Successful Fathers: The Subtle but Powerful Ways Fathers Mold Their Children's Characters

by James B. Stenson

Book by Stenson, James B.

Genres: Parenting, Education, Nonfiction

71 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[Steven R. McEvoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This little booklet is packed full of useful information. It is a treasure trove of gems for all fathers to become better at parenting, to learn the importance of their role in the home and in the formation of their children’s lives. Stenson, a successful educator and speaker around the world on this topic, gives readers of this volume a number of guides, suggestions and hints on how to be the type of parent and, specifically, the Father you want to be. Stenson is the author of 9 books on parenting and two of them specifically address the roles and responsibilities of fathers. Stenson also has a website http://www.parentleadership.com/ that has a number of articles you can download to supplement his book and your quest to be the father you really want to be. Stenson states in the introduction: “Though dozens of books devoted themselves to the mother-child relationship in children’s upbringing, hardly any emphasized the role of the father.” p.5 Then: “Increasingly, therefore, specialists have been studying the subtle but powerful ways by which fathers form their children’s character, often unwittingly.” p. 6 Stenson gives sound advice and will help you to grow to become the man you want to be for your children. Here is a list of great Quotes from the book to give you a sampling of its wisdom:
The greatest challenge a man can face, by far, is that of raising his children well. Without exaggeration, it can be said that his success or failure at this constitutes his success or failure in life.
In my experience, many fathers today are unaware that there is a problem – that, without intending it at all, they are failing to exercise the moral leadership that their families need.
Whether we call them virtues or simply strengths of character, they comprise the essence of what we admire most in people – strong character.
In homes where each parent respects the other’s authority, the children grow to respect the authority of each parent proportionally.
Both parents, mother and father, have given their children lifelong strengths of character and conscience, and thus their job is done. This is, after all, what family life – throughout history and around the world – really is about.
Everyone in the family understood that the children’s cooperation – that is, their obedience to their parent’s direction – was essential, demanded, and expected.
Parents did not think overmuch about the children’s eventual careers. Rather, they thought in terms of their children’s future character.
The home was a place of social and intellectual activity; people talked, read, played, worked, and prayed together. Limited financial resources meant that family members budgeted carefully, waited, earned, improvised, or learned to do without.
Consequently, successful fathers are not afraid of being unpopular. Their love for their children and their commitment to the children’s long-term best interests – these are strong enough to override the kids’ bruised feelings and their occasional reluctance to do the right.
These nine quotes give you a sampling. Pick up the book you will become a better father, even if you are already a good father there will be new things you can learn.

[Barbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great book geared for soon-to-be-fathers or men who are fathers already. It's never too late to show how good of a man you truly are by being a great father.

[Jarred de Beer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been looking for a book like this for too long. It is an excellent, but very short summary of how to be a good father. I will probably make it a habit to read this annually, and I’ll certainly be gifting it to other dads I know. There is nothing ground breaking in this book, but rather the concise statement of common sense principles that are no longer accepted in today’s confused and materialistic society. It is a breath of fresh air to read about what good Catholic fathers look like and to aspire to be one.

[Cody Ray · Rating 2 out of 5]

(Given to me by a Catholic Priest in Nashville.)

I liked the emphasis on the classical virtues and intentionally shaping our children's characters. There were also good points about men's work having migrated out of the home and thus visibility of the children; kids don't get to see others' respect for their dad now. And that TV has taken the place of the "primary activity of leisure at home", especially for tired dads after work, and thus that kids don't often even really know their fathers. And last but not least, fathers have to be the example for giving praise and recognition to mothers; unlike work where promotions, rewards, and recognition are built-in, for mothers it starts and ends with the father.

However, the overall tone was that of the traditional husband and wife roles. This often doesn't apply cleanly to many modern relationships. There was also significant emphasis on men's "strength". While classical and definitely a source of respect (especially for teenage boys), I don't think this is the sole driver, as the author suggests. (Perhaps I'm reading this too literally?)

Finally, I must acknowledge that I am not a "man of faith". I grew up in a Christian household and am spiritual, but agnostic as far as organized religion goes. Saying thus, while I appreciated the traditional wisdom here, it was a bit far toward spiritual indoctrination for my personal tastes.

[Matthew Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

A tight little package that dives into the mine field that is talking about fatherhood and man's role in the family. I think he hits the nail on the head in almost every instance except for a passing mention of punishing children. Other than that I learned a lot and was able to reframe my view of parenting in a much more digestible way.

[Dante · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book on fatherhood I have ever read. In it James Stenson discusses what it means for a father to be successful.

It is actually more like a long essay than a book that is composed of chapters. But don't let its size fool you. It may be very slim, but it's loaded with tons of insights about fatherhood.

Basically, this is what Stenson is saying:

1. The father's most critical role in his family is that of a moral leader. He must exercise moral leadership and he must form his children's characters. That's what it means to raise a child well -- to build his or her character;

2. So how do you raise your children well? By exercising moral leadership. How do you exercise moral leadership? By developing a strong character. And how do you develop a strong character? By practicing the virtues, such as prudence, justice, temperance, fortitude, faith, hope, and charity. Your children will see you live these virtues in your life and they will imbibe them in their own lives;

3. The mother's and father's role in the family are different but complimentary;

4. Children imitate not only their father's strengths or moral virtues but also how he respects and supports his wife;

5. Fathers need to mold not just their children's characters but also their consciences;

6. It is the father's responsibility to mold his children's characters and consciences, to be a model for his son, and a model for the kind of man his daughter might someday marry;

7. The traditional or "natural" family is the old or original model of the family. It has certain features or characteristics which set it apart from the modern family. For example, in the traditional or "natural" family, the home was run like a small business enterprise. Each of the kids were given roles, duties, and responsibilities. They learned to be responsible, self-reliant, mature, competent, skillful. They read and conversed often. They had a life of the mind. They were faithful and took their faith seriously. In other words, the traditional or "natural" family had a character-building and intellect-cultivating character. It was like a small school which aimed to build the child's character, conscience, mind, faith, skills, competence, and so on;

8. The modern family still retained some of the features of the traditional or "natural" family, but certain changes in society have negatively affected its character-building role;

9. Two social changes affected or negatively altered the dynamics between fathers and their children: prosperity and the advent of mass communication. Because the father is away at the office most of the time, his children don't see his character, conscience, will, knowledge, skills, competence, faith, and intellect in action. The father and his children rarely talk. And because of television, computers, gadgets, and other inventions, life has become more comfortable. The focus of the family shifts from character, conscience, and intellect formation to comfort and amusement;

10. Because the parents, and in particular the father, is away from his children most of the time, and because of the ubiquity of mass media, children become more and more isolated from other adults, and hence no one can support the values and examples of the parents;

11. Children need male adult figures as models -- someone whose work, character, virtues, they can witness and emulate. In the absence of fathers, children sometimes look up to school figures like coaches;

12. What are the consequences if the father is absent? His children cannot witness and emulate his moral example, and they will most likely grow up focusing on getting amused and entertained all the time rather than on becoming reliable, responsible, and independent adults;

13. It is not good for children to have fathers who are weak in their character, conscience, intellect, will, and faith;

14. Some activities or work that children engage in don't necessarily train them to become self-reliant, responsible, and virtuous;

15. More TV means less time for children to converse with their fathers and observe their characters;

16. Celebrities and other mass-media personalities can sometimes act as father-substitutes, and that is usually a bad thing;

17. It cannot be stressed enough that it is very important for the children to see their father's virtues so that they can emulate his character. It is also very important for them to see him pray;

18. If the father neglects his role and responsibility as his family's moral leader, they will seek models elsewhere;

19. Children will usually adopt their father's view or attitude towards God. The father, then, must have a thoroughly Christian or Catholic worldview so that his children may adopt the same worldview;

20. The traits, attitudes, and habits that are common to successful fathers are, again, strong character, conscience, intellect, will, faith, knowledge, skill, and competence. They are their wives' and children's heroes;

21. The successful father constantly engages his children in conversation;

I wish Stenson wrote a longer book. He could've expanded on the topics he discussed in his essay.

I highly recommend this book to all the fathers out there!

[Noah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This small and useful book on Fatherhood provides a good presentation of the important role that a father plays in a child's development, and describes the various difficulties with raising children in modern life. The author does provide certain perspectives, like on the advantage of sandlot sports over organized leagues, that are useful to know.

The author also goes over the cardinal and spiritual virtues in a brief way and other some other very basic knowledge, I assume this is to round out the book and make it for the broadest audience possible. These sections might bore readers familiar with them already.

I gave the book four stars instead of five because of the lack of footnotes, sources, specific expert opinions (not vague references to general ones) . On Page 34 the author says “But studies” and “Some Psychologists” without giving even one example of a study or psychologist. It would have been nice to use such sources for further reading.

I would recommend this book to both Fathers, and men who work with children, I think even those who are already successful at raising children will have a better understanding of why what they do works.

[Benny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Standing in 2025, one may find the content of this 1989 publication a bit out-of-date, such as VCR. That should not be the focus. The essence of this book states the fact that an adolescent’s choice between religious faith or materialistic faith largely hinges on the religious leadership of the father. A father must accept the brutal fact that an adolescent may think of him as an idiot. Stay faithful and carry on. After a few years, the adolescent will appreciate the father’s righteousness. This book gives me the courage to speak up anything right and good for my children. This book also reminds me that if it were not I, who else cares my children the most.

[Cory Plotts · Rating 5 out of 5]

This small straightforward book is simply a work of art. If you desire to be a good father, it is a must read!

[Augustine Griffith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent resource for the Christian father.