From Isolation to Intimacy: Making Friends without Words

by Phoebe Caldwell, Jane Horwood

If you have no language, how can you make yourself understood, let alone make friends? Phoebe Caldwell has worked for many years with people with severe intellectual disabilities and/or autistic spectrum disorder who are non-verbal, and whose inability to communicate has led to unhappy and often violent behaviour. In this new book she explores the nature of close relationships, and shows how these are based not so much on words as on the ability to listen, pay attention, and respond in terms that are familiar to the other person. This is the key to Intensive Interaction, which she shows is a straightforward and uncomplicated way, through attending to body language and other non-verbal means of communication, of establishing contact and building a relationship with people who are non-verbal, even those in a state of considerable distress. This simple method is accessible to anyone who lives or works with such people, and is shown to transform lives and to introduce a sense of fun, of participation and of intimacy, as trust and familiarity are established.

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book kept me awake at night. Phoebe Caldwell articulates ideas that need to be expressed and learned and acknowledged. She illustrates the success of her approach through reference to case studies - incredibly moving accounts of, as the title states, lives that have moved from isolation to intimacy. Incredibly (I suspect I'll use this word a lot because it's how I feel), although this comes from a seemingly unrelated position, the ideas this book propounds are entirely in-keeping, I think, with those of Eckhart Tolle - the renowned spiritual 'influencer' behind 'The Power of Now' and 'A New Earth'. In short, get your preconceptions of life and experience, and ego, out of the way, allow yourself to trust to the point of sheer vulnerability, and give intimate attention to what is happening here and now, with this person, in this context - let judgements go, and just be with another person. Caldwell teaches us how to tap into the language and meaning behind often frightening or distressing behaviours of (usually, but not always) non-verbal people, and how to engage with them in such a way as to connect with them at an emotional level, not merely a functional one, but in an equal partnership. This is a must-read for anyone who works with, lives with or cares for someone who seems to be 'difficult to reach' by the standard verbal approach. This will change you as well as your communication partner. Loved it - and can't wait to see where it leads.