The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us

by Jeffrey Kluger

A senior writer at Time magazine explores what scientists and researchers are discovering about sibling bonds, the longest- lasting relationships we have in our lives. Nobody affects us as deeply as our brothers and sisters-not parents, not children, not friends. From the time we-and they-are born, our siblings are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to, how to conduct friendships and when to walk away. Our siblings are the only people we know who truly qualify as partners for life. In this groundbreaking book, renowned science writer Jeffrey Kluger explores the complex world of siblings in a way that is equal parts science, psychology, sociology, and memoir. Based heavily on new and emerging research, The Sibling Effect examines birth order, twin studies, genetic encoding of behavioral traits, emotional disorders and their effects on-and effects from-sibling relationships, and much more. With his signature insight and humor, Kluger takes big ideas about siblings and turns them into smart, accessible writing that will help anyone understand the importance of siblings in our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Parenting, Sociology, Science, Family, Relationships

320 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Jeffrey Kluger is Editor at Large at Time, where he has written more than 45 cover stories. Coauthor of Lost Moon: The Perilous Voyage of Apollo 13, which was the basis for the movie Apollo 13, he is also the author of 13 other books including his latest book Gemini: Stepping Stone to the Moon, the Untold Story.

Reviews

[O_susannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

So I wanted to like this book a lot better than I ended up actually liking it. I'm really interested in sibling dynamics, especially in the effects of birth order. And he definitely talks about these things. But the book, to me, tried to be too many things at once. It tried to cover too much ground, it tried in many ways to be a "how-to" book on blending families, raising kids, etc., and it tried to be academic, but failed because it was overly anecdotal at the expense of academic-ness.

Obviously any study of sibling relationships will rely on anecdotes, but it seemed like the author would pick something that had only sort of been supported by a study that isn't totally accepted anyway, and would cite some vague example from his own childhood, and then be like, "So that seems to support the findings." He spent a lot of time talking about his own (awful) childhood, which was interesting, but wasn't really what I wanted in this particular book.

Really, I wanted the book to be much more scientific, and I wanted it to go into more detail in places where it didn't. For example (and this will be vague because I read the book awhile ago, and quickly, and don't have it anymore), I remember that he talked about the various advantages that oldest children seem to have--the IQ boost from teaching their younger siblings, etc. And he also briefly mentioned the resentment felt by displaced older siblings upon the arrival of a younger sibling, and sort of mentioned ranges of age difference where that is more or less a problem. But I wanted a lot more detail, and it never happened.

It's possible that the problem, for me, is in large part that the author is a middle child and came at his book from that perspective. As an oldest child, I wanted to hear more about my plight, not my advantages! Acknowledge my suffering! (He does acknowledge it somewhat).

I didn't hate the book or anything; I was just left unsatisfied by it because I expected it to be something that it's not.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Save yourself time and read The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are instead.
It isn't that The Sibling Effect doesn't have merit. It tries. But unfortunately, as this review points out, it tries too much.
It tries for an overview of sociological studies on siblings, but fails to deliver on the academic side of things. It tries for a memoir about growing up with 3 brothers and the addition of step-siblings and half-siblings, but undercuts it with a myriad of other topics. It tries for a collection of antidotal stories, but its desire to draw overarching conclusions from those stories hamstrings any real credibility.
The book emerges as a mess of random statistics, evolutionary psychology, and shoehorned generalities frequently undercut a paragraph or two later.
But to be fair, it was an easy, fast read and I did enjoy it, if nothing else as for a measuring rod for my own experience with four younger siblings. It aims ambitiously. It just fails to pick a landing spot.

[Jt O'Neill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always defined myself, in part, by my place in my family. I am the fifth child in a family of nine siblings and the first daughter of two daughters. My sister is the eighth child in the family and we are separated by 7 years. Our parents were married at the close of WW2 and we grew up under the strong influence of the Catholic Church. Our parents remained married until my dad's death in 1996 so there were no step siblings or half siblings involved in my life.

My sibs shaped who I am in ways that I can only imagine. I know their impact on who I am today was huge and, frankly, they remain the most influential people in my life. They matter to me. Growing up, I counted on them for companionship, for guidance, for goofiness, for friendship. Who they are now and the struggles and joys of their lives today matter to me a great deal.

My sister, who shares my outlook on family, gave me this book for my birthday and I found it to be an absorbing read. Really, there were no surprises in it but it was enjoyable to read and to relate to the families referenced. The author, Jeffrey Kluger, grew up as the second child in a family of four boys (which later expanded to include two half siblings and a step sibling). His childhood seemed so much more tumultuous than mine but his observations and documentation of siblings, in general, are interesting to me. Chapters include discussions of birth order, how families change (the family I was born into is not the same family that my oldest brother, my youngest brother, or my sister, or any of my siblings were born into),
the presence and consequences of favoritism in families, siblings raising siblings, and the ties that bind siblings during the adult years.

I know my brothers and sister would agree that we were fortunate to have each other. There was support, comfort, and companionship in numbers. I know that there were times when we each "got lost in the shuffle" and I suspect that the sheer volume of noise and personalities overwhelmed me and at least some, if not all, of my sibs (not to mention the 'rents). It was easy to be overlooked and to stay quiet to avoid being seen when you didn't want to be seen. It was also easy to hide in the shadow of a sibling or to delight in the friendship of a sibling.

My siblings are the people who have known me the longest. They grew up with me, through little kidhood, adolescence, marriages, child rearing, and who will continue to stand with me at funerals until, sadly, there is only one standing. We watched each other make choices in life and play them out. I suspect one of the surprises of my later life might be the connections I continue to grow with my brothers and my sister.

As I noted, Mr. Kluger's book doesn't really hold new information for me. I've lived his book and maybe that's why I found it interesting. Maybe you will too.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

So far my entirely unscientific conclusion from this pseudo-scientific book is that if you want to give your offspring equal chances at success and happiness you should either have just one(no division of parental resources) or 4+ (division so great no one is favored over any other). As a parent of 3 I am not sure i can glean much of help here(I suspect trying to subvert the age old sociological constructs that underpin sibling relationships might be a task beyond me), but I find the book very readable and interesting nevertheless.

Also it appears the author was raised by heinous parents straight out of Mad Men- abuse, alcoholism, bitter divorce, drug addiction, a babysitter who gives the youngest BARBITUATES to make him sleep, it is all rather mind-boggling to my Waldorf-parenting Berkeley self. I also don't have a favorite child, though he insists that all parents are unconsciously biologically motivated to have one. I find my children equally exasperating and adorable in turns, and as such they take turns being the "good" one , which means the most flexible, agreeable one who sleeps the best and eats without complaining about it. But perhaps as they get older some biological imperative will overtake me and I will arbitrarily choose a favorite.

[Guillermo Jiménez · Rating 2 out of 5]

Creo que el título puede ser un tanto engañoso, pues Kluger lo que termina haciendo es un compendio de notas de divulgación científica (sin mucho rigor, o casi nulo, puesto que no hay referencias bibliográficas) al respecto de la complejidad, y de cómo cualquier problema que nos rodea como especie, mundo y universo, está estrechamente relacionado con los vínculos entre lo simple y lo complejo: simplejidad.

Luego, parece que termina siendo un comercial desmesurado para el Santa Fe Institute, y un breve homenaje para su cofundador, Murray Gell-Mann. Que, no está mal. Es un libro especie de esos para leer en el aeropuerto, en las salas de espera de algo prolongado, o por simple curiosidad.

El problema es que ya caducó en algunos aspectos que toca. Por otro lado, tiene un buen par de anécdotas de carácter histórico/médico, o con cuestiones de salud.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book. It was pretty simplistic. The author grew up in a family with four boys, so maybe he didn't realize how much gender also plays a role in families and how siblings relate to each other. He had a whole chapter on the effect of birth order on siblings and how they relate to each other and their parents. I felt that by not even acknowledging that gender can also play a role in these kinds of things, he missed a huge opportunity.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh, I'm throwing in the towel on this one - it just wasn't scholarly enough for me (ok, it wasn't scholarly at all!). Sure, the author reported on an assortment of sibling studies done (not that he cited his sources) but then he followed it up with how it applied to his own family.

And worst of all, he'd top it all off by using some celebrity or another to model the research. I find no value whatsoever in reading anecdotal evidence based on the public persona of various celebrities. Maybe the author thought this would make the research come alive for his audience, but I just found it lacking in scientific rigor.

I am going to guess, however, that there are other books that have tackled the topic in a more scholarly way and I'll look forward to the time I'll spend reading them!

[Miss Clark · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow, this quotes a lot of research, studies and personal incidents to draw conclusions like birth order is super important in how your life will turn out and how you relate to your siblings, except when in totally doesn't. Gender is a huge qualifier except when it isn't. Divorce is always super hard on the kids. Etc. Either things that are already very widely known and accepted, as well as better supported and explained than here, or ideas that either can not be supported or that have too many variables to be a realistic portrayal.

I would not recommend it. At all.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a well done study on how growing up with or without siblings affects our childhood and adult behaviors. The statistics are represented with personal and third-party anecdotes. This helped me see how my sitters and I break or adhere to what science says is likely for us to experience. It also made me look into getting back in touch with them. Highly recommend for a weekend read.

[Kelsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was very disappointing. The book is part autobiography about the author's relationship with his brothers, part parenting book, and part academic research review. It ends up being good at none of these. Furthermore, by trying to do too much, the books seemed to never find its focus or move towards anything in particular.

While the autobiographical part could have been interesting, it was too intermittent to really capture my attention. But the author failed supremely in the academic section. While he obviously researched a lot of the sociology studies on siblings, the author seemed to try to expound on the studies too much, making leaps in an already fuzzy academic world. Kluger also tries to related principles to genetics, but it is obvious that this is not his field. Twice he made errors in basic genetic theory, such as the fallacy that having a boy is more genetically advantageous then a girl. This concept, however, was disproved mathematically by Richard Dawkins almost 40 years ago in his book "The Selfish Gene."

However, perhaps most annoyingly, the author routinely makes ill-advised and unhelpful metaphors and analogies. Every time a read a metaphor I would either cringe or laugh, and it really detracted from the book.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

As the third of four sisters, the topic of siblings interests me immensely and I was hoping to understand our sisterly dynamic better after reading this book. Unfortunately no easy answers were to be found: it seems the variables that go into sibling science are so complicated that it's very difficult to tease apart the contributions of birth order, gender proportion, parental favoritism, etc. What correlations have been found most often didn't apply to my sisters and me, alas.

The studies and especially the anecdotes, many of them about the author and his three brothers, nonetheless made for interesting reading. My main criticism is that too much of the writing feels like filler, trying to bridge the gaps in the science with wishy-washy explanations. The author mentions that he had previously written two Time magazine articles on the subject and I think those would probably make for more compelling reading.

[Jafar · Rating 2 out of 5]

Felt flat and seemed filled with fluff. I think it disappointed me because I was expecting a rigorous study and firm conclusions, even though I know that a topic like sibling relations doesn’t lend itself easily to rigorous studies and firm conclusions. Still – this could have been better. It’s impossible to write a book on this subject without talking about your own experiences with your siblings. And Kluger, growing up with three brothers close in age and then getting mixed up with even more stepsiblings, doesn’t lack any material here. But he shared more personal stories, and in more details, that I would care for. You can expect to find the usual assortment of topics regarding siblings, like sibling rivalry, the effect of birth order, divorce, stepsiblings, etc. all without being sure you learned something new and substantial.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I happened to be listening to NPR's TED Radio Hour podcast at my desk right after the New Year began; a re-broadcast from August 2014 called "Growing Up" that featured Jeffrey Kluger, the author. This lead me to listening to his full TEDx Talk, "What Makes Siblings Bond?" and compelled me to purchase four copies of this book (one for me and each of my siblings). I wanted to read the book before sending it to my brothers and sister. When I put the books and a letter to all three of them in their individual priority mail envelopes today, I was only ⅔ of the way through. It was a hard read for its similarity to my own sibling relationships and our shared upbringing. I've now finished, accomplishing my goal to read it in its entirety before sending it off to them. It made me laugh, cry, but most of all learn ... all the way through the last page of the Afterword.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

The facts presented here are interesting but seem unscientific to me. Kluger does list studies to back him up, but the anecdotes from his own life often conflict with the findings. Birth order is important, but not that important. Parents pick favorites, but mostly it doesn't matter. The youngest boy in a family of many boys is more likely to be gay, but in his family the opposite is true. I'm left feeling like there is no real truth to his analysis of sibling relationships other than they are important to the siblings themselves. I think an even more interesting book would be a biography of Kluger's life growing up with three brothers, step-sisters, and half-brother and half-sister. His personal accounts are funny and touching.

[Joy H.]

THE SIBLING EFFECT - Brothers, Sisters, and the Bonds That Define Us
by Jeffrey Kluger (first published March 2009)

Added 9/23/11.

9/23/11 - I discovered this book today among the NY Times book update reviews for 9/23/11.
The title of the book review is: "What Our Siblings Do to Us".
Below is a link to the review:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/boo...

A footnote at the review says:
"A version of this review appeared in print on September 25, 2011, on page BR18 of the Sunday Book Review with the headline: 'Mom Always Liked You Best'."

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reasonably interesting collection of sociological studies on siblings in families, this book felt a little haphazard, perhaps due to the dearth of actual research in addition to the complexity of parsing familial relationships.

[Farrah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Took me four months to slowly make my way through the hard copy. The title sounded really interesting, esp to me as the oldest of five, but in practice the book was just okay - not particularly compelling - and it felt like a lot of anecdotes and pseudoscience (e.g. gay men are more likely to be left handed, have a counterclockwise whorl to their hair, or have a shorter index finger...)

My main takeaway as I was reading it though -- I am SO grateful for my siblings and our close relationships! There's nothing I love more than being with family, especially now to see our kids interact as cousins. It's such a joyful experience to be best friends as adults.

These were some interesting stats in the book that stood out to me --

- In one study, the researcher concluded that 65% of mothers and 70% of fathers exhibited a preference for one child -- in most cases the older one. (LOL Mom!!! I win!) What's more, the kids were aware of exactly what was going on.

- What parents seem to value most in their opposite sex children are the traits that, paradoxically, are associated with their own sex -- the sensitive mom who goes gooey over her son the poet, or the hard-knocks dad who adores his tough-as-nails daughter. Narcissim may play a role in this. If the kids can't look exactly like you, they can at least act like you -- and you'll love them more if they do.

- Kids find a way to balance the favoritism scales a bit. You can't do much about your gender or birth order, but you can learn to make the most of what you've got. The non-favored daughter who talks film with her movie-loving mother may have come by her own love of the cinema naturally - or she may have come by it strategically. The same may be true of the son who learns to like watching football even if he's not naturally drawn to it. In this sense, kids are a bit like tree leaves, sorting themselves out so that they grow in a shaft of light not blocked by the leaf above.

- In three child families, as a rule, first and last born children have a better shot of being at least one parent's favorite than middle kids do.

- Unfavored children may turn their disappointment not only outward, in the form of aggression toward the first-tier brother or sister, but inward in the form of privately suffered emotional turmoil. Kids who felt less loved than other siblings were more likely to develop anxiety, low self esteem and depression. Unable to understand these feelings, much less cope with them effectively, some of the subjects would begin exhibiting behavioural problems. That would lead parents to crack down on them, only widening the apparent gap between the kid of treatement Mom and Dad were meting tout to them and the kind being lavished on the favorered child.

[Ali Wurm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid. It brought to mind many past personal experiences and observations made about other siblings. The author progressed through stages of life in a natural timeline, from birth and welcoming of new children to death of parents and one another. Most of the book made sense and the life and relationships of my sisters and myself were a testament to the observations. I found the observations relating to a homosexual sibling to be helpful and new information although I question how well this chapter has aged since it’s printing in 2011.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone with a very close sibling bond, I was so interested to see what Jeffrey Kluger had to say about the varying complexities of these relationships in his book. I was not disappointed! This was a fascinating look at some of the facets of growing up with, or having some kind of sibling. Each chapter covers a different topic (Siblings raising siblings, the importance of birth order) and dissects the pros and cons using a great mix of memoir and personal experiences with science. I can't wait to make my sister read this!

[Christine Deriso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our siblings reveal quite a bit
About earnings and talent and wit.
An oldest? A middle? This book solves the riddle
Of how we find out where we fit.

#bookreviewsaslimericks

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a memoir dressed in the clothes of non-fiction. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be much basis for the assertions put forth, and a large portion of the book is the author recounting his own family experience. Inconsistent and not cohesive.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Erin Tarpgaard]

Was an extended essay research book!

[Charity · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Sibling Effect begins with Kluger's personal observations of his relationship with his three brothers, and then Kluger tries to explain what he's observed using the relatively small and often contradictory research available about sibling relationships. The book would have worked better if he'd just picked one or the other, and probably would have worked best if he'd just chosen to make it a memoir and dropped the pretense of science entirely.

Kluger appears to want to include all of the research he found and then, unwilling to restrict himself to one conclusion, he came to two or more contradictory conclusions. For example, in the chapter that discusses single-child families, within two pages he says first that only children are more socially adept because they spend more time alone than other children and then that only children are more socially adept because they spend almost all of their time with other children because their parents put them in full-time day care early on and later can afford to add hours of daily extracurriculars to their already full school day. So which is it? Do onlies spend lots of time alone, or do they spend hardly any time alone? And which is more socially beneficial, anyway? Or is it possible that for some people, alone time is better and for others, time in groups is better and that's why the research results are contradictory?

Or maybe what's even more likely is that the researchers (not to mention Kluger himself) have difficulty designing studies and interpreting the results from outside of their own assumptions and biases about family relationships. The section about only children is one example of the class bias present throughout the book. Kluger seems to have difficulty seeing outside of a middle-/upper-middle-class lifestyle in which high-quality day care and a multitude of extracurricular activities are available to children.

He also has the habit of taking a trait or situation, from postpartum depression to parental favoritism to sibling rivalry, and then attempting to argue that the trait or situation is beneficial from an evolutionary standpoint. Mostly this seems to play out in the idea that parents can minimize their losses/maximize their children's chance of reaching adulthood by funneling more resources to one or two of them and letting the others eke out what they can from the dregs. Humans aren't birds, and I don't think it's a very strong analogy to compare our child-rearing practices to eggs in a nest.

Even with these irritations, I didn't hate the book. It helped me look at my relationship with my own children and the relationships within my family of origin with an eye for favoritism, which was interesting if not directly helpful. I also found very interesting the equation to calculate the number of one-on-one relationships present in any size family. I would have been interested to read about how sibling relationships change as children are separated from their siblings to enter school.

I did quite enjoy the parts about Kluger's own family; I would have liked to read more about those relationships. This would have been a stronger, more compelling book if Kluger had made it a memoir, leaving out a good chunk of the research he did and focussing primarily on his own sibling relationships.

[Frrobins · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had real high hopes for this book and it ended up being a disappointment, mostly because I was looking to either gain insight into my own experiences as one of two sisters or to learn what to expect as I raise my young one of each pairing. However, the topic is so broad that neither of those were treated in much depth in this book. And the author had numerous anecdotes about growing up as one of four brothers with step siblings and half siblings, experiences totally foreign to me that did not illuminate much about my own or tell me much about what to expect with my children that it was slightly frustrating.

Which fed into the other problem. It's a good overview of the research that is out there, but while it doesn't go too indepth into anything, it spans everything. From birth order to multiples to only children, some of which I was interested in, others not so much. I found myself craving to know more about some things I was very interested in and sludging through things I was not.

I did appreciate the author's skepticism about birth order research, especially as he pointed out that there are so many variables it's really hard to say anything. In fact, during the first part of the chapter while listing the traits found among older siblings versus younger siblings I was thinking about how it did not describe my sister and I, with the exception of one. It did get me thinking about what studies, if any, have been done on dynamics when there are two children versus three, three versus four, etc. But the book did not go into that kind of depth.

Two things that did annoy me were the reliance on evolutionary psychology and the gender extremes. The problem with evolutionary psychology is that it assumes that every behavior people engage in is adaptive and has a survival advantage, when it could be the inadvertent consequence of something else. Take the idea that postpartum depression could be a way to weed out children who aren't as likely to survive. Considering that for all forms of depression a common variable is poor sleep habits, and nothing disrupts sleep habits more than a new baby, and a fussy baby will disrupt sleep habits more than a calm baby, then it's no wonder that women are more likely to suffer from postpartum depression when the baby is fussy.

The other thing that annoyed was the gender dichotomies, especially as once again I really didn't see myself in them. While in moments of hubris I like to think of my sister and I as like the Bronte sisters, dreaming up imaginary worlds, we really didn't share deep dark secrets and confide to each other about our emotional lives like sisters supposedly do. I guess our imaginary worlds were much more compelling. Of course, that is the problem with measuring things in such extremes it that it overlooks the complex way in the middle where things tend to fall.

I can't fault the author for focusing so much on his experiences, as it would naturally shape his own interests in sibling dynamics. But unfortunately the family system he had growing up with was so foreign to mine that I could not relate too much.

[Jenni V. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought Daniel Shaw had a great analogy on family dynamics: "In most households parents serve the same big-picture role as doctors on grand rounds. Siblings are like the nurses on the ward; they're there every day."

What made this book different from others I've read is that it acknowledged and talked about birth order studies but didn't treat them as the "end-all, be-all" factor. The book covered many other contributing factors and perspectives I hadn't read about before.

For example, I loved the perspective on favored children. Even if Mom and Dad have a "favorite" child (as much as they will swear they don't), it could change from activity to activity. Dad could favor one child when it comes time to go to a sporting event but when at home will consider that child too hyper to talk to and turn to another child for deep conversations. It becomes a problem if a child never feels favored in any area but it's okay to prefer one over the other based on the activity as long as everyone ends up with something special to share with Mom and Dad.

We had our kids close together (Katie followed 17 months later by Alie, followed 19 months later by Brian, followed 13 months later by Megan) so I took heart in the opinion that siblings close together in age are a great support to each other in difficult times because they're around the same development for processing emotions and can understand and empathize with each other well.

I loved this phrase, "Modern families have become more mosaic than portrait..."

The last half of the book, which was mostly stats and studies, dragged for me.

This is a major truth I have seen time and time again. "No matter the gender, era, or temperaments of any adult sibling group, nothing will test their relationships quite as much as the challenge of tending to aging parents." Parents can help by speaking about their wishes and getting their affairs in order ahead of time.

A Few Quotes from the Book
"From the time we're born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and our cautionary tales."

"The long march of years brothers and sisters usually get to share is both a gift and an inevitable source of melancholy. You are together as your family of origin buds and grows. You are together as it matures. And you are together, too, as it decays and declines. You experience the same things, even if not always in the same ways. "Siblings," says Katherine Conger, "are like our memory banks.""

