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The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Diary: Monitoring Your Emotional Regulation Day by Day
A Daily Journal for Taking Charge of Your Emotions
Difficult emotions like anger, fear, sadness, guilt, and shame are part of being alive and are meant to help protect us, but when they get out of control, these emotions can also cause severe pain. When you're in the grip of an emotional storm, it's all too easy to overreact, lash out at others, or become angry with yourself. Therapists created dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, to help people with overwhelming emotions calm themselves when their feelings become too painful or out of control.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Diary presents an overview of each of the four DBT skills-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness-and includes a journal you can use each day to monitor your successes, chart your progress, and stay on track making productive changes in your life.
With this diary, you can: Learn over twenty techniques to use when you feel overwhelmed Observe and record your progress each day Find out which coping strategies work best for you Discover nutrition and lifestyle changes that can make you feel better168 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2011
25 people are currently reading
215 people want to read
About the author
Matthew McKay
166 books300 followersMatthew McKay, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, and author of more than 30 professional psychology and self-help books which have sold a combined total of more than 3 million copies. He is co-founder of independent self-help publisher, New Harbinger Publications. He was the clinical director of Haight Ashbury Psychological Services in San Francisco for twenty five years. He is current director of the Berkeley CBT Clinic. An accomplished novelist and poet, his poetry has appeared in two volumes from Plum Branch Press and in more than sixty literary magazines. His most recent novel, Wawona Hotel, was
published by Boaz Press in 2008.
published by Boaz Press in 2008.
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May 1, 2025
2 – Mindfulness
p.38 – Mindfulness is “the ability to be aware of your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and actions – in the present moment – without judging or criticizing yourself or your experience” (McKay, Wood, and Brantley 2007:89).
p.40 – In a typical day you might catch yourself being unmindful a hundred times. When you do, just gently refocus your attention on whatever you’re thinking, feeling, or doing, and let go of any criticism or judgments that might distract you.
p.44 – Wise mind is the ability to make healthy decisions based on both your emotions and your rational thoughts.
p.45 – In order to use wise mind effectively, it’s best to relax and focus. Wise mind is often compared to using your intuition or making “gut decisions.”
p.46 – Instructions – Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down in a room where you won’t be disturbed. Begin taking long, slow breath in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Notice the sensation of your abdomen rising and falling with each breath and find a slow comfortable rhythm of inhaling and exhaling.
Choose a single problem or decision that you have to make and spend a minute or so thinking about it. What are the facts? What are your feelings about this situation? What are your possible choices?
p.48 – Using Wise Mind in Daily Life – Think about the decision you’re about to make. What are the facts? How do you feel about the situation? What type of decision can you make using wise mind, combining both the facts and your feelings? Then decide on what action you’ll take and notice how it feels in your center of wise mind, in your gut. Does it feel right or healthy?
Finally, keep track of your decisions and the results – maybe in a notebook – to evaluate of you’re using wise mind successfully.
p.49 – Practice Beginner’s Mind – When you use beginner’s mind, you engage in relationships and situations as if you were seeing them for the first time, without any preconceived judgments about how they should be.
Many people who struggle with overwhelming emotions categorize other people and situations into two groups: good and bad. This type of judgment is called black-and-white thinking because it excludes all the shades of grey that exist in between. Whenever you make this type of judgment about someone or something, you limit what you expect and set yourself up for feeling angry, even when you make good judgments. For example, if you’re thinking about your best friend and say to yourself, “She will always love me and never betray me,” then you’ll be easily upset if she doesn’t want to spend time with you or say something that you don’t agree with. Instead, if you were to simply say, “Today I’ll do my best to be mindful with my friend,” you won’t be constantly comparing her to the standard you’ve set and therefore won’t be so easily disappointed.
The truth is, most people and experiences are a combination of good and bad qualities; no one and nothing is 100 percent good or bad all of the time. Sometimes people do things that make us happy and sometimes they disappoint us. Sometimes situations are pleasing and sometimes they cause frustration, boredom, and emotional pain. A person who uses beginner’s mind recognizes this fact and tries to approach each moment of life as if he or she was seeing it for the first time, like an innocent child.
p.93 – When you recognize that you’re making a judgment, you can remind yourself to let go with a phrase like “be mindful,” “let go of judgments,” or “use beginner’s mind,” or a phrase of your own. In addition, you can use mindful breathing to help you let go of judgmental thoughts. If one or more judgmental thoughts keep recurring, try focusing your attention on the rising and falling of your breath or counting your breaths until the judgement disappears. If you need more help, try imagining your judgmental thought floating away on a leaf on a river or drifting away on a cloud in the sky.
Note that beginner’s mind is really an extension of using radical acceptance. When you use radical acceptance, you observe situations without judging or criticizing. Beginner’s mind requires you to do the same thing with your own thoughts.
3 – Emotional Regulation
p.61 – Plan Positive Events – Each morning when you wake up, identify one positive event that you can look forward to that day.
Planning one positive event a day is good. Two is better. Three is even better for emotional balance. In your diary, not the number of positive events you engage in each day, and record what the events were in the “specifics” column.
p.62 – Name and Let Go of Thoughts:
1. Name the thought. Say to yourself, “there’s judgment: or “there’s a scary thought” or simply, “that’s thought.” With that, you don’t have to get involved in it or believe it. It’s just a thought, not a fact; just something your mind says, not reality.
2. Take a breath, and as you let go of the breath, you can let go of the thought.
3. Visualize the thought drifting away – like a leaf down a stream. Just let go, and when the next judgment or scary thought comes, do the same thing.
p.63 – Name and Observe Emotions – It’s a paradox the more you try to control what you feel, the more it ends up controlling you.
Always name what you feel first. Finding words for emotions helps you say and face what you fear. Verbalizing makes feelings less overwhelming and more understandable.
p.64 – All feelings come like waves. They grow for a while, then they peak, and finally they slide back to a calmer, quieter place. Observing your feelings is sometimes called emotional exposure.
1. Name the feeling.
2. Describe (out loud or silently to yourself) everything about the feeling. Describe its intensity; notice if there are other emotions woven into it.
3. Note where you feel it in your body. What is that feeling like? How hot or cold is it? Remember, it’s a wave, so pay attention to any changes in intensity – either increasing or decreasing.
4. Describe the emotion as a colour, a shape, or a texture if that seems appropriate.
5. Notice if the feeling starts to change into another emotion. For example, anger often shifts into sadness, and vice versa.
6. Throughout emotion exposure, as thoughts show up, name and let them go.
p.66 – Don’t Act on Emotions – Every emotion triggers what’s called an action urge. When you’re anxious, the urge is typically to avoid or retreat. When you’re ashamed, the impulse if to hide or defend yourself. When you’re sad, you feel the need to shut down and cease activity. When you’re angry, you have the urge to attack or fight. Many painful emotions are also accompanied by an impulse to numb and block the pain.
p.67 – Ona piece of paper, write down the action urges that get you in trouble – things that alienate others or undermine the quality of your life. You can organize the list by first looking at key emotions (anger, sadness, shame, guilt, fear, or anxiety), and then listing problem behaviours you do in response. Next, circle the action urges you most want to change. What people and situations tend to trigger them? Write these down next to the circled urges. These are the situations you need to watch for, and then when you encounter them, resist the urges that go with them.
Act the Opposite of Your Urges – While acting on urges tends to intensify and prolong painful emotions, acting the opposite helps regulate them. If often changes the emotion into something softer and more positive.
4 – Interpersonal Effectiveness
p.75 – Saying What You Want – An assertive request has four parts:
1. Saying what you think the problem is
2. Stating what you feel about the situation
3. Identifying what you want specifically and behaviourally
4. And describing your self-care solution – how you plan to take care of yourself if the other person won’t cooperate
p.79 – Say No Assertively – There are only two steps to saying no:
1. Validate the other person’s need or desire
2. And then state a clear preference not to do it.
If appropriate, you may also include information about what motivates your preference, such as a feeling or situation that’s affecting you. “That’s a fun and tempting invitation, but I need to say no tonight.”
p.38 – Mindfulness is “the ability to be aware of your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and actions – in the present moment – without judging or criticizing yourself or your experience” (McKay, Wood, and Brantley 2007:89).
p.40 – In a typical day you might catch yourself being unmindful a hundred times. When you do, just gently refocus your attention on whatever you’re thinking, feeling, or doing, and let go of any criticism or judgments that might distract you.
p.44 – Wise mind is the ability to make healthy decisions based on both your emotions and your rational thoughts.
p.45 – In order to use wise mind effectively, it’s best to relax and focus. Wise mind is often compared to using your intuition or making “gut decisions.”
p.46 – Instructions – Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down in a room where you won’t be disturbed. Begin taking long, slow breath in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Notice the sensation of your abdomen rising and falling with each breath and find a slow comfortable rhythm of inhaling and exhaling.
Choose a single problem or decision that you have to make and spend a minute or so thinking about it. What are the facts? What are your feelings about this situation? What are your possible choices?
p.48 – Using Wise Mind in Daily Life – Think about the decision you’re about to make. What are the facts? How do you feel about the situation? What type of decision can you make using wise mind, combining both the facts and your feelings? Then decide on what action you’ll take and notice how it feels in your center of wise mind, in your gut. Does it feel right or healthy?
Finally, keep track of your decisions and the results – maybe in a notebook – to evaluate of you’re using wise mind successfully.
p.49 – Practice Beginner’s Mind – When you use beginner’s mind, you engage in relationships and situations as if you were seeing them for the first time, without any preconceived judgments about how they should be.
Many people who struggle with overwhelming emotions categorize other people and situations into two groups: good and bad. This type of judgment is called black-and-white thinking because it excludes all the shades of grey that exist in between. Whenever you make this type of judgment about someone or something, you limit what you expect and set yourself up for feeling angry, even when you make good judgments. For example, if you’re thinking about your best friend and say to yourself, “She will always love me and never betray me,” then you’ll be easily upset if she doesn’t want to spend time with you or say something that you don’t agree with. Instead, if you were to simply say, “Today I’ll do my best to be mindful with my friend,” you won’t be constantly comparing her to the standard you’ve set and therefore won’t be so easily disappointed.
The truth is, most people and experiences are a combination of good and bad qualities; no one and nothing is 100 percent good or bad all of the time. Sometimes people do things that make us happy and sometimes they disappoint us. Sometimes situations are pleasing and sometimes they cause frustration, boredom, and emotional pain. A person who uses beginner’s mind recognizes this fact and tries to approach each moment of life as if he or she was seeing it for the first time, like an innocent child.
p.93 – When you recognize that you’re making a judgment, you can remind yourself to let go with a phrase like “be mindful,” “let go of judgments,” or “use beginner’s mind,” or a phrase of your own. In addition, you can use mindful breathing to help you let go of judgmental thoughts. If one or more judgmental thoughts keep recurring, try focusing your attention on the rising and falling of your breath or counting your breaths until the judgement disappears. If you need more help, try imagining your judgmental thought floating away on a leaf on a river or drifting away on a cloud in the sky.
Note that beginner’s mind is really an extension of using radical acceptance. When you use radical acceptance, you observe situations without judging or criticizing. Beginner’s mind requires you to do the same thing with your own thoughts.
3 – Emotional Regulation
p.61 – Plan Positive Events – Each morning when you wake up, identify one positive event that you can look forward to that day.
Planning one positive event a day is good. Two is better. Three is even better for emotional balance. In your diary, not the number of positive events you engage in each day, and record what the events were in the “specifics” column.
p.62 – Name and Let Go of Thoughts:
1. Name the thought. Say to yourself, “there’s judgment: or “there’s a scary thought” or simply, “that’s thought.” With that, you don’t have to get involved in it or believe it. It’s just a thought, not a fact; just something your mind says, not reality.
2. Take a breath, and as you let go of the breath, you can let go of the thought.
3. Visualize the thought drifting away – like a leaf down a stream. Just let go, and when the next judgment or scary thought comes, do the same thing.
p.63 – Name and Observe Emotions – It’s a paradox the more you try to control what you feel, the more it ends up controlling you.
Always name what you feel first. Finding words for emotions helps you say and face what you fear. Verbalizing makes feelings less overwhelming and more understandable.
p.64 – All feelings come like waves. They grow for a while, then they peak, and finally they slide back to a calmer, quieter place. Observing your feelings is sometimes called emotional exposure.
1. Name the feeling.
2. Describe (out loud or silently to yourself) everything about the feeling. Describe its intensity; notice if there are other emotions woven into it.
3. Note where you feel it in your body. What is that feeling like? How hot or cold is it? Remember, it’s a wave, so pay attention to any changes in intensity – either increasing or decreasing.
4. Describe the emotion as a colour, a shape, or a texture if that seems appropriate.
5. Notice if the feeling starts to change into another emotion. For example, anger often shifts into sadness, and vice versa.
6. Throughout emotion exposure, as thoughts show up, name and let them go.
p.66 – Don’t Act on Emotions – Every emotion triggers what’s called an action urge. When you’re anxious, the urge is typically to avoid or retreat. When you’re ashamed, the impulse if to hide or defend yourself. When you’re sad, you feel the need to shut down and cease activity. When you’re angry, you have the urge to attack or fight. Many painful emotions are also accompanied by an impulse to numb and block the pain.
p.67 – Ona piece of paper, write down the action urges that get you in trouble – things that alienate others or undermine the quality of your life. You can organize the list by first looking at key emotions (anger, sadness, shame, guilt, fear, or anxiety), and then listing problem behaviours you do in response. Next, circle the action urges you most want to change. What people and situations tend to trigger them? Write these down next to the circled urges. These are the situations you need to watch for, and then when you encounter them, resist the urges that go with them.
Act the Opposite of Your Urges – While acting on urges tends to intensify and prolong painful emotions, acting the opposite helps regulate them. If often changes the emotion into something softer and more positive.
4 – Interpersonal Effectiveness
p.75 – Saying What You Want – An assertive request has four parts:
1. Saying what you think the problem is
2. Stating what you feel about the situation
3. Identifying what you want specifically and behaviourally
4. And describing your self-care solution – how you plan to take care of yourself if the other person won’t cooperate
p.79 – Say No Assertively – There are only two steps to saying no:
1. Validate the other person’s need or desire
2. And then state a clear preference not to do it.
If appropriate, you may also include information about what motivates your preference, such as a feeling or situation that’s affecting you. “That’s a fun and tempting invitation, but I need to say no tonight.”
October 12, 2017
Because I have to have something to hold me accountable for the things I am learning. Otherwise, I won't actually put them into practice. This is organized well and includes some easily digestible explanations at the beginning.
Read
February 2, 2021Took me a cool 10 years to finish this but it's been a super handy resource. I was initially really annoyed that 50% of is copies of the same weekly worksheet... mostly because I didn't want to do said worksheet. But I actually really like that about it now!
September 23, 2017
PITA.. to remember to remember my skills and fill it out but it works!
September 5, 2011
Easy to read, understand and follow! A WONDERFUL addition to the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Workbook and/or an outpatient DBT program :D The diary portion makes doing or tracking your moods, behaviours and patterns so simple and gives you 60 days worth of pages! Results are laid out before your eyes. I also just love the reviews of the DBT skills in the beginning - everything you need, small enough to carry around in your purse with you ;-)
January 17, 2015
The last half of this book consists of blank journal pages, the first half breaks down the basic skills of DBT. Though not an in-depth discussion of DBT, this is a handy reference guide and tool for self reflection.
November 27, 2015
Great resource for keeping track of yourself and keeping up with new skills.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews