Warning: more personal essay than review.
The Cloister Walk as My Guide: Skidding between Catholics and Catholicism
(I use the capital G when I’m writing about Norris’s ideas, and the small g when I’m communicating my ideas about god. For Norris god is spelt with a capital G.)
Not for myself, but for others, I understand the purposes of prayer in praise of god, and ritual prayer, like saying the rosary. But I don’t understand praying for life events to turn out well. For I don’t believe prayer in any way will determine outcomes.
I’ve had a long and combative relationship with Catholicism. Reading The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris, published in 1996, brought back rich and dynamic memories.
Kathleen Norris’s husband said, “I-survived-Catholic-school-and-won’t-go-near-a-Mass-ever-again.”
I’ve said something similar, “Having gone to Catholic grade school and high school, I attended enough masses for a lifetime; I’ve done my time.”
In my case, however, once I had my first child and then “felt I should” have him baptized, I experimented with the idea of practicing Catholicism for about five years – the time it took for me to have and baptize two more children and be enraged by what my first born was learning in Sunday school – before giving up on the church once again. I “felt I should;” I never decided to have my children baptized for sound reasons; the superstition reinforced by my family that a child who died without being baptized would stay in purgatory and never get into heaven was the reason. I don’t believe superstitions and I don’t believe in the concept of heaven as a place you go to after you die, but I still acted as if I did, out of family pressures, tradition, ignorance and guilt.
Years later, when my children were teenagers, I accepted a job teaching art at a Catholic school. Being familiar with and thinking I knew in part what to expect in such a setting, I was the one who focused my job search on Catholic schools for a teaching position.
I soon learned: Compared to the religious education provided at the Catholic high school I attended in the late 60s and early 70s, in a small Iowa town, religious education in the large urban Catholic school, in Minnesota, was more inclusive and more about theology. In my hometown the school was run by Diocesan priests and The Sisters of Notre Dame, along with a few lay teachers. In the large urban school: out of over one hundred faculty there was one Sister of Notre Dame, one Benedictine nun and an affiliated priest. The Notre Dame sister at the urban school happened to have been my teacher in Iowa, when I was in Junior High; she retired from teaching two years after I joined the urban Catholic school, leaving just the one Benedictine nun and the affiliated priest to model The Sacrament of Holy Orders.
The two similarities relevant for this discussion, between the rural and urban schools, are that teachers and students are required to attend mass. I listened to students at the urban school make some of the same observations I made when I was in high school, about how some teachers serve up great glops of Catholicism, when students only have room for a tablespoon or two.
My parents were just as culpable. Forcing religious practice down someone’s throat, “because I said so,” when she is not ready to receive it, is down right destructive. As a consequence, not only did I acquire a distrust of religion, but I also, inadvertently, passed that mistrust onto my children.
The Cloister Walk is a vehicle for understanding spirituality today. It was an engaging read for me, especially when Norris’s views about religion and god and what he or she is responsible for, differed from my own. While The Cloister Walk goaded me toward renewed conviction in some beliefs, it also caused me to examine others. Of additional interest were Norris’s observations on human behavior, ideas inspired by monastic writers going back centuries, that are still relevant today and are perhaps the basis for much of modern psychology, along with her personal story and her often captivating revelations about saints and monastic life, which she attempted not to romanticize.
These lines and content from the book are especially instructive in late 2016, after the recent presidential election:
“The person with a gift for passionate intensity squanders it in angry tirades and, given power, becomes a demagogue.” (p. 127)
Paraphrased from a chapter on virgin martyrs: Women who speak out anger male rulers. The more women talk back, the more they mock those in power – “the more frenzied is the male response, and the more the violence escalates.” (p. 194)
Norris makes many observations about her relationships with various priest, monks, and holy order sisters. Some of her comments caused me to wonder: Do women prefer their enemies to be other women? Are women more intimidated by male anger than female anger? Do women more readily concede part of themselves and some of their rights to appear more favorable to men?
For the last question, in regards to the work place, I need less proof for an answer. I’ve observed women and men in the work place for over forty years, long enough to recognize the “cheerleader complex” in women who flirt and fawn over men, as though they are gods, or at least minor deities. Women who consistently find men’s words more valid.
Males inhabit the Catholic Church’s hierarchy and the church sanctions and promotes male superiority. In the Bible women are born from Adam’s rib, after all, and are responsible for the downfall of Eden. So it is less surprising that the “cheerleader complex” is common among hyper religious women – in rare cases hyper religious men, as well. At the sight of a priest’s collar, some women have a Pavlovian response they can’t overcome.
The various reactions from priests to this phenomenon are worth observing: Look for a priest with a throng of women surrounding him and you will see that some priests lean in to the group of women, flattered by the attention. While other priest in the same situation, signal their wariness by stepping or leaning back, to give the women who have invaded their personal space more room. While still others become curt and escape the attention as gracefully and quickly as they can. It’s much, much more rare to see women or men react this way with holy order sisters. In the church hierarchy sisters are ruled by priests and their input is less valued.
Out of high school I went to a nursing school run by Catholic nuns at a Catholic hospital. I worked as a nurse for many years before I went back to school to pursue art and teaching. During my years as a nurse, we had a mean phrase, one I am now embarrassed to admit, for women who intimidated and bullied other women, or made work unjustifiably more challenging – we said they suffered from “congested pelvis syndrome.” And were in need of a “readjustment.” Some of the women who suffered from “congested pelvis syndrome” also showed signs of the “cheerleader complex.” I can only guess at their reasons for acting as though they despise other women – is it from self-hate, or insecurity, or their interpretation of how to act in positions of power, or what? It’s puzzling. Unfortunately, I observed the same “male adoring/female demeaning” behavior from some women at the Catholic school where I taught several times in my over twenty years at the institution.
I am not saying Catholicism is solely responsible for these behaviors in women. I think they are found in many religions and throughout cultures. I just happened to be working in Catholic affiliated institutions, when I encountered them.
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Many of the chapters in The Cloister Walk are about the lives of particular saints and what we want when we pray for their help. In Norris’s writing about the virgin martyr saints, she questions why myths about virgin martyrs evolved in the first place? And why the clergy and some historians have since suppressed their stories?
Of the virgin martyrs, Norris says the most about Maria Goretti, Saint Goretti. For Norris and myself, Goretti’s story stands out among the virgin martyrs. But not as a unique example of how the church’s patriarchy operates. Goretti’s story, as church propaganda, is just one example of why I’m a “fallen or falling away,” Catholic. At the age of twelve, in 1902, Maria Goretti was stabbed to death resisting rape. In 1950, for political reasons, to keep women in their place in the wake of post-war modernism, the church expanded its qualifications for sainthood, from serving God and faith to include dying for your virginity. At a time when attitudes toward marriage and sex were changing, Goretti, second only to the Blessed Virgin, was the model for how women should behave.
“The purposes to which the Catholic church wished to put Goretti are made abundantly clear in the address given by Pius XII at her beatification in1947, when he criticized the press, the fashion and entertainment business, and the military (which had begun to conscript women) . . .” (p. 226.)
A priest “called Goretti ‘a saint of the Christian home’ who stood for divinely ordained family values and against ‘parental absenteeism and juvenile delinquency.’ He blasted Hollywood movies, and the popular press in general, for ‘lurid descriptions of sex crimes and of the lives of notorious murderers,’ and even took a stab at comic books, which he termed ‘the marijuana of the nursery.” (p. 227)
“And Monsignor Morelli, in a chapter entitled ‘The Little Madonna,’ takes the opportunity, over Goretti’s dead body, to complain about educated women. ‘Look at all the `career girls,’’ he writes, ‘who can’t even mend a torn dress, or cook a simple meal, let along manage a household.” (p. 228)
Church proclamations critical of popular culture have long been a staple, if not a purpose, for all religions. Historically, they are even more prevalent during conservative presidencies, when it is perceived that positions of power have shifted in their favor. Norris relates more examples of how Church officials continued to write about Goretti, getting increasingly absurd in their comparisons of twelve-year-old Goretti to girls, men and women of the 1950s and 1960s.
“Girls often got a milder version of Goretti’s significance. One friend recalls, ‘If you had an impious thought, you were supposed to pray to her, but I never understood why. . .” (p. 231) The friend did not know what impious meant or what constituted an impious thought. Coded language. Sums up much of my experience with Catholicism in grade school and high school.
I no longer work for a Catholic school.
A reason for termination, for a Catholic school teacher, is telling students you disagree with church doctrine. As a teacher, you can encourage students to explore their own ideas that differ from church doctrine, but you can ONLY impose your beliefs on them if your beliefs are aligned with church values.
Among religion teachers, the degree of tolerance for students to question church doctrine varies greatly. Some gracefully show a great deal of tolerance, while others sometimes lose it and, unfortunately, shut down explorations of faith and values.
It’s luck that I didn’t find the time to read Norris’s 1996 book until now. I might have lost my job had students or an administrator or some other teacher read my blog or Goodreads review. When it comes to published work or work available to a wider audience online, I was told by administration that I had to use a pen name and that I couldn’t advertise my work to anyone connected to the community, or promote my work in places where community members might encounter it. Two other teacher/writers were given similar advice. The only exception was for work that promoted the church and Catholic education.
The school I taught at provides an excellent education for certain types of students. I could not afford to send my children there and at least one or, maybe, two of them would have benefited by going to a school with smaller class sizes, in which the chances of personal attention and accountability are likely to occur.
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Norris provides many examples of the idiosyncratic behavior, humorous conversations and the dry sense of humor found in monasteries. The attitudes conveyed were familiar from my experiences with nuns and priests. One of my least sympathetic retorts to someone who complains, excessively, about the mundane is to say, “Life is hard and then you die.” In reaction a few people smile, but more, look at me aghast. Some find the phrase shocking, others recognize the truth in it.
The phrase is blunt, but I do not consider it harsh. People who possess a certain outlook and intolerance of folly embrace it. Why some get it and laugh, while others see the phrase as insensitive is curious. What it is about the way we have, or perhaps haven’t, experienced obstacles that make my comment so shocking for some. What kind of filters allows people to expect gentleness and others to challenge it as real?
Gender is part of it. As a woman I’m supposed to be perennially nurturing and such a comment, as I’ve observed, coming from a man is somehow more acceptable. It somehow doesn’t reflect negatively on their character. Women are soft; men are hard stereotypes persist. As a teacher, I saw this cultural construct played out in other ways, in how male teachers and coaches engaged students, compared to the kind of interactions students expected from female teachers. And what was said, especially about the female teachers, if they didn’t conform to society’s expectations.
Norris points out contrasts between female and male monastics through out her book. She touches on differences and similarities between celibacy and marital fidelity. She addresses the differing views of celibacy between genders and how, since Vatican II, there has been a debate among Benedictine sisters around what they wear and what it symbolizes. She touches on people’s differing expectations in what they tolerate from celibate sisters in comparison to celibate men, and the differences between what the sisters think their clothes say and how people react to what they wear.
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Norris tells us that Benedictine practice requires monks and nuns to acknowledge every day that they are going to die.
Faced with an incurable form of cancer and my immortality, I do wonder if I would have benefited by such a practice. Perhaps then it would make the idea of dying more acceptable, instead of something I fiercely resist accepting. I wonder if I’ll ever resign myself to accepting the inevitable and what the process will be like that allows one to be okay with dying.
I hear people say they are ready to die, they are no longer afraid.
I wonder: if you’re not feeling well and suffering and can do nothing but be sick, how long does it take before you just want to die. . . and are okay with dying?
I’ve had four surgeries for cancer. Last year I had surgery, radiation, treatment a