Find all my reviews at: http://readingatrandom.blogspot.com

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book specifically because I really enjoyed the TED talk the author gave, and I wanted to get the full weight of his work by reading the book he wrote about it. I was shocked at how validating this was for my emotional connection with my siblings, since I know so many people who are not close like we are -- I guess I assumed that maybe we were the oddballs, and our connection might even be somehow "unhealthy". (I suppose my point of view is skewed because my husband - understandably often my most influential relationship - is completely estranged from his only brother and remaining biological parent, so as much as he might be intrigued by my relationships with my siblings, he has absolutely no real grasp of how much they mean to me.) I was quite happily surprised to discover that my siblings and I are actually the "norm" in as much as any relationship construction can have a "norm". The sibling band is explored beautifully in this book, and the studies show not only is this interconnectedness not "unhealthy," it is actually one of the ingredients for a long and healthy life! While I couldn't say that this book led me to a deeper appreciation of my siblings -- because I have always appreciated the gift of having them in my life -- it did release me from any feelings of guilt over the closeness of our relationships - particularly with my sisters. Our sibling bonds strengthen our family as it extends through the coming generations, and that bodes well for our children and their families as well. I highly recommend The Sibling Effect for anyone interested in the importance of family relationships and how they shape our lives.

[Bookworm · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book more than I did. Kluger examines the bonds siblings have, as well as how they can affect one another, good and bad, younger and older, half siblings, step-siblings and full-blooded ones.

Intertwined with his story of his brothers and later step-siblings and half siblings, Kluger looks at the relationships siblings have with one another throughout life, from babyhood to childhood and beyond. He looks at siblings tussles to hierarchy to effects on teen pregnancy and beyond.

Unfortunately his discussion of the scientific studies tended to bore me. I found his discussions of himself and his family much more interesting, which was problematic, since this isn't a memoir. I also found it rather jolting at times--he discusses his brother's coming out of the closet through the view of himself and his brothers, but not his father.

The effects of their parents marriage, divorce and re-marriages are discussed throughout the book. Why he chose to focus on his grandparents' reaction was puzzling, unless it was something too personal to discuss. I mention it because the brothers do have a relationship with their dad, albeit a distant one, after the father's remarriage. And the author discusses his adult relationship with his father, as well as the father's passing and contention over the inheritance.

Unfortunately I think the book overall was hyped a little too much. Check it out of the library or try the bargain bin if you're really interested.

[Mike Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

It seems obvious, but I hadn't really thought about it until I read this book: your relationships with your siblings will almost certainly be the longest relationships of your life. Your siblings will be with you from early childhood until old age. This book explores the effects that siblings have on each other. It covers such topics as sibling rivalry and fighting, birth order (first- and last-born tend to get more perks than middle children), parental favouritism, divorce and step- and half-siblings, alloparenting (when older siblings assume some responsibility for looking after younger ones), sexuality (especially whether younger siblings follow in in older siblings' footsteps), twins and only children, and aging.

The research on sibling relationships is relatively new, mostly because they are so difficult to study; there are many variables to consider and they are hard to isolate (gender, socio-economic status, innate personality differences, etc.). The author brings his own experience as the second of four boys into the book, showing how his parents' divorce and re-marriage (which introduced both step-siblings and half-siblings) affected his brothers and him.

If I have one minor point with this work, it's that it tends to focus on broods of three or more siblings. As someone with one sibling, I would have liked to see more about two-child families.

Overall, the writing is clear and simple (Kluger is a science journalist) and engaging. Recommended.

[Eileen Sullivan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was another book I picked up at a bookstore that sold used books. Years ago I read a book about birth order and this book looked like it would be interesting too. The author shares some of his family stories and how his relationship with his family has affected his world. He uses studies, science, and research to defend some points about the role of sisters and brothers and how that role guides us in what we do later in life. While I enjoyed the book I wish he had used different chapter headings so the reader could focus on learning more about our own relationships with our siblings. For example, I had to pull out different information about being a middle child. I particularly enjoyed the chapters about favoritism and about siblings throughout the years. An interesting note is that our siblings help us learn about conflict resolution. Although I did enjoy the book my views about how and where I stand in my family-blessed to have two sisters and a brother. I was so excite to have my two sisters at my special birthday celebration last weekend and we are eager to spend time together. As a middle child my role was not unclear and my “pivotal role’ as a middle sibling has been a journey I have enjoyed.
Here’s a Ted talk by Jeffrey Kluger
http://www.ted.com/talks/jeffrey_klug...