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A Family of Value
John Rosemond's A Family of Value presents a critical view of the child care literature of the past quarter century and argues for an end to overindulgent parenting and a return to the goal of instilling moral values, such as responsibility, respectfulness, and resourcefulness.
320 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 1995
43 people are currently reading
226 people want to read
About the author
John Rosemond
54 books74 followersJohn Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society. In 1999, his alma mater conferred upon John the Distinguished Alumni Award, given only once per year. Upon acceptance, he gave the commencement address.
From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.
From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.
Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.
In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.
All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.
From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.
From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.
Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.
In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.
All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
January 5, 2012
Well, well... first the bad:
First, his tone is annoying. It is constant conversational, motivational speaker-talk. I realize he is a motivational speaker but the constant, "Guess what I'm thinking, dear reader." and "Ah, I can see you'd like an illustration" and "Never fear, I'll get to that in a moment" got old very fast.
Second, this book was published in 1995. That made Part 1, a tirade about how the self esteem movement and new-aged parenting strategies are ruining children, a bit weird for me since I grew up during that time frame and I think I turned out OK. :-P Of course, just as Rosemond described, I had many of these self esteem lessons throughout childhood. As a kid, I thought many of these lessons were rather lame or even pretty strange (P.H.A.S.E. anyone?). However, as I stated before, I think I've turned out just fine. By all measurable standards, I'm a responsible adult. ;-)
So, if I were you, I'd completely skip Part 1. It is agonizingly repetitive and rather outdated, especially since his prophecies of doom and gloom haven't exactly come to fruition, haha. Of course, maybe he'd find fault with the way I turned out. I have no idea--I'll never meet him. ;-)
And the good:
Part 2 was much more helpful. As a newbie parent, confidence is hard to come by and I'm often fraught with guilt over perceived (and real) mistakes. Many (but not all) of his recommendations make a lot of sense to me. A quick list of my take-home messages:
1. Kids do not think like adults. They simply won't understand how I feel as a parent until they are a parent with a kiddo the same age. Therefore, it is OK for them to be upset with my decisions and OK for me to not fully explain myself. Give them reasons, but don't reason with them. (Don't argue with them.)
2. Kids have free will and will misbehave. My kids misdeeds do not automatically reflect poorly on me. That's just part of growing up. Of course, it is my job to help them learn from their mistakes.
3. Child-rising does not have to be all-intensive. My kiddos will thrive with a little less attention from me, allowing me to have time to be me (and not just their mommy)! It can be hard to navigate identity with all the culture's focus on motherhood. This also allows me and my husband to focus on being us. Our marriage should be the center of the family.
4. Separate what your kid wants and what they need. They can not distinguish between needs and wants. Less is more when it comes to toys and TV especially.
5. Allow them to do their own homework and figure things out on their own (even if that means letting them fail). Allow them to learn now while they are young.
6. A watched pot never boils. Give the child some instructions and then leave. Don't watch and invite a power struggle.
7. Take heart. You can do this. Don't over think it. Have self confidence and self control. :-)
I skimmed the question and answers section. I read the ones helpful to me and left the rest. As I mentioned, his tone really did drive me nuts and I wasn't sure how much more of it I could take. ;-)
First, his tone is annoying. It is constant conversational, motivational speaker-talk. I realize he is a motivational speaker but the constant, "Guess what I'm thinking, dear reader." and "Ah, I can see you'd like an illustration" and "Never fear, I'll get to that in a moment" got old very fast.
Second, this book was published in 1995. That made Part 1, a tirade about how the self esteem movement and new-aged parenting strategies are ruining children, a bit weird for me since I grew up during that time frame and I think I turned out OK. :-P Of course, just as Rosemond described, I had many of these self esteem lessons throughout childhood. As a kid, I thought many of these lessons were rather lame or even pretty strange (P.H.A.S.E. anyone?). However, as I stated before, I think I've turned out just fine. By all measurable standards, I'm a responsible adult. ;-)
So, if I were you, I'd completely skip Part 1. It is agonizingly repetitive and rather outdated, especially since his prophecies of doom and gloom haven't exactly come to fruition, haha. Of course, maybe he'd find fault with the way I turned out. I have no idea--I'll never meet him. ;-)
And the good:
Part 2 was much more helpful. As a newbie parent, confidence is hard to come by and I'm often fraught with guilt over perceived (and real) mistakes. Many (but not all) of his recommendations make a lot of sense to me. A quick list of my take-home messages:
1. Kids do not think like adults. They simply won't understand how I feel as a parent until they are a parent with a kiddo the same age. Therefore, it is OK for them to be upset with my decisions and OK for me to not fully explain myself. Give them reasons, but don't reason with them. (Don't argue with them.)
2. Kids have free will and will misbehave. My kids misdeeds do not automatically reflect poorly on me. That's just part of growing up. Of course, it is my job to help them learn from their mistakes.
3. Child-rising does not have to be all-intensive. My kiddos will thrive with a little less attention from me, allowing me to have time to be me (and not just their mommy)! It can be hard to navigate identity with all the culture's focus on motherhood. This also allows me and my husband to focus on being us. Our marriage should be the center of the family.
4. Separate what your kid wants and what they need. They can not distinguish between needs and wants. Less is more when it comes to toys and TV especially.
5. Allow them to do their own homework and figure things out on their own (even if that means letting them fail). Allow them to learn now while they are young.
6. A watched pot never boils. Give the child some instructions and then leave. Don't watch and invite a power struggle.
7. Take heart. You can do this. Don't over think it. Have self confidence and self control. :-)
I skimmed the question and answers section. I read the ones helpful to me and left the rest. As I mentioned, his tone really did drive me nuts and I wasn't sure how much more of it I could take. ;-)
January 14, 2012
Truly a book about common sense. Common sense that has been lost since about the 1960's. This book focuses on the fact that a strong marital bond makes for well-adjusted kids much more than a child-centered approach to family. It says a lot for having kids suffer natural consequences, 'stewing in their own juices.' It also relies heavily on kids' natural dislike for being sent to bed early and withholding privileges as motivators for good behavior.
A lot of practical hints and tips. Really liked it!
Highly recommended.
A lot of practical hints and tips. Really liked it!
Highly recommended.
August 11, 2019
Recommended to me by a friend who is a family and marriage counselor, Rosemond claims to prove the antidote to many of a family’s problems between parents and children. I was expecting this book to have a heavier focus on developmental psychology, and it didn’t, but I enjoyed the author’s candid opinions on child-rearing. However, I could only take away so much from this book because I’m not yet at the stage of life to really appreciate the subject matter.
Traditionalists will laud Rosemond’s advice, but if you consider yourself to be progressive in this area of life, this book will probably make you fume with anger. Personally, I agree with MOST of what Rosemond has to say, but I’m unsure of how practical his methods would be in 2019.
Traditionalists will laud Rosemond’s advice, but if you consider yourself to be progressive in this area of life, this book will probably make you fume with anger. Personally, I agree with MOST of what Rosemond has to say, but I’m unsure of how practical his methods would be in 2019.
May 3, 2012
I came across "A Family of Value" as a Kindle freebie. It's another one of those books I acquired a couple years ago and finally got around to reading.
I'm not going to do a long review of this book. I have too many in the hopper right now.
The premise of the book is this: the author is a heretic. He's a psychologist who largely disagrees with the rest of his profession specifically in the areas of family and child rearing.
He started his family in the 1960's as a practicing psychologist educated in the latest theories. He attempted to apply them to his son, and ended up completely frustrated. He then began to look at how children were raised in the days before the modern psychological "experts" came along with their theories on self-esteem, and began taking his family and his practice to what worked.
He explores the rise of modern child psychology, and how families moving apart after World War II caused the rise of experts since families no longer had grandma around.
Modern child rearing has to do with making sure they have a high enough "self-esteem" and spending as much time as possible with them. John Rosemond explores how a family should not be centered around the children, catering to their every whim. Being a good parent doesn't revolve around how many hours you can spend driving them to activities and helping them with their homework, thoroughly exhausting both parents.
John Rosemond argues that the children will be healthier instead of their parents focus on their marriage more. He says in the 1950's, the father wasn't involved in every last aspect of the child's life, but was concerned with providing for the family. When he wasn't providing, he was focused on his wife. If they needed help, he was there, of course.
He then proceeds to lay out his plan/program for the rest of the book. He covers every conceivable aspect of child rearing, from homework to misbehavior to eating to toys and why in his argument you should strongly restrict television and video games.
In my opinion, if you're a parent, you should read this book. Even if you don't agree with it entirely, I found it to provide a valuable perspective and I'm sure every parent can find something within it that can be implemented to make child rearing, maybe not easier, but more rewarding.
I'm not going to do a long review of this book. I have too many in the hopper right now.
The premise of the book is this: the author is a heretic. He's a psychologist who largely disagrees with the rest of his profession specifically in the areas of family and child rearing.
He started his family in the 1960's as a practicing psychologist educated in the latest theories. He attempted to apply them to his son, and ended up completely frustrated. He then began to look at how children were raised in the days before the modern psychological "experts" came along with their theories on self-esteem, and began taking his family and his practice to what worked.
He explores the rise of modern child psychology, and how families moving apart after World War II caused the rise of experts since families no longer had grandma around.
Modern child rearing has to do with making sure they have a high enough "self-esteem" and spending as much time as possible with them. John Rosemond explores how a family should not be centered around the children, catering to their every whim. Being a good parent doesn't revolve around how many hours you can spend driving them to activities and helping them with their homework, thoroughly exhausting both parents.
John Rosemond argues that the children will be healthier instead of their parents focus on their marriage more. He says in the 1950's, the father wasn't involved in every last aspect of the child's life, but was concerned with providing for the family. When he wasn't providing, he was focused on his wife. If they needed help, he was there, of course.
He then proceeds to lay out his plan/program for the rest of the book. He covers every conceivable aspect of child rearing, from homework to misbehavior to eating to toys and why in his argument you should strongly restrict television and video games.
In my opinion, if you're a parent, you should read this book. Even if you don't agree with it entirely, I found it to provide a valuable perspective and I'm sure every parent can find something within it that can be implemented to make child rearing, maybe not easier, but more rewarding.
August 28, 2012
I have read a bunch of his books and most of them are pretty enjoyable. This one was, again, pretty repetitive if you have read some of his other books. The one thing I didn't care for was the political aspect in this book and how political preferences are connected to good or bad parenting decisions. I can understand his point of view, even though I might not agree with it. And I understand why he felt a need to mention it but I don't necessarily believe that your affiliation to a certain party is what you are going to build your entire family foundation on...but then again I am not very political so maybe its just me. Certain family values are not left or right based but just basic, plain ol'common sense.
Therefore, not his most enjoyable book and not one I would necessarily tell someone to read if that asked me which Rosemond book I liked best. But I still think he makes A LOT of sense when it comes to family life, raising children, and the thought process behind it all.
Therefore, not his most enjoyable book and not one I would necessarily tell someone to read if that asked me which Rosemond book I liked best. But I still think he makes A LOT of sense when it comes to family life, raising children, and the thought process behind it all.
June 7, 2008
This was not as interesting, in the first half, as the "Six-Point Plan" book, concentrating mostly on politics, policies, and history, as well as why other people in the "helping" professions think the author is horrible, and why he's not. Additionally, the book could have used a copy-editor who knows the difference between "principle" and "principal" and between "site" and "cite."
Nonetheless, I enjoyed the stories of what worked. I like the line drawn from teaching children to respect the authority of parents so that that authority can then be transferred to a healthy respect of God. Reading one passage in the book made me realize that God seems to use the ideas of family put forth in this book on His children.
Also, I wish I could go back and do a better job of growing up, knowing what I do now. It's hard to just jump in and improve myself.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed the stories of what worked. I like the line drawn from teaching children to respect the authority of parents so that that authority can then be transferred to a healthy respect of God. Reading one passage in the book made me realize that God seems to use the ideas of family put forth in this book on His children.
Also, I wish I could go back and do a better job of growing up, knowing what I do now. It's hard to just jump in and improve myself.
October 26, 2010
Pages 142-144 - that's MY son he's talking about! Now to implement with child #3. Glad I went back and reviewed.
Chapter on the Respectful Child - his tolerance for what a child says is way lower than my own. While I appreciate his words - in essence, "take a chill pill, parents" - that doesn't line up with my personal views on child-training. Still, a lot of good sense badly needed today.
He redeems himself greatly, however, when he reflects on the tragedy in this, "a child who is not properly guided by his parents toward wanting to please them arrives at adulthood without precedent for wanting to please God. It's not that he will never be able to make that choice, but the decision, difficult to begin with, will be considerably more arduous." Thank you, John Rosemond
Chapter on the Respectful Child - his tolerance for what a child says is way lower than my own. While I appreciate his words - in essence, "take a chill pill, parents" - that doesn't line up with my personal views on child-training. Still, a lot of good sense badly needed today.
He redeems himself greatly, however, when he reflects on the tragedy in this, "a child who is not properly guided by his parents toward wanting to please them arrives at adulthood without precedent for wanting to please God. It's not that he will never be able to make that choice, but the decision, difficult to begin with, will be considerably more arduous." Thank you, John Rosemond
May 15, 2010
Not sure that I can say I actually read this one. I skipped ther first half of the book that tells all of the ways we've gone wrong as a society and how our children are suffering for it--so depressing, so TRUE. I literally just couldn't go through that--I already know!
The last half encouraged me as a parent--reminded me of areas to take charge and "lower the boom" so that I can be a happy parent of happy children. Happy kids and happy parents are born of discipline for sure.
The last half encouraged me as a parent--reminded me of areas to take charge and "lower the boom" so that I can be a happy parent of happy children. Happy kids and happy parents are born of discipline for sure.
May 13, 2011
The absolute best book on parenting that I have ever read.
John Rosemond is a genius. I have been working in the social service side of the education field for over 7 years and I think that if more parents would parent their children according to this book, I would be out of a job.
I love his parenting style and I believe that if you mimic John Rosemond's parenting style, you too will ENJOY your life as a parent.
John Rosemond is a genius. I have been working in the social service side of the education field for over 7 years and I think that if more parents would parent their children according to this book, I would be out of a job.
I love his parenting style and I believe that if you mimic John Rosemond's parenting style, you too will ENJOY your life as a parent.
August 1, 2011
I downloaded this book for free on my Kindle from Amazon. I have always been a fan of John Rosemond's articles in the newspaper. He purports good old-fashioned values with which we were raised. I haven't finished the book yet, but all parents, old and young should read it. I'm looking for copies to send to my kids!
March 2, 2012
It's been a while since I've read any John Rosemond and reading this was a reminder that I need to occasionally do it just to reset my thinking. His style is natural, old fashioned, and common sense. It's my natural parenting style, but it's easy to get sucked into the trendy way of thinking and trap of making motherhood more complicated than it is.
May 2, 2008
Brilliant book. In this day and age of all the new fangled advice about parenting, this book boils it down to common sense, practical application, back to basics wisdom. It gives you permission to be the parent you know you should be, but the world argues you shouldn't.
June 2, 2008
He has a lot of good ideas. At times he seems a bit "out there" but overall, great book for new parents.
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May 3, 2013I love Rosemond's old-fashioned ideas for raising children and have done my best to use them. The things he says and the results he gets are just too common sense to ignore.
March 28, 2013
He knows what he is talking about, and he presents it well. His books should be given to every new parent upon the birth of their first child.
April 26, 2013
Eh. Not in love. Makes some good points but I could do without the non-stop ranting. Wish this were condensed to a 5pg essay, would probably be better able to get his point across that way.
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