Confessions of a Gourmand, or How to Cook a Dragon

by Tom Bruno

Van d'Allamitri is destined to become the most famous chef in all of the Three Continents-- if only he can survive his childhood first! Son of a Shan-li restaurateur and a far trader from the great merchant city of Varo, young Van proves to be a natural talent in the kitchen, transforming the simplest of ingredients into delicious meals capable of enchanting the hearts of those who eat them. But when disaster strikes and the hated Varonians invade his sleepy home village, Van must choose between honoring the culinary traditions of his mother and following in the footsteps of his cosmopolitan but ne'er-do-well father.

Armed with his trusty chef's knife and an enchanted wok containing the trapped soul of his ancestor, Van will cook many meals and face many dangers-- from treacherous slavers and bloodthirsty mercenaries to the Gorgon Queens of Chocolate and their terrible reptilian pets-- all the while unraveling the mystery of his father's past and setting into motion an explosive confrontation between his people and a powerful empire. Confessions of a Gourmand is a novel about family, fantasy, and food set in a deliciously imagined world where dragons are not only real, but on the menu as well.

Genres: Fantasy

353 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 12, 2010

About the author

Tom Bruno was born in New Jersey (Exit 3 of the Jersey Turnpike, to be precise!). An early reader, he planned his childhood activities around the weekly arrival of the county bookmobile and frequented every book store within half a day's ride of his three-speed bike.

Tom's bibliomania inevitably brought him to the Athens of America, where after a misguided attempt to become an astronaut at MIT he decided to complete his Bachelor's degree in Ancient Greek and Latin at Boston University and then his Master's degree in Library Science at Simmons College.

When he's not writing, Tom is a librarian, helping other people get their much-needed book fix!

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Tom^Bruno = main list [this author]
Tom^^Bruno = Science Fiction & Fantasy

Reviews

[Sadie Forsythe · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5
Most famous chef in the known world and his autobiography ends at 17? I'm just askin' 'cause, you know, seems maybe something got left out. No really, he's writing this history as an 'old man' but it only covers birth to 17. Where are the next, oh, 50-80 years? Ok, I'm being overly critical and maybe a little priggish, but I've got a point right?

Now about those first 17 years...they're pretty awesome. In the tradition of epic tales everywhere, Vin manages to heroically be in the right place at the right time (It's actually often the wrong place at the wrong time, but who's counting?) to make friends and influence people. By age six, he's garnering the attention of kings, by mid-adolescence he's wooing queens and rescuing the huddled masses and by 17 he's changing local history and striking out on his own. Cool.

By 17 I'd paired combat boots with my minidress and silently dared my father to oppose my free expression of prescribed fashion anarchy. So, I'm duly impressed with Vin's accomplishments. There were some definite, 'well wasn't that convenient' moments, but they were generally overshadowed by my basic enjoyment of the tale and Vin's voice.

The story is marinated...no, narrated in a marvellously conversational tone, by an eminently likeable main character. Vin's willingness to admit to his own faults makes him hard to resist and Bruno's ability to somehow thread Vin's narrative with subtle emotional shifts made it feel real, despite it' fantasy setting.

The book does drag in the middle. Counterintuitively, this is when Vin ages past his culture's version of childhood, leaves home for the first time, travels, discovers women, etc. You would think this would be where the book picks up. But no, I found his six-year-old self more interesting than his older self (at least until the very end, when the pace accelerated again).

Part of the reason is that as a child he didn't have enough life behind him to allow for flashbacks. As he aged, these flashbacks became more common and (I found) distracting. Especially as they were often interspersed with other narratives, going back and forward between two memories/tales with no indication or visual transition. Meaning you didn't realise you'd shifted from the primary event to the secondary event until a sentence to two into the new paragraph. Annoying.

Another reason is the inclusion of at least one lengthy recipe, if not an entire multi-course menu description in each chapter. I found it stifling by the latter half of the book. Both because the pattern became so apparent and because as he aged his cooking grew more complex and took more time to explain.

However, even throughout the slow bits I found plenty to appreciate. The almost recognisable cultures Vin describes (certainly I saw China and Italy, possibly Japan and Spain) were interesting, while the completely imaginary ones (the Gorgon queen of Chocolate, for example) tickled my fantasy-fancy. Because lets not pretend that Vin's focus on food wasn't also a convenient hook to discuss the politics, histories, mores, habits and customs of the different peoples' haute cuisine he cooks so well. (And all of it is surprisingly well thought out.) All this before I even scratch the surface of dragons, wyrms, dinosaurs, cyclops, shark-shifters, etc. One is never sure where myth leaves off and reality begins, but one always enjoys the story.

My one main complaint about the book, however, is that Vin's age is largely indeterminate until very late in the game (like 95% through). This is both a symptom of and a cause of the fact that you're never sure how much time is or has passed. At one point, I thought him 8-9 years old only to have him referred to as a child and taken as a lover within the same few pages. He eventually refers to his 'not yet 16 year old self.' Would that make him 15? I guess that's better than the 12-13 I'd guestimated when It became apparent he was no longer a child-child and was being taken to the bed of a significantly older woman.

Either way he's under age and having sex. This didn't particularly bother me. I'm flexible enough to roll with cultural difference concerning age of adulthood/consent and there is no graphic sex anyway, but some people might be bothered. Me? I was just annoyed because I didn't know if I should be picturing a short, juvenile boy with a sparklingly clear voice or a gangly, gravel-voiced adolescent. These things are important to a visually prone reader!

All in all, I'm closing this book happy. I thoroughly enjoyed following Vin's adventure and will happily pick up another of Bruno's works.

[Armand · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here's what I love about Tom Bruno's "Woks and Swords and Sorcery" novel, Confessions of a Gourmand or, How to Cook a Dragon (henceforth called "Confessions..." for brevity's sake): It defines the promise that can be found in self published novels.

What to wear for this novel: blue jeans, a white shirt, hiking boots(as you will be doing some traveling), a clean, heavy chef's apron (to catch all the blood spatters), and (of course) a chef's hat.

If this book were an animal; I don't know what kind of animal it would be, but whatever it is, it would have been roasted for several days in an earthen cooking pit and then served with many marvelous sauces.

If this book were a drink, it would be Palmlands' green wine preferably served with some some dinosaur skewers and marinated in the spicy talihi sauce so common to the third continent.

To begin with, "Confessions..." constructs a whole new subgenre of fantasy fiction, giving us "foodie" writing (and even whole recipes) in a setting that is an alchemized blend of high fantasy (Think Lord of the Rings), our own world (most recognizable: Italy and China), and occasional nods to fairy tale absurdity (My favorite example being the story of the land of Belil in the Cloud Cities where good meals are the object of worship and the streets are deliberately paved in a confusing fashion to make it hard for foodies to find the trendiest diners.)

Of course this could all have been a recipe (pun intended) for disaster, except that Bruno rises to the challenge with excellent plotting skills (including smart and well-engineered plot twists), a driving narrative voice, and a passion for food (if the author does not love cooking and food, then he's an incredible fake).

Here's a bit of reader history. In 2011, I took a writing workshop at Grubstreet Writers in Boston. While there, I made the acquaintance of a local writer, Edmung Jorgensen (author of Speculation.), and we later became Facebook friends. Edmund was also FB friends with Tom Bruno. At some point in 2011 or 2012 (I honestly don't remember), Bruno ran an ad campaign for "Confessions..." on Facebook. He must have somehow targeted it to "friends of friends", because an ad for the eBook (and "Confessions..." only an eBook, as far as I know, you cannot get it in print) kept popping up on my screen.

At first I ignored the ad, as I tend to ignore most ads on the web, but gradually it won me over. The idea of a foodie-fantasy was a totally new one (or new to me anyway, there are millions of books out there and, presumably, someone must have done it before). The other fact that won me over was that it was self published. As a small-press writer myself, I am sensitive to giving as much attention to small press and self published authors as I do to those published by the big presses, so I ordered the free preview for my Kindle and started reading about how best approach the dangerous process of prepping a wild-caught dragon for roasting.

What struck me immediately was the confidence of the prose; strong phrasing combined with a dynamic narrative voice that (of all people) reminded me of Hunter S. Thompson's first person narrative in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, not so much in tone, but for the ability to blend a passion for detail with narrative drive and the sense of persona. In Fear and Loathing, the passion is for drugs, the persona (Raul Duke) is driven by the need to be a malcontent, a gadfly in the face of mainstream America. In "Confessions..." our narrator / protagonist, Van d’Allamitri is driven by a passion for all food that is so all-consuming that (in certain cases) it rival's Duke's hunger for mood altering substances. Anyway, I don't want to make much out of this comparison (because the books are incredibly different) except to point you to the fact that both novels are driven by a fabulous narrative voice.

And just how does "Confessions..." fulfill the potential of what a self-published novel might be?

First, it unapologetically defies market expectations. Not having to bend itself to the marketing plan of any agent or publisher means that "Confessions..." can embrace the punk rock ethos of being true to itself. How else can you get a novel that is part cookbook, part epic fantasy and yet wholly it's own thing? It is allowed to be original.

Also, the plot is finely woven. Bigger plots are deviously folded within smaller ones. Moments and scenes that appear to be incidental in nature later reveal themselves to be part of a grander tapestry. Bruno also has the mystery writer's gift of withholding story until the right moment, giving us clues and critical bits of exposition only when it matters most. Of course, this type of game can get old fast, but he does it rarely enough (and with enough breathing room between incidents) that it works in his favor.

Then there is the food itself. "Confessions..." has got got some amazing descriptions of food, especially when it comes to recipes involving roasted meat and accompanying sauces made out of garlic, ginger and hot papers. Some passages made me very hungry (specifically, they made me want to go out and get barbecue)

Finally, the narrative carries a lot of understated savagery. Honestly I'm not even sure this book will work for vegetarians or vegans. There are graphic descriptions of killing and butchery of animals. To be sure, our protagonist (Van) is not a sadist. He goes for the quick, painless kill, but there is enough hunting and rending of flesh and organs to satisfy a 19th century French chef, or a modern day sushi cook. Particularly unnerving is a scene in which Cariebasa, a Merciless Gorgon queen, eats a live (although a mercifully anaesthetized) catfish.

To be fair, the butchery in the novel is probably more honest than the preparation of the industrial meat that so many of us eat everyday. At least the animals (and mythical beasts) consumed in "Confessions..." spent their fictional lives (and let's also remember it is fiction, no animals were hurt in making this book) being free in the wild (or at least roaming farmlands), as opposed to being raised in a soulless factory.

Along with the butchery is the issue of underage sex. One of the strange facets (and a smaller flaw) of "Confessions..." is that Van's age in indeterminate and hard to pin down. It seems like he's six years old, and a few pages later, he's suddenly in his early teens. And while he is described as a precocious prodigy and budding genius (and growing up in a world where boys become men at a very young age) it's still easy to get confused about how old he is at any part of the novel except the very beginning. But whatever his age, it's clear that he's having serious underage sex with a Gorgon queen. Again, in the novel's defense, this is not our world, and the story makes it very clear that this is all of Van's choosing.

Some people will find the butchery and underage sex to be a major problem, but read in context, they make sense and add a certain sense of energy in the novel.

This is not to say that "Confessions..." is perfect. It has some notable flaws.
One is the episodic story structure. Each chapter is framed in the same general style: a blend of recipe (or at least a cooking-related anecdotes) mixed with a flashback to Van's youth, mixed with actual forward narrative of the book (which mostly concerns itself with a political problem in Van's home town and subsequent journey to the mysterious Palmlands). While this three-part blend works well initially, it gets repetitive towards the end. Additionally, as I got past the halfway point of the novel, I wanted to see a reduction in flashbacks and recipes, and a greater focus on the "now" of the story, which- unfortunately- did not come.

A bigger problem was the feeling that two major plot points were dropped before they reached fruition. And- honestly- this was my only real complaint about "Confessions..." One plot involves Van's relationship with Cariebasa, the Gorgon queen, and the other (even more compelling) about a series of visions related to a mysterious beast called "The Devourer". In both cases, it felt like there was something more to be explored, and I thought Bruno dropped ball too early in those cases.

You know what, though? I can live with those structural imbalances because what's good about this book seriously dwarfs any problems I have.

In the end, I can't recommend this book enough for all the reasons that I mentioned above: the confidence of the narrative, the novelty of subgenre, the savagery and energy of the plot ( which is so contrapuntal to the actual voice of the narrator), and (most important) because Confessions fulfills the potential of what one might do in the realm of the self published.

[Charlotte English · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fantasy novel told via a journey through cuisine? How unusual, and as it turns out, delicious. Van d'Allamitri's passion for food pervades every page, and his powerful enthusiasm for new recipes and different cuisines is a considerable, and perhaps surprisingly believable driving force for the character and for the story.

Van's life is an exciting one, even from a young age. A chef of considerable skill before the age of ten, Van's gift for food delights all who come into contact with him. But it also gets him into trouble. This is a conversational narrative told from the personal point of view of Van himself - the autobiography of a precocious young chef. His tale is rambling but absorbing as he finds himself travelling a long way from home on a slave ship, wins his freedom and finally returns home in time to vanquish his mother's enemies - all before the age of eighteen.

Van is a character well aware of the power and the danger of his appetites, but he navigates the dangerous career of a gourmand with cheerful skill. His journey brings him into contact with seductive gorgons (the queens of chocolate), loyal Cyclopeans, the ultra-civilised and destructive Varonians (reminiscent of the Roman Empire), Shaqaran bards whose music can melt the hardest of hearts, and a highly unusual immortal with a skill for a largely extinct cuisine. The journey is colourful and delightfully varied.

The story deserves five stars, but I am rating this as four because of the unfortunate number of typos in the text. I did find this occasionally interrupted my reading pleasure. Despite that, I roundly enjoyed this novel and I hope to see more of Van's adventures become available in time.

[Bennett Gavrish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grade: B

L/C Ratio: 40/60
(This means I estimate the author devoted 40% of his effort to creating a literary work of art and 60% of his effort to creating a commercial bestseller.)

Thematic Breakdown:
40% - Fantasy adventure
30% - Food and cooking
20% - Family
10% - Romance


I rarely venture into the land of fantasy books, but in the case of Bruno's Confessions of a Gourmand, I could not resist. What drew me in was the promise that the novel's world would be built not on kingdoms or magic or medieval warfare – but rather on food. Those other elements are present in the plot, but the author's determination to include a culinary angle in every chapter pleased the Food Network fan in me.

Although the pacing in the middle of the book slows down when some of the key characters disappear from the action, Bruno ramps things up in the final chapters and does a good job of connecting back to the novel's intriguing prologue.


Noteworthy Quote:
I wasn’t very good at this, figuring out people on the inside. Even at such an early age I had learned to compensate for this shortcoming by aiming to read their taste buds instead. The only insides I knew how to please were the digestive organs.

[David Golden · Rating 3 out of 5]

Inventive world and cuisine, but merely sufficient prose

Using a chef as protagonist of the hero's journey is novel and creative, which is what kept me reading. The fantasy world is rich and detailed, with just enough Earth references to make make it seem simultaneously foreign and familiar. Sadly there was nothing much memorable in the plotting or prose and far too much reliance on happenstance to advance the plot. The retrospective travelogue style both helped and hurt: the older voice imparted greater depth to the otherwise flat younger main character but also obscured any real sense of development. I found it a worthwhile read, but if you don't love cooking, it might not do as much for you.

[Alex]

True

[Lesli · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fantasy by way of China and Italy. Strange mix of cuisine, romance, and adventure.