1. I intentionally read some real crap. This book is worse than those books. This might be the worst book I have ever read.
2. On the cover is a Nazi riding a Unicorn. A motherfucking Nazi is riding a fucking UNICORN!! That is fucking badass. That is the kind of shit that should just write itself into awsomeness! Seriously, this is like having at your disposal all the plot points to make the greatest Star Wars movie ever, have Boba Fett's father, the Clone Wars that sounded so fucking awesome in the original movies, all of the Jedi's getting their asses handed to them, the Dark Side giving a bigger ass kicking to the Alliance than in Empire Strikes Back, having all of this and then creating the episodes 2 and 3. This book is that bad! It's just not as disappointing because my youth didn't have any expectations for Nazi's and Unicorns in it. This wasn't some of the best memories of being a little kid getting anally raped by George Lucas, in Star War terms this was more like Greedo shooting first. Inexplicably retarded.
3. Maybe the position has been filled, but for Goodreaders living in the San Francisco area, Night Shade Books is desperately in need of an editor. While the quality was a step above self-published in the spelling and grammar department, there was no reason for this book to exist in its finished form.
4. I started this book a year ago. I made it halfway through the 600 pages (I stopped on about page 310) and forgot about the book until last week when Karen suggested I finally finish this after reading about the Nazi's in a history book.
4a. The history book didn't mention time portals, or unicorns.
4 (cont). The 290 pages I read in the past week were painful. I had already thought this might be the worst book ever, but I didn't realize that the second half of the book would have 2 big plot events, one that would take up a whole five pages or so in the last ten or so pages, and one other that would happen about 100 pages from the end. The rest of the 300 pages were retellings of pretty much the first half of the book, endless reiterations of the parallels between the German's vs. the Jews and Slavs and the Big Blond Assholes vs. the little dark people in Unicorn land, and how he Nazi solider is learning that the little dark people are people too, and maybe this means the Russians and Jews were too. Endlessly telling this. Over and over and over and over and over. And when this wasn't being said, endlessly talking about ho the main character boffed, made whoopie, slept with, had sex with, banged, got a blow job from a big blond goddess who is hotter than anything you can possibly imagine, like a barbie doll with a workable cooze. And how awesome it was, and with all of the words that pre-teen boys use for sex. And in the brief moments when the narrator isn't thinking about that, there are comments about how often he needs to get some, because he's a man, and he needs some and he has to get some because men need it all of the time, they need to boff women.
Needless to say, nothing really happened in the last half of the book that anyone couldn't see coming. The Nazi realizes that everyone is a person and maybe it's wrong to discriminate against them.
5. The unicorns are barely in the fucking book and even when they are they don't do much of anything.
RIPOFF!! UNICORN RIPOFF!!
6. Another reviewer politely mentioned that Turtledove is so repetitive that thirty pages would be cut out of the book if the repetitions were cut out. I disagree. I think at least 100 pages could be excised from this book on repetition alone, and the whole book could be edited down to under 300 pages, if anyone at this hack-shop of a publisher cared enough about the reader to make this book as painless as possible (actually to be as painless as possible, they should have sent the manuscript back to Harry Turtledove, told him to go get himself laid to get himself over his frustrations, or to not let his thirteen year old son interject all of his wet dreams and theories of sex into the book. Or maybe just use the manuscript as toilet paper).
7. All of this said, I'm the loser who read this, and who spent money on it. I feel cheated of my five bucks or whatever this cost me. I want my money back Turtledove, and then I want you and Lucas to go fuck off with each other and never possibly ruin anything for me, ever, ever again.