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The Anger Habit: Proven Principles to Calm the Stormy Mind
Carl Semmelroth's The Anger Habit is a leading anger-management book that is poised to become a major force in the category. This book is centered around the principle that for those who have anger problems, anger can be a learned response. Often the people with the problem don't realize that they are acting habitually, or why they are.
Semmelroth takes you step by step through the process of identifying and getting over the anger habit.
Case studies and stories show you how to - Feelings of losing control - Depression - Panic - Family battles
Semmelroth takes you step by step through the process of identifying and getting over the anger habit.
Case studies and stories show you how to - Feelings of losing control - Depression - Panic - Family battles
160 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2000
17 people are currently reading
25 people want to read
About the author
Carl Semmelroth
7 books2 followersAmong recognitions Dr. Semmelroth has received, he is proudest of a "Civie" which he received in 2004 from Americans for More Civility for speaking out against violence in sports. His four books on anger have been well received in the US and are also published in several foreign languages including Arabic in Saudi Arabia and Indonesian in the Far East. Carl served as an expert on child discipline for Child.com answering readers' questions. His latest book is The Compassion Switch. Dr. Semmelroth has taught graduate psychology classes at Cleveland State University, Western Michigan University, and The University of Michigan,.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
November 6, 2019
I found this book to be full of good information on handling our anger problems. Some of our anger creates or stems from other things in our lives and in our histories. Take your time to truly see...the roots of your anger. I have been angry since childhood and have never had my guidance, that which I truly needed. Here in my fifties I am still searching on how to stave the ease of occurrence of my anger and explosions. One day before I am buried in the ground I should attain one of my personal goals! Worth the time to read as it may give you some helpful tips.
November 29, 2017
Loved the book.
Anger unproductive at best and counterproductive at worst.
Angry feelings contain important, necessary information. These feelings can tell infuriated people that they have acted upon certain expectations, made certain observations, interpreted the data obtained through observation and arrived at certain conclusions. Generally, they have made these observations, interpretations and conclusions without being aware of all the steps. Generally, too, they have not questioned their interpretations. To stop angry outbursts, though, they must learn to do so.
Often, angry people are self-important - and this is their greatest weakness. They fear any suggestion that, in fact, they may not be so important after all. Self-importance is not the same as self-respect. Self-respect is based on an honest self-evaluation, whereas self-importance, ironically, may arise from unjustified self-contempt. Anger often reflects the frustration that enraged people feel when they attempt to control what others think of them and what they think of themselves. Moving from self-importance to self-respect can enable them to realize their full potential and to respect the personal potential of their co-workers, family and friends.
anger is not just a failure to communicate. It often involves force. Although force is an attempt to demonstrate strength, it is the dangerous product of fear. Fear and anger reinforce each other. In fact, anger may lead to panic when those in a furious struggle for control begin to feel that they are losing the struggle. Because angry people fear losing control, they turn to threats, which they sometimes carry out.
Angry people feel guilt but not remorse - and these are not the same thing. Remorse is honest. Remorseful people understand what they’ve done wrong and try to repair the damage. Guilt-ridden people, in contrast, deny responsibility and try to escape from the truth.
Children’s anger is similar to that of adults. Often, it is rooted in their recognition that their expectations and predictions are not coming true. But recognizing such outcomes, and coping with them, is a life lesson. Parents must teach their children to deal with disappointment without erupting in anger - but first, they must teach themselves.
Anger unproductive at best and counterproductive at worst.
Angry feelings contain important, necessary information. These feelings can tell infuriated people that they have acted upon certain expectations, made certain observations, interpreted the data obtained through observation and arrived at certain conclusions. Generally, they have made these observations, interpretations and conclusions without being aware of all the steps. Generally, too, they have not questioned their interpretations. To stop angry outbursts, though, they must learn to do so.
Often, angry people are self-important - and this is their greatest weakness. They fear any suggestion that, in fact, they may not be so important after all. Self-importance is not the same as self-respect. Self-respect is based on an honest self-evaluation, whereas self-importance, ironically, may arise from unjustified self-contempt. Anger often reflects the frustration that enraged people feel when they attempt to control what others think of them and what they think of themselves. Moving from self-importance to self-respect can enable them to realize their full potential and to respect the personal potential of their co-workers, family and friends.
anger is not just a failure to communicate. It often involves force. Although force is an attempt to demonstrate strength, it is the dangerous product of fear. Fear and anger reinforce each other. In fact, anger may lead to panic when those in a furious struggle for control begin to feel that they are losing the struggle. Because angry people fear losing control, they turn to threats, which they sometimes carry out.
Angry people feel guilt but not remorse - and these are not the same thing. Remorse is honest. Remorseful people understand what they’ve done wrong and try to repair the damage. Guilt-ridden people, in contrast, deny responsibility and try to escape from the truth.
Children’s anger is similar to that of adults. Often, it is rooted in their recognition that their expectations and predictions are not coming true. But recognizing such outcomes, and coping with them, is a life lesson. Parents must teach their children to deal with disappointment without erupting in anger - but first, they must teach themselves.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 25, 2017
This is one of those books I think I will need to read several times because it has so many good ideas. The ideas come in layers, so I will probably need to revisit it when I’m ready to go beyond the first layer.
The premise of this book is that we develop a habit of anger, often during childhood,and we use it as an automatic response to situations where things don’t go as we expect or we don’t get our way. Anger is the feeling we have, but the actual habit is of attacking or confronting people when they don’t behave as we would like. The authors explain that it is possible, with some effort and patience, to develop more constructive habits for The Times when things don’t go our way. They also explain that if we begin to work on anger in one relationship, we are likely to make similar changes when dealing with others. Over time, growth in this area is exponential. As we work through this process, we will learn skills that help us get what we need without damaging our work or personal relationships. The final piece in this puzzle is to learn how to handle it when someone starts attacking you because they didn’t get their way. Responding with an attack of your own will only escalate things, and that won’t get either of you what you want. Responding without attacking the other person can help things calm down, then it’s easier to work out the problems or misunderstandings that caused the other person to attack.
The premise of this book is that we develop a habit of anger, often during childhood,and we use it as an automatic response to situations where things don’t go as we expect or we don’t get our way. Anger is the feeling we have, but the actual habit is of attacking or confronting people when they don’t behave as we would like. The authors explain that it is possible, with some effort and patience, to develop more constructive habits for The Times when things don’t go our way. They also explain that if we begin to work on anger in one relationship, we are likely to make similar changes when dealing with others. Over time, growth in this area is exponential. As we work through this process, we will learn skills that help us get what we need without damaging our work or personal relationships. The final piece in this puzzle is to learn how to handle it when someone starts attacking you because they didn’t get their way. Responding with an attack of your own will only escalate things, and that won’t get either of you what you want. Responding without attacking the other person can help things calm down, then it’s easier to work out the problems or misunderstandings that caused the other person to attack.
March 23, 2017
This book isn't one to offer recommendations to fix your anger problem. The title is misleading in this. Instead it offer insight as to what is causing your anger. Both Carl Semmelroth and Donald Smith hold a Ph.D. and practice Psychology. They believe that anger is caused by the desire to control another person or thing. Of course, you cannot control others. Therefore, you become angry and lose your tempter because the people or things do not do what you wish. This slowly builds and eventually you stop thinking logically and respond emotionally (i.e. blow up or tantrum). The idea to watch for the small things that bother you and try to control less.
The authors use letters to clients to help explain feelings and thoughts that increase our anger. The book is more about understanding the different forms anger can take on in a person's life. This is not a self-help book because it does not offer specific ways to deal with your anger. It does, however, provoke thoughts on how anger appears and runs rapid in your life. I recommend this book if you have an anger problem because if you are willing to be open, you may see a few things that increase your anger. The clearest principle in this book is stop trying to control everything and decrease the self talk. They just don't add the how. I guess you have to figure that out yourself.
The authors use letters to clients to help explain feelings and thoughts that increase our anger. The book is more about understanding the different forms anger can take on in a person's life. This is not a self-help book because it does not offer specific ways to deal with your anger. It does, however, provoke thoughts on how anger appears and runs rapid in your life. I recommend this book if you have an anger problem because if you are willing to be open, you may see a few things that increase your anger. The clearest principle in this book is stop trying to control everything and decrease the self talk. They just don't add the how. I guess you have to figure that out yourself.
December 22, 2019
Some good ideas
May 16, 2015
Other books on anger generally encourage a person to learn positive communication in order to persuade the person that angered you to change. This book suggests a habitually anger person is probably not going to be less angry even if he can convince all the people in the world change.
The author gives a person who has gotten into the habit of angry outbursts a another option: to recognize anger is a choice to control others, that anger is NEVER someone else's fault, and that you are responsible to find personal solutions to your frustrating situation. For instance, if you are angry, because someone wants you to help them with something you feel is their job, you don't need to throw a tantrum or talk to the person about how he is taking advantage of you. You simply set your own personal boundaries and say, "No thanks. I have other things going on right now." You are not the victim until you allow yourself to be. Find personal solutions to situations rather than waiting on others to change. Lots of practice solutions. Lots of applicable exercises to use with counseling clients.
The author gives a person who has gotten into the habit of angry outbursts a another option: to recognize anger is a choice to control others, that anger is NEVER someone else's fault, and that you are responsible to find personal solutions to your frustrating situation. For instance, if you are angry, because someone wants you to help them with something you feel is their job, you don't need to throw a tantrum or talk to the person about how he is taking advantage of you. You simply set your own personal boundaries and say, "No thanks. I have other things going on right now." You are not the victim until you allow yourself to be. Find personal solutions to situations rather than waiting on others to change. Lots of practice solutions. Lots of applicable exercises to use with counseling clients.
April 3, 2020
My ratings of books on Goodreads are solely a crude ranking of their utility to me, and not an evaluation of literary merit, entertainment value, social importance, humor, insightfulness, scientific accuracy, creative vigor, suspensefulness of plot, depth of characters, vitality of theme, excitement of climax, satisfaction of ending, or any other combination of dimensions of value which we are expected to boil down through some fabulous alchemy into a single digit.
March 28, 2016
Worth a read to examine how anger can function in a myriad of ways in life on a daily basis. Recognising anger feelings is the first step and then recognising it as a warning signal for what we are about to do is the second. Getting rid of feelings of self-importance is recommended and in place, the cultivation of self-esteem. Self-importance demands (anger); self-esteem trades (communicates/negotiates).
May 1, 2014
"Anger is often an attempt to control others". This is pretty much the only useful thing I got out of this book. Many other things including on proper parenting are down-right wrong in my opinion (and based on books I read on parenting such as "raising an emotionally intelligent child" among others....
November 14, 2009
The examples were a bit boring, but I liked the idea of anger as being used as a means of control and how we are each responsible for our own anger.
Read
September 22, 2010I checked this out but I don't remember if I read it or not.
Want to read
November 16, 2015As seen in FYI: For Your Improvement.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews