The Measure of My Days: One Woman's Vivid, Enduring Celebration of Life and Aging

by Florida Scott-Maxwell

Playwright and Jungian analyst Florida Scott-Maxwell explores the unique predicament of one's later when one feels both cut off from the past and out of step with the present; when the body rebels at activity but the mind becomes more passionate than ever. Written when Maxwell was in her eighties, The Measure of My Days offers a panoramic vision of the issues that haunt us throughout our the struggle to achieve goodness; how to maintain individuality in a mass society; and how to emerge--out of suffering, loss, and limitation--with something approaching wisdom. Maxwell's incredible wisdom, humanity, and dignity make The Measure of My Days both timeless and timely--an important contribution to the literature of aging, and of living.

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy, Memoir, Biography, Psychology, Autobiography, Self Help

160 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1968

Reviews

[Trisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book a few years after it was written in the late 60’s by a woman who was in her 80’s at the time. Back then I was in my early 20’s with many years still ahead of me before reaching old age. Now with only one year remaining before my 70th birthday, I know what Florida Scott-Maxwell was getting at when she said: “We who are old know that age is more than a disability. It is an intense and varied experience…” So true!! It’s why I would never want to be a younger woman, especially in this culture with its emphasis on rushing around on the surface of life in pursuit of such superficial and trivial things. But I can remember what it was like to be that way…and not always liking it all that much because I could sense that I hadn’t figured out what really mattered or where to find it. The first time I read this book it struck me that what I found there made a lot more sense than the values and priorities of our youth-obsessed society. And so this became one of those books that has accompanied me all throughout my life. I’ve gone back to it again and again over the years at various stages, dog-earing pages and marking passages that stood out. Like this one: “You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality.” To become “fierce with reality” is a goal worth pursuing and Florida Scott Maxwell is a great mentor. Although parts of her book seem a little dated (she was writing a few years before the women’s rights movement gained momentum, and decades before the coming of the internet) it’s her wisdom that is timeless. She writes about the enormous complexity of life and what’s involved in living intentionally and authentically. Now that I’m much closer to the age Florida Scott-Maxwell was when she wrote this marvelous book than I was when I first read it, it’s easier for me to understand the wisdom in what says about being an old woman. It’s why whenever I hear someone say that 60 is the new 40 and 50 is the new 30, etc. etc. I want to say “no it’s not and who in their right mind would want it to be. Because there’s something about the “intense and varied experience” of being old that just isn’t possible when you’re young. I think it’s all about discovering what it means to be “fierce with reality.”

[Cindy Rollins · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended in Mary Kenyon's Let Evening Come, I think. I have been following rabbit trails from Esther de Waal's Seeking God for a couple of years now. Florida Scott-Maxwell published these journal entries in the late 1960's when she was in her 80s.

This book gave me a glimpse of the life ahead of me as my nest empties and I begin to grow older. I appreciate that the author shared what it is like to grow old. I took away many nuggets to ponder. I especially consider her perspective that even though she has much wisdom hard-gained she walks on egg-shells around those she loves in order not to burden them with the weight of that wisdom. "It is very tiring. But love at any age takes everything you've got, " and "We must refrain from giving pain, as our last gift to our fellows."

Her prescience is evident throughout the book. "Yet if we are entering an age of numbers, to differ could become a social sin, endangering the good of all...."

and

"His (man's) abstract ideas, extreme, inhuman, and from which we are only saved by the incalculable turns of life itself. What a boon disparity is--difference of opinion has never been sufficiently appreciated. It is the unexpected, the unknowable, the divine irrationality of life that saves us."

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned about this from one of May Sarton’s journals, which shares its concern with ageing and selfhood. The author was an American suffragist, playwright, mother and analytical psychologist who trained under Jung and lived in England and Scotland with her Scottish husband. She kept this notebook while she was 82, partly while recovering from gallbladder surgery. It’s written in short, sometimes aphoristic paragraphs. While I appreciated her thoughts on suffering, developing “hardihood,” the simplicity that comes with giving up many cares and activities, and the impossibility of solving “one’s own incorrigibility,” I found this somewhat rambly and abstract, especially when she goes off on a dated tangent about the equality of the sexes.

[Rachel Pollock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short book, 150 pages, but it is anything but a quick read. Every little section requires consideration and contemplation.

The author is writing from the perspective of an octogenarian looking back on what she has learned from her life, and wow, is she wise.

I wouldn’t have read it or even heard about it but for my boyfriend, who read an article in which a man cited this book as one of his top 10 books of all time. So Chris bought it and I read it first. I can’t wait for him to read it too, so we can discuss it!

[Ruby Grad · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars rounded up. I wanted to like this book, but I found her so opinionated and found her views on difference and God and humankind in general grating and unpalatable. She contradicts herself without recognizing the contradictions. At one point, she recognizes that she generalizes, says she shouldn't, and then promptly continues with the generalizations.

It's a quick read, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[Cara · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book for my bookclub. I seem to be cursed this year with books that are so short but still insufferable. You would think you could hunker down and get through something so short, but that was not the case here. This book claims to be a journal. To enjoy a journal, I would expect it to weave thoughts and opinions into lived experience. However, nearly all of this book is Jungian psychobabble. It felt as though I was listening to the free association of an undergrad prof crushing on Carl Jung. I liked pages 88 to 97 where the author actually wrote of some lived experience (her time in the hospital and post op recovery). Other negatives include too much devotion to God for my taste and racist undertones.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had been wanting to read this book for a very long time, and am surprised that I didn’t enjoy it more. I love published journals, but this felt more like a philosophical treatise than a journal. I’m interested in personal viewpoints on aging, but distressed if Scott-Maxwell’s perspective is what I have to look forward to. I thought there would be a lot more Jungian thought and experience in the book than there was. I actually didn’t remember that she was a Jungian analyst until she says so more than halfway through the book.

[Fran · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was not familiar with the author, Florida Scott Maxwell, but this book, written a few decades ago when she was in her 80s, has been timeless. I bought a copy and I don't buy books very often except at book sales. If you are aging and looking for some wisdom, this book is a good one.

[Mary Karpel-Jergic · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an incredible read. This book was first published 48 years ago. Florida Scott-Maxwell (a woman I had never heard of before alighting on to this book) was facing ageing (born in 1883, she would have been around 85) and decided to publish her notes on the existential phenomenon of what it means to get old.

So many of her words are a delight. Without rose-tinted spectacles she manages to both accept and rage at the effects and ravages that time has on the human body.

"We who are old know that age is more than a disability. It is an intense and varied experience, almost beyond our capacity at times, but something to be carried high."

The reason that I didn't give it five stars is her religious commitment which, as an atheist appears to me somewhat hollow. Nevertheless, in so many respects she is a great woman to be prepared to share such an intimae portrait of herself at such a vulnerable time. The book moved me considerably and I would recommend it.

[Sheri-lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Am I old enough to say I think these thoughts?

Such wise words that it’s a conceit to say that.

Aging is a terrifying and beautiful thing.

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

What it’s like to be old and all the wisdom she has acquired, this is proving to be a very interesting book.

[Janice · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author gives helpful insight on the experience of the elderly.

[Jinjer · Rating 3 out of 5]

June 2018 - I didn’t totally bail on this book. I skimmed it. I was looking for more of a May Sarton type octogenarian journal but this was just an octogenarian giving her thoughts on being “old”.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not quite as profound as I hoped it would be. Written when she was 82, with her thoughts on aging.

[Libby Bishop · Rating 3 out of 5]

My growing interest writing about aging led me to Florida Scott-Maxwell's The Measure of My Days. She was born in Florida in 1883, went to NY at 15 to act, then married a Scot and moved to Scotland. She worked for women's suffrage, wrote, divorced, then became a Jungian analyst, and died about age 96.

This book is her personal memoir, a notebook really, published in 1968. I was drawn to the opening pages because she does not sugar-coat the experience of being old: she describes being old as as being "out of step" with her times, and being exhausted just by the small acts of daily life. She also describes how her 70s were quiet, but her 80s more passionate, "I grow more intense as I age," and being deeply disturbed by the outer world.

The notebook is her outlet, and she is clear that it holds all kinds of thoughts, even the most ugly prejudices and limitations, are entitled to be there.

She writes about the pressure of the old to be cheerful, to not be a "burden", and how that is enacted: by saying "it's ok" or "I'm fine" when family and friends ask, even when it is not.

Sections on women and religion do not resonate with me, but others are piercingly apt.

She is very strong about the need for every person to find, and be true to, an "inner way". "It is awful to have to be yourself." She sees society moving in a direction of sameness and conformity. She uses the term "non-ego patient" to refer to those who coast, who never live their own lives. About identity, she comments: "if we demand to be given it as a right, we have not even guessed that is is our life's work to create it." Yet the process is inevitably destructive - "every seed destroys its container." Yet there is also compassion - "no one lives all the life of which he is capable."

There are deep contradictions in her thinking that see recognises - she deplores hardship and suffering, yet finds it instills the kind of character she admires, often lacking in people who have not faced hardship.

She has a black humour that frightens me, yet I also admire.
"When a new disability arrives I look about to see if death has come, and I call quietly, 'Death, is that you? Are you there?' So far the disability has answered, 'Don't be silly, it's me.'"

Finally, there is her softer voice--if bed, bath, favourite foods bring one pleasure, then one has a hope of thriving when old. There might be some hope after all.

[Katharine Holden · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some wonderful writing in this notebook of thoughts:

"Age puzzles me. I thought it was a quiet time. My seventies were interesting, and fairly serene, but my eighties are passionate. I grow more intense as I age. To my own surprise I burst out with hot conviction. Only a few years ago I enjoyed my tranquillity, now I am so disturbed by the outer world and by human quality in general that I want to put things right as if I thought I still owed a debt to life. I must calm down. I am far too frail to indulge in moral fervour."

and this one:

"Only this morning - this mild, sunny morning that charmed me into happiness - I realized my cheer was partly because I was alone. I thought for an awful moment that perhaps I was essentially unloving, perhaps had never loved; but years of absorption, and of joy, yes, I have loved, but enough? Is there any stab as deep as wondering where and how much you failed those you loved? Disliking is my great sin, which I cannot overcome. It has taken me my entire life to learn not to withdraw."

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book, if they intend to get old. It's revealing in its honest and surprising look at aging. The author admits that her version of aging doesn't represent all versions of aging, but I would submit, it's a good version to emulate. Almost every page, I found myself marking passages to remember. I'll be keeping this one on the shelf, to come back to time and again. I'll quote a few lines from the book. Remember that she was in her 80s, living in the 1970s, having been born and raised in the late 1800s. This is only a very small sample of the many amazing lines in her notebooks:
"As I do not live in an age when rustling black silk skirts billow about me, and I do not carry an ebony stick to strike the floor in sharp rebuke, as this is denied me, I rap out a sentence in my notebook and feel better. If a grandmother wants to put her foot down, the only safe place to do it these days is in a notebook"

And what a notebook it is. Read it!

[Avel Rudenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm strongly attracted to books on death and any time periods near this mysterious and mystical transition which we know happens, but know very little, if anything about what happens afterwards. If there were only a handful of books I could take with me on the last leg of this earthly journey, this would definitely be a candidate. This is an unflinching view of life from the vantage point of very old age and senility peeking into reality.

[Quinn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yeah, it's a DNF from me. Florida has some good quotes about aging and self-reflection in general, but then she says stuff like this:

"All through history there have been periods dominated by an idea too highly charged with passion, too hot to touch with safety; race is such a subject now. It voices the longing for equality, which also fired the woman’s movement, and equality is so stressed that I wonder if the need for identity does not lie behind it. The overriding problem of this age is perhaps the need to create identity and the recoil from the demands of the task. It may be that a struggle is going on in most of us between the desire to create our own difference and the longing to gain ease and power by joining the mass. What travail to strike a balance here. Perhaps the creating of identity is man’s most essential task, and if we demand to be given it as a right, we have not even guessed that it is our life’s work to create it."

Ma'am, the fight for social equality is so much bigger than just "striving for identity"; women and people of color wanted to be treated like human fucking beings, and you're sitting in your ivory tower talking about how "While equality is thought possible, even a basic right, I want to remember the stimulus and interest of inequality" (yes, that's a real quote too). You can say "it's a journal" and "she's a product of her time" all you want, but this is a PUBLISHED journal with lots of very real people reading it and thinking "so true queen", and there are women and white men all throughout history who knew better than to be bigots. Those of us pushing for equality don't need your shitty ruminations on identity, Florida; we have enough of our own problems getting people to pay us fairly and not scowl at us on the bus.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Born in 1883 in Florida, Scott-Maxwell became an actress at fifteen years of age. As a 27-year old she married John Maxwell-Scott and moved to Scotland where she raised their family of four children. If you read between the lines, she hints at why her marriage did not last more than 19 years. She moved to London and at 50 years of age began studying Jungian psychology under Carl Jung and practiced for many years. She has written several books but this one, written during her eighties, is her best known work. She died in England at 96 years.

In this slim, timeless volume she essentially shares her journal with us. After withdrawing from the active world she found herself with insistent queries and "began a game of asking questions and giving answers" in her notebook, which she calls her dear companion. I found myself underlining quite a lot, able to relate to many of her conclusions, all eloquently expressed.

She writes: "I often want to say to people, You have neat, tight expectations of what life ought to give you, but you won't get it. That isn't what life does. Life does not accommodate you ..."

"But the human tendency is to take good as normal, and one's natural right, and so no cause for satisfaction or pleasure. This is accompanied by the habit of regarding bad as abnormal and a personal outrage."

"I am ashamed to admit to myself that I am disappointed in humanity. Nothing less. That is the ache that lies behind other aches. Not disappointed in this beautiful world, owing much of its beauty to man, but somehow broken-hearted at the incorrigibility of man."

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Heard about it from an article about ageism with a terrific quote from the book:
"Another secret we carry is that though drab outside—wreckage to the eye, mirrors a mortification—inside we flame with a wild life that is almost incommunicable."

It should be read slowly. There's something to be said for slow, still, quiet.
It often comes with age.
On the other hand, Scott-Maxwell shows the inner flame of life she experiences in her 80s, even if she can't always muster the energy to reveal it.

Anyway, a book to think about.

Here's an example of how she writes (in the 1960s):

Now when so many have so much, many work harder than their forbears. So why does having much create strain, dissatisfaction and confusion? Could it be that austerity kept life simple, simple pleasures remaining real pleasures, while plenty makes for complication, and having much leaves us sated? (48)

A strange word to end that quote. But that's how the book reads: it feels like you have to focus/reflect on the chosen words. They're not mistakes.

An interesting book that makes me think about life, aging, wisdom, truth and goodness : and how difficult it can all be sometimes, and how real.

[Gloria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Originally published in 1968 by a woman in her 80s, this is nevertheless a timeless look at aging. Written in rather brief journal entries, each muses on an aspect of life, both triumphs and disappointments. It is surprisingly relevant today in its messages of self-worth, independence, abilities, stress, and much more. The author supported the first suffragettes and lived through multiple major war periods, but it feels like talking to someone living today.

This provides contemplative materials for slow reading. It is soothing and gently challenging. Yes, it is about the imminence of death, loss and infirmity, but it is also firmly about living well and reaching for your goals. The gentle words and tone reach across the decades and encourage women in particular to sit with life's questions, examining it as it was in youth and as it is now. Lovely book.

Discovered this through a reference from author Parker Palmer, another person of great wisdom.

[julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

growing old and the uncertainty of death have always scared me and in my journey of working through that i have found that books that talk about it have helped me confront that feeling gently. we all have to make peace with it one way or another. the author talks about her own experience, living intentionally and her relationship with the people around her as well as with religion. as someone who would describe themselves as having mostly atheist believes i still like to listen to people who are strongly convinced of their faith because i feel like you can get a lot of comfort from the idea of a god and sometimes i envy that. putting some of the authors outdated views on equality aside i feel like this is a beautiful book that talks about aging in such a honest and sentimental way, i took a lot from it and i feel like i will get back to it throughout my life.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could I (at my advanced age!) really be too young for this book? There were snippets that I could relate to but much of it wasn't to my liking. It is a journal written by a woman in her mid 80's reflecting on life and love and solitude and happiness. Maybe in 10-15 years I'll relate to it? I did enjoy some of her musings though:

"Age puzzles me. I thought it was a quiet time. My seventies were interesting, and fairly serene, but my eighties are passionate. I grow more intense as I age. To my own surprise I burst out with hot conviction. Only a few years ago I enjoyed my tranquillity, now I am so disturbed by the outer world and by human quality in general that I want to put things right as if I thought I still owed a debt to life. I must calm down. I am far too frail to indulge in moral fervour."

[Annette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought provoking for those of us who are "aging" but somewhat dated (1968).

Florida Scott-Maxwell reflects on aging and life in general. Her reflections could really be about what we are going through today as a society (group mentality) and as individuals (losing friends, our body and mind changing)... it is somewhat depressing but still there is a glimmer of hope within her words that we have to believe in ourselves and what we accomplish in our lifetimes does make a difference.

This was a loan and I felt like I had to read it, but overall, I'm glad I did because it makes me realize how much we all think alike in our worries of the world and about our lives.

[Rob · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was not a story, this was more like a daily thought book or Rant to put it bluntly. What does it feel like as we grow older, into our eighties. This book is an excellent resource that I would recommend to anyone in the elder care profession, I think that the insights provided can help a person understand what is going on in the minds of their patients. this is not a great story but it was a good read.

[Gabrielle]

My mother read this book in her 80s — within five years of her death. She didn’t write in her books (much to my sorrow now), but there are three post-it notes attached to moments in the book that were important or interesting enough to merit such notation. Here is one of them: “What I cling to like a tool or a weapon… is the belief that difficulties are what makes it honorable and interesting to be alive” (p. 118).

[Desirai · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this months ago and have slowly been making my way through it, the structure of short paragraphs lends itself to this kind of reading.. It's Jungian philosophy as one faces the end of one's life. There was definitely some American ideals that shone through here (individualism, anti-communist etc.) and it should be taken in context. However, very poignant read. Recommend. 

[Jennifer Talarico · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is another one of my mom's books with highlights and markings indicating what resonated with her. Written in her 80's and published in 1968, this book reflects on aging. It includes reactions to women's inequality and the struggles we have as we age. As my sister said, there are many gems in here.

[Carleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some beautiful and inspiring thoughts, but also some very depressing and self-serving ones. I know she’s old, and for all of her accomplishments and book writing. Seems to me she doesn’t take herself seriously. She had talent and drive even in her 80s. I feel like she got weighed down in the muck of her age to really appreciate herself.