Loving Men More, Needing Men Less

by Judith Sills

A psychologist shows women how they can stop needing men--and negotiating with them--and start loving them, offering day-to-day psychological strategies for single and married women that are designed to help them discover the path to true love. Reprint. Tour.

Paperback

First published March 1, 1997

About the author

Media psychologist, keynoter and workplace consultant, Judith Sills, Ph.D, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller, Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way, a clear guide to your own personality pitfalls and a road map for steering around those of your staff and colleagues. She is author of five other popular psychology books which have been translated into 11 languages and is a widely cited expert and nationally recognized consultant in the business of relationships.

Dr. Sills is the contributing editor for the workplace at Psychology Today, where she writes a regular column, which has been quoted in both The Wall Street Journal and the NY Times. In addition, her work has been cited in, among others, US News and World Report, Time, and The Washington Post, as well as on CNN and MSNBC. Dr. Sills is also a regular contributor to the TODAY SHOW, as well as a frequent guest expert on other national radio and television platforms.

A three year National Science Foundation Fellow, Judith Sills received her Ph.D. from the Graduate Faculty of the New School for Social Research in personality and social psychology. She is licensed in Pennsylvania, where she maintains a private consultation practice. From her base in Philadelphia, Dr. Sills travels nationally to address groups across a wide range of industries, teaching a sophisticated skills set with one aim: to make your work less work.

Reviews

[Kimberly Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my favorite book on marriage. I felt its message was and still is unique. As much as I studied this book in the past, I internalized and acted out only part of it, which I would not recommend. Yet, thankfully I’m still struggling to communicate with the same person after all these years, even seeing a tiny bit of progress!

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

An oldie but a goodie. Using some of the concepts with my counseling clients. Although not lengthly this book was not an easy or quick read. Parts were repeatative. I have read later books by this author and didn't have this issue. My favorite take away is what I call the 3 Rs - refocus (off the other person and onto yourself); reframe (to gain an understanding and different perspective); and redirect (do something other than your usual behavior to result in a shift/change). The book's main premise of giving more and opening yourself up to love is inspiring!

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book that focuses on how to keep out of your own way in a loving relationship. Basically it encourages women (yes, only women) to look at why a man's behavior has such a strong impact on them, and then gives us strategies on how to shift from a negative reaction to that behavior to a more loving reaction.

For example, it talks about the man who complains that he has no underwear. One woman responds by saying angrily, "why is that my problem? you know how to use the washer, too!" Another says, "yes, I'm sorry, the kids have no undies either, let's be more diligent about getting the wash done on Thursdays." The third woman says, happily, "Oh, that must be awful for you." And bascially Dr. Sills' point is that the third woman sees her man's reaction, but doesn't get all caught up in it herself.

It's very useful, especially if you happen to be somebody with a tendency to fly off the handle with men.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judith Sills shows women how to stop negotiating with men and discover the path to true love. There are some interesting kind of unconditional love ideas in this book. A few language and situations which could have been skipped, but pretty safe. It had some intriguing ideas.