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When Horse Became Saw: A Family's Journey Through Autism
When Anthony Macris' son was diagnosed with autism, he and his partner Kathy had two choices: do what they were told – and could afford – or do what they thought best. This is the tragic, joyful, instructive story of how they confronted the condition that changed their lives.
Before the onset of autism, Alex was a vibrant, healthy little boy, Anthony and Kathy the happiest of parents. Afterwards Alex was struck mute, barely able to recognise them. From then on, all that mattered was finding the right treatment.
But how to do this, for a disorder with no known cause and no cure? Eventually Anthony and Kathy decided to take control of their son's therapy themselves, turning every aspect of their lives around in the process. It took a long time, but the radiance did return to Alex's face. By then he was a completely different person, and so were his parents.
When Horse Became Saw is an extraordinary account of Alex's regression and his family's search for answers, an invaluable guide through the obstacles and decisions faced by anyone in their situation. It beautifully paints the emotional world of a father who finds himself in the strange country of autism – and something of a stranger in his own country, whose government refused to fund the therapy his son so desperately needed.
Above all it enriches our understanding of those who are profoundly different yet have so much to give.
Before the onset of autism, Alex was a vibrant, healthy little boy, Anthony and Kathy the happiest of parents. Afterwards Alex was struck mute, barely able to recognise them. From then on, all that mattered was finding the right treatment.
But how to do this, for a disorder with no known cause and no cure? Eventually Anthony and Kathy decided to take control of their son's therapy themselves, turning every aspect of their lives around in the process. It took a long time, but the radiance did return to Alex's face. By then he was a completely different person, and so were his parents.
When Horse Became Saw is an extraordinary account of Alex's regression and his family's search for answers, an invaluable guide through the obstacles and decisions faced by anyone in their situation. It beautifully paints the emotional world of a father who finds himself in the strange country of autism – and something of a stranger in his own country, whose government refused to fund the therapy his son so desperately needed.
Above all it enriches our understanding of those who are profoundly different yet have so much to give.
320 pages, Paperback
First published March 23, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
July 28, 2012
It feels heartless to say I thoroughly enjoyed this book, given the subject matter, but I did. Much of this due to Macris' writing style, and his self-analytical without being self-indulgent approach to describing the journey his family takes when his son begins to display symptoms of Autism. Some of it was simply due to the story's setting - I lived in the same suburbs, hung out in the same parks and shopping centres as the Macris' in the time the book was set, and the sense of Sydney's inner-ish-west pervades the book.
I would recommend the book to parents and friends of autistic spectrum kids, simply for the intelligent discussion of the treatment options and especially the ABA program. My only hesitation is that I think it could be a harrowing read for any parent. Macris captures perfectly the intensity of parental love, and the anguish of confronting the limits of how much you can protect and shape your child. Someone going through this may find it hard to bear.
I have autistic spectrum kids in my family, although none as severe as Alex, Macris' son, and the book's scathing indictment of the essential refusal of the public health system to support treatment of kids like Alex is a pretty familiar story. If parents like Anthony and Kathy can afford private therapy, that is pushed on them. If they can't, there kids are quietly written off. It costs a small fortune to treat Autism with the intensity recommended, and while the government has dramatically increased the funds available since the book was written, it's still frustratingly short of enough.
Much of the book's marketing focuses on the limited-means that the "downwardly mobile" anthony and Kathy have going in to the diagnosis. But, as Macris points out in his book, they ae only able to achieve what they can by drawing on the resources available to highly educated, upper-middle class people - the financial support of friends and family who have made less unconventional careers, and Macris' ability to get high paying work should he choose.
Macris' experiences also draw attention to how as a society, we have abrigated the care of special needs kids to their families alone. Anthony and Kathy both live with the dread that when they die, their son will be without love or care. A system which shoves all responsibility on to the family for therapy, treatment and care is also one which fails to build communities of love and support around special needs kids and their families. Instead, parents often find themselves retreating increasingly into a insular world - the play dates that are many young parents social bedrock become unbearably difficult; the time taken ensures mothers often leave the work force, losing those social connections. The families who most need a village are most cut off from it.
This book is a celebration of what parental love can achieve, but perhaps even more importantly, it is an indictment of the rest of us are failing to achieve, and what we expect parents to have to substitute for.
I would recommend the book to parents and friends of autistic spectrum kids, simply for the intelligent discussion of the treatment options and especially the ABA program. My only hesitation is that I think it could be a harrowing read for any parent. Macris captures perfectly the intensity of parental love, and the anguish of confronting the limits of how much you can protect and shape your child. Someone going through this may find it hard to bear.
I have autistic spectrum kids in my family, although none as severe as Alex, Macris' son, and the book's scathing indictment of the essential refusal of the public health system to support treatment of kids like Alex is a pretty familiar story. If parents like Anthony and Kathy can afford private therapy, that is pushed on them. If they can't, there kids are quietly written off. It costs a small fortune to treat Autism with the intensity recommended, and while the government has dramatically increased the funds available since the book was written, it's still frustratingly short of enough.
Much of the book's marketing focuses on the limited-means that the "downwardly mobile" anthony and Kathy have going in to the diagnosis. But, as Macris points out in his book, they ae only able to achieve what they can by drawing on the resources available to highly educated, upper-middle class people - the financial support of friends and family who have made less unconventional careers, and Macris' ability to get high paying work should he choose.
Macris' experiences also draw attention to how as a society, we have abrigated the care of special needs kids to their families alone. Anthony and Kathy both live with the dread that when they die, their son will be without love or care. A system which shoves all responsibility on to the family for therapy, treatment and care is also one which fails to build communities of love and support around special needs kids and their families. Instead, parents often find themselves retreating increasingly into a insular world - the play dates that are many young parents social bedrock become unbearably difficult; the time taken ensures mothers often leave the work force, losing those social connections. The families who most need a village are most cut off from it.
This book is a celebration of what parental love can achieve, but perhaps even more importantly, it is an indictment of the rest of us are failing to achieve, and what we expect parents to have to substitute for.
April 17, 2011
I really enjoyed this book. I have read many books on the topic, though not for a while, but it was interesting to read a book from an Australian perspective and as the circumstances of Alex's autisms sounded similar to that of my son's.
The book is about a family's journey for the first three years of their son, Alex's life. Alex for the first year or more did not exhibit any signs of autism, the opposite in fact, which is simislar to my son who talked, played soccer, was sociable etc up unitl almost 2 years of age. And then a rapid but subtle deterioration in speech, development and social skills took place.
Alex's dad discusses how this move into the world of autism affected his family which is similar for us, except that our son was not an only child at the time. Alex's dad talks about his findings of some of the much research he did in the early stages and of his frustration on the timeliness, quality and quantity of services which were available for his son. It still has not changed that much!
Alex's family decide to go down one path of therapy, which we did not pursue due to not being avaible where we are located and the cost is prohibitive, and it is great to see the successes he had, but I think we have achieved similar, but possibly we could have achieved more, then again we may have lost some too, as we had other children to consider as well.
Anyhow fascinating reading and I recommend it to any family who is going through the 'journey'.
The book is about a family's journey for the first three years of their son, Alex's life. Alex for the first year or more did not exhibit any signs of autism, the opposite in fact, which is simislar to my son who talked, played soccer, was sociable etc up unitl almost 2 years of age. And then a rapid but subtle deterioration in speech, development and social skills took place.
Alex's dad discusses how this move into the world of autism affected his family which is similar for us, except that our son was not an only child at the time. Alex's dad talks about his findings of some of the much research he did in the early stages and of his frustration on the timeliness, quality and quantity of services which were available for his son. It still has not changed that much!
Alex's family decide to go down one path of therapy, which we did not pursue due to not being avaible where we are located and the cost is prohibitive, and it is great to see the successes he had, but I think we have achieved similar, but possibly we could have achieved more, then again we may have lost some too, as we had other children to consider as well.
Anyhow fascinating reading and I recommend it to any family who is going through the 'journey'.
October 20, 2025
With the 1997 release of his acclaimed debut novel, Capital, Volume One, the first of a projected trilogy, followed by a series of literature board grants, Anthony Macris, then in his thirties, seemed destined for a fruitful career. His wife, Kathy, loved her work as a dancer. So the birth of their son in 2001 completed his happiness.
Since then, awareness of autism has grown. Those with the diagnosis now include climate activists, kingmakers, leading comedians and countless eloquent TEDx speakers. Though Macris wrote When Horse Became Saw: A Family’s Journey Through Autism after the topic rose to prominence, his heart-wrenching memoir about his young son’s regression portrays autism as it presented before diagnostic criteria broadened. And, though published in 2011, it dwells mainly on events occurring from 2002–06: before autism awareness, such as it is, exploded.
The journey Macris tracks begins with early signs; Alex is 15–18 months old. Initially advanced for his age, he then regresses so fast that at two, having lost words he once knew (hence the title), he receives a severe autism diagnosis. His parents must reorient their lives and dreams to afford treatment – a challenge Macris aptly frames in the context of noughties politics: ‘I could feel the hairs stand up on the backs of the bureaucrats’ necks at the very thought of this mounting groundswell of unmet human need.’
When Horse Became Saw ends with a summary of how far Alex has come by age nine – a testament to his parents’ love and dedication. Whatever his future prospects, the severe regression that confronted them far exceeds the abnormality reported by most of those with a late diagnosis.
The class for autistic kids at my primary school catered to a total of three pupils who grunted rather than spoke and fought against control. No way did they blend in, with their wild-eyed remoteness. Nor would they grow up to give rousing talks about self-discovery. I read this memoir because I hoped to learn about that kind of autism, not its high-functioning variants that take all the oxygen. And When Horse Became Saw did not disappoint.
Since then, awareness of autism has grown. Those with the diagnosis now include climate activists, kingmakers, leading comedians and countless eloquent TEDx speakers. Though Macris wrote When Horse Became Saw: A Family’s Journey Through Autism after the topic rose to prominence, his heart-wrenching memoir about his young son’s regression portrays autism as it presented before diagnostic criteria broadened. And, though published in 2011, it dwells mainly on events occurring from 2002–06: before autism awareness, such as it is, exploded.
While no one seemed to know what caused autism or how to treat it with any degree of predictability, it appeared we were in the middle of an epidemic. There were countless claims of a dramatic rise in the previous decade, usually from reputable sources, with an incidence of ‘one in a hundred’ cited by various organisations.
There were those who disagreed. There was no such epidemic, they argued, there was simply a higher level of awareness. Parents were better educated and more vigilant, there was greater public knowledge of mental illness in general, and thus a higher rate of diagnosis. Also, the rethinking of autism as a spectrum disorder with varying degrees of intensity meant that mild cases which had formerly gone undiagnosed were now added to the statistics. Regardless of what was causing the rise in reported cases, the fact remained that there was an alarmingly large number of people with autism who couldn’t look after themselves, who couldn’t be accommodated in the current mental health system, and whose needs, in the era of deinstitutionalisation, were so demanding they burnt out the families who cared for them.
And people with autism were expensive. Hideously so (p. 86).
The journey Macris tracks begins with early signs; Alex is 15–18 months old. Initially advanced for his age, he then regresses so fast that at two, having lost words he once knew (hence the title), he receives a severe autism diagnosis. His parents must reorient their lives and dreams to afford treatment – a challenge Macris aptly frames in the context of noughties politics: ‘I could feel the hairs stand up on the backs of the bureaucrats’ necks at the very thought of this mounting groundswell of unmet human need.’
When Horse Became Saw ends with a summary of how far Alex has come by age nine – a testament to his parents’ love and dedication. Whatever his future prospects, the severe regression that confronted them far exceeds the abnormality reported by most of those with a late diagnosis.
The class for autistic kids at my primary school catered to a total of three pupils who grunted rather than spoke and fought against control. No way did they blend in, with their wild-eyed remoteness. Nor would they grow up to give rousing talks about self-discovery. I read this memoir because I hoped to learn about that kind of autism, not its high-functioning variants that take all the oxygen. And When Horse Became Saw did not disappoint.
July 2, 2020
I found the storyline on the back of the book very interesting, but unfortunately could not really get into the book.
For me personally the book was written a bit too formal, kind of distant and I would have wished it would go more into depth of the feelings that were involved and more about the child’s development as well.
As this is written from a personal experience, the author might’ve deliberately chosen to write it in this formal, more scientific way to be able to cope with it better...as he describes his behavior in the book as well, to be able to help his son more efficiently.
Maybe the book picks up on emotions along the way (I stopped reading after chapter 5) and if so please let me know and I give it another go. I am sorry, but I could just not get into this style of writing.
For me personally the book was written a bit too formal, kind of distant and I would have wished it would go more into depth of the feelings that were involved and more about the child’s development as well.
As this is written from a personal experience, the author might’ve deliberately chosen to write it in this formal, more scientific way to be able to cope with it better...as he describes his behavior in the book as well, to be able to help his son more efficiently.
Maybe the book picks up on emotions along the way (I stopped reading after chapter 5) and if so please let me know and I give it another go. I am sorry, but I could just not get into this style of writing.
August 15, 2017
The author seems to be an entitled prat who is too caught up in how the government should be "fixing" his son with autism.
And while his experience and the experiences of his son are entirely valid, it left the reader with a certain perspective on what autism is, which isn't the reality for a lot of families with autistic family members.
And while his experience and the experiences of his son are entirely valid, it left the reader with a certain perspective on what autism is, which isn't the reality for a lot of families with autistic family members.
June 9, 2011
This is a good contemporary view of a Sydney family struggling for the best way to help their son with middle class wages and virtually no government help whatsoever. The services out there for people with autism and their families are virtually non-existent in Australia. Anthony remarks at the end of the book that there's more funding now for families than there was when Alex was first diagnosed, but it's still a bleak and lonely place out there with huge waiting lists and little constructive advice for anyone thrown headlong into navigating disability services for a young child. Even more worrying is that Alex and his family live in the largest city in Australia. It makes one think about all those families stuck out in smaller cities or rural areas, where finding a dentist or a GP is hard enough, let alone a speech pathologist or play therapist with experience dealing with autistic symptoms in children.
December 27, 2011
I struggled to stay with this book, not because it was poorly written, but because it was well written. Macris deftly accounts how their son, whom they thought they knew, changed before their eyes. It is a wrenching, almost exhausting, read at times. Hence the struggle. At others, it is uplifting.
There is one poignant moment where Macris describes Kathy, the Mother of their child and his life partner, in her sunglasses. As he shares this we glimpse a love between them that surmounts learning, financial hurdles and even simply the challenges of the daily grind.
If you know someone who is affected by autism, read this book.
There is one poignant moment where Macris describes Kathy, the Mother of their child and his life partner, in her sunglasses. As he shares this we glimpse a love between them that surmounts learning, financial hurdles and even simply the challenges of the daily grind.
If you know someone who is affected by autism, read this book.
March 17, 2016
I found I didn't enjoy the writing style or that over half the book was dedicated to the onset of Autism and how it affected the family rather than their approach. Great background information however dryly written.
Not a light or casual read.
Not a light or casual read.
April 25, 2011
This is a really beautiful journey of one family's experience with autism. While it gives great insight, it is only one account and every account can be different.
March 21, 2014
Too hard to rate! Life for some people is harder than most of us could ever imagine.
April 3, 2017
My sister recommended this as her lecturer wrote the book. It is an excellent read especially if you are Australian (or live in Sydney). It is also heartbreaking.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews