To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

by Dan B. Allender

God wants to reveal himself through your story. Discover how he has written your life so far, and how he is leading you into the rest of your story.

“This is a book worth reading. To make sense of your life. To discover the role God is giving you in his story.”—John Eldredge, bestselling author of  Wild at Heart  and  Get Your Life Back
 
Everyone wants clearer guidance from God on what to do with their future. In this insightful book, therapist and professor Dan Allender shows you how to listen to the stories of your life and identify the themes that God has written there. As you begin to understand both the hope and the heartache, you will gain a clearer sense of the meaning that God has written into every detail of who you are. You’ll also see how he invites you to join him in coauthoring the rest of your story. God is your Author, and he is showing you how to follow him into the future.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Counselling, Faith, Psychology, Writing, Spirituality

227 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Dan B. Allender, Ph.D, is a fly fisherman who also serves as president and professor of counseling at Mars Hill Graduate School near Seattle, Washington. He is a therapist in private practice, and a frequent speaker and seminar leader. Dan received his M.Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary and his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. He is the author of To Be Told: Know Your Story / Shape Your Future, How Children Raise Parents, and The Healing Path, as well as The Wounded Heart, Bold Love, and Intimate Allies. He and his wife, Rebecca, are the parents of three children.

Reviews

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book got me writing again. Although I love Dan Allender's work, I didn't expect to be so moved by this particular title. The power of personal story has been a popular topic for years now (see Donald Miller's "A Million Miles..."), and I had an attitude of "been there, done that." I was wrong. I love Allender's emphasis on how our personal stories help reveal the greatest story, the story that God is telling about himself. This is not idle navel-gazing; this is truth-telling, the kind that reveals the ultimate Truth-Teller. "God is calling us to fully explore, to fully enjoy, and to fully capture the power of the great story, the gospel… One way we do this is by listening to our lesser stories and then telling them to others." While I felt his emphasis on facing tragedy was a bit heavy-handed, there's likely much I can learn from a man who's devoted years to counseling and therapy. A good read, with lots of great content to consider.

[Helen Gillette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book came at just the right time. I was attempting to dig deeply into my past to be able to understand more about who, what, and the why of me. I wanted to fill in some missing puzzle pieces of my life. I was actually able to be a part of a Story Group, based on Dan Allender's teaching. Once I started putting pen to paper and writing My Story, there was a freeing of my soul and a realization of life patterns. This book helped me learn more of how to add to my story and understand things about myself.

[Kelly Collins · Rating 2 out of 5]

The information in this book should have been a blog or magazine article. It did not warrant an entire book.

[Patty Betts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another of Dr. Dan Allender's books I highly recommend. I love what he left me with:

" Will I receive from the wounded hands
my day's portion of story, and will I bring my tears and battered questions for him to engage? Will I bring my story to the gospel and cry out for him to answer? And will I offer my broken story as a gift to others to taste and see that God is both odd and good? If I will do this, then the gift that I receive will stagger me - God's story will be my own. Your story will be mine. Mine will be yours, and we all will be His."

Beautifully written book to embrace the entirety of our story!

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never really thought about the importance of telling our stories. This book opened my eyes to how we not only need to share our story but also listen to the stories of others. In telling my story, I am telling God's story. When we we look at our past....the hurts, the ugly parts, the joy and triumphs we can see the theme/themes that God is weaving into our story and when we do that we are able to see how God is giving us a role in His story. We can start to see his calling in our life. I love how Allender defined calling.... " I don't believe anyone has the calling to be the president of a corporation, founder of a ministry, or director of a counseling center. Those are fine jobs and sometimes careers, but our calling is not what we do-it's how we do it. .... I don't believe anyone is called to a job or profession. My calling in life is not to be a writer, therapist, speaker, trainer, or administrator. My calling is to walk through any door God gives me in order to reveal his glory. If I'm a graduate school president, it's for a season, but my life lasts for eternity. If I am a physician or an auto mechanic, it is no different: I am called by God not for for a mere season or reason but for eternity to reveal his glory. What is my calling? It's to make known something about God that is bound to my unique face, name, and story. It is to reveal God through my character."

[Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the overall concept of reading your life as a story that has characters, plot, drama etc., is intriguing and helpful, this book fell short for me. It does have several profound moments but overall I didn't appreciate Allender's writing style. The book did however work well for creating discussion--I lead a small group of friends through this book this summer and if it weren't for our lively discussions I probably would have stopped reading this.

[Jersc · Rating 1 out of 5]

It was very redundant and flowery. It could have been summed up in one article, but he wanted to sell a book. I also don't believe in a lot of the things he professes as true. A lot of philosophies of men mingled with scripture here. And not even the scriptures I believe in, but different translations.

[Heather Wijcik · Rating 1 out of 5]

I absolutely hate this book. If I did not have to read it for a class I would have quit long ago. It is written in a style akin to internet "clickbait" promising the hidden knowledge in the next chapter but not delivering. It is overly wordy and does not ever get to the point. What it does say is feelings-led drivel with a little Bible sprinkled throughout, but often out of context.

[Micah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very critical four stars. This is a fantastic book that I think everyone should read. It encourages you to write your life story and have it edited by friends in order to detect the themes God has purposefully woven throughout. This can help as you search for a way to further the kingdom of God through your unique experiences and gifts. I have not written mine yet, but I'll be doing that in a structured way with some trusted leaders, family, and friends. Four stars because he goes on a bit of a tangent near the end and says some things about God that I have never thought about and am not sure I agree with and might be very seriously wrong. Really more like a 4.75 star read.

[Daunavan Buyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. It’s not for everyone as Allender goes into detail that could be triggering for people who have suffered trauma or abuse. That said he has such an incredible way of illustrating how the most difficult parts of our lives can be and are part of the story God is writing with our lives. It’s a thought provoking and meaningful book. Recommend it for sure - It makes we want to read everything he’s written.

[Jack Woods · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of this book was a really interesting discussion on how our story can be used for God’s glory and to bless other people. It’s a book meant to make you do a lot of personal reflection which made it a challenging but enjoyable read.

The second half of this book was seemingly random wandering from one topic to another with some fascinating individual quotes but as a whole, quite confusing.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am inspired to dream beyond the limitations mankind has set upon me. Embrace risk and embark on a great and holy adventure. Jesus came to give us a full life. He left each of us with certain gifts in unequal measures. What will you do with the weight of glory entrusted to you? Will you hide it or invest wisely the talents bestowed to you?

[Lindsey]

A worthwhile read on doing the hard work of engaging your story. My main takeaway was that there is so much in my past that the Lord wants to use for us to write a redemptive future together. It is my responsibility to do the work of reading my life and engaging with it with trusted people in order to more fully understand who I am, how I've been harmed, and how to stand against evil because of it.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book for a counseling class, but found it very encouraging and applicable to life. Allender urges his readers to connect with their stories and to look for the unique ways God is using them in the world. I’m thankful I get to process the content in the class in the coming weeks.

[anz]

I definitely did not read this in one day. It’s been more like a year :)

Very interesting read that’s for sure! Made me question a lot in various ways.

As someone who loves stories so much, especially stories of God’s, this was a wonderful read in many ways. Has certainly made me want to write more, and ask people their stories more.

[Esther Hallel · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the better approaches to decision making I have encountered. I didn't finish in the end as it didn't really resonate with me in some ways.

[Christine Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dan Allendar is incredible- highly recommend for anyone looking to better understand their story or accept and hold the stories of others.

[Ptllyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dan Allender has written an excellent and inspiring book on knowing, understanding and embracing the story God is writing of your life, based on the theme of the circumstances He has uniquely and purposefully allowed into your life. Illustrated with powerful stories from the lives of others, it assures you of God's goodness, healing power and transformation in your own life as you come to know, share and even co-author your own story.

[Kirby Whitehead · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is actually more robust than its 280 some pages and almost conversational presentation let on. Read it slowly and you will see Allender’s weaving sophisticated counseling theory, interventions, and theology together in a very approachable way. My interest is piqued. To rush through this book would be similar to speeding through Loves Executioner, by Irvin Yalom. It is entertaining, and much insight can be gained, but one is missing the didactic nature of the stories for informing the reader about an existential approach to facing life’s troubles. Allender lays down a framework for engaging ourselves, our neighbor, and God through communal narrative, which is quite captivating and has recently captured my curiosity.

