The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep

by Elizabeth Pantley, Harvey Karp (Foreword)

Guaranteed to help parents reclaim sweet dreams for their entire family New from the bestselling author of the classic baby sleep guide! Getting babies to sleep through the night is one thing; getting willful toddlers and energetic preschoolers to sleep is another problem altogether. Written to help sleep-deprived parents of children ages one to five, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers offers loving solutions to help this active age-group get the rest they--and their parents--so desperately need. A follow-up to Elizabeth Pantley's megahit The No-Cry Sleep Solution , this breakthrough guide is written in Pantley's trademark gentle, child-centered style. Parents will discover a wellspring of positive approaches to help their children get to bed, stay in bed, and sleep all night, without having to resort to punishments or other negative and ineffective measures. The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers tackles many common nighttime obstacles, including:

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Reference, Self Help, Health, Childrens, Family

396 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Elizabeth Pantley is a bestselling author of fiction and non-fiction books. She writes two well-loved cozy mystery series: The Magical Mystery Book Club, and the Destiny Falls Mystery and Magic series. She has also written the international bestselling No-Cry Solution parenting book series that is available in over twenty languages.

Elizabeth lives in the majestic Pacific Northwest and spends winters in the sunny desert of Arizona. While neither location is home to any paranormal beings (that she knows of) the vastly different yet equally lovely locations are the inspiration for the settings in many of her books.

Sign up for her newsletter to get a free novella at www.elizabethpantleyauthor.com

Reviews

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I keep reading this book in hopes of finding some magical solution for getting Cole to sleep reliably. When I find it, I suspect it will be tethered to the tail of a pig flying by...

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

It didn't have the answer I was looking for, which was, "How to get a 14 month old to sleep through the night." It did change my attitude about dealing with my child when he is awake or won't go to sleep...I've begun to cherish that time with him much more.

There seems to be a gap between baby sleeping books and toddler sleeping books. Many of the the author's examples and references were of older toddlers, children that can carry conversations and have opinions. My child still can't tell me why he is awake, so either there ARE no answers for this age group or this book didn't have them.

I appreciated all the bedtime routine solutions. We incorporated many of them, and they have seemed to help, even in just a short time. We do have to let our child cry, but it doesn't last more than 5 minutes. So maybe the book should be titled "Less-Cry Sleep Solution." Either way, the book was still helpful, and I understand more about human sleep habits in general, now.

[Joanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

For some reason, I liked this book substantially more than Pantley's previous book (The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night). Still no real solution here for why my 20-month old still can't stay asleep through the night, but helpful chapters on expectations management (i.e., lots and lots of parents are still getting up with toddlers) and strategies for what to do when he does wake up.

I'm not sure how much of what I'm feeling is an attitude improvement and how much is a factual change in my son's sleeping, but either way, the book was the right book for me at this moment. Pantley does a nice job of being inclusive to a variety of parenting styles (though firmly on the non-cry-it-out side of the dividing line).

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really helpful to us. Written in a reassuring and easy-to-read tone, it emphasizes a bedtime routine customized to your child, and provides many different options. Every child and family is different so I very much appreciated the build-your-own theme of this book. There's a lot of information on different sleep problems along with several possible solutions to choose from, depending on the temperament and personality of your child. My kids are now sleeping better thanks to this book. That warrants 5 stars!

[Kaitlin Jundt · Rating 4 out of 5]

My son has been a terrible sleeper since birth. "Cry it out" has never worked for him or us. This offered some great tips! His sleep has even improved some! I'm sure we will revisit this from time to time.

[Alisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was like it was future me writing to current me. I've heard a lot of the ideas in this book at la Leche league meetings. After the birth of my third child, and an unexpected five day hospital stay, my two older children, ages four and two, completely changed their sleep patterns and we needed help fast.

Kind, gentle and realistic, Pantley explains that every family is different and there are many great ways to approach sleep. She gives calming reassurance and praise. She understands extended breastfeeding and cosleeping and doesn't recommend terminating either as the sole solution to sleep disturbances. At the same time, she has great ideas about how to wean yourself and your baby (and husband in the case of co-sleeping) off these when you want. I like that she reminds in a subtle manner, that identifying why things frustrate you can help you work through sleep issues and choose the best solutions.

[Brandy Mcdonald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. I have been struggling with sleeping solutions ever since Jameson was a baby. I tried crying it out for a night and knew it just wasn't for me. I could never find a solution that didn't involve trying to teach my child that I won't respond when they cry. When a friend recommended the infant version of this book, I decided to give this one ago given the current ages of my children. I was amazed! It spoke to my exact parenting styles and was finally the answer I was looking for! I have only been doing these suggestions for a little over a week and have already seen a huge change in not only the sleep of my children, but their mood, attention, and behavior. I highly recommend this to anyone looking for a better night sleep for their toddlers and preschoolers (and themselves!!!)

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Doesn't pretend to provide some magic solution to sleep and acknowledges that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Kids are different and parent preferences and tolerances are different. Lots of great information, with data to back it up, on the realities of sleep during this time period along with many options for improving it and working through common challenges. Includes examples and feedback on what works for different families.

[Shane Moore · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book mostly provided sensible easy-to-follow suggestions for methods to change a child's behavior in a positive way. Personally I felt like the sections explaining how things could be wrong in the first place were a little long, but I get why they're included.

My only real objection was that the author was aggressively non-judgmental about practices and ideas that I personally find objectionable and potentially dangerous, such as by listing homeopathy and "craniosacral therapy" (very light head massage meant to influence skull fluid) as valid options for medical and behavioral problems. Thankfully, the author herself didn't strongly endorse any such quackery, and her advice was plausible.

I guess the real test of this book's value is whether my family sleeps better after a few months of attempting the suggested changes for our specific issues.

[KimberLeigh Hadfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book address every possible night time issue. It is thorough and complete, and takes a gentle, loving approach. The biggest point to learn from this book, which I appreciate, is that we parents need to exercise patience and tender loving care. Children cannot be forced to sleep, anymore than an adult can sleep if they are not tired. I feel like parents, in the rush of life, forget that their children are little people who cannot explain themselves understandably, and patience and care are number one in our parenting.

This book helped me see that a good night time routine, which may take a full hour to complete, is not only OK, but may be essential, and will help set the child up for a good night. It's important for us parents to be OK with that, allow it to be the parent-child's quality time, and make it special, then everyone is happy.

Sometimes they'll go to bed easily, sometimes they won't. And if we allow ourselves as parents to be OK with whatever our little ones do (within reason), everyone is happier.

If we have unreasonable expectations about how our little ones "should" behave/do/act then we set ourselves up for disappointment. Rather, if we allow them the right to be just the way they are, then we experience far greater joy.

This book addresses both the child and the parent as a team in rearing the child (and therefore the parent). Excellent read.

[Cailean · Rating 5 out of 5]

We benefited so greatly from the baby No-Cry Sleep Solution, that reading this book was a natural next step when our oldest reached toddlerhood. Toddlers have their own unique set of issues with sleep, phases, and understanding. What's wonderful about toddlers vs. babies is you can reason a little more with them, help them test their world with cause and effect, and learn to motivate them with rewards for good behavior. Pantley's method of gently nuturing your baby's sleep into toddlerhood fits so well with the attachment parenting style. This book addresses the many issues that will crop up -- naptime, schedules, separation anxiety, nursing, and wanting to visit a parents' bed. The latter was a main issue with us. I found the book to be extremely helpful in finding loving ways to help a child learn to gradually stay in their own room, without forcing them or making them feel that bedtime was a scary place. What I love about the No-Cry books is that at times they feel like workbooks, helping you figure out your OWN no-cry solution through charts and tracking. This book is an invaluable resource for parents who want to be involved in a win-win situation so everyone in the house can get sleep!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love that this book had a chapter about the particular needs of adopted kids. I like that the recommendations that they suggest are all things that are appropriate for adopted kiddos or for people that aren't into Cry it out or Ferberizing. The hard thing is that the advice in this book isn't instant pudding or a simple do this and it will fix your sleep type solution. Instead, I think both parents need to read this book, gather some information about just what the problems with sleep are and tackle them one at a time. I like that the author doesn't make judgements about parenting choices....cosleeping OK, not cosleeping also OK, breastfeeding OK, bottlefeeding OK. It is probably one of the most neutral parenting books I've read. The fundamental questions that the author asks really resonate......"Is the current situation working for you?" If you are happy with it and are looking to change because of what someone else thinks, don't bother. If you want the change even if the situation used to be okay with you, go for it.

