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Christlike Parenting: Taking the Pain Out of Parenting
By improving the way we, as parents, interact with our children, we can improve their behavior. Thus the importance of "being of good cheer"; of what we say and how we say it; of creating a safe, noncoercive environment in the home where children are taught not only good behavior but also good values. Dr. Latham's suggestions are simple, scriptural, and amazingly effective. Parents have used his unique combination of Christian principles and behavioral science to handle everything from backtalk and profanity to children who threaten violence - and the results have been described as miraculous.
221 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1999
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 210 reviews
December 4, 2010
I liked and didn't like this book. There were some definite things about his logic that I didn't agree with. For example he doesn't agree with any type of coercion he thinks that natural consequences should apply. In the book he talks about a possible violent child, he doesn't think that you should do anything but state that you will call the police if the child becomes violent and then only defend yourself and ask the child to go to his bedroom until he calms down. Well if the child becomes violent and the police do come what, the police will use the threat of violence (guns, batons, etc) to get the child to come with them. Isn't that coercion? Another example of a young child who bites his mother the author states that the mother should just walk away therefore depriving the child of any attention, not practical and in my experiance doesn't work, what if you are at the store or a thousand other places that it isn't safe to just leave a child. I feel age appropiate discipline would work better at least in my case. He defintely states that "physical violence" isn't Christlike and that it may solve something temporarly but only makes things worse in the long term. He quotes several scriptures to back that up. I agree most of he time but believe that at times more than just ignoring the behavior is needed. There are several scripture references to "violent" acts such as when Nephi cut off Labins head to save a nation. Now don't think I am in any way advocating killing of any kind, just pointing out what I feel are his problems with his logic.
What I liked is I believe that everyone can become a better parent work on showing more love kindness and charity to different members of are family. He kept the book very Christian instead or LDS and I thought that was great and hope other people are inspired to be better parents by following Christ's example. He advocated more prayer always a plus. One thing I have tried to implement each night from reading this book is to tell each of my kids how much I love them and then recognize something they did that I thought was good such as put away their toys and tell them thank you. I would and plan to read it again since it did contain huge amounts of information. I also would recommend it.
Last the dialogue between charactors in his examples are really really cheesy and I think would just upset a already upset teenager more but that is just my opinion since I don't have teenagers. Happy parent reading!
What I liked is I believe that everyone can become a better parent work on showing more love kindness and charity to different members of are family. He kept the book very Christian instead or LDS and I thought that was great and hope other people are inspired to be better parents by following Christ's example. He advocated more prayer always a plus. One thing I have tried to implement each night from reading this book is to tell each of my kids how much I love them and then recognize something they did that I thought was good such as put away their toys and tell them thank you. I would and plan to read it again since it did contain huge amounts of information. I also would recommend it.
Last the dialogue between charactors in his examples are really really cheesy and I think would just upset a already upset teenager more but that is just my opinion since I don't have teenagers. Happy parent reading!
September 1, 2011
I have mixed feelings about this book. I almost need to read it again to reevaluate my first impressions of the it. I did not find it to be a completely engaging read. I found myself skimming some of the dialogue, which I found to be a little cheesy and unrealistic. I actually found myself chuckling as I read some of the scenarios and solutions and even found myself saying aloud a few times "This would never work!" However, imagine my surprise as I encorporated some of the ideas into my parenting and found that they worked . . . even the cheesy dialogue! This book contains some very sound principles and I appreciated the insightful perspective on how to ways to parent in a more Christlike way.
March 9, 2020
This book was first published 21 years ago. If I'd read it back then it would have terrified me because of some of the scenarios he illustrates. I have since parented and survived through even worse examples than are shown in the book. Yeah, in some ways I wish I'd read it sooner, but the ideas are still potentially helpful for my current situation of parenting an older teenager and young adults.
Our world has become much more complicated and challenging for parents since 1999. Evil is even more pervasive and relentless. Cell phones have changed everything. Even so, many ideas in this book are potentially helpful if approached in the spirit in which they are given. Trying to emulate Christ is a timeless idea. Despite it's overly simple approach to an ever more difficult parenting world, this book's ideas have exceeded my expectations.
I like that the author shares potential dialogs, even though I don't like how he addresses the child as "Son" or how he sounds a little condescending at times. I like that the scriptures he shares are all from the Bible so that the wider Christian world might see their worth. I like that he quotes famous religious leaders. I like that he quotes modern day prophets and apostles, though he doesn't state that's what they are. He doesn't name his religious beliefs though they're clearly from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He's trying to reach out to parents who are believers and followers of Jesus Christ, not just to one denomination.
I like that he encourages parents to be happy; to not beat themselves up with guilt; to not revile against their children (sometimes stay silent or walk away); to not use coercive techniques (no violence, lecturing, manipulation, preaching, or reasoning); to create a place where children feel loved, wanted, and safe; to use natural consequences instead of punishments; to not give up (don't kick your teenager out of the house); and to reinforce the positive rather than reinforce the negative. When in doubt, think about the way Jesus Christ treated people.
I want to remember his formula for setting up choices which he models after the encounter between the Lord and Adam and Eve. It's probably the most important reminder from the book:
"1. Parents must first teach children what they can do.
2. Parents state their expectations of their children.
3. Parents clearly state the consequences that can/will be 'earned.'
4. Parents allow children to make choices.
5. Parents let the consequences of these choices speak for themselves."
This book has helped me want to give more positive reinforcement, to keep my emotions under control during challenges with my children, to leave the responsibility of consequences firmly on the children's shoulders, and to make our home an emotionally safer place where my children and grandchildren feel loved and where they want to be.
I don't think anything can possibly take "the pain out of parenting" like the title says, but this book certainly has ideas that help manage and reduce the agony.
Our world has become much more complicated and challenging for parents since 1999. Evil is even more pervasive and relentless. Cell phones have changed everything. Even so, many ideas in this book are potentially helpful if approached in the spirit in which they are given. Trying to emulate Christ is a timeless idea. Despite it's overly simple approach to an ever more difficult parenting world, this book's ideas have exceeded my expectations.
I like that the author shares potential dialogs, even though I don't like how he addresses the child as "Son" or how he sounds a little condescending at times. I like that the scriptures he shares are all from the Bible so that the wider Christian world might see their worth. I like that he quotes famous religious leaders. I like that he quotes modern day prophets and apostles, though he doesn't state that's what they are. He doesn't name his religious beliefs though they're clearly from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He's trying to reach out to parents who are believers and followers of Jesus Christ, not just to one denomination.
I like that he encourages parents to be happy; to not beat themselves up with guilt; to not revile against their children (sometimes stay silent or walk away); to not use coercive techniques (no violence, lecturing, manipulation, preaching, or reasoning); to create a place where children feel loved, wanted, and safe; to use natural consequences instead of punishments; to not give up (don't kick your teenager out of the house); and to reinforce the positive rather than reinforce the negative. When in doubt, think about the way Jesus Christ treated people.
I want to remember his formula for setting up choices which he models after the encounter between the Lord and Adam and Eve. It's probably the most important reminder from the book:
"1. Parents must first teach children what they can do.
2. Parents state their expectations of their children.
3. Parents clearly state the consequences that can/will be 'earned.'
4. Parents allow children to make choices.
5. Parents let the consequences of these choices speak for themselves."
This book has helped me want to give more positive reinforcement, to keep my emotions under control during challenges with my children, to leave the responsibility of consequences firmly on the children's shoulders, and to make our home an emotionally safer place where my children and grandchildren feel loved and where they want to be.
I don't think anything can possibly take "the pain out of parenting" like the title says, but this book certainly has ideas that help manage and reduce the agony.
September 15, 2020
I love this book. I have read loads of parenting books and this one seemed to speak to me the best.
May 30, 2009
Upon my first reading, I didn't believe it would work. Simply be a better person, Christlike and smiling? Kindly repeat requests? Don't wallow in my parenting mistakes? I gave it a go to see what might happen. And . .
It transformed my parenting. It requires occasional re-reading. I can't recommend highly enough. It has taught be to teach by values constantly and love, love, love. Thanks to my husband for the great gift.
It transformed my parenting. It requires occasional re-reading. I can't recommend highly enough. It has taught be to teach by values constantly and love, love, love. Thanks to my husband for the great gift.
February 11, 2015
This is a scripturally based perspective of things I learned from Dr. Latham's book The Power of Positive Parenting. They both teach good principles and techniques for parents and any person that interacts with any other person really. I'm always glad for the reminder and squirm when I come across my own bad habits illustrated in the book.
June 9, 2008
BEST parenting book I've ever read. Gives you a completely new perspective and outlook on parenting and helps you relate to your children in a Christ-like manner. Appropriate for all ages, but espcially helpful for parents of teens.
March 4, 2015
I thought this had some great insight into parenting. I love his ideas about how our attitudes really do affect our children (ain't mom happy, ain't nobody happy). This was something I really needed to read at this very moment.
June 13, 2010
Great book, just geared more towards parents with older children (teenagers), however, I can still apply a lot to our 4 year old and use it for FUTURE reference. Great read
December 13, 2021
Reading this book feels like it’s bringing my parenting full circle. It was published when I was in the thick of high school, and so many of the examples remind me of the shouting matches I had with my parents. Maybe they would have benefitted from this counsel at the time.
