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Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them, dealing frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as:
- Scratching
- Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series but necessarily the names of all his children
- Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts
- Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method
- Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a "prostate"
- Scratching
- Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series but necessarily the names of all his children
- Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts
- Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method
- Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a "prostate"
238 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
About the author
Dave Barry
139 books2,285 followersDave Barry is a humor writer. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened.
Dave has also written many books, virtually none of which contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave.
Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll.
In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets.
Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.
Dave has also written many books, virtually none of which contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave.
Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll.
In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets.
Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 279 reviews
December 6, 2008
It has been awhile since I read this, but I recall it being sooo funny. I think this is my favorite passage:
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they'd better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of myself-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ...
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
''What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so ...
'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Roger.
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.'' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.
(At last she speaks.)
''Thank you, Roger,'' she says. ''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they'd better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of myself-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ...
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
''What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so ...
'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Roger.
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.'' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.
(At last she speaks.)
''Thank you, Roger,'' she says. ''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
April 1, 2022
[7/10]
Every statement of fact you will read in this book is either based on actual laboratory tests, or else I made it up. But you can trust me. I’m a guy.
Dave Barry is a funny man, in the best sense of the word. He doesn’t need to swear or to get angry or to insult the audience in order to induce some laughter. Part of the reason for this is probably the fact that he is not your regular stand-up comedian but a Pulitzer-winning columnist. The written word is his preferred medium, and not live improvisation.
I’ve been saving this book for a rainy day [like after finishing a heavy, hard-hitting and depressing novel] and Dave Barry delivered the promised release of clouds from my mental horizon. I knew he can write, from reading a few years ago his Florida based crime novel “Big Trouble”.
His manual for understanding male behaviour is sold as non-fiction, and according to the author, the book is the result of many years of rigorous studies, as demonstrated by statistics included and by helpful charts and diagrams. But who is the intended audience for the guide? Who needs to have their misconceptions cleared and explained? Guys don’t really care about self-analysis, not as long as they have a cold beer in hand and the television turned on to the sports channel. What’s the real difference between a man and a clothespin?
And think how much happier women would be if, instead of endlessly fretting about what the males in their lives are thinking, they could relax, secure in the knowledge that the correct answer is: very little
The structure of the book is also scientifically split for a progressive understanding of the concept, starting with the definition of guyness, guys through history, guys in the animal kingdom [including some horror references to the love life of banana slugs], a nature versus nurture debate on how guys are made, guys explained to women, guys and violent behaviour, guys and scientific experiments involving explosions and/or trebuchets, guy problems [like correct protocol in the restrooms], guy mysteries [what happens to the laundry after you drop it on the floor] and the future of guys.
Warning!
Extremely High Testosterone Levels
Next 15 miles
I liked the presentation: it was fairly short and entertaining. I could mention some reservations about the lightness of the material and the lack of seriousness, but that’s actually the whole point of the exercise. I could also comment in more detail on each of the topics Dave Barry considers important in understanding guys behaviour, but he is after all the professional and does a much better job than I ever could. Even if I’m a guy too, according to the test you can take at the start of the book.
Contrary to what many women believe, it’s fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it’s extremely difficult. This is because guys don’t really grasp what women mean by the term relationship .
Will I read another book by Dave Barry? Sure, bring it on! [he’s not a high priority, but he really is a natural raconteur]. Best of all, I can probably buy another copy of this book as a present for my girlfriend next time we fight over house chores or over being attentive to her needs in bed... and hope she will not throw it at my head in exasperation.
A lot of guys can’t see dirt. This is why they’re so bad at cleaning chores around the house. Partly, of course, this is because they have learned that if they do a bad enough job, they will no longer be asked to do cleaning chores around the house, but mainly its because dirt is flat invisible to them.
Every statement of fact you will read in this book is either based on actual laboratory tests, or else I made it up. But you can trust me. I’m a guy.
Dave Barry is a funny man, in the best sense of the word. He doesn’t need to swear or to get angry or to insult the audience in order to induce some laughter. Part of the reason for this is probably the fact that he is not your regular stand-up comedian but a Pulitzer-winning columnist. The written word is his preferred medium, and not live improvisation.
I’ve been saving this book for a rainy day [like after finishing a heavy, hard-hitting and depressing novel] and Dave Barry delivered the promised release of clouds from my mental horizon. I knew he can write, from reading a few years ago his Florida based crime novel “Big Trouble”.
His manual for understanding male behaviour is sold as non-fiction, and according to the author, the book is the result of many years of rigorous studies, as demonstrated by statistics included and by helpful charts and diagrams. But who is the intended audience for the guide? Who needs to have their misconceptions cleared and explained? Guys don’t really care about self-analysis, not as long as they have a cold beer in hand and the television turned on to the sports channel. What’s the real difference between a man and a clothespin?
And think how much happier women would be if, instead of endlessly fretting about what the males in their lives are thinking, they could relax, secure in the knowledge that the correct answer is: very little
The structure of the book is also scientifically split for a progressive understanding of the concept, starting with the definition of guyness, guys through history, guys in the animal kingdom [including some horror references to the love life of banana slugs], a nature versus nurture debate on how guys are made, guys explained to women, guys and violent behaviour, guys and scientific experiments involving explosions and/or trebuchets, guy problems [like correct protocol in the restrooms], guy mysteries [what happens to the laundry after you drop it on the floor] and the future of guys.
Warning!
Extremely High Testosterone Levels
Next 15 miles
I liked the presentation: it was fairly short and entertaining. I could mention some reservations about the lightness of the material and the lack of seriousness, but that’s actually the whole point of the exercise. I could also comment in more detail on each of the topics Dave Barry considers important in understanding guys behaviour, but he is after all the professional and does a much better job than I ever could. Even if I’m a guy too, according to the test you can take at the start of the book.
Contrary to what many women believe, it’s fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it’s extremely difficult. This is because guys don’t really grasp what women mean by the term relationship .
Will I read another book by Dave Barry? Sure, bring it on! [he’s not a high priority, but he really is a natural raconteur]. Best of all, I can probably buy another copy of this book as a present for my girlfriend next time we fight over house chores or over being attentive to her needs in bed... and hope she will not throw it at my head in exasperation.
A lot of guys can’t see dirt. This is why they’re so bad at cleaning chores around the house. Partly, of course, this is because they have learned that if they do a bad enough job, they will no longer be asked to do cleaning chores around the house, but mainly its because dirt is flat invisible to them.
August 11, 2010
Part of me wanted to be really upset with humorist Dave Barry for revealing many well-guarded Guy secrets in this book, but the other part of me got distracted from doing so by watching a neighbor fire a Civil War era cannon in his yard for no apparent reason.
Barry's mission (that he chose to accept) is to keep the reader laughing and this book absolutely delivers. Recommended reading for every guy, in order to learn more about themselves (as long as they don't get emotional), and for every female so that they can better understand their mates and what exactly they are getting themselves into.
No information is sugarcoated and no punches are pulled over the 200+ page exploration of the guy psyche. As long as you remember that Dave is writing a humor book intended to make you chuckle, you'll appreciate his insight and his jokes.
Even though this book is approaching it's 20 year mark, it's still a hilarious today's as it likely was upon publication. If you don't need a ton of substance with your laughs, you'll enjoy this title along with anything else written by the funniest man in America.
Barry's mission (that he chose to accept) is to keep the reader laughing and this book absolutely delivers. Recommended reading for every guy, in order to learn more about themselves (as long as they don't get emotional), and for every female so that they can better understand their mates and what exactly they are getting themselves into.
No information is sugarcoated and no punches are pulled over the 200+ page exploration of the guy psyche. As long as you remember that Dave is writing a humor book intended to make you chuckle, you'll appreciate his insight and his jokes.
Even though this book is approaching it's 20 year mark, it's still a hilarious today's as it likely was upon publication. If you don't need a ton of substance with your laughs, you'll enjoy this title along with anything else written by the funniest man in America.
November 8, 2023
My partner read this to me in the hospital. I've been here over a month so some humour really helped pass the time and lift my mood. We both laughed, so mission accomplished.
August 8, 2009
Yes, I went on kind of a Barry Bender here. Forgive me - as I said before, sometimes you just need a palate-cleanser before you get back into the fray.
If you're reading this, and there's a good chance that you are, you probably know a guy. You may even be a guy, though the way Barry talks about them, you wouldn't think that guys would be into book reviews. If you know a guy, then this book is for you - it will illuminate some classic guy behaviors and shine some lights into the dark corners that your rational mind has been unable to penetrate. If you are a guy, then this book is also for you. Guys aren't famous for their introspection, but perhaps it will allow you to understand why it is your wife and/or girlfriend get so frustrated with you from time to time (hint: it's not her, it's you).
This book is a tribute to guys (not men - those people have enough advocates as it is) and the ways in which they live. It's like a documentary in print, really, giving us a rare glimpse into the lifestyle and habits of the modern guy.
So, what exactly is a guy, then? Well, you're lucky - Barry has included a self-analysis quiz in the first chapter. For example:
Being a guy means more than just being a man, and in fact there is a very definite difference between men and guys. Men are people we of the male persuasion wish we could be - Superman, Edward R. Murrow, George Clooney. Guys are who most of us turn out to be - Homer Simpson, Bill O'Reilly, Tom Arnold. And there's nothing inherently wrong with this. It's just that as long as we assume that guys will act like men, we're bound to be disappointed. Guys are terribly misunderstood in modern society despite the very important role they play.
For example: without guys, we wouldn't have a space program. Don't believe it? What other type of person would deliberately design a rocket, watch it shoot up and then say, "I wonder if we can make a bigger one?" Guys, that's who. The Saturn V is a tribute to guyness, as is the space shuttle - an endlessly tinkerable machine that occasionally blows up.
Without guys, there would be no professional sports, to say nothing of the parasitic fan industry that has sprung up around sports like a remora. Guys have an undying and unyielding attachment to sports teams - you might see a guy leave his wife of twenty years and the children they raised together, but I'd be willing to be that he would sooner die than switch his team allegiance from, say, Yankees to Red Sox. The unshakable, irrational dedication of these guys is what keeps modern sports afloat despite scandal and disappointment. Now I'm not a sports fan, I'll admit, but I can certainly relate - I'll support NASA until the last breath leaves my body, and no force on earth will ever get me to switch from DC Comics to Marvel, no matter how badly DC messes with the characters that I've always loved, the bastards.
I also don't get to play a part in the endlessly frustrating relationship that exists between guys and women, seeing as how I'm, well, into guys. As a side note, The Boyfriend is also a guy, but less than I am - he cleans, for example. And I don't mean that he cleans the way a real guy cleans - spray a little, wipe a bit and say, "Good enough." He actually cleans. Like, every day. I know - weird, isn't it?
Women and guys will always frustrate each other, you see. Women love to read meaning into every nuance of conversation, every raised eyebrow or dropped word. Women want to know what the guy in their life is thinking. The answer is that he probably isn't thinking. At least, not about what she would want him to think about - her and the relationship they share. In fact, as Barry takes pains to point out, he may not, technically, be aware that he's in a relationship at all. You ladies have a lot of work to do if you're hooked up with a guy.
But before you go thinking that the life of a guy is sweet ignorant bliss, think again. You ladies will never know the pain of the Urinal Dilemma, or the feeling of knowing that, no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to fix anything in your own home - your wife will have to call a man (probably named Steve) for that. Guys' minds aren't terribly complex, but they do run on certain rules. Know these, and your relationship with the guy in your life will go much more smoothly.
This is really one of Barry's classics, a book that everyone can easily enjoy. Whether you are a guy or just know a guy, there's laughs to be had here.
If you're reading this, and there's a good chance that you are, you probably know a guy. You may even be a guy, though the way Barry talks about them, you wouldn't think that guys would be into book reviews. If you know a guy, then this book is for you - it will illuminate some classic guy behaviors and shine some lights into the dark corners that your rational mind has been unable to penetrate. If you are a guy, then this book is also for you. Guys aren't famous for their introspection, but perhaps it will allow you to understand why it is your wife and/or girlfriend get so frustrated with you from time to time (hint: it's not her, it's you).
This book is a tribute to guys (not men - those people have enough advocates as it is) and the ways in which they live. It's like a documentary in print, really, giving us a rare glimpse into the lifestyle and habits of the modern guy.
So, what exactly is a guy, then? Well, you're lucky - Barry has included a self-analysis quiz in the first chapter. For example:
As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?I think you can guess which answers reveal your guyness.
a. Innocence
b. Idealism
c. Cherry bombs
Compete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
a. ... remember the deceased and console his loved ones
b. ... reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life
c. ... tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
a. Democracy
b. Religion
c. Remote control
Being a guy means more than just being a man, and in fact there is a very definite difference between men and guys. Men are people we of the male persuasion wish we could be - Superman, Edward R. Murrow, George Clooney. Guys are who most of us turn out to be - Homer Simpson, Bill O'Reilly, Tom Arnold. And there's nothing inherently wrong with this. It's just that as long as we assume that guys will act like men, we're bound to be disappointed. Guys are terribly misunderstood in modern society despite the very important role they play.
For example: without guys, we wouldn't have a space program. Don't believe it? What other type of person would deliberately design a rocket, watch it shoot up and then say, "I wonder if we can make a bigger one?" Guys, that's who. The Saturn V is a tribute to guyness, as is the space shuttle - an endlessly tinkerable machine that occasionally blows up.
Without guys, there would be no professional sports, to say nothing of the parasitic fan industry that has sprung up around sports like a remora. Guys have an undying and unyielding attachment to sports teams - you might see a guy leave his wife of twenty years and the children they raised together, but I'd be willing to be that he would sooner die than switch his team allegiance from, say, Yankees to Red Sox. The unshakable, irrational dedication of these guys is what keeps modern sports afloat despite scandal and disappointment. Now I'm not a sports fan, I'll admit, but I can certainly relate - I'll support NASA until the last breath leaves my body, and no force on earth will ever get me to switch from DC Comics to Marvel, no matter how badly DC messes with the characters that I've always loved, the bastards.
I also don't get to play a part in the endlessly frustrating relationship that exists between guys and women, seeing as how I'm, well, into guys. As a side note, The Boyfriend is also a guy, but less than I am - he cleans, for example. And I don't mean that he cleans the way a real guy cleans - spray a little, wipe a bit and say, "Good enough." He actually cleans. Like, every day. I know - weird, isn't it?
Women and guys will always frustrate each other, you see. Women love to read meaning into every nuance of conversation, every raised eyebrow or dropped word. Women want to know what the guy in their life is thinking. The answer is that he probably isn't thinking. At least, not about what she would want him to think about - her and the relationship they share. In fact, as Barry takes pains to point out, he may not, technically, be aware that he's in a relationship at all. You ladies have a lot of work to do if you're hooked up with a guy.
But before you go thinking that the life of a guy is sweet ignorant bliss, think again. You ladies will never know the pain of the Urinal Dilemma, or the feeling of knowing that, no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to fix anything in your own home - your wife will have to call a man (probably named Steve) for that. Guys' minds aren't terribly complex, but they do run on certain rules. Know these, and your relationship with the guy in your life will go much more smoothly.
This is really one of Barry's classics, a book that everyone can easily enjoy. Whether you are a guy or just know a guy, there's laughs to be had here.
June 6, 2009
I've read this book aloud to my family on more than one road trip. My daughter didn't get all the jokes but she did get some and she laughed anyway. My redneck fiance and me, a typical lefty Seattleite, both laughed so hard we could barely breath in parts. I recommend this to any Dave Barry fan. It's one of his best.
January 8, 2011
HILARIOUS BOOK. Especially the chapter about Eileen and Roger in the car having two completely different conversations, thinking they're having the same one. Eileen says, "Roger, we've been dating for six months now," as a way to segue into talking about where their relationship is going. And Roger is thinking, wow, six months! That means...whoa! I am WAY overdue for an oil change here! Eileen keeps talking, thinking she's pouring her heart out, and Roger is thinking about his car, and maybe also basketball. It's a very humorous portrayal of guys - not men, as he specifies, but guys - and how they're such simple, one dimensional creatures. Guys and girls can enjoy this one.
January 1, 2016
Once upon a time I was a huge Dave Barry fan. This time was when I was about sixteen to about age twenty. I was introduced to him by my high school English teacher or by my high school journalism teacher (they were the same person), most likely in journalism. The teacher read an essay about grammar to us, and I was bowled over. I had to read more. And that I did, eventually.
I bought several of Barry's how-to books (Claw Your Way to the Top came first, a book on business) and his first book of columns, Bad Habits. And I laughed a lot. By age twenty, however, when I read a book of his on home improvement, the love affair was ending. His second book of columns did not seem so funny, and his book on U.S. history only moderately redeemed his more recent work for me. And now, over twenty years have passed since I last picked up one of his works.
This book I got for free from the Little Library in our neighborhood. I figured I'd give Barry a try again. It looked entertaining and funny, and it proved a great book for the light reading needed while on family vacation, since much of that vacation was spent corralling little boys at a water park and did not lend itself to deep reading on the philosophical underpinnings of why humans gather themselves into urban civilizations. Having not read reading quite so light in a long while, I now know how and why some people can manage to get through books so quickly: large print and easy to read equals short time.
The book itself, however, was something of a disappointment. Barry is a humorist. This means that his main objective is to tell jokes. There wasn't a lot to glean here other than laughs. And as I've gotten older, making me laugh has gotten relatively tougher to do. Far Side cartoons, which in my late teens were hilarious, now stir mostly a nod from me. Barry likewise might occasionally make me smile, but only one hard laugh was generated in its two hundred plus pages.
The book is about guys, as opposed to men. Here, Barry is onto something, which he does a good job of laying out in his first chapter. Guys go with the flow. They do not generally accomplish important things with their lives. They do stupid stuff. They avoid work as possible. They are not particularly moral or immoral. They are, essentially, like grown-up kids.
What follows are a number of chapters full of cliches about male behavior, some of them gleaned from personal life, some from news stories, and a number of them common ideas that have lingered in the air for generations. All's well and fine, I suppose, to make fun of males--Barry after all is one--but at some level it becomes a bit tedious and insulting. A guy's idea of housework is . . . A guy's concept of a relationship is . . . And so on. To some extent, I wonder how many of such insights are even true. My wife, indeed, is pickier about cleaning bathrooms than I am, and I have to admit that from my second apartment on as a single man, I largely avoided decorating and eschewed furniture as much as possible, though not for the reasons that Barry might pose. I did not find such stuff necessary and didn't want it weighing me down, as opposed to simply not thinking about it (I had, in fact, made an effort with my first apartment and decided I would not do so again until I owned a place and was certain to stay put). And as for relationships, I can attest to being slow to commit, but again, it was not because I never even thought about them with girls I may have gone out with, and I can say the same of many of my male friends.
About the only set of criticisms that rang true for me were those on home improvement and the feelings of inadequacy I feel as compared to “men.” I am one of those guys who wants desperately to fix up the house but who often feels overwhelmed by a set of skills I never learned or was taught and who does feel somewhat less manly because of that lack.
But of course, Barry isn't looking to tell the truth or to make great insights. He's trying to make us laugh. However, it might just be that with more life experience, I find myself less likely to laugh a stereotypes and more likely to laugh at things that do provide true insights. After all, if laughter is at least in part a reaction to surprise and discomfort, it takes some revelation of truth, perhaps previously unknown, to elicit it.
I bought several of Barry's how-to books (Claw Your Way to the Top came first, a book on business) and his first book of columns, Bad Habits. And I laughed a lot. By age twenty, however, when I read a book of his on home improvement, the love affair was ending. His second book of columns did not seem so funny, and his book on U.S. history only moderately redeemed his more recent work for me. And now, over twenty years have passed since I last picked up one of his works.
This book I got for free from the Little Library in our neighborhood. I figured I'd give Barry a try again. It looked entertaining and funny, and it proved a great book for the light reading needed while on family vacation, since much of that vacation was spent corralling little boys at a water park and did not lend itself to deep reading on the philosophical underpinnings of why humans gather themselves into urban civilizations. Having not read reading quite so light in a long while, I now know how and why some people can manage to get through books so quickly: large print and easy to read equals short time.
The book itself, however, was something of a disappointment. Barry is a humorist. This means that his main objective is to tell jokes. There wasn't a lot to glean here other than laughs. And as I've gotten older, making me laugh has gotten relatively tougher to do. Far Side cartoons, which in my late teens were hilarious, now stir mostly a nod from me. Barry likewise might occasionally make me smile, but only one hard laugh was generated in its two hundred plus pages.
The book is about guys, as opposed to men. Here, Barry is onto something, which he does a good job of laying out in his first chapter. Guys go with the flow. They do not generally accomplish important things with their lives. They do stupid stuff. They avoid work as possible. They are not particularly moral or immoral. They are, essentially, like grown-up kids.
What follows are a number of chapters full of cliches about male behavior, some of them gleaned from personal life, some from news stories, and a number of them common ideas that have lingered in the air for generations. All's well and fine, I suppose, to make fun of males--Barry after all is one--but at some level it becomes a bit tedious and insulting. A guy's idea of housework is . . . A guy's concept of a relationship is . . . And so on. To some extent, I wonder how many of such insights are even true. My wife, indeed, is pickier about cleaning bathrooms than I am, and I have to admit that from my second apartment on as a single man, I largely avoided decorating and eschewed furniture as much as possible, though not for the reasons that Barry might pose. I did not find such stuff necessary and didn't want it weighing me down, as opposed to simply not thinking about it (I had, in fact, made an effort with my first apartment and decided I would not do so again until I owned a place and was certain to stay put). And as for relationships, I can attest to being slow to commit, but again, it was not because I never even thought about them with girls I may have gone out with, and I can say the same of many of my male friends.
About the only set of criticisms that rang true for me were those on home improvement and the feelings of inadequacy I feel as compared to “men.” I am one of those guys who wants desperately to fix up the house but who often feels overwhelmed by a set of skills I never learned or was taught and who does feel somewhat less manly because of that lack.
But of course, Barry isn't looking to tell the truth or to make great insights. He's trying to make us laugh. However, it might just be that with more life experience, I find myself less likely to laugh a stereotypes and more likely to laugh at things that do provide true insights. After all, if laughter is at least in part a reaction to surprise and discomfort, it takes some revelation of truth, perhaps previously unknown, to elicit it.
December 15, 2015
I was a junior in high school when I received this book as a Christmas gift from a guy friend. My first reaction was, "WTF?", or whatever the popular euphemism was in 1997.
My bestie and I stayed up all night reading this aloud to each other, laughing our heads off.
I had forgotten all about that until this morning when I was reminded of this little gem...now I'm off to dig through boxes in my basement hoping I can unearth it for a re-read.
My bestie and I stayed up all night reading this aloud to each other, laughing our heads off.
I had forgotten all about that until this morning when I was reminded of this little gem...now I'm off to dig through boxes in my basement hoping I can unearth it for a re-read.
November 14, 2021
I ran across this in storage, I must have liked it because I kept it. Besides, the urinal-use section appears to be well worn, so maybe I bought it used... and maybe someone else used it as a bathroom book. So off to the condo library goes this one.
February 22, 2011
While the information about guys may be redundant, the humour is not! Let's face it. Guys are simple creatures without an ounce of mystery. There's so much to know about them, which most of us learn by the time we are five.
That being said, there is no denying that despite the lack of mystery some among the species of guys (like Dave Barry) are blessed with an amazing sense of humour. This is my first introduction to Dave Barry, and he's found himself a fan. His seeming effortlessness to keep us in stitches, the nonchalant manner in which he points out mankind's quirks, and the unabashed way of holding up a mirror to himself and laughing out loud definitely scored a number of brownie points with me.
Note to self: Get your hands on as many books by Dave Barry as you can for the down and out days.
That being said, there is no denying that despite the lack of mystery some among the species of guys (like Dave Barry) are blessed with an amazing sense of humour. This is my first introduction to Dave Barry, and he's found himself a fan. His seeming effortlessness to keep us in stitches, the nonchalant manner in which he points out mankind's quirks, and the unabashed way of holding up a mirror to himself and laughing out loud definitely scored a number of brownie points with me.
Note to self: Get your hands on as many books by Dave Barry as you can for the down and out days.
July 6, 2011
It’s way too hot (over 100 degrees) to summarize this book therefore I’ll let Dave speak for himself.
“The guy body is unlike the female body. And I am not talking here about the obvious peaks and valleys. I am talking about a unique guy physical problem, a severe genetic handicap that poses a grave risk to the health of the guy body; namely, it is under the control of the guy mind.
“The guy mind does not believe in medical care. Guys will generally not seek medical treatment, for themselves or for others, except in certain clear-cut situations, such as decapitation. And even then guys are not going to be 100 percent certain. “Let’s put his head back on with duct tape and see if he can play a couple more innings," is the prevailing guy attitude.”
“The guy body is unlike the female body. And I am not talking here about the obvious peaks and valleys. I am talking about a unique guy physical problem, a severe genetic handicap that poses a grave risk to the health of the guy body; namely, it is under the control of the guy mind.
“The guy mind does not believe in medical care. Guys will generally not seek medical treatment, for themselves or for others, except in certain clear-cut situations, such as decapitation. And even then guys are not going to be 100 percent certain. “Let’s put his head back on with duct tape and see if he can play a couple more innings," is the prevailing guy attitude.”
March 6, 2025
“Guide to Guys” covers familiar territory, almost every topic in the book has been explored before. However, what adds to its value is its light, humorous, and somewhat bold approach. It’s an easy read that shouldn’t be taken too seriously. In my opinion, it should be handled as follows, “If you have some of those habits, work through them, but until then, talk about them and laugh about them.”
One of the smartest aspects, in my opinion, is the subtle humor directed at women. While the book primarily puts men in the spotlight, there are moments where it playfully pokes fun at women as well, which added an extra layer of entertainment for me. That said, I would have appreciated the use of more globally inclusive examples. While it’s financially smart to address the American audience, using universally relatable examples would have made the book even more engaging.
I picked up this book for a laugh, and it delivered some. It also offered some insight into certain behaviors and situations, but it shouldn’t be taken to be explaining a gender.
One of the smartest aspects, in my opinion, is the subtle humor directed at women. While the book primarily puts men in the spotlight, there are moments where it playfully pokes fun at women as well, which added an extra layer of entertainment for me. That said, I would have appreciated the use of more globally inclusive examples. While it’s financially smart to address the American audience, using universally relatable examples would have made the book even more engaging.
I picked up this book for a laugh, and it delivered some. It also offered some insight into certain behaviors and situations, but it shouldn’t be taken to be explaining a gender.
June 5, 2025
I don't know why this was added to my T-R list 15 years ago, but it was at times a very entertaining read. It's weird because I read the book and listened to the audiobook (narrated by John Ritter at BREAKNECK speed, it's like he's trying to win a contest of the number of words spoken outloud per minute) and there are some parts added (mostly quick asides about his wife Beth) and some parts taken out (thinking of the Lorena Bobbitt where they kept in the section, as well as the doctor scene in the final section). In any case, it's just making fun of how guys won't ask for directions, are always convinced they can fix anything (to avoid Steve the handsome contractor swooping in to help), and are terrible at remembering anything not related to sports. I like his style of storytelling and I'd recommend if anyone is desperate for something entertaining and light - but don't listen to the audiobook or you're going to feel out of breath unless you slow the speed down to under 1!
November 19, 2017
What a day to finish reading this book - The International Men's Day. Hilarious, hilarious book!
May 2, 2018
Dave is a funny guy and is perfectly adept as a writer and as a guy to tackle the premise of this book's title. With genuine insight and lots of humor, Dave explores the quirks and foibles of what it is to be a guy. It's a quick and enjoyable read. Recommended.
July 15, 2012
I have to say this is one of the most enjoyable experiences I've ever had with a book. I mean, of course I enjoy books, but enJOY - as in laugh my appendages sore nonstop - is not something I experience everyday, even with good-humored authors. Dave Barry is a trip anyway - if you enjoy humor, many of his books are well worth your investigation - but this one tops them all. Far too many favorite parts to really do it justice, but I will say that I've pushed the horse/he said, she said chapter onto numerous friends and relatives. Men will love it every bit as much; just show them the urinal spacing diagram and he will never, ever turn back. This fills an incredible need for stomach-wrenching laugh attacks. Thanks, Dave...
May 6, 2011
I have read this book many times. I can quote large chunks of it, but I still laugh out loud every time I pick it up. Dave is an equal-opportunity offender. He takes the mickey out of everyone, and in this particular book, he levels his laser-like wit on his own gender, embracing the universal foibles of the guys (not men, guys) we all know, love and sometimes want to strangle. He also has some pointed things to say about a select few cliches peculiar to the female gender, but mostly it is a free-for-all, no-holds-barred, hilarious "explanation" of how guys think and behave. Everyone should read this book.
December 4, 2012
Audiobook read by John Ritter, fittingly. Felt like a book written by Jack Tripper. There is some truly hilarious stuff in here about stereotypical relationship dynamics, but there was also a LOT of misogynist and/or sexist stuff in here, too, obviously. As you could probably guess from the title. Mostly it's the literary equivalent of sitcom humor, more "heh" than "haha" with the occasional "ugh."
August 9, 2016
During the laundry rant, I was laughing so frequently on the metro, that the guy next to me wanted to know what I was reading. There are definitely some funny bits. There are also some segments where he's trying just a little too hard. A fun, fast, relaxing read. PS - Dave, Grants Pass, OR does not have an apostrophe between the "t" and the "s" but I was thrilled to see Oregon mentioned a couple times.
November 19, 2009
This book is hilarious. The way he say's things and the way he try's to put things in perspective for you is just funny. But i think you should be 13 and older to read this book because some of the things he says shouldn't be heard by little kids.
October 26, 2008
Cute, but not much more than that.
June 7, 2011
My friend borrowed it from me. A few hours later I found her sitting in the corridor with this big group from class, everyone laughing too loudly for college. I swear I am not making this up.
March 6, 2013
It has been a long time since I "read" this book. In fact I listened to it on a cassette tape. If you choose the audio version, make sure John Ritter is the reader. Hilarious!!
January 3, 2016
A quick read, and full of humor about guys and the silly things they do.
July 28, 2026
I found a vintage copy at a coffee shop. I’d heard about it, even saw the 2005 movie, but hadn’t read the book. Throughout the 1990s, my parents bought the Sunday paper every week for exactly two reasons: to read the comics, and to read Dave Barry’s column aloud, as a family. Dave Barry had been writing about “guy behavior” for years. He wasn’t the only one joking about guys. The sitcom “Home Improvement” had laughter at their expense as its center-pivot, as did The Red Green Show.
Oh the differences between guys and women! Guys never read instructions! Guys never ask for directions! Guys have stronger feelings about sports than their wives! Guys will get drunk and ride a canoe down a ski slope! Several times per day, a guy imagines himself with a different woman! A guy is content going to work and coming home to a beer and sports on TV! If a guy sees a pair of boobs, his brain shuts off but his mouth keeps going! Har har har. Typical “guy” behavior.
These jokes were old even then. In the 1990s, we laughed about it, but I think today, 30+ years later, we’re just plain sick of this behavior. None of it is funny or endearing anymore. We’re tired of waiting for guys to do better. Even by the time the 2005 mockumentary came out, the jokes were old. Home Improvement had milked them to death.
However, some things remain timeless:
Also amusing to read about Dave’s son growing up with He-man action figures, and how cartoons aimed at kids are full of beefy guys beating each other up in order to sell beefydolls action figures. Put on a gilding of morality to get by the censors. See, it’s not just a 22-minute toy commercial! We teach life lessons! Somehow He-man is still current and we’ve come full circle.
It’s amusing to look back on all of this and ponder how I used to think it applied to me, yet going by the conventional wisdom of the time, I have the mind of a woman because I don’t take things at face value, as if this is a trait inherit to men and insights are entirely the domain of the female mind.
We know men are not merely unfeeling logic units and women are not bundles of out of control emotions restrained only by the men in their lives. Even in the 90s, we knew this is culture. Men are not taught how to do laundry, or how to fold towels, or how to cook, so of course they'll mess it up when their girlfriends asks them to help out. Likewise, women are generally not taught about cars, so of course the garage tends to be the man’s domain. The differences between men and women are not a big mystery.
So many men are raised to believe that a man must be everything a woman is not. Woman = emotion, therefore man = stoic. Woman = nurturing, therefore man = distant. Women shower every day, therefore men should never shower. It’s gotten more extreme since this book’s publication. Guys now think if they experience an emotion they become feminine, and they refuse to be reduced as men. Everything we once laughed about has evolved into the “man-o-sphere,” Alpha-beta-sigma males treating people like crap and posturing because they think it’s what women want.
People get hurt because of this kind of behavior. We’re not laughing anymore, guys. Learn how to fold a towel. Being able to do these things yourself makes you a better person, not less of a man! Sheesh.
Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys is an amusing, nostalgic look back on jokes that were outdated even when the book was written, but we thought they were new. And while I don’t identify with any of the behavior associated with “typical guys,” I would pay money to watch a flaming vacuum cleaner competition.
Oh the differences between guys and women! Guys never read instructions! Guys never ask for directions! Guys have stronger feelings about sports than their wives! Guys will get drunk and ride a canoe down a ski slope! Several times per day, a guy imagines himself with a different woman! A guy is content going to work and coming home to a beer and sports on TV! If a guy sees a pair of boobs, his brain shuts off but his mouth keeps going! Har har har. Typical “guy” behavior.
These jokes were old even then. In the 1990s, we laughed about it, but I think today, 30+ years later, we’re just plain sick of this behavior. None of it is funny or endearing anymore. We’re tired of waiting for guys to do better. Even by the time the 2005 mockumentary came out, the jokes were old. Home Improvement had milked them to death.
However, some things remain timeless:
as the male baby is entering the outside world, he starts to become indoctrinated into the ways of guyness, because of the way he will be treated by his parents, particularly by his father. [...] This process continues when the baby guy gets home, and his parents give him a bunch of stereotypically male toys to play with. It is sad but true that even today, boy babies are generally given toys that stress power and dominance, such as trucks and planes and trains, whereas girl babies generally get toys that stress nurturing and sacrifice, such as dolls with names like Baby Puke-On-U.
Also amusing to read about Dave’s son growing up with He-man action figures, and how cartoons aimed at kids are full of beefy guys beating each other up in order to sell beefy
It’s amusing to look back on all of this and ponder how I used to think it applied to me, yet going by the conventional wisdom of the time, I have the mind of a woman because I don’t take things at face value, as if this is a trait inherit to men and insights are entirely the domain of the female mind.
We know men are not merely unfeeling logic units and women are not bundles of out of control emotions restrained only by the men in their lives. Even in the 90s, we knew this is culture. Men are not taught how to do laundry, or how to fold towels, or how to cook, so of course they'll mess it up when their girlfriends asks them to help out. Likewise, women are generally not taught about cars, so of course the garage tends to be the man’s domain. The differences between men and women are not a big mystery.
So many men are raised to believe that a man must be everything a woman is not. Woman = emotion, therefore man = stoic. Woman = nurturing, therefore man = distant. Women shower every day, therefore men should never shower. It’s gotten more extreme since this book’s publication. Guys now think if they experience an emotion they become feminine, and they refuse to be reduced as men. Everything we once laughed about has evolved into the “man-o-sphere,” Alpha-beta-sigma males treating people like crap and posturing because they think it’s what women want.
People get hurt because of this kind of behavior. We’re not laughing anymore, guys. Learn how to fold a towel. Being able to do these things yourself makes you a better person, not less of a man! Sheesh.
Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys is an amusing, nostalgic look back on jokes that were outdated even when the book was written, but we thought they were new. And while I don’t identify with any of the behavior associated with “typical guys,” I would pay money to watch a flaming vacuum cleaner competition.
January 14, 2018
Dave Barry is American journalist who gained popularity writing for a regional newspaper Miami Herald and thanks to his talent and sense of humor became famous around the U.S. and abroad.
The essay "Breaking the Ice" is the thoughts and recollections of the author about his youth. It starts with the question which Dave Barry got from the young reader who asked the advice how to ask the girl for a date. As a reply, the writer told about his past experience in that deal.
According to the assumption that "there was always the possibility that the girl would say no", the author believed that the guy should avoid the direct request. He humorously concluded that after such an answer he needed "go into the woods and become a bark-eating hermit whose only companions would be the gentle and understanding woodland creatures. ... the woodland creatures would shriek in cute little Chip 'n' Dale voices while raining acorns down upon my head. “You wanna DATE? HAHAHAHAHAHA.”
So Dave Barry said:
"Never risk direct contact with the girl in question. Your role model should be the nuclear submarine, gliding silently beneath the ocean surface, tracking an enemy target that does not even begin to suspect that the submarine would like to date it. I spent the vast majority of 1960 keeping a girl named Judy under surveillance, maintaining a minimum distance of 50 lockers to avoid the danger that I might somehow get into a conversation with her, which could have led to disaster."
The author had a friend, Phil who was ready to help to arrange the date. "... after several thousand hours of intense discussion and planning with me, Phil approached a girl he knew named Nancy, who approached a girl named Sandy, who was a direct personal friend of Judy's and who passed the word back to Phil via Nancy that Judy would be willing to go on a date with me."
The main impression about the meeting (watching a movie in a cinema) was a tension. The author didn't feel confident, he wouldn't be able to communicate with Judy "without the assistance of Phil, Nancy, and Sandy". That feeling spread for everybody who was around. His mother who drove them to the cinema "was hideously embarrassing, had to pretend she wasn't there".
As a result of experience, the narrator gave advice for the young reader about asking the girl for a date: don't hesitate, pick up the phone and call her.
This is a link to the original text of the story:
https://msjproch.files.wordpress.com/...
The essay "Breaking the Ice" is the thoughts and recollections of the author about his youth. It starts with the question which Dave Barry got from the young reader who asked the advice how to ask the girl for a date. As a reply, the writer told about his past experience in that deal.
According to the assumption that "there was always the possibility that the girl would say no", the author believed that the guy should avoid the direct request. He humorously concluded that after such an answer he needed "go into the woods and become a bark-eating hermit whose only companions would be the gentle and understanding woodland creatures. ... the woodland creatures would shriek in cute little Chip 'n' Dale voices while raining acorns down upon my head. “You wanna DATE? HAHAHAHAHAHA.”
So Dave Barry said:
"Never risk direct contact with the girl in question. Your role model should be the nuclear submarine, gliding silently beneath the ocean surface, tracking an enemy target that does not even begin to suspect that the submarine would like to date it. I spent the vast majority of 1960 keeping a girl named Judy under surveillance, maintaining a minimum distance of 50 lockers to avoid the danger that I might somehow get into a conversation with her, which could have led to disaster."
The author had a friend, Phil who was ready to help to arrange the date. "... after several thousand hours of intense discussion and planning with me, Phil approached a girl he knew named Nancy, who approached a girl named Sandy, who was a direct personal friend of Judy's and who passed the word back to Phil via Nancy that Judy would be willing to go on a date with me."
The main impression about the meeting (watching a movie in a cinema) was a tension. The author didn't feel confident, he wouldn't be able to communicate with Judy "without the assistance of Phil, Nancy, and Sandy". That feeling spread for everybody who was around. His mother who drove them to the cinema "was hideously embarrassing, had to pretend she wasn't there".
As a result of experience, the narrator gave advice for the young reader about asking the girl for a date: don't hesitate, pick up the phone and call her.
This is a link to the original text of the story:
https://msjproch.files.wordpress.com/...
December 16, 2017
I remember reading parts of this book with my friends back in high school and thinking it was hilarious. Now, years later, I sat down and read it again and found it... mostly hilarious.
Some parts of the book didn't age well. Some, I realize, were purely high school guy humor. But many parts of the book are timeless and genuinely, laugh-out-loud funny: e.g., the rules of urinal usage, the way guys root for sports teams and the way guys scratch themselves.
Read it out loud with your (slightly immature) loved ones and enjoy.
Some parts of the book didn't age well. Some, I realize, were purely high school guy humor. But many parts of the book are timeless and genuinely, laugh-out-loud funny: e.g., the rules of urinal usage, the way guys root for sports teams and the way guys scratch themselves.
Read it out loud with your (slightly immature) loved ones and enjoy.
August 8, 2017
I picked this book on the suggestion of one of the highly upvoted comments in a Reddit thread on humorous books, I saw multiple Reddit users agreeing with it which in turn set my expectations high only to be end up being unfulfilled.
Dave Barry is said to be a humorist, he has even claimed himself to be one but his text hardly got out a chuckle from me. One of the reasons could be that I didn't get most of the references mentioned.
I know that humor is subjective, and keeping that in mind, I can say with fair amount of certainty that I didn't find this book funny.
Dave Barry is said to be a humorist, he has even claimed himself to be one but his text hardly got out a chuckle from me. One of the reasons could be that I didn't get most of the references mentioned.
I know that humor is subjective, and keeping that in mind, I can say with fair amount of certainty that I didn't find this book funny.
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