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Muffin #1
Muffin
He was just a homeless kid wandering the streets, never expecting his life to change, for the worse or the better.
Status: Complete
Word count: approx. 228,995
Status: Complete
Word count: approx. 228,995
688 pages, ebook
First published October 29, 2010
100 people are currently reading
4905 people want to read
About the author
Mahsa
2 books69 followersResident of San Francisco
I just hope I can amuse everyone long enough with my stories. Let me know what you think in your reviews! Thanks guys, hope you enjoy!
http://mahsa.deviantart.com/
https://www.facebook.com/muffinings
I just hope I can amuse everyone long enough with my stories. Let me know what you think in your reviews! Thanks guys, hope you enjoy!
http://mahsa.deviantart.com/
https://www.facebook.com/muffinings
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 68 reviews
September 27, 2012
4.5 stars
Wow, wow, wow this totally blew me away and yes I am stealing Endless's words from her. I am gobsmacked at how brilliant the story of Muffin is, he's a complete brat, willful and stubborn as hell but underneath all those prickles is a vulnerable little kid starving for affection, I loved him. Vincenzo and Alrick are great secondary characters who provide quite a bit of entertainment and Asher is well um a devious, bad man. Another online fic that is better than a lot of published m/m books available. Why is Muffin not published? Seriously I am stumped, its a treasure of a find, all it needs is a bit of spit and polish and it would be perfect. So now the wait is on and I am desperately waiting for Mahsa to please hurry up and complete the sequel. I am addicted, Muffin and Asher are the culprits for this obsession I have now, they have a complicated relationship that has me hooked. Don't be fooled its not a fluffy sweet read, think mobsters. This automatically goes to my favorites shelf, give it a go, its an astonishingly good story.
After all the craziness and thrills not necessarily all good, Muffin has finally come alive.
Wow, wow, wow this totally blew me away and yes I am stealing Endless's words from her. I am gobsmacked at how brilliant the story of Muffin is, he's a complete brat, willful and stubborn as hell but underneath all those prickles is a vulnerable little kid starving for affection, I loved him. Vincenzo and Alrick are great secondary characters who provide quite a bit of entertainment and Asher is well um a devious, bad man. Another online fic that is better than a lot of published m/m books available. Why is Muffin not published? Seriously I am stumped, its a treasure of a find, all it needs is a bit of spit and polish and it would be perfect. So now the wait is on and I am desperately waiting for Mahsa to please hurry up and complete the sequel. I am addicted, Muffin and Asher are the culprits for this obsession I have now, they have a complicated relationship that has me hooked. Don't be fooled its not a fluffy sweet read, think mobsters. This automatically goes to my favorites shelf, give it a go, its an astonishingly good story.
After all the craziness and thrills not necessarily all good, Muffin has finally come alive.
May 5, 2014
Complete and utter waste of reading time. I can't even. Ugh!
Why, oh, why do some people think that they need to write convoluted sentences, using unnecessarily obscure words, in order to be interesting or to be considered "writers?" You would not believe the lengths this person goes to. I swear, she must have exhausted the Thesaurus, because eventually she started using words that didn't even mean what (it seemed) she intended them to mean. Forget about any of it making sense, of course.
Here's a few examples:
"The quick change in altitude undulated a sense of dizziness over me that caused my legs to wobble inhumanely beneath my weight."
Wait...wha?
"He stood up too quickly, got dizzy, and his legs shook."
Oh. Okay. Hmmm. *scratches head in thought* What is "inhuman" about shaky legs? Seriously?
"The anxiety in my stomach encouraged dryness in my mouth that had my lips forming wavering ovals meant to hold sound, but I never achieved meaning."
I gave up on that one. Too much. Just too much. Or maybe not nearly enough?
"I squeezed my eyes shut against the upkeep of my runaway heart." O_O
"My lower lip curled into the coven of my teeth." O_o
Oh, and he was constantly "...offering a nervous lick to my lower lip" or similar. What in God's green Earth is wrong with saying "I licked my lips."? *sigh*
I will not spend time critiquing the plot, because there isn't anything resembling one. The characters, the few that are actually developed enough to talk about, are caricatures. The sex scenes are even more nauseating than the writing. And, to top it all off with a misshapen bow, the ending? Is. A. Nightmare.
So, if you haven't read it, don't. If you have been thinking about it, don't. If you HAVE read it, my condolences. You and I will never get our reading time back. I suggest we move on quickly, lest any more is wasted.
Why, oh, why do some people think that they need to write convoluted sentences, using unnecessarily obscure words, in order to be interesting or to be considered "writers?" You would not believe the lengths this person goes to. I swear, she must have exhausted the Thesaurus, because eventually she started using words that didn't even mean what (it seemed) she intended them to mean. Forget about any of it making sense, of course.
Here's a few examples:
"The quick change in altitude undulated a sense of dizziness over me that caused my legs to wobble inhumanely beneath my weight."
Wait...wha?
"He stood up too quickly, got dizzy, and his legs shook."
Oh. Okay. Hmmm. *scratches head in thought* What is "inhuman" about shaky legs? Seriously?
"The anxiety in my stomach encouraged dryness in my mouth that had my lips forming wavering ovals meant to hold sound, but I never achieved meaning."
I gave up on that one. Too much. Just too much. Or maybe not nearly enough?
"I squeezed my eyes shut against the upkeep of my runaway heart." O_O
"My lower lip curled into the coven of my teeth." O_o
Oh, and he was constantly "...offering a nervous lick to my lower lip" or similar. What in God's green Earth is wrong with saying "I licked my lips."? *sigh*
I will not spend time critiquing the plot, because there isn't anything resembling one. The characters, the few that are actually developed enough to talk about, are caricatures. The sex scenes are even more nauseating than the writing. And, to top it all off with a misshapen bow, the ending? Is. A. Nightmare.
So, if you haven't read it, don't. If you have been thinking about it, don't. If you HAVE read it, my condolences. You and I will never get our reading time back. I suggest we move on quickly, lest any more is wasted.
September 24, 2012
Wow!
I mean...
Wow....just wow!
I'm just blown away by the creativeness of the plot, story, humor, characters, scenarios and angst!!!
It's been a while since I read something so refreshing that i couldn't stop thinking about it even when I had to put it down to do something else...Am I happy I chose to read this over the weekend 'cos had it been during the week, I would've gone mad trying to resist finishing it.
This AMAZING *free* gem is not one to be missed!
TOTALLY RECOMMENDED!!!
I mean...
Wow....just wow!
I'm just blown away by the creativeness of the plot, story, humor, characters, scenarios and angst!!!
It's been a while since I read something so refreshing that i couldn't stop thinking about it even when I had to put it down to do something else...Am I happy I chose to read this over the weekend 'cos had it been during the week, I would've gone mad trying to resist finishing it.
This AMAZING *free* gem is not one to be missed!
TOTALLY RECOMMENDED!!!
October 2, 2012
4.5 - Rating up because it's free read and yes, it's awesome!
I'm a raw mess, still processing and trying to put myself back together 24 hrs after finishing. I think about certain parts of the story and I want to laugh or cry or die of frustration or commit violence. Not very sane behavior, I KNOW! Like I said...I'm a mess. Tons of things bouncing around in my head I want to mention but I'm going to have to let "I LOVED IT!" be good enough.
I'm a raw mess, still processing and trying to put myself back together 24 hrs after finishing. I think about certain parts of the story and I want to laugh or cry or die of frustration or commit violence. Not very sane behavior, I KNOW! Like I said...I'm a mess. Tons of things bouncing around in my head I want to mention but I'm going to have to let "I LOVED IT!" be good enough.
November 27, 2012
Really? That's how the story ended? How anticlimatic! Those were my first thoughts as my eyes rested on the last dot of the story. Which is why I gave this 4 stars (and if I were mean, I'd give it 3.5).
I was mesmerized by the book and the characters for the first half of the story. I was immersed in the events and couldn't wait to read more. But the last half of the book felt disjointed to me (just different from what I expected). I didn't get my HEA but more like a cliffhanger. Thus the lowered rating.
I was mesmerized by the book and the characters for the first half of the story. I was immersed in the events and couldn't wait to read more. But the last half of the book felt disjointed to me (just different from what I expected). I didn't get my HEA but more like a cliffhanger. Thus the lowered rating.
May 6, 2017
I'm OUT #BurntMuffin
I gave this a good shot, read over 266 pages. I just can't deal with unrealistic situations when they are presented as normal. Paranormal stuff bring it on! Crazy over the top action read? Bring it, if that's what is being offered. But please don't tell me BS with no anchor in how normal human beings react. Everyone in this book was unnatural and behaved very strange.
The thing is if I had read this in 2005 I would so so be into Muffin but by now it's just outstandingly amiture. It had potential, and if someone had reality checked this with edits I might be on board.
I could see this working for people looking to escape and not question the strange behavior in this book. That's just not me at the moment.
I gave this a good shot, read over 266 pages. I just can't deal with unrealistic situations when they are presented as normal. Paranormal stuff bring it on! Crazy over the top action read? Bring it, if that's what is being offered. But please don't tell me BS with no anchor in how normal human beings react. Everyone in this book was unnatural and behaved very strange.
The thing is if I had read this in 2005 I would so so be into Muffin but by now it's just outstandingly amiture. It had potential, and if someone had reality checked this with edits I might be on board.
I could see this working for people looking to escape and not question the strange behavior in this book. That's just not me at the moment.
May 30, 2011
This is a pretty elaborate story about Muffin and how he got in the middle of a war between powerful people. Muffin is basically a wonderful character, somewhat bitter, extremely rude and has issues with charity, phobias and his own lack of interest.
What I liked about the story was the plot line. I guess I'm kind of in the whole mafia mood right now and it really did it for me on that aspect. I loved the writing, the humor as well as the characters.
What I had a problem with is the execution of some ideas. I guess the plot has some holes and more explanations would have made a world of difference. In the end I felt cheated because while everything did get touched, nothing was really thoroughly explored. But even with that I would have rated it with 4 stars.
The reason why I didn't is
What I liked about the story was the plot line. I guess I'm kind of in the whole mafia mood right now and it really did it for me on that aspect. I loved the writing, the humor as well as the characters.
What I had a problem with is the execution of some ideas. I guess the plot has some holes and more explanations would have made a world of difference. In the end I felt cheated because while everything did get touched, nothing was really thoroughly explored. But even with that I would have rated it with 4 stars.
The reason why I didn't is
May 31, 2012
I found the reference to this one on goodreads. It is a freebe, but just incredible. I devored it in one weekend.
The story takes place between a heavily traumatized homeless teenager and a rich mobster boss. Muffin, 18 years old, lost his family in a car accident and stayed damaged, paranoid and afraid of water, cars, touches. He lives on the street, afraid of human contact and keeps most everybody at a distance with his verbal attacks. But he is also soft and caring, for his dog and a couple that cares about him.
One day he finds a severly injured man in a back street and calls help which saves the life of the man. This deed changes all for him, as the victim is Asher Pickett, rich mobster boss. He shows up afterwards to thank Muffin for his life. He is dragging Muffin in his world as wanting to pay him back. Muffin is fighting for his independance but slowly loosing terrain to the calm determination of Ash.
An erotic tension is building between the virgin kid and the experienced adult. And the question is: why is Ash insisting to keep Muffin. Is is just gratitude, developping sexual attraction, or something comletely different.
Often I have problems with the I-perspective, but not here. Muffin was just wonderful, struggling with his sanity and still so smart.
The story takes place between a heavily traumatized homeless teenager and a rich mobster boss. Muffin, 18 years old, lost his family in a car accident and stayed damaged, paranoid and afraid of water, cars, touches. He lives on the street, afraid of human contact and keeps most everybody at a distance with his verbal attacks. But he is also soft and caring, for his dog and a couple that cares about him.
One day he finds a severly injured man in a back street and calls help which saves the life of the man. This deed changes all for him, as the victim is Asher Pickett, rich mobster boss. He shows up afterwards to thank Muffin for his life. He is dragging Muffin in his world as wanting to pay him back. Muffin is fighting for his independance but slowly loosing terrain to the calm determination of Ash.
An erotic tension is building between the virgin kid and the experienced adult. And the question is: why is Ash insisting to keep Muffin. Is is just gratitude, developping sexual attraction, or something comletely different.
Often I have problems with the I-perspective, but not here. Muffin was just wonderful, struggling with his sanity and still so smart.
August 27, 2014
4.5* Since it's free, I gave it 5*
What is the reason most of my favorite reads are/were all free online stories?
I just loved stories with young boy + powerful man + mobsters!
This's a brilliant read, fast paced and with a plot which I didn't see it coming.
Muffin is quite a refreshing character. He's a brat, rude and stubborn. I didn't like him in the first few chapters because the words came out from his mouth were too rude and hurtful. But I got to love him more and more.
But the ending..... it's a cliffhanger. I need to read the next book although it's still WIP. :-(
What is the reason most of my favorite reads are/were all free online stories?
I just loved stories with young boy + powerful man + mobsters!
This's a brilliant read, fast paced and with a plot which I didn't see it coming.
Muffin is quite a refreshing character. He's a brat, rude and stubborn. I didn't like him in the first few chapters because the words came out from his mouth were too rude and hurtful. But I got to love him more and more.
But the ending..... it's a cliffhanger. I need to read the next book although it's still WIP. :-(
September 13, 2021
Apunte una vez finalizados los dos libros
NO hay tercer libro cuando debería haberlo y te quedas a medias con la historia
------------ X X X X --------------
Un libro realmente extraño.
Para empezar le sobran la mitad de las páginas, y teniendo en cuenta que son mas de 600, la mitad es mogollón. Se pierde en monólogos que no van a ninguna parte porque son reiterativos, el tipo de narrativa es un poco complicada a veces y la relación entre los protagonistas y secundarios las quiere llenar de tanta intriga que se acaba perdiendo y por consiguiente te pierdes tú totalmente.
Amor, lo que se dice amor, no hay, da la impresión que el de 28 se aprovecha del de 18, y el adolescente se deja llevar sin ningún sentimiento añadido.
Las escenas de sexo son interminables, hay una que debe de durar 20 pg mínimo (que obviamente me salté) porque con tanto monólogo interior no acababan nunca, la mitad de ellas ni las leí
Pero la historia es de lo más atractiva y te quedas con las ganas de continuar, así que allá voy a por el segundo.
NO hay tercer libro cuando debería haberlo y te quedas a medias con la historia
------------ X X X X --------------
Un libro realmente extraño.
Para empezar le sobran la mitad de las páginas, y teniendo en cuenta que son mas de 600, la mitad es mogollón. Se pierde en monólogos que no van a ninguna parte porque son reiterativos, el tipo de narrativa es un poco complicada a veces y la relación entre los protagonistas y secundarios las quiere llenar de tanta intriga que se acaba perdiendo y por consiguiente te pierdes tú totalmente.
Amor, lo que se dice amor, no hay, da la impresión que el de 28 se aprovecha del de 18, y el adolescente se deja llevar sin ningún sentimiento añadido.
Las escenas de sexo son interminables, hay una que debe de durar 20 pg mínimo (que obviamente me salté) porque con tanto monólogo interior no acababan nunca, la mitad de ellas ni las leí
Pero la historia es de lo más atractiva y te quedas con las ganas de continuar, así que allá voy a por el segundo.
June 4, 2016
A long free read which I was compelled to finish in order to uncover an explanation for the convoluted plot. I did not truly care for Muffin or his so-called villains: Asher, Vincenzo and Alrick. Muffin compensates for losing his family in a tragic accident by being rude and obnoxious to everyone, this soon grows old.
'I don't know what compelled me to do it, maybe I felt closer to him after our watery ordeal, maybe it was seeing this defenseless side of him, but I did something recklessly thoughtless.
I tipped my weight forward and kissed him.
It was just a peck on the lips, a small moment of contact, and I regretted it the moment I pulled back to see the intelligent eyes staring at me.'
'I don't know what compelled me to do it, maybe I felt closer to him after our watery ordeal, maybe it was seeing this defenseless side of him, but I did something recklessly thoughtless.
I tipped my weight forward and kissed him.
It was just a peck on the lips, a small moment of contact, and I regretted it the moment I pulled back to see the intelligent eyes staring at me.'
November 13, 2011
One of my favorites. I had bypassed it many times due to the summary (which really didn't interest me). Finally, after seeing it frequently, I gave in and ended up staying up all night reading it. It made me laugh and cry, but mostly laugh. I've reread it many times; it never gets old.
I've read reviews where people were unsatisfied with the ending. Although I'd prefer something else (and am wishing for it in the sequel) I found the ending fine. There were a few things left hanging, but otherwise, I didn't need a sequel. I am very glad the author is writing one, though. She's a very talented author who really should publish one day. She has potential.
I've read reviews where people were unsatisfied with the ending. Although I'd prefer something else (and am wishing for it in the sequel) I found the ending fine. There were a few things left hanging, but otherwise, I didn't need a sequel. I am very glad the author is writing one, though. She's a very talented author who really should publish one day. She has potential.
December 4, 2012
I loved the story, loved all the characters, loved everything about this book. The plot is paced exactly right, and the relationships are, too.This story was just perfect for me! Yeah, I was a little worried that I would quickly get bored because of Stereotype but holy hell Muffin and Asher were so hot for each other. and none of them are even my favorite character cause my fave is Vincenzo.i like the sequel too but I found the ending fine. This is an excellent book much better than a lot of published m/m books
this AMAZING story is free online so give it a try
this AMAZING story is free online so give it a try
September 26, 2012
This is a story about two people's lives randomly intersecting and the implications of that meeting for both of them. Muffin finds a man who has been stabbed in an alley and calls 911. A simple decision which changes his life irrecovably. The story twists and turns and never quite goes where you expect it to. I couldn't stop turning the pages! There were so many amazing characters and each one found a place in my heart. Thank you for the great recommendation Fiona although I think I hate you a little bit because the sequel is still a WIP and I need to know what happens next now :-D
March 17, 2013
This felt a little bit unfinished. The ending was rushed and there were a lot of unexplained plot points. But Muffin was simply a really cool and relatable character and his scenes with Asher were very intriguing and sexy. It would be a good 4-star-read if the writer had taken some time to rewrite it a little bit. Nevertheless, this is definitely one of the better free fics.
Edit: WOW, so there is a sequel ... I take everything back, there is hope after all. :) Four stars, and I am very happy to be able to continue reading about Muffin and Asher.
Edit: WOW, so there is a sequel ... I take everything back, there is hope after all. :) Four stars, and I am very happy to be able to continue reading about Muffin and Asher.
September 13, 2013
This book is brilliant! I recommend everyone to read. Can't believe it's not published. Off to read book 2. If I could give it more stars I would!
February 28, 2013
Surprisingly well written for an unpublished work. Really great!
December 10, 2014
I read this book because Muffin is my dogs name. The book was okay but my dog could have edited it better.
August 19, 2014
8/17/14
More musings:
I was spot-reading and thinking of Muffin and how borderline reprehensible his character is, which led me to think of Intrigue at the Crown Jewel, and how the author tried to create a character that had archetypally negative characteristics that generally would be the bane of the MC, and how I thought Sebastian ultimately had very little redeeming about him and how vaguely annoyed I ended up with him -- interesting because he wasn't completely and immediately discernible as annoying to me, per se, but there definitely was something that didn't sit right with me. Thing about Sebastian is, you're supposed to like him, and that's how he's written in a large sense. (Muffin, on the other hand...I don't know. I don't think it matters if you like him or not. He's how he is. He's not going to be a certain way to get you to like him, i.e. the author's not going to manipulate situations in such a way to force the reader to like her character. [sidebar: that sits better with me; I tend to have issues liking characters that feels like the author's writing too hard make the reader like])
Anyways, I was thinking on Muffin and how he's got all this stuff about him that's kind of stupid and un-hero-like. He's petty, for one, clearly, and somewhat inconsistent at times, really, and he really is kind of an asshole. The thing about him, though, is that even though he is borderline annoying most of the time, he really does have the metaphoric squishy center, but unlike with other more character-like characters, his seems real. You almost don't see it because he's not written in such a way that seems like he does the asshole front to hide his delicate insides; that's just the way he is. He makes stupid decisions, sure, and he's prone to fits of passion, but that just makes him all the more startlingly real, especially in the face of such a melodramatic character...well, character as Asher.
8/4/14
...Eh. I had nothing to say until a couple hundred pages in, when a certain line caused me to think how much of a yaoi this story was.
Although, of course, now that I switched to my computer where I can more easily copy+paste, I can no longer find the then-flagrant line.
But *shrug* it does seem like a yaoi in construction. Pushy presumptuous seme, poor beleaguered uke. Falling into a somewhat Stockholm-esque acceptance.
Anyways, the line happened somewhere towards the end of Chap 11 and beginning of Chap 12. Thereabouts.
So, I mean, the whole thing is non-con, definitely, I suppose dub-con-ish at times, although unlike yaois, there seems to be more plot. Seems to be, though, in that there are actually a good couple hundred pages (in my DL'ed version) before any action happens. Still, though, it's rough, takes a bit to settle into the plot devices, so it can get a little hokey at times.
Okay, so wait. Asher just pushes right into Muffin with no prep at all? Now, there could have been some prep that I missed, since the scene was so damn confusing and I was distracted trying to decide if it qualified for non-con or fell solidly under dub-con, but, I dunno, shouldn't some minimal prep be required, especially given that Muffin's a complete virgin to sex, pretty much?
Asher still doesn't make sense as a character. Hard to tell if that's due to the author or due to narrator bias.
The thing in Chap 17, WTF. Didn't Asher leave on his mysterious business trip? Is Muffin hallucinating? Is he still dreaming?
OH, HEY, LOOK AT THAT. FINGER PREPPING THIS TIME. And it's all lampshaded and stuff: "what I should have done the first time." YEAH, you should have...
Eh, I dunno, all of the sex scenes in this one just make me feel uncomfortable, and I find myself skimming through/past all of this.
It was from that point on that nothing really made sense, though. Pretty sure somehow I tripped and fell down the rabbit hole.
So wait. Wtf. Was Asher even there? Wasn't he out of the country? Or was he not yet?
So wait. What, was the entire damn thing a whole weird long extended dream?
So much weird mind-fuck going on around end of Chap 17 through at least 18, probably into 19.
What a little idiot; he didn't bother take anything with him when he ran.
The biggest problem, I think, is the story's not cohesive. It's not bad, sure, but it's not quite tight enough for it to necessarily make sense as a whole, even as an unreliable narrator situation.
Okay, so shit from about mid-17 through partway through 20 makes little sense, but the aftermath starts getting back on track, it feels like. The derailed feeling is gone, and there's some sense of purpose about the story again.
And this section is just heart-breaking.
Niggle: "diluted water." Doctored water probably makes more sense. You can't really dilute water (with what, more water?)
Honestly, the biggest thing that threw everything out of whack was that awkward sex scene, and Asher's presence after I thought he should have been gone (wtf is this actually a supernatural thing? Can he teleport? Walk through travel portals? Remote manifestation or whatever the term is? wtf is going on?)
Gah. Okay, after mid-20, it starts settling back, I think. Nothing makes sense, still, but it's the unreliable narrator feel and not the unreliable author feel.
This is like that other story, except with a pluckier (or more idiotic) MC. That one where the MC is named Michael and gets sold to this Russian guy who calls him Misha and then there's FBI involved and shit happens, but basically, I don't remember the title. Wait. Traded. That was it.
Anyways, yeah, this story reminds me so much of Traded, except this MC seems slightly less pathetic than Michael seemed most of the time.
It took a while to get here, though. The "Traded" point. Before that, it was more like...I dunno, pretty much every other mobster yaoi out there (which is a gross overgeneralization, as I seem to remember a few that were pretty sweet and fluffy, where the worst ordeal the couple had to go through was getting accepted by the present boss or something. That one had the uke in a black kimono.)
At this point, the story's not exactly bad. There's focus again, as I said, so it doesn't feel like I'm futilely chasing words on a page, willing them to string together to form something cohesive/coherent, but at the same time, it feels almost, but not quite, completely unlike what I was previously led to believe was the story.
Here's the thing, though. Muffin's matured. That much is clear. The circumstances leading up to that are tragic, sure, and clearly he's still operating out of spite, as the decision to lash out for revenge shows. The changes in Muffin's personality, though, probably account for some of the factors that are affecting the story.
The thing is, though, it made so little sense I felt the need to keep scrolling until it got to a point that made sense. Which actually wasn't that helpful, since by the time I got to the reveal, it was late enough in the night(/*cough cough* fine, early early morning) that not much made sense to me anyways.
Welp, now that there's a sort of lull in the action, my brain decided to reflect. Man, this author plays fast and furious (I think that's how the idiom goes) with psychology. Bipolar this, schizophrenia that. At the very least, it does seem to be in the glib way most laymen tend to use, so I guess that's okay.
What the fuck. What the ever fucking fuck. I get to the fucking end of this fucking thing and there's a TBC in part two. Fucking fuck I need some stronger curse words. You goddamn goat-sucking malignant tumor. Or something. I don't even know. In the past few sections, there was nonsense, and then an emotional roller coaster, and then explosions of action I could barely follow, and more nonsense, and it ends on a goddamn TBC?
I'm too tired and mentally distraught to handle this shit.
So yeah. To recap. The beginning of this story was what. Also very yaoi. That happens for most of it, and then utter nonsense happens. Then tons of random shit happens, and Muffin undergoes a severe personality change, and everything becomes all Traded. And then it stops and cheerfully tells you to continue to pt 2, which normally would be no problem, except I still have no wifi at home and was reading off a copy I DL'ed earlier.
More musings:
I was spot-reading and thinking of Muffin and how borderline reprehensible his character is, which led me to think of Intrigue at the Crown Jewel, and how the author tried to create a character that had archetypally negative characteristics that generally would be the bane of the MC, and how I thought Sebastian ultimately had very little redeeming about him and how vaguely annoyed I ended up with him -- interesting because he wasn't completely and immediately discernible as annoying to me, per se, but there definitely was something that didn't sit right with me. Thing about Sebastian is, you're supposed to like him, and that's how he's written in a large sense. (Muffin, on the other hand...I don't know. I don't think it matters if you like him or not. He's how he is. He's not going to be a certain way to get you to like him, i.e. the author's not going to manipulate situations in such a way to force the reader to like her character. [sidebar: that sits better with me; I tend to have issues liking characters that feels like the author's writing too hard make the reader like])
Anyways, I was thinking on Muffin and how he's got all this stuff about him that's kind of stupid and un-hero-like. He's petty, for one, clearly, and somewhat inconsistent at times, really, and he really is kind of an asshole. The thing about him, though, is that even though he is borderline annoying most of the time, he really does have the metaphoric squishy center, but unlike with other more character-like characters, his seems real. You almost don't see it because he's not written in such a way that seems like he does the asshole front to hide his delicate insides; that's just the way he is. He makes stupid decisions, sure, and he's prone to fits of passion, but that just makes him all the more startlingly real, especially in the face of such a melodramatic character...well, character as Asher.
8/4/14
...Eh. I had nothing to say until a couple hundred pages in, when a certain line caused me to think how much of a yaoi this story was.
Although, of course, now that I switched to my computer where I can more easily copy+paste, I can no longer find the then-flagrant line.
But *shrug* it does seem like a yaoi in construction. Pushy presumptuous seme, poor beleaguered uke. Falling into a somewhat Stockholm-esque acceptance.
Anyways, the line happened somewhere towards the end of Chap 11 and beginning of Chap 12. Thereabouts.
So, I mean, the whole thing is non-con, definitely, I suppose dub-con-ish at times, although unlike yaois, there seems to be more plot. Seems to be, though, in that there are actually a good couple hundred pages (in my DL'ed version) before any action happens. Still, though, it's rough, takes a bit to settle into the plot devices, so it can get a little hokey at times.
Okay, so wait. Asher just pushes right into Muffin with no prep at all? Now, there could have been some prep that I missed, since the scene was so damn confusing and I was distracted trying to decide if it qualified for non-con or fell solidly under dub-con, but, I dunno, shouldn't some minimal prep be required, especially given that Muffin's a complete virgin to sex, pretty much?
Asher still doesn't make sense as a character. Hard to tell if that's due to the author or due to narrator bias.
The thing in Chap 17, WTF. Didn't Asher leave on his mysterious business trip? Is Muffin hallucinating? Is he still dreaming?
OH, HEY, LOOK AT THAT. FINGER PREPPING THIS TIME. And it's all lampshaded and stuff: "what I should have done the first time." YEAH, you should have...
Eh, I dunno, all of the sex scenes in this one just make me feel uncomfortable, and I find myself skimming through/past all of this.
It was from that point on that nothing really made sense, though. Pretty sure somehow I tripped and fell down the rabbit hole.
So wait. Wtf. Was Asher even there? Wasn't he out of the country? Or was he not yet?
So wait. What, was the entire damn thing a whole weird long extended dream?
So much weird mind-fuck going on around end of Chap 17 through at least 18, probably into 19.
What a little idiot; he didn't bother take anything with him when he ran.
The biggest problem, I think, is the story's not cohesive. It's not bad, sure, but it's not quite tight enough for it to necessarily make sense as a whole, even as an unreliable narrator situation.
Okay, so shit from about mid-17 through partway through 20 makes little sense, but the aftermath starts getting back on track, it feels like. The derailed feeling is gone, and there's some sense of purpose about the story again.
And this section is just heart-breaking.
Niggle: "diluted water." Doctored water probably makes more sense. You can't really dilute water (with what, more water?)
Honestly, the biggest thing that threw everything out of whack was that awkward sex scene, and Asher's presence after I thought he should have been gone (wtf is this actually a supernatural thing? Can he teleport? Walk through travel portals? Remote manifestation or whatever the term is? wtf is going on?)
Gah. Okay, after mid-20, it starts settling back, I think. Nothing makes sense, still, but it's the unreliable narrator feel and not the unreliable author feel.
This is like that other story, except with a pluckier (or more idiotic) MC. That one where the MC is named Michael and gets sold to this Russian guy who calls him Misha and then there's FBI involved and shit happens, but basically, I don't remember the title. Wait. Traded. That was it.
Anyways, yeah, this story reminds me so much of Traded, except this MC seems slightly less pathetic than Michael seemed most of the time.
It took a while to get here, though. The "Traded" point. Before that, it was more like...I dunno, pretty much every other mobster yaoi out there (which is a gross overgeneralization, as I seem to remember a few that were pretty sweet and fluffy, where the worst ordeal the couple had to go through was getting accepted by the present boss or something. That one had the uke in a black kimono.)
At this point, the story's not exactly bad. There's focus again, as I said, so it doesn't feel like I'm futilely chasing words on a page, willing them to string together to form something cohesive/coherent, but at the same time, it feels almost, but not quite, completely unlike what I was previously led to believe was the story.
Here's the thing, though. Muffin's matured. That much is clear. The circumstances leading up to that are tragic, sure, and clearly he's still operating out of spite, as the decision to lash out for revenge shows. The changes in Muffin's personality, though, probably account for some of the factors that are affecting the story.
The thing is, though, it made so little sense I felt the need to keep scrolling until it got to a point that made sense. Which actually wasn't that helpful, since by the time I got to the reveal, it was late enough in the night(/*cough cough* fine, early early morning) that not much made sense to me anyways.
Welp, now that there's a sort of lull in the action, my brain decided to reflect. Man, this author plays fast and furious (I think that's how the idiom goes) with psychology. Bipolar this, schizophrenia that. At the very least, it does seem to be in the glib way most laymen tend to use, so I guess that's okay.
What the fuck. What the ever fucking fuck. I get to the fucking end of this fucking thing and there's a TBC in part two. Fucking fuck I need some stronger curse words. You goddamn goat-sucking malignant tumor. Or something. I don't even know. In the past few sections, there was nonsense, and then an emotional roller coaster, and then explosions of action I could barely follow, and more nonsense, and it ends on a goddamn TBC?
I'm too tired and mentally distraught to handle this shit.
So yeah. To recap. The beginning of this story was what. Also very yaoi. That happens for most of it, and then utter nonsense happens. Then tons of random shit happens, and Muffin undergoes a severe personality change, and everything becomes all Traded. And then it stops and cheerfully tells you to continue to pt 2, which normally would be no problem, except I still have no wifi at home and was reading off a copy I DL'ed earlier.
October 14, 2011
Ok, I dropped this at 70% because I was reading some scenes and I can't bring myself to read that. Nope.
The plot line, although a bit cliché, managed to pull me in and didn't release me until this very moment. Muffin, an orphan and homeless boy, saves Asher's life when he was left to die in an alley. Asher turns out to be a millionaire and well known man that, for unknown reasons, is dead set on make Muffin's life less miserable. He buys him clothes, gives him baths and teaches him some manners. Like I said, the story is a bit cliché so Asher happens to be a mobster involved in all the things that so-called criminals are supposed to be involved in.
Muffin is an insufferable brat. I like him, but sometimes he needs a good slap in the face. There's a scene in which he mistreats a maid 'cause she had been told not to give him coffee:
Apart from this, the story is not so bad. There are guns, secrets, angst, hot sex and lots of action. BUT, I read some spoilers for the second story and there were things I didn't like, so I dropped it.
The plot line, although a bit cliché, managed to pull me in and didn't release me until this very moment. Muffin, an orphan and homeless boy, saves Asher's life when he was left to die in an alley. Asher turns out to be a millionaire and well known man that, for unknown reasons, is dead set on make Muffin's life less miserable. He buys him clothes, gives him baths and teaches him some manners. Like I said, the story is a bit cliché so Asher happens to be a mobster involved in all the things that so-called criminals are supposed to be involved in.
Muffin is an insufferable brat. I like him, but sometimes he needs a good slap in the face. There's a scene in which he mistreats a maid 'cause she had been told not to give him coffee:
“I’m a fucking guest in this house, and you’re not my babysitter, you’re a maid, so know your place and watch your fucking mouth.”
"Make yourself useful, go mop up the floor."
Apart from this, the story is not so bad. There are guns, secrets, angst, hot sex and lots of action. BUT, I read some spoilers for the second story and there were things I didn't like, so I dropped it.
April 1, 2013
Amazing, long, free online story.
The only problem was, I wanted it to continue, and continue... Muffin is a character who often had me laughing, often crying, and I just wanted more of his life.
Which is incredibly greedly as this is quarter of a million words as it is.
There were a few editorial gliches, but you expect that without a professional publisher's input. It was easily ignored though, because the whole experience was so good.
Thank you, Mahsa, for sharing such a labour of love with us.
The only problem was, I wanted it to continue, and continue... Muffin is a character who often had me laughing, often crying, and I just wanted more of his life.
Which is incredibly greedly as this is quarter of a million words as it is.
There were a few editorial gliches, but you expect that without a professional publisher's input. It was easily ignored though, because the whole experience was so good.
Thank you, Mahsa, for sharing such a labour of love with us.
January 30, 2014
I can see how someone might hate this book, but I really did enjoy it. The book is not happy, and doesn't have a terribly happy ending, though it could have been worse. The is a good bit of comic relief, but don't let the title fool you into thinking this is a comic novel, as it is not. It is fairly dark, with a redeeming factor being that most of the dark characters still show the capacity to care, but stuff still gets twisted.
If you enjoy a human story mixed in with your mobsters and violence, then go ahead and give it a try.
If you enjoy a human story mixed in with your mobsters and violence, then go ahead and give it a try.
September 22, 2012
thank you Fiona, I love it
March 12, 2013
Interesting story but this is NOT a romance. Wish I had known beforehand.
March 6, 2021
I like Muffin's sass, but there's just a too much bullying and coercion for my taste.
December 21, 2017
Sorry, gotta drop it. Around 200 pages in, and I just can't see myself enjoying it anymore.
My biggest issues is the 'romance'. It doesn't sound like a romance at all, its just a rich guy taking advantage of a homeless child that doesn't even know anything about sex. Seriously, not only is he a virgin... (Which is fine and all since he appears to be around 18 yeard old) but he doesn't even know anything at all about sex. How can you not know what masturbation is?? When I was 13 years old, I already knew about BDSM and co. Holy shit.
Okay, that's something I can ignore. There's always a possibility that someone is truly that sheltered and we just happened to stumble uppon him. So back to the dealbreaker, the 'romance'.
Not only does Mr. Rich-guy take full advantage of our Jean d'Arc, he literaly taunts him with his inexpierience. It was like an uncle showing you what else you can do with your peepee. Seriously, it felt like as if I was reading about some adult that is molesting a 12 year old child with near rape. As Muffin so well decribed, rich guy is an utter creep. Another thing is the attitude of Rich guy. Through out the 200 pages, he constantly ignores Muffin and everything he says. Worse even, he doesn't give a single fuck about Muffin's well being unless he is literaly about to die in front of him.
He keeps Muffin like a prisoner, forces him to do things he clearly doesn't want by using physical and mental force. Starving him, freezing him, whatever else just so he does what he is being told. Thats not how you treat a person at all. Uff, and don't even get me started on how Muffin reacts to all of it. Stockholm syndrome I suppose.
I probaly could pull through the story if only Mr. Rich-guy would at least show emotions toward our main character and treat him like a human being would treat another. But all I saw was a slow and painful torture, both physicaly and mentaly, in pretense of 'helping' out.
My biggest issues is the 'romance'. It doesn't sound like a romance at all, its just a rich guy taking advantage of a homeless child that doesn't even know anything about sex. Seriously, not only is he a virgin... (Which is fine and all since he appears to be around 18 yeard old) but he doesn't even know anything at all about sex. How can you not know what masturbation is?? When I was 13 years old, I already knew about BDSM and co. Holy shit.
Okay, that's something I can ignore. There's always a possibility that someone is truly that sheltered and we just happened to stumble uppon him. So back to the dealbreaker, the 'romance'.
Not only does Mr. Rich-guy take full advantage of our Jean d'Arc, he literaly taunts him with his inexpierience. It was like an uncle showing you what else you can do with your peepee. Seriously, it felt like as if I was reading about some adult that is molesting a 12 year old child with near rape. As Muffin so well decribed, rich guy is an utter creep. Another thing is the attitude of Rich guy. Through out the 200 pages, he constantly ignores Muffin and everything he says. Worse even, he doesn't give a single fuck about Muffin's well being unless he is literaly about to die in front of him.
He keeps Muffin like a prisoner, forces him to do things he clearly doesn't want by using physical and mental force. Starving him, freezing him, whatever else just so he does what he is being told. Thats not how you treat a person at all. Uff, and don't even get me started on how Muffin reacts to all of it. Stockholm syndrome I suppose.
I probaly could pull through the story if only Mr. Rich-guy would at least show emotions toward our main character and treat him like a human being would treat another. But all I saw was a slow and painful torture, both physicaly and mentaly, in pretense of 'helping' out.
December 9, 2018
This story was nothing short of beautiful, with breathtaking imagery and connection to the characters. I fell in love with Muffin, he wasn't like any other character I've read before; an innocent bystander caught between destruction and chaos. Muffin lived in his own little world, trapped in the streets, until he saves Asher from bleeding out one night. Throughout the story, the reader is introduced to a witty kid with a heart of gold, ashamed of his love towards Asher, a seemingly dangerous man who's heart gentles at one person, one sweet kid. I was a bit disappointed finding out this was an online book, meaning you couldn't get a physical copy as I would love one. But this is definitely a new favorite of mine and one I will frequently re-read.
November 8, 2020
Objectively this was more of a 3 because there was a lot of things that were so-so about this, most glaring flaw was the writing style/convoluted choice of words, though I was able to ignore the weird vocab most of the time bcz I never bothered to linger on it too much, and I nearly DNF-ed about half way through when Asher and Muffin spent the night at Anna's, BUT
Listen, listen, listen, subjectively I loved this. Words cannot express how much I love the supposedly "unlikeable" characters. And Muffin was an absolute bastard brat with no filter and no self preservation skills, just *chef's kiss* lol.
I enjoyed their problematic relationship and I actually liked the ending but I might be biased cause I'm already reading part 2.
Listen, listen, listen, subjectively I loved this. Words cannot express how much I love the supposedly "unlikeable" characters. And Muffin was an absolute bastard brat with no filter and no self preservation skills, just *chef's kiss* lol.
I enjoyed their problematic relationship and I actually liked the ending but I might be biased cause I'm already reading part 2.
December 28, 2016
Muffin is an 18 years old and has been homeless for years. He has few friends and serious trouble dealing with strangers. One night he encounters a seriously injured stranger in an alley and saves his life.
The story keeps your attention with so many twists and turns involving the young man's troubled past and the beginning of a relationship between the teenager and the stranger.
There is a 'must read' sequel titled "Matthew".
The story keeps your attention with so many twists and turns involving the young man's troubled past and the beginning of a relationship between the teenager and the stranger.
There is a 'must read' sequel titled "Matthew".
Read
June 15, 2022Please, pardon my language but
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I MEAN—
OH C’MON! How someone could fuck up a main character like that? Hes the most annoying fuck Ive ever seen. I swear to God Im so pissed right now. She was trying just too hard to make him *unic* which edned up like shit.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I MEAN—
OH C’MON! How someone could fuck up a main character like that? Hes the most annoying fuck Ive ever seen. I swear to God Im so pissed right now. She was trying just too hard to make him *unic* which edned up like shit.
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