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Where You Left Me
Lucky—that’s how Jennifer would describe herself. She had a successful law career, met the love of her life in Doug, married him, had an apartment in New York City, a house in the Hamptons, two beautiful children, and was still madly in love after nearly seven years of marriage. Jennifer was living the kind of idyllic life that clichés are made of.
Until Doug was killed in the attacks on the World Trade Center, and she became a widow at age thirty-five—a “9/11 widow,” no less, a member of a select group bound by sorrow, of which she wanted no part. Though completely devastated, Jennifer still considered herself blessed. Doug had loved her enough to last her a lifetime, and after his sudden death, she was done with the idea of romantic love—fully resigned to being a widowed single mother . . . until a chance encounter with a gregarious stranger changed everything. Without a clue how to handle this unexpected turn of events, Jennifer faced the question asked by anyone who has ever lost a loved one: Is it really possible to feel joy again, let alone love?
With unvarnished emotion and clear-eyed sardonic humor, Jennifer tells an ordinary woman’s extraordinary tale of unimaginable loss, resilience, friendship, love, and healing—which is also New York City’s narrative in the wake of September 11. Where You Left Me is an unlikely love story, a quintessentially New York story—at once Jennifer’s tribute to the city that gave her everything and proof that second chances are possible.
Until Doug was killed in the attacks on the World Trade Center, and she became a widow at age thirty-five—a “9/11 widow,” no less, a member of a select group bound by sorrow, of which she wanted no part. Though completely devastated, Jennifer still considered herself blessed. Doug had loved her enough to last her a lifetime, and after his sudden death, she was done with the idea of romantic love—fully resigned to being a widowed single mother . . . until a chance encounter with a gregarious stranger changed everything. Without a clue how to handle this unexpected turn of events, Jennifer faced the question asked by anyone who has ever lost a loved one: Is it really possible to feel joy again, let alone love?
With unvarnished emotion and clear-eyed sardonic humor, Jennifer tells an ordinary woman’s extraordinary tale of unimaginable loss, resilience, friendship, love, and healing—which is also New York City’s narrative in the wake of September 11. Where You Left Me is an unlikely love story, a quintessentially New York story—at once Jennifer’s tribute to the city that gave her everything and proof that second chances are possible.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published August 30, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
October 11, 2011
A book of grief and recovery, and happiness and hope after deep sadness. Written by a young 9/11 widow, it describes on a very personal level the impact of the day itself, its aftermath and the process of recovery and moving on (in the author's case into a happy second marriage).
I hate to say this because of the tragic nature of this book, but I found the author annoying. She comes across as a certain type of woman, the archetypal NYC wealthy wife with a designer wardrobe and limitless funds. She clearly had the cushion of significant wealth (being able to retreat to her Hamptons second home or Florida, being able to completely redecorate her 4 bedroom apartment for a fresh start, etc.). I couldn't help thinking of all those other people who lost spouses on that day (or any other, for that matter), and had to deal with huge financial pressures on top of the emotional impact.
I hate to say this because of the tragic nature of this book, but I found the author annoying. She comes across as a certain type of woman, the archetypal NYC wealthy wife with a designer wardrobe and limitless funds. She clearly had the cushion of significant wealth (being able to retreat to her Hamptons second home or Florida, being able to completely redecorate her 4 bedroom apartment for a fresh start, etc.). I couldn't help thinking of all those other people who lost spouses on that day (or any other, for that matter), and had to deal with huge financial pressures on top of the emotional impact.
September 13, 2011
I have read several 9-11 books written by people devastated by this tragedy and this book, by far was the worst one I read. Jennifer is so in love with herself, the entire book is about me, me, me. The author has a nanny for her kids, plenty of money that includes building a house in the Hampton's (even if it is on the wrong side of the beach according to her) and even enough money to buy a Valentino dinner bag! She loves to name-drop and talk about the "trendy" places she eats and shops. Jennifer gushes and gushes over her friendship with the family of Howard Lutnick, President of Cantor Fitzgerald, whom her husband was employed by.
Jennifer's poor dead husband is truly lost in her story - A horrible book!
Jennifer's poor dead husband is truly lost in her story - A horrible book!
November 30, 2014
Like other reviewers I found myself sometimes in disbelief at her wealth and lack of financial worry after Doug's murder. Yes, even recoiling from it a little, even though I liked Jennifer. It's not the typical experience for most of the 9/11 victims' families. It felt tasteless and shallow of her to be so open about her wealth... fancy restaurants, hotels, a Central Park West apartment. However, it is her life, her book, her experience. To self-censor herself would be to compromise the integrity of herself and the book. Jennifer has every right to tell her story as it truly was, and if she had enough money to keep her Hamptons home and re-decorate her Manhattan apartment, so be it. Were the practical aspects of her life no doubt easier by having wealth than for someone who lost a spouse who didn't hold a prestigious position in Cantor Fitzgerald? Of course. However, that doesn't diminish her emotional experience, her grief. That transcends all income brackets.
Doug swept her off her Massachusetts feet and introduced her to the New York City lifestyle. He promised her three things: to "be big", make her "feel good", and "take care of things". Until death, he did those things. I feel like people might think of her as a my-man-will-take-of-me mentality, but keep in mind she earned her J.D. and worked as a lawyer even after meeting Doug (she did become a mom full-time once their children were born). Doug and Jennifer built a home and a life together, and while more traditional in gender roles than what we often see in modern times, it worked very well for them.
