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The Columbine Pilgrim
The Columbine Pilgrim is a dark journey into the labyrinth, an exploration of the twisted psychic pathways by which resentment and rage, sentimentalism and self-pity, alienation and nihilism lead to mass murder. Join Tony Meander, a brilliant yet troubled man, as he makes a curious "pilgrimage" to Littleton, Colorado to visit the site of the notorious 1999 Columbine High School massacre. His mind dashes to and fro, between present and past, between fantasy and fact, as he contemplates committing a bold, terrible act that will disturb the universe.
114 pages, Hardcover
First published February 28, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
February 21, 2020
I have a weakness for a good revenge story, and The Columbine Pilgrim is one of the best tales of retribution. Mind you, I have problems with the author’s professed Catholicism – but in spite of Andy Nowicki’s papal genuflecting, the book is a powerful exploration of a psyche in need of payback.
The Columbine Pilgrim recounts the life-history of Tony Meander – a gentleman who was mistreated in public school, and a guy who becomes obsessed by similarly maltreated students at Columbine High School who tried to get back that their oppressors. Meander is a classic unreliable narrator, but unlike a man driven insane by the childhood persecution, he becomes sane by contemplating retaliation. But planning a reprisal is chaotic business.
Suffering does not make one a better human being; instead, becoming a victim always brings out the worst in a human being. When Tony Meander is bullied in high school, he does not develop into a more compassionate adult – quite the reverse, Meander turns out to be a man consumed by the need for vengeance. And rightly so. Because Tony Meander did nothing wrong to receive such harassment, he must do something morally wrong to correct the situation.
The opening half of the book is told in the first-person, and the remainder of the book is a more coherent third-person. The “preamble” is mostly mental reverie, while the final chapter comprises all the action. And what Meander does at a school reunion is something that every ill-treated citizen might fantasize about. Unlike most Americans, Meander has the courage to act upon those fantasies. Self-realization is not always a good thing. When you express your feelings, it often gets a little bloody.
The Columbine Pilgrim recounts the life-history of Tony Meander – a gentleman who was mistreated in public school, and a guy who becomes obsessed by similarly maltreated students at Columbine High School who tried to get back that their oppressors. Meander is a classic unreliable narrator, but unlike a man driven insane by the childhood persecution, he becomes sane by contemplating retaliation. But planning a reprisal is chaotic business.
Suffering does not make one a better human being; instead, becoming a victim always brings out the worst in a human being. When Tony Meander is bullied in high school, he does not develop into a more compassionate adult – quite the reverse, Meander turns out to be a man consumed by the need for vengeance. And rightly so. Because Tony Meander did nothing wrong to receive such harassment, he must do something morally wrong to correct the situation.
The opening half of the book is told in the first-person, and the remainder of the book is a more coherent third-person. The “preamble” is mostly mental reverie, while the final chapter comprises all the action. And what Meander does at a school reunion is something that every ill-treated citizen might fantasize about. Unlike most Americans, Meander has the courage to act upon those fantasies. Self-realization is not always a good thing. When you express your feelings, it often gets a little bloody.
October 1, 2024
Started on Tuesday September 24th 2024 and finished on Wednesday September 25th 2024
A man wages a holy war on the world and within himself
Dangerous interiority playful and glib yet obsessive and alarming
Always in a state of coming in and out of the present moment
Fluctuations in lucidity being brought to the edge and back again of conscientiousness
Has trouble reconciling with being an adult and having unresolved childlike urges and inner tantrums
Apocalyptic revenge fantasies
Brief book but has a lot on its mind
Self actualizing into the image you have for yourself
How criminality separates you from reality creating its own dimension
Choosing death and annihilation
Release from torment through violence
Becoming an extension of your rage
God complex detached delusions of the self
Persecution and victimhood creating a deluded nihilistic comfort in fascistic perpetrators
How will history remember us
How advocacy groups will take a tragedy as an opportunity to promote their own interests
The need to categorize irrational violence into manageable boxes; unwittingly perpetuating cycles of it
Finding religious significance in the profane
Can something divine actually come from tragedy
Structurally unique
Carefully disturbing unannounced in a way despite its open armed march towards its explosive goals
Certain words are emphasized in the dialect of the person speaking which I always appreciate
Despite its short length the first section had this effect on me like treading through a mire which I credit to the interiority and the second section rapidly builds this anticipation to its unforgiving and relentless follow through
This has given me a lot to think about and in many ways (between this and The Triflers) gives preoccupations of my own an outlet of some kind
I’ll definitely be checking out more work from this author
A man wages a holy war on the world and within himself
Dangerous interiority playful and glib yet obsessive and alarming
Always in a state of coming in and out of the present moment
Fluctuations in lucidity being brought to the edge and back again of conscientiousness
Has trouble reconciling with being an adult and having unresolved childlike urges and inner tantrums
Apocalyptic revenge fantasies
Brief book but has a lot on its mind
Self actualizing into the image you have for yourself
How criminality separates you from reality creating its own dimension
Choosing death and annihilation
Release from torment through violence
Becoming an extension of your rage
God complex detached delusions of the self
Persecution and victimhood creating a deluded nihilistic comfort in fascistic perpetrators
How will history remember us
How advocacy groups will take a tragedy as an opportunity to promote their own interests
The need to categorize irrational violence into manageable boxes; unwittingly perpetuating cycles of it
Finding religious significance in the profane
Can something divine actually come from tragedy
Structurally unique
Carefully disturbing unannounced in a way despite its open armed march towards its explosive goals
Certain words are emphasized in the dialect of the person speaking which I always appreciate
Despite its short length the first section had this effect on me like treading through a mire which I credit to the interiority and the second section rapidly builds this anticipation to its unforgiving and relentless follow through
This has given me a lot to think about and in many ways (between this and The Triflers) gives preoccupations of my own an outlet of some kind
I’ll definitely be checking out more work from this author
April 6, 2025
Though some parts are an interesting insight on the so-called 'Columbineaholics' most of it feels like a horrible fever dream and just...messy? It's not a very long book and i finished it in about an hour or two. If you are interested however in nihilism in my opinion this sets a pretty grisly example...
September 1, 2025
Not sure I really got this one. It's dark yet satirical but went too off the rails for me at the end.
March 31, 2016
The Columbine Pilgrim is an intense, disturbing, and fascinating read. It's certainly not for the squeamish, but it's a great look into the fractured mind of a mass shooter. This novella shows Nowicki to be a highly capable writer. In the tradition of Hubert Selby Jr., he attempts to confront the demon in order to meet the angel. Even if the demon turns out to be all there really is, he's willing to take that risk.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews