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Romance Novel
***Warning***
If you are one of those obsessive and crazy fans of Twilight--you've legally changed your last name to Cullen, relocated to some rainy podunk town in Washington and apply glitter glue to your skin before going out in the sun--you may just burn your Kindle after reading.
Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire.
When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband.
Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell.
ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!
If you are one of those obsessive and crazy fans of Twilight--you've legally changed your last name to Cullen, relocated to some rainy podunk town in Washington and apply glitter glue to your skin before going out in the sun--you may just burn your Kindle after reading.
Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire.
When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband.
Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell.
ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!
158 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 30, 2011
11 people are currently reading
196 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
May 16, 2011
You there. Yes you. The one without a sense of humor. Don't buy this book. It is not for you.
The guy next to you? He will like it. Your neighbor, doctor, mailman, co-workers, and probably even your guinea pig Squeal will like it, but not you.
A sense of humor is a terrible thing to waste, but I digress.
Spend the 99 cents. Read this book. If only so that the author will become fabulously rich and have the free time to write another book - thereby hopefully erasing the cover image of this one from our collective minds.
A parody of romance novels, sparkly vampires, rodeos, etc. - there is truly something for everyone.
Just make sure you have used the bathroom before reading this. Just in case. Leakage while laughing can be an embarrassing problem. Or so I am told.
The guy next to you? He will like it. Your neighbor, doctor, mailman, co-workers, and probably even your guinea pig Squeal will like it, but not you.
A sense of humor is a terrible thing to waste, but I digress.
Spend the 99 cents. Read this book. If only so that the author will become fabulously rich and have the free time to write another book - thereby hopefully erasing the cover image of this one from our collective minds.
A parody of romance novels, sparkly vampires, rodeos, etc. - there is truly something for everyone.
Just make sure you have used the bathroom before reading this. Just in case. Leakage while laughing can be an embarrassing problem. Or so I am told.
August 17, 2022
What it says on the tin! So silly, goofy, and parody-y that you will definitely snort out a laugh or two - something that a cup of coffee can't do.
July 9, 2011
Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire.
When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband.
Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell
Disco music and dancing prevent any future happiness for Smella and Deadwood.
Romance Novel is exactly what the title promises, and more so. The story is a parody of every romance novel with a hero, heroine and minor characters all struggling to find their place.
Smella Rosepetal is a virgin looking for a rich husband. Not for herself but to enable her baby to have a life saving operation (see the confusion - a virgin with a baby?). She leaves little Joshua or Adam or Austin (his name changes every time he’s mentioned) with her best friend Ebony while she returns to her home town to seek out the richest man she can find.
Her hometown is either in Australia or Texas - I could never figure out which. Here she has a choice of men. The first is her childhood sweetheart Snake, who is broke and has an awesome secret. Another prospective husband is Deadward Forest, a strange, pasty faced rich man who steals Smella’s heart. Murder and mayhem happen whenever Smella passes by but she is serene in the knowledge she’s the heroine and lives without fear. Because Smella knows the hero always rescues the heroine in the nick of time.
Romance Novel is hilarious. It takes a normal romantic story and accentuates all the bits that are not usually mentioned. Question: How could a virgin have a baby? Answer: Because she needed a baby for the plot.
Ms. Jones plays on these anomalies all the way through the book, and these provide a funny, well thought out book. Add to this the lack of sporty, rich vehicles, men with fabulous bodies, heroines with brains and you have an ideal romantic novel, or at least a parody of one.
By the time I finished reading my sides were aching with laughter. Well done, Ms. Jones, you really made my day.
Originally published on Long and Short Reviews
June 17, 2011
Romance Novel was a wonderfully entertaining spoof on the paranormal romance genre. Poor Smella Rosepetal, the virgin romance heroine whose baby is suffering from demonic possession (or is it heart trouble?) needs an operation to save his life. So Smella, loving mother that she is, goes on a search for a rich cowboy to marry. Little does she know that she will be torn between Deadward Forest, rich vampire, or Snake Long, poor were-gerbil. A very compelling love triangle, indeed.
Nothing so lame as sparkly vampires in this novel,though. No, only the best for Romance Novel- vegan, environmentalist vampires ruled the roost. They only eat suburban-driving soccer moms and animals that aren't cute. Flabio makes an excellent villain with his faulty thyroid and desire to be a romance novel cover model.
This novel is quick, entertaining, and will keep you laughing. I do NOT recommend you read it in a doctor's office or church. You might get some funny looks.
Nothing so lame as sparkly vampires in this novel,though. No, only the best for Romance Novel- vegan, environmentalist vampires ruled the roost. They only eat suburban-driving soccer moms and animals that aren't cute. Flabio makes an excellent villain with his faulty thyroid and desire to be a romance novel cover model.
This novel is quick, entertaining, and will keep you laughing. I do NOT recommend you read it in a doctor's office or church. You might get some funny looks.
June 28, 2011
If you are looking for one smart ass spoof, pick up PJ Jones's Romance Novel. Ms. Jones is a brilliant comedy writer who has perfected the art of true parody. Just her characters' names alone will leave you in stitches. She has poked fun of every silly element romance readers adore about smutty literature. And I guarantee you will fall head over heels when you meet Flabio, a real man in a real man's body. Hell, I can hear the housewives chuckling from here to eternity. This book is like sinful chocolate cake..you know you shouldn't read it because you love romance but when you do, you are saying to yourself..oh.my.God..this is so damnnnnnn good! I want more! But don't eat chocolate cake while you're reading it. You might choke when you're laughing your ass off.
June 28, 2011
If you are looking for one smart ass spoof, pick up PJ Jones's Romance Novel. Ms. Jones is a brilliant comedy writer who has perfected the art of true parody. Just her characters' names alone will leave you in stitches. She has poked fun of every silly element romance readers adore about smutty literature. And I guarantee you will fall head over heels when you meet Flabio, a real man in a real man's body. Hell, I can hear the housewives chuckling from here to eternity. This book is like sinful chocolate cake..you know you shouldn't read it because you love romance but when you do, you are saying to yourself..oh.my.God..this is so damnnnnnn good! I want more! But don't eat chocolate cake while you're reading it. You might choke when you're laughing your ass off.
April 13, 2011
This is an awesome book. If you like to laugh (and don't we all?) then you must read this book. Yes, it pokes fun at all the romance and paranormal books we all love, but it does it all in fun, no offense intended. I love the romance/paranormal romance/historical romance genres, but I also love to laugh, and this book made me spew coffee I laughed so hard! And we could all stand to laugh at ourselves a litle more :)
April 27, 2011
Why are people spewing coffee on their ereaders when they read Romance Novel? But more importantly....Is Flabio a real cover model? How can an unwed virgin mother conceive an illegitimate child and still retain her flat stomach and perky breasts? How many landfills can one vampire fill in an eternity? Why must all hunky single millionaires live in Texas? What's that awful smell? These questions an many more are all answered in Romance Novel, my new parody.
April 30, 2011
Funniest thing ever!! Review posted at Manic Reader and You Gotta Read Reviews.
July 3, 2011
PJ Jones is brilliant! I loved this book. I can't remember laughing so hard reading a book. I am eagerly awaiting a sequel to this creative parody of my favorite books!
Want to read
April 7, 2012Free on Kindle :-).
October 9, 2017
Insane.
PJ Jones has a very skewed way of looking at the world, twisted and very funny.
I really liked this parody, spotting the things that it takes the mick out of is half the fun of reading it. I especially liked that there are no sparkly vampires!
People easily offended don't know what they're missing out on.
PJ Jones has a very skewed way of looking at the world, twisted and very funny.
I really liked this parody, spotting the things that it takes the mick out of is half the fun of reading it. I especially liked that there are no sparkly vampires!
People easily offended don't know what they're missing out on.
June 24, 2019
Romantic parody, 3.5 stars.
Mmmm... definitely a story like no other. We learn how the cover model got this gig. Our heroine is a selfish, disco hating, virgin mother on the lookout for a rich hero in this her romance novel.
Many different romance genre’s covered. And as with any good romance novel an HEA.
Mmmm... definitely a story like no other. We learn how the cover model got this gig. Our heroine is a selfish, disco hating, virgin mother on the lookout for a rich hero in this her romance novel.
Many different romance genre’s covered. And as with any good romance novel an HEA.
January 15, 2023
This is a roaring laugh for those who love crude humor and a virgin heroine who has a baby to save.
October 27, 2016
There were many laugh out loud moments in this delicious satire. Even the names are hilarious, and there's just nothing not to love - unless you're so dimwitted and humourless that you imagine a certain series with one-word titles is actually 'Litracha'.
August 19, 2012
I shouldn’t like “Romance Novel” - I have a limited appetite for the spoof form, and it sends up not only romance fiction, which I don’t read, but also the Twilight series, which I have neither read nor seen. Nevertheless, I found this book very entertaining because Ms Jones is pitch perfect throughout, hitting the right notes (or should that be the right wrong notes?) time after time. It’s very difficult not to like any form of fiction when done this well. If you’re familiar with the originals you’ll get even more out of it.
The old British comedian Les Dawson used to be very funny with his intentionally awful piano playing, but he could only do it so amusingly badly because he could play well in the first place. “Romance Novel” is a bit like that: you can tell that PJ Jones can write well or she wouldn’t be able to send up bad writing so successfully. In addition to the narrative voice frequently reminding you how absurd the whole thing is, the character names are faultless - Smella Rosepetal, Deadward Forest, Snake Long et. al. - and the running jokes - the baby whose name keeps changing, the token black character who refuses to be a token, the virginal mother etc - don’t wear off. From the great cover to vampires' obsession with the Bee Gees (I always wondered who bought their bloody records), there is quality humour throughout.
“Romance Novel” is perhaps not for those easily offended, since it introduces explicit sexual conduct, flatulence and bad words not usually found in Mills & Boon (or so I understand), but if like me you only object to that sort of thing if it is gratuitous, then you won’t object here; these are used always to send up the conventions of romantic fiction.
Nobel prize winner? No. But unsurpassable spoof fiction.
The old British comedian Les Dawson used to be very funny with his intentionally awful piano playing, but he could only do it so amusingly badly because he could play well in the first place. “Romance Novel” is a bit like that: you can tell that PJ Jones can write well or she wouldn’t be able to send up bad writing so successfully. In addition to the narrative voice frequently reminding you how absurd the whole thing is, the character names are faultless - Smella Rosepetal, Deadward Forest, Snake Long et. al. - and the running jokes - the baby whose name keeps changing, the token black character who refuses to be a token, the virginal mother etc - don’t wear off. From the great cover to vampires' obsession with the Bee Gees (I always wondered who bought their bloody records), there is quality humour throughout.
“Romance Novel” is perhaps not for those easily offended, since it introduces explicit sexual conduct, flatulence and bad words not usually found in Mills & Boon (or so I understand), but if like me you only object to that sort of thing if it is gratuitous, then you won’t object here; these are used always to send up the conventions of romantic fiction.
Nobel prize winner? No. But unsurpassable spoof fiction.
February 10, 2015
3.5
*Book source ~ A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.
Smella Rosepetal’s baby needs an expensive heart transplant, so Smella heads to Pitchforks, Texas where her father lives in the hopes of roping a millionaire husband. She meets up with her childhood friend Snake Long and meets the weird yet rich Deadward Forest. Deadward has money and Snake doesn’t so guess who Smella falls in love with? While trying to get Deadward to come up to scratch Smella has to deal with a serial killer, vampires, Flabio and other weird inhabitants of Pitchforks. Will she get the money in time? Will she get whacked by a serial killer? Will Deadward’s Smart Car fail an emissions test? Stay tuned!
I really don’t read enough parodies. I know I’m going against the majority, but I hate the Twilight series. So when an opportunity to review a Twilight parody came along I was more than happy to read it. It’s ridiculous and thus highly amusing. I think a person has to have the right sense of humor to appreciate a good parody. This one produces a bit too much eye rolling from me, but it’s still funny and Smella is such a twat. Funny how she and Bella are so similar and yet Smella seems like she has more gumption. If you want a couple hours of entertainment and don’t mind a book poking a very large pointy stick at Twilight then be sure to pick this one up.
*Book source ~ A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review.
Smella Rosepetal’s baby needs an expensive heart transplant, so Smella heads to Pitchforks, Texas where her father lives in the hopes of roping a millionaire husband. She meets up with her childhood friend Snake Long and meets the weird yet rich Deadward Forest. Deadward has money and Snake doesn’t so guess who Smella falls in love with? While trying to get Deadward to come up to scratch Smella has to deal with a serial killer, vampires, Flabio and other weird inhabitants of Pitchforks. Will she get the money in time? Will she get whacked by a serial killer? Will Deadward’s Smart Car fail an emissions test? Stay tuned!
I really don’t read enough parodies. I know I’m going against the majority, but I hate the Twilight series. So when an opportunity to review a Twilight parody came along I was more than happy to read it. It’s ridiculous and thus highly amusing. I think a person has to have the right sense of humor to appreciate a good parody. This one produces a bit too much eye rolling from me, but it’s still funny and Smella is such a twat. Funny how she and Bella are so similar and yet Smella seems like she has more gumption. If you want a couple hours of entertainment and don’t mind a book poking a very large pointy stick at Twilight then be sure to pick this one up.
February 5, 2012
I've never read a spoof novel before, but I know there are a lot out there. If I remember correctly, most of them rip off the over popular books like Harry Potter. Jones' book spoofs every romance book ever written and throws in some Twilight just to be safe. Every page had me laughing at one of the sentences; it was spot on! My poor Dave couldn't get any of his Laurel K Hamilton read as I found a need to read excerpts to him at regular intervals.
I wanted to throttle the so-called heroine, Smella, but I'm quite sure that was the point. She was a gorgeous airhead who couldn't remember the name of her dying baby while claiming she was a virgin. None of the men were painted as the perfect men except for some of the unnamed cowhands near the beginning of the book. I liked the cover you find on Amazon (large bare chested man wearing just a kilt) versus the one here on Goodreads (were gerbil).
I'll have to read Jones' other novels when I want a good giggle. She's entertaining and writes a story that you'll find very hard to put down.
I wanted to throttle the so-called heroine, Smella, but I'm quite sure that was the point. She was a gorgeous airhead who couldn't remember the name of her dying baby while claiming she was a virgin. None of the men were painted as the perfect men except for some of the unnamed cowhands near the beginning of the book. I liked the cover you find on Amazon (large bare chested man wearing just a kilt) versus the one here on Goodreads (were gerbil).
I'll have to read Jones' other novels when I want a good giggle. She's entertaining and writes a story that you'll find very hard to put down.
November 15, 2012
You'll laugh...you'll cry....But those tears will be from the constant onslaught of belly laughs that result from reading this hysterical spoof on Twilight and romance novels as a whole. Romance Novel is one of the funniest books I've read in years.
Take the tropes of Twilight and romance novels in general. Then slam them into an exaggeration machine and add just a hint of acid and the result would be Romance Novel. PJ Jones has a twisted sense of humor and it comes through in every single scene of the book. From the character names (like the good Dr. Wannabush) to uncontrollable bodily functions to environmentalist vampires, nothing is off limits in this hysterical parody.
This book had me in stitches from the get go and didn't let up the entire time. If you're looking for a good laugh or a completely twisted and skewed take on Twilight and the romance genre, check this one out! PJ Jones is on my radar now and I'll surely be picking up her other books in the not-too-distant future!
Take the tropes of Twilight and romance novels in general. Then slam them into an exaggeration machine and add just a hint of acid and the result would be Romance Novel. PJ Jones has a twisted sense of humor and it comes through in every single scene of the book. From the character names (like the good Dr. Wannabush) to uncontrollable bodily functions to environmentalist vampires, nothing is off limits in this hysterical parody.
This book had me in stitches from the get go and didn't let up the entire time. If you're looking for a good laugh or a completely twisted and skewed take on Twilight and the romance genre, check this one out! PJ Jones is on my radar now and I'll surely be picking up her other books in the not-too-distant future!
August 15, 2012
If you are looking for the Anti-Romance novel, this is for you. It is funny, some wit and makes fun of every steroype, chiche, etc that appears to be the 'format' for remance books. Just don't try to read into ANYTHING!
