It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters

by Andrea J. Buchanan (Editor), Carolyn Alessio (Contributor), Kim Fischer (Contributor)

The most popular question any pregnant woman is asked — aside from "When are you due?" — has got to be "Are you having a girl or a boy?" When author Andrea Buchanan was pregnant with her daughter, she was thrilled to be expecting a girl. Some people were happy for her; visions of flouncy pink dresses and promises of mother-daughter bonding were the predictable responses. Other people, though, were "Is your husband OK with that?" "You can try again." "Girls are tough." This mixed message led her to explore the issue herself, with help from her fellow writers and moms, many of whom had had the same experience. As she did in It's a Women Writers on Raising Sons, Buchanan and her contributors take on what it's really like to raise a child-in this case, a girl-from babyhood to adulthood.

It's a Girl, is a wide-ranging, often humorous, and honest collection of essays about the experience of the mother-daughter bond, taking on topics like "princess power" ("Shining, Shimmering, Splendid"), adding a girl to a brood of boys ("Confessions of a Tomboy Mom"), dealing with a daughter's eating disorder ("The Food Rules"), and mothering "hardcore mini-feminists" ("Tough Girls").

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Feminism, Essays

304 pages, Paperback

First published March 10, 2006

About the author

Andrea J. Buchanan is a New York Times bestselling author whose latest book is THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING, which was a finalist for the 2019 PEN/E.O. Wilson Award for Literary Science Writing. Her other work includes the multimedia young adult novel GIFT, the internationally bestselling THE DARING BOOK FOR GIRLS, her essay collection on early motherhood MOTHER SHOCK: LOVING EVERY (OTHER) MINUTE OF IT, and seven other books. Before becoming a writer, Andi trained as a pianist, earning a bachelor of music degree in piano performance from the Boston Conservatory of Music and a master's in piano performance from the San Francisco Conservatory. Her last recital was at Carnegie Hall's Weill Recital Hall. She lives with her family in Philadelphia.

Reviews

[Erin Shea Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adored this book. As someone who has been wrestling with the awe-inspiring task in front of her, of raising a girl, this collection minced no words about women with similar struggles. Plus, it truly helped me come to terms with what has really been nagging me - having to confront my own foibles and deal with my own dust-bunny-littered past so I can be the sort of mother I wished I'd had. It's no small feat.

[Jeanette (Ms. Feisty) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't have children, but I enjoyed these essays nonetheless. Some very interesting perspectives from a variety of women on raising girls in our modern world, and trying to find the balance between girliness and feminism.

[Molly · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some really lovely pieces in this book--a collage in regards to the breast that is doing things I want to have going on with my own hybrid work. There's a concluding piece that shows her daughter dominating the local fishing industry.

There are also pieces by honest women I wouldn't want to encounter off the page: a mother who had plastic surgery after a boyfriend suggested she should do something about her flaccid thrice-breastfeeding breasts, who had difficulty with her doll-daughter getting chubby or having a bad haircut. There are the pieces that end with that adorning flourish that is instinctual, but so similar in each piece: ta-da, all is well! Here's a sensory detail that I'd slow down at a reading, just to make my point! (I do this too. I wish I didn't most of the time. Time and place, all of that.)

I think, too, I wish I read this book, or the vast majority of it, before I had my daughter. In anticipation, I would be more thrilled at tales from the other side. I was more grateful when the daughters were older--the piece about how a daughter learns to write and brave misspellings was familiar and I'm glad to have read it before my own kiddo tells me, for the first time, "I dt like you Mommy." Perhaps if my daughter were seven and had gone through this already, the piece wouldn't have resonated the same way it does for me now: as someone who has been the notebook toting how-do-you-speller and someone who is looking into the future, desperately trying to see how I can handle the natural pull gracefully and without much damage to either participant.

The writing here is, for the most part, good. I found myself peeking at the author's bios to see if they'd written anything else, as opposed to the last anthology I read, where I'd peek at the bios to see if they had done anything else that was writing-related.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book of essays about women's feelings on having and raising a daughter. While it seemed they tried to get a good scope of women to comment, only one had anything to say about faith (or two if you count the Buddhist), so that was a drawback. It is funny how so many of us try to stop the pink and princesses but pretty much all talk about how girls are attracted to that. It is also so much easier for a girl to chose to be a tomboy.
I had no negative emotions about having a girl, am fine with pink, have a great relationship with my mom and a fun childhood so (fortunately) I did not relate to all of the essays.
I actually got this under fall premises :) I had read a memoir by Carolyn Webber and wanted to look up other stuff by her, one contributor's first name is Carolyn and another's last name is Webber! But I am glad I read it, it gives me hope to walk this road of raising a daughter with so many other women.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

After our anatomy scan last week & finding out our baby's gender (GIRL - woot!), I was itching to add a gender-related parenting book to my reading list. I agree the stories were quite short, but it made for easy quick reading on my iPhone during moments of waiting in line, etc. I haven't read the 'It's a Boy' companion version so I can't compare, but I found the stories here diverse yet easy to relate to in some way or another. After all, we're all mothers grappling with our own feelings about gender and raising children who are going to face one set of societal expectations & stereotypes vs. another. I'd like to see more books like this, that explore the parental experience of gender regarding their children. As much as we'd like gender to not be an issue, it undeniably does have an impact on us. Might as well discuss it more openly.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of personal essays about being the mother of a daughter. I read It's a Boy a few years ago, and loved it. This collection didn't resonate on the same personal level, I think because I haven't found really myself dealing with or reacting to Zoe's gender yet. (What I mean is, having a baby boy caused a lot of strong emotions within myself; having a baby girl was just something I accepted. I suspect this is more to do with my own growth as a parent than anything to do with the children, or their genders, per se.)

The thing is, it's still a great read, with deeply personal stories that resonate with broader truths.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A companion volume to It's A Boy, which I read a couple of years ago. For some season, I found this one less memorable than the other, but can't pinpoint why. Like most collections, this one had some stories which were top-notch (Andrea Buchanan and Catherine Newman are always a joy to read)and others which I've already forgotten. I was particularly moved by some of the essays on separation. Many of the writers contribute to Brain, Child and Literary Mama, which are two of the finest mama lit sources I know, and this is definitely a worthwhile read for anyone who has--or is--a daughter.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book as a gift; not something I would have picked up otherwise, I think. But I really enjoyed some of the essays and am thinking of getting it as a gift for a couple of friends who recently had girls. Am wondering if the "It's a Boy" volume would be a good gift for a friend who's going to have a boy soon, too.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrea Buchanan is a great editor and I would eagerly pick up any book with her name on it. These essays warm and tickle my heart -- the heart of a mom with a daughter. A book to re-read as my girl gets older.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading the essays in this collection--I would recommend it to any mother or daughter, especially a mother of a daughter =) One missing aspect was a spiritual perspective, but still worth reading.

[Marla · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a nice idea, having various moms write about their lives with daughters, but the entries felt brief and rushed -- at least the ones I perused -- and were oddly full of stereotypes. The better writers had the better pieces, among them Joyce Maynard's.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this one, too.

[Ame · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read It's a Boy when Max was a wee one, and this one is great for the time and place I'm in...
Short little essays by various mother-writers, my favorite kind of reading!

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved all of these poignant, funny, irreverant stories about women raising their daughters.

[Amy Miller]

mehh... some parts were good. I was actually hoping for more...like some kind of insight into my struggles raising a daughter...

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent, but some parts were too stridently feminist for me. I liked some essays a lot though.

[Dorothy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good essays about raising girls

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

These stories were wonderful to read. It really helped with me and my girls.