What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know: Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy

by John Gray

Is it really possible to be in love forever? New York Times bestselling author John Gray will show you how in Mars and Venus Together Forever This essential resource guide contains relationship skills that will help you and your mate sustain a lasting relationship that only grows richer with time. Mars and Venus Together Forever educates the different sexes Filled with lively anecdotes, revealing exercises, and profound common sense, Mars and Venus Together Forever will help men and women explore new frontiers in their relationships, communicate effectively with each other, and discover the secret of "happily ever after."

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Marriage

427 pages, Hardcover

First published October 20, 1994

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.

John Gray is an American relationship counselor, lecturer, and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long-term best seller and formed the central theme of his subsequent books and career activities. His books have sold millions of copies.

Reviews

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

Basically just re-presented the ideas from his earlier book Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus.... except more poorly, and in a way that comes off more sexist.

[Glenda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book sucks. Just in case you think I love everything I put on Goodreads. All Gray does here is repeat the same sentences over and over and over again till you think you're going to puke. And his story about the time he was tempted to cheat on his wife and wondered if it would REALLY be a problem? Puh-leeze! From him I'm taking relationship advice?

[Veronica · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some nuggets in there (some that he has mentioned in other books but delves into them more deeply here) to sidestep some common frustrating issues. For instance, men tend to want action, not "complaining" and "not doing anything to make it better." However, unless there is listening on their part, women tend not to feel understood (and, therefore, strong enough to deal with the issues).

John Gray respects both men and women, all the while explaining their different approaches.

He gives examples of how women will speak and what men will "hear."

I was able to finally understand how important action is to my husband. I realize how much I act from emotions. We can have less frustrations when he knows I want him to hear about the overload of emotions that are keeping me from being able to take actions. He does not need to come up with solutions, just be there.

It is called helping him go from instinctual expectations to learned expectations. It is able letting him know what I need and verbalizing it. That becomes the new frame of reference.

Men and women can help the other one understand better with more communication.

It is in solving problems together that intimacy is gained (rather than just solving the problem by oneself).

There are so many examples to illustrate the concepts. In a world with the sexes battling it out, it is enlightening to see how we can get along.

This book, in showing perspectives of men and of women, can help bring you closer to someone you love!

[Sarah Becker · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found the generalizations offensive, and the book had an overall sexist tone that didn't sit well with me.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I very clearly found myself in this book, Gray nailed it. I wonder if the people who panned the book have lived the experience which he is covering here or are expecting it to be something it is not? For working mothers (either single or married), this book is refreshingly accurate. It has absolutely given me some useful personal insight and tools to be a better and more understanding partner.

[Vajihe Nikkhah · Rating 1 out of 5]

تو این کتاب تلاش نکردن و راحتی رو یه صفت زنانه می دونه. مدام هم زنان قدیم رو به رخ زنان دوران حال می کشه. انگار زنان قدیمی بیکار و علاف تو خونه نشسته بودن و هیچ کاری نمی کردن!
این کتاب پر از تناقضه

[Shawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

The key to this book is the second part of the title... advanced relationship skills for better communication and lasting intimacy

Saw this at the and remembered really liking Men are From Mars so I picked this up. In a lot of ways, this book did not have the same impact as Men are from Mars, but maybe because I had read the other book many years ago and remembered so much of what was in it. Maybe because this book also mirror the relationship advice my parents have always given me.

However, the book still does have a lot of great information. A lot of stories...which can get old but the examples can be helpful since they really help you GET what he is talking about.

I read this book a bit by bit over several weeks and there were quite a few times when I went... Oh right... that is what he is doing. Getting things like this is really helpful in a relationship...being reminded why the opposite sex does things and how you can be a better partner is key. Reading it kept me from getting annoyed when I may have... and that makes for a better relationship.

Great book for men and women.

[Ellen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was so disappointed with this book. The first chapter begins with a too-graphic (in my opinion) description of an affair he almost had. I didn’t need that. I can see why he started that way. It’s definitely an attention-grabber, and he uses the experience to illustrate that things have changed since his father’s generation, which, he says, saw nothing wrong having affairs. His assumption that the previous generation justified having affairs because men and women each have unfulfilled needs, while his generation has learned to fulfill those needs without needing to step outside of marriage—well, it’s just not true. I skimmed through the a couple more chapters in the book thinking maybe it had something I could learn, but it seemed to be filled with similar assumptions and I found it to be not a helpful book. I threw it away. I’ll look for marriage and relationship advice somewhere else.

[Veronika KaoruSaionji · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book! Everybody should read it!
About differences in thinking and behaviour of men and women and how can still happily live together. I start to use some things in my own relationship (with my boyfriend) and we are much more happier that before. It works!!!! Superb. I am very grateful to John Gray.
The most important things about men if you are woman (and about women if you are man) and how can live with them and make them (and you, too) happy. :o) :o) :o)
The best book of John Gray which I read and one of the best books about relationships.

[Kaila Gallacher · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hm, interesting book I guess. But pretty repetitive and honestly a little silly.
Some of the ideas regarding the differences between men and women I can buy into, other I just can`t. It was a generalized book. There were a few insights in here, but not many. Also, it was sort of sexist--I know a lot of men who are not sex-crazed "hunters". The thought patterns/behaviors of men and women were interesting at times. Anyways, that's about it.

Two stars: It was okay, I'm glad that it has helped some people, didn't really have an impact on me but that's just me.

[Kellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is best book of the three core Mars Venus books. It is absolutely hilarious and so true. I learned things from this book that my parents had never talked to me about. My husband and laughed so hard when we listened to the audio book together, as we recognized ourselves in his stories and examples we laughed all the more. The presentation of the subject matter alone makes it worth while, and worth revisiting from time to time.

[Elizabeth Drake · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible, richer in helpful content, scripts, stories than any of his other books - for women in long term relationships and not satisfied, feeling frustrated, unseen, needs unmet with a man who is resistant to changing for her! Omg I wish I’d read this earlier. For some reason his other books weren’t as helpful, although all good. The situations addressed here are the day to day grind. Must read (yes it’s a bit dated in some examples). And still it applies today.

[Samer Chidiac · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you read John's book "Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus" you will find lots of similarities, but it's the small differences in this one that makes it a good book. All in all I like it!

[Sarah Dahl · Rating 5 out of 5]

there is a lot of good information in this book!

[Jason Oliver · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus repackaged with more repetitious and more sexist language.

I loved Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus as well as some other of Gray's books and many of the principles and methods have helped me and my family. The verbiage of this book lacks the tact of others Gray has written.

I am not against the philosophy and principles of the book, as they mimic Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus but are presented with role defining words, especially since this book is from the angle of women needing different considerations from women in the past.

I still recommend most of the ideas that are based on the idea of men and women, generally speaking, handle, process, and react differently. We speak different langues that are made up of the same words and learning what the other is meaning with their words and actions diffuses situations and increases communication.

[Emilia · Rating 3 out of 5]

When reading this book we have to consider that it was published over 20 years ago and some of the information is outdated. The relationship struggles that today's couples have to face are more complex than 20 years ago and I feel that many topics are missing: how to support your partner when difficulties struck (dealing with unemployment, death, the birth of a new child, family members with disabilities, illness etc.), why men/women cheat etc. In addition, Dr. Gray repetitively acknowledges that women are overworked by having both a full time job and household duties, but he advises men to support women by listening to them and by helping them to take out the frustration and tiredness by talking and returning to their "female side". I didn't read in the whole book the common sense advice for men to just get out of their comfort zone (or cave) and just give them a hand. In most of the cases, when men help more, women become grateful, happy and create the loving and peaceful home for both themselves and their kids.

[Craig · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely some good life advice in this one, but there were times I was thinking "Uhh, I don't really agree with that perspective" on a few occasions throughout the book. After all, the book was written in the mid nineties, and people have evolved even more so from the time of publishing. We are certainly not in the days of our Mothers & Fathers!

[Shauna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting ideas of how men lose their manliness and lean more on their feminine side. Women are now working and using more of their man side and losing their feminine side. This flip flop can be rolled back with communication skills.

[Marwa Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

خمسة نجوم لأنة كتاب غير من وجهة نظري لعدة أشياء. تحاملت على الكتاب فى أثناء قراءة الفصول الأولى و لكن أصررت على إكماله و فهمت الكثير بنهايته. كتاب مهم فى فهم العلاقات و احتياجات كل طرف من الأخر. الفصل رائع عن ظاهرة strong independent women و soft men فى رأي هو أعظم فصل فى الكتاب.

[Huong · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many interesting description of popular patterns but old-schooled advices of what men and women should do. I’m curious of how it is in a matriarchal society and how these advices would change when gender roles are revolutionized.

[Joe · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listened to audiobook version read by the author. Did not get much out of it. Lots of large assumptions that all men and all women act and feel the same. He seemed disinterested in what he was saying so I tuned out a lot of it.

[Miki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical guide to accompany Gray's other books on relationships.

[Tory Mcclymonds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hard read. Recommended for new/looking/current couples.

[AlShaima Taleb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read long time ago, very influenced by thos book as a younger woman

[E7sas]

لم اكمل قراءة هذا الكتاب لانه المقدمة طويلة و اغلب الافكار مكررة.

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just wanted a lil more from this but some valuable bullets , just not enough support

[Vikki Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

another excellent story

[Krista · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is really, really dated.
Maybe some things mentioned could be true in marriage relationships, but over all it felt like a lot of blanket statements being made.

[Brooklynlamb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so old -yet useful! I tried the techniques with my friend Wayne who is like my brother, my sister, my boyfriend and my husband. They worked!

[Julie Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

What Your Mother Didn't Tell You and your father didn't know, advanced relationship skills by John Gray
Wow what a fantastic book. Starts out with what men /women are like and answers all the questions in how to deal with it in today's hectic lifestyle.
I found myself listening to what is happening in my life and my spouse and saying I do that and didn't realize why I was doing it and why he escapes into cave mode and why.
Very enlightening and can't wait to read parts of this book together. So much of it stems on how we were raised, which adults, nurturing or not, etc
Can't wait to also listen to more of these tapes.
I received this book from National Library Service for my BARD (Braille Audio Reading Device).