an essay.
putting aside there is certain postmodernist jargon in here, she makes a point that hits the nail on the head. wellness is seen as the default, and the need to care for oneself or care for another is seen as something abnormal. we only care when we absolutely need to. in the meantime... well... capitalism has work it wants you to do!
what is it about sickness that makes us think that person should just have access to less, to be worth less? why do we penalize students who don't struggle with actually understanding ideas or doing the work that counts but struggle to walk to class? what about students who wake up some mornings with unexplained symptoms that knock them out for a month? that insomnia that was making them a zombie during daylight and unable to focus on tasks has been "treated" with a drug that sends them into a catatonic state for 13 hours, makes them sleep through alarms, and greets them with a hangover the next morning. when the elevator goes down and you're late because it's so much harder to climb three flights of stairs for you than others or you simply can't show up because there's no other way to get to your destination in a wheelchair - how much leeway is the institution supposed to give you?
they require you jump through hoops, perform a ritual and dance for them - file this paperwork, attend this meeting, see seven doctors which will cost you the down payment on a mansion - and do it all while actively living through whatever illness is so life altering you need the exemptions in the first place. oh, there's no clean diagnosis? they can see you're in pain, you haven't eaten in a week, your eyes are swollen shut, you can't move your leg. but since they can't figure out what's "wrong" with you from the accepted list of "things" - every institution gets to treat you like there's nothing wrong with you.
perhaps the most frustrating things about this is the false sense of tied hands they give you. your boss can't allow for unexpected circumstances past the allotted amount of sick days, your professor can't let you do this assignment late or waive the participation grade, it's just not fair to the other students! and most importantly, your insurance *can't* cover that out-of-network-thing or that name brand $3,000 drug (you better hope there's a generic, sucker!), i mean, its just not in your plan! or its just not necessary! (according to who, someone who has never lived in your body or even spoken to you before?)
what would they like you to do instead?
well, die, i guess, if you can't do the work. but probably more accurately, they want you to disappear. it's uncomfortable, they want you out of their line of sight, they don't want to have to think about this.
the acts of feeding yourself, washing yourself, sitting in the sun, sleeping, doing something that can't be quantified with grades or dollars - *caring* for yourself and *caring* for others - these are unnecessary wastes of time. they need to be brief interludes insofar as they are necessary to keep propelling your body forward towards more work, more productivity - but they cannot extend into the realm of - shiver at the thought - *laziness*
but, these aren't laws of nature, are they? these institutions, rules, systems - wages, grades, ways to evaluate and analyze... they are not *sui generis*, they did not drop fully formed from the sky authored by god herself. your hands are not tied, are they? sometimes people do choose to care. i've seen it. and it doesn't actually make it unfair for everybody else because, guess what!!! you can care about them too <3
my favorite part is from her conclusion:
"I used to think that the most anti-capitalist gestures left had to do with love, particularly love poetry: to write a love poem and give it to the one you desired, seemed to me a radical resistance. But now I see I was wrong.
The most anti-capitalist protest is to care for another and to care for yourself. To take on the historically feminized and therefore invisible practice of nursing, nurturing, caring. To take seriously each other’s vulnerability and fragility and precarity, and to support it, honor it, empower it. To protect each other, to enact and practice a community of support. A radical kinship, an interdependent sociality, a politics of care."
we shouldn't have to perform the right amount and the right kind of illness to extract just enough empathy from each other to survive. we could care all the time. i promise we'll all be alright if we do.