Jennifer's book begins when Doug rescues her one snowy evening; it fast-forwards quickly to the day of his murder. She writes about how gone is generally an innocuous word (the carrots are all gone because the toddler ate them) until it isn't. Until it's the gut-wrenching tragedy of your husband dying in the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil. Jennifer's story captivated me; her honesty made the book impossible to put down.
Jennifer meets Derek Trulson on a chance encounter, and she articulates her role strain between being Doug's wife and Derek's girlfriend. She struggles in this period, obviously, but also relishes the in-between phase. If she has not chosen Derek as a serious partner, then she has not rejected Doug. She struggles with feeling like Doug's wife even while dating Derek. We also meet Doug's family and friends as they experience Derek fulfilling Doug's role. All people, including Jennifer, feel ambivalence at some point about her new love.
Especially unique is her children's relationships with Derek. To Michael, Doug is his father. Derek will never be "Daddy". To his younger sister Julia(too young at Doug's death to have any memories of him), "Daddy" has been the word for what she sees that she doesn't have in relation to her friends with fathers, and Derek truly becomes her Daddy. We see Michael's realization and integration of his reality with his sister's.
The last chapter of the book is devoted to Derek and Jennifer's wedding (the perennial bachelor's first). It's a beautiful, emotional day between the three merging families (Doug's dad jokingly refers to Derek as his "son-in-law") that honors Doug as the fifth member of their immediate family.
Four words to capture this book: open, captivating, intriguing, emotional. Jennifer has been loved by two amazing men, and she knows this. I wish Jennifer, Derek, Julia, and Michael long and happy lives as a family.
Doug swept her off her Massachusetts feet and introduced her to the New York City lifestyle. He promised her three things: to "be big", make her "feel good", and "take care of things". Until death, he did those things. I feel like people might think of her as a my-man-will-take-of-me mentality, but keep in mind she earned her J.D. and worked as a lawyer even after meeting Doug (she did become a mom full-time once their children were born). Doug and Jennifer built a home and a life together, and while more traditional in gender roles than what we often see in modern times, it worked very well for them.
Jennifer's book begins when Doug rescues her one snowy evening; it fast-forwards quickly to the day of his murder. She writes about how gone is generally an innocuous word (the carrots are all gone because the toddler ate them) until it isn't. Until it's the gut-wrenching tragedy of your husband dying in the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil. Jennifer's story captivated me; her honesty made the book impossible to put down.
Jennifer meets Derek Trulson on a chance encounter, and she articulates her role strain between being Doug's wife and Derek's girlfriend. She struggles in this period, obviously, but also relishes the in-between phase. If she has not chosen Derek as a serious partner, then she has not rejected Doug. She struggles with feeling like Doug's wife even while dating Derek. We also meet Doug's family and friends as they experience Derek fulfilling Doug's role. All people, including Jennifer, feel ambivalence at some point about her new love.
Especially unique is her children's relationships with Derek. To Michael, Doug is his father. Derek will never be "Daddy". To his younger sister Julia(too young at Doug's death to have any memories of him), "Daddy" has been the word for what she sees that she doesn't have in relation to her friends with fathers, and Derek truly becomes her Daddy. We see Michael's realization and integration of his reality with his sister's.
The last chapter of the book is devoted to Derek and Jennifer's wedding (the perennial bachelor's first). It's a beautiful, emotional day between the three merging families (Doug's dad jokingly refers to Derek as his "son-in-law") that honors Doug as the fifth member of their immediate family.
Four words to capture this book: open, captivating, intriguing, emotional. Jennifer has been loved by two amazing men, and she knows this. I wish Jennifer, Derek, Julia, and Michael long and happy lives as a family.
April 12, 2011
A moderately interesting memoir by a 9/11 widow. Clearly she went through a terrible trauma, but she doesn't compellingly convey what she felt and thought about her husband's death. I came away most struck by how unconscious she is of her great wealth.
November 8, 2011
I wanted to like this book. I really did. I tried. The premise intrigued me: 35-year-old mom of two loses husband in the WTC. Very similar to my life (except the losing husband part). Or so I thought.
I'm going to echo what several people have previously pointed out: yes, it's extremely sad that she lost her husband so young and in such a tragedy. But she didn't have to worry financially. I wanted to know about the moms/widows who had to go back to work to get food on the table and try to mourn the loss of their SO. Or the moms/widows trying to navigate all the red tape for some sort of recognition.
I didn't like that Jennifer constantly liked to remind the reader that she didn't always live a privileged live -- as if trying to make herself more appealing to the reader. She also likes to drop mentions of expensive clothing people wear, bags, places they frequent. Not my type of story. I didn't finish the book. I read it about halfway and stopped.
I'm going to echo what several people have previously pointed out: yes, it's extremely sad that she lost her husband so young and in such a tragedy. But she didn't have to worry financially. I wanted to know about the moms/widows who had to go back to work to get food on the table and try to mourn the loss of their SO. Or the moms/widows trying to navigate all the red tape for some sort of recognition.
I didn't like that Jennifer constantly liked to remind the reader that she didn't always live a privileged live -- as if trying to make herself more appealing to the reader. She also likes to drop mentions of expensive clothing people wear, bags, places they frequent. Not my type of story. I didn't finish the book. I read it about halfway and stopped.
August 29, 2011
The publishing world no doubt scrambled to find and publish 9/11 related material to coincide with the ten-year anniversary of the attacks in New York and Washington, D.C. After finishing this memoir, however, I remain uncertain as to why the author sought its publication. Was it designed to inspire others facing loss to retain hope for the future? Is it a manual for navigating the grieving process? A testament to her personal tragedy and resilience? Or perhaps its main goal was to memorialize her late husband and keep his essence alive.
On all those counts, this book misses the mark. The author has extraordinary resources that soften the blow of her loss: financial, familial, and social. Moreover, she meets another handsome, successful, and doting man less than a year after her first Mr. Right dies. Such resources and good luck provide less insight into human resilience and less inspiration to prevail over loss than the plight of a less privileged and less fortunate survivor dealing with the impact and fallout of the same tragedy.
The author is not a gifted storyteller; the memoir unfolds mostly in a flat, commonplace, and simplistic manner. She often compares her life to a Lifetime movie, and her memoir itself never rises above the same level of bourgeois cliché. As a result, her late husband's essence never emerges beyond two dimensions.
On all those counts, this book misses the mark. The author has extraordinary resources that soften the blow of her loss: financial, familial, and social. Moreover, she meets another handsome, successful, and doting man less than a year after her first Mr. Right dies. Such resources and good luck provide less insight into human resilience and less inspiration to prevail over loss than the plight of a less privileged and less fortunate survivor dealing with the impact and fallout of the same tragedy.
The author is not a gifted storyteller; the memoir unfolds mostly in a flat, commonplace, and simplistic manner. She often compares her life to a Lifetime movie, and her memoir itself never rises above the same level of bourgeois cliché. As a result, her late husband's essence never emerges beyond two dimensions.
November 10, 2011
I couldn't wait for the end of this book - the only reason I continued to read it was to see if it could possibly get any better but wow...I tired of reading about this self-absorbed woman.
I'm truly sorry for her loss and if there is one redeeming quality about this book it's that it shows that there can be joy again after such an intense loss.
But if I were the widow of the World Trade Center's janitor with four kids and not enough money to feed everyone? It would be hard for me to be in the same room as her after reading this book.
I'm truly sorry for her loss and if there is one redeeming quality about this book it's that it shows that there can be joy again after such an intense loss.
But if I were the widow of the World Trade Center's janitor with four kids and not enough money to feed everyone? It would be hard for me to be in the same room as her after reading this book.
September 1, 2011
This was the fifth in a series of memoirs that I've been reading for ELLE Magazine, and I admit, I'm suffering from second-hand-personal-tragedy fatigue. That said, I tried to be kind to this book, but I sincerely believe that, unless you have something new to say, or a new way to present universal truths, please don't write a book about it. And for God's sake, don't be disingenuous about your circumstances! Jennifer Gardner Trulson lives a privileged life, and it's annoying when she tries to downplay her wealth. It doesn't sound like modesty, just obliviousness to the hoi polloi, compounded by her incredibly silly views regarding people she doesn't know, e.g. women who want a drug-free childbirth, people from the Northwest. I suppose that's how this book is "quintessentially New York," as the publisher's blurb goes. Gag. Way to live up to the stereotype of self-absorption.
And while it's sad that her husband died in 9/11, her writing style doesn't adequately bring either him or herself to life as people you care about. They're madly in love, have two kids, he dies, her friends and family are supportive while she grieves. She brings absolutely nothing new or interesting to that narrative. As a personal tragedy, something she had to undergo, I feel incredibly sorry for her. As a not-very-well-written book, something I have to read to review, I feel incredibly sorry for me.
Fortunately, that's only the first half of the book. Once she starts talking about her religion and relationship with God in the aftermath of the tragedy, she starts bringing real depth to the conversation. And then she meets Derek Trulson. It isn't a spoiler to say that they eventually marry since, you know, the cover clearly displays her taking of his surname, but her struggles to reconcile her feelings for him with her feelings for her late husband, as well as her worries about the kids and how to integrate their extended families, are written with insight, grace and wit. I even teared up a few times as she discussed their efforts to honor her past while combining their futures. I'm glad I stuck out the incredibly boring first half (and really, how sad is it that the tale of a widowing can be rendered boring?) to read the uplifting second.
I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors' Prize program.
And while it's sad that her husband died in 9/11, her writing style doesn't adequately bring either him or herself to life as people you care about. They're madly in love, have two kids, he dies, her friends and family are supportive while she grieves. She brings absolutely nothing new or interesting to that narrative. As a personal tragedy, something she had to undergo, I feel incredibly sorry for her. As a not-very-well-written book, something I have to read to review, I feel incredibly sorry for me.
Fortunately, that's only the first half of the book. Once she starts talking about her religion and relationship with God in the aftermath of the tragedy, she starts bringing real depth to the conversation. And then she meets Derek Trulson. It isn't a spoiler to say that they eventually marry since, you know, the cover clearly displays her taking of his surname, but her struggles to reconcile her feelings for him with her feelings for her late husband, as well as her worries about the kids and how to integrate their extended families, are written with insight, grace and wit. I even teared up a few times as she discussed their efforts to honor her past while combining their futures. I'm glad I stuck out the incredibly boring first half (and really, how sad is it that the tale of a widowing can be rendered boring?) to read the uplifting second.
I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors' Prize program.
September 14, 2012
They say you can't judge a book by it's cover. Wrong. I chose this book solely by its cover and knew it would be a story that grabbed my heart. This is for anyone who has ever lost someone they love, or someone who fears losing someone they love, or someone who remembers September 11th, or just someone, anyone. If it were a novel, it would probably be cheesy and cliche, but it's not; it's one woman's real story of tremendous, earth-shattering loss, and ultimate redemptive ending. I devoured this story, and cried throughout. Where You Left Me hits the spot when you're looking for a book that covers the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and leaves you with hope for the future.
My only gripe with the book was the author's failure to acknowledge the elephant in the room -- her incredible privilege. As someone who has experienced deep losses, I could not identify with her wealthy, not needing to work, Central Park West/Hamptons/kids in private school lifestyle. I wish she would have acknowledged that despite her tragic loss, the external circumstances that she found herself in were pretty damn good, all things considered. I wouldn't have expected her to see this in the immediate aftermath, or even in the few years that followed, but I wish she would have recognized it in retrospect.
My only gripe with the book was the author's failure to acknowledge the elephant in the room -- her incredible privilege. As someone who has experienced deep losses, I could not identify with her wealthy, not needing to work, Central Park West/Hamptons/kids in private school lifestyle. I wish she would have acknowledged that despite her tragic loss, the external circumstances that she found herself in were pretty damn good, all things considered. I wouldn't have expected her to see this in the immediate aftermath, or even in the few years that followed, but I wish she would have recognized it in retrospect.
September 21, 2011
I admire Jennifer Gardner Trulson for her courage and for her ability to move on with her life after her husband's tragic death on 9/11. But she did have a number of important things going for her. First, she and her husband were very wealthy. They lived in an apartment on Central Park West. They were able to send their children to private schools. They were involved with numerous charities, and she and her late husband chaired an event. (You can't do that unless you are a large donor.) Her husband had custom-made shirts, dozens at a time, from a Savile Row tailor. Their friends were very wealthy, too.
Jennifer didn't have to give up her life style after she lost her husband. She kept the apartment and she kept the house in the Hamptons. She still went to expensive restaurants and bought expensive clothes. She stayed in the same wealthy circles. She didn't have to work to maintain her lifestyle, or put food on the table. And she met a man who was new to the city and who recognized that she could provide an entree into her wealthy New York circles.
The book is well written, especially the chapters dealing with the initial loss of her husband and her struggle to survive one day at a time. When she started name dropping, and gushing about all of her wealthy friends, it all seemed too easy and, frankly, annoying. She shopped at Vera Wang for the dress for her second wedding, which was held at an exclusive Central Park location. Her former in-laws loved her new husband. He fit in with everyone, including the higher echelons of the Cantor Fitzgerald firm. They easily sold the Central Park West apartment and moved to a spectacular new place on Manhattan's Upper East Side. The new husband redesigned the whole place. (Sour grapes: I've been living in the same house for 28 years and I still have the original kitchen and an unfinished basement.)
She didn't have to give up much to move forward. I wonder how many other 9/11 widows fared so well.
Jennifer didn't have to give up her life style after she lost her husband. She kept the apartment and she kept the house in the Hamptons. She still went to expensive restaurants and bought expensive clothes. She stayed in the same wealthy circles. She didn't have to work to maintain her lifestyle, or put food on the table. And she met a man who was new to the city and who recognized that she could provide an entree into her wealthy New York circles.
The book is well written, especially the chapters dealing with the initial loss of her husband and her struggle to survive one day at a time. When she started name dropping, and gushing about all of her wealthy friends, it all seemed too easy and, frankly, annoying. She shopped at Vera Wang for the dress for her second wedding, which was held at an exclusive Central Park location. Her former in-laws loved her new husband. He fit in with everyone, including the higher echelons of the Cantor Fitzgerald firm. They easily sold the Central Park West apartment and moved to a spectacular new place on Manhattan's Upper East Side. The new husband redesigned the whole place. (Sour grapes: I've been living in the same house for 28 years and I still have the original kitchen and an unfinished basement.)
She didn't have to give up much to move forward. I wonder how many other 9/11 widows fared so well.
September 4, 2012
I've read a fair number of similr books. Maybe it's my cop-fireman family upbringing, middle class NYC--this was a bit too yuppified for me. Financial concerns were an issue for many who lost loved ones that day. Lack of such does not minimize the author's loss, but her upscale lifestyle and parochial view make her story a difficult on to relate to. For me a far better and heartrending story was "Widow's Walk." also, "Bagpipe Brothers" captures the despair of surviving firefighters. Much better reads.
March 16, 2013
The story deals with the 9-11 tragedy and its aftermath as seen from the eyes of a young mother whose husband died in the bombing. The Midwestern values of my book club did not take well to the author's self-absorption.
December 17, 2015
9-11 widow memoir. Light reading finished in a few hours. Glad to see she moved forward with life.
April 17, 2022
This is the second book pertaining to 9/11 that I have read here lately. This is a very touching story told by the wife of one who lost his life that sad, shocking day.
“Despair isn’t permanent…hope always exists” (67).
“An inquisitive mind and staying organized were the key to everything” (94).
“It didn’t matter how accomplished, psychologically sound, or intelligent a person might be, mourning was the great leveler” (99).
“We didn’t have a choice about what had happened to us, but we could choose how to live with it” (163).
“Despair isn’t permanent…hope always exists” (67).
“An inquisitive mind and staying organized were the key to everything” (94).
“It didn’t matter how accomplished, psychologically sound, or intelligent a person might be, mourning was the great leveler” (99).
“We didn’t have a choice about what had happened to us, but we could choose how to live with it” (163).
September 4, 2011
I had only just turned six when 9/11 occurred. I was in first grade, and just as it is for most young children, everything in my world was black and white so to say. Evil and good where separated easily, and I was wrapped in my own little safe cocoon based on my age alone. While 9/11 did not directly affect me in any ways, I would be lying to say the world and lives of every US citizen did not change in a variety of small and huge ways because of it.
Jennifer Garden Trulson and her family are one example of the big variety. Prior to 9/11 Jennifer, Doug, her husband, and their two children lived an easy and average life. They all loved each other as well as the time they spent together. However, everything changed one day when Doug went to work at one of the two World Trade centers and never returned, and that- as well as the plethora of things that came after- are what Where You Left Me is based on it.
To be honest Where You Left Me isn’t the easiest of books to read, especially in the first couple of chapters. Not because it is boring or written badly, but because of how beautifully it is written and told. Jennifer’s emotions and feelings easily jump of the page and come to life, and because of that, I spent the majority of the first hundred or so pages crying and even full out sobbing at points. Not to say this book is one gigantic tear fest, because it wasn’t that either. Instead, it’s a book that addresses the sadness, hope, occasional joy, and paths that follow a tragic and life-altering event, one that made me tear up, laugh, and even figuratively jump for joy at different points; sometimes all within the same page.
My favorite part of Where You Left Me, though, was seeing how Jennifer came to learned to live with it all and in the process began to live again. It wasn’t an easy journey, especially within the first few months, but by the end her eventful journey was a major focus of the book, one that nearly any reader will fully follow and root for the entire time. I also enjoyed the different tidbits of information about the widows of 9/11 and Jennifer’s husband’s company that came out of the course of the book, because when brought together with the rest of the book, it created an engaging and thoughtful story overall.
Bittersweet, emotional, and engaging, Jennifer Gardner Trulson’s Where You Left Me does the one thing that most 9/11 memoirs, TV specials, and news articles, don’t do: it shows the reader an emotionally charged and realistic story that showcases what happens after the cameras stop rolling. I can’t suggest it highly enough to say the least!
Jennifer Garden Trulson and her family are one example of the big variety. Prior to 9/11 Jennifer, Doug, her husband, and their two children lived an easy and average life. They all loved each other as well as the time they spent together. However, everything changed one day when Doug went to work at one of the two World Trade centers and never returned, and that- as well as the plethora of things that came after- are what Where You Left Me is based on it.
To be honest Where You Left Me isn’t the easiest of books to read, especially in the first couple of chapters. Not because it is boring or written badly, but because of how beautifully it is written and told. Jennifer’s emotions and feelings easily jump of the page and come to life, and because of that, I spent the majority of the first hundred or so pages crying and even full out sobbing at points. Not to say this book is one gigantic tear fest, because it wasn’t that either. Instead, it’s a book that addresses the sadness, hope, occasional joy, and paths that follow a tragic and life-altering event, one that made me tear up, laugh, and even figuratively jump for joy at different points; sometimes all within the same page.
My favorite part of Where You Left Me, though, was seeing how Jennifer came to learned to live with it all and in the process began to live again. It wasn’t an easy journey, especially within the first few months, but by the end her eventful journey was a major focus of the book, one that nearly any reader will fully follow and root for the entire time. I also enjoyed the different tidbits of information about the widows of 9/11 and Jennifer’s husband’s company that came out of the course of the book, because when brought together with the rest of the book, it created an engaging and thoughtful story overall.
Bittersweet, emotional, and engaging, Jennifer Gardner Trulson’s Where You Left Me does the one thing that most 9/11 memoirs, TV specials, and news articles, don’t do: it shows the reader an emotionally charged and realistic story that showcases what happens after the cameras stop rolling. I can’t suggest it highly enough to say the least!
December 23, 2011
This is a memoir about the author's experience losing her husband in the 9/11 attacks, trying to then raise two young children on her own, and eventually dating someone but struggling to reconcile the past, present, and future.
I found the story compelling and interesting, although it wasn't nearly as emotional as it could have been. I think the book was the most moving at the parts where she worries about how her new boyfriend will fit in the life she's created and whether she's letting anyone down by pursuing a relationship with him. The book truly is more about the author and her eventual second husband than about the relationship she had with her first husband, making this really a story about coping with loss and moving on from it. That said, I didn't get much of a feel for her husband anywhere in the book, which is sad, as that could have made the story deeper and richer. The fact that she missed her husband was obvious, since she told the reader she did multiple times, and it's easy to understand this feeling. However, this was told more than shown, as he never really got much page time and the author lived such a rich, privileged life that it was hard to actually "see" her struggle with the weight of it all. For example, she has full-time help with her kids, owns an apartment by Central Park, is rich enough to not have to work yet still have seemingly plenty of money, spends her summers getting away from it all at her custom built house in the Hamptons... I guess the problem was that her struggle was mainly internal and therefore difficult for a reader to really see among all the luxuries that surrounded her.
The book is well written, although the dialogue felt stilted throughout, perhaps because real conversations were being recreated instead of fictional ones made up. Reading conversations definitely pulled me a little out of the story because they felt awkward at times, but the story was interesting enough to keep me interested and reading on. I enjoyed it overall and found her perspective on everything quite interesting.
I found the story compelling and interesting, although it wasn't nearly as emotional as it could have been. I think the book was the most moving at the parts where she worries about how her new boyfriend will fit in the life she's created and whether she's letting anyone down by pursuing a relationship with him. The book truly is more about the author and her eventual second husband than about the relationship she had with her first husband, making this really a story about coping with loss and moving on from it. That said, I didn't get much of a feel for her husband anywhere in the book, which is sad, as that could have made the story deeper and richer. The fact that she missed her husband was obvious, since she told the reader she did multiple times, and it's easy to understand this feeling. However, this was told more than shown, as he never really got much page time and the author lived such a rich, privileged life that it was hard to actually "see" her struggle with the weight of it all. For example, she has full-time help with her kids, owns an apartment by Central Park, is rich enough to not have to work yet still have seemingly plenty of money, spends her summers getting away from it all at her custom built house in the Hamptons... I guess the problem was that her struggle was mainly internal and therefore difficult for a reader to really see among all the luxuries that surrounded her.
The book is well written, although the dialogue felt stilted throughout, perhaps because real conversations were being recreated instead of fictional ones made up. Reading conversations definitely pulled me a little out of the story because they felt awkward at times, but the story was interesting enough to keep me interested and reading on. I enjoyed it overall and found her perspective on everything quite interesting.
October 20, 2011
I'm still struggling with exactly what I want to say about this memoir.
There were many touching and sad and real moments in this book. I appreciated how careful she was to slowly let go of her old life and move into a new one, while still balancing family and friends. The love she has for her late husband is clear and beautiful. And the love she has for her new husband is equally touching. 9-11 was awful and no one should ever have to experience something like that. Thank goodness for all of the supportive family and friends she had to get her through.
On the other hand I think my biggest struggle with the book was that I just couldn't relate to her. Our lives are way too different and I know if something like this ever happened to me things would look very different. Yes, i would have the support of friends and family, but I'd also have to figure out how to pay the bills and if I could afford where I live etc. We have walked with 2 close friends who have tragically and suddenly lost their spouses at a young age, leaving behind children. There is so much more to that grief, moving on process and decision making that most people would have to do that just wasn't represented in this book mostly due to the financial situation this woman was in. I don't fault her and her husband for their success.... They worked hard and earned it. However it did make it difficult to truly engage with the author and have all of the sympathy I wanted to for her situation.
There were many touching and sad and real moments in this book. I appreciated how careful she was to slowly let go of her old life and move into a new one, while still balancing family and friends. The love she has for her late husband is clear and beautiful. And the love she has for her new husband is equally touching. 9-11 was awful and no one should ever have to experience something like that. Thank goodness for all of the supportive family and friends she had to get her through.
On the other hand I think my biggest struggle with the book was that I just couldn't relate to her. Our lives are way too different and I know if something like this ever happened to me things would look very different. Yes, i would have the support of friends and family, but I'd also have to figure out how to pay the bills and if I could afford where I live etc. We have walked with 2 close friends who have tragically and suddenly lost their spouses at a young age, leaving behind children. There is so much more to that grief, moving on process and decision making that most people would have to do that just wasn't represented in this book mostly due to the financial situation this woman was in. I don't fault her and her husband for their success.... They worked hard and earned it. However it did make it difficult to truly engage with the author and have all of the sympathy I wanted to for her situation.
September 11, 2011
Where You Left Me is a beautiful memoir written by Jennifer Gardner Trulson who lost her husband in the attack on September 11, 2001 at the World Trade Center. Doug Gardner, the love of her life and the father of her two children, was on the 105th floor of the North Tower when he was killed. I read the beginning of the book with a box of tissues as Jennifer was totally devastated as she became a widow. She lived numbly for months, but she was blessed with family, a baby sitter, and a group of friends that offered support to her and her children.
This book also chronicled a second love story when Jennifer met a wonderful man, Derek Trulson, who had recently moved to New York from Seatle. Derek loved her children, but respected Doug's memory as their father. Jennifer and Derek forged a new family life together.
Jennifer's story was written from the heart, and she did not write about the politics before or after the attack, or the memorial plans at the World Trade Center. Once I started it, I could not put the book down. It was an emotional rollercoaster with tears of sadness when Doug died, and tears of joy when she had her second chance for happiness.
This book was a Goodreads first read.
This book also chronicled a second love story when Jennifer met a wonderful man, Derek Trulson, who had recently moved to New York from Seatle. Derek loved her children, but respected Doug's memory as their father. Jennifer and Derek forged a new family life together.
Jennifer's story was written from the heart, and she did not write about the politics before or after the attack, or the memorial plans at the World Trade Center. Once I started it, I could not put the book down. It was an emotional rollercoaster with tears of sadness when Doug died, and tears of joy when she had her second chance for happiness.
This book was a Goodreads first read.
September 5, 2011
This is the second 9/11 book that I have read. (Let's Roll was the first one). Even though we come from different social classes and religious backgrounds, love, pain and loss are universal. Jennifer's story is a heart-wrenching one filled with love and loss but also healing and joy. Although I cried thru most of the book, I also found myself smiling and laughing. Her writing lets you take a walk in her shoes. Wow! It was an emotional trip. (Even now I am struggling with the words and this review is going to fall short of how amazing I think she is).
We all have our own memories of that day. I was a young mother, getting her five year old ready for school, when I turned on the "Today Show" to watch the news....and sat frozen like the rest of the world. The shock, fear and grief is something that none of us will ever forget. I remember watching Howard Lutnick's heartfelt interviews about Cantor and the devastating loss of their employees. I also remember the bad press that was directed at him shortly after. How awesome it is to know that he really did do what he said he would do! How sad it is that the press has never acknowledged that!
Thanks to Kristin Dwyer for sending this my way. And my sincere thanks to Jennifer for writing her story. She did an incredible job telling her story and making Doug "real". Wishing her and her family the best!
We all have our own memories of that day. I was a young mother, getting her five year old ready for school, when I turned on the "Today Show" to watch the news....and sat frozen like the rest of the world. The shock, fear and grief is something that none of us will ever forget. I remember watching Howard Lutnick's heartfelt interviews about Cantor and the devastating loss of their employees. I also remember the bad press that was directed at him shortly after. How awesome it is to know that he really did do what he said he would do! How sad it is that the press has never acknowledged that!
Thanks to Kristin Dwyer for sending this my way. And my sincere thanks to Jennifer for writing her story. She did an incredible job telling her story and making Doug "real". Wishing her and her family the best!
July 29, 2011
An emotional rollercoaster that takes you from the past before the event that not only shook the United States, but also Jennifer Gardner's world to the present day (I will not spoil this heartwrenching story for you one bit). I did everything from laughing to sobbing while reading this book and I may be an emotional wall to wreck because I rarely sob during a movie or while reading a book. This one touched me to the core and made me think about how we as a country and some individuals were forever changed by the actions of others.
As we all know that 9/11 made widows and widowers out of many in New York, DC and beyond. I appreciated reading the story of an individual who lived through both ups and downs while trying to live without the partner that she had made a home and life with. I felt extreme sadness for her two young children, who will be forever changed by a day that lives in infamy, they will mourn with many others each year on what has become a national day of mourning.
A truthful story with a soul and one that continues as each day can be a struggle when you have lost someone close so quickly. A recommended read for those who wish to read a personal story that started on 9/11, but is still being written.
As we all know that 9/11 made widows and widowers out of many in New York, DC and beyond. I appreciated reading the story of an individual who lived through both ups and downs while trying to live without the partner that she had made a home and life with. I felt extreme sadness for her two young children, who will be forever changed by a day that lives in infamy, they will mourn with many others each year on what has become a national day of mourning.
A truthful story with a soul and one that continues as each day can be a struggle when you have lost someone close so quickly. A recommended read for those who wish to read a personal story that started on 9/11, but is still being written.
August 2, 2011
I knew going into this book, it would be an interesting one. I mean this in a good way. I was not wrong. In fact, I liked this more than I could predict. Mrs. Gardner Trulson did a great job of showing who Doug; her husband was, in the brief moments that he was in the book. Sadly, Doug lost his life in the September 11th attack on the twin towers. I can remember this day and what I was doing. I will remember this one moment that just really made it all real for me. I was driving home from school and I spotted an American flag flying half mast and all of a sudden Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A” started playing on the radio. It was at that moment that I broke down and cried and really prayed for all the lost souls and everyone in the world. So I could not imagine nor would I want to be in Jennifer’s shoes when she learned about her Doug’s death. Luckily for Jennifer, she had a good support system. Jennifer is a strong woman. She was left to raise two young children, which it sounds like they turned out just fine. Where You Left Me is not a book about revenge or regrets. It is a book about love, loss, sorrow, second chances, and happy endings. I dare you to not fall in love with Jennifer.
September 27, 2011
I'm surprised at the number of reviews I see that say something along the lines of "Yes this was tragic BUT...she had money and friends etc. etc." What I took from the book was that while, yes she had resources, it was the heart wrenching lost that she was flatten by and wasn't sure she'd get through. The most touching lines in the book for me were when she said to her sister, "I just want it to be a year from now." because she didn't think she'd make it through and just wanted the time to go by. And then a year was gone and she said to her lost husband, "Ok, Doug, I made it through the year. You can come back now." Just heart breaking. The story of how she incorporated her love for her husband, the love for her family, her new circumstances and eventually a new husband was what was uplifting to me about this book.
I did think the dialogue was a little forced at times and not real to me. But overall I was captivated by the story and it left me touched. Make sure to have the tissues available when you are reading. Because Jennifer was just one of thousands of people who were feeling the same kind of loss. My tears were for Jennifer, her family, all of the other families and our entire country.
I did think the dialogue was a little forced at times and not real to me. But overall I was captivated by the story and it left me touched. Make sure to have the tissues available when you are reading. Because Jennifer was just one of thousands of people who were feeling the same kind of loss. My tears were for Jennifer, her family, all of the other families and our entire country.
October 6, 2015
I suppose some people would find this book interesting, but I was very disappointed. The author is so self-absorbed, you'd think she was the only one who lost a loved one on Sept. 11, 2001. It is all about her loss and how she coped. Not once does she think about why the tragedy happened and contemplate the larger issues in the world and how they affected the situation. Her husband might as well have been stabbed on the subway. But even then, if it were me and I was writing a book about my husband's murder, I would write about crime and why it happens.
When I'd finished the book, I felt sorry for her husband and his parents, but not particularly for her. She is so shallow that what she was wearing on every social occasion and how she remodeled her apartment after her husband's death were more important to her than thinking about why this happened and if there was anything she could do to help keep it from happening again. For instance, she goes on and on about the flowers for her second wedding. I had to force myself to finish this book, and that hardly ever happens to me! In fact, I probably wouldn't have finished it except it was a book club pick.
When I'd finished the book, I felt sorry for her husband and his parents, but not particularly for her. She is so shallow that what she was wearing on every social occasion and how she remodeled her apartment after her husband's death were more important to her than thinking about why this happened and if there was anything she could do to help keep it from happening again. For instance, she goes on and on about the flowers for her second wedding. I had to force myself to finish this book, and that hardly ever happens to me! In fact, I probably wouldn't have finished it except it was a book club pick.
November 15, 2011
I have read a couple of 9/11 books recently and it does not getting any easier! This book was written by a 9/11 widow for the 10th anniversary of the attack. It is well written and moving. It is interesting to read the similarities between widows, and also the differences. This woman was married to a senior VP of Cantor Fitzgerald, the company who lost the most people in the attacks. Their best friends were the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald and his wife. As a widow, she was financially stable and able to maintain her lifestyle. You cannot fault her for that. I am glad that I read some of the other memoirs first so that I was not tainted by that fact, and could focus more on the loss and how she coped, and the similarities she had with the other widows.
June 29, 2012
Just finished this book. The writing was fine, not complicated, not difficult to follow. And, I appreciated the author's honesty about her experiences, feelings & emotions after her husband's horrific death, but like others, I found that I really could not relate to her. I don't think she honestly understands how different her life is from so many women. Maybe it's the East Coast vs. West Coast experience. I just could not relate to her at all, no matter how hard I tried.
At the end of the book, I came to the conclusion she must be the LUCKIEST woman on the planet to find not one, but two, perfect men to marry. How does that happen....? Money and good looks!
At the end of the book, I came to the conclusion she must be the LUCKIEST woman on the planet to find not one, but two, perfect men to marry. How does that happen....? Money and good looks!
February 20, 2013
Where You Left Me by Jennifer Gardner Trulson is part memoir, part love story--seamlessly weaved into one perfectly poignant package. Trulson is an outstanding writer with a very unique ability to express her emotions while making the reader feel as if he/she is right there in that moment with her. An excellent debut. I hope she'll consider another book, even if unrelated to her tragic loss.
September 18, 2023
I have read several memoirs about 9/11 and have felt such empathy with the people affected by this horrible day.
I feel for the author, I cannot come close to imagining her pain and I give her kudos for writing a memoir.
For me, this book is separated in two parts....her story about her life with and without Doug and part two is about Derek (the new guy in her life).
Her writing style is "to the point" and honest, but throughout the book there is a touch of "gigly girl factor" that is annoying.
She tells us how wonderful her husband was with sentences that can only be described as "gushy" and then, turns around and does the same think about Derek.
Some of the passages in the second part of the book are, for me, "cringeworthy".
The other thing that bugged me was the fact that she is completely oblivious to how ungrateful she is.
She has moral, financial and emotional support to help her through...I am sure the families of those who lost people could certainly use this same kind of attention.
When she writes about redecorating and about the Hamptons I just shook my head....."we get it $ is not a factor and you never have to work in your lifetime or even worry about finding $ or a man, we get it".
I feel for the author, I cannot come close to imagining her pain and I give her kudos for writing a memoir.
For me, this book is separated in two parts....her story about her life with and without Doug and part two is about Derek (the new guy in her life).
Her writing style is "to the point" and honest, but throughout the book there is a touch of "gigly girl factor" that is annoying.
She tells us how wonderful her husband was with sentences that can only be described as "gushy" and then, turns around and does the same think about Derek.
Some of the passages in the second part of the book are, for me, "cringeworthy".
The other thing that bugged me was the fact that she is completely oblivious to how ungrateful she is.
She has moral, financial and emotional support to help her through...I am sure the families of those who lost people could certainly use this same kind of attention.
When she writes about redecorating and about the Hamptons I just shook my head....."we get it $ is not a factor and you never have to work in your lifetime or even worry about finding $ or a man, we get it".
February 3, 2022
I would give 3.5 stars if I could. This isn't my usual taste in books, but I've been grieving for the past year and have just been going with the flow. Though I could never relate to the author's life, or her tragic loss, I respected her right to tell her story her way. I'm glad I didn't read the other reviews until I was almost finished with the book. Too many people were critical of her financial means and the life she lived in Manhattan. Of course she was better off that a lot of people who lost family members in 9/11 and maybe she was oblivious to that fact as she was writing, but I don't think that makes her loss or her struggle any less painful than anyone else's. She did name drop a lot, not just people but places, but since I don't live there, I didn't know enough to think of it as anything other than another place to eat or shop.
I'm glad she got her happy ending.
I'm glad she got her happy ending.
July 26, 2020
If I hadn't have known this was a memoir, this book read like a Hallmark or Lifetime movie. Sure, Jennifer had a charmed life with Doug, a principal of the Cantor Fitzgerald group in New York. Money... priviledge.
When he died that day, life as she knew it ceased. I cannot imagine her loss (as well as the loss of any of the family members who were lost that day.) Her miracle was the support of family and friends and the appearance of Derek, who gave her space and normalcy to see how life continues.
When he died that day, life as she knew it ceased. I cannot imagine her loss (as well as the loss of any of the family members who were lost that day.) Her miracle was the support of family and friends and the appearance of Derek, who gave her space and normalcy to see how life continues.
April 22, 2018
Interesting book but not one that I'd recommend to anyone. Unlike other 9/11 books, my eyes remained dry to the end and I didn't feel much emotion concerning Jennifer. I'm not sure who her target audience was meant to be. I am not Jewish and know very little about the religion, so mentioning Jewish things without a brief explanation was confusing (i.e. shiva). I feel like she glossed over a lot of her mourning which would have been interesting to read. At one point towards the end, her son mentions her staying in bed for a few months after 9/11 (grieving, I'm sure) but that wasn't really talked about in the beginning as it happened. It's like she made an outline of 10-15 random stories or talking points (written in chronological order) and left it at that. It was actually interesting reading about her lifestyle. I do not know anyone from NYC and definitely nobody with her kind of lifestyle. Obviously the people who died in the tower were from all walks of life so it's no surprise that somebody as wealthy as her lost a loved one. What I did find annoying was that instead of saying something like, "while the kids and I enjoyed breakfast at a restaurant one morning," she always had to mention the name of the restaurant she was at or the name of the clothing store she was in. At one point she mentioned the name of a restaurant (I think it was called Butter???) and then had to tell the audience that it was the newest trendy restaurant at that time. Ok, we get it, you're uber wealthy and enjoy an extremely upper class lifestyle! It was enjoyable to read that she was able to move on and find a man who was willing to be with her despite her tragic past and raise her two young children as his own.
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