Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

by Steven D. Farmer

A history of a childhood abuse is not a life sentence. Here is hope, healing, and a chance to recover the self lost in childhood. Drawing on his extensive work with Adult Children, and on his own experience as a survivor of emotional neglect, therapist Steven Farmer demonstrates that through exercises and journal work, his program can help lead you through grieving your lost childhood, to become your own parent, and integrate the healing aspects of spiritual, physical, and emotional recovery into your adult life.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Abuse, Counselling, Health

207 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1989

About the author

Dr. Steven D. Farmer is the author of the best-selling Animal Spirit Guides, Power Animal Oracle Cards, Messages from Your Animal Spirit Guides Oracle Cards, Power Animals, Sacred Ceremony, Messages from Your Animal Spirit Guides guided meditation CD, and the soon-to-be-released Earth Magic: Ancient Shamanic Wisdom for Healing Yourself, Others, and the Planet (Feb 2009). He’s also host of his own radio show, The Shamanic Hotline on HayHouseRadio.com. Dr. Farmer is a shamanic practitioner, ordained minister, and former psychotherapist, offering workshops on various shamanic topics and private consultations.

Picture of Dr. Farmer Having explored, studied, and taught shamanic practices, spiritual transformation, trauma recovery, and men's issues extensively, Dr. Farmer brings a wealth of skills and experience to his writing, teaching, and healing work. In addition to being a licensed psychotherapist, he is also an ordained minister in the Circle of Sacred Earth Church, and has conducted a number of ceremonies in his role as minister and shamanic practitioner.

Dr. Farmer's education includes a B.A. in psychology from the University of California, an M.A. in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University, and a Ph.D. from Madison University. He brings a unique blend of common sense and esoteric knowledge to his work, and by sharing his ideas and life experiences in a personal, down-to-earth, and humorous way, he inspires any audience to deeply appreciate the challenges, pleasures, and rewards of creating a fulfilling and spiritually directed life. He makes his home in Laguna Beach, California.

Reviews

[Sonnet Fitzgerald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Considering this was originally published in the 1980s, it holds up VERY well as a modern read. I was especially heartened to see the inclusion of same-sex couples in the case studies. I also really like that the focus of the book is on emotional abuse, although physical / sexual / neglect are also covered. It seems so often emotional abuse gets overlooked for narratives that are more titillating, but that's not the case here. The book strives to be actually helpful rather than shocking.

At times the information feels a bit dry, but only at times. I think the subject matter can quickly become overwhelming, especially for people who are themselves in recovery. But overall this is an easy and helpful read. The first half contains reliable and fresh information, the second half has exercises that allow you to take action and move forward.

[Elaine Enright · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a good place to start understanding the experience of being an adult child. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to an abusive mother, and I found this book helpful in recognizing the behaviors that result from that and how to start addressing them. That said, I would not say that the book is enough. Some time of therapy is definitely called for if you recognize yourself in these pages.

[Rebo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some really interesting insights and some of the exercises are really good. I think it would have been nice if the author had spent a little time actually defining what an "Adult Child" is (since it's assumed at the beginning you know what the term means). A good reference. It's a shame that, since the book is so old, many of the books he recommends are out of print, though.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this book a second try this year. First part is very good. The other I skimmed through because I did some of those exercises before in different order as I read other books. I should read this one first but at that time I wouldn't call what happened an abuse. Today I would.

[Sarah]

I actually didn't finish this book because I finished 8 or 9 other books about parental abuse and neglect in last 19 or so months. It wasn't bad so I didn't finish it. It was more like I read this 8 or 9 times already and I'm try to find something new, but there's nothing new. It's more like compilation of those other books, except this is the oldest book. So I should have read this one first.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

To this day this book has a significant impact on how I can most effectively cope with my parents and the shortcomings I had to deal with in my upbringing. If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, you will treasure the wisdom this has to share. I wish I had discovered it in my teens!

[Namid · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this years ago, but I remember it being extremely helpful in my healing process.

[Robin Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've reread all the time. learn something new about me every time. may not always be good but it helps

[Chad Oliver · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a lot of excellent information in this book, as well as exercises to practice and reminders to journal about your experiences. I practiced several of the exercises and gained valuable insight into myself during it. I even dogeared several exercises to go back and practice again later.

However, the sheer number of grammatical and spelling errors throughout the book was frustrating. I had to constantly reread sections because I could not understand what was trying to be said as a result of these errors. Every book has some errors, but I am surprised that many made it through editing and publishing.

I would recommend this book for the content and exercises, but with a caution to be prepared to be frustrated by the quality of the text.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

An unfortunate title about a book that is more about exploring and releasing past hurts and doing inner child work. This book holds a practical starting point for inner child work, why we've done what we've done over the years, and reparenting ourselves (something we all have to do eventually, no matter what one's upbringing might've been) and allowing our true self to shine. A decent portion of the book is dedicated to visualization exercises and journaling prompts, which is helpful. There are sections that are little dated, but it's a good starting point.

[Wolfman]

I read the first half, which convinced me that I suffered a small amount of emotional abuse in my childhood (and, it would seem, so did everyone my age who was raised in America during those years), but I am not ready to undertake the "healing journey" offered in the second half of the book. I guess I'm either in denial or just not that traumatized. That said, the first half is practically a master class in what NOT to do as a parent, so it does inform my current work.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book in a used bookshop and it really changed my life, how I viewed my childhood and helped open my mind on how I can improve my life and my relationship with other people. However some of the author's suggestion to how to approach some scenarios seem idealistic. Perhaps they don't apply to me. So I was conscious to only take what I need from it. Also towards the very last chapter the author pulled out Christianity out of nowhere and rather put me off.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

A much-needed read.

[April Daniels · Rating 4 out of 5]

Presented as a "Resource for Further Reading" in both the 1992 and 1993 editions of Paperdolls: Healing from Sexual Abuse in Mormon Neighborhoods.

[Krystal Reyland · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty full on title but has some FANTASTIC resources considering it is from the 90’s

[Nozomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s an old book—30 years old now (published 1989)—so that comes with some white male sexist perspectives. Examples seem more like simplified, flat caricatures than real people. Despite this, I found the book very enlightening and helpful. I think it’s something everyone should read (at least the first half before it gets to exercises) even if you do not feel it relates to you. It will probably help you be more compassionate and understanding towards the people in your life. Every single one of us has to have encountered or loved someone who has experienced abuse and trauma, given how common it is.

[Scraggledy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't recommend this enough to fellow survivors.

[Bary Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was stolen from my room so I no longer have a copy of it - will post a review if and when I am able to purchase it again.

[Tina Wotherspoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative

A very interesting informative read with a lot of useful information that anyone can use. Provides good insights and suggestions