[Jeremy Casella · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is an excellent book that really opened my eyes to the deeper meaning of some of the struggle and hardship I've experienced in my life.

kind of a strange thing to say I suppose.

Allender is a very gifted man. This book is worth your time.

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not well written except for the guest writer in middle chapters. Vague self help without much scripture or science. Self-disclosures of embarrassing memories told without function other than making me cringe and feel sad for author. Allender has better stuff I think.

[Emily Fromke · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like a three star review for this book needs a little explanation (both for David Katibah and the general public). Dan Allender’s thesis is that 1) we as human beings are hardwired for narrative and stories 2) the narratives that we and others tell about our lives have a bearing on the way that we understand our own identities and how we interact in the world 3) our micro narratives are a part of the larger metanarrative of creation/fall/redemption/consummation 5) we get to join God in being the coauthor of our story but can only really do so once we understand the redemption he has already started to work out in our lives and finally, 5) that our stories are meant to be told and given to each other as gifts and reminders of the way that God takes evil and uses it for good. Now this is a great thesis and if the book only covered this I could have given it a four or a five. However, some of Allender’s poetic turns of phrase border on unorthodoxy. The chapters about prayer and fasting seem to be a forced way of writing about timeless Christian spiritual practices not for formation but in an effort to try to discern the will of God for our lives. Not a bad pursuit but the purpose of these practices is to sit in the presence of God and grow closer to Him. I don’t think that’s exactly the point Allender was trying to make, but it certainly came off that way. My only other critique would be on his poetic phrasing around the presence of God. God is never absent. We may feel that way or want to believe he must have been when evil happens rather than face the truth of our finitude and inability to understand the purposes and of our God who is perfectly just and good and omniscient. Our minds can’t comprehend it. Anyways, totally still worth the read. It’s helped me to see the patterns of redemption in my life and make decisions to keep pursuing the life God has called me to.

[Amy Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was reading through the reviews and found it disturbing that people do not want to hear about other Christians abuse that they have suffered in their lives. I gave this book a five star rating for several reasons, one he is extremely authentic and he knows that through sharing his story, he is helping others find their place as well. Also, because he stresses the importance of journaling because we need to know who we are!!! If we are avoiding past experiences of adversity in our lives (including childhood sexual/physical abuse) then we are not really in touch with who we are as a person and who we have become as Christians. First of all, I did not even choose to read this book, it was one of the texts that was a requirement for a group counseling course at a Christian University. As a part of the class, we had to journal from each of the chapters and this was the opening to our group discussions in class. I have to tell you that it was one of the most powerful things that I have ever encountered in my life. His authentic self, helped each of us open up to our own authenticity and we experienced healing, God's touch in it all, and an empathy for what others are going through. So, if you read this book and didn't understand who you were in God afterwards, read it again and do the assignments, with a group of other people. Because I can tell you that what he wrote is real and speaks truth. It's an amazing book that I will turn back to when I start to lose sight of my journaling.

[Johan Taljaard · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very wise book, but, in my opinion, lacking a bit in terms of practical application - which is the sole reason for only a 4 and not a 5 star rating. Maybe after working through the companion workbook will I understand and be able to better apply the content. In short, the author writes that you are called to join God in co-authoring your life. The author encourages you to get a sense of the life God has written for you by following your passions and by studying your tragedy’s. Your passions were given to you for a reason and your tragedy’s shape you. Then you are to pick up your pen and further write your life story as best you can according to the outlines God has written for you for his glory. The author writes that your future life decisions are to be guided by the question ‘What decision will most faithfully honour the story that God has written for my life?’ For me, this was quite the revelation and I will try my best to apply this principle. As we write our story, we are then called to responsible give it away, and we are in turn called to feast on the stories of others. Ultimately, the author remarks, we are called to tell the story of the gospel - which is the ultimate story - as best we can with our lives given to us by God.

[Lindy Kyzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think the church is really struggling with this right now, and this book and this process is at least a partial answer to how to acknowledge the role of your story without becoming trapped in the identity of your trauma. I love how Allender acknowledges how we all have aspects of the orphan and widow in us. We've all been abandoned (hello middle school trauma) - that should give us empathy for those who have been abandoned in other ways. This was a timely read because I've been unpacking how to receive admonishment that I fly my trauma and widowhood 'like a banner.' Too often the church wants to shame us away from our trauma. The truth is I have a lot of ribbons on my freak flag. Widow and orphan are some of the colors I fly, along with daughter and beloved. If I roll up all of those colors I'm supposed to be ashamed of, I can't use those stories to help tell others about how it's all been a price worth paying. It all points to a glory worth striving toward. If you have a story you're scared of you're trying to write, or you're writing a story you still need the Lord to edit, this is a worthwhile read.

[Tyler Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok, this book SHOULD have been a 5 star read, I can easily see how it would be life changing and future transforming. I loved Allender’s thought process and feel like I really missed out on this book... probably will read it again. However, it felt like only a 3 star book as I read it because of 2 factors. First, it is definitely a book that needs you to do the homework to get the fullness of its potential out of it. And if you read it in community with those you trust and discuss, even better. But I didn’t, so I felt like as a simple read, it was asking more of me than I was able to give at this time. Secondly, Dan is brilliant. In fact, his writing even felt poetic at times, needing deep interpretation. And so I reread several paragraphs in each chapter just to get his intention, and even then I feel like there were parts of the book that I glazed over and just got through because it would take more work than I had attention for at the time. So a 5 star book that felt like a 3 star read... I’ll give it 4 stars this time around.

[Woody Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Impactful! The importance of story - mine, yours, and God’s. My story is not just “a series of random scenes that pile up like shoes in a closet.” God and I are still writing His story into mine. Like Isaiah I needed to be undone - I have a sense of “de-becoming” - letting go of all the things that God never wanted for me to begin with, I’m left with my million dollar question “How can I be a better nobody for Christ?” Dan Allender leads us to write a life theme statement. Ok. So here’s mine: My story reveals a holy and gracious God who brings humility out of humiliation, hope out of disappointment and faith out of fear. I’m still writing, by the way. My story, God’s story in mine, is ongoing. But to fulfill the point of the book, I need your stories and your input into mine. Editing our stories together is how we multiply our story! I recommend the read and that you write and tell your story.

[Jodie Pine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book about engaging our own story, and will definitely be going back to spend more time with all of my highlights.

Great questions to ponder like:

What am I up against?
What do I want to see happen?
What do I bring to this situation for good that gives impetus to the realization of my dreams, and what do I bring that impedes the realization of my dreams?
What do I want to become, and what do I want to reveal about God through this process?

The section called Naked Prayer especially gripped me: "Entering the narrative before God means, first, that we must enter prayer as a struggle. We do not merely utter a string of sweet words according to a prescribed sequence, such as adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. Of course, prayer can be orderly and organized. But the prayer that pleads for exposure and engagement throws our desperation at God's feet and wrestled naked with him for the blessing of a new name. This is prayer that heals."

[Carl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dan Allender has a positive gift for tearing me apart with words. Read his books.

This one in particular jolted me between excitement, passion, elation, terror, shame, embarrassment, and nearly everything else in between. Allender forced me to confront my own life in a way I've never had to before: honestly, sympathetically, critically, and redemptively. His gentle encouragement and piercing words did more to wreck my preconceived notions about myself than any other book I've read.

I'm still processing much of what he said in the book, wrestling with ways to hear my own past more consciously and deliberately, and hoping to find God in the middle of all of it (though I know I won't find him in the way I expect to).

[Katharine Mccormack · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am speechless about this book. IDr. Allender's writing changed my life. I read the book for school, yet read the entire book aloud, at the same time, chapter by chapter, to my younger brother. (The word "younger" is a kindness here . . . we are not young.)

As I read, his wife's diagnosis of cancer, with a large tumor, became more and more sure. And God's message to him, through Dr. Allender, became more and more clear ~ at least to me.

I wanted to meet the person who could write with such power and inspiration. When I searched on the internet, and found that he is a local author, AND that there are workshops I can attend, I was utterly flabbergasted. It seems that God is leading, helping, sorting choices and making all things possible....