Inside Out: Reflections on a life so far

by Evelyn Lau

Ten years after the publication of her bestselling memoir, Diary of a Street Kid , Evelyn Lau reflects on her life, relationships and her identity as a writer.

Moving seamlessly between past and present, Lau describes how her complex, painful relationship with her parents has shaped her adult desires and thwarted her efforts to connect with both men and women. She contemplates her harrowing battles with bulimia and depression. Revisiting her life as a prostitute, she explores the extent to which it continues to distort her perception of herself and how others view her.

Above all, Lau considers herself as a writer. She reveals the supreme importance she has come to place on her writing and explains her controversial willingness to breach the boundaries between public and private in the name of art. Beautifully written, Inside Out is remarkable for its startling honesty, sensitivity and painful insight.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Canada, Biography, Biography Memoir, Writing

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Evelyn Lau was born July 2, 1971 in Vancouver, British Columbia to Chinese-Canadian parents, who intended for her to eventually become a doctor. Her parents' ambitions for her were wholly irreconcilable with her own; consequently, her home and school lives were desperately unhappy. In 1986 she ran away from her unbearable existence as a pariah in school and tyrannized daughter at home.

Lau began publishing poetry at the age of 12; her creative efforts helped her escape the pressure of home and school. In 1985, at age 14, Lau left home and spent the next several years living itinerantly in Vancouver as a homeless person, sleeping mainly in shelters, friends' homes and on the street and often supporting herself by selling her body to much older men.

Despite the chaos of her first two years' independence she submitted a great deal of poetry to journals and received some recognition. A diary she kept at the time was published in 1989 as Runaway: Diary of a Street Kid. The book was a critical and commercial success. Topics and individuals discussed in the book include some of Lau's various relationships with manipulative older men, the life and habits of a group of anarchists with whom she stayed immediately after leaving home, Lau's experiences with a couple from Boston who smuggled her into the United States, her abuse of various drugs, and her relationship with British Columbia's child support services. The film The Diary of Evelyn Lau (1993) starred Korean-Canadian actress Sandra Oh.

Lau had a well-publicized romantic relationship with University of Victoria creative writing professor and author W. P. Kinsella which led to the filing of a libel case against her[3]. She currently lives in Vancouver, where she freelances as a manuscript consultant in Simon Fraser University's Writing and Publishing Program. For invitations to poetry readings and festivals, the author may be contacted through Oolichan Books.

Reviews

[sylas · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by my step-mom, who reads like she's drinking water and who seems to enjoy sending me home with a fistful of books after every visit we have (books that may or may not be up my alley).

Inside Out is a series of essays on varying subjects written by a former child runaway and sex worker. I enjoyed this book for it's rich language and imagery and for the insight and reflection offered by Lau on, as she says, her life so far. The essays in this book varied in topic, ranging from reflections on mental health stuff to struggles with family to relationships, generally. Though Lau didn't necessarily come at her topics from a critical or radical theoretical base, she does a lot of obvious soul searching and processing, based solely on her experience -- something that, in this case, I appreciated.

In short: a good, quick read that both brought up some stuff for me, and touched me.

[Stefan Ulstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

After Lau's best-seller about her teenage life on the streets and in prostitution was published, and made into a film, she gained well-deserved literary fame. In this reflection she talks about the shadow of that life and how it continues to shape her. Astoundingly, some men seem to think that they share a secret bond because they pick up teenage girls. It's a fascinating study in how a book can be so profound, yet so incredibly misunderstood by so many. I was reading a passage about how Lau longed for her father's attention when my three-year-old granddaughter entered the room and began a long monologue about every thought in her head. I realized that she just needed to be heard, so I propped her on my lap and listened, with the occasional comment, for nearly a half hour. That made me think about how well her life could go if we developed and kept that bond, and how horribly wrong things could go if she was ignored or degraded. Lau's writing continues to take me off the page and into life.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

Reading about her life dealing with depression made me depressed.

[Christal x · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked up this book from a family friend’s bookshelf. Decided to give a try for a vancouverite author. Yet tone mostly depressive.

[Bill Brydon · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Home was a place from which I had to continually escape "

[marissa sammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lau's book is so intensely personal in places that it's almost uncomfortable to read; she spares no detail in discussing her failed love affair and the bitterness it engenders, ruthlessly ticking off her own shortcomings and those of her lovers and friends like a countdown to the bottom line. At points in the book I empathized completely with her pain and hurt; at others I found her behaviour and attitude hateful. It's hard to really say whether or not the book is a good one, but it's definitely an *honest* one.

[Chantal · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the back cover,"Moving seamlessly between past and present, Lau describes how her complex, painful relationship with her parents has shaped her adult desires and thwarted her efforts to connect with both men and women. She contemplates her harrowing battles with bulimia and depression. Revisiting her life as a prostitute, she explores the extent to which it continues to distort her perception of herself and how others view her."

She makes these battles very tangible that, although my own personal struggles are different, I cried when I read what she had to say about depression.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far the best Canadian writer I had the pleasure to read the past... 15 years.

Evelyn Lau deserves to be known.

Her candid writing tells it all. There is something with her life that tiny parts ressemble each and everyone of us. And she has it all for herself. For your to discover.

[Rachel Altman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly insightful writing with beautiful use of metaphors. Her chapter on depression is particularly remarkable; nowhere have I read such a clear description of the impacts of the condition. Her comments on freedom of speech vs. privacy are also thought provoking. My only criticism is that the book is repetitive in places.

[Hannah Cp · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading every one of Lau's dissections of self, and with some of them I related so strongly it was like seeing some of myself scooped out onto the page. I couldn't tell you which ones, though - I don't yet have the unflinching honesty with the page that Lau writes about - you'll have to read them and guess.

[Jaime · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was almost an update version of Runaway, her first book.

She was writing about her feelings now, about her situation and her legal battle with the man she was dating.

I quite enjoyed this book.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find her writing beautiful and she gave me an insight into several situations I've been thinking about. A worthy read.

[Shelley]

Didn't finish. Didn't enjoy