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I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames: My Insane Life Raising Two Boys with Autism
Jeni Decker is five-foot nothing and one hundred and [redacted] pounds—a self described roly-poly, forty-something, Reubenesque bon-bon of a gal, often called cute but never sexy. She has two sons with autism on opposite ends of the spectrum (Jake and Jaxson), a husband who prefers hunting to household chores, an Australian Shepherd named Sugar, and an albino frog named Humbert Humbert. This is her story—a brash, personal, and some-times shocking memoir of one woman’s determination to raise two healthy kids with autism and keep her sanity in the process. It’s not always easy. Between “poop” incidents, temper tantrums, and the “helpful” advice about parenting from her fellow citizens in the grocery store, Jeni often finds herself wanting to throw something. With chapters like: “Tickling the Weiner,” “Why I Hate Pokemon,” “Santa: Give it a Friggin’ Rest, Already,” and “Oprah’s the Reason My Kid Thinks I Want to Drown Him in the Tub,” I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames also includes mini-chapters written by her eldest son, Jake.
Readers looking for laughter and inspiration will find it here aplenty, along with tons of surreal anecdotes that will have you either shaking your head in disbelief (for those unacquainted with the world of autism) or nodding with recognition (for those who are). As Jeni says, “I developed a new ‘normal.’”
Readers looking for laughter and inspiration will find it here aplenty, along with tons of surreal anecdotes that will have you either shaking your head in disbelief (for those unacquainted with the world of autism) or nodding with recognition (for those who are). As Jeni says, “I developed a new ‘normal.’”
288 pages, Hardcover
First published November 1, 2011
28 people are currently reading
562 people want to read
About the author
Jeni Decker
15 books21 followersJeni Decker lives on a farm in rural Michigan with her husband, two autistic sons, two Australian Shepherds, and an albino frog named Humbert Humbert.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews
March 11, 2012
As a mother with a child with autism, I was looking forward to reading this as it was proclaimed to be the humorous side of autism. I did not laugh once. A woman who proclaims her disgust of reality TV, specifically mentioning shows that use children, she unabashedly sold her sons and husband out. Autistic or not as a parent you deal with potty and self-discovery tales but the obsessive detail she goes into is appalling for her sons. They are the one's who must live with her words one day and her oldest who is high functioning will be able to understand what she has written about him. Wake up Jeni, you sold out your kids just as badly as Kate Gosseling.
As parents, the stress of autism on a marriage is indescribable. Not one kind word did she have to say to about her husband and stating she is in a loveless marriage is quite sad. Division of labor is never equal in a marriage, and usually the stay-at-home parent takes on the greater burden because there is no outside world. But drive a man out and most of the time he'll willingly go run. She might also realize that taking anti-depressants will make a woman have little use for a penis and a man very little use for a vagina. Well known side-effect. No objection to her taking them, we all need to get through, but deal with reality and maybe place the blame in the right place.
Her hypocrisy is also disgusting. A self-proclaimed "utopian" democrat, most of us would call a socialist, she tells her son she doesn't give money to a homeless man with a sign that says "Will work for food" because she did once and say the man in McDonald's eating on their dollar. Where did she prefer he eat, The Four Seasons? That's right, he should be getting enough from the government and the top 1 percenters.
She also needs to realize that if her and her mother want to create controversial films involving vibrators in the shower and weird Barbie poses, the school might have a few objections to them working on a film project with special needs children. The word "porn" didn't put them in a bad position, their films did.
I found her Acknowledgments far better than the book. At least she gave her a husband a pat on the back there.
Finally, she claims how she accepted the reality of her son's situation so early. My daughter was diagnosed at 2. She was in denial for 8 years with her oldest and 4 years with her youngest. Doesn't sound like she was ready to accept or do anything about it for quite awhile. I get denial, I lived there for a long time, but in the meantime I did my best to do what the experts said would help. I chose a long time ago to laugh more than cry at my situation. I don't cry at the thought of the possibility of a group home for my child, for that is my decision as her guardian. No tears, when I won't put her there, no tears if that is the best thing for her (in our case, it is not, she's an adult now.)
As parents, the stress of autism on a marriage is indescribable. Not one kind word did she have to say to about her husband and stating she is in a loveless marriage is quite sad. Division of labor is never equal in a marriage, and usually the stay-at-home parent takes on the greater burden because there is no outside world. But drive a man out and most of the time he'll willingly go run. She might also realize that taking anti-depressants will make a woman have little use for a penis and a man very little use for a vagina. Well known side-effect. No objection to her taking them, we all need to get through, but deal with reality and maybe place the blame in the right place.
Her hypocrisy is also disgusting. A self-proclaimed "utopian" democrat, most of us would call a socialist, she tells her son she doesn't give money to a homeless man with a sign that says "Will work for food" because she did once and say the man in McDonald's eating on their dollar. Where did she prefer he eat, The Four Seasons? That's right, he should be getting enough from the government and the top 1 percenters.
She also needs to realize that if her and her mother want to create controversial films involving vibrators in the shower and weird Barbie poses, the school might have a few objections to them working on a film project with special needs children. The word "porn" didn't put them in a bad position, their films did.
I found her Acknowledgments far better than the book. At least she gave her a husband a pat on the back there.
Finally, she claims how she accepted the reality of her son's situation so early. My daughter was diagnosed at 2. She was in denial for 8 years with her oldest and 4 years with her youngest. Doesn't sound like she was ready to accept or do anything about it for quite awhile. I get denial, I lived there for a long time, but in the meantime I did my best to do what the experts said would help. I chose a long time ago to laugh more than cry at my situation. I don't cry at the thought of the possibility of a group home for my child, for that is my decision as her guardian. No tears, when I won't put her there, no tears if that is the best thing for her (in our case, it is not, she's an adult now.)
May 8, 2012
I should have known by the title this was not going to be a heart wrenching story of a mother raising two sons with Autism. I found the author to be offensive and crude. What she chooses to do in her personal life is her own decision and by no means offends me--what does offend me is her poking fun at her two children. As someone who works with children with Autism I feel she is too concerned about writing to actually focus on how this book may impact her family. If my mother wrote something detailing horrible past experiences of mine, I would be devastated. I hope her oldest son Jake never reads this book. He is sensitive to criticism and worries about being made fun of. So I am assuming his mother writing a tell all story chronicling his life won't make things easier for him.
The best part of this book was Jake's writing assignment. He was so honest and provided better insight on how it feels to have Autism than his mother every could write about. I don't think Jeni is a terrible mother she was just trying to write a comedic best seller, but the humor fell short to those of us who love children with Autism and could never imagine making fun of them.
The best part of this book was Jake's writing assignment. He was so honest and provided better insight on how it feels to have Autism than his mother every could write about. I don't think Jeni is a terrible mother she was just trying to write a comedic best seller, but the humor fell short to those of us who love children with Autism and could never imagine making fun of them.
April 29, 2012
I couldn't help but feel sorry for Decker's two boys, who not only have to deal with their self-involved mother on a daily basis but who will eventually come to realize that she wrote about VERY private matters under the ruse that this would be a book about a mother's love. Though I did laugh to myself a few times (hence the 2 stars), I felt guilty for doing so. It's difficult to find the humor when all I could think about was how these poor boys will feel when they read this book! She does make a few attempts to seem motivational and heartwarming, but I don't buy any of it. Her thoughts on her philandering but well-meaning husband are disgusting as well. The whole 'we're only together for the kids' spiel is idiotic and ironically self-serving; she clearly can't acknowledge the good he does for her and how lost she would be without him. Decker thinks she is a godsend to literature while her anecdotes are nothing more than incohesive ramblings that are comparable to mediocre blog entries.
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April 6, 2012I never quit reading a book, I always finish. I actually quit on this one. Totally disgusted by the author.
October 23, 2021
Okay, kids. Let me preface my review of I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames by Jeni Decker with a warning. If you are rendered insensible from frank discussion of topics such as homosexuality, masturbation, and poop, please gather your belongings and locate the nearest exit. Because, though I adore and value you as much as any of my readers, there is no point encouraging you to read a book that will upset your constitution. Each and every one of us have preferences in our reading material. If you are offended by these topics, think mothers should never share potentially embarrassing stories of their children, or are a stalwart social conservative who can���t take a little liberal ribbing - by all means find another book to read. (This is not to be construed as a political stance of my own. I have friends all over the political spectrum and am quite happy to remain that way.) Jeni Decker is unapologetically true to both herself and her opinions and does not mince her words. Some of you might get offended. Those of you with more relaxed literary tastes, however, should remain for the rest of my review.
(Jeni Decker should kiss me for that warning, by the way. It���s enough to tempt curious souls, don���t you think?) ;)
I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames is parts memoir, manifesto, and poetry all rolled into one. They come at you in separate bursts that end up telling the story of Jeni Decker���s admittedly chaotic life. Decker, mother to two children on the autism spectrum and wife to a husband in renal failure, is a woman struggling to deal with the challenging hand life dealt her while managing to pursue a successful writing and film making career. That she manages to do it with such humor and unflinching honesty is to her credit. But she does ��� and all while maintaining a healthy perspective of ���Well, why not me?���.
And all prior teasing about shocking content aside, spectrum kids do have real issues with socially acceptable behavior. Shocking content is often in the job description of parents of ASD kids. My child is too young to worry about that right now, but I have taught spectrum kids before. I remember how horrified I was the first time one such child demonstrated a lack of awareness of sexually inappropriate behavior. I was caught between really not wanting to address it, pity for the oblivious child who had to have it gently explained, and a sense of duty to do so anyway. Puberty, suffice it to say, is rough on kids with autism. And rough on the parents/caregivers who love them. Many of Decker���s funnier stories are related to her kids attempts to make sense of the sexual world, its nature and mores. They, in the direct way of the ASD child, ask uncomfortable questions that Decker feels no more ready to answer than any of the rest of us. So, she does it in the only way she knows how ��� being herself ��� with often hilarious yet touching results.
Interspersed with her irreverent humor are glimpses into Decker the woman ��� an artistic soul deeply in love with and committed to her children, yet passionate in her beliefs and individuality.
���I am one person with many facts, each one as important as the other, and I don���t believe one facet negates the other.���
If you share her politics, you���ll get a kick out her humor. Even if you don���t, try to overlook those jabs and appreciate the book for what it is ��� a brutally honest portrait of the life of a parent with multiple children on the spectrum. Lightning often does strike twice in autism families. (It struck three times in mine.) We need to hear these stories and share these perspectives.
What impresses me more than Decker���s wit, however, are the subtle yet poignant moments demonstrating the very real differences in thinking between autistics and neurotypicals. In one chapter, Decker tells the story of an impossible dream of her son���s and his attempts to have a particular company contact him about his idea. He perseverates on it, and she must endure months of his asking for mail every day. At one point, Decker even wrote the company herself ��� begging them to respond to her enthusiastic but oh-so-different little boy. They never did. She relates notes home from teachers about disastrous school days for her children. Days that obviously hurt the mother inside even while Decker maintains a brave and defensive stance. And strewn throughout her narrative are her son���s touching, often unintentionally moving journal entries and poems.
���I wonder if there are hidden colors in the world? There just might be hidden colors in the world������
I liked I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames. There are moments throughout the book that took me by surprise in their heartfelt rendering of the uniqueness of the autistic mind and the complexities of preparing these children of ours for the perceptions of the world. I left it thinking how, though similar in our joys, frustrations, and fears for our children, we are all actually very different in our individual journeys with autism. We all have stories to tell. And we must be fearless in hearing them. Decker says it best here:
���There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to eat what���s on your plate, not shove it around until it resembles something else. But you���ve really made it when you can find the good that comes out of the pain. Pain and joy are equally necessary in life ��� without one, you wouldn���t be able to recognize the other. What I���ve learned about life is that it���s about getting from point A to point B but everyone does this differently���With each living person, history is left to judge what their contribution to the world might be. Labels, supposedly, inform who we are, but the beauty of life is that it enables us to accept or reject them at will. We can allow others to define us, or decide for ourselves who we really are.���
(Jeni Decker should kiss me for that warning, by the way. It���s enough to tempt curious souls, don���t you think?) ;)
I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames is parts memoir, manifesto, and poetry all rolled into one. They come at you in separate bursts that end up telling the story of Jeni Decker���s admittedly chaotic life. Decker, mother to two children on the autism spectrum and wife to a husband in renal failure, is a woman struggling to deal with the challenging hand life dealt her while managing to pursue a successful writing and film making career. That she manages to do it with such humor and unflinching honesty is to her credit. But she does ��� and all while maintaining a healthy perspective of ���Well, why not me?���.
And all prior teasing about shocking content aside, spectrum kids do have real issues with socially acceptable behavior. Shocking content is often in the job description of parents of ASD kids. My child is too young to worry about that right now, but I have taught spectrum kids before. I remember how horrified I was the first time one such child demonstrated a lack of awareness of sexually inappropriate behavior. I was caught between really not wanting to address it, pity for the oblivious child who had to have it gently explained, and a sense of duty to do so anyway. Puberty, suffice it to say, is rough on kids with autism. And rough on the parents/caregivers who love them. Many of Decker���s funnier stories are related to her kids attempts to make sense of the sexual world, its nature and mores. They, in the direct way of the ASD child, ask uncomfortable questions that Decker feels no more ready to answer than any of the rest of us. So, she does it in the only way she knows how ��� being herself ��� with often hilarious yet touching results.
Interspersed with her irreverent humor are glimpses into Decker the woman ��� an artistic soul deeply in love with and committed to her children, yet passionate in her beliefs and individuality.
���I am one person with many facts, each one as important as the other, and I don���t believe one facet negates the other.���
If you share her politics, you���ll get a kick out her humor. Even if you don���t, try to overlook those jabs and appreciate the book for what it is ��� a brutally honest portrait of the life of a parent with multiple children on the spectrum. Lightning often does strike twice in autism families. (It struck three times in mine.) We need to hear these stories and share these perspectives.
What impresses me more than Decker���s wit, however, are the subtle yet poignant moments demonstrating the very real differences in thinking between autistics and neurotypicals. In one chapter, Decker tells the story of an impossible dream of her son���s and his attempts to have a particular company contact him about his idea. He perseverates on it, and she must endure months of his asking for mail every day. At one point, Decker even wrote the company herself ��� begging them to respond to her enthusiastic but oh-so-different little boy. They never did. She relates notes home from teachers about disastrous school days for her children. Days that obviously hurt the mother inside even while Decker maintains a brave and defensive stance. And strewn throughout her narrative are her son���s touching, often unintentionally moving journal entries and poems.
���I wonder if there are hidden colors in the world? There just might be hidden colors in the world������
I liked I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames. There are moments throughout the book that took me by surprise in their heartfelt rendering of the uniqueness of the autistic mind and the complexities of preparing these children of ours for the perceptions of the world. I left it thinking how, though similar in our joys, frustrations, and fears for our children, we are all actually very different in our individual journeys with autism. We all have stories to tell. And we must be fearless in hearing them. Decker says it best here:
���There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to eat what���s on your plate, not shove it around until it resembles something else. But you���ve really made it when you can find the good that comes out of the pain. Pain and joy are equally necessary in life ��� without one, you wouldn���t be able to recognize the other. What I���ve learned about life is that it���s about getting from point A to point B but everyone does this differently���With each living person, history is left to judge what their contribution to the world might be. Labels, supposedly, inform who we are, but the beauty of life is that it enables us to accept or reject them at will. We can allow others to define us, or decide for ourselves who we really are.���
April 11, 2012
If you like Sedaris, you will like this book. Particularly in the opening chapters, I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the bed. My husband was like, "Um, I guess you're enjoying THAT book!"
This book is NOT for you if you are very religious, super conservative, or have a tendency to judge other women for being very honest about moments of exasperation during child-rearing. It's also not for you if you feel like a good practical joke involving a grandma, an urn, a boat, and a lake might be inappropriate. (C'mon. Have a sense of humor, people.)
I tend to agree with other readers that the humor flagged in the middle, but it was still great writing, definitely worth reading. The poems from Jake are a must-read.
I think Jeni was very brave to be so honest with this book. I learned a lot about autistic children I didn't know, and had fun doing it.
This book is NOT for you if you are very religious, super conservative, or have a tendency to judge other women for being very honest about moments of exasperation during child-rearing. It's also not for you if you feel like a good practical joke involving a grandma, an urn, a boat, and a lake might be inappropriate. (C'mon. Have a sense of humor, people.)
I tend to agree with other readers that the humor flagged in the middle, but it was still great writing, definitely worth reading. The poems from Jake are a must-read.
I think Jeni was very brave to be so honest with this book. I learned a lot about autistic children I didn't know, and had fun doing it.
February 18, 2013
I cannot describe in enough words my hatred for this book. I have never in my life experienced such irritation and disgust as I did when I read this book. The sad truth is that I only got two thirds of the way through when I quit reading it. I have never read such selfish, whiny, garbage in my life! I also have a special needs child and would never say or do the things this woman did in the book.
July 11, 2012
I don't like reading books that make me feel like taking a shower when I'm done with them. And this isn't even in the sexy sense. This book was just unpleasant, jam packed with musings about poop, pee and snot, and what's with those films she and her family make? They sounded awfully dodgy to me. This is just a crude, odd woman. And don't even get me started on her joke of a marriage. I'd like to hear his side of things. Not only was this book icky and badly written, it also needed a good editor. Spelling errors abound. Seriously, no one caught the prez's name being spelled Barak? The best part of this book was her son's poems.
December 2, 2013
No. Everything about this book is a no for me. I thought it was going to be a look at the sometimes humorous situations raising kids with autism (I mean, the title sort of implies that). Instead, her attempts at humor (that I didn't find funny) makes it seem as though she can't stand her children, her life, or her husband. Maybe she can't, but that's not really a book I want to read. It's not funny, it's sad.
Her humor feels cruel to me. She makes fun of her kids. She reveals completely private information about them. She talks about wanting to die rather than live her horrible life. I can't imagine how her kids must feel (or will feel when they read this book).
Her parenting style is also completely different from mine, and that contributes to my feelings about the book as well. She's a filmmaker, apparently, and her films are quite adult in nature. But it seems her two kids (one of whom is five) see it all. One (very benign) example: she complains about her son obsessing about something he saw on Oprah or CNN. Why does she allow her kid with OCD and autism to be exposed to stuff like that? I was endlessly frustrated by this. Expose your special needs kids to adult things and then complain about their reactions in your book...
Also, I don't know about her relationship with her husband, but she makes him sound like an idiot she can't stand. I just don't get it. Why are you with this guy, and how is it helpful to publicly make him sound like an unhelpful idiot?
And some of the language and themes in the book were not my style. In fact, I had to stop reading partway through and just skim the rest. So off-putting. I'm definitely not the target audience in that regard. I don't think I'm a prude, but it seemed like sex was the only thing on her mind.
Maybe some people will relate and enjoy this book, but I absolutely did not. The best thing about it? The stories, poems, and thoughts by her older son Jake. She should have had him write the whole book.
Her humor feels cruel to me. She makes fun of her kids. She reveals completely private information about them. She talks about wanting to die rather than live her horrible life. I can't imagine how her kids must feel (or will feel when they read this book).
Her parenting style is also completely different from mine, and that contributes to my feelings about the book as well. She's a filmmaker, apparently, and her films are quite adult in nature. But it seems her two kids (one of whom is five) see it all. One (very benign) example: she complains about her son obsessing about something he saw on Oprah or CNN. Why does she allow her kid with OCD and autism to be exposed to stuff like that? I was endlessly frustrated by this. Expose your special needs kids to adult things and then complain about their reactions in your book...
Also, I don't know about her relationship with her husband, but she makes him sound like an idiot she can't stand. I just don't get it. Why are you with this guy, and how is it helpful to publicly make him sound like an unhelpful idiot?
And some of the language and themes in the book were not my style. In fact, I had to stop reading partway through and just skim the rest. So off-putting. I'm definitely not the target audience in that regard. I don't think I'm a prude, but it seemed like sex was the only thing on her mind.
Maybe some people will relate and enjoy this book, but I absolutely did not. The best thing about it? The stories, poems, and thoughts by her older son Jake. She should have had him write the whole book.
January 2, 2015
I agree with all the one star reviews - this was a miserable book. I had to skim to the end. As the parent of a child with autism, I was really disappointed - and disgusted - by the book. Does autism produce funny moments? Of course. Should we laugh at them? Of course (if we couldn't laugh we would all gone insane - Jimmy Buffett). But funny moments should be told with empathy and compassion, not with exploitative crudity and insensitivity.
May 31, 2012
Incredibly, Jeni Decker is the mother of two autistic boys with different manifestations of the condition. She is clearly struggling but using humor and tough talk to get her through life. She is trying hard and very committed to being a great mother but not always such a great wife, life partner or person. I found myself laughing at times and being annoyed a great part of the time. This book is quite thought-provoking and I don't mean to be critical of the way she handles what life has given her. However, I can't help but feel, a true partnership of parents and more healthy respect and some honesty between husband and wife would make a tremendous difference to all the members of the family. I cringe to imagine these boys as adults reading the humiliating details she documents here (regarding both them and her own sexual confusion and anger). A bit to grizzly for me and I am not struggling to overcome OCD and autism! I can't help but feel this is unfair and self serving....and will eventually be viewed as unforgivable by these young men.
April 18, 2012
I'm a mother with boys on the Autism spectrum. I found her book filled with stuff I didn't care about- her crazy family, problems with her marriage, etc. I wanted to read more about her boys. Yes, raising boys with autism can have funny moments- but I felt like it was just too much. The book is also very crude and just wasn't my style.
November 18, 2013
A friend of mine with multiple autistic children handed this to me and said, "Read this. It's so much like my life, it's not funny."
Being a mother isn't easy at the best of times. For 18 years, you have full responsibility for another living, breathing, feeling human being, and as a parent, you have the biggest impact of anyone on your child. Even those of us with so-called "normal" children wonder if we're screwing them up on a daily basis. I can't even imagine how difficult parenting is for Decker, who has not one but two autistic sons, one who is still barely verbal.
This book is a raw and in-depth look at her life. Other reviewers criticize her methods and the things she has revealed publicly about her sons. I feel as though I have no right to criticize, as I have not walked the proverbial mile in her shoes. I can see why she does what she does, and right or wrong, I feel it's smart of her to challenge her sons on occasion, instead of always giving in to them because of their autism. The real world won't make allowances for their autism, so to be challenged sometimes by the person that loves them best will probably help them as they get older.
Also Decker refuses to gloss over certain things, just because they may offend her readers' sensibilities. It's clear she's one of those people who puts everything out there because she doesn't necessarily see the point of covering stuff up, just for the sake of good manners. Considering her mother and her grandmother, this is a family trait. Decker is not who we want her to be; she is herself, and that comes through in every page. She's not looking to be voted prom queen, or Miss Congeniality. She is laying everything out for us to laugh along with her. If that is her therapy, more power to her.
I wouldn't say that this is necessarily a funny book, but I think it's important for those of us who have so-called "normal" kids to read about autistic kids and their challenges. If someone reads this book and has more sympathy for a frazzled woman trying to calm a kid throwing a nuclear temper tantrum in the middle of the store, and that reader then keeps any snarky comments to herself and possibly offers the frazzled mother a sympathetic smile, then it's worth everything Decker has put out there.
Being a mother isn't easy at the best of times. For 18 years, you have full responsibility for another living, breathing, feeling human being, and as a parent, you have the biggest impact of anyone on your child. Even those of us with so-called "normal" children wonder if we're screwing them up on a daily basis. I can't even imagine how difficult parenting is for Decker, who has not one but two autistic sons, one who is still barely verbal.
This book is a raw and in-depth look at her life. Other reviewers criticize her methods and the things she has revealed publicly about her sons. I feel as though I have no right to criticize, as I have not walked the proverbial mile in her shoes. I can see why she does what she does, and right or wrong, I feel it's smart of her to challenge her sons on occasion, instead of always giving in to them because of their autism. The real world won't make allowances for their autism, so to be challenged sometimes by the person that loves them best will probably help them as they get older.
Also Decker refuses to gloss over certain things, just because they may offend her readers' sensibilities. It's clear she's one of those people who puts everything out there because she doesn't necessarily see the point of covering stuff up, just for the sake of good manners. Considering her mother and her grandmother, this is a family trait. Decker is not who we want her to be; she is herself, and that comes through in every page. She's not looking to be voted prom queen, or Miss Congeniality. She is laying everything out for us to laugh along with her. If that is her therapy, more power to her.
I wouldn't say that this is necessarily a funny book, but I think it's important for those of us who have so-called "normal" kids to read about autistic kids and their challenges. If someone reads this book and has more sympathy for a frazzled woman trying to calm a kid throwing a nuclear temper tantrum in the middle of the store, and that reader then keeps any snarky comments to herself and possibly offers the frazzled mother a sympathetic smile, then it's worth everything Decker has put out there.
December 31, 2018
Like everyone has said, this is not for conservative or shy people. I do not consider myself either and have often shocked myself with what awful things I find hilarious. This, unfortunately, wounded even my cold dead heart.
At times, there were insightful notes about her life with the two boys with Autism. She makes it easy to feel her frustration and as a parent, make you grateful for your own experiences. Unfortunately, that’s the best I can say.
I tried to see past her weird anecdotes that had nothing to do with the premise. She is consistently self-involved to an almost maniacal degree. I understand staying true to yourself around your kids, but this woman had no boundaries at all and rarely ever called herself on that fact. She is cruel about her children and by the way she was talking about her husband, I assumed they would be divorced sometime in the book — but apparently not. I was particularly uncomfortable when she talks about her telling bedtime stories to her older son and delighting in the way she would make him upset by changing the stories to make herself laugh. What? Why?
Two stars instead of one because I see myself in a lot of the annoying things she does (Namely mentioning how superior she is because she reads David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs— repeatedly.) She reminds me of why I don’t write blogs anymore— the self-aggrandizing verbal vomit is infuriating for other people.
Anyway, glad I got it at he library instead of paying for it. I hope her children never, ever read this book.
At times, there were insightful notes about her life with the two boys with Autism. She makes it easy to feel her frustration and as a parent, make you grateful for your own experiences. Unfortunately, that’s the best I can say.
I tried to see past her weird anecdotes that had nothing to do with the premise. She is consistently self-involved to an almost maniacal degree. I understand staying true to yourself around your kids, but this woman had no boundaries at all and rarely ever called herself on that fact. She is cruel about her children and by the way she was talking about her husband, I assumed they would be divorced sometime in the book — but apparently not. I was particularly uncomfortable when she talks about her telling bedtime stories to her older son and delighting in the way she would make him upset by changing the stories to make herself laugh. What? Why?
Two stars instead of one because I see myself in a lot of the annoying things she does (Namely mentioning how superior she is because she reads David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs— repeatedly.) She reminds me of why I don’t write blogs anymore— the self-aggrandizing verbal vomit is infuriating for other people.
Anyway, glad I got it at he library instead of paying for it. I hope her children never, ever read this book.
April 27, 2012
If you are an uptight, self-righteous bitch with no sense of humor or ability to laugh out loud at life and the "inside" joys of parenting then don't read this book. This book was funny. She takes the reality of life with children with autism and throws the humor on top of the moments that would otherwise make someone lose their mind. One women stated in her review that this mom was in denial for years about her first sons diagnosis, while really she must have missed the part that the doctors just didn't give the diagnosis until they relocated. Parenting is not easy. This mom love her kids and is able to laugh when many others would cry and give up. Sometimes all you can do is laugh. Kudos to her for trucking along with a humorous attitude when life hands you a not so ideal hand.
February 17, 2016
I'm glad I didn't spend more than $2 on this book. I didn't find it funny and I didn't learn anything new about autism. I want to call Jennifer a shitty mother & the only thing stopping me is the fact that her kids are disabled & that makes me wonder if the normal standards apply. I did notice that she lets them drink soda, have a constant supply of fast food and watch stupidity on tv. I don't think that's cool parenting for any child. Especially not when your children are so sensitive to what they're exposed to. I do like, even love, the gratitude she has for teachers. But that's it. I didn't laugh once and whenever she writes about cracking up I find myself wondering if I maybe missed the joke. This book is boring bullshit.
February 5, 2016
I disliked this book almost to the point of hate. It was written like a blog and all about herself. There wasn't any real insight on her children but geared more toward her personality and quirky family. I am not sure what I thought the book was going to be about and I still was disappointed. I would never recommend this book.
There is only one part of this whole book I actually enjoyed and that was when she was describing the "retarded" discussion with her son- which I thought was great insight and a great perspective on this word and what to say and not say.
There is only one part of this whole book I actually enjoyed and that was when she was describing the "retarded" discussion with her son- which I thought was great insight and a great perspective on this word and what to say and not say.
April 16, 2012
I have two boys with autism. Mine fall somewhere in between the Lopez boys. I also a widow with an elderly father now living with us.
Ms Decker wants us to believe that living with autistic boys can be hilariously funny. She says her favorite author is David Sedaris and I think she tried too hard to imitate his writing style.
While I do agree there can be some funny situations raising such boys, it seems like the Decker-Lopez house is one big punch line after another.
Ms Decker wants us to believe that living with autistic boys can be hilariously funny. She says her favorite author is David Sedaris and I think she tried too hard to imitate his writing style.
While I do agree there can be some funny situations raising such boys, it seems like the Decker-Lopez house is one big punch line after another.
May 28, 2012
A a parent of one child with high functioning autism I had very mixed feelings about this book. There were many cringe worthy moments that I too have experienced as well. Her ability to laugh at a truly gut wrenching situation is admirable but her writing style leaves much to be desired. I don't think that a comparison with David Sedaris is fair because his craftsmanship is sublime while hers is far more clumsy.
May 3, 2012
This book is horrible. I continued to try and give it the benefit of the doubt but the writer simply grows more cold, crass, selfish and ignorant sounding as it progresses... WASTE OF MONEY!
September 26, 2012
There were a few moments when I really enjoyed this book. The rest of the time I just kept thinking, "she's not as funny or insightful as she thinks she is."
June 13, 2013
Waste of my time. This woman makes her life with her kids into a chore that is to be only tolerated. Not funny and I think she should get some therapy for herself!
November 28, 2023
The humor in this is very GenX-Boomer. People who say those offended by this book "get offended easily" are just the kind of people who laugh at bullying. They have laughed at a mother bullying her autistic children.
Also, why make the subtitle focus on her children but at least 5 chapters of the 32 don't include her children AT ALL? It's not in chronological order. She says "my autistic son" several times and as an autistic person it just feels like she has to hammer in ohhh God her life is SO hard cos she has autistic sons.
I read this to basically get the flipside, the mothers side since I'm a person with autism and was raised by a mother. When I told my mother I loved her, her constant annoyance and slight aggression made me fearfully repeat it as in "(please love me back, please, I'm trying to be normal like you want) I love you!"
It broke my heart how she wrote about her oldest grating on her nerves, and how everything he did was annoying to her. Wherever you are Jake Lopez, your writing was great and encapsuled me beautifully and I hope you are well.
And I hope Jennifer Decker stubs her toe every single day for the rest of her life and runs out of hemorrhoid cream once a month for what she wrote here.
Also, why make the subtitle focus on her children but at least 5 chapters of the 32 don't include her children AT ALL? It's not in chronological order. She says "my autistic son" several times and as an autistic person it just feels like she has to hammer in ohhh God her life is SO hard cos she has autistic sons.
I read this to basically get the flipside, the mothers side since I'm a person with autism and was raised by a mother. When I told my mother I loved her, her constant annoyance and slight aggression made me fearfully repeat it as in "(please love me back, please, I'm trying to be normal like you want) I love you!"
It broke my heart how she wrote about her oldest grating on her nerves, and how everything he did was annoying to her. Wherever you are Jake Lopez, your writing was great and encapsuled me beautifully and I hope you are well.
And I hope Jennifer Decker stubs her toe every single day for the rest of her life and runs out of hemorrhoid cream once a month for what she wrote here.
May 15, 2013
Parts were humorous, parts not so much. I could relate to much of what Jeni Decker was saying, but sometimes it hit a little bit too close to home. For example, the story of when her youngest son, Jaxson, disappeared from the backyard. Jaxson was a completely non-verbal preschooler at the time and my heart I think, literally, stopped beating as I experienced that pain with her. My youngest is also non-verbal and I had never really contemplated that scenario before. You may ask...."Why not?" To which I would reply, "Welcome to the chaos that is part of my everyday life. In trying to keep up with 2 special needs boys, work, running a household, etc, there are things that get missed."
Anyway, the thought of my little guy lost and unable to call out for help or respond to his name being called to him has given me nightmares for the last few nights. I am grateful to Jeni for bringing this important safety item to my attention to be addressed. (Did you know there's a company that sells temporary safety tattoos for kids? You can get one that says "I'm non-verbal" and has a parent cell phone number on it. Cool, eh?) However, I gave this book only 3 stars because in picking this up, I was looking for more of a humorous escape than what I got. Not bad but not the best.
Anyway, the thought of my little guy lost and unable to call out for help or respond to his name being called to him has given me nightmares for the last few nights. I am grateful to Jeni for bringing this important safety item to my attention to be addressed. (Did you know there's a company that sells temporary safety tattoos for kids? You can get one that says "I'm non-verbal" and has a parent cell phone number on it. Cool, eh?) However, I gave this book only 3 stars because in picking this up, I was looking for more of a humorous escape than what I got. Not bad but not the best.
January 8, 2013
As someone who works in the mental health field, I absolutely understand and support the need to find humor in challenging situations. I can even appreciate that Jeni Decker made an attempt to do so in her book, but her brand of humor felt like it was trying to hard. I'd much rather get my poop jokes from Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler, to be honest with you.
I think my favorite parts of the book were actually the writing assignments that Jeni's son, Jake, wrote because I felt like they provided great insight into his Autism disorder. I would love to see Jake go on to write his own memoirs someday.
I think my favorite parts of the book were actually the writing assignments that Jeni's son, Jake, wrote because I felt like they provided great insight into his Autism disorder. I would love to see Jake go on to write his own memoirs someday.
February 15, 2015
There's not really a beginning, a middle, and an end to this book. It is sort of a series of stories put together by the author. (Maybe a book put together from her blog? I don't really know since I never tried to look up her site.) I don't particularly like how the book was arranged, especially since it is not even in chronological order. Some parts were funny, but there was not really a way to connect with this woman and her experience. I don't recall how I came across this book and how it ended up on my to-read list (it was recommended from somewhere), but I wonder if there are better memoir type books out there about autism.
November 11, 2015
Do not read this if you are wayyyyy too serious or are close-minded. I, however, found this to be rather hilarious. Jeni Decker is a RIOT! I love her sense of humor and her writing style. It wasn't until after I read the book that I saw so many reviews from naysayers. I was shocked. Humor can help us get through some of life's challenging times, and I think that is the main point of this book. I do not have autistic children but have worked with them before and still found this laugh out loud funny. Despite the sight of horrid mother reviews, I seriously hope she writes another book of her entertaining life.
December 15, 2011
I Wish I were Engulfed in Flames is a heart warming, hilarious and real look at one woman's life raising two autistic sons. Jeni Decker is an amazing writer and an even more amazing mother. She deals with the trials of her life with humor and honesty. I was hooked after reading the first chapter 'Tickling the Weiner' and couldn't put the book down until I'd finished.
This book is a raw, unbelievably honest memoir, but most of all it is entertaining and very well written. My hat's off to you Jeni Decker.
This book is a raw, unbelievably honest memoir, but most of all it is entertaining and very well written. My hat's off to you Jeni Decker.
October 5, 2013
Didn't really think a book about autism would be funny but it is. It does talk a lot about poo though but you know what, that is autism for ya! Sometimes in our world (autism world that is) it really is all about poo sometimes. Hats off to Jeni, I think she is a wonderful mother and writer. Please write again about your awesome boys :)
December 26, 2018
This wasn't what I expected. It was fine, but I don't feel like I know anything about her family dynamic. It didn't deepen my understanding of challenges that come with parenting two children experiencing autism.
Every family is different, as is every person, but I was hoping to have a deeper look into what the IEP process looked like from a parent perspective.
Every family is different, as is every person, but I was hoping to have a deeper look into what the IEP process looked like from a parent perspective.
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