In some ways the book shows its age. Some example are humorously dated. (I can’t imagine a police department caring if you call in to tell them your kid hit you.) Some examples just feel a little out of touch. (Slamming on working mothers seems to finally be taboo in our faith in 2021.) And some passages are hateful and callous. (LGBT issues).
Some of the council is hilariously simplistic.
Child: Can I drive the car to xxx (inappropriate) movie?
Parent: You can drive the car, but not to that movie.
—-Because clear expectations were set, somehow child doesn’t even consider pretending to drive the car somewhere else & then going to the intended movie.—-
Does this work on kids?
Certainly there is some advice that I’ve found helpful, especially reminds to show love and give praise and see the good in your kids. And I’ll probably read it again, because these are reminders I need often.
In some ways the book shows its age. Some example are humorously dated. (I can’t imagine a police department caring if you call in to tell them your kid hit you.) Some examples just feel a little out of touch. (Slamming on working mothers seems to finally be taboo in our faith in 2021.) And some passages are hateful and callous. (LGBT issues).
Some of the council is hilariously simplistic.
Child: Can I drive the car to xxx (inappropriate) movie?
Parent: You can drive the car, but not to that movie.
—-Because clear expectations were set, somehow child doesn’t even consider pretending to drive the car somewhere else & then going to the intended movie.—-
Does this work on kids?
Certainly there is some advice that I’ve found helpful, especially reminds to show love and give praise and see the good in your kids. And I’ll probably read it again, because these are reminders I need often.
April 9, 2019
i was especially drawn to Dr. Latham’s methods of parenting which avoid coercion and focus on providing moral agency for children. the scenarios he details- which include dialogue- and the personal stories he tells of his clients’ experiences solidify the particulars of his message. this book helped me to see that it is possible to teach while still maintaining a positive countenance and being empathetic. Dr. Latham showed how important it is to have a plan and commitment to how you will parent so anger does not draw you off course. viewing discipline from Christ’s perspective reminded me how important Christ’s perspective is in all of family life.
April 15, 2019
A few take homes from this one that have me thinking in terms of my current parenting challenges.
Use “natural consequences” as much as possible. In some cases, this means ignoring certain behaviors.
Help children earn privileges with their positive behavior.
Find ways to discipline that are instructive, rather than merely punitive, and help the child see that connection.
Make statements that encourage moving toward positive behavior, rather than simply away from negative behavior.
Be empathetic, calm, consistent and direct in your responses.
Work as hard at enjoying your children as you do worrying about them.
And finally, today is not forever—maintain hope.
Use “natural consequences” as much as possible. In some cases, this means ignoring certain behaviors.
Help children earn privileges with their positive behavior.
Find ways to discipline that are instructive, rather than merely punitive, and help the child see that connection.
Make statements that encourage moving toward positive behavior, rather than simply away from negative behavior.
Be empathetic, calm, consistent and direct in your responses.
Work as hard at enjoying your children as you do worrying about them.
And finally, today is not forever—maintain hope.
March 17, 2019
Ooof, I did not like this book. It smacked of the heavy handed Christianty/Mormonism of the 80s/90s. It was "holier than thou" in the most teeth-grinding way possible.
So much of the sample language was brutally condescending. Rather than chasing stories down to the primary sources, the author cited Newsweek, CNN, and Eye in America.
However. I really appreciated the chapter on praying as a family and for your family. The book might be worth it just for that. I also appreciated (and incorporated) his suggestion for setting expectations for kids and letting them know that when they don't meet those expectations they are taking away their own privileges.
If you decide to read it you will likely come away with some valuable information. But brace yourself for the tone.
So much of the sample language was brutally condescending. Rather than chasing stories down to the primary sources, the author cited Newsweek, CNN, and Eye in America.
However. I really appreciated the chapter on praying as a family and for your family. The book might be worth it just for that. I also appreciated (and incorporated) his suggestion for setting expectations for kids and letting them know that when they don't meet those expectations they are taking away their own privileges.
If you decide to read it you will likely come away with some valuable information. But brace yourself for the tone.
July 23, 2020
This book has made me feel empowered to speak and interact with a children in a Christlike way. It has inspired me to fill my home with love and happiness. The parenting style feels
"right" to me. It's not sarcastic or coercive; it's a way to parent with love and respect.
I do have one disclaimer: in the beginning of the book there are a few places where someone who does not believe in a "traditional family structure" may feel offended. I felt the language was harsh and the same things could have been said with more love. Other than that, I would recommend it to any Christian.
"right" to me. It's not sarcastic or coercive; it's a way to parent with love and respect.
I do have one disclaimer: in the beginning of the book there are a few places where someone who does not believe in a "traditional family structure" may feel offended. I felt the language was harsh and the same things could have been said with more love. Other than that, I would recommend it to any Christian.
March 29, 2023
I really loved the principles taught in this. Such an enlightening book. That said, I felt like the author was really patronizing. A lot of the way he said things or scripts he suggested just seemed so.... Patronizing. I also would read other more recent books that focus a bit more on being genuine. I couldn't reconcile that with all the suggestions in this book. But I would highly recommend this book, just with the instruction to look past how things are said and look more at the information which is helpful.
March 11, 2024
There was a lot I liked about this book and know I will be pulling it out every couple years to review my highlights. Mostly geared towards older children, but good prep if you have younger kids and has some things you can implement for them. It is very outdated with today’s culture. Some of the example dialogues were so cheesy and had my husband and I laughing, and others had me even bugged with how the parent spoke! Really don’t think some of the verbiage would work with kids now days. Overall, glad I read it and would love an updated version of this book. Has some very good points.
August 1, 2017
My son is only 3 and there have already been so many times that I have been completely at a loss or felt helpless to his behaviors (first time Mom over here 🙋🏻) This book has given me so many tools to use when dealing with undesirable behavior and, more importantly as I've learned, good behavior! Not only have I already seen a massive difference in his behavior, I am experiencing so much more joy in parenting my kids!
January 21, 2025
Thought-provoking but a bit cheesy, and better suited to school-age kids and teenagers than littles. I didn’t agree with everything in the book, and the extensive rabbit trails about violence and runaway teens seemed out of place in a book aimed at Christian parents in general, but he changed the way I view a few things. The gist is this: would Christ talk to/discipline/praise/pray for/guide my child the way I do?
January 22, 2018
I was recommended this book through a past college course and finally got around to reading it. I’ve read many other books on parenting but I think this was my favorite. This book would make a good parent better and can help the struggling parent find peace. All religious associations aside, this book is a great parent resource.
September 25, 2021
An amazing book to learn how to be a better parent in general. There were lots of tears shed while reading this book but I have hope that when I do my best to apply these principles my home will be safer and my children will grow up to be independent adults that fully understand what is expected of them.
February 9, 2022
I haven't totally read it from cover to cover, however this is loaded with amazing advice and concepts on parenting.
My favorite was how to "ignore the noise" from teenagers and how to state expectations without fighting with the child and giving the child time to comply.
I should revisit this book to learn more now that I've grown more as a parent too.
My favorite was how to "ignore the noise" from teenagers and how to state expectations without fighting with the child and giving the child time to comply.
I should revisit this book to learn more now that I've grown more as a parent too.
February 21, 2018
Truly enjoyed the concepts presented in this book. I have always felt a connection with behavioral therapy. As a behavioral science major myself, I found so many of these concepts applicable in the home and in my work with youth. Helping our children understand consequences and behaviors and seeing past the mouse have helped me to love my children better, especially as our family engages the teenage years.
August 14, 2019
What is the most interesting thing you’ve ever done?
Have children
If you want your children to behave well pay attention to them when they are behaving well. 10 minutes a day. On the regular rotation. Parenting books.
The skill parents must learn is to smile, not frown.
Have children
If you want your children to behave well pay attention to them when they are behaving well. 10 minutes a day. On the regular rotation. Parenting books.
The skill parents must learn is to smile, not frown.
November 20, 2019
There's some things in the beginning of the book that I don't think are necessary for this type of book. In the time that it has taken me to read it, my parenting has changed for the better. I plan on rereading it to keep the ideas fresh in my mind.
June 15, 2020
The best parenting book I’ve ever read. I will be re-reading this every few years to stay on track. So many natural parenting paths we fall into are different than what Christ would do. There is a better way!
September 5, 2022
Best parenting book I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot! Dr. Latham knows exactly what he is talking about. When I remain calm and parent with love, the response is received so well from my boys. Can’t wait to continue to Christlike parent and to reap the rewards in my home!
December 24, 2023
Great parenting book for believers and non-believers. Some ideas I had already seen in “How to Talk so that Kids Listen”, but I found out a lot of new things. Very helpful for the relationship with turbulent teenagers.
April 6, 2019
Wonderful.
July 15, 2019
I want to read it again already. Such a great way to think about parenting.
July 17, 2020
Full of great advice, mostly because it helps contextualize the scriptures as a manual for parenting, and heaven knows we need all the help we can get.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 210 reviews