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Living M/s; A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships
This book is a valuable resource for those interested in real-time Total Power Exchange Relationships. Dan and dawn share the reality behind the lifestyle that so many only fantasize about. This is a book based on the experience of a couple, who has been living together as Master and slave for well over a decade and covers such topics as: challenges of living as a M/s couple; building your own M/s dynamic; changing terminology; the communities of M/s and BDSM and how they dance together (and apart); styles of D/s and M/s; Ms and polyamory; leather; orchestrating situations with multiple slaves, as well as many other topics.
- GenresBDSMNonfictionSexuality
194 pages, Paperback
First published April 8, 2011
49 people are currently reading
423 people want to read
About the author
Dan Williams
5 books27 followersDan and dawn, a lifestyle couple of many years - as well as authors, educators and co-producers of the new annual event, The Power eXchange Summit - bring their diverse backgrounds and experiences to each presentation and workshop they lead. With their blend of training and experience in Sacred Sexuality, BDSM, M/s & energy work, they offer a unique perspective to their audience. Although they have presented hundreds of workshops at dozens and dozens of events over the past 10 years, they continue to bring great enthusiasm and energy to each presentation.
Dan and dawn are the authors of Living M/s: A book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships and Sex, Stories, and Power Exchange.
They are also the co-hosts of the Erotic Awakening internet radio show, an educational podcast that explores “all things erotic”; Great Lakes region Master & slave title holders (2010); creators of the Scarlet Sanctuary and Path of the Qadishti (sacred sexuality spaces); featured educators on both Kink Academy and Creative Sexuality; leaders of the respected Leather tribe “House Metta”; and mentioned in a number of books, articles, and other media.
Dan and dawn are the authors of Living M/s: A book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships and Sex, Stories, and Power Exchange.
They are also the co-hosts of the Erotic Awakening internet radio show, an educational podcast that explores “all things erotic”; Great Lakes region Master & slave title holders (2010); creators of the Scarlet Sanctuary and Path of the Qadishti (sacred sexuality spaces); featured educators on both Kink Academy and Creative Sexuality; leaders of the respected Leather tribe “House Metta”; and mentioned in a number of books, articles, and other media.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
December 16, 2015
This is a book that took me a long time to finish but not because it wasn't good. I had picked this one up during a time when BDSM was becoming a huge "fad" seeing as "Fifty Shades of Grey" brought it in the limelight. As soon as everyone got talking about Master/slave relationships, and spanking, whipping...etc.....I became curious about what goes on in the "real world." I realize that we all love to read the stories that romanticize BDSM; but I wanted to have a realistic view shown to me so I could understand it. I hate to judge anyone or anything when I don't have the facts. I came across this book and decided to check it out.
The author is in a Master/slave relationship and he shares his lifestyle with the readers who choose to get a better understanding. I really enjoyed learning about this "taboo" lifestyle, and being able to have the understanding now to be able to respect the people who choose to live in the lifestyle. If you are like me, and like to get the facts before judging, and you have been curious to find out the different dynamics to this life choice; I highly recommend giving this book a read. It will open your eyes to a whole new way of life, and give you a better understanding of what some people consider a forbidden way to live.
The author is in a Master/slave relationship and he shares his lifestyle with the readers who choose to get a better understanding. I really enjoyed learning about this "taboo" lifestyle, and being able to have the understanding now to be able to respect the people who choose to live in the lifestyle. If you are like me, and like to get the facts before judging, and you have been curious to find out the different dynamics to this life choice; I highly recommend giving this book a read. It will open your eyes to a whole new way of life, and give you a better understanding of what some people consider a forbidden way to live.
December 9, 2012
This was one of the buddy reads in the BDSM group. Since I'm interested in D/s relationships, a M/s book was right up my alley. I found this book to be written in an easy format to understand.
It's not a manual, just as they said. Instead, it's more of a journey sharing of experiences which worked and didn't work for them. In addition, it gave us insight into their background as to why they wanted their M/s relationship to work they way it it did. It seems their vanilla relationships really burned them and the ones they know of are kind of dysfunctional too. It makes more sense why the M/s works so well for them.
Many of the M/s "twist" on a marriage I find would help any marriage. Because honestly, communication and trust is required for any relationship to work and be healthy balanced. I particularly enjoyed two pieces in this book. The first one was dawn showing how she is perfectly capable and strong as a leader yet she chooses to submit and be a slave to Dan. The balance of his loving caring and Mastery of her is moving. This is what power exchange represents to me. I loved it!
The second one was Dan's explanation of peer to peer mentoring. I particularly enjoyed this part and it was as if a lightbulb went off in my head. Well, not for kinky play, more for my style of "mentoring/teaching" at work. Totally non personal and non kinky.
For the most part, the observations of both Dan and dawn I can agree with and find insightful. I particularly liked Dan's violinist analogy. I also liked dawn's perspective of things and why she likes to serve Dan coffee.
The only part which made me feel queasy was the poly section. I understand how poly works and the ways it can go wrong so easily. Reading the couple of chapters of Dan and dawn's experience, it's painful because while it seems to try and come across as hunky dory. For me, it looked like a train wreck happened. It personally gasped when I read about the uncollaring and the packing of bags. But hey, it's not my kink and it's not for me to judge. If it worked for them, more power to them. But still, I want to state that it looks like a painful bloody scene in one of the chapters that made my heart hurt for dawn. And it also made me question Dan. Regardless, everyone is different and what works for them is all that matters.
As a side note, I was a little surprised how small the world of Kink can be. One of the people they thanked, I know of that person. I can't say I really "know" that person because we haven't had coffee together or shared experiences. I have attended a class they taught. I've also had the pleasure of seeing that person again in another class which we both enjoyed. Sitting next to them and getting their perspective of the electricity class was fun. Plus, the gentle dominance exuded by this person was heady. I digress.
This book is recommended to kinky readers who want some insight into how a M/s relationship can work. I also recommend it to vanilla folks who have problems in their marriage. I'm not saying they need a M/s relationship or to go poly. But I am stating that these communication pieces, transparency and intent is powerful and can only help a marriage.
It's not a manual, just as they said. Instead, it's more of a journey sharing of experiences which worked and didn't work for them. In addition, it gave us insight into their background as to why they wanted their M/s relationship to work they way it it did. It seems their vanilla relationships really burned them and the ones they know of are kind of dysfunctional too. It makes more sense why the M/s works so well for them.
Many of the M/s "twist" on a marriage I find would help any marriage. Because honestly, communication and trust is required for any relationship to work and be healthy balanced. I particularly enjoyed two pieces in this book. The first one was dawn showing how she is perfectly capable and strong as a leader yet she chooses to submit and be a slave to Dan. The balance of his loving caring and Mastery of her is moving. This is what power exchange represents to me. I loved it!
The second one was Dan's explanation of peer to peer mentoring. I particularly enjoyed this part and it was as if a lightbulb went off in my head. Well, not for kinky play, more for my style of "mentoring/teaching" at work. Totally non personal and non kinky.
For the most part, the observations of both Dan and dawn I can agree with and find insightful. I particularly liked Dan's violinist analogy. I also liked dawn's perspective of things and why she likes to serve Dan coffee.
The only part which made me feel queasy was the poly section. I understand how poly works and the ways it can go wrong so easily. Reading the couple of chapters of Dan and dawn's experience, it's painful because while it seems to try and come across as hunky dory. For me, it looked like a train wreck happened. It personally gasped when I read about the uncollaring and the packing of bags. But hey, it's not my kink and it's not for me to judge. If it worked for them, more power to them. But still, I want to state that it looks like a painful bloody scene in one of the chapters that made my heart hurt for dawn. And it also made me question Dan. Regardless, everyone is different and what works for them is all that matters.
As a side note, I was a little surprised how small the world of Kink can be. One of the people they thanked, I know of that person. I can't say I really "know" that person because we haven't had coffee together or shared experiences. I have attended a class they taught. I've also had the pleasure of seeing that person again in another class which we both enjoyed. Sitting next to them and getting their perspective of the electricity class was fun. Plus, the gentle dominance exuded by this person was heady. I digress.
This book is recommended to kinky readers who want some insight into how a M/s relationship can work. I also recommend it to vanilla folks who have problems in their marriage. I'm not saying they need a M/s relationship or to go poly. But I am stating that these communication pieces, transparency and intent is powerful and can only help a marriage.
October 19, 2012
- How kinky?
Very. This book is all about the relationship side of kink - in short, TPE, or Total Power Exchange. The participants are also into kinky sex, but they don't go into that in the book. This book is basically a very broad primer for kinky relationship styles, and specifically TPE.
- How sexy?
Well, it's sexy to me, but that's subjective! As I mentioned, they don't go into sex in more than a few here-and-there sentences, so no, it's not sexy/sexual in nature.
- How informative?
Extremely! I loved how much detail they went into, in regards to their own relationship, and even anecdotes about other relationships, when their own couldn't provide the examples they needed to illustrate a point. The authors covered ground in this book that they themselves no longer had to deal with, so it very much covered more bases than you could reasonably expect for a couple speaking only from personal or close-to-personal experience. I found it wonderfully enlightening on many topics.
- How engaging?
Weeell ... I always read books cover to cover, one at a time, unless it's terrible (which this book is not). So I did finish it in about three days, and I did enjoy reading it and learning about the lives of the authors. I wouldn't exactly call this book un-put-downable, but every time I had to stop reading, I couldn't wait to get back to it and find out what I would learn next. So, yes, fairly engaging.
- How well executed?
Rather well written. Dan and dawn have their own voices throughout the book, clearly defined by the intros "Dan says" and "dawn says". The book is split into very handy, quite short chapters, so it's easy to find ones that relate to you (M/s in a Vanilla World) and skip over topics that don't (M/s and Polyamory, for instance). Combining these two methods of splitting the information into vital, bitesize chunks was a tool I found extremely handy when digesting all that the book had to teach me. There is a lot of information there, but because it's broken up into smaller pieces it is easier to keep focussed on the topic at hand. Plus knowing who was doing the explaining was very helpful when figuring out how to apply it to myself or my Dom. The writing is as close to professional as one might expect from talented amateurs. Very well executed!
- Overall reaction
Overall, extremely impressed. This is my primer, my M/s 101, my just-starting-out bible. Please, please get this book if you have any interest - personal or clinical - in TPE-type relationships. Really the only thing stopping me from that last half-cock was the very occasionally sloppy presentation - including their blog entries was inspired but taught me nothing and weren't particularly fascinating. Your Mileage May Vary. All in all, I have no hesitation at all in stating - an absolutely brilliant read.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER REVIEWS: http://dirtyfilthybookslut.blogspot.com
Very. This book is all about the relationship side of kink - in short, TPE, or Total Power Exchange. The participants are also into kinky sex, but they don't go into that in the book. This book is basically a very broad primer for kinky relationship styles, and specifically TPE.
- How sexy?
Well, it's sexy to me, but that's subjective! As I mentioned, they don't go into sex in more than a few here-and-there sentences, so no, it's not sexy/sexual in nature.
- How informative?
Extremely! I loved how much detail they went into, in regards to their own relationship, and even anecdotes about other relationships, when their own couldn't provide the examples they needed to illustrate a point. The authors covered ground in this book that they themselves no longer had to deal with, so it very much covered more bases than you could reasonably expect for a couple speaking only from personal or close-to-personal experience. I found it wonderfully enlightening on many topics.
- How engaging?
Weeell ... I always read books cover to cover, one at a time, unless it's terrible (which this book is not). So I did finish it in about three days, and I did enjoy reading it and learning about the lives of the authors. I wouldn't exactly call this book un-put-downable, but every time I had to stop reading, I couldn't wait to get back to it and find out what I would learn next. So, yes, fairly engaging.
- How well executed?
Rather well written. Dan and dawn have their own voices throughout the book, clearly defined by the intros "Dan says" and "dawn says". The book is split into very handy, quite short chapters, so it's easy to find ones that relate to you (M/s in a Vanilla World) and skip over topics that don't (M/s and Polyamory, for instance). Combining these two methods of splitting the information into vital, bitesize chunks was a tool I found extremely handy when digesting all that the book had to teach me. There is a lot of information there, but because it's broken up into smaller pieces it is easier to keep focussed on the topic at hand. Plus knowing who was doing the explaining was very helpful when figuring out how to apply it to myself or my Dom. The writing is as close to professional as one might expect from talented amateurs. Very well executed!
- Overall reaction
Overall, extremely impressed. This is my primer, my M/s 101, my just-starting-out bible. Please, please get this book if you have any interest - personal or clinical - in TPE-type relationships. Really the only thing stopping me from that last half-cock was the very occasionally sloppy presentation - including their blog entries was inspired but taught me nothing and weren't particularly fascinating. Your Mileage May Vary. All in all, I have no hesitation at all in stating - an absolutely brilliant read.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER REVIEWS: http://dirtyfilthybookslut.blogspot.com
February 10, 2023
This reads like a series of blog posts, talking about days in the life of a long-term M/s couple. The struggles encountered and how to deal with them. Things exclusive to their relationship that .might. also apply for others. It's an experiential take, and conversational. And also incredibly subjective.
The authors speak directly to the reader in a casual way, the way someone might talk on a coffee date or on a saunter through the park. At the same time, the cadence in dawn's tone throughout her writing carries the weight of her slave headspace (not a bad thing, just a distinction).
Though I don't agree with some of what's explained (more of a "to each their own" take rather than believing they're wrong, to be clear), I'm glad to have read this. It's one couple's notable experience of practicing the M/s (Master/slave) lifestyle, differentiating it from broad kink and BDSM for the sake of clarity. There is a lot of intersection with the other two, but it's not exclusive to them, which Dan and Dawn do a good job to convey. Some of the content is a little dated, but this is their personal experience of what it might be like, informative while being subjective.
Overall a quick read, something I'll be reading again (because it inspired a .lot. of thoughts worth noting), and something I would recommend to anyone curious about the M/s lifestyle.
The authors speak directly to the reader in a casual way, the way someone might talk on a coffee date or on a saunter through the park. At the same time, the cadence in dawn's tone throughout her writing carries the weight of her slave headspace (not a bad thing, just a distinction).
Though I don't agree with some of what's explained (more of a "to each their own" take rather than believing they're wrong, to be clear), I'm glad to have read this. It's one couple's notable experience of practicing the M/s (Master/slave) lifestyle, differentiating it from broad kink and BDSM for the sake of clarity. There is a lot of intersection with the other two, but it's not exclusive to them, which Dan and Dawn do a good job to convey. Some of the content is a little dated, but this is their personal experience of what it might be like, informative while being subjective.
Overall a quick read, something I'll be reading again (because it inspired a .lot. of thoughts worth noting), and something I would recommend to anyone curious about the M/s lifestyle.
March 24, 2021
I picked this up because of an essay towards the end of the book that was suggested for me to read. However, once I'd read that part and loved it, I went back to the start and went all the way through.
It's rare to find such a generally conversational element in a teaching book such as this. Dan and Dawn alternate in viewpoints throughout this series of essays, broken up into sections such as making sure the two people about to negotiate this kind of alternative relationship are speaking compatible languages, elements involved in being an M-type, elements involved in being an s-type and the kinds of communities you're likely to find yourself in.
In addition to the section on walking together through hard times, it's going to come as no surprise that the part I found most valuable was the section with elements on being an s-type. This section covered topics like mindfulness. I had never seen mindfulness covered in this kind of a book before, and given that I struggle with mindfulness, having it laid out there from this point of view was fantastic.
Another thing I loved, particularly from Dan's point of view, was his frank discussion on being a recovering addict. It's not something you see often, but it is reasonable to assume that people from all walks of life are going to be attracted to this lifestyle. Making it a conversation here, as opposed to something he's hiding or filled with nothing other than shame over, means that other people can read and reflect on it as well.
Of all the reading I've done on this subject, this is probably the one that I most felt had a couple that I could relate to.
It's rare to find such a generally conversational element in a teaching book such as this. Dan and Dawn alternate in viewpoints throughout this series of essays, broken up into sections such as making sure the two people about to negotiate this kind of alternative relationship are speaking compatible languages, elements involved in being an M-type, elements involved in being an s-type and the kinds of communities you're likely to find yourself in.
In addition to the section on walking together through hard times, it's going to come as no surprise that the part I found most valuable was the section with elements on being an s-type. This section covered topics like mindfulness. I had never seen mindfulness covered in this kind of a book before, and given that I struggle with mindfulness, having it laid out there from this point of view was fantastic.
Another thing I loved, particularly from Dan's point of view, was his frank discussion on being a recovering addict. It's not something you see often, but it is reasonable to assume that people from all walks of life are going to be attracted to this lifestyle. Making it a conversation here, as opposed to something he's hiding or filled with nothing other than shame over, means that other people can read and reflect on it as well.
Of all the reading I've done on this subject, this is probably the one that I most felt had a couple that I could relate to.
January 1, 2021
Excellent book with a lot of practical advice for people interested in exploring an alternative relationship structure. Written in a conversational tone and with humor.
October 15, 2012
Loved this book. It made me relise alot about the lifestyle and I cant waite to read it againg so I can answer some of the questions in it so I can learn more about what I want from my Master and this lifestyle.
July 2, 2019
Very informative read
I really liked this on the first read, will read it over again in a while. Covers a multitude of points and on both sides of the coin that is quite helpful for anyone like me that does not know much about the M/s dynamics beforehand.
I really liked this on the first read, will read it over again in a while. Covers a multitude of points and on both sides of the coin that is quite helpful for anyone like me that does not know much about the M/s dynamics beforehand.
December 22, 2016
great beginner book, but not useful for more intermediate/advanced folks
November 21, 2017
Dan and dawn explain how they navigate through life in their M/s lifestyle. A wide range of subjects are covered.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews