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How To Succeed At Aging Without Really Dying
Lyla Blake Ward’s How to Succeed at Aging Without Really Dying is a wry, witty, and wise collection of essays about living in a world of bubble packs you can’t open, electronics you can’t turn on, polls you’re not deemed worthy of taking, and expiration dates you can only hope don’t apply to you. Most of all, it’s about the difficulties of staying on the planet when it’s spinning out of control.
While taking a humorous look at health, grandparenthood, computers, and social issues, How to Succeed … answers such pressing questions What brand of yogurt guarantees you will live to 110? Can older people really shop online, or is the "submit order" button visible only to users under 30? And how many pixels does it take to win your grandchild’s affection?
As we get older, we can whine or complain about our losses--memory, muscles, and mobility--or we can roll with the paunches. This book rolls.
While taking a humorous look at health, grandparenthood, computers, and social issues, How to Succeed … answers such pressing questions What brand of yogurt guarantees you will live to 110? Can older people really shop online, or is the "submit order" button visible only to users under 30? And how many pixels does it take to win your grandchild’s affection?
As we get older, we can whine or complain about our losses--memory, muscles, and mobility--or we can roll with the paunches. This book rolls.
- GenresNonfictionHumor
212 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2009
75 people are currently reading
148 people want to read
About the author
Lyla Blake Ward
2 books1 followerLyla Blake Wards writing career officially began in 1949 when she sold her first poem to Colliers Magazine. Over the last 60 years, she has published numerous works of humorous verse, op-eds, personal essays and pieces of social commentary in newspapers and magazines around the country, including: Good Housekeeping, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, Womans Day, Family Circle, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, Christian Science Monitor, and Newsday, among many others. A savvy "
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
March 30, 2025
One day recently I went to the nearby supermarket, a hazard I normally let my wife negotiate - because she actually ENJOYS it!
It’s a three-block easy senior citizen’s amble if you have to do it, and for a easily-bemused old guy like me, once I get there, it all boils down to two simple steps: IN and OUT - the quicker the better.
And for crying out loud, Fergus, remember your SHOPPING LIST!
I saw my long-time old neighbour Denis on the way. We shared a laugh:
Me: 'How are you?' He: 'Can't complain - no.one listens anyway... It's all completely USELESS now, too.'
Ah, the wisdom of a Solomon in Ecclesiastes...
Well, I was in the store, and I’d already transgressed one Golden Rule. Because there I was jawboning and passing the time of day with my even OLDER neighbour Pierre.
Pierre had just waited in line for a human(!) cashier, and I asked him why not Self-Serve.
He said: ‘Because I can’t talk to that machine right!’
We seniors can’t talk to machines, so we’ve given up... It all seems so useless without Faith. "Remember the Creator in the Days of your
Youth!"
Or, suffer the consequences when you're old like us.
And if you want to read even more crazy stuff about us pensioners, read this FABULOUS book (there, I've just caught the attention of seniors old enough to remember when that was the latest buzzword).
Hats off to you, Ms Ward - you've created a new literary category: humour for outmoded and slightly dysfunctional folks 'of a certain age.'
And you’ve hit the nail right on the head.
Get a load of this, folks:
‘At the gym last week, I got into a discussion of age with a fellow swimmer and, for some reason, told her how old I am.
She gasped, looked at me, and said with reverence, 'GOD BLESS YOU!"
Wasn't it just yesterday saleswomen were bestowing their blessings on my mother-in-law? She was a spry 90 at the time!’
Or this:
‘Every time the average life expectancy age goes up I think of how many more people won't be able to open a jar of pickles...
If you don't believe me, take a hard look at BUBBLE PACKS.
Whoever thought of this bum wrap hated his parents. Why else would you create a package that requires an ax to hack it open?’
***
If you're approaching retirement age, you may wonder what to expect.
No, I mean ASIDE from all the glossy investment company literature!
Give you a hint...
Today, I’m downtown. On the way, I stopped for a haircut. Hunkered way down low into the barber chair like the featherweight old man I’ve become, I looked up into the mirror and saw my thinning silver hair...
I was sure there had still been some BLACK strands before the year started!
Then, on my way out, I couldn’t find my hat! I looked and looked... then the barber came to help me. She looked into my bag and said, ‘Is THAT it, Sweetie??’
Funny things happen when you’re old!
READ THIS BOOK FOR MORE WEIRD AND WONDERFUL THINGS THAT’RE WAITING ROUND THE CORNER FOR YOU, TOO!
Once you know the routine, with its myriad hazards and all its wacky deviations from what you always thought of as 'normal', then... you can have a good laugh over it all.
Enjoy?!
I liked it SO much, I gave my print copy to my "senior" neighbours across the street and bought another (Kindle) copy for myself!
It’s a three-block easy senior citizen’s amble if you have to do it, and for a easily-bemused old guy like me, once I get there, it all boils down to two simple steps: IN and OUT - the quicker the better.
And for crying out loud, Fergus, remember your SHOPPING LIST!
I saw my long-time old neighbour Denis on the way. We shared a laugh:
Me: 'How are you?' He: 'Can't complain - no.one listens anyway... It's all completely USELESS now, too.'
Ah, the wisdom of a Solomon in Ecclesiastes...
Well, I was in the store, and I’d already transgressed one Golden Rule. Because there I was jawboning and passing the time of day with my even OLDER neighbour Pierre.
Pierre had just waited in line for a human(!) cashier, and I asked him why not Self-Serve.
He said: ‘Because I can’t talk to that machine right!’
We seniors can’t talk to machines, so we’ve given up... It all seems so useless without Faith. "Remember the Creator in the Days of your
Youth!"
Or, suffer the consequences when you're old like us.
And if you want to read even more crazy stuff about us pensioners, read this FABULOUS book (there, I've just caught the attention of seniors old enough to remember when that was the latest buzzword).
Hats off to you, Ms Ward - you've created a new literary category: humour for outmoded and slightly dysfunctional folks 'of a certain age.'
And you’ve hit the nail right on the head.
Get a load of this, folks:
‘At the gym last week, I got into a discussion of age with a fellow swimmer and, for some reason, told her how old I am.
She gasped, looked at me, and said with reverence, 'GOD BLESS YOU!"
Wasn't it just yesterday saleswomen were bestowing their blessings on my mother-in-law? She was a spry 90 at the time!’
Or this:
‘Every time the average life expectancy age goes up I think of how many more people won't be able to open a jar of pickles...
If you don't believe me, take a hard look at BUBBLE PACKS.
Whoever thought of this bum wrap hated his parents. Why else would you create a package that requires an ax to hack it open?’
***
If you're approaching retirement age, you may wonder what to expect.
No, I mean ASIDE from all the glossy investment company literature!
Give you a hint...
Today, I’m downtown. On the way, I stopped for a haircut. Hunkered way down low into the barber chair like the featherweight old man I’ve become, I looked up into the mirror and saw my thinning silver hair...
I was sure there had still been some BLACK strands before the year started!
Then, on my way out, I couldn’t find my hat! I looked and looked... then the barber came to help me. She looked into my bag and said, ‘Is THAT it, Sweetie??’
Funny things happen when you’re old!
READ THIS BOOK FOR MORE WEIRD AND WONDERFUL THINGS THAT’RE WAITING ROUND THE CORNER FOR YOU, TOO!
Once you know the routine, with its myriad hazards and all its wacky deviations from what you always thought of as 'normal', then... you can have a good laugh over it all.
Enjoy?!
I liked it SO much, I gave my print copy to my "senior" neighbours across the street and bought another (Kindle) copy for myself!
September 2, 2018
I don't think it will be a spoiler alert to reveal that those of you hoping to find the secret of eternal youth within these pages will be sadly disappointed. However, you will find many observational gems among the puns and witticisms - and you won't have to be in the same age bracket as the author to enjoy her take on getting older. Some of the technological stuff is outdated, but I found myself nodding along with many of the situations she describes:-
On cookies:-
"Do you know what it feels like to have your computer tell you, flat-out, your cookies have been disabled? Let me tell you, it’s pretty unsettling. First, to find out my cookies (whatever they are) are not working. And second, to realize someone out there knows more about my cookies than I do... My nightmare is, one day I will go to my machine and see the ultimate message on the screen: “You have a fatal personality flaw. We don’t like you. Don’t press any key. Your computer will never start again. ..” Oh, well, I guess that’s the way the cookies crumble."
On choosing a password:-
... "they have very definite ideas of what kind of password it should be: a minimum of eight letters, at least one uppercase, one lowercase, and one numeral. Got that? It took me four tries. First I forgot the upper-case, then the lowercase, and then the numeral completely slipped my mind. When I finally gave them what they wanted and was asked to retype it to verify the password was really mine, I put in the wrong numeral, and the silent sirens went off. Stop that impostor. She can’t even retype her password."
Perhaps Lyla Blake Ward is not quite in the same league as Nora Ephron for LOL comedic effect, but her wry understated humour hits the broad-smile level time and again.
September 2, 2018
Very humorous !
The stories and style of humor are reminiscent of the late, great Erma Bombeck. Lyla Blake Ward points out the funny side of every day life. She will have you laughing non stop. If you're looking for a book to brighten your day --- this is it!
The stories and style of humor are reminiscent of the late, great Erma Bombeck. Lyla Blake Ward points out the funny side of every day life. She will have you laughing non stop. If you're looking for a book to brighten your day --- this is it!
September 8, 2017
Funny
One of the funniest books I have read in a long time. Msg. Lyla has done a great job looking at life in an amusing way.
One of the funniest books I have read in a long time. Msg. Lyla has done a great job looking at life in an amusing way.
February 3, 2019
Hilarious and highly recommended!
I'm 67 y/o, and from the first page I have had tears streaming down my cheeks! Unfortunately, I was waiting at a bus stop when I started reading this book and everyone thought I was looney! Love the short chapters. The authoris so cleverand insightful. I needed this humour and highly recommend it!
I'm 67 y/o, and from the first page I have had tears streaming down my cheeks! Unfortunately, I was waiting at a bus stop when I started reading this book and everyone thought I was looney! Love the short chapters. The authoris so cleverand insightful. I needed this humour and highly recommend it!
December 29, 2012
Ward offers a series of anecdotes in a pragmatic yet humorous way. We are not talking Erma Bombeck quality here, but if you are craving a bit of a chuckle and some light reading, you will enjoy this.
February 9, 2020
Lyla Blake Ward writes of the various trials, tribulations and frustrations that have happened at various times in her life. Such is told in a witty and funny manner. It is easy for one to relate to the various situations and to look at in a funny and humorous manner.
December 20, 2012
I gave up on this book! It was kind of funny but just not that interesting!
December 20, 2012
This book is hilarious! The funnies thing is, some of the ideas she comes up with are great!!!!!
If you are a senior or close to it. it's a must read!
If you are a senior or close to it. it's a must read!
December 28, 2021
I’ve owned this book for several years and just happened across it before Christmas, so I gave it a whirl. It was printed in 2010, and would have been funnier then than it is now. A lot of it refers to things like technology, that changes so rapidly and frustrates many, not just seniors, and also those irritating commercials on TV for all sorts of ailments, only the prescriptions names may have changed in 11 years.
Though witty at times and reminiscent of Erma Bombeck’s style, it wasn’t laughable out loud funny to me, just cute in parts. A quick read, and diversion.
Though witty at times and reminiscent of Erma Bombeck’s style, it wasn’t laughable out loud funny to me, just cute in parts. A quick read, and diversion.
June 16, 2019
Entertaining.
September 5, 2012
I had this book on my phone to read whenever I had to wait somewhere. It's a series of short essays do it's perfect for that. That said it took me forever to read. Maybe I never have to wait or maybe I lost interest. I'm waiting for the front runner to take me home & finally finished it. It actually was quite humorous.
August 4, 2013
Too funny. Every reader will see themselves and others they know.
February 7, 2015
Way to much whining and listing of examples to such excess that I couldn't finish it.
July 27, 2016
I didn't know getting is going to suck this much!
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews