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296 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1927
“I have begun to sleep badly again and I've decided to tear up everything that I've written and start again. I'm sure that is best. This misery persists, and I'm so crushed under it. If I could write with my old fluency for one day, the spell would be broken. It's the continual effort — the slow building-up of my idea and then, before my eyes and out of my power, its slow dissolving” Apr 2, 1914
“Whenever I have a conversation about Art which is more or less interesting I begin to wish to God I could destroy all that I have written and start again: it all seems like so many ‘false starts.’ Musically speaking, it is not — has not been — in the middle of the note — you know what I mean? When, on a cold morning perhaps, you’ve been playing and it has sounded all right — until suddenly, you realize you are warm — you have only just begun to play. Oh, how badly this is expressed! How confused and even ungrammatical!”
“Oh, if only I could make a celebration and do a bit of writing. I long and long to write, and the words just won’t come. It’s a queer business. Yet, when I read people like Gorky, for instance, I realise how streets ahead of them I be ….” May, 1914
“After reading the work of Octave Mirbeau “I must start writing again. They decide me. Something must be put up against this.
Ach, Tchehov! why are you dead?”
“How unbearable it would be to die — leave “scraps”, “bits” … nothing real finished”
“The man in the room next to mine has the same complaint as I. When I wake in the night I hear him turning. And then he coughs. And I cough. And after a silence I cough. And he coughs again. This goes on for a long time. Until I feel we are like two roosters calling to each other at false dawn. From far away hidden farms.”