magazine and then of Condé Nast Publications. The Libermans were socially prominent in media, art, and fashion circles.
Francine du Plessix Gray then grew up in New York City, and was naturalized a U.S. citizen in 1952. She was a scholarship student at Spence School. She attended Bryn Mawr College for two years, and in 1952 received her B.A. in philosophy from Barnard College, NY.
In 1957 she married painter Cleve Gray (1918-2004) with whom she had two sons.
Du Plessix Gray had a long and varied career, in the 1950s as reporter for several French magazines; book editor for Art in America New York City; staff writer for The New Yorker; several professorships, including at Columbia University.
Her most well-known book is Them: A Memory of Parents (2005). Her novels included Lovers and Tyrants (1976).
Widowed when her father died in battle, in 1940 du Plessix Gray's mother escaped France to New York with Francine. In 1942, her mother married Alexander Liberman, another White émigré from Russia, whom she had known in Paris as a child. He was a noted artist and later longtime editorial director of Vogue Magazine and then of Condé Nast Publications. The Libermans were socially prominent in media, art, and fashion circles.
Francine du Plessix Gray then grew up in New York City, and was naturalized a U.S. citizen in 1952. She was a scholarship student at Spence School. She attended Bryn Mawr College for two years, and in 1952 received her B.A. in philosophy from Barnard College, NY.
In 1957 she married painter Cleve Gray (1918-2004) with whom she had two sons.
Du Plessix Gray had a long and varied career, in the 1950s as reporter for several French magazines; book editor for Art in America New York City; staff writer for The New Yorker; several professorships, including at Columbia University.
Her most well-known book is Them: A Memory of Parents (2005). Her novels included Lovers and Tyrants (1976).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
August 9, 2016
A disappointment in the same line as Bliss Broyard’s One Drop. The same sense of intimate access muddled by so-so writing, of strange people incompletely rendered. The book never quite rose above the level of those “Nostalgia” columns that run in US Vogue wherein the children of forgotten icons share bittersweet memories of their parents' lives off-stage. These brilliantly twisted people deserve a better biographer than their daughter. Worth skimming, though, if you’re obsessed, as I am, with stories of aristocratic Russian émigrés, traumatized but proud, making their way in the literary, artistic, and fashionable circles of the West, dazzling and scandalizing with their weird erotic verve, severe manners, hermetic emotional privacy, and strong, archly accented opinions.
December 27, 2021
Очень щемящая, грустная книга. Я где-то видела в критике, что Франсин мстит матри, как часто делают бесталанные дети великих родителей — но, во-первых, Франсин не бесталанная, а во-вторых, вся книга пропитана её любовью и к матери, и к отчиму, и к погибшему отцу. А что к любви примешивается горечь обид — ну, родители её были правда людьми не самыми простыми, и обид на них было много не только у дочери. Очень какая-то честная, что ли, книга.
December 8, 2020
Very interesting lives but sometimes told in excruciating detail.
June 28, 2012
A powerful book for me. Du Plessix Gray writes the book as a memoir of her parents - it is, of course, also a memoir about her own life. Her parents were Russian and French emigres who saw the revolution, and two great wars before coming to the United States. Many members of the family are in the almost famous category and from a time and place of which I know almost nothing. Hence, I was fascinated by the story of her uncle Sasha who drove a Citroen across Africa and her mother's first love Mayakosky, the poet of the Russian Revolution. Her father was a minor diplomat and a WW II French patriot who died early in the resistance. Her mother and step father were part of the NY socialite scene and the world of haute couture - Tatiana was a hat designer for Saks, Alex was the art editor for Vogue - and seem to be some of the most superficial, ambition driven people imaginable. Du Plessix Gray provides the right mix of insight and background, poignancy and bitterness.
Every so often there was a paragraph that left me staring at the trees for several minutes before I come back to reality. The one that really got me was about daughters and mothers - discovering her mother's great tragedy forcing her to deal with tragedies in her own life. Did my mother have tragic secrets? I know of none - she was more secretive than most people about anything "unpleasant," but doesn't everyone have tragedy of some sort? Of course, tragedy is different for different people and perhaps I could not recognize her tragedies as such. I had a few glimpses into her other life when she was senile and had lost her ability to filter her conversation, but now I think about what she and I might have had in common – a still born child? A failed romance? I will never know for sure – she died in 1989.
Every so often there was a paragraph that left me staring at the trees for several minutes before I come back to reality. The one that really got me was about daughters and mothers - discovering her mother's great tragedy forcing her to deal with tragedies in her own life. Did my mother have tragic secrets? I know of none - she was more secretive than most people about anything "unpleasant," but doesn't everyone have tragedy of some sort? Of course, tragedy is different for different people and perhaps I could not recognize her tragedies as such. I had a few glimpses into her other life when she was senile and had lost her ability to filter her conversation, but now I think about what she and I might have had in common – a still born child? A failed romance? I will never know for sure – she died in 1989.
March 30, 2019
Decae mucho en la segunda mitad, con la llegada a Nueva York y el ascenso social de unos Liberman cada vez más mezquinos y odiosos.
October 14, 2021
I loved this book so very much. I found it to be a fascinating portrayal of difficult (and sometimes terrible) but mesmerizing parents, and it informs the way I write about people in my own life, now.
March 29, 2019
When you read a biography you want to know the most you can from the subjects, their friends, their culture. In this case the friends are mostly famous people, the setting is the Russian revolution, the exile in Paris which comes to an an end with the German invasion and then New York and the fashion and artistic world. Coming from a family that left Russia and France about the same time as they did and mostly went to the United States, also dealt with lumber in Russia and also with the fashion world, this book gives me a different feeling . Considering that the main male character has exactly my name and surname I thought I could identify with him, but that was definitely not the case . But as for the writer, Francine, so capable of expressing her feelings, she wrote a great book, she told everything you want from a biography and more.
April 8, 2020
Es una lástima lo condenada e innecesariamente largo que es. Las últimas 150 páginas se me hicieron pesadísimas y hay una infinidad de datos y hechos que se repiten. Igual que los personajes que retrata, el último tramo pierde el lustro que tiene el resto de la historia. El brillo vuelve con el Epílogo, en el que Francine despliega una emoción que yo no había notado en el resto del libro, y te deja con el corazón un poco encogido y reconciliada con él. Por lo demás, es una estupenda clase de Historia de la Europa de entreguerras y post Segunda Guerra Mundial con un name dropping insuperable. Lo que más me ha gustado es lo increíblemente subjetiva e incoherente que es Francine con sus sentimientos hacia sus padres. No oculta su adoración y admiración pero tampoco esconde lo horrorosamente egoístas y negligentes que fueron con ella toda su vida.
June 15, 2021
Have been looking for books in English about Russian aristocratic families before during and, especially, after the Revolution. Where are they today? What were they told growing up? A friend recommended du Plexis Gray’s bio/memoir about her life and her 3 parents (2 well-off Russians and an aristo French dad). Close enough! Du Plexis’ mother is aa most beguiling character though narcissistic by necessity. Du Plexis parents are quite adept at charming, collecting, using and discarding people as they climb New York’s belle monde during and after WWII. Everything had to be the best, and often it was. Rich friends stepped in from time to time to support their extravagance. To make it through the Revolution, it seems du Plexis’ mother became very hard. She made it.
May 3, 2012
In this honest yet loving remembrance of her Russian parents, Francine du Plessix Gray, introduces us to her glamorous, hardworking, imperious mother, Tatiana du Plessix; an exiled White Russian hat designer known as "Tatiana of Saks" and the charming, ambitious, Machiavellian, Alexander Liberman; her Jewish Gypsy step-father, longtime Editorial Director for Conde Nast and a well known artist and sculptor.
The story of her parents lives is fascinating; their youths in Russia, their ex-pat years in France and the family's escape to America during the Nazi occupation. The relocation to the U.S. was followed by their rapid climb up the social ladder of New York's fashionable elite and accomplished while carving out high powered careers in their respective fields. As parents they are often caring but also distracted and selfish and their daughter approaches both their abilities and failings as people in an even-handed and judicious manner which is sometimes lacking in memoirs.
Along the way there are many interesting, talented and often famous family members and friends who enrich the narrative and provide context but the constant repetition of how beautiful, sophisticated, brilliant and famous everyone is can be a bit grating and one-note. The author also repeats herself on numerous occasions: e.g. opera singer, Grand-Aunt Sandra's pink Toreador toothpaste, which she used to whiten her teeth - why is this mentioned more than once?
In my opinion the book was perhaps overpraised as literature and the narrative frequently felt as self absorbed as the author believed her parents to be but it was nonetheless entertaining and insightful. I must admit I found it compulsively readable.
The story of her parents lives is fascinating; their youths in Russia, their ex-pat years in France and the family's escape to America during the Nazi occupation. The relocation to the U.S. was followed by their rapid climb up the social ladder of New York's fashionable elite and accomplished while carving out high powered careers in their respective fields. As parents they are often caring but also distracted and selfish and their daughter approaches both their abilities and failings as people in an even-handed and judicious manner which is sometimes lacking in memoirs.
Along the way there are many interesting, talented and often famous family members and friends who enrich the narrative and provide context but the constant repetition of how beautiful, sophisticated, brilliant and famous everyone is can be a bit grating and one-note. The author also repeats herself on numerous occasions: e.g. opera singer, Grand-Aunt Sandra's pink Toreador toothpaste, which she used to whiten her teeth - why is this mentioned more than once?
In my opinion the book was perhaps overpraised as literature and the narrative frequently felt as self absorbed as the author believed her parents to be but it was nonetheless entertaining and insightful. I must admit I found it compulsively readable.
February 25, 2011
i really wanted to like this--it seemed like just the kind of book i would love to imagine myself into, what with your mysterious foreigners from the past who hobnob and inspire and trendset. but i just couldn't get past the glut of superlatives without choking on a few too many of them. apparently, everyone in the author's family for generations back is the best at everything and they are all blindingly gorgeous and they all speak six languages and are experts and trendsetters and intriguing and secretly troubled and overcoming more adversity than you can even imagine...and this is all prefaced in the introduction by the casual mention that she had been brought up by a mother who was a chronic exaggerator. so.
true, it is not every day you get to read the tale of one of mayakovsky's star-crossed muses, who eventually hooks up with the future architect of the conde nast empire. and yes, they are some good looking people and yes, they live in new york in the 50's and are very glamorous. but it was all just a bit too overblown.
true, it is not every day you get to read the tale of one of mayakovsky's star-crossed muses, who eventually hooks up with the future architect of the conde nast empire. and yes, they are some good looking people and yes, they live in new york in the 50's and are very glamorous. but it was all just a bit too overblown.
November 12, 2011
Them is unlike any memoir I’ve ever read before. Part memoir, part biography, part research book, Gray transcends far beyond her own story to tell the rich tapestry of her family’s story. This endeavor can go awry in so many ways—you can’t write someone else’s memoir for them, and biography can often be dry. These pitfalls are avoided by subtle, yet important, inclusion of the narrator-character and writer into the story. Gray will comment about the source of the emotion or conversation she’s re-creating, one that she wasn’t alive to possibly hear. She’ll cite letters, the friend or relative she’s spoken to (along with a quick disclosure on their temperament toward the subject), or occasionally she’ll digress to tell us that she is conjecturing. This transparency builds trust with the reader, and allows us to cross those barriers of credentials to become immersed in these people’s lives. Her technique is fascinating, and one I’ve rarely seen before, at least successfully. Them is an incredible example of how memoir writing can move beyond one’s self.
February 26, 2019
In an interview Plessix Gray says of writing:
“The text in progress is like a fire in the room; an animal, it speaks, hollers, barks, growls back at me, like a magical dog guarding my body from evils, guarding me against the threat of void, of extinction.”
https://www.theparisreview.org/interv...
“The text in progress is like a fire in the room; an animal, it speaks, hollers, barks, growls back at me, like a magical dog guarding my body from evils, guarding me against the threat of void, of extinction.”
https://www.theparisreview.org/interv...
July 18, 2019
So, so good. The memoir follows the life of Tatiana Iakovleva through the eyes of her daughter, from Soviet Union to United States. I picked up this book because I was interested in the Silver Century of Soviet history, when free love, art and poetry, progressive ideals drove talented people to create some of the most influential art movements and literature in Soviet history. Although this historical period was a small part of the book, my expectations were not let down by the rest of it. The timeline followed Them to major historical points in the art world, simultaneously uncovering the deep, psychological aspects of their life, which is always something I love to compare, i.e. history vs. individual experience.
Some people mention that this book jumps from one place to another, creating a truncated feeling of events. In my view, it didn't take away from the story but added to it. It was as if I was listening to my grandmother describe her life - unedited, authentic, heartwarming/-wrenching. You also tend to branch out into other topics as you read this memoir because of the wealth of references, stories, personas...
I highly recommend this book for history buffs, fashion lovers, art scene enthusiasts, socialite fiends, drama addicts, psychology amateurs...
Some people mention that this book jumps from one place to another, creating a truncated feeling of events. In my view, it didn't take away from the story but added to it. It was as if I was listening to my grandmother describe her life - unedited, authentic, heartwarming/-wrenching. You also tend to branch out into other topics as you read this memoir because of the wealth of references, stories, personas...
I highly recommend this book for history buffs, fashion lovers, art scene enthusiasts, socialite fiends, drama addicts, psychology amateurs...
June 9, 2019
Un apasionante retrato de una familia de supervivientes de la revolución rusa, de la invasión nazi de Francia y del mundo de la moda en Estados Unidos. Es a la vez una historia del siglo XX.
En estas memorias que se leen con gran interés, Francine du Plessix hace un retrato nada complaciente de sus padres, los Liberman, que sobrevivieron a todos los grandes acontecimientos del siglo y reinaron en el mundo de la moda neoyorquino. Un retrato nada complaciente pero que a la vez demuestra un profundo amor de hija.
Por la novela van apareciendo, como en un constante cameo, casi todos los ilustres personajes del arte y de la moda europeos y americanos que tuvieron relación con "ellos", la madre y el padrastro de la autora, Natalia Javkolev du Plessix y Alex Liberman.
En estas memorias que se leen con gran interés, Francine du Plessix hace un retrato nada complaciente de sus padres, los Liberman, que sobrevivieron a todos los grandes acontecimientos del siglo y reinaron en el mundo de la moda neoyorquino. Un retrato nada complaciente pero que a la vez demuestra un profundo amor de hija.
Por la novela van apareciendo, como en un constante cameo, casi todos los ilustres personajes del arte y de la moda europeos y americanos que tuvieron relación con "ellos", la madre y el padrastro de la autora, Natalia Javkolev du Plessix y Alex Liberman.
August 29, 2025
This is a book to be savored. The cultural and historical elements add to the depth admid family dynamics altered forever by war, addiction, timing and love.
'Them' really came alive for me when the author entered the story as a young girl. I skimmed over all the crazy Russian/American names. At times, it was a bit much, although I understand the authors need to illustrate the snobbishness of her ever-so-grand mother & stepfather.
Du Plessix is unsentim ental in her writing, but is also rich with emotion as events unfold. I found it funny, sad, delightful and poignant - cheering her on all the way through. Complex, nuanced and raw - I loved it.
'Them' really came alive for me when the author entered the story as a young girl. I skimmed over all the crazy Russian/American names. At times, it was a bit much, although I understand the authors need to illustrate the snobbishness of her ever-so-grand mother & stepfather.
Du Plessix is unsentim ental in her writing, but is also rich with emotion as events unfold. I found it funny, sad, delightful and poignant - cheering her on all the way through. Complex, nuanced and raw - I loved it.
March 14, 2020
Es lo que tiene la reclusión en casa por el coronavirus. "Ellos" es el apasionante relato de una generación que sobrevivió a la Revolución Rusa, a la caída de Francia a manos de los nazis y al implacable mundo de la moda en el Nueva York de la posguerra.
Historia real de unos padres muy singulares, una diseñadora de sombreros y un director de revistas de moda, tan exitosos como insufribles, egocéntricos y soberbios, así como la historia de su hija, la narradora de esta historia tan interesante.
Historia real de unos padres muy singulares, una diseñadora de sombreros y un director de revistas de moda, tan exitosos como insufribles, egocéntricos y soberbios, así como la historia de su hija, la narradora de esta historia tan interesante.
August 18, 2024
Though I did not learn anything about fashion, I did get more enmeshed in soaking in information and impressions about immigrants/emigrants. The horror of being forced out of one's home, job, one's LIFE, I began to get a glimpse of what people have gone through for hundreds of years. In our own century we have numerous peoples who have been displaced and suffered for it in a multitude of ways.
The characters are compelling as well and the author tells her story well.
The characters are compelling as well and the author tells her story well.
June 13, 2020
Me ha gustado bastante. Un libro que compré al devolver otro, recomendado por la librera. Una autobiografía en la que la historia se desarrolla a lo largo de muchos años y varios países. Me ha hecho pensar sobre la falta de odio o recor, sobre el pudor al contar la vida familiar. Aunque largo me ha engañado y ha sido fácil de leer.
March 16, 2019
The Russian Revolution, the World War II German invasion of France, glamorous New York in the fifties. This family of larger than life characters lived through a lot. The author's first-hand account enhances her research into her family's history and roots. I found it fascinating.
August 21, 2025
Fascinante la historia de los Du plessix y Liberman. Contiene todas las cosas que me gustan, revolución rusa, Segunda guerra mundial y el Nueva York del siglo XX. He disfrutado muchísimo cada página, no sobra absolutamente nada. Muy muy recomendable
April 30, 2018
She doesn’t like gypsies who are all ‘devious’.
Alex as artist - chap 19 - interesting.
Also the experience of Russian emigres in twentieth century and development of conde Nast publishing empire.
Alex as artist - chap 19 - interesting.
Also the experience of Russian emigres in twentieth century and development of conde Nast publishing empire.
January 16, 2019
An expertly researched, beautifully written account of the author’s titanic power-couple parents.
March 4, 2019
Una presentación de personaje sublime para acabar unas memorias con demasiados asuntos del pasado sin resolver. Recomiendo la primera mitad.
March 14, 2019
Great memoir that shows what impact history (Russian Revolution) has on a family. The departure to NY had a very positive effect on family history.
April 8, 2020
Era todo lo que esperaba y aún mejor. Me ha encantado.
September 19, 2022
He tardado meses en terminarlo. Al principio me resultó un poco lento, un poco tedioso a ratos. Pero las últimas 200 páginas y el epílogo me han compensado el tiempo invertido.
April 29, 2025
Fascinante.
January 16, 2022
Después de mucho tiempo apartándolo de mis lecturas al final me he decidido a terminarlo. Es una pseudo biografía pero para mi no me ha dado nada interesante tan solo los primeros capítulos el resto se me ha hecho pesado de leer y repetitivo.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews