Never Send Flowers

John Gardner's Bond #13

by John Gardner

The legendary 007 discovers a link between four assassinations, and Bond's investigation takes him on a wild intercontinental chase culminating in a chilling pursuit through EuroDisney. By the author of Death is Forever.

Genres: Fiction, Thriller, Espionage, Spy Thriller, Action, Mystery, Audiobook

286 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

Before coming an author of fiction in the early 1960s, John Gardner was variously a stage magician, a Royal Marine officer and a journalist. In all, Gardner has fifty-four novels to his credit, including Maestro, which was the New York Times book of the year. He was also invited by Ian Fleming’s literary copyright holders to write a series of continuation James Bond novels, which proved to be so successful that instead of the contracted three books he went on to publish some fourteen titles, including Licence Renewed and Icebreaker.

Having lived in the Republic of Ireland, the United States and the UK, John Gardner sadly died in August of 2007 having just completed his third novel in the Moriarty trilogy, Conan Doyle’s eponymous villain of the Sherlock Holmes series.

Reviews

[Ron Wroblewski · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a much better book than the last one I read from Gardner. Action moved along, kept me wondering what would come next. Not dealing with the old Soviet Block but with a retired actor who went on a killing spree. And in the end the stage was set at Euro Disney in France. Enjoyed hearing about the rides that I was familiar with. And maybe, just maybe, James Bond may have a long term relationship that will last.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

When it comes to the Gardner 007 books I can easily admit having read them all, bar this one mostly since I had never found an affordable copy and the Gardner books were hit and miss in my humble opinion.

This book sees 007 tracking down the assassin of a member of the British secret service and as it turns out a very able assassin of some other high profile figures. Bonds job starts in Swiss were he gets matched up with a Swiss partner of the female kind which of course leads to romance.
Bond does track down the assassin and his cronies, he saves Princess Diana and the two princes from death while visiting Disney world Paris. Which is no big surprise as 007 usually does get the job done.

Is it a great novel?- NO it is not
Is it a good vacation read?- If you are a fan of 007 it might be.

It is a novel unlike the recent new 007 novels as it is clearly Gardners' 007 and with this novel he starts James Bonds journey to another place as MI6. He clearly recognized that 007 was getting a bit long in the teeth and needed a different place from which to operate from and flaunt his obvious skills.

And as always John Gardner, may he rest in peace, does know how to write a entertaining novel. Even if 007 does not shine for me as Gardner made happen several times before.

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a John Gardner fan, this book is for you. If you are a 007 fan, this book is for you. If you are an Ian Fleming fan, this book is for you. Seriously though, this is one of the better Bond books, and I'm including the original Fleming books when I say that. The plot is rather convoluted, but it all works out in the end. Bottom line: if you want a satisfying quick read, give this book a shot.

[Randall J. · Rating 1 out of 5]

James Bond would NEVER like Disneyland.

[Dustin Dye · Rating 1 out of 5]

The problem with John Gardner's Bond series was the stories and characters were insipid. Never Send Flowers adds a couple layers of frustration on top of that.

In a nutshell, Bond must unmask a serial assassin who has gone off on a globe-trotting killing spree. The trail leads to David Dragonpol, a retired actor holed up in a German castle where he is constructing a museum of theatre, and planning assassinations on the side.

The story actually gets off to an intriguing start: a rapid succession of assassinations culminating in the murder of an MI5 agent, who was the fiancé of the actor Dragonpol. The MI5 agent has a skeleton in her closet: her brother was a notorious serial killer, a fact that was missed in the vetting process.

The story pretty much craps out after the set up. I kept waiting for the connection between the MI5 agent's serial killer brother and David Dragonpol to be established. Other than they were both psychotic killers named David who had a relation to the MI5 agent, there is no connection. I had a feeling the serial killer brother was set up as some sort of red herring, but it never pays off, and isn't even used as much of a red herring. The twists that do occur in the novel are so predictable you wonder how a brilliant secret agent could miss them when they're obvious to a casual reader.

Other points in the story are either confusing or stupid. The "twist" (which is clear to the reader, but not to Bond for some reason) is that David Dragonpol has a twin brother impersonating him. It gets confusing when even after finishing the book you're not sure if the villain was David or his brother, Daniel. Was David the killer or was it Daniel? Which brother got killed on the rooftop? Was Bond only interacting with Daniel at the Dragonpol castle, or did he alternately interact with both brothers? I have a feeling Gardner didn't know himself. He was making the story up as he went along and didn't care enough to go back and see if everything made sense. Another element that was stupid, but par for the course for Gardner's series, is M hired Bond's female sidekick who had just been fired from the Swiss secret service. I highly doubt MI6 (or SIS) would hire a foreign national directly into its clandestine service, especially one who had just been fired from another country's secret service, and if they did, it wouldn't be an immediate hire with absolutely no vetting. Gardner asks us to suspend a lot of disbelief this time around, but now disbelief is suspended from a skyscraper over an Olympic-sized pool.

This is the 13th book in Gardner's Bond series, and it seems he has fallen into a comfortably repetitive routine. Yet again Bond falls hopelessly in love with the Bond girl. This would be good material for a satire--contemplating every Bond girl meant something to him--but it is cheesy in a purportedly straight-faced story. Gardner describes the MI6 headquarters as a "nondescript building overlooking Regents Park" for at least the 13th time. And I can't remember how many times in these books M was peeved at Bond for some reason, won't listen to Bond, and disciplines him, only to see the light a few chapters later.

This still could have been a two- or three-star book if not for the baffling and insulting "creative" decisions made in the final act. (Not spoiling much--it is mentioned in the synopsis on the dust jacket, I'm commenting on how bad it actually plays out.) Dragonpol's targets are Princess Diana and Princes William and Harry. Prince William was 10 and Prince Harry was 8 at the time of publication. It is usually bad taste to make real-life children into a killer's targets, even in a suspense book. And given Princess Di really was killed in Paris (where the finale is set) only four years later, this book hasn't aged particularly well. The (in)famous conclusion at EuroDisney is as bad as other reviewers have said. The first half of the "explosive" conclusion is Bond gushing about how much he loves Disney World and how wonderful its staff is, and him riding the Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion rides, eating at the theme park's wonderful restaurants and just loving every minute of it. Gardner even writes, I shit you not, "It is certainly value for money." I put the book down at this point. A Bond book should not stop the action in the middle of the conclusion for a five-page EuroDisney advertisement. I'm guessing this is how Gardner justified writing his family vacation to EuroDisney off his taxes, but Bond fans shouldn't suffer for this.

In summary, promising set up that quickly goes down hill and off a cliff.

[David]

The Dragonpol plot is just fine. In several places, terrifying. But 007 is in love again. I find it tougher to accept each time.

[Judith McAteer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a chore. The characters were poorly written, the women were atrocious. It read like a mills and boon for spies.
The plot was far too silly. Did Disney sponsor it??

[Ira Livingston · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bond is a detective, yet again in Gardner's books - makes me wonder why he even took on the Bond canon, if he consistently just doesn't follow the harsh creation of Flemings.

Is this full of twists, of course Gardner is great at that which makes these books harder and harder to believe.

This one he plays detective to take on an actor who happens to be a twin to a psychopath killer. But it gets even better with a sister that joins in the protection of her mentally deviant relative.

But as I mentioned in the last few books, Bond once again is falling for his female counterparts. I'm wishing he just retires because this is getting even more cliche, more problematic for his profession, and Bond just isn't acting Bond-like at all in these later novels.

I don't recommend this, not even for die-hard fans.

Overall rating of book series:
1 - Casino Royale / On Her Majesty's Secret Service
2 - Goldfinger
3 - From Russia with Love
4 - Live and Let Die
5 - Diamonds are Forever / Dr. No
6 - Moonraker / For Special Services
7 - Scorpius
8 - Thunderball / License Renewed
9 - Colonel Sun
10 - You Only Live Twice
11 - James Bond, The Spy Who Loved Me (Wood) / Icebreaker
12 - For Your Eyes Only / Octopussy & The Living Daylights
13 - The Man with the Golden Gun
14 - The Spy Who Loved Me
15 - Nobody Lives Forever
16 - No Deals, Mr. Bond
17 - James Bond and Moonraker (Wood)
18 - The Man from Barbarossa
19 - Win, Lose or Die
20 - Role of Honor / Brokenclaw
21 - Death is Forever
22 - Licence to Kill / Never Send Flowers

[David · Rating 1 out of 5]

It has been years since I read any of the continued adventures of James Bond by Mr. Gardner. I thoroughly enjoyed "License Renewed" and "Icebreaker" back in the early days of Mr. Gardner's writing in this series.

However, in this novel, Bond is little more than a glorified policeman, hunting down a deadly assasin who sends a very specialized rose to the funerals of his victims. Bond is, of course, sexually active to the point of extreme nasuea in this novel, though the author doesn't attempt to bore us with the sexual details, he just feels the need to tell us that Bond and his female companion performed like Olympic champions all night long.. Big deal, Gardner, get to the story.. reveal the bad guy.. move the plot along...

There are some neat mysterious twists in this novel, but they are almost so obvious that the reader is repetitvely disappointed. In fact, this book is written in such a way as to be rushed, overly intuitive, and greatly disappointing.

Though this novel has some of the familiar Bond elements story it still is not the typical James Bond and I struggled to get to the absurd end. Disneyland France plays a fanciful part in the story and Gardner goes to great detail to describe the wonders of Disneyland, which only added to the tedium of the novel.

I don't recommend this one to anyone.

[Steve Mitchell · Rating 1 out of 5]

John Gardner’s thirteenth book of the James Bond canon is one of the low points of the series. Introducing a major character well into the last quarter of a novel always seems a desperate attempt to extricate yourself from the holes in the plot that you have dug in earlier chapters. You get the idea that his heart was not really in this cliché filled novel that lapses into self parody becomes infuriating after a while: even for this ardent Bond fan. Gardner took care to follow his Bond novels from Ian Fleming’s original, but this one has Bond reminiscing about an extended holiday spent at Disneyland!
A series of high profile assassinations that no terrorist group claims responsibility for culminates in the murder of a member of MI5’s counter terrorism unit. MI5 approach their sister service as the murder took place in Switzerland; and Bond teams up with the beautiful Fredericka von Grüsse with the inevitable consequences. The story unfolds at a pedestrian pace with ridiculous – even by Bond standards – action sequences and coincidences that would not fool a six-year-old.

[Ryan Scicluna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Detective James Bond is on the case! Sure this isn't Gardner's best book but it was enjoyable as a thriller. It did not feel like a James Bond novel but it had its nice touches. I especially liked the Dragonpol's Castle. The book ends in a mystery suggesting changes to come. I am quite perplexed as to what will happen of Flicka whom I have mixed feelings about. In the beginning she looks as yet an other Bond Girl but during the story she handles herself quite well and at least doesn't die. I don't know if i like her relationship with Bond as he is somewhat too emotional in her regard (he even feels like falling in love with her and we all know how tragic that can be). I am really excited for the next book as I hope some question left unanswered here, will some how find an answer there.

[Carson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gardner rebounded in NEVER SEND FLOWERS. After a string of novels that dipped in quality, this one had fine imagery, Bond was more recognizable as Bond and the plot and climax were engaging. There were some loose ends and the love bug strikes 007 yet again (gag!), but a climax involving EuroDisney, Princess Diana, and Princes Harry and William makes it worthwhile.

Some of the smoke and mirrors of this one is a bit hokey, but it is much more valid an entry in the Bond canon than the last handful of stories. Still a far cry from Fleming's Bond, this one has enough action to have been a film even if the initial wild goose chase we were on and some of the characters were overkill.

3 1/2 stars, #8 of 13 Gardner's thus far.

[John Yelverton · Rating 3 out of 5]

At the end of the book, James Bond comments that he no longer wishes to continue "playing detective", which at least lets the reader know that John Gardner understood that he was having the character do something different. It really felt more like a psychological thriller from Thomas Harris than a spy novel from Ian Fleming.

[Clem · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is now officially official: I’m going to take a break from the John Gardner penned James Bond books. As I’ve stated in previous reviews, I am currently fiercely committed to getting through the series of books by the author who ‘officially’ took over this concatenation from Ian Fleming. These books are overall good, but lacking in originality and depth, and I can’t help but feel that I’m not doing the reviews justice since I seem to be plodding through at a faster pace than what is probably required.

I made a dedicated effort to go through this one a bit slower and really allow the story to sink in, and not hurry through in an attempt to simply “get it over with”. I think I succeeded overall, yet even going through this one at a less-than manic pace, I can’t help but feel I’ve read all of this before. Again and again and again. In all of the other John Gardner Bond novels.

The book starts off well. Several high profile individuals from around the globe are mysteriously assassinated in what seems to be a well thought out, carefully constructed manner. In other words, someone powerful must be pulling the strings. So James Bond is called in to investigate. Of course he’s paired up with a lovely honey who can best be described as a counterpart from one of the countries where one of the killings has taken place. Well, here’s a rule for James Bond books - anytime a lady with better than average looks appears within the first fifty pages - well, can you guess what will happen?

Sadly, from this point, the story goes downhill. The murderer, somehow, ends up being a high profile movie actor. Of course, during the story, Bond is lured into the bad guy’s lair - before we know he’s the actual bad guy, of course. And his abode is far from humble. It’s more like a castle or a fortress with all sorts of bizarre thespian amenities.

The rest is predictable - no real surprises. I’m actually yawning as I write this. I’ll definitely pick up on the series again. It will just be awhile. I need a Bond break. At least from the books.

[Richard Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Originally posted on The Reel Bits for my column, 007 Case Files. Here's an extract from that.

It’s been a while since I’ve indulged my inner spy with a dash of 007. So, after a couple of heavy books in a row, I had a yen for the kind of story you could finish in a day. This is what John Gardner’s Bond was best at, crafting little potboilers that were just as much for fans of the films as they were continuations of Ian Fleming’s novels.

The whole thing builds up to attempt on a dignitary's life in the freshly opened Euro Disneyland (now known as Disneyland Paris). It’s all part of Gardner’s trademark of keeping up with the latest events and happenings around the world, but much of these reads like an infomercial for the park. Indeed, there’s a whole paragraph in which Bond sings the gushing praises of the park, before rattling off all the rides and attractions it has to offer.

“Funny, I went with a girlfriend and we only booked for two nights. I thought the whole thing would be tasteless, tawdry, and a bit phony. In the end we stayed for a week. The great thing about Disneyland is that it works. The moment they walk through those gates and find themselves in the Town Square and Main Street, the visitors know that they’re going to have one hell of a good time. The rides are a knockout, and it does become wonderful.”

So, Gardner’s Bond stories are clearly very commercial enterprises at this point, and it constantly surprises me that none of his books have overtly been adapted into films. Product placement notwithstanding, NEVER SEND FLOWERS completely sticks the landing and fulfils its promise of being a capable page-turner.

[Benjamin Mooney · Rating 1 out of 5]

By far the worst 007 novel I have ever read. I felt like it was Gardner's revenge on his previous critics. Oh, you don't like the gun I gave Bond, then he just won't carry one until the second to last chapter. Oh, you don't like the Q'ute character? I won't give Bond any fancy gadgets at all. Oh, you don't like that Bond was falling in love with another one of my characters, we'll I'll have him talk to M about marrying a new one. Oh, you don't like the deserts and icy mountains I've sent Bind to in the past because people don't want to go there? Well, then I'll throw him into Disneyland and make it oddly the one subject he'll be an expert on in this adventure.

Bond was complete out of character through the story. First, he makes a mental error and fails to properly secure vital evidence. Then, he fails to properly study his suspect, which results in numerous problems, culminating in an anticlimactic final battle. Also, Bond would not enjoy Disneyland. Not in Paris, not in Orlando, not in Anaheim, not in Tokyo, not anywhere, and would never take a lady there on a date for two nights, let alone a week. Ignoring his 6th sense about something being off about his suspect, and doing nothing about the changes he noticed in his suspect.

Bond appeared to be more a product of luck and happenstance than skill. Being as skilled a marksman as we was, missing a close range target and happening to hit his suspect's trap, setting it off early and disabling it. Being spotted and tracked by a killer who just so happened to decide not to follow the in traffic.

I can't believe they let him continue to write 007 adventures after this travesty.

[Stuart Dean · Rating 4 out of 5]

An MI-5 operative gets dead in Switzerland, and since they have no jurisdiction there, they call in MI-6 to investigate. James Bond meets up with a Swiss spy, my friend Flicka, and they track down the dead girl's last movements. She was killed with a poison pellet and is linked to a series of assassinations all over the world. They find she just broke up with a secret boyfriend and track him down to Frankenstein's castle on the Rhine. They meet the man, a famous retired actor named Dragonpol. He is odd. They meet up with him in Milan, more people get dead, and then Bond goes on vacation to EuroDisney. He goes swimming, and there are spolsions.

Much of the novel is a detective mystery, where Bond is trying to find clues about this actor guy and a dead serial killer and how they are connected, if at all. Bond meets Hercule Poirot and Richard III. It would be nice if for once Bond could just be sent on a mission without having to take a leave of absence or being assigned to a separate service, but he does have M's backing without it being official. The villain's master plan defies reason, for a reason, which makes it hard to fathom. There are sufficient Bond type activities, fights and shootings and sexy time and big breakfasts and treachery, to make this a reasonable addition to the mythos. A bit different from regular Bond stories by Gardner, clearly he is trying to mix it up a bit, but a decent read nonetheless.

[Tom Thomas Koshy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my third Gardner bond novel...Rating 7/10.Less favorite than Icebreaker and for special services. It's a page-turner and entertaining.But I expect a twist at the ending which didnt occur...So i disappointed slightly..I think the plot is fine and it can be much better if the author tries to avoid its drawbacks..Let's look at some major demerits and merits.

Demerits

Gardner describes the victim, laura march past who had a mad elder brother, but that chapter has no relevance in the original plot, and Bond got her letter to the brother which also does nothing with the original story...And there's a lot of confusion at the end also
There are so many questions left when the book ends and the reader must find their answers their own
007 visits someplace like Athens for timepass actually
The villain is not much competitive

Merits

It has a nice romance with bond girl Flicka, Love the swiss beauty
Underwater fight with the villain in Eurodisney
Dragonpol castle description is fine and The experience of bond and Flicka at Dragonpol's lair is amazing..Some thrilling moments also there...

Though the overall story creates a lot of confusion, It's a thriller novel but far from my taste.

[Gerald · Rating 1 out of 5]

Re-reading after many years. Surprised how bad it was. Yes, dated (makes me think that the latest films, those starring Daniel Craig have actually done the right thing by making him hng up on a single woman. I had thought it was un bondlike, but the essential character of Fleming's has very much remained, whereas Gardner in these last few books got it badly wrong. His Bond is a travesty and yet the books are also woefully sexist), but whats really surprising his how badly plotted this is, how much of it is devoted to meaningless subplot that goes nowhere and how scarcely believable any of it is. This is from the man who wrote the wonderful secret generations trilogy.

I'm now re-reading the successor, in which the man who was once bond has a live-in partner and the OO- section is no more. Let's just hope it makes sense.

[Irwin Fletcher · Rating 1 out of 5]

Of all the Bond books I've read (which is most of them) this one is probably the worst. The only thing that saves it from being a complete waste of time is the unintentionally hilarious third act in which Bond goes to Euro Disney. Clearly the Disney folks paid Gardner for some product placement and it basically takes over the book at that point. Surprisingly Bond not only loves Disney parks, he gives a testimonial about them and spends a day riding rides while ostensibly looking for ways that an assassin might strike but he's clearly enjoying himself. Sadly the entire book wasn't as stupidly entertaining, it was just stupid and full of plot holes and loose threads. Still I'd recommend it just for the bizarre visual of Bond getting his Haunted Mansion on... I'm hoping in a tuxedo.

[Donald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gardner is in fine form

I admit I wasn’t very fond of John Gardner’s initial Bond stories; they seemed fairly formulaic, and concluded themselves a little too quickly for my taste. However, each of his Bond tales was an improvement over the previous, much to my relief.

Never Send Flowers is an excellent adventure story, with plenty of action, blood, travel-snobbery…and beautiful women. The plot is decent, the travelogue portions well-drawn, and the dialogue nicely realistic.

Read it!

[Lefteris Xixis · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of the more frustrating reads of John Gardner's tenure as Bond writer. He had so many ups and downs in his Bond novels, and the infuriating thing is that this book was actually decent to surprisingly good until 2/3 in. And then, the bottom falls out. I can't spoil it for people, but when a completely additional character joins that late in the novel, the whole book collapses, along with its plot.

[Tony Drummond · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is probably the weakest of the Gardner Bond novels.

This has the feel of a short story that has been padded out to make it just about novel length. The first half has Bond acting as a homicide detective. The second half really deteriorates with an increasingly ridiculous plot where you just want the book to end. There are very few Bond moments and the action is very limited.

If you are not looking to read all the Bond continuation novels I'd give this one a miss.

[Henry Covey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just finished reading this and feel compelled to write a few words of warning for anyone contemplating picking this book up.

It is terrible. The female characters are predictably badly-drawn, the early promise of the intriguing assassinations lead absolutely nowhere and the conclusion is nothing but an advert for Euro Disney.
It really is like John Gardner had given up by this point.

Avoid!

[Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast read that expertly mixes ole school espionage with new school fantasy. One major gaff (Gardner has a character change into jeand, but a few pages later she is wearing a skirt), a bit heavy on the Disney love, and a tad bit more explanation of the villains motivation (Not to mention a bit more clarity/closure in regards to the Carmel character) would have made it a tad more tighter overall.

[Matt Kauffman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A worthwhile Bond read

This was my first Bond story by any of the authors who have been tapped to continue the 007 legacy. I quickly found myself imagining Sean Connery as the Bond portrayed in this story, and Bernard Lee as 'M'. That must be a good sign.

[Bob Wolniak · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unusual and offbeat, Bond here is more the detective with a female partner in a horror novel about bizarre serial killers. Doesn't resemble other Bond plots in Gardner's series The finale in Euro Disney fizzles. The villain isnt really introduced until midway through and resolution is weak.

[Stephen Wood · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dreadfully straightforward prose that moves briskly, but fails to make the most of its gonzo climax in which James Bond rhapsodises about Disneyland while an assassin plots to kill Princess Diana, William and Harry.

[Stan Stepak · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book but lacking

Book had a great story line and twist at the end. Unfortunately I expected more action that you would expect from a Bond adventure. More gadgets and surprises. Hope the next is a little more.

[Jeff Mayo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Without a doubt this is the worst Bond novel I've read so far. In Gardner's timeline Bond becomes more and more of a detective instead of an undercover spy. This one is drawn out, boring, introduces characters late in the novel, and is only fit for reading a little at a time, like on a lunch break.