Crossroads Road

by Jeff Kay

Jovis McIntire's quiet life in the suburbs is turned upside down the day his mother-in-law wins $234 million in a multi-state lottery. She quickly makes an identical offer to all her children and their families: a large, custom-built home, and two million dollars cash.

But there's a catch, a nasty hook hidden inside the bait. If the deal is accepted, they will be required to live together on a newly-created cul-de-sac in southern California, for the remainder of the matriarch's life — a woman Jovis sarcastically calls Sunshine.

Not a chance!

And that would only be the beginning of it, he knows. The rest of his wife's family is no prize, either. Nancy the bohemian earth child with organic, free-range armpits, Kevin the pompous scarf-wearing intellectual, Sue the 400-pound attention junkie who throws herself down flights of stairs for sympathy… Jovis sees them all as kooks, in one way or another, and they want him to live amongst them? Not for a million bucks! Or two million, even.

But his defiance begins to fade when Jovis returns to his job, and realizes he's now there by choice.

Crossroads Road is the first novel by Jeff Kay, proprietor of the popular humor site The West Virginia Surf Report! It is a rollicking comedy, perfect for fans of National Lampoon's Vacation, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

An early reader called the book "relentlessly hilarious."

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Contemporary, Comedy, Amazon, Ebooks

262 pages, Paperback

First published March 28, 2011

About the author

Jeff Kay read his first issue of MAD magazine when he was eight years old, and it flipped some kind of switch inside him that's never been unflipped.

Throughout the '80s and '90s he published a humor zine called The West Virginia Surf Report!, and moved it to the internet in late 2000. That website became a popular destination for folks whose own switch had been flipped along the way. It remains active today.

In 2011 his first novel, Crossroads Road, was published. Many people loved it, while others said it offered no redeeming social value. Just like they used to say about MAD!

Jeff Kay lives in Clarks Summit, PA, with his wife Toney, their two teenage sons, and a fantastic border collie named Andy.

Reviews

[Lance Carney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first read Jeff Kay’s Ridiculous Adventures in Suburbia: Best of the West Virginia Surf Report, Volume One which is a collection of posts from his on-line journal/zine/blog before buying this book. The funniest parts involved the true adventures of his mother-in-law and her husband, Sunshine and Mumbles. So what does Jeff Kay do for an encore, he creates a fictional Sunshine and Mumbles, has them win the lottery and wreak even more havoc on their families.

Sunshine (with her husband mumbling beside her) offers custom-built homes and two million dollars to each family member. But there is a catch. The homes are in California in a cul-de-sac near Sunshine and Mumble’s house in a new development cleverly named Crossroads Road by Sunshine. As the lead character Jovis says, “The whole thing made my sphincter wink.”
Crossroads Road is every bit as funny as the Best of the West Virginia Surf Report with bathroom humor flowing throughout. The family characters are eccentric, wild and kooky.
And in the end, who knew Stevie Guitar Miller was so promiscuous? So take a trip to Californy and visit Crossroads Road—I guarantee you will be entertained as Sunshine and Mumbles make you feel right at home.

[Jose Lacasse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crossroads Road

What a hilarious book!
The relationship that Jovis has with his in-laws is just too funny. I laughed, held my breath and in the end just totally enjoyed the ride.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kept putting this book down and walking away for a while. This wasn't because it's a terrible book or because I hated it. I did it for the opposite reason: I didn't want the story to end.

As a long time "Surf Reporter" (WVSR fan), I am familiar with many of the characters in this novel. Some are predictable in their insanity, others in their strength and humor. This book will remain on my shelf for years to come, and will be an old 'standby' to re-read for comfort, fun and distraction as needed.

I really hope there's a sequel; Jovis needs to exact his revenge against that entire family. Especially Kevin, Jr. That boy needs a beating.

[Darcia Helle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fun, light read that had me laughing and held my attention throughout. Despite the absurdity of the people and situations, the plot had substance. Beneath the craziness is the question of how much of your privacy - and sanity - you would give up for financial comfort.

The characters are well developed lunatics. Jeff Kay's writing has a great flow and I could see the scenes playing out in my mind as I read. This book has the added benefit of making you appreciate your own crazy family a little more!

[Harold · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pure fun, an enjoyable book. I can't wait for the movie.

[Sandra Lopez · Rating 4 out of 5]

What would you do if your mother-in-law offered you a new house with 2 million dollars? The catch? You’d have to live in a customized cul de sac community with the rest of the annoying, crazy relatives.

For Jovis, it was an initial no-brainer. No! But then he’s not really satisfied with his job or his earnings, and with the new house and the money, he can finally write that novel he’s been dreaming about. So why not? So what if that means the mother-in-law will control every aspect of their lives. That’s what happens when you sell your soul to the devil.

Filled with snarky sarcasm and candid humor, the story was somewhat average with a gradual build-up. The whole story is basically the family’s transition to Crossroads Road (yeah, I thought that was a stupid name for the community, too) with family drama, gossip, and generally idiotic remarks paving the way.

You do feel for Jovis and his wife. Everyone is crazy, especially the mother-in-law, who is both irrational and unpredictable. As fast as she made you rich, she can take it all away and make you poor again. You need a Mylanta margarita to get through this move. The man on the cover illustrates this story well.

Is this all worth it? You just have to see how this disastrous story plays out.

[Eli · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first started reading this book, I was sure that I would hate it. The protagonist goes for easy targets: bra-free women, vegans, the morbidly obese, the poor... I thought that I'd want to stop but the writing style kept me in, as well as the mystery.returnreturnThe ending basically rocked my world. I won't give it away, but let's just say that point of view really, really matters. I highly enjoyed this book and was never bored at any point during my reading.

[Jill Masterson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I loved MAD magazine but I didn't understand the point of this book. I did not like the main character and he was supposed to be the 'normal' one of the family. I found him to be self-centered and judgmental. And I could not believe some of the phases that the character was saying.

[Sarah Marlowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterical. Very hard to turn written words into laugher, but I was cracking up the whole time!

[Suzie Quint]

The reviews said this was funny, so I was hoping... But it's not my kind of humor. DNF at 10%

[Lee Lovelace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hilarious! Read it if you want a gut busting experience.

[Donna Brown]

Crossroads Road by Jeff Kay is the very funny tale of what happens when the answer to all your hopes turns out to be the key to a whole new set of problems. Imagine you’re desperate to start again, to break away from the humdrum banality of life and enjoy a quieter existence. Imagine a relative wins millions of dollars and offers to buy you a house and give you enough money to make sure you can have a substantial break from work, as long as you’re careful with the money. Wouldn’t it be a dream come true?

Well, not if you’re going to be living on Crossroads Road. With interfering relatives. With mayhem and madness at every turn.

It’s not often I read books that I find genuinely funny but Jeff Kay’s novel is certainly full of laughs. From the millionaire control freak who still insists on smuggling fried chicken into venues on a day out to her frankly utterly odd children and grandchildren, Crossroads Road is so chock full of bizarre characters and their unusual antics that it’s a bit like ‘car wreck TV’ in book format! You can see it coming… you know you shouldn’t read on… but you do!

This is very entertaining and the caricatures in the book serve to point out some important facts: it’s hard living with family. It’s even harder when your family are so far from normal it’s almost beyond belief. And – of course – the grass is not always greener on the other side! Very amusing, very easy to read and very good fun.

Originally published on Book Bags and Cat Naps.

[Bill Thibadeau · Rating 5 out of 5]

You are at the cinema really enjoying a movie and, BAM, it is over and you are not ready for an ending. You swear the movie was only 30 minutes long even though it was two hours. Deja Vu - Crossroads Road fits this scenario completely. I was in no way ready for it to end.

This book is an insight into a hilarious dysfunctional family through the eyes of a wannabe writer Jovis (Joseph) McIntire. He is probably the only sane adult member of this extended family and is the narrator of this hopefully fictional story. The saga centers on the family matriarch who wins a lottery and uses these funds to assemble her brood and others in a custom built neighborhood in SoCal where she can oversee EVERYTHING.

If you are wondering where your sense of humor has gone and are having trouble finding it, look no further than this book. The story is hilarious. It is very clever, imaginative, and bright. Make sure that you have a generous block of time to devote to reading because you will have a hard time putting it down.

This is Jeff Kay's first novel and hopefully the first of many. He has a humor website, The West Virginia Surf Report, that you can visit to get a glimpse of his writing style and sense of humor.

Question for Jeff: Is Andy really the kind of a name you would give to a dog?

[Karen Fowler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine being offered brand-new house, free and clear, and two million dollars to boot, would you take it? Just to make things interesting, there's a little catch. To get the money and the house, you have to move into a family-compound of sorts with a cast of crazy, egocentric, borderline-certifiable in=laws. So would you do it? More importantly, would you be able to hold on to your sanity if you did?

That's the crux of this rip-roaring journey into the land of insanity. Add to that a controlling Matriarah, a four-hundred pound sister-in-law who throws herself downstairs for attention, a wealth of paranoia and two cerebral professors that can't find their own way out of a paper box, and what you have is a side-splitting journey into a situation so absurd that it's hard to believe somoene could just make this stuff up. Kay has done a fantastic job with this slightly-cynical, definately hysterical novel. Although I'm not a big fan of the cover art for this novel, the content more than redeems itself. I'll be on the lookout for Kay's next novel, in the event I require a STAT-dose of comedic relief!

[Amy Siggelow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book from LibraryThing's Member Giveaways.

This is one of the funniest books I have read in a very long time! This is a book about a seemingly "normal" family of four living in Pennsylvania. Jovis (which is a name his younger brother came up with when he couldn't pronounce Joseph) and his wife Tara live with their two sons in a suburban Pennsylvania town, both working to make ends meet. Out of the blue, Tara's mother wins the lottery and makes a deal for Tara and her brother and sisters to come live in California on a newly constructed development exclusively for their family, plus receive $2 million per sibling. Sounds like a dream come true to Jovis, except that Tara seems to be the only "normal" one out of her whole family. From the way Jovis describes, this is the beginning of a huge family fiasco, and it seems what he predicts comes true.

Dysfunctionality is a "nice" term describing this family. Between Tara's mother's crazy demands, her sister's weird family and her second sister's flair for the dramatic, this is a great and easy read! I truly enjoyed this book and read it easily in a day and a half. I would love to read more from this author!

[Ellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Crossroads Road was offered free as a Kindle edition, and for this reason alone I began reading without high hopes. However, once I started to read I couldn't stop! Jeff Kay's first novel revolves around Jovis and members of his wife's extended family. When his crazy mother-in-law wins the lottery, the entire brood moves in when she offers two million dollars and a new house per family as an incentive.

This novel is incredibly witty and humorous. I think my favorite parts were in relation to the nicknames Jovis gave to his larger-than-life family...particularly amusing was his trio of nephews whom he called the "Translucents." Additionally, I had to refrain myself from laughing out loud at the wild metaphors and insane imagery--Kay really knows how to keep an audience interested.

I feel that Crossroads Road ended almost before it really began. Nothing really seemed to get resolved, and I would feel much better about the conclusion if I knew a sequel was in the works. Don't let that stop you from reading though. Crossroads Road was a real standout novel for me, as the story didn't drag along and I was entertained by every single page.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this short novel on the recommendation of a friend of mine, and read it in an afternoon. The premise is simple - is it worth putting up with your crazy inlaws for a free amazing house and two million dollars in the bank? That's the question that Jovis faces after his nutso mother-in-law wins $234 million in the lottery, and how he and his wife Tara live with the consequences of their decision is the focus of the book. The different characters are well fleshed out and quite descriptive in places, with some of the supporting characters being the strongest. Some of the behaviors and decisions weren't as well explained as I would like, especially following how the MIL chooses who will live in her subdivision. There are also a few odd subplots that don't really resolve, such as one involving Jovis' son, but there are also some good subplots that add a little interest to the story. I enjoyed the read and it's definitely entertaining, so worth picking up if the premise intrigues you.

[Ames · Rating 3 out of 5]

What Crossroads Road is, is crazy funny! I couldn't stop laughing at all the funny situations this family got themselves into and the way that the main character described every situation. This book was a real page turner and I had a hard time putting it down. I wanted to know what would happen next and how much more chaos would take over these character's lives. I would have easily rated this book four stars, but ended up dropping it down to three because there was so much going on in the character's life, and in the end, no loose ends were ever tied. If this was intended as a stand alone novel, I was unsatisfied with the ending. But, I suppose, if the author was to write a sequel then this novel would definitely have a four star rating from me.
All in all, a great debut novel and worth the read.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone has heard that winning the lotto is bad luck, whether it was on Lost or in general conversation. Crossroads Road is the hilarious tale of what could happen when your crazy mother-in-law wins the jackpot.

The main character and narrator, Jovis, is like anybody you meet on the streets today. The story was written in a way that made Jovis feel as though he was sitting across a table from you, retelling the story of what happened to him in his own words. The story keeps moving and has crazy thing after crazy thing happen to Jovis, so he gets no chance to breath throughout the whole book. At one point I forgot that I was reading because everything was playing so clearly in my mind (I would love to see this brought to a big screen)

I loved this book. It's a great find and perfect for a light, fun beach read.

*I won a free copy this e-book in a LibraryThing Member Giveaway*

[Pop Bop · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Cheerfully Amusing Quirkfest

Sometimes when you have a sitcom style book loaded with quirky characters the edge gets dull pretty quickly and you end up with a bit of a slog. The beauty here is that Kay has taken an excellent setup and just keeps piling on without running out of gas. The "incident" that ends the book is as amusing as the earlier chapters that set everything up.

It helps that our hero/narrator is just nuts enough himself and just grounded enough that he can tell the story and keep it on the rails without squeezing it dry. It especially helps that the book is loaded with deadpan throw-away lines that go beyond the main plot and add spice and variety to the otherwise manic tale.

This was an amusing and cheerfully nutsy find. I picked it up when it was a Kindle freebie and I'm glad I did.

[Mitzi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed all the way through this book. I didn't chuckle, or snicker - I literally laughed out loud, sometimes for several minutes. It's a fun read, and a quick one - overall a great first effort from the WVSR's Jeff Kay. (If you haven't checked out his blog, you are missing out by the way!)

The only reason I gave this 4 instead of 5 stars is the ending - the last two chapters seemed like maybe they should have been switched in order, and some of the plot lines felt a little rushed to resolution. The Incident, which is hinted at through the whole book, could also have been described a bit more... Nothing that ruins the book, not by a long shot though - the characters and situations are just too good! :)

[Dean Fetzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hate the title. But then, I’m supposed to - you’ll work out why when you read this. I wasn’t sure I was going to enjoy this excursion into dysfunctional family life, but Jeff Kay’s situations and the observations of the “normal” narrator of the story piqued my interest and often made me laugh out loud. As far as the plot goes, Donna, matriarch of the family wins millions on the lottery and offers all her kids a house and $2 million, if they agree to move into the new development she’s creating in California. What seems to be a deal with the devil swiftly degenerates, culminating in “The Incident”. I thoroughly enjoyed this and can highly recommend it. (Oh, I hate the cover too, if I’d seen this on a shelf in a bookstore, I wouldn’t have touched it with a barge pole.)

[Anne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Both the author and his characters are “smart alecs”. The story started off as a humorous look at the life of a middle-class fellow in a job he only tolerates with a group of in-laws, coworkers and neighbors that are, to say the least, unique. However, the continuous string of wisecracks, unlikable people and bizarre situations soon made the book tedious. Life was presented as something to be endured. The book attempted to build to a climax the central character called the “incident”, but this incident was forced and significant only because it put an end to the monologue of smart remarks. Good luck to these characters – they need much more than their gifted lottery winnings and new homes!

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was highly entertaining, and laugh-out-loud great. Until the end. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm suspecting maybe editing had something to do with it. It seemed like all the energy was poured into the story, then someone popped the tire. Regardless, I'm still willing to say I thought it was hilarious and a great lesson in building characters. Oh my goodness. The story was totally unique-- at least, I'd never read anything with this storyline. Yes, there was language. Normally, I'd be turned off by it, but he used it so artfully-- His descriptions and insults were hysterical. I'd read more about this crazy family in a heartbeat. Highly recommended for those with a good sense of humor.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Got this as a free copy in exchange for a review. Loved it! It was a lot of fun, all about a very dysfunctional family that are all coerced into living in the same cul de sac after the mother of them wins millions in a lottery. She offers 2 million to each of her children and a luxury house if they will live as her neighbours. We get to meet all the siblings and their families, and they're all bonkers in one way or another. The story narrator comes across as the most normal. Will all of the craziness rub off on him? Will he get fed up and leave? Whatever happens is going to be described in a vividly funny way. You could almost see it as a sitcom in the making!

[Stephanie Wolf · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extremely humorous look a one man’s wife and her family of unique characters.

His mother-in-law wins the lottery and decides to build a cul-de-sac for her family to live next to her, and give each of the $2 million dollars. Would you be willing to pick up your family and move next to your mother-in-law knowing she paid for the house?

Add to the mix a collection of siblings and their spouses, each of whom has their own trait, earth child, obese beyond healthy, etc.

A definite read for those want a laugh at what some people will do for money.

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book reads like a blog. Not that there's anything wrong with that. :-)

The characters are broadly drawn but realistic, if the reality shows I watch are an indication of realism. I can't say that I like any of them -- not even Jovis -- but maybe I'm not supposed to.

Finished. I can't say it was a waste of time, but I'm glad I didn't pay for it. Only one scene was funny to me -- when Jovies was helping his sister-in-law move -- but it was more infuriating than funny, now that I think about it.

Jovis and Tara behaved like whiny, ungrateful brats.

I can't recommend this.

[Flsunluvr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was by far one of the funniest books I've read in a long time! Anyone w/a family (dysfunctional or not) can appreciate the humor in this book and empathize w/the main character, Jovis, who is being driven crazy by his entire family-in-law. His mother-in-law, Sunshine, hit a multi-million dollar lotto and decides to buy an entire cul-de-sac in California and begin filling the brand new homes with family members. Poor Jovis really is one of the few sane people in this story and I was really LOL while reading.

[Trudy L · Rating 3 out of 5]

Within the first chapter or so, I laughed til I cried. Unfortunately the humor and language progressively got worse as the book went on, which may or may not have been a product of the circumstances Jovis and his family found themselves in. They quickly discover that their initial instinct was "spot on", that there is no such thing as a "free house" and money, and that some things are more valuable than material possessions. Like your sanity, for instance....

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

OMG! This novel cracked me up! The narrator has a twisted sense of humor, much like myself, so I appreciated it. I laughed out loud OFTEN! The story centers on a man whose mother-in-law wins a crazy amount of money in the lottery then offers her family $2 million and a custom built house with the agreement that they all move into the same neighborhood created by her: Crossroads Road. Everyone is dysfunctional to the max and the bizarre dynamics make for a hilarious read.