Conocimiento valioso para seguir comprendiendo el arte de las relaciones de pareja.
Los conceptos son los mismos que enseña el maestro David Deida. La clave, como siempre, está en entender la polaridad de las energías masculino-femenino.
Algunas frases y fragmentos:
“Repetition is the mother of skill”.
“You have to get to the point where no matter what a woman does, it doesn’t move you off center”.
“The reason is that you get what you focus on in life”.
“In our desire to have that certainty about how someone else feels about us, we create the feeling that we are insufficient as a person. We are looking to fulfill our need for certainty with her approval and end up creating the appearance of neediness”.
“It is important to remember that the way you treat her when you are dating her and the way you treated her to get her to fall in love with you in the first place is the same way that you need to treat her even after being married for twenty years. Courtship is ongoing and it is never going to end. Always build anticipation. Avoid falling into routines. Don’t go out every Friday night and take your wife to dinner. Try going out one week on a Wednesday night to do something different. Skip a week and take her out twice the following week. Always keep her wondering. Add spontaneity. Leave her curious as to when the next surprise is going to come. Never tell women what you’re going to do. Let them discover it in real time”.
“Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, achieving goals, etc”.
“Women want to be noticed. Everything they do is about getting your attention. That is why it’s so important to understand what your attention means to them. So that’s why a woman is going to call you in the middle of the day and say: Hey, I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you. All she’s looking for is to feel you. She wants to feel your presence”.
“You have to dig deeper, because she is testing you to see if you really care enough to want to know what’s bothering her. If you really care enough to take away the pain she’s feeling inside, you need to draw this out of her by asking her questions: Honey, tell me what’s upsetting you, and not leaving until you get it out of her what is actually going on”.
“Most guys will just say: I’m sorry, and she’ll say: Okay, thank you. I’m glad you’re sorry. Or the guy says: I love you. Instead of you saying it, she wants you to show it. The way you show it is with your presence, and by showing her: You are not moving me off center, here. The words don’t really have that much meaning to her. It is your actions, and the fact that you are not going anywhere. It is you understanding her when she says: Well, you did this, this, this, and it really hurt me, and you repeat it back: Oh, so I did this, this, and this, and it made you feel this way. And it hurt you, and it made you feel like this. Is that right? Is that how I made you feel?”.
“You need to keep working with her, pulling the information out, until you hear those magic words: I feel so much better, I’m so glad we talked. I love you. Thank you honey”.
“Keep in mind that with a woman, you get no points for what you did in the past. You could have been the perfect husband for the past ten years, but if you’ve been screwing up all day today, she will say: You are a jerk, a bad husband, and you never treat me right. Most guys will respond: Well, I did this last week and this the week before. I’ve been married to you for ten years and I have always done this and... Guys go on this whole rationalizing thing. That is the wrong way to go about it. All it’s going to do is piss her off more”.
“You never want to argue with a woman, because it is only going to escalate. The bottom line is that you are never going to win an argument anyway. Women don’t fight fair, and they don’t argue rationally. Their arguments are mostly emotionally based. If you are trying to have a rational argument with her, she will only end up throwing around more of her emotions, because she is trying to say: Hey, you need to notice me. You need to acknowledge my heart. You need to acknowledge how I feel. You are not doing that by arguing. When I talk to clients who are arguing with their women I know they do not understand women. It is impossible for guys who don’t understand women to have effortless and drama-free relationships”.
“Women are like the ocean, and guys have these little rowboats or canoes. A guy will be just cruising along and it’s a nice, sunny, beautiful day, and he’s thinking: Wow. This is really great.
The ocean is flat, then all the sudden, from out of nowhere it becomes like a hurricane. There are ten-foot waves everywhere. The guy, no matter what his lady is doing, has to remain centered. In other words, he can’t let her capsize his boat. He can’t let her sink him. He can’t let her get him off his path and his purpose in life. And he can’t – no matter what – let her get him out of his masculine.
If she does capsize your boat and you sink? First, you have to bail it out and bring it back to the surface. Now she will make it twice as hard, the storm will get twice as bad, until she sees that no matter what she does, she can’t sway you from your path. It doesn’t matter if she’s yelling, cussing at you, or saying: I hate your guts. She’s just expressing emotion”.
“It is about understanding what all the cues mean. When a woman says: You never listen to me. Or: You never do this for me or that for me. In that moment, it is simply what she’s feeling. It doesn’t mean that you have never, ever done this or that for her. All it means is in that present moment, you are failing as a man to give her the presence that she is looking for from you”.
“That is why women tend to generalize a lot when they are saying things. They will say: I can’t stand you, or: You’re such a jerk, or she gets really mad and says she hates you. It doesn’t mean that she does not love you any more, but right then and there, in that moment, she is feeling that she hates your guts, because you failed, and she’s simply expressing that to you. Again, don’t take it personally.
She may be completely shut down to you. By your presence and communicating with her, you are going to work to open her back up. Once she is back open, she will usually apologize for what she said, with something like: I was just really emotional. Or she may be all over you and say: I love you! That is just her being a woman. It is part of the weathering of the storm.
Understanding the secret language is all about understanding what her responses mean. Guys think logically, and women think emotionally”.
“You can’t allow yourself to be affected by a woman”.
“Keeping the Magic Alive
The simple concept is that what you do to get your lady to fall in love with you is what you have to do to keep her. If you don’t date your wife or your girlfriend, some other guy eventually will.
What you do to get her is what you are going to have to do to keep her. As long as you stay in your center and do not become complacent, the testing will be minimal. If the testing starts, you know you are not doing something right, and you need to switch gears. Recognize it for what it is: An opportunity for growth and change from stagnation and complacency”.
“Polarity is the Key to Maintaining Desire”.
“So, even if everything is hitting the fan at work, and the bills are behind, it doesn’t move him off center. He is the rock. When he is the rock, she doesn’t have to worry about anything. Even if things aren’t going well, she knows he will somehow find a way to turn it around.
If he is confident, says he is going to get things turned around, tells her not to worry about it, and she knows he can do that, she feels comfortable in opening up and basking in her feminine energy. As I have said, there is nothing more beautiful to me than a woman that is completely in her feminine, completely open. It is so alluring and so sexy to be drawn in by a woman like that”.