Arms Wide Open: A Midwife's Journey

by Patricia Harman

The author of The Blue Cotton Gown recounts living free and naturally against all odds—and discovering her true calling as a midwife—in this deeply moving memoirIn her first, highly praised memoir, Patricia Harman told us the stories patients brought into her exam room, and her own story of struggling to help women as a nurse-midwife in medical practice with her husband—an OB/GYN—in Appalachia. Now, Patsy reaches back to the 1960s and 1970s, recounting how she learned to deliver babies and her youthful experiments with living a fully sustainable, natural life.Drawing heavily on her journals, Arms Wide Open goes back to a time of counter-culture idealism that the boomer generation remembers well. Patsy opens with stories of living in the wilds of Minnesota in a log cabin she and her lover build with their own hands, the only running water being the nearby streams. They set up beehives and give chase to a bear competing for the honey. Patsy gives birth and learns to help her friends deliver as naturally as possible.Weary of the cold and isolation, Patsy moves to a commune in West Virginia, where she becomes a self-taught midwife delivering babies in cabins and homes. Her stories sparkle with drama and intensity, but she wants to help more women than healthy hippie homesteaders. After a ten-year sojourn for professional training, Patsy and her husband return to Appalachia, where they set up a women's health practice. They deliver babies together—this time in hospitals—and care for a wide variety of gyn patients. They live in a lakeside contemporary home, though their hearts are still firmly implanted in nature. The obstetrical climate is changing. The Harmans' family is changing. The earth is changing—but Patsy's arms remain wide open to life and all it offers.Her memoir of living free and sustainably against all odds will be especially embraced by anyone who lived through the Vietnam War and commune era, and all those involved in the back-to-nature and natural-childbirth movements.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Medical, Biography Memoir, Womens

305 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Patricia Harman has spent over thirty years caring for women as a midwife, first as a lay-midwife, delivering babies in cabins and on communal farms in West Virginia, and later as a nurse-midwife in teaching hospitals and in a community hospital birthing center.

She spent over a decade in the sixties and seventies in her wild youth living in rural communes in Washington (Tolstoy Farm), Connecticut (The Committee for Non-Violent Action) and Minnesota (Free Folk). During the Vietnam years, she and her husband, Tom Harman, traveled the country, often hitch-hiking, as they looked for a place to settle. In 1974 they purchased a farm with a group of like-minded friends on top of a ridge in Roane County, West Virginia. Here on the commune, they built log houses, dug a pond, grew and preserved their own food and started the Growing Tree Natural Foods Cooperative.

It was during this time that Patsy attended her first home birth, more or less by accident. "Some people are destined," she has written. "I was staying at a woman friend's commune when she went into labor and I ended up delivering my first baby." Soon after, Harman traveled to Austin, Texas to train with a collective of home-birth midwives. When she returned, she became one of the founding members of The West Virginia Cooperative of Midwives. Her passion for caring for women and babies led her to become an RN as the first step in getting licensed as certified nurse midwife. In 1985, with her children, a yowling cat and her husband she traveled north, pulling a broken down trailer to begin her training at the University of Minnesota where she received her MSN in Nurse-Midwifery.

For the past twenty years, Ms. Harman has been a nurse-midwife on the faculty of The Ohio State University, Case Western Reserve University and most recently West Virginia University. In 1998 she went into private practice with her husband, Tom, an OB/Gyn, in Morgantown, West Virginia. Here they devoted their lives to caring for women and bringing babies into the world in a gentle way.

When, in 2003, the cost of liability insurance for Obstetrics sky-rocketed from $70,000 a year to $110,000, the Harman's decided to give up deliveries. Though many loyal patients grieved the loss of their favorite mid-wife/physician team, the change in life style gave the author time to begin writing her first book, The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir.

Patricia Harman still lives and works with her husband, Ob/Gyn Thomas Harman, in Morgantown, West Virginia at their clinic, Partners in Women's Health Care. Though she no longer attends births, she provides care for women in early pregnancy and through-out the life span. She brings to this work the same dedication and compassion she brought to obstetrics."

Reviews

[Ciara · Rating 2 out of 5]

i had a really tough time getting into this book. i sped through the first fifty pages & then found myself completely wiped out. because the first two-thirds of the book really just document the author's life as an enormous hippie. there was no real narrative thread, as far as i could discern. characters, settings, & choices are presented with very little context & it was difficult for me to find my bearings enough to care about the author's next big hippie adventure. not that there was necessarily much adventure in this book.

it is split into three sections. the first section finds the author, patsy, living on a homestead in the minnesota woods with her partner, stacy, & their son. stacy loves homesteading but patsy seems to have a difficult time making the commitment. she misses her friends from the city & the experience of living in a communal environment. she & stacy hope to attract some of their activist colleagues into the homesteading lifestyle, but no one seems to be that interested.

patsy explains that when she gave birth to her son, she & stacy had to travel a long way to find a hospital & a doctor that would permit a natural birth with the father present. they were unable to find a midwife to help them out. patsy starts teaching very casual childbirth classes at the library in the city (when she can make it into town), primarily based on her own birth experience & a stack of like ten books she has read. that kind of blew me away. by that logic, i am more than qualified to be a childbirth educator! the author does not show any awareness whatsoever that not everyone who gives birth is going to have their perfect healthy dream birth. i don't know. it seemed weird & kind of facile.

& then patsy decides she can't take the isolation on the homestead anymore. she & stacy split up & she goes traveling.

part two finds her living on a new homestead, this time in kentucky, with her new partner, tom. stacy has followed her there & lives in a cabin on the same farm with his new partner. i was like, "surely this is where the midwifery stuff really picks up!" but...not really. patsy has another baby & she travels down to texas to apprentice with a midwife for a couple of weeks. she meets her first male midwife while she is there & is blown away. back home, tom starts to get interested in becoming an EMT & encourages patsy to go to nursing school.

the third section of the book fast forwards all the way to the mid/late 00s. patsy says she spent nearly thirty years delivering babies, & tom went on to medical school & became an ob/gyn because he enjoyed medicine so much. together they went into private practice. they did births, & tom specialized in treating women with chronic pelvic pain. but by the time this section opens, they no longer deliver babies--they just do pre-natal care for pregnant patients. patsy says they made this decision "after the malpractice scare a while back," but she never explains what the fuck she's talking about. i kept waiting for some explanation as to how a book that is billed as a "midwife's journey" ends with the midwife in question not delivering babies anymore, but this entire section (which was interminable) was just about how patsy & tom hit a rough patch personally & professionally. their clinic became known as the place to go in order to get a prescription for painkillers & it dragged tom down to the point that their marriage was threatened. there's LOTS of talk about how they own two huge houses now & how they have struggled to balance their current lives & professions with the ideals of their youth--although there is very little that explains or shows exactly how they are doing that. they come across as stereotypical ex-hippies that went professional & live comfortable lives of blithe class privilege. not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that, but...skinnydipping in the lake & listening to the grateful dead every now & again is a pretty paltry example of "living your ideals".

& then the book ends. i don't know. there was a whole lot of whining in here, but not a whole lot of midwifery. i am very relieved that i picked this up at the library & didn't spend money on it. if you really love books about midwifery or hippies, i'd recommend checking this out of the library, but everyone else can probably give it a pass.

[Chris Spiegel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having just finished, and enjoyed, Harman's novel, The Midwife of Hope River, I was anxious to read her memoir, Arms Wide Open: A Midwife's Journey. The memoir begins when Harman, unable to sleep and wandering the house, uncovers her dusty journals. She begins to look back upon her decades as a rural, and later hospital-based, midwife and Cerified Nurse Midwife. Interlaced throughout is Patricia's lyrical, nature-centered voice. Whether she is describing her encounters with curious bears, tape worms, and runaway bees or relating past deliveries of hippy births in the midst of isolating snow storms, Harman reaches down to your core and makes you think. Patricia Harman inspires her readers to live more intentionally in the here and now while perhaps romanticizing a bit about life on a rural commune during the sixties and seventies.
I anxiously await more from Patricia Harman. She's not only a wise woman, and midwife, she's also an amazingly talented writer!

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's a great deal about this book that didn't make sense to me. The structure - three sections, with long years between each one - gives the book a disjointed feel that it never really overcomes. How Patricia and her family members get from one moment to the other is never really explained, a situation that's particular jarring when it comes to the third section. Patricia is an out-and-out hippy for parts one and two of the book, but by part three she's living in a gated community in a large, expensive house. How did that happen? How did she and her husband square that with their older beliefs? The author makes a joke at one point about spraying Round-Up on her drive to get rid of weeds, when she used to strive to live as lightly on the earth as possible, but it's a joke that falls flat. How do you end up spraying Round-Up after years of conscious subsistence living? Similarly, by section three, Patricia is no longer delivering babies, explained briefly as a decision based on the economics of medical insurance. But how can that be? How does someone who believes birth should be handled by women making conscious choices about their bodies give that up? Much seems tied to the fact that Patricia and her husband run a private practice - the insurance, for example, was too expensive for them to carry - but what matters more? The private practice, or the commitment to women and birth? I could have been persuaded that the practice was meaningful and necessary to them both, but I was never given the chance to sign on as a reader - the events had already happened when the narrative of part three began, and they were given short shrift from then on.

I never particularly bought the belief system that informed parts one and two - there's something unsettling to me about a group of white folks choosing to cut themselves off from society and living in poverty when they have other options, especially when those white folks are surrounded by other people who have no choice about the dire financial situations they're in. I also felt very uncomfortable by little moments of cultural appropriation throughout, be it comments about how "the Chippewa" "melt" into the woods (!?) or borrowing from other spiritual systems without acknowledgement of the complicated imbalances of power at work in those acts. Not a book I'd recommend.

[Melinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an engaging, thoughtful memoir, focusing primarily on the author’s life in hippie culture, living as off-grid as possible, first with her partner and later as part of a commune. Patricia Harman tells the story of her introduction into midwifery, starting with her first time giving birth, in one of the few hospitals that wouldn’t tie down a woman to the bed, and through her journey of helping other women give birth. Harman’s account of living a rural, low-energy life is engaging, and whenever I put the book down, my mind kept wandering back to her story. But very jarringly, the book ends with Harman and her husband’s sudden return to a self-professed `yuppie’ lifestyle. It’s hard to understand what change occurred for them to go from living a low-impact life of poverty in solidarity with the third world to using Bluetooth and owning a vacation home. What’s even more discordant is the way Harman fails to address or explain this sudden shift. Overall, the book is an interesting read, but it would be far more effective if Harman either focused on the first part of her life or actually showed the transition between trudging miles through the snow one day and chatting on her cell phone the next. Otherwise, it’s hard to see where the characters are really coming from. The memoir could use some more character development, and I would also be interested in more backstory showing how the author and her peers were drawn to living as anti-war, self-sufficient homesteaders. I was bothered by some ignorant remarks about race and trans people. Considering how recently the book was published, I would expect the author to be more aware of prejudices beyond those addressed by 1970s white feminism. Despite its flaws, I would recommend this book to anyone interested in homesteading and/or midwifery, because it does give a good glimpse into the author’s experiences in these areas.

Note: I received this book as part of the LibraryThing Early Reviewers program.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really fascinated by this book, although I have not read her previous title yet. The descriptions of her primitive, pioneer-type life as a hippie in the North Woods of Minnesota was at once absorbing and somewhat horrifying. Harman never articulates a really clear rationale for why they have gone to such extremes (I mean there's saving on fossil fuel and then there's grinding your own wheat with a mortar and pestel in a shack miles from a road) so it's a bit arresting, like we've just been dropped into this foreign lifestyle for no particular reason. I am not of the "hippie" generation myself, but I benefit from some of their innovations, so it was fascinating to me to see how these folks lived at that time. The book merits a high rating just for this glimpse, and for Harman's reverential, poetic descriptions of her encounters with nature.

On the other hand, there were several things I found rather frustrating about the book. For one thing, major changes seem to happen in Harman's life without her giving us even a smidgen as insight as to why. She's shacked up with her boyfriend and they have a child together, then suddenly she's over that and married to another guy and has another baby already. The part in between is glossed over so quickly you'd almost miss it, and so it seems like a sudden, incoherent jolt. The worst of these jolts happens when we suddenly skip over 20 years of Harman's life and land in 2008. I discovered when I came online to review the book that this must be the span of time covered in her earlier volume, but the jump is still startling and it really breaks the rhythm of the story in an unpleasant way. I think with a little better editing and work on the narrative, this book could have stood on its own, but as it is, it seems like it's meant to be read only after you've read the first book.

The most frustrating thing, however, is that Harman seems to have really limited insight as to why things happen in her life the way they do. Time after time she misses opportunities, bungles attempts at starting something good, because she simply fails to plan ahead, for instance. I get the feeling Harman is something of an unreliable narrator, like she has some "stuff" she's not owning, as her generation might put it. Instead she makes it sound like the people around her keep making bizarre and upsetting choices, forgetting her own role in the context. I wish her editor had prodded her a little more to examine the "whys" behind these sometimes disjointed memories.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quotable:
It wasn't supposed to happen. I never meant it to happen.

I've had other lovers, beautiful and exciting men, but this one makes me so happy.

Sometimes when there's nothing special to be happy about, except that you have your friends around you and no one's lost in a blizzard, you just have to celebrate... They are my family and I want to stop life right now, hold it just as it is.

TV and movies portray hippies and protestors as kids going crazy with love and drugs, but in reality there was pain everywhere. Pain, on our families' parts, when they lost their children to a world they didn't understand. And pain, on our part, when our parents rejected us for not believing what they believed and not wanting to live as they lived.
Pain when we saw the photos of the war on TV. Pain when people we loved were put in jail for protesting or killed as soldiers in the jungles of Vietnam. We put flowers in our hair, partly to celebrate and partly because we'd be too sad if we didn't.

Listening to the water bubble under the ice, I follow the little creek down to the roaring river. Two men in wetsuits and helmets carrying kayaks pass me, heading for a small icy beach. The shore is covered with glistening pebbles, and they slip and slide as they get to the water. ""Having fun?" I ask, surprised to see them out in the cold.
"You bet," the shorter man, with a straight nose and a strong jar grins...
As I watch from the rocky ledge at the side of the trail, the men settle themselves in the low boats, one red, one blue. The breathtaking whitewater rages over boulders, catches the light in the spray. Where the spray hits the rocks it adds to the ice, but most of the water moves too fast to freeze.
The guys ready their paddles, then expertly maneuver their tiny boats into the current, catch the rapids, and race away. I laugh and clap my hands like my five-year-old granddaughter, Lissie. The men are so beautiful and brave. The kayaks get smaller and smaller, until they disappear where the majestic, possibly toxic, river turns north.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir touched me on many levels. Firstly, I am a retired nurse and have worked OB. The author and her husband moved to my home state where they still live not far from my home town.
Enjoyed the insight into commune living and the "hippie"lifestyle. How many times have we heard that used as a derogatory label? These people only were trying to live a wholesome back to earth life and the camaraderie and sense of community was very strong. The author and her husband eventually returned to the working society as a nurse midwife and OB/GYN with their own clinic. I have no idea how they managed to go back to college and manage to raise their boys with so little income. I can only imagine it was with hard work, many sacrifices and determination. I am in awe of the author and the amazing life she has lived. I certainly look forward to reading her other books.

[Teeniemisfeldt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was hoping this book would be about the author's experiences as a midwife. It was NOT. The birth stories in this book were very few. If you are looking for a boring book about hippies living in communes in the 60's, this is your book. If you are looking for a great book with a lot of birth stories, try Baby Catcher.

[Fran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arms Wide Open
Author: Patsy Harman
Reviewed by Fran Lewis


Living in the 60’s and 70’s were turbulent times. Imagine living in cabin without any electricity, devoid of many modern conveniences with a young child and your first life partner. Imagine being happy. Take a trip back to that time period along with author Patsy Harmon as she shares her life with the reader, takes us on a career and life journey a time when Woodstock came about, hippies were prominent, the music controversial, the times unsettling and the era coming alive with change. Her life partner Stacy and her son Mica set the stage for the events that happen at the start of this book living in this rustic cabin, very few modern conveniences and describing their life together before she decides to move on. Leaving Mica with Stacy was a life altering decision the reasons why would become clear as I continue my review of Arms Wide Open by author Patsy Harman.

Living on a commune and hoping that their members would join her and stay living off the land was her hope. But, Patricia becomes restless and although her foal was to create and set up birthing classes for other hippie mothers but the weather impaired her goals and the way to the commune impassable and a life altering decision was made. Feeling like her life was devoid of something and the lack of progress in shat she hopes to do, Patricia left her son and Stacy. Enlightening the reader by relating her teaching experiences in the community room of the library we begin to understand her passion for helping women with natural childbirth. Mica and Stacy get seriously ill before she leaves and getting help proves difficult. Making friends, learning how to use the resources on the earth is paramount to her and her friends. Many moral issues are brought to light in this book including their feelings about abortion and the use of medications to alleviate pain. Then the harsh realization of her life hits and after many years of trying to stay and live her life, she leaves ending the memoir from the Red Journal.

Next, we learn of the next part of her journey from the Green Journal during the years of 1977-1978 where we meet Tom and we learn about their traveling to many places, the different families they meet and the birth of their first two children and Mica and Stacy come to live with them too.

Old fashioned medical attention, even house calls and living a rustic life, Patricia shares the hardships, triumphs, her courage, and her inner most thoughts as she struggles to find her own peace and serenity in life. Sometimes all the love and support cannot fill a void in her life when you need personal fulfillment. The chapter headings take us through many seasons, times in her life and forewarn the reader of impending crisis, blessings and joys.

Traveling to many places to help mothers give birth, was exhilarating and frustrating. Betrayals of friends who leave her, feelings of abandonment and career decisions are brought to light during these years. Tom is her support and introduces Pat to the idea of becoming an LPN and finally an RN. Working for Community Action would prove wonderful for both of them. Becoming a midwife and opening her own birthing center paramount to both her and Tom.

Moving forward 20 years to 2008-2009 we now learn the rest from the Silver Journal. Take the journey along with our author, Tom, Mica, Stacy, her family, friends and those who enriched her life along the way. Tom’s frustrations, inner torment, struggles with his practice and wear and tear on their marriage all come front and center. The end result and the ending will surprise the reader. The final chapters will tell what they finally decided to do, where they wind up and what happens to each of their children and their separate journeys.

As the book closes and Pat reflects on their life and feels that she no longer has the answers to the world anymore it is Tom that pushes her and encourages her to go ahead and move to the next level and realizes that change only happens when you make it happen yourself.

Many people growing up during the time period she explores and tells us about did not understand the hippie movement, nor what they were trying to do. Their pacifist ways, their enduring the criticism of those that did not understand their way of life, their commune family values and the way their children were reared are all brought to light in this outstanding memoir.

Arms Wide Open: Pat and Tom will illuminate that as you read the final pages and understand the true meaning of this title as she certainly does open both her heart and arms to the world every time she helps a mother give birth, teaches birthing classes and shares her thoughts with all of us.

As with every book I read I do not want to give away everything or tell the reader all that she experienced as I think you need to read about her life, the different crisis and inner struggles she and Tom faced. The many times that some children did not survive. The many joys of those that she and Tom brought into this world. The estrangement she felt to some of her friends and even her family. This is one book that you when you pick it up you won’t be able to put it down until you read the entire memoir.


Thank you so much for asking me to read this book.

Fran Lewis: reviewer

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting glimpse into the hippie lifestyle. I can appreciate the author's sincerity, even if sorely misguided. And birth stories are always a win with me.

[Viviane Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patricia Harman's second memoir tells the story of her hippie years and later her years as a married woman developing and practicing the science and art of midwifery. For those old enough to remember, we recognize in her character a true hippie who protests the Vietnam war, rejects everything about living a wealthy lifestyle that destroys the environment, and protests any forum that would be considered traditional or conservative. It's a time when draft-dodgers are running to Canada or sticking around to protest not only war but the development of nuclear arms or projects. Yes, the lifestyle is free and the possibilities seem endless!


Patricia Harman performs a wonderful balancing act within this well-crafted memoir! Pages fly by in which the reader seems to be right there with Patricia, Stacy, and her son, Mica, in the wilds of a Minnesota farm, hating and loving the vicious cold and snow in one moment and treasuring the rich colors, flowers, and animals seen in a place far from civilization. Or one is there singing community songs while sharing work and play in good and bad times. It's risky business, however, and the onset of illness and running out of money can turn one's Utopia into a fearful nightmare!

As time passes, the causes' force seems to lose potency, and their commune friends are leaving for other livelier places. But after a painful break with Stacy, Patricia meets Tom, a man who seems more level-headed and whose passion for medicine is equally shared. They both study in their respective fields, with financial help, get married, and begin careers in ob/gyn and midwifery often fraught with problems that could destroy them in the blink of an eye. It's the early days of wanting natural childbirth and many aspiring mothers lack the medical care or intelligence to know both the risks and the benefits of giving birth in such a way. Add to that the obvious opposition of the accepted medical world!

Arms Wide Open...is a well-written, wonderful read that deserves a large audience both for its excellent writing style and for the historical development of an unknown medical phenomenon depicted so intelligently, scientifically, and naturally! Truly Superb, Ms. Harman!

[MyChienneLit · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read for my generation as it follows a single family's account of how they progressed from their hippie lifestyle to a more conventional existence. Given the numbers of flower children at the height of the movement and the seeming depth of their belief, I have always wondered why there aren't more communes in the US. While this book cannot speak for the entire movement, its tracing of the evolution of one family (through the eyes of one woman in particular) does provide some insight into its collapse. It teaches that there was so much more to the movement than protesting the war in Vietnam.

At times, this book's progression was a little slow, but radical change doesn't happen overnight so the author can be forgiven for this slight fault. Her descriptions of the earth and the land in each of the places they lived are vivid and make the reader visualize such a location in their own mind. But more description on the landscape of her human mind and less on the physical world might have helped the reader understand her motivations a little better. Indeed, if the book had started a little earlier in her life, explaining to the reader why and how she became a "hippie" (her word, not mine) in the first place, the book might have been a richer expereience for the reader and the pace would have felt a little faster.

Still, I enjoyed this book immensely and learned a lot about the hippie movement--a part of American social and political history that I know very little about. Learning through a novelized account of the events of the author's life was a less intimidating and more enjoyable way to connect to the past than picking up a sociology or history textbook. A great read for anyone whose education has left them with a gap on this subject.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am in a unique position to review a book by a woman who has become my friend, and it was fascinating getting to know her through her memoir. Harman writes with confidence about her unique life, first as a hippie activist attempting to live a sustainable life in rural Minnesota, then as a part of a commune in Ohio as a young mother with a growing family, and finally as an empty-nester dealing with the drama of working within the medical establishment. This memoir is really Harman’s reflection on her own evolution. Sections of the book are divided by seasons, and I found that her life seemed very cyclical like the seasons. The spring of her youth takes place in a tiny log cabin with her lover and her first son. Her summer is communal living with her husband and sons when she realizes her calling is to help women through the struggle of childbirth. Autumn is the challenge of her profession and the fading light of motherhood as her sons disperse and grow into their own families. Harman also loves winter, so I expect that the next season in her life with be warm and cozy, with the brilliance of a fresh snowfall lighting up her new role as novelist (The Midwife of Hope River was fantastic).

More than anything, I thought this book was the perfect example of how ideals fall away when priorities change. With age and wisdom comes responsibility, but Harman still knows how to let her hippie light shine through. Some may call her a sell-out because she became a professional, but her overall goal to help people is admirable. Her authority on midwifery and the strengths of her beliefs is inspiring.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the author.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know it's cheesy, but I love her Author's Note: "Arms Wide Open is not just for those interested in midwifery or feminism. It's for anyone, of any gender, young or old, who cares about the earth and social justice. We each have our own song. This is mine and I sing it for you."

Other quotes I like so far:

"By 10:00 a.m. I was five centimeters, and Stacy joked that I might have the baby by noon. Then progress slowed. The nurses wouldn't let me walk, so I threw off my blue hospital gown and swayed on the bed, on my hands and knees, naked. Shocked, they stopped coming into the room."

"I pushed and pushed... Two hours later Dr. Leppink, our peacenik physician, arrived and told the nurses I was pushing too early. I was only eight centimeters. That's when I lost it and took the Demerol. It wasn't pleasant, but sometimes you just have to choose, medication or insanity, and I'll admit, it relaxed me while we waited for my cervix to withdraw."

"Birth always alters you. It's a learning experience, and what Stacy and I came to understand is that no matter how many classes you go to, how much you practice relaxation, how many books you read, or how many prayers you put out into the universe, childbirth is beyond your control, a force of nature."

[McGuffy Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Midwife’s Journey

By Patricia Harman


In Patricia Harman’s second book she draws on her journals of many years as a midwife. This is actually the prequel to her memoir, The Blue Cotton Gown. In this book she reveals what brought her into midwifery. She tells of her early years, living in the wilds of Minnesota in a log cabin that she helped to build. After several years of living this way, she longs for a human connection.

Patricia moves into a commune with like-minded people of the counter-culture. As a young mother, she becomes a mentor for other women seeking guidance and natural birth experiences. She begins assisting them.

This desire to help women and babies leads Patricia to take professional training, allowing her to do more as a midwife. Eventually Patricia and her husband, by now a physician, open a women’s health clinic.

In a disposable, plastic society, Patricia Harman still clings to the simple, natural ideals that are the basic principles of life. She makes them work by being an example to other women on how to live life the way is was meant to be lived.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I gave up at the end of the first section. I just don't care enough to read any more whining about being a hippie.

I guess I thought it'd be more about midwifery and less about the backstory that leads up to it.

[Carrie]

Thanks Goodreads for this win!! Excited to get this in the mail to read! Looks good :)

[Jennifer Castellano · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had a very hard time getting into this book. Her first book was wonderful! I was so disappointed with this book.

[Annika · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really really wanted to like this memoir because I'm a sucker for midwife's memoirs, and because I'd read the author's other book, which was a more cohesive memoir and not just memories or something from her journals during the 70s. It had a lot of potential. It's all there. But there was something just "off" about this one, and it wasn't the timeline, it wasn't her writing style, it wasn't the decade. It was her tone. She completely turned me off, and maybe she didn't mean to sound as such, but the sanctimoniousness was worthy of its own blog.

Look. This has nothing to do with the book, per se, but this is for free. You can have your ideas and choose your lifestyle and life off the grid in a cabin in Minnesota at any time, and grow your own food, and choose what holidays to celebrate or not. You can do all this despite, or because of, a war going on, because you dislike the President, because of whatever reason you bind to your ideals. Fine. I respect that. But you don't get to come off being smarmy about it to people who don't pattern you.

Maybe she didn't MEAN the smarminess. But it's there and I forgave most of it. I kept reading.

I stopped, at about a third in, because she abandoned her child.

You. Don't. Leave. Your. Child.

Oh he's with his father (whom he doesn't call father because we are all protesting the Vietnam war in a nonviolent way by growing our own food...?) but she had this need to "find herself" or whatever the heck that means and she left her child with the father. Not her husband because marriage is anti-whatever they are. Hippies. Protesters. Homesteaders. You take your child, or you resign yourself to homesteading to care for your child for the next few years.

I don't even care if that was a spoiler, I was/am so disgruntled. The man is all "you're not a prisoner you can go where you want" except by saying that to her, you're kind of not helping. These two people didn't have the toxicity that some couples give off when they "aren't right for each other" but they needed some compromise in there. Both of them.

After that I skimmed. I already wasn't really caring for her, or anyone in the book really, but somewhere later they both decide marriage isn't so bad so they marry other people. Then she moves from hippie commune to hippie commune and it sounds so STD-riddled and weed-and-patchouli infused that all I needed was a line or two about extreme body odor and I swear you could just smell the communes.

Maybe that's good writing. Well, I never said the writing was bad.

I am not a hippie. I'm not going to be a homesteader (though I make my own soap and grow my own salsa garden) and I'm with her on the advocacy of women in childbearing being free to make their own choices for themselves and their babies. But this wasn't really about that.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Patsy Harman has led a very unusual life. In her twenties and thirties, she lived in the backwoods of Appalachia with her lover Stacy and their young son Mica. As self-proclaimed hippies, Patsy and her band of friends eat organically, protest environmental pollution and attend demonstrations against the Vietnam war. Living out in the deep woods of Minnesota, the small family lives simply, without electricity, indoor plumbing or running water. They grow and tend a subsidence garden and fill the chinks in their cabin by hand. But life out in the wilderness away from everyone eventually proves too hard for Patsy, so she leaves her son and lover on the homestead and begins to travel. When she finally ends up living in an intended community, Patsy finds that she’s far happier and falls in love with Tom, one of the community’s residents.

Life is hard out in the woods, but with many pairs of hands to help with the raising of children and the supporting of the commune, Patsy finds peace. That is, until one by one the commune’s residents begin moving away, either to their own farms or to the wider city. With the mass exodus of the commune’s residents, Patsy finds herself alone with Tom and their two boys and she’s not happy about it. Having been present as a birth aid for may of the rural women of the area, Patsy soon decides to take a chance and become a midwife. As she travels from residence to residence delivering babies, Patsy discovers she has a talent for the work and a love and respect for the women she meets. This leads her to discover that she would like to be a midwife in a more professional capacity so she begins to study nursing, alongside her husband Tom, who is studying to become a paramedic.

Fast forward about 30 years to 2009. After Tom and Patsy have opened up their own practice specializing in pelvic pain patients, things begin to become rocky, not only with their practice but with their marriage. The life they’re living is a far cry from their past, and soon Patsy must once again reinvent herself. She must also help her husband work through some crippling allegations that have been made against him. But above it all, she remains the same peace-seeking and caring woman, capable of helping women in many ways, leading others to brand her as “the wise woman.” This is Patsy’s story, from her humble days working the land and protesting the Vietnam War to the more comfortable yet sometimes difficult journey through the modern world. It’s a memoir that won’t soon be forgotten.

When the book opens, Patsy is describing life on the homestead with her lover Stacy and their infant son Mica. The winter is coming and they have only a short amount of time to chink their cabin against the frigid temperatures. Patsy is unhappy with the endless toil required to keep her family fed and safe, but Stacy doesn’t see the reason why Patsy is so unhappy. Her hours are filled with gardening and the boiling of cloth diapers, repairing the house and cooking meals for her family. Life is demanding in this environment, and Stacy isn’t one who is easy to communicate with. Patsy tries to explain that she would rather live in an intended community, but Stacy doesn’t see her point. He’s rooted to this cabin and refuses to leave. I could feel Patsy’s dissatisfaction and see that she wanted more than a rural life had to offer. The constant pressure of being all alone with her small family, miles away from civilization, was something that Patsy just couldn’t deal with. I can’t imagine what life must have been like for her. In a way, I idealized the life Patsy was living, for often I’ve thought what a joy it would be to be isolated in a cabin in the woods. But reading about the reality of backbreaking toil every day, with no one to call on for help, opened my eyes about the life of a rural woman far from civilization. Patsy longs to be part of the peaceful movement to stop the war and to live sustainably, and I think this is partly what drove her to leave her family and travel, along with her need for community. She didn’t stay away for long though, and eventually, finding herself among an intended community, she decides that this is the lifestyle for her. Eventually Stacy and their son join her, but her relationship with Stacy has ended and she’s now married to Tom. Living in a huge farmhouse with a handful of others is what Patsy had been hoping for, and she relishes the time spent with the others and the sharing of responsibility for the land and the homestead.

Soon Patsy is travelling all over Appalachia to help women give birth, and it’s clear that this is what she’s meant to be doing. Patsy delivers hundreds of babies naturally from the comfort of the mother’s homes, and as she lovingly describes the births she attends, she elucidates on the differences between each delivery, both the effortless and the difficult. I had thought that these would be my favorite sections of the book, but in reality, I found the entirety of Patsy’s journey to be fascinating. It’s so markedly different from the way I live, and reading her anecdotes of discovering a wild bear in her yard or being stricken with intestinal worms was just as interesting as hearing about the delicacies of an unusually difficult birth. I never tired of reading about Patsy’s life and found myself admiring her for not only her ideals, but for her tenacity and grace as well.

In the third section of the book, Patsy and Tom are leading an altogether different life. Living in a spacious and luxurious home, they are both deeply involved with the reproductive care of the women they treat. Patsy is no longer a midwife due to broader restrictions and unexpected changes in the field, but she’s still able to counsel women and help them at her husband’s practice. She now has three grown sons who have left the nest and started families of their own, and she has become careworn and anxious. In a way, I believe Patsy’s worries were influenced by her living a life where she now had so much more to lose. Having left the security of the land and her other companions long behind, she must again rely on herself in a world that’s more dangerous and corporate-minded than the one she lived in years ago. Though she is much changed, she reflects back on her time as a midwife in Appalachia and comes to accept that, though she is not birthing babies anymore, her work with women is just as important, if somewhat less satisfying to her. Unable to help Tom during his crisis, Patsy becomes afraid and despondent, eventually cornering Tom and trying to work things out. It’s with both a sense of joy for the new resolutions that she shares with Tom and an underlying sadness for all that has changed that Patsy begins to look forward again, into the face of the unknown.

I found this book to be remarkably compelling. Reading about Patsy’s life out in the wilderness was both interesting and enlightening in a way I didn’t expect. Much of what Patsy went through will be unfamiliar to readers who sit comfortably in their houses with every luxury at their fingertips, but sharing in the journey of a woman who has lived a very unconventional life should prove to be edifying in many ways. This is not a book that tells a heartwarming and easy story. Often the life we are invited to look into is full of hardship and heartache, but it’s a story told with an unusual sense of urgency about a lifestyle that is slowly becoming obsolete. It’s a book that I think will speak to the hearts of women everywhere, despite their very different circumstances. Highly recommended.

[Sarah Jensen]

Book Review: Arms Wide Open: A Midwife's Journey by Patricia Harman

Arms Wide Open: A Midwife's Journey offers an intimate glimpse into Patricia Harman's life as a midwife, but it often diverges into the author's broader experiences as a self-identified hippie. The book is divided into three distinct sections, each chronicling different phases of her life and practice, but it struggles with a cohesive narrative thread throughout.

In the first section, readers are introduced to Patsy living on a Minnesota homestead with her partner, Stacy. This part highlights her feelings of isolation and longing for community, which many readers may relate to. Patsy's initial foray into childbirth education is presented, but her limited experience leads to a somewhat superficial exploration of the subject.

The second section shifts to Kentucky, where Patsy embarks on a new life with her partner, Tom, while Stacy is still in the vicinity. Here, she has another child and begins an apprenticeship with a midwife. However, the focus on midwifery remains minimal, leaving the reader wanting more depth and insight into her journey as a midwife.

In the third section, set in the mid to late 2000s, Patsy reflects on nearly three decades of delivering babies. However, the narrative reveals a shift in focus as she and Tom no longer deliver births due to a malpractice scare and instead prioritize prenatal care. This section conveys a sense of disillusionment as they grapple with personal and professional struggles, contrasting sharply with their youthful ideals.

One notable drawback of the book is the portrayal of ex-hippies, which feels stereotypical and somewhat flat. As a result, the reader may walk away feeling dissatisfied with the lack of substantive content regarding midwifery itself. Harman's journey is certainly personal and touches on themes of growth and change, but it often feels more like a memoir of her life choices than a dedicated exploration of midwifery.

Overall, Arms Wide Open may resonate with those specifically interested in the author's life as a former hippie or the challenges faced by midwives. However, readers seeking a deeper understanding of midwifery or a more focused narrative may find the book lacking. The storytelling, while heartfelt, leaves much to be desired in terms of depth and clarity around its central theme, resulting in a book that ultimately disappoints those looking for more.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

While reading this memoir of Patsy, a hippie midwife living communally, I kept getting flashbacks to the fictionalized midwife of Hope River whose story took place during the Great Depression.

Well, duh. Only after I finished Arms Wide Open did it dawn on me that Patsy *is* Patricia Harman, whose actual life does read as fiction at times. [It’s dead obvious that Patricia Harman wrote both the memoir and novels—I just hadn’t noticed.]

Arms Wide Open had its fair share of childbirth stories, but the more interesting part to me was the evolution of 1960s idealists to 2000s realists. Patsy and her mate(s) scratched a living from the earth for decades; in older age they acquired medical educations and worked in hospitals/clinics. By the end, we see the idealists living in a world where issues of women’s health are largely dictated by insurance companies (e.g., episiotomies, C-section, VBAC, narcotics prescriptions for pelvic pain). Patsy is not so much judgy as wistful.

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Here is a man who loves work and music and movement and sex. Here is a man who would walk through fire to halt injustice or save a child. He leans forward and peers out the window, where each drop of water at the end of each balsam needle reflects the fading day. 'Want to go out for a walk?' he asks."

"Orion was born upstairs in the first cabin we built on the ridge, surrounded by our friends from the commune. My labor was shorter this time, but not much. Mica, the little prince, cut his brother's cord by the golden light of the kerosene lamp and we all ate a piece of placenta."

"A ghost woman nods from the reflection in the glass. In the likeness, you can't see the gray streaks in my short, once chestnut, hair, or the faint worry lines over my nose. You can't see my blue eyes, still round when I get excited, or the pink cheeks, but it's still me, the girl with long braids."

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brings back memories

So many memories of the Vietnam war protests, of childbirth classes and stories in the 1970s. Wanting a good birth without drugs or delivery rooms or epidurals. I was lucky I had short labors and one home birth. My DILs are not of the same mind. Home births are rare or are unplanned. Epidurals are commonplace, VBACs are becoming uncommon. C-sections on demand are not unusual.

Pasty and I walked similar roads without the communes or the cabin in the North Woods of MN, But our hearts beat the same. We are both women of faith and even sing the same hymns, but not in the same places.

I really enjoyed reading this book. Slow at the start, but it picks up about a quarter through.

[Nan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting memoir for this child of the 50’s to read. The author who spent a lot of time in a commune in the West Virginia hills where she still lives spoke to my heart as her ideals really made me consider mine. This book revolves around her journey to become a midwife and many of those stories. However, it is also surrounded by life experience from young adult to senior citizen. She totally avoids politics in her writing, but she does address her feelings and ideals. Read with an open mind there is much to enjoy in this melodic novel. I recommend it.

[Cheryl Panek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

Genuine and unashamedly honest portrayal of hippie life. I'm very impressed with the positive impact Patricia has made in her world. Could only wish there were more like her! And inspires me to give more positive vibes out while appreciating the beauty and simple joys all around.

[Susan Sanderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arms Wide Open was so much more than what I thought it would be. Not just a tale of births and birthing it encompasses the life of the author through her development of self awareness and awareness of the world around her.
Maybe it spoke to me because I too was a child of the 60's but unlike Ms Harman did not take the more difficult path of a firm stance against what I believed was a wrong direction the country was taking at the time.
This is a wonderfully written and eye opening book.

[Michelle Ule · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd almost forgotten about the hippies until I read Patricia Harman's memoir.

I picked it up because I'm always interested in midwifery and natural birth stories--and I got those, which I found the most interesting.

But reading Harman's story brought up a lot of mixed feelings I had about that time in history, along with the surprising changes she and her husband grew into.

[Blayne Gunderman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books ever! Love Patsy's transparency - I feel like She shared some of her innermost thoughts, fears, and dreams. Read it again & loved it just as much as the first time.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the easiest read. Writing is a bit odd but in the end I liked this book.