What do you think?
Rate this book
Being Perfect
A few times in your life, someone will tell you something so right, so deeply true that it changes you forever. That is what Anna Quindlen, author of the timeless bestseller A Short Guide to a Happy Life , does here.
In Being Perfect , she shares wisdom that, perhaps without knowing it, you have longed to hear: about “the perfection trap,” the price you pay when you become ensnared in it, and the key to setting yourself free. Quindlen believes that when your success looks good to the world but doesn’t feel good in your heart, it isn’t success at all.
She asks you to set aside your friends’ advice, what your family and co-workers demand, and what society expects, and look at the choices you make every day. When you ask yourself why you are making them, Quindlen encourages you to give this answer: For me. “Because they are what I want, or wish for. Because they reflect who and what I am. . . . That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart.”
At the core of this beautiful book lies the secret of authentic success, the inspiration to embrace your own uniqueness and live the life that is undeniably your own, rich in fulfillment and meaning.
In Being Perfect , she shares wisdom that, perhaps without knowing it, you have longed to hear: about “the perfection trap,” the price you pay when you become ensnared in it, and the key to setting yourself free. Quindlen believes that when your success looks good to the world but doesn’t feel good in your heart, it isn’t success at all.
She asks you to set aside your friends’ advice, what your family and co-workers demand, and what society expects, and look at the choices you make every day. When you ask yourself why you are making them, Quindlen encourages you to give this answer: For me. “Because they are what I want, or wish for. Because they reflect who and what I am. . . . That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart.”
At the core of this beautiful book lies the secret of authentic success, the inspiration to embrace your own uniqueness and live the life that is undeniably your own, rich in fulfillment and meaning.
48 pages, Hardcover
First published April 26, 2005
87 people are currently reading
1691 people want to read
About the author
Anna Quindlen
86 books4,724 followersAnna Marie Quindlen is an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 274 reviews
June 30, 2010
I would read Anna Quindlen's grocery list and LOVE it!
December 9, 2008
This is an essay that reads like a high school or college graduation speech. Actually, at first, that's what I thought it was. It would make a great graduation gift... or a gift for a new mom, for the following section is what struck a chord with me as a mom:
"Sometime in the future, if you are young, you may want to be a parent. You will convince yourself that you will be a better parent than your parents and their parents have been. But being a good parent is not generational, it is deeply personal, and it all comes down to this: If you can bring to your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some as amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, a scribble of crayon, would be much more satisfying."
This one got me too:
"Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere.... And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be."
In a nutshell: Let go of the expectations you've allowed yourself and others and society to place on you, and embrace the wonder that is you, faults and all.
"Sometime in the future, if you are young, you may want to be a parent. You will convince yourself that you will be a better parent than your parents and their parents have been. But being a good parent is not generational, it is deeply personal, and it all comes down to this: If you can bring to your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some as amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, a scribble of crayon, would be much more satisfying."
This one got me too:
"Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere.... And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be."
In a nutshell: Let go of the expectations you've allowed yourself and others and society to place on you, and embrace the wonder that is you, faults and all.
Read
November 19, 2014I love the way the photographs in this essay build up the strength of the ideas. Take for instance, the photo of women watching another woman do a perfect headstand. The longer you stare at the photo, the more you notice and begin to see the potential stories behind the image, full of envy, love, and resentment. I bought this book at Goodwill this past summer. It was strange. I read the back and felt compelled to buy it. I then felt compelled to bring it to work with me and it's been sitting on my podium for three months now. I've been feeling more stressed and anxious this past week than I've felt in a long while. Yesterday, I kept myself as busy as possible at work because if I stopped I would surely cry. Today, beginning to turn an emotional corner, while my 9th graders were busy making character charts for Hazel in the story "Gorilla, My Love", I opened it and started to read. It took me less than 20 minutes to finish it. I now know what had compelled me to buy it last July and I'm feeling awed by the way books find us sometimes at just the right time.
December 4, 2016
I loved this little book, really an essay with photographs. It full of wisdom.
"Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion . . .What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
"What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
Some quotables:
"Eventually being perfect became like carrying a backpack filled with bricks every single day. And Oh, how I wanted to lay that burden down."
"Perfection is static, even boring. Your true unvarnished self is what is wanted."
"...being a good parent is not generational, it is deeply personal, and it all comes down to this: If you can bring to your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, a scribble of crayon would be much more satisfying." (less)
"In this little gem of a book (more of an essay-plus-photo-book), Anna Quindlen describes, from personal experience, the ways that the burden of the backpack of perfectionism leads to "curvature of the spirit." In brief:
1) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of her courage to "be yourself" and thereby robs a person of the courage to achieve "the hard work of life in the world, to acknowledge within yourself the introvert, the clown, the artist, the homebody, the goofball, the thinker. Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart" (page 19).
2) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of harmony with other people, since "pursuing perfection makes you unforgiving of the faults of others" (page 40).
3) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of the ability to endure loss and disappointments. Because enduring loss requires a person to summon one's inner resources--the "center of yourself," the "core to sustain you." But if you've spent a lifetime "being perfect" (i.e., bending oneself to meet other people's expectations) then "there will be a black hole where that [personal] core ought to be" (pages 46-47).
Quindlen's book can be read in an hour or two; but it's one of those books that a person will want to re-read every now and again--to reflect and meditate upon whether one is indeed being True to Oneself. (less)"
It comes down to doing your best. Whatever that looks like in any given moment, in any situation. And if you make a mistake, trying to learn from it. Because mistakes are human.
"Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion . . .What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
"What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
Some quotables:
"Eventually being perfect became like carrying a backpack filled with bricks every single day. And Oh, how I wanted to lay that burden down."
"Perfection is static, even boring. Your true unvarnished self is what is wanted."
"...being a good parent is not generational, it is deeply personal, and it all comes down to this: If you can bring to your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, a scribble of crayon would be much more satisfying." (less)
"In this little gem of a book (more of an essay-plus-photo-book), Anna Quindlen describes, from personal experience, the ways that the burden of the backpack of perfectionism leads to "curvature of the spirit." In brief:
1) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of her courage to "be yourself" and thereby robs a person of the courage to achieve "the hard work of life in the world, to acknowledge within yourself the introvert, the clown, the artist, the homebody, the goofball, the thinker. Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart" (page 19).
2) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of harmony with other people, since "pursuing perfection makes you unforgiving of the faults of others" (page 40).
3) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of the ability to endure loss and disappointments. Because enduring loss requires a person to summon one's inner resources--the "center of yourself," the "core to sustain you." But if you've spent a lifetime "being perfect" (i.e., bending oneself to meet other people's expectations) then "there will be a black hole where that [personal] core ought to be" (pages 46-47).
Quindlen's book can be read in an hour or two; but it's one of those books that a person will want to re-read every now and again--to reflect and meditate upon whether one is indeed being True to Oneself. (less)"
It comes down to doing your best. Whatever that looks like in any given moment, in any situation. And if you make a mistake, trying to learn from it. Because mistakes are human.
March 24, 2017
This is a beautiful little book where author Anna Quindlen once again shares her wonderful wisdom on life with us. In Being Perfect, Quindlen warns us of the price we pay by becoming snared in “the perfection trap”. She gently advises us to set ourselves free by making an effort to ensure that our success feels true and right in our hearts. If it doesn't, she warns, it isn't success at all, despite appearing like success to the world looking in.
Quindlen believes that if we start to look at the choices we make everyday - instead of focusing on friends, family members and co-workers' expectations of us - we will be able to embrace our own uniqueness and live a life that is our own, one we can be proud of.
I really do like these little editions from Quindlen. They are but six inches tall and less than 60 pages in length, but they are very reassuring and comforting to read. I like to leave them in a place where I can see them so I can reach for them if and when I need to. Some may find them a little bit sentimental or cheesy, but I would definitely recommend them to anyone who enjoys little life lessons and the words of Anna Quindlen.
“Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be. I don't want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, 'It is never too late to be what you might have been.' It is never too early, either.”
― Anna Quindlen, Being Perfect
Quindlen believes that if we start to look at the choices we make everyday - instead of focusing on friends, family members and co-workers' expectations of us - we will be able to embrace our own uniqueness and live a life that is our own, one we can be proud of.
I really do like these little editions from Quindlen. They are but six inches tall and less than 60 pages in length, but they are very reassuring and comforting to read. I like to leave them in a place where I can see them so I can reach for them if and when I need to. Some may find them a little bit sentimental or cheesy, but I would definitely recommend them to anyone who enjoys little life lessons and the words of Anna Quindlen.
“Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be. I don't want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, 'It is never too late to be what you might have been.' It is never too early, either.”
― Anna Quindlen, Being Perfect
December 11, 2009
I reread my copy of the book (How Reading Changed My Life), and then had Anna Quindlen on my brain. At a recent trip to Barnes and Noble, I spotted her similarly sized book called Being Perfect. As someone who has has those tendencies, but always fails in achieving them, I was captivated and made the purchase. It did not disappoint. It was true Quindlen: lovely, inspirational, and worthy of reading with a highlighter in hand. What I love about her essays is that she is never pedantic. She offers inspirational advice and life lessons in the most inviting way. In Being Perfect, Quindlen argues against falling into the "perfection trap" and goes through her own life history showing how suffered from living under the expectations of others and society, and how she emerged from it.
I particularly loved the advice she gave about being a good parent. She said that children are better off living with a parent who is authentic, and not one who runs in circles trying to be what the outside world deems as proper. Sharing your quirks, your interests, your passions with your children will help them see who you truly are. And that goes for exposing your weaknesses and your foibles. Children need to know that their parents are human.
To strive for an authentic life is what she feels is our greatest calling. To aspire to be perfect is only a limiting exercise in imitation. She offers this advice:
But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
Gosh, how I would have loved to have had her as a graduation speaker! I can't remember a single word that was uttered at mine.
July 2, 2010
My Rating: 2 stars
Brief Summary: This 48-page book (half of which are photos!) is an essay on why we should all give up the burden of perfectionism.
Brief Thoughts (But Really A Rant): I can't even begin to tell you how annoyed I am that this "book" is being sold for $12.95 ($17.95 in Canada). And this isn't even Quindlen's first offense of this nature!!! She did the same thing with A Short Guide to A Happy Life (with the emphasis being on "short"). There is nothing in here you can't find somewhere else for considerably less money or for free. I literally read the entire book while eating lunch! I used to like Quindlen, but think her writing has gone steadily downhill. (I thought her novel Rise and Shine was horrible. But at least you got over 200 pages!) This feels like a popular author doing a money grab, and I, for one, am annoyed by it.
Brief Summary: This 48-page book (half of which are photos!) is an essay on why we should all give up the burden of perfectionism.
Brief Thoughts (But Really A Rant): I can't even begin to tell you how annoyed I am that this "book" is being sold for $12.95 ($17.95 in Canada). And this isn't even Quindlen's first offense of this nature!!! She did the same thing with A Short Guide to A Happy Life (with the emphasis being on "short"). There is nothing in here you can't find somewhere else for considerably less money or for free. I literally read the entire book while eating lunch! I used to like Quindlen, but think her writing has gone steadily downhill. (I thought her novel Rise and Shine was horrible. But at least you got over 200 pages!) This feels like a popular author doing a money grab, and I, for one, am annoyed by it.
January 30, 2013
I almost hysterically fantasize of finding a book one day from an abandoned place that will reveal me the secrets of perfection: will tell me how to be a perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect sister, perfect lover, perfect dancer, get the perfect job, etc. So, my disappointment on reading a book, which asks you to embrace the flaws and relax, seems legit to me. I love Anna Quindlen and maybe someday, when I am old and gray, I will concede to her, but not today. Today I will push for perfection and do some mistakes. At times, life is worth not listening to people, even those whom you admire, so that you can write your own rules.
August 25, 2012
This is actually an essay with pictures; it's unfair to call it a book. I snagged it on my library's Kindle site, because it was available, and Anna Quindlen is a big name. It is a rather aged feminist message (being yourself is better than matching society's expectations of perfection), one that we need to start giving kids (boys and girls) long before they are capable of reading prose by Anna Quindlen.
February 2, 2021
I'd call this more of a photo essay than a book, but it did such a great job of addressing toxic perfection that I'm looking into getting a class set for teaching.
February 17, 2022
In this book, which is really more of an essay than a full-blown book, Anna Quindlen makes a great case for ditching perfection and trying to please everyone else in order to find ourselves.
October 14, 2024
“…for we are all too prone to transfer to our fellows the injustice and violence we inflict upon our own natures.”
August 18, 2019
LOVED the message of this book. Althouth I didn't really need it at this point in my life (I have already taken the longer route to get to the point this book highlights), I still loved it. Very quick read, but so worth it. Woud recommend for any young woman, struggling with who she wants to be.
November 15, 2016
In this little gem of a book (more of an essay-plus-photo-book), Anna Quindlen describes, from personal experience, the ways that the burden of the backpack of perfectionism leads to "curvature of the spirit." In brief:
1) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of her courage to "be yourself" and thereby robs a person of the courage to achieve "the hard work of life in the world, to acknowledge within yourself the introvert, the clown, the artist, the homebody, the goofball, the thinker. Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart" (page 19).
2) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of harmony with other people, since "pursuing perfection makes you unforgiving of the faults of others" (page 40).
3) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of the ability to endure loss and disappointments. Because enduring loss requires a person to summon one's inner resources--the "center of yourself," the "core to sustain you." But if you've spent a lifetime "being perfect" (i.e., bending oneself to meet other people's expectations) then "there will be a black hole where that [personal] core ought to be" (pages 46-47).
Quindlen's book can be read in an hour or two; but it's one of those books that a person will want to re-read every now and again--to reflect and meditate upon whether one is indeed being True to Oneself.
1) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of her courage to "be yourself" and thereby robs a person of the courage to achieve "the hard work of life in the world, to acknowledge within yourself the introvert, the clown, the artist, the homebody, the goofball, the thinker. Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart" (page 19).
2) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of harmony with other people, since "pursuing perfection makes you unforgiving of the faults of others" (page 40).
3) She warns that "being perfect" robs a person of the ability to endure loss and disappointments. Because enduring loss requires a person to summon one's inner resources--the "center of yourself," the "core to sustain you." But if you've spent a lifetime "being perfect" (i.e., bending oneself to meet other people's expectations) then "there will be a black hole where that [personal] core ought to be" (pages 46-47).
Quindlen's book can be read in an hour or two; but it's one of those books that a person will want to re-read every now and again--to reflect and meditate upon whether one is indeed being True to Oneself.
October 1, 2011
I think I need to read this one every week for a while.
Something about a black hole where your sense of self should be... hmmm...
"... Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed.
And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be.
I don't want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, 'It is never too late to be what you might have been.' It is never too early, either."
Something about a black hole where your sense of self should be... hmmm...
"... Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed.
And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be.
I don't want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, 'It is never too late to be what you might have been.' It is never too early, either."
April 9, 2023
I followed Anna some time ago and I’m reading this again. She seemed so optimistic when I read this first in 2006.
Interestingly today I listened to an Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle podcast - “We Can Do Hard Things”. The topic was about society still expecting women to strive for perfection.
Sadly not much has changed since 2006, as we had hoped. In fact with Roe v Wade being overturned my opinion is that things are worse.
It’s a short read and I’m glad I read it again today post-podcast.
Interestingly today I listened to an Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle podcast - “We Can Do Hard Things”. The topic was about society still expecting women to strive for perfection.
Sadly not much has changed since 2006, as we had hoped. In fact with Roe v Wade being overturned my opinion is that things are worse.
It’s a short read and I’m glad I read it again today post-podcast.
July 18, 2025
Love this quote- “If you can bring to your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, a scribble of crayon, would be much more satisfying.”
January 2, 2025
Short but moving piece, enhanced by beautiful photography, that could be a first nudge to tackling perfectionism. Acts as a big picture cry to recognize the problem and begin to push back against it, not an in depth memoir or self-help book. Succinct, approachable, and effective. Made me feel like I could pick up another one.
August 31, 2018
A wonderful short and important piece that paints the beauty of life and perils of being perfect. Recommended to me by a respected male mentor who told me it resonates with him as well.
September 15, 2018
Read with happy life 2018
November 6, 2018
Good concept and beautiful prose, but left me wanting more. I didn't pay attention when I checked out this e-book and did not realize it was just a short essay. Read like a keynote speech at a graduation, as another reviewer noted.
October 9, 2022
Very short and to the point. My favorite line was "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
November 25, 2021
This is good.
Being perfect is nothing more than being in a mold. On a railroad track. Performing a pattern. That’s all well and good. But it is also boring.
But not being perfect means you can be creative. You can be whoever you want to be. Do whatever you want.
Be careful of those perfect little boxes people will try to put you in too. It’s just another form of perfectionism to allow yourself to perform on another person’s cue. Mothers. Husbands. Bosses. They will all try to do that to you I think.
Being perfect is nothing more than being in a mold. On a railroad track. Performing a pattern. That’s all well and good. But it is also boring.
But not being perfect means you can be creative. You can be whoever you want to be. Do whatever you want.
Be careful of those perfect little boxes people will try to put you in too. It’s just another form of perfectionism to allow yourself to perform on another person’s cue. Mothers. Husbands. Bosses. They will all try to do that to you I think.
July 12, 2018
Read this around graduation time while looking for a grad gift for friends. Enjoyable read. Nice lesson / commencement address.
Some really great quotes:
- “What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself” – p. 15
- “Sometimes I meet young writers, and I like to share with them the overwhelming feeling I have about our work, the feeling that every story has already been told. Once you’ve read Anna Karenina, Bleak House, The Sound and the Fury, To Kill a Mockingbird, and A Wrinkle in Time, you understand that there is really no reason ever to write another novel. Except that each writer brings to the table, if she will let herself, something that no one else in the history of time ever has. That is her own personality, her own voice. If she is doing Fitzgerald imitations, she can stay home. If she is giving readers what she thinks they want instead of what she is, she should stop typing. But if her books reflect her character, the authentic shape of her life and her mind, then she may well be giving readers a new and wonderful gift. Giving it to herself, too.” – p. 35-36
- “George Eliot wrote, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” It is never too early, either. Take it from someone who has left the backpack full of bricks far behind, and every day feels light as a feather.” – p. 48
Some really great quotes:
- “What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself” – p. 15
- “Sometimes I meet young writers, and I like to share with them the overwhelming feeling I have about our work, the feeling that every story has already been told. Once you’ve read Anna Karenina, Bleak House, The Sound and the Fury, To Kill a Mockingbird, and A Wrinkle in Time, you understand that there is really no reason ever to write another novel. Except that each writer brings to the table, if she will let herself, something that no one else in the history of time ever has. That is her own personality, her own voice. If she is doing Fitzgerald imitations, she can stay home. If she is giving readers what she thinks they want instead of what she is, she should stop typing. But if her books reflect her character, the authentic shape of her life and her mind, then she may well be giving readers a new and wonderful gift. Giving it to herself, too.” – p. 35-36
- “George Eliot wrote, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” It is never too early, either. Take it from someone who has left the backpack full of bricks far behind, and every day feels light as a feather.” – p. 48
January 1, 2021
SECOND READ, December 2020
Reading this now that I’m finished with college at Columbia (the sibling school of Barnard, Quindlen’s alma mater), I don’t like it that much. It’s very dated. Quindlen writes for a very particular type of woman: white, upper-class, taught to be well-dressed and thin and fit and fall into traditional gender roles and the ideal of marriage. If that’s you, this book might resonate. But I have long been untraditional (non-white, single-mother household, doesn’t perform traditional gender roles) and so this book fell a little flat for me. It also fails to delve into social media culture, which I think is the ideal of perfection for most young women today. A nice message, though.
FIRST READ, November 2018
Someone gave me this book when I decided to go to college in New York City, and I neglected to read it for about two years. I'm glad I finally got around to it, though, because this book is a nice short read. Quindlen goes through some of the realizations she had while a student at Barnard College in New York City. While she doesn't quite say anything new about perfection, pressure, and young womanhood (there are plenty of articles these days which study this phenomenon), she's an eloquent writer and her work (based on her experiences from 1970 to 1974) resonates with me years later.
Reading this now that I’m finished with college at Columbia (the sibling school of Barnard, Quindlen’s alma mater), I don’t like it that much. It’s very dated. Quindlen writes for a very particular type of woman: white, upper-class, taught to be well-dressed and thin and fit and fall into traditional gender roles and the ideal of marriage. If that’s you, this book might resonate. But I have long been untraditional (non-white, single-mother household, doesn’t perform traditional gender roles) and so this book fell a little flat for me. It also fails to delve into social media culture, which I think is the ideal of perfection for most young women today. A nice message, though.
FIRST READ, November 2018
Someone gave me this book when I decided to go to college in New York City, and I neglected to read it for about two years. I'm glad I finally got around to it, though, because this book is a nice short read. Quindlen goes through some of the realizations she had while a student at Barnard College in New York City. While she doesn't quite say anything new about perfection, pressure, and young womanhood (there are plenty of articles these days which study this phenomenon), she's an eloquent writer and her work (based on her experiences from 1970 to 1974) resonates with me years later.
March 29, 2008
This is an inspiring, easy read! With less than 50 pages (and about half of those with photos) I actually read it all the way through the night I picked it up from the library!
On the back cover there is quote from the author: "What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
At this time of my life, this work is on my proverbial radar. Becoming yourself is like breathing, we all do it — every day — without thinking. However, once we decide to surrender ourselves to our Purpose and focus on that, there is the transforming power of intention.
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11
On the back cover there is quote from the author: "What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
At this time of my life, this work is on my proverbial radar. Becoming yourself is like breathing, we all do it — every day — without thinking. However, once we decide to surrender ourselves to our Purpose and focus on that, there is the transforming power of intention.
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11
May 7, 2009
First, this isn't really a book. I mean it is literally a book, but it's full of photos and is more like a very, very short essay or journal entry. A "gift book" if you will. That being said, it's great and may be one that I give copies of to others (heads up, others! hahaha). Anna Quindlen is a wise woman.
I, however, did not choose wisely when grabbing a book to throw in for my flight to Corpus Christi! That's the shortest flight ever, yes, but I finished the book before we even took off and had to buy the next Twilight (New Moon) at the airport before my return flight.
All that to say that this isn't a book to settle in with. It is one to read,keep around to re-read, and let it settle in with you.
I, however, did not choose wisely when grabbing a book to throw in for my flight to Corpus Christi! That's the shortest flight ever, yes, but I finished the book before we even took off and had to buy the next Twilight (New Moon) at the airport before my return flight.
All that to say that this isn't a book to settle in with. It is one to read,keep around to re-read, and let it settle in with you.
February 5, 2010
Another quick essay-book with pictures. I didn't like this as well as other things by her. It mostly promotes non-conformity and, while it certainly is a valuable message, I also feel like it doesn't address the more complicated issues of how to feel successful when you DO need to be like everyone else. Especially as a Christian, we adhere to a set of principles and commandments that bring happiness. Sometimes we need to reach for perfection, even when it's impossible. And sometimes we need to bend our will to God's. Her essay felt shallow in the context of all that. Still, there were a few nice quotes mixed in.
April 10, 2013
Classic Anna Quindlen, I loved it.
"If you have been trying to be perfect too, then perhaps today is the day to put down that backpack before you develop permanent curvature of the spirit. Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for peple who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion. But at one level it's too hard, and at the other it's too cheap and easy... nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
"If you have been trying to be perfect too, then perhaps today is the day to put down that backpack before you develop permanent curvature of the spirit. Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for peple who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion. But at one level it's too hard, and at the other it's too cheap and easy... nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
Displaying 1 - 30 of 274 reviews