[Chris Munson · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the most part our son has been a good sleeper, but recently he has gotten to the point where if he doesn't sleep with us...he doesn't sleep at all...and neither do we. So, we turned to the No-Cry Sleep Solution book to see if we could find answers. Not only did the book provide tips and guidance on how to solve our particular problem, it provides solutions for a plethora of other sleep issues - all without making your child "cry it out." Sometimes all a parent really needs is an authoritative voice to tell you that everything is fine. We found out that certain behaviors that several well-meaning (though people who should mind their own business) individuals thought was a problem are actually normal. The most important pieces of advice: Make sure they get enough sleep and trust your instincts as a loving parent. You know your kid better than anyone and every child is different. Highly recommended no matter what sleep issues you are dealing with during the toddler phase.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be helpful and reassuring. Basically? All kids have sleep problems. It's not just my kid. And to get past and/or through your kid's sleep problems, you've got to try out a routine. And if it doesn't work, you gotta change it up and find what does work.

I write this as my kid is in bed. On time. Without a battle tonight. Even though we were out this evening at a Valentine's Day party. We left a little early to get home and get our routine underway. Making small evening sacrifices like that to avoid battles at bedtime... pfft, no contest on if it is worth it or not.

I wish this book offered up a little bit more information as to naptime battles and what, exactly, are the cues that a child is ready to give up a nap. We're still semi-struggling in this area though the past week has seen improvement! That's the reason I gave it four instead of five stars!

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I preferred this book over her original book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" (for babies). My son was apparently ahead of the curve, standing, climbing out of bed at an early age, so some of her "solutions" wouldn't have worked. I decided to pick this book up a few months ago, because it dealt with issues we are having with him now that he is 21-months old: night nursing/waking, transitioning to a big kid bed etc. She has obviously been there and it is apparent. I incorporated some of her solutions and they have worked very well. It is sometimes two steps forward and one step back, but overall I am pleased with the results. In hindsight, I wish I had THIS book when he was 6 months-12 months old.

[Phoebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good review ion the importance of routines. Since I have re-committed myself, Sully goes to sleep without crying and Agnes has stayed n her own bed all night for 7 days in a row! To top it all off the kids are now in bed before 8 every night and seem to be in much better moods. Now I need to tackle Sully's habit of waking up in the middle of his nap and want to finish his nap on the couch.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought I knew a lot about infant sleep and night time parenting, but I learned tons from this book. I was erring on the no-routine side of things. You can have routine and still practice attachment parenting and child-let breastfeeding. This book is very specific to toddlers and pre-schoolers, as they are different than babies. Very helpful.

[Leah Woodworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful even though I read the first book

This book has given me new ideas and resolve to help my toddler sleep, without the trauma of too much crying.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is definitely a book geared toward first time parents, specifically because the suggestions, check lists, processes, etc. are likely self-explanatory to seasoned parents. I don't say this to criticize, but to inform. I got it thinking I would find some new ideas that I hadn't thought of or we had not already incorporated into our nighttime routine. Not really. It is much more labor intensive in its approach than I am ever going to be with bedtime, and since we already incorporate - in some way - the majority of the nighttime routine suggestions, I didn't find it super helpful in that regard.

There is a lot of focus on all manner of issues impeding sleep, most of which did not apply to us, and virtually no focus on our primary problem. Our toddler had a sudden onset of nighttime separation anxiety at 15 months, but once the fear was dealt with it morphed into manipulating us to keep her in our bed. We ultimately tried every strategy we could think of - many of which are outlined in this book - to get her happily back in her bed. When we finally realized that, once all her needs were met, she was both overtired and angry because she wasn't getting her own way, we put her in her bed. She objected loudly the first night, but we were there to comfort & console her, and by the fifth night she was going to bed without incident. Sleeping through the night has never been an issue for her, and wasn't negatively affected by insisting she go back to her own bed. In fact, she is better rested now, and so are we.

While the no-cry approach may work for a lot of situations (and indeed, both of my sons were easy about going to bed), for some kids it just doesn't. I do agree, however, that if there are underlying psychological, medical, physical, or mental issues affecting sleep, you have to get to the root of those problems. In that regard, I think the author has provided some good starting info on dealing with these more serious issues.

[E.A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

My daughter is 2 years old and has never been a good sleeper. We have tried everything, but nothing seems to work. I bought this book from Amazon, as it came up in one of my Google searches. I thought it sounded like a good book to read. I only gave it 3 stars because while well written, thoughtful, and informative, I didn't really find anything in the book that I hadn't already known from Google. That being said, it was nice to have all the information in one place for simplicity.

Additionally, the suggestions in the book seemed to worsen the situation (e.g., white noise and telling stories at bedtime) rather than improve the situation. My daughter became more stimulated, not more relaxed. So the opposite of the intended result was achieved. I'm sure the book is great when you have a normal sleeper who just needs a little bit more of a routine. When you have a child such as mine, however, I didn't find it helpful, or I should say, any more helpful than free Google searches.

I don't know whether the author is a doctor or what her education is in (e.g. whether she has studied sleeping, child development, etc.). However, it seems that she has written lots of books on "No-cry" solutions for everything from naptime to potty training. She does mention a few signs of sleep disorders in children (not sure where she gets this information from) and recommends to seek professional help if your child exhibits any of these symptoms.

In conclusion, I think that this book is good if you have a child who is capable of sleeping normally, but you want to get into a better routine. Then this book will give you some helpful tips as to how to make that happen.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of sleep books as a mother. Many are very strict and say do this or else! This one was very flexible and suggested to do what was best for me and my child because everyone is different! She outlines basis good sleep tactics that if implemented usually fix little sleep issues. Then she goes into other big areas specifically like moving from a family bed to a toddler bed, or having a child needing me in the night, or ones that can't fall asleep without a parent nearby, etc. She lists several strategies and says pick one that works for you. I love that! I was always frustrated when other sleep books didn't work with their strictness. Seemed we went backwards instead of forwards because their strategy didn't work with my kids.

My big eye opener in this book was the chapter on separation anxiety. As I was reading I realized that was exactly how my toddler was behaving! And the strategies of having him go to sleep without me were making it worse instead of better. This totally shifted my change of thinking and my way of dealing with him needing me when he sleeps. Wow!

Yes, our sleep has gotten better after reading this book. The things she suggests work.

Anyway, loved the book and would recommend if you have toddlers.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me a lot with much more than sleep. I was able to make a more rigid schedule for my toddlers day, making sure plenty of sleep for him fit in. It helped me to identify some of the reasons he might have been having a hard time with bedtime. And it always helped me to change my mentality about the time spent with him at bedtime and how fleeting it those moments are.

I can’t say one thing in particular did the trick, or it was a combination of all the things, but bedtime did get so much better. I also really liked all the resources it gave and worksheets you could fill in to organize the child’s sleep schedule and identify any issues.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’d heard good things about the author’s earlier book, geared for parents of newborns and infants. Since I now have a young toddler, although she sleeps well, I figured I’d get a head start for future potential issues. Honestly I guess this book is fine, it has sort of a huge menu of options and the idea is to choose a few ideas that might work for your own personal needs. But it’s more of a reference guide than a single coherent solution. She is also fairly agnostic as far as presenting various options as though they are equally good ideas, like taking your child to a medical doctor if they seem to have a physiological issue, or a homeopath. 😳 yikes

[Adam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I guess the book was helpful in that it did help me realize that our current sleeping situations with kids is normal and not ultimately a problem if everyone is getting enough sleep. I appreciated the mindset too that there's no silver bullet for all people, so the book is more of an open ended conversation to think through a situation and have some potential solutions to try. The reason for the low rating though is that I think people are better off just googling their situation than trying to read through this dense tome. It is a bit like the "what to expect" series of books where 90% of the book doesn't apply to you and the 10% that does can probably be found online more readily.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is fantastic. It's non-judgemental and offers real and kind solutions for a variety of sleep issues. My only qualm is that we have multiple sleep troubles and are am unsure of what order to tackle them in! I have not read Pantly's first book, the original No-Cry Sleep Solution aimed at younger children. We have a 13.5 month old and most of the solutions are a little old for him (we obviously can't explain to him certain things regarding sleep or write up games, etc), but I still found it immensely comforting and cathartic. #bookworm #bookstagram #thenocrysleepsolution

[AP · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a sleep book free of dogma!

This was a refreshing read, compiling what is known about sleep and presenting realistic options. If I had read this one first when I had my first child twelve years ago, I would have known to steer clear of the "my way or the highway" kid and baby sleep books.

[Nena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Learned some new stuff, but there were things in the book that I'm not willing to do. There are definitely enough options for every family sleep scenario. We'll see if this works on my toddler; he has been doing better since I started the book.

[Curt Matzenbacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great practical info and comprehensive except for one big gripe: the audiobook version on Audible and Google Play needs an update. It glaringly fails to mention helpful tech like toddler sleep clocks or anything to do with online tools or mobile apps. Otherwise great! I learned a lot!

[Kjersti · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was filled with pictures of the author's sleeping children more than anything else. Uninspired.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Update in 30 days

I’m giving it a go so I’ll update in 30 days if I can get my toddler to fall asleep in his big boy bed on his own. That’s my goal.