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Unexpected Abundance: The Fruitful Lives of Women without Children

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Meet 25 women who generated life without giving birth. 
 
In many Christian communities today, women are expected to have children—to “be fruitful and multiply.” To be childless is to be less of a woman, less of a Christian, or so it can feel. Elizabeth Felicetti is deeply familiar with this pressure as an Episcopal priest who never had the children she imagined would be part of her life. But in the landscape of her childhood in Arizona Felicetti found fresh eyes. If she’s “barren,” so is the desert—and if you look closely, the desert teems with unexpected life. This is also true of women throughout history. Biblical women like Mary Magdalene, medieval mystics like Julian of Norwich, and modern activists like Rosa Parks did not have children, yet their lives bore fruit in their communities and in the church at large.  
 
In reflecting on her own experience alongside those of these remarkable women, Felicetti deepens our understanding of the many ways to be fruitful. Women without children—by choice or chance—who have felt frustrated or voiceless in the church will find solidarity and inspiration in the pages of   Unexpected Abundance.

176 pages, Paperback

Published August 22, 2023

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About the author

Elizabeth Felicetti

3 books13 followers
The Rev. Elizabeth Felicetti is an Episcopal priest and the rector of St. David’s Episcopal Church in Richmond, Virginia. Her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Christian Century, and numerous other publications and has twice been nominated for a Pushcart. Her book UNEXPECTED ABUNDANCE: THE FRUITFUL LIVES OF WOMEN WITHOUT CHILDREN is forthcoming from Eerdmans in August 2023, and IRREVERENT PRAYERS: ON TALKING TO GOD WHEN YOU'RE SERIOUSLY SICK with fellow Episcopal priest The Rev. Samantha Vincent-Alexander will be published in 2024.

Felicetti earned a Master of Fine Arts in Writing from Spalding University in Louisville, Kentucky where she studied creative nonfiction and poetry, completed a book-length memoir, lectured on epilogues, and wrote a critical essay examining culturally different depictions of death and mourning in eight memoirs. She also holds a Master of Divinity from Virginia Theological Seminary (graduating cum laude with honors thesis), where she loved studying Old Testament and Biblical Hebrew and spent part of one summer in Sudan teaching Biblical Hebrew to Sudanese Episcopal priests.

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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
Profile Image for Martish.
639 reviews2 followers
August 4, 2023
Loved this book for several reasons. To start it is really more of a memoir, one of my favorite categories of reading these days. Secondly it opened my eyes to how much childless women feel “othered”. Guessing much of that othering comes as much or more from other women than men. As a mother, I’ve experienced firsthand the Mommy wars between working Moms vs. stay at home Moms so wish women didn’t do this to each other. I also enjoyed learning about the abundant role models that inspired the author. My favorite (outside of Dolly as I am a raving fan girl) was probably Helen Prejean as my own position on the death penalty and the incarcerated has evolved. A great read!
1 review
August 5, 2023
Elizabeth Feliccetti captures you from the first page by weaving her story with other fruitful women past and present. A book that has been much needed for a topic that has been silenced for too long.
37 reviews1 follower
January 1, 2024
The memoir portions were my favorites, especially the detail surrounding life in the desert. Finding the word Badonkadonk in my pastor's book did provide a fun surprise, not unlike coming across a rattlesnake.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Fran.
53 reviews1 follower
September 1, 2023
Like the author I am childless. But unlike her, I am childless by choice. I share many of her experiences of how childlessness is perceived in the wider world. And I have delighted in her stories of childless women who have lived fruitful lives. The book is a joy to read and I highly recommend it.
Profile Image for Robert D. Cornwall.
Author 35 books124 followers
November 1, 2023
Reading through the Bible, we will come across stories of "barren" women, that is women unable to produce children. In the ancient world, it was important for women to bear children. That was their duty in life. So we read about Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah, and others who could not conceive. Often, these women turned to surrogacy as an alternative (see Grace Kao's My Body, Their Baby: A Progressive Christian Vision for Surrogacy for a discussion of surrogacy). The question is, must a woman have a baby to be fulfilled in life? Might one have an abundant life of service made possible by not having children? It's a question that requires careful exploration.

Elizabeth Felicetti is an Episcopal priest, who though tried for a decade to conceive, did not have a child. What she offers here is an invitation to look at the many women in Scripture and through history who lived abundant lives and made great contributions to the work of God in the world. In this book, Felicetti essentially seeks to reclaim the word "barren," thinking in terms of the desert that seems lifeless and yet is full of life. So, this is a book written by a woman without children, who sought them, but in the end, chose not to go to extraordinary lengths to conceive. In this book she offers women without children (and really men as well) a word of encouragement, letting them know whether it's by choice or not, that one can experience extraordinary abundance without producing children.

In the course of Felicetti's book, "Extraordinary Abundance," we encounter the stories of biblical women such as Hannah and Rachel, but also women like Mary and Martha, who as far as Scripture reveals never had children. We also encounter stories of medieval mystics, English religious reformers, composers, activists, medical professionals, and clergy. All are women who never had children and yet made extraordinary contributions.

After meditating on the fruitfulness of the desert in chapter 1, in Chapter 2 we turn to the Old Testament matriarchs. This time we don't have Sarah and Rachel in mind. Rather Felicetti introduces us to Moses' sister Miriam, a prophet and worship leader, and Deborah, a judge and warrior, a leader of the people of Israel in time of war. There's also Esther, who risked her life for people, and Huldah the prophet who interpreted Scripture for Josiah, yes she was the one Josiah turned to after the high priest discovered what many believe to be Deuteronomy. Felicetti writes that "these childless women were warriors and prophets, saviors and poets, matriarchs and liturgists. Yet women in church pews have heard and continue to hear more about biblical women as mothers or women yearning to be mothers. Women can be all of these things" (p. 33). Though these women discussed were without children, they too are matriarchs of the faith.

From the Old to the New, we go in chapter 3. She starts by reminding us that Jesus didn't have children and that Jesus in Luke tells the woman who shouted blessed is the womb that bore Jesus, that blessed are those who hear the Word of God and obey it. She emphasizes chosen families over biological ones. She begins with Mary and Martha, whom she speaks of as wise leaders and prophets. There is also the Samaritan woman at the well who is an evangelist, suggesting that this woman might have been caught in a series of levirate marriages. Finally, there is Mary Magdalene, an evangelist and apostle. Again, we see women who were generate in life without bearing children.

From the Bible we move through history, focusing on specific women and their vocations. We start in chapter 4 with medieval mystics and writers that include Clare of Assisi, Julian of Norwich, and Catherine of Siena. From there we move in Chapter 5 to two English religious reformers, Queen Elizabeth I and Lady Jane Grey, both of whom played roles within the English Reformation. It's worth remembering here that Felicetti is an Episcopal priest. Then moving to Chapter 6 we encounter two composers, Dolly Parton (yes Dolly Parton, the mother to 3000 songs) and Hildegard of Bingen. Her discussion of Dolly will be of interest to many. Felicetti writes that "both powerful women had to contend with sexism yet created significant fruit despite not having children" (p. 82). Next, she introduces us to three activists, Sister Helen Prejean, the advocate against the death penalty known from the depiction of her in "Dead Men Walking," Rosa Parks, and Dorothea Dix. Parks is, of course, a civil rights icon, and Dix was an activist focusing on addressing the issue of America's mental institutions. When we get to chapter 8, we encounter Childless medical professionals, including the Blackwell sisters who were among the first women to earn medical degrees and become physicians. Of course, there is Florence Nightingale. These women were pioneers in health care and made a difference without having children. Finally, in chapter nine, we come to childless clergy. Being Episcopalian she focuses on three women, Florence Li Tim-Oi, who was the first Anglican woman ordained, largely because there was a shortage of priests in China during World War II. Though considered irregular, she is honored as the first. The second woman is Pauli Murray, an African-American woman, who began her work as an activist before becoming one of the first women ordained as an Episcopal priest. Then there is Barbara Harris, who was the first woman ordained as a bishop within the Episcopal church. Again, all three were childless and yet served their church fully. In the final chapter (10), Felicetti takes us back to the desert, reminding us again of the fruitfulness of what might appear to be barren.

The point here is not that being childless is better or more fruitful. Rather it is a reminder that whether we have children or not we can lead abundant and fruitful lives. So whatever vocation comes our way, we can live fully. Here in Extraordinary Abundance, the Rev. Elizabeth Felicetti invites us to embrace our situation in life and live fully.
Profile Image for Patricia.
2 reviews2 followers
August 11, 2023
Women who are childless are often referred to as “barren,” a word that’s also used to describe a desert setting. Felicetti, who grew up in Arizona, says wryly: “I suspect that people who consider deserts lifeless have never spent time in one.” She adds: “Over the years books about women’s fertility struggles have resonated with me, but such books tend to end with a child, whether through a successful fertility treatment or through adoption. I needed a book with a happy ending that wasn’t a baby.” Unable to find such a book, she set out to write one.

Felicetti’s search for examples of fulfilled, childless women begins in the Old Testament and moves forward through time, ending with a chapter on contemporary female clergy. “I wish someone had told me when I was unable to have children, ‘You can build a beautiful, faithful life without children. Look at these Christian women who have done it.’”

Unexpected Abundance is the candid, compassionate book that will fulfill that need for countless women.
6 reviews1 follower
August 21, 2023
Elizabeth Felicetti wanted to write a book about "the fruitful lives of women without children," as the subtitle of her book says. Her agent wanted that book, too. But life has this funny way of intervening in the best laid plans, and so THIS book, Unexpected Abundance: The Fruitful Lives of Women without Children, is not just about women who remained childless throughout their lives, it is also about Elizabeth and her very specific life that became fruitful in ways she never imagined.
So this book is part memoir, part biblical interpretation, part history. It is a very readable book because of the braid those pieces form.

Elizabeth Felicetti is an Episcopal priest, currently serving as rector of St. David's in Richmond Virginia. She's been a writer for a long time, and I found her through her Substack newsletter, Desert Owl Among the Ruins. Because of that longtime connection, I most enjoyed the memoir portions of Unexpected Abundance. I liked the way her stories wove in and out of the other women's stories, even when I didn't see any connection in the beginning. By the end of the book, everything hangs together in a unified whole.

Her book opens with a Preface that everyone should read first. She quotes Pope Francis, and opens the discussion of how a woman’s life without children (biological or otherwise) can bear much fruit. Elizabeth also owns that she writes from her own particular perspectives, which do not—cannot—include those of differing genders or sexual identities. Owning this outlook shapes our expectations for reading. The first sentence I underlined is from the Preface, when she remembers telling her husband that if she were to die unexpectedly, she would not regret not having children but she would regret not writing a book. This tells us much about her framing of the subject. And it is fun to see how she remains irritated with Pope Francis’ quote!

Then Elizabeth dives right into the discussion of what we in the west call those of us who never had children; she refers to herself as barren. That word shocks and dismays many, but she begins to explore how to change the common understanding of that away from empty or lacking life. A child of the Arizona desert, she says right upfront on page 1, “If a desert is barren, I want to be barren too.” Her seminary training gives her the word “generative” as one way to seek redemption for things that appear barren. It is a good word that gets used a lot in the book. Being generative is being fruitful, and thus fulfilling the commandment to be fruitful and multiply.

Felicetti moves easily among her story, Bible stories, and the women throughout history. She chooses themes to group the women she describes; chapters show they are “Barren” or “Childless” (with the exception of English Religious Reformers).

I have a special interest in the Barren Biblical characters—and while I do not hold exactly the same interpretations as she does, I am also an Old Testament geek and commend her highlighting stories of strong, bold women who figure prominently in the Israelite story. I even agree with most of her thoughts about how these stories COULD play in teaching The Bible to people versus how they DO play in those scenarios when they rarely are read, spoken of, or referred to from other stories. And YES, I do believe we should be encouraging every little girl and boy to know who these dynamic women are in the story of God’s love for humankind.

Elizabeth Felicetti’s book is a very easy read and it is filled with lots of tidbits I had not focused on in my learnings about Christian women throughout history. We would all do better in understanding our shared concerns, joys, and struggles if we knew more about these particular women who changed the way we think about those who can be deemed infertile.
If I have a quibble with the book, it’s that the author keeps a tight focus on the “see what this woman accomplished, and could she have done it if she had been a mother?” I recognize this IS the book’s purpose, and still, I would have enjoyed learning the author’s thoughts on more about childlessness in the world of faith (there are hints throughout!). For example, the differences between barrenness and infertile—and how those can lead to multiple understandings in what God is doing in our lives, regardless of our gender or abilities to bear or mother children. This is likely my own wondering coming forward. It’s a wonderful question to be left with at the end of this book.
10 reviews2 followers
August 15, 2023
As someone who has struggled with secondary infertility and has family members of faith who have chosen to remain child-free, I resonated with the author's personal story and appreciated the opportunity to read this engaging and informative book written from a Christian perspective.

The author's experience as an Episcopal priest who struggled with infertility gives her a personal lens to confront the traditional view that women should "be fruitful and multiply" as their highest calling.

The book's opening and closing chapters, "The Desert" and "Back to the Desert" frame her journey through the image of the Arizona desert where she grew up, often depicted as "barren." But those who have experienced it know the desert is teeming with abundance (I'm particularly taken with the cover photo for this book for this reason). The intervening chapters give sketches of twenty-five women both from the Bible and throughout history whose child-free status did not hinder —and sometimes enabled — their many contributions.
1 review
August 25, 2023
My favorite part of this book was how Elizabeth Felicetti shares her own story so sincerely and candidly. I never felt like she was selling an idea, she simply holds up her own life and the lives of 25 incredible women for the reader to engage with, learn from, and be inspired by. It was a comfortable read for me, but still had me shifting my perspective and asking questions I’d never thought to ask (why DON’T we learn about Deborah in Sunday School?). I very much enjoyed it!

Also, the musicians she chose to feature in the Childless Christian Composers chapter made my nerdy Music Ministry major heart so ridiculously happy!
Profile Image for Dana.
Author 2 books76 followers
July 15, 2023
Beginning with a beautiful and thoughtful window in her own life, Felicetti introduces us to a lovely host of women who didn't have children, but still left a lasting and important legacy. Felicetti's writing walks a delicate line of celebrating without idealizing and her vulnerability and wit colors each page. This book is one for all readers, (not just women and not just women without children) and will both entertain readers and expand their perspectives.
Profile Image for Robin Ayres.
11 reviews2 followers
August 12, 2023
Just like the author this book is thoughtful and well researched. I think this book would be a great gift for anyone who is interested in religion, scholar or not. Also a good read for someone who is struggling with fertility — and there are plenty of strong women for someone looking to name a girl.
Profile Image for Debra Merillat.
470 reviews2 followers
September 3, 2023
Women have always been expected to have children. This book emphasizes that there are many ways to be fruitful besides childbearing. A Christian look at many very successful women and their many blessings and contributions to being fulfilled without children. My priest wrote this and I am so proud and happy for her. It is kind of a memoir also.
Profile Image for Kelly Pramberger.
Author 12 books56 followers
December 31, 2023
I enjoyed this collection of stories that Elizabeth put together. The concept of the book was something we needed in the literary space. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. I think it will resonate with women that are searching for resources on living a child-free life or exploring what that may look like. Elizabeth includes a lot of examples from women in history.
4 reviews
August 22, 2023
Elizabeth Felicetti is a gracious and often funny writer. Her book provides necessary assistance for all of us to embrace and share our gifts, and to welcome the ways that women who are not mothers can be fruitful in the world in a way that is particular to us.
Profile Image for Allison.
7 reviews6 followers
October 21, 2023
I so enjoyed this book. Elizabeth Felicetti writes with both wisdom and wit, which leads the reading experience to be one of both learning and joy. She introduced me to women of faith and expanded on what I knew of the more familiar names.
24 reviews
September 7, 2023
Elizabeth Felicetti puts an eloquent voice to a topic that is infrequently addressed.
331 reviews
December 31, 2024
This was an encouraging book, and affirming of the decisions of people who choose not to have children or give birth. There need to be more books like this one.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews

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