Your Eight Year Old: Lively and Outgoing

by Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. Ilg, Carol C. Haber

The eight-year-old child is an exuberant,  outgoing bundle of energy; he meets every challenge  head-on, willing to try almost anything. Sometimes  parents are amazed at the enthusiasm and excitement  with which their child greets the  world.



However, eight is also a time when the child  begins to do a great deal of analyzing and  evaluating, finding fault in himself and  others--especially Mohter. How do parents help an eight-year-old  through this up-and-down age? What should parents  expect in their relationships with the child and  how can life in the family be made easier? What  will the child's relationship with friends and  siblings be like? In the successful tradition of the  Gesell institute series, Your  Eight-Year-Old is a well-researched, highly  accessible guide.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

160 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 1989

About the author

Louise Bates Ames was an American psychologist specializing in child development.[1] Ames was known as a pioneer of child development studies, introducing the theory of child development stages to popular discourse. Ames authored numerous internationally renowned books on the stages of child development, hosted a television show on child development, and co-founded the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, CT.

Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not the best in this series, but every time I read one of these I realize I have not failed parenting and what my kids are doing is developmentally appropriate. Happy to read age 8 is a long equilibrium phase.

[Lee Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another in the series of age-based parenting books. Much like when I read Your Seven Year Old last year, I found the facts interesting--apparently, my eight year old will both cling to and fight with me, while doting on her father, this year--and the book itself desperately in need of an update for the 2000s.

[Shayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Out dated, dumbed down, and sexist; but ultimately worth the read for some good info on typical 8 year olds, especially in regards to coping behavior.

[Martha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't finish this book, so take the review with a grain of salt, but it seemed to me to be largely made up of generalizations that probably don't apply to a large percentage of kids--for instance, saying that kids at a certain age will be outgoing. I suppose even shy kids might be a little more outgoing at certain ages than others, but I'm not sure I buy this. Also, there's some quasi-scientific stuff about how different body types--endomorph, ectomorph, and mesomorph--will act. A bit dated and sexist, too.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great book in the series of parenting books for all ages. I am always amazed that even though these books were written a while ago and are understandably a little outdated in research (in this case I think the book if written today would include discussions of dyslexia, autism, Asperger's and ADHD), its fundamental observations of children still apply. It is reassuring to me to read about certain behaviors I see from my children and know that they are normal.

[Monique · Rating 4 out of 5]

You just can't beat this series of books for the simple, direct and immediately usable information they impart. Every time I read one I have several "aha!" moments where I feel I have just been vindicated or learn that my daughter's behavior is not such a mystery after all -it's totally normal.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

These books are always helpful, although they seem less so the older the kids get. I picked up a couple good tips about what's going in my eight-year-old's head so it was definitely worth the time.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll still keep reading these as long as I can get my hands on a copy, but as my kids get older, the influence of the time period in which they were written becomes more evident.

Key takeaways of common eight year old behavior - a more expansive age; very talkative and attached to Mom; hypercritical of their performance and because of that, desirous for approval and praise, especially from adults; growing sense of responsibility, especially with completing household chores independently; better visual acuity - can copy from the board in class more easily now

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is extremely dated, with descriptions of child development and behavior that do not align with current standards, especially with regard to gender identity, nutrition, family structures, etc. There are a few glimmers of insight about an eight year old’s motor skills, relationship with their parents, and cognitive / academic abilities that are helpful, but they’re overshadowed by significantly flawed information that comprises the majority of the book.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book starts with some great insights about the development and concerns of a typical 8-year-old, and this has helped us understand our first and only child. But then it devolves into some really old-fashioned thinking about gender norms, body types, family structure and all kinds of BS. No wonder it's out of print!

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just love her parenting philosophy. Sadly this book was way out of date, often times hilariously so. I still found it interesting and it was at least quick, but I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone who needs serious parenting help.

[Christie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is out of date in many ways but incredibly helpful to understanding the development of an 8 year old. I particularly love that it’s light on the parenting advice, focusing instead on a general understanding of this stage of development.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is outdated, heteronormative, sexist, and useful. I would love to see this series updated by a developmentalist, but it would be career suicide in 2022 so I keep reading these old ones each year because they provide anachronistic insight into the world of children at this age.

[colin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was fine for confirming my kid is “normal.” But outdated.

[Jena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful as always

[Mary Torpey · Rating 3 out of 5]

just as helpful/hilarious as all the others.

[Maryam Ghatee · Rating 2 out of 5]

The family structure in this book is outdated even for for the 1980s when it was first published. Provided some insight about the eight year old’s mind and attitude.

[Purplenixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This series of books was cute and informative. I read them when I was having difficulty relating to the twins, to help me understand their development.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read. Broad based behavior categorizations are useful to determine a baseline, but time have changed significantly from when this book was written and it is very dated.

[Shannon Bowie Persha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Their series is wonderful, while dated it ultimately feels like I’m reading My kids diary. It is so eerily accurate that it makes me feel less alone as a parent faced with challenges.

[Jessica Stewart · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sexist AF. You will roll your eyes many times. Ugh. I only finished it for some mediocre information about my 8-year-old, but not sure it was worth it.

[Kendra Carlson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Outdated, but if you take the concepts broadly, informative and even reassuring. Not a recommended read for gender-expansive families, thus the two stars.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy read to baseline on child development and milestones for 8 yr olds. I read the series for the content and gloss over the dated societal commentary.

[Dion · Rating 3 out of 5]

This series is always insightful.

This particular one is not as enjoyable as previous ones. Still worth the read.

[Marcia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I usually enjoy these books more. This one I felt to be very light on actual developmental milestones and had more letters to the authors than content.

[Shoshanah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Several years ago I started reading these books for each of my children’s current age. With my daughter’s birthday last month, it was the perfect time to read Your Eight-Year-Old: Lively and Outgoing by Louise Bates Ames and Carol Chase Haber.

Interestingly, since this is one of the more recently published (1989 compared to many in the 70s), it felt the most outdated. There’s so much discussion about the differences between boys and girls or learning disabilities that felt a little uncomfortable reading now. Even a letter from a mother discussing how her husband is forcing their daughter to use her right hand for writing, even repeating homework already done with the left.

There are also some aspects where it feels like we’ve gone backwards, where it talks about an 8-year-old being able to take a bus or navigate through the city on their own. It’s definitely a bit of a different world now.

I was amused at one point when Cabbage Patch dolls were mentioned and how they’ve even becoming more popular than Barbie and Ken. Or when favorite tv shows mentioned include Thundercats, Muppet Babies, and Wuzzles. There is a list of books for 8-year-olds in the back, so many of which are still popular and others I’m intrigued about.

If you’re reading these all like I’ve been, there’s no reason not to read this one as well. But if you’re curious about what these books are like, trying to understand a bit more of child development, I probably wouldn’t start with year eight.

3.5/5

[Dolly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a short book that outlines the typical personality characteristics and quirks that defines the eight-year-old child. So far, in my limited experience, it's fairly spot on and it highlighted to me the cyclical nature of child development, where children drift in and out of inwardized behavior and outwardized behavior as well as shifts in disequilibrium and equilibrium.

While not all situations or behaviors will fit every child, it is still a good guide for what to expect. As it was first written in 1989, some of the technology and current event references are hopelessly out of date and the photographs are more nostalgic than anything. But it's a decent, quick read, and provides me with some reassurances about the changing nature of our oldest's behavior (and why it's perfectly age appropriate.)

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great series of books. If you can overlook some of the old-fashioned things in the book, you can really gain a lot of information about what to expect from your child at each age. The funny thing that surprised me in this book was a letter where a mom complained about her daughter's lack of neatness but admitted that she didn't expect her son to be neat and cleaned up after him all the time. So, not the way of the 21st century! I'd love to see an addition on computer and video games since this is not really addressed in this book. Otherwise, a great gem and a quick read for all you parents of eight-year-olds.

[ayesha akhtar · Rating 4 out of 5]

excellent, as usual. i wish the educators at my children's school would read this. eight year old's struggle for independence and the balance between self-reliance and letting go of mom. The author states 8's have the most difficult relationship with mom ever, and that a smooth relationship with dad can help get to 9. i always refer to this series, as my children have demonstrated behavior, attitudes and habits that are spot on with Dr Ames' research! only reason why it's not 5 stars is that it hasn't been updated.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was pretty good, though sort of out of date (written back in the 70/80's and my illustrations were original to the book). But it does prove that children are the same, whether it's the 1980's or the 2000's. Interesting reading, though slightly dull - glad I never decided to be a child development major! I did find out that much of what my son is doing is perfectly normal to his age. I would recommend this series to any parent.