For a parody, it was pretty funny. Some parts are funny as hell, others just make me groan with the level of cheezyness. The writing style is very unusual but works for this type of book. Only got it becuase of a few excerpts that made me crack up and it was free on Kindle. Not something i would have purchased and i read a few books while i was working on this one. Had to put it down several times; some due to laughter but mostly just did not hold my attention.
For a parody, it was pretty funny. Some parts are funny as hell, others just make me groan with the level of cheezyness. The writing style is very unusual but works for this type of book. Only got it becuase of a few excerpts that made me crack up and it was free on Kindle. Not something i would have purchased and i read a few books while i was working on this one. Had to put it down several times; some due to laughter but mostly just did not hold my attention.
March 31, 2012
Warning: before sitting down to read this book besure to empty your bladder, Nothing in your mouth, and reframe from reading this is "quite areas". This brilliant vampire, shape-shifter, historical, contemporary, suspense, western, medical, romance parody will have you laughing out loud. The characters are hiliarous down to their names. The Plot and Pace is awesome. The Writing is done very well. The orginially and book cover is beyond funny. This is a must buy!
My Rating: 5 Stars!!
http://werevampsromance.blogspot.com/...
My Rating: 5 Stars!!
http://werevampsromance.blogspot.com/...
June 8, 2012
P.J. Jones writes a comedy send up of Romance Novels. I got some great chuckles at the beginning, but it began to wear a bit thin as jokes were repeated. Also it became more self-reflective as the story progressed. Some of the jokes were just a little middle school "eewww" for me -- like Snake the handsome native American who turns into a squealing gerbil when he gets angry. This is followed by allusions to Richard Gere and his relationship to Gerbils. It's really more of a sketch that goes on too long than a story. I give it two stars
October 26, 2016
After reading the teaser chapters at the end of Pride and Prejudice and Vampires, I had to get this to continue the insanity. Mainly a parody of Twilight, it pokes fun at a myriad of other books and movies, with even a guest appearance by Sean "Bond, James Bond" Connery. I'll never be able to look at Twilight, or a book cover with Fabio on it, the same again! Though I do have to say, it wasn't quite as good as PP&V, but close.
August 19, 2012
Jones is a funny writer, but this book was simply too long, repetitive, and full of the same scatological jokes. This would have been much better at 1/3 the length. Jones's "Driving me Nuts" is a much better novel, though I still give "Romance Novel" two stars for its very clever (though redundant) satire.
January 5, 2013
Still reading this book - mostly can't decide between laughing out loud or sitting there with my mouth hanging open. PJ Jones has well-honed sense of the ridiculous, and uses it lavishly in her books. Romance Novel is a fast-paced mix of genres that will have you laughing out loud. You'll never read a romance novel again without thinking of Smella Rosepetal.
April 20, 2013
If you want to read a spoof on romance novels and laugh, this is the book for you! A virgin-mother who can't remember the name of her dying baby and not-so-perfect men are the main characters. Fairly quick read. I did sometimes find the writing style a little annoying as I couldn't always tell editing errors from on-purpose editorial choices.
October 16, 2014
I was kinda meh about this one. I liked the idea, who doesn't love a good spoof, but...it wasn't a really good spoof. It was too heavy-handed, too over the top, not subtle enough.
I mean, I don't think I actually laughed while reading this. I smiled. Disco-dancing vampires are bound to make you smile, but...I don't know, I guess it just wasn't a good fit for me.
2.5 stars
I mean, I don't think I actually laughed while reading this. I smiled. Disco-dancing vampires are bound to make you smile, but...I don't know, I guess it just wasn't a good fit for me.
2.5 stars
May 28, 2012
Warning for those without a sense of humor: do not read. This parody of a contemporary paranormal romance made me laugh so many times. Gotta love the virgin heroine with her baby (and his name ever changing). And her true love that LOVES disco music. And Flabio. Just a ton of laughs.
February 12, 2013
Another hilarious parody by the queen of parody, PJ Jones. Deadward, Smella and Flabio. Need I say more?
Want to read
April 6, 2012Kindle free download 4/6/12.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews