Look Me in the Eye: Old Women, Aging, and Ageism

by Barbara MacDonald, Cynthia Rich (Other Contributor)

"A beautiful, courageous, vulnerable book about the stage of life many women are exploring and all women eventually will encounter - if we're lucky." -- Robin Morgan

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Social Justice, Womens Studies

115 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1983

About the author

Barbara Anne Macdonald (nee Charles, September 11, 1913 – June 15, 2000) was a social worker, lesbian feminist and ageism activist. Macdonald believed that ageism was a "central feminist issue" and made it the core of her activism. At the time, she was a "lone voice" fighting against and talking about ageism. Macdonald felt that ageism divided women and that the stigma of aging became a trap. In addition, Macdonald felt that defining women by their familial roles was the central contributor to ageism. She felt that older women tend to be seen as caretakers and mother-figures instead of as individuals. Macdonald used her anger to fuel her activism and through her anger, she identified many aspects of age-related issues that affect older women, such as poverty, physical challenges caused by age, violence against older women, and health issues: all of which she felt were not adequately addressed by younger feminists. Macdonald's activism inspired the formation of the group Old Lesbians Organizing for Change, which works in the United States to fight ageism.

(from Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was looking for different book when I spotted this thin, unassuming volume by Barbara MacDonald with chapters by her partner Cynthia Rich, in the library stacks. Inside I found a voice so distinct and wise, so insightful, I was several times moved to tears. Barbara writes about growing older, about ageism, and the homophobia she endured throughout her life. She writes about the often conflicting desires to be yourself and to be accepted. "Difference is something we have all dealt with in our lives," she writes in the introduction. "That struggle to follow our impulse, our own uniqueness, to know aloneness; and that desire to be like everyone else--not to stand out, but to belong." What follows is a story of a woman finding her place with words in a world that denies her voice. Written in the 1970's and early '80's, this book is timeless. I wish everyone would read it!

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

These essays are very much contextualized in the second wave feminist women's movement in the US around 1980, which is noticeable in the language and explicit focus on gendered violence and exploitation, which today is certainly not irrelevant but expressed less starkly. Despite the slight alienation I felt at some of the language that was used, the personal reflections on aging and the perception of the self resonated with me, even at 27, and I am grateful for the insights that Macdonald's first essays especially provided. After all, a major point this book is trying to make is that age shouldn't divide us and that dismissing older women is to do ourselves a disservice as young people, since we too are aging and shall suffer our own dismissal when old. Having read a couple of lesbian feminist publication from this time, I cannot help but feel frustrated at how many of the issues addressed still plague us almost 40 years later, but I do see progress, however slight, and honour the passion and outrage of those who came before, as we would surely have not seen any change promoted by a more mild response. May it encourage me not to modulate my idealism and righteous anger in pursuit of continuing this legacy.

[isabellaB · Rating 5 out of 5]

“On my best days, I live deeply with the knowledge that my choices are narrowing but that all my life they were much more narrower when I bought into society’s denial of death.”

Now THIS is a collection of essays. Every one was moving and really maybe I haven’t read enough about ageism but the reflections in this collection were just lovely and so honest. And intersectional! I look forward to rereading this in the future.

[Ellyn Lem · Rating 3 out of 5]

After reading about this influential book in so many other people's research, I thought it was time to take a look myself. It is actually more of an anthology of essays and speeches that MacDonald and her partner Cynthia Rich wrote over a twenty-year period. With each edition, there have been added prefaces, afterwords, etc., so that "Look Me in the Eye" has almost a talmudic feel to it, commentary on commentary. Its important contribution is take fellow feminists to task for "othering" old people. The essays point out that one of the worst problem is the omission of age and ageism from gender studies. This problem is slowly being addressed, but many of MacDonald's claims that age is left off of syllabi that are concerned with other types of discrimination and inquiry still stand. While a few parts of the text seem "dated," MacDonald and co-author Rich have much to say this is still valid today. They don't want to see old women "fossilized" as "history markers," and instead, would like them seen in the present light. I also appreciated the section on the clothes that they make for older women and how the "dowdy" and "sexless" outfits contrast with options for men that can remain distinguished. This is also one of the few books that examine how NOT to treat lesbians as they age and what would be preferable. Eye-opening, then, on many fronts.

[Ietrio · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. I agree with the idea, but the thoughts are rather dim. It is not about power, it is about achievement. Women don't need power. Some women, especially those that are politically engaged do need power. But women in general have much more wants and desires than power. And this seems to be one of those shallow, militant books. Education, career, a life lived for self and not given away through sacrifice.

I think I would have liked the book if it were a journal or a biography. Not pointing fingers at imaginary evils, but rather an inward contemplation of the experience of life.

[Cate Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely marvellous. Some classic, old-school radical feminism.

[Cate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not read the extended version but couldn't find the original version so I'm logging this. Very eye opening to issues I didn't really know were there. Gonna go call my grandma