What do you think?
Rate this book
How to Be Miserable
In How to Be Miserable, psychologist Randy Paterson outlines 40 specific behaviors and habits, which—if followed—are sure to lead to a lifetime of unhappiness. On the other hand, if you do the opposite, you may yet join the ranks of happy people everywhere!
There are stacks upon stacks of self-help books that will promise you love, happiness, and a fabulous life. But how can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that cause you to be miserable in the first place? Sometimes when we’re depressed, or just sad or unhappy, our instincts tell us to do the opposite of what we should—such as focusing on the negative, dwelling on what we can’t change, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, eating junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. Sound familiar?
This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you—and only you—are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You’ll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life—as well as ways to avoid them.
So, get ready to live the life you want (or not?) This fun, irreverent guide will light the way.
There are stacks upon stacks of self-help books that will promise you love, happiness, and a fabulous life. But how can you pinpoint the exact behaviors that cause you to be miserable in the first place? Sometimes when we’re depressed, or just sad or unhappy, our instincts tell us to do the opposite of what we should—such as focusing on the negative, dwelling on what we can’t change, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, eating junk food, or overindulging in alcohol. Sound familiar?
This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you—and only you—are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You’ll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life—as well as ways to avoid them.
So, get ready to live the life you want (or not?) This fun, irreverent guide will light the way.
Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2016
464 people are currently reading
5456 people want to read
About the author
Randy J. Paterson
11 books113 followersDr Randy Paterson (randypaterson.com) is a psychologist and author living in Vancouver Canada. He founded and operates Changeways Clinic, a multiple-provider psychotherapy practice focusing on cognitive behaviour therapy for stress, anxiety, and mood disorders. He is the author of five books (including The Assertiveness Workbook, now in its 2nd edition, a recipient of the ABCT Self-Help Seal of Merit, How to be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use, How to be Miserable in Your 20s, Private Practice Made Simple, and Your Depression Map) and numerous therapy guides and clinician resources. He has taught over 300 workshops on psychological issues, offering programs across Canada, as well as in Australia, New Zealand, and Hong Kong. His video blog, PsychologySalon, appears at https://www.youtube.com/c/PsychologyS.... In addition to his interests in psychology and therapy, Dr Paterson owns and operates an orchard in the interior of British Columbia.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 349 reviews
July 19, 2017
I got this book after watching CGP Grey's 7 Ways to Maximize Misery. I recommend both the video and the book - the video is based on seven of the 40 strategies given in the book.
This book is excellent. It puts things into perspective and doesn't try to give you false motivation (that in my experience just piles onto the downward spiral of "oh another thing I suck at" when you can't just do the one easy thing that will help you feel/do/be better...). It approaches happiness through showing what we can (and often already) do to make ourselves miserable. Humans have evolved to appreciate high-calorie foods, go for the easy, immediate win (watching TV instead of going to the gym) and be a part of the group, which is often exploited through fast food, social media, and easily available distractions. While you probably don't do all the things in this book, you might recognize a habit (or ten) that you didn't realize was keeping you down. The book also doesn't expect you to make a list of everything you're doing wrong and immediately try to fix every single thing at once without a mistake - after all, we're all human and the reason this book is so good is that you probably didn't consciously realize the habits that are helping to build unhappiness. Most of these strategies aren't surprising, but without the key steps of recognizing the problems, facing them, and planning to minimize them in the future, things aren't likely to get better.
One of the key takeaways that I had is that there is always a choice. The first step is recognizing that you're making a choice, even if the reason you're making that choice is because it's too difficult (cognitively, emotionally, physically, etc.) to make a better choice right now. For some, that might pile onto the downward spiral ("I am making a bad choice because I am intrinsically bad") but for me at least, being able to say "I am making a bad choice right now" is helpful because it trains you into realizing that constantly going back to Facebook or Netflix (or Taco Bell or that one friend or...) is in fact a choice, not a default, even if it feels like a default because it's the easy choice.
Not everyone is in need of a self-help book. This, however, is a book that I think just about everyone could benefit from.
This book is excellent. It puts things into perspective and doesn't try to give you false motivation (that in my experience just piles onto the downward spiral of "oh another thing I suck at" when you can't just do the one easy thing that will help you feel/do/be better...). It approaches happiness through showing what we can (and often already) do to make ourselves miserable. Humans have evolved to appreciate high-calorie foods, go for the easy, immediate win (watching TV instead of going to the gym) and be a part of the group, which is often exploited through fast food, social media, and easily available distractions. While you probably don't do all the things in this book, you might recognize a habit (or ten) that you didn't realize was keeping you down. The book also doesn't expect you to make a list of everything you're doing wrong and immediately try to fix every single thing at once without a mistake - after all, we're all human and the reason this book is so good is that you probably didn't consciously realize the habits that are helping to build unhappiness. Most of these strategies aren't surprising, but without the key steps of recognizing the problems, facing them, and planning to minimize them in the future, things aren't likely to get better.
One of the key takeaways that I had is that there is always a choice. The first step is recognizing that you're making a choice, even if the reason you're making that choice is because it's too difficult (cognitively, emotionally, physically, etc.) to make a better choice right now. For some, that might pile onto the downward spiral ("I am making a bad choice because I am intrinsically bad") but for me at least, being able to say "I am making a bad choice right now" is helpful because it trains you into realizing that constantly going back to Facebook or Netflix (or Taco Bell or that one friend or...) is in fact a choice, not a default, even if it feels like a default because it's the easy choice.
Not everyone is in need of a self-help book. This, however, is a book that I think just about everyone could benefit from.
May 8, 2016
This book is the most impactful "self-help" book I have ever read and after reading it I almost feel no need to touch another self-help book again. This book does something that no other self-help book I've read before has done. It empowered me to like myself just the way I am, not who I should be or want to be by reading this self-help book. the whole book is set up really well. It starts with the top things that if you do them (or don't do them) will make you the most miserable. It goes over four areas: Lifestyle changes, changes in thinking, relationship changes, and meaning in life. He uses sarcasm and a little bit of humor to detail how exactly you can make yourself the absolute most miserable. I like this approach because it got me thinking more deeply in my head, "okay, if this is how to be miserable, how do I be happy and what of these do I already do." Come to realize I already do a lot of things that promote a miserable life. You have to read the whole book to get the intense impact of it. I went through a series of stages through the book of how to be perfectly happy, then how that in of itself was a problem and then how do I accept myself how I am. The most impactful line for me was this: "If I were already good enough, what would I do them. If that is, you didn't have to make up for your inadequacy, what would you do with your life? Having become fully capable, what would you use that capacity for? Where would you make your contributions?"
January 9, 2020
Clever. Before you try to feel better, let's look closely at the strategies you currently use to improve your happiness. Ah, interesting. Yep, you seem to be quite the expert on misery. You know what they say...If you want to get what you've always got, then do what you've always done....
November 12, 2018
Like every other nonfiction book, this one has about 60 pages of content, and the rest is padding.
I gave it two stars for the introduction, where the author went to his patients suffering from major depression and said to them, "If I offered you ten million dollars in exchange, what would you do to make your condition worse?" It's an interesting thought experiment.
The actual chapters, though, are all inverted versions of the same old advice we're all familiar with. To be miserable, don't exercise; eat everything that's advertised to you; don't sleep; spend all your time watching television ...
I gave it two stars for the introduction, where the author went to his patients suffering from major depression and said to them, "If I offered you ten million dollars in exchange, what would you do to make your condition worse?" It's an interesting thought experiment.
The actual chapters, though, are all inverted versions of the same old advice we're all familiar with. To be miserable, don't exercise; eat everything that's advertised to you; don't sleep; spend all your time watching television ...
April 16, 2022
3.5 stars.
This is gonna be more of a summary rather than a review.
There are many books that promote certain life changes in order to improve one's mood and life. While it's easy to recognize the efficacy of certain behaviors on us, like exercising for example. What this books is doing differently is highlighting 40 strategies, many of them go off the radar, that can be inducing misery in our lives. The author divide the 40 strategies into 4 groups:
First, Miserable Lifestyle:
1. Avoid exercise. Move as least as possible.
2. Eat whatever you want. Ignore the nutrients your bodies really needs. Indulge in sugary, processed food.
3. Ignore your body's need for rest and sleep. Don't sleep and wake up at fixed times. If you want to read more about sleep, check out this book Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
4. Depend on alcohol and drugs to keep going.
5. Increase your screen time.
6. Buy whatever you want.
7. Get it on debt if you can't afford it.
8. Work gets top priority in your life. Everything else gets pushed away.
9. Be well informed of nearly all the news and the events taking place everywhere (Facilitated by the different platforms)
10. Set VAPID goals. Vague, amorphous, Pie in the sky, irrelevant, delayed goals. Instead of SMART goals, Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic and time-defined goals.
Second, thinking patterns:
11. Dwell on what happened in the past. Keep thinking of all the things you regret doing, all the shortcomings, all the embarrassments. Don't believe that being a human will inevitably means making mistakes is a part of life and that you'll always be making mistakes.
12. Blame inward, credit outward. Which means whenever something bad happen, always blame yourself for it and whenever something good happens, undermine your achievement. Don't give yourself the credit for the good things you do. Say to yourself that you got lucky or what you did was easy in the first place. Never strive for balance when thinking about different events and their attributions (Internal vs. External, Global vs. Specific, Stable vs. Unstable).
13. Think of bad things that happened in your day before you go to bed.
14. Think of how many ways your future can go wrong. Create different scenarios, the grimmer, the more miserable.
15. Value hope over action. Live in the fantasy that your mind created instead of taking actionable steps. Ignore the fact that the only thing you have influence over is the present.
16. Become a toxic optimist. Dismiss any view that might undermine the optimistic rosy vision you have which can contain truth.
17. Filter for the negative.
18. Cultivate your presence elsewhere. Don't live in the here and now, focus on the other things you're missing out because of the choice you made at this moment. The books you won't be able to read, the places you won't be able to visit. The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
19. Insist on perfection.
20. Work endlessly on your self-esteem. While I agree on the fact that the conept of self-esteem has a hype around it, I don't think dismissing the concept in its entirety is beneficial. Having an objective view of one's self, recognizing your good and bad qualities can be certainly of help. Check out this book if you want to get a different perspective on the concept of self-esteem Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
Third, Social life:
21. Isolate yourself. Interact with fellow human beings as least as possible.
22. If you choose to go out and interact with people, adopt their opinions and views and ignore yours.
23. Constantly compare yourself with others.
24. Always be competitive.
25. Hold high expectations of people in your life
26. Don't set boundaries. Check out this book if you want to learn more about being assertive and setting boundaries, check out this book by the same author The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
27. Bond with people's potential, not their reality. Get into relationships with them, get them hooked then demand them to change to fit the picture you have for them in your mind.
28. Demand loyalty from people. Assume that people should seek you out due to a feeling of obligation rather than anticipating a pleasant exchange. Expect them to share your views and opinions.
29. React to people's motives, not their messages. Instead of sticking with the words communicated, which in themselves maybe be distorted because of how difficulty communication can be, start analyzing every word and sound. Speculate about the real motives behind the utterance of a certain word. Create a distorted story in your mind.
30. Cultivate and treasure toxic relationships. Insulters, bigots, underminers, complainers, and narcissists.
Fourth, Living a life without meaning:
31. Focus on the small picture. Avoid having a destination in your mind you want to reach.
32. Let your impulses drive you. Give in to temptations. Neglect cultivating a mindful awareness.
33. Only care about you and only you. Don't give money, time, energy to anything other yourself. Don't practice compassion.
34. Duty first, life after (similar to Strategy no. 8)
35. Live the unlived lives of others. Fullfil the the unfullfilled hopes and dreams of other people in your life.
36. Stay in your comfort zone. Favour short-term happiness over long-term contentment.
37. Avoid solitude and reflection.
38. Choose style over fashion, or in another words, choose the readily available cultural constructs of how to lead your life instead of creating your own.
39. Pursue happiness relentlessly. Push away any negative feelings. Neglect the fact that emotions are cues your body are giving you about a certain situation.
40. Always work on improving yourself. Make that the most important goal. Read only self-help books (I feel like he checked my to-read list XD). Postpone living and enjoying your life till you feel good enough in nearly every aspect of your life, a somehow impossible goal to reach.
Overall, I think it's an insightful book. But it lacks the practical methods needed to change certain behaviours, for example, thinking patterns are often on autopilot. Changing them would require more guidance. Also, the social life part, it's all about cultivating certain skills: being assertive, setting boundaries, good communication. But it did a great job at highlighting the misery-inducing behaviours.
This is gonna be more of a summary rather than a review.
There are many books that promote certain life changes in order to improve one's mood and life. While it's easy to recognize the efficacy of certain behaviors on us, like exercising for example. What this books is doing differently is highlighting 40 strategies, many of them go off the radar, that can be inducing misery in our lives. The author divide the 40 strategies into 4 groups:
First, Miserable Lifestyle:
1. Avoid exercise. Move as least as possible.
2. Eat whatever you want. Ignore the nutrients your bodies really needs. Indulge in sugary, processed food.
3. Ignore your body's need for rest and sleep. Don't sleep and wake up at fixed times. If you want to read more about sleep, check out this book Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
4. Depend on alcohol and drugs to keep going.
5. Increase your screen time.
6. Buy whatever you want.
7. Get it on debt if you can't afford it.
8. Work gets top priority in your life. Everything else gets pushed away.
9. Be well informed of nearly all the news and the events taking place everywhere (Facilitated by the different platforms)
10. Set VAPID goals. Vague, amorphous, Pie in the sky, irrelevant, delayed goals. Instead of SMART goals, Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic and time-defined goals.
Second, thinking patterns:
11. Dwell on what happened in the past. Keep thinking of all the things you regret doing, all the shortcomings, all the embarrassments. Don't believe that being a human will inevitably means making mistakes is a part of life and that you'll always be making mistakes.
12. Blame inward, credit outward. Which means whenever something bad happen, always blame yourself for it and whenever something good happens, undermine your achievement. Don't give yourself the credit for the good things you do. Say to yourself that you got lucky or what you did was easy in the first place. Never strive for balance when thinking about different events and their attributions (Internal vs. External, Global vs. Specific, Stable vs. Unstable).
13. Think of bad things that happened in your day before you go to bed.
14. Think of how many ways your future can go wrong. Create different scenarios, the grimmer, the more miserable.
15. Value hope over action. Live in the fantasy that your mind created instead of taking actionable steps. Ignore the fact that the only thing you have influence over is the present.
16. Become a toxic optimist. Dismiss any view that might undermine the optimistic rosy vision you have which can contain truth.
17. Filter for the negative.
18. Cultivate your presence elsewhere. Don't live in the here and now, focus on the other things you're missing out because of the choice you made at this moment. The books you won't be able to read, the places you won't be able to visit. The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
19. Insist on perfection.
20. Work endlessly on your self-esteem. While I agree on the fact that the conept of self-esteem has a hype around it, I don't think dismissing the concept in its entirety is beneficial. Having an objective view of one's self, recognizing your good and bad qualities can be certainly of help. Check out this book if you want to get a different perspective on the concept of self-esteem Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
Third, Social life:
21. Isolate yourself. Interact with fellow human beings as least as possible.
22. If you choose to go out and interact with people, adopt their opinions and views and ignore yours.
23. Constantly compare yourself with others.
24. Always be competitive.
25. Hold high expectations of people in your life
26. Don't set boundaries. Check out this book if you want to learn more about being assertive and setting boundaries, check out this book by the same author The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
27. Bond with people's potential, not their reality. Get into relationships with them, get them hooked then demand them to change to fit the picture you have for them in your mind.
28. Demand loyalty from people. Assume that people should seek you out due to a feeling of obligation rather than anticipating a pleasant exchange. Expect them to share your views and opinions.
29. React to people's motives, not their messages. Instead of sticking with the words communicated, which in themselves maybe be distorted because of how difficulty communication can be, start analyzing every word and sound. Speculate about the real motives behind the utterance of a certain word. Create a distorted story in your mind.
30. Cultivate and treasure toxic relationships. Insulters, bigots, underminers, complainers, and narcissists.
Fourth, Living a life without meaning:
31. Focus on the small picture. Avoid having a destination in your mind you want to reach.
32. Let your impulses drive you. Give in to temptations. Neglect cultivating a mindful awareness.
33. Only care about you and only you. Don't give money, time, energy to anything other yourself. Don't practice compassion.
34. Duty first, life after (similar to Strategy no. 8)
35. Live the unlived lives of others. Fullfil the the unfullfilled hopes and dreams of other people in your life.
36. Stay in your comfort zone. Favour short-term happiness over long-term contentment.
37. Avoid solitude and reflection.
38. Choose style over fashion, or in another words, choose the readily available cultural constructs of how to lead your life instead of creating your own.
Fashion, in Crisp’s view, is the art of denying one’s individuality in order to adopt the uniforms and dictates of culture, as determined by people who have never met you, and do not care whether you exist. The implicit goal is to cover your imperfections and become something you are not: a person who is acceptable in the eyes of others. A pleasing shell with no discernible interior. In Crisp’s words, Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are. Style, on the other hand, is the art of bringing your defining individual features to the fore, regardless of what others might expect or find acceptable
39. Pursue happiness relentlessly. Push away any negative feelings. Neglect the fact that emotions are cues your body are giving you about a certain situation.
40. Always work on improving yourself. Make that the most important goal. Read only self-help books (I feel like he checked my to-read list XD). Postpone living and enjoying your life till you feel good enough in nearly every aspect of your life, a somehow impossible goal to reach.
Overall, I think it's an insightful book. But it lacks the practical methods needed to change certain behaviours, for example, thinking patterns are often on autopilot. Changing them would require more guidance. Also, the social life part, it's all about cultivating certain skills: being assertive, setting boundaries, good communication. But it did a great job at highlighting the misery-inducing behaviours.
March 6, 2018
I really like the premise of this book. Figuring out how to be happy is hard, but identifying things that make us miserable is easy. There were many strategies in this book that seemed to me to be obvious routes to misery, and made me wonder how anyone might employ them, however, these moments of confusion were always quickly followed by things that I definitely do frequently. The constant referral to research that supports these strategies was interesting as well.
September 28, 2016
Forty chapters of typical self-help content masquerading as ways you are already making yourself miserable. So the trick is to try to do the opposite of everything that the book recommends to you.
April 9, 2020
2017.06.23–2017.06.24
This book was a quick listen featuring most of the ways people could (and do) worsen their situation/mindset. Some of them were shown in CGP Grey’s 7-minute YouTube video 7 Ways to Maximize Misery :(. This is a good checklist to see where you are already acting wisely and what habits you’d best focus on reversing.
Contents
Paterson RJ (2016) (05:00) How to Be Miserable - 40 Strategies You Already Use
Introduction: The Dreams of Another Age
• The Ten-Million-Dollar Question
• Column A and Column B
• What’s the Problem?
• Let’s All Embrace the Dark Side
• Four Points, Forty Lessons
• A Note to the Uncommitted
Part I: Adopting a Miserable Lifestyle
01. Avoid All Exercise
02. Eat What You’re Told
03. Don’t Waste Your Life in Bed
04. Live Better Through Chemistry
05. Maximize Your Screen Time
06. If You Want It, Buy It
07. Can’t Afford It? Get It Anyway!
08. Give 100 Percent to Your Work
09. Be Well Informed
10. Set Vapid Goals
Part II: How to Think Like an Unhappy Person
11. Rehearse the Regrettable Past
12. Blame Inward, Give Credit Outward
13. Practice the “Three Bad Things” Exercise
14. Construct Future Hells
15. Value Hope Over Action
16. Become a Toxic Optimist
17. Filter for the Negative
18. Cultivate Your Presence—Elsewhere
19. Insist on Perfection
20. Work Endlessly on Your Self-Esteem
Part III: Hell Is Other People
21. Become an Island Unto Yourself
22. Give Them What They Want
23. Measure Up and Measure Down
24. Play to Win
25. Hold High Expectations of Others
26. Drop Your Boundaries
27. Bond with People’s Potential, Not Their Reality
28. Demand Loyalty
29. React to Their Motives, Not Their Messages
30. Cultivate and Treasure Toxic Relationships
Part IV: Living a Life Without Meaning
31. Keep Your Eye on the Small Picture
32. Let Your Impulses Be Your Guide
33. Look Out for Number One
34. Duty First, Life Later
35. Live the Unlived Lives of Others
36. Stay in Your Zone of Comfort
37. Avoid Solitude
38. Choose Fashion Over Style
39. Pursue Happiness Relentlessly
40. Improve Yourself
Conclusion: Ending the Misery Project: Life on the Top Floor
• The Causes of Misery
• And Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Remove Your Masks
• Short Term, Long Term
• Pain-based Impulses
• An Unreliable Crystal Ball
• A Culture with an Agenda
• Some Advice, At Last
Acknowledgments
Notes
References and Additional Reading
This book was a quick listen featuring most of the ways people could (and do) worsen their situation/mindset. Some of them were shown in CGP Grey’s 7-minute YouTube video 7 Ways to Maximize Misery :(. This is a good checklist to see where you are already acting wisely and what habits you’d best focus on reversing.
Contents
Paterson RJ (2016) (05:00) How to Be Miserable - 40 Strategies You Already Use
Introduction: The Dreams of Another Age
• The Ten-Million-Dollar Question
• Column A and Column B
• What’s the Problem?
• Let’s All Embrace the Dark Side
• Four Points, Forty Lessons
• A Note to the Uncommitted
Part I: Adopting a Miserable Lifestyle
01. Avoid All Exercise
02. Eat What You’re Told
03. Don’t Waste Your Life in Bed
04. Live Better Through Chemistry
05. Maximize Your Screen Time
06. If You Want It, Buy It
07. Can’t Afford It? Get It Anyway!
08. Give 100 Percent to Your Work
09. Be Well Informed
10. Set Vapid Goals
Part II: How to Think Like an Unhappy Person
11. Rehearse the Regrettable Past
12. Blame Inward, Give Credit Outward
13. Practice the “Three Bad Things” Exercise
14. Construct Future Hells
15. Value Hope Over Action
16. Become a Toxic Optimist
17. Filter for the Negative
18. Cultivate Your Presence—Elsewhere
19. Insist on Perfection
20. Work Endlessly on Your Self-Esteem
Part III: Hell Is Other People
21. Become an Island Unto Yourself
22. Give Them What They Want
23. Measure Up and Measure Down
24. Play to Win
25. Hold High Expectations of Others
26. Drop Your Boundaries
27. Bond with People’s Potential, Not Their Reality
28. Demand Loyalty
29. React to Their Motives, Not Their Messages
30. Cultivate and Treasure Toxic Relationships
Part IV: Living a Life Without Meaning
31. Keep Your Eye on the Small Picture
32. Let Your Impulses Be Your Guide
33. Look Out for Number One
34. Duty First, Life Later
35. Live the Unlived Lives of Others
36. Stay in Your Zone of Comfort
37. Avoid Solitude
38. Choose Fashion Over Style
39. Pursue Happiness Relentlessly
40. Improve Yourself
Conclusion: Ending the Misery Project: Life on the Top Floor
• The Causes of Misery
• And Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Remove Your Masks
• Short Term, Long Term
• Pain-based Impulses
• An Unreliable Crystal Ball
• A Culture with an Agenda
• Some Advice, At Last
Acknowledgments
Notes
References and Additional Reading
July 28, 2023
This is probably the only self-help book in the world where you're not supposed to follow the advice the author is giving you (unless you really want to be miserable for some persevere reason). The trick is that you have to do the opposite of whatever you're being told, and I really loved that. It made me realise that I'm actually doing a lot of things that make me miserable without noticing it. And although some of the advice is just common sense I still loved it because the path to happiness does not necessarily need to be complex.
July 18, 2016
Tongue-in-check reverse psychology lists all the usual advice for life improvement in reverse, describing the opposite of advice in order to use humor to help with embracing the idea of changing unhealthy habits.
April 9, 2020
This book helped me when I would wake up in the middle of the night, in cold sweat, with absolute disconnect between the world and my mind. As I threw up day after day in sheer anxiety and fear of all the things happening in my life. It helped me as I proceeded to cope with numbing and distraction and procrastinating which would keep me like a hamster running over a wheel of guilt and even more guilt.
Did this book eliminate my bad days? No. But it sure how told me where I was going wrong and bringing in more misery.
I absolutely hate self help books as they never seem to work. That I upon reading them, agree with all of the notions they bring forth but in practice, am none the wiser.
All the self help books were either stating the things I KNOW I SHOULD DO but gave me not feasible ways to do it.
Sometimes they didn't even mention what I "should do", they repeatedly stated the fact that I already know I will do. So why do you think I was wasting my money buying thisinstead they next up and coming crime thriller or fantasy book that would very well help me dissociate with my problems?
Another problem I faced were some brilliant books were too strict. And I could apply those "what to do" techniques in my day to day life. But then would come a problem where the "what to do" way wasn't an option anyway and that led to me discarding it all.
It was I was carrying a set of keys with me all the time and mostly they'd fit each door and I'd get my way and then when they wouldn't I'd have to keep aside those bunch of keys and look for a new set of keys that will fix that specific problem. With time, those keys accumulated, gaining weight and space in my mind and making more of a burden.
The thing with this one is that, I don't have a set of keys, I have map where some roads are crossed out because they lead to..... you guessed it... more misery.
So I when someone told me which paths NOT to take, navigating the whole life thing became so much more easier. I guess some people work better with what-not-to-dos.
And I guess I'm one of those lost boys.
Did this book eliminate my bad days? No. But it sure how told me where I was going wrong and bringing in more misery.
I absolutely hate self help books as they never seem to work. That I upon reading them, agree with all of the notions they bring forth but in practice, am none the wiser.
All the self help books were either stating the things I KNOW I SHOULD DO but gave me not feasible ways to do it.
Sometimes they didn't even mention what I "should do", they repeatedly stated the fact that I already know I will do. So why do you think I was wasting my money buying thisinstead they next up and coming crime thriller or fantasy book that would very well help me dissociate with my problems?
Another problem I faced were some brilliant books were too strict. And I could apply those "what to do" techniques in my day to day life. But then would come a problem where the "what to do" way wasn't an option anyway and that led to me discarding it all.
It was I was carrying a set of keys with me all the time and mostly they'd fit each door and I'd get my way and then when they wouldn't I'd have to keep aside those bunch of keys and look for a new set of keys that will fix that specific problem. With time, those keys accumulated, gaining weight and space in my mind and making more of a burden.
The thing with this one is that, I don't have a set of keys, I have map where some roads are crossed out because they lead to..... you guessed it... more misery.
So I when someone told me which paths NOT to take, navigating the whole life thing became so much more easier. I guess some people work better with what-not-to-dos.
And I guess I'm one of those lost boys.
August 7, 2018
الكتاب رائع ومكتوب باسلوب مرح وممتلئ بالامثله مكتوب من قبل دكتور نفسي مختص بتقلبات الحاله المزاجية ويعطيك بشكل عملي اسباب التعاسه الاساسيه
١-عدم ممارسه الرياضه والخمول
٢-الانجذاب الى اكل الاعلانات والمعلبات والاكل المصنع
٣-عدم النوم الكافي
٤-تناول الكحول والمخدرات مما يؤدي لقول اشياء مسيئه تدمر العلاقات والاكثار من القهوة والشاي يزيد من العصبيه
٥-الجلوس لفتره ساعتين مثلا يوميا على شاشات التلفاز او الانترنت والتابلت والجوال
٦-تخيل السعاده بشراء منتج معين وبعد شراءه لا تدوم السعاده به طويلا
٧- اغراق نفسك في ديون لا داعي لها بسبب شراء امور غير ضرورية وعدم الادخار
٨-تسخير كل وقتك وحياتك للعمل
٩-الاطلاع على كل الاخبار السياسية والفنيه والاجتماعيه واخبار الشبكات الاجتماعية وتضييع الوقت بها
١٠-وضع اهداف غبيه والهدف الغبي يقصد به الغامض الذي لا اطار زمني له الغير واقعي الغير قابل للقياس وهو هنا يؤكد على فكره اساسيه اننا في تحديد الاهداف نضع الناتج النهائي مثل تعلم اللغة الاسبانية مثلا يجب ايضا تحديد الاهدافلاالمباشره مثال تعلم خمس كلمات جديده كل يوم
١١- التفكير في الماضي المؤسف
١٢-توجيه اللوم باستمرار لنفسك ونسبة الفضل لغيرك
١٣-التفكير قبل النوم في اسوء احداث اليوم والاحداث السيئه عموما
١٤-تخيل مستقبل جحيمي والاستمرار في القلق بشأنه
وهناك رأي بالكتاب واقغي تماما يقول المؤلف (كلما كانت حياتك افضل يمكنك ان تجعل نفسك اكثر تعاسه من خلال التفكير في فقدان كل شيئ)
١٥-ابن امال خياليه دون عمل حقيقي(كتاب السر خير دليل)
١٦-كن متفائل سام(يقصد تفائل عالي غير واقعي يؤدي مثلا لفشل مشاريع تجاريه كان يجب ان تبنى على دراسات وليس مجرد امال)
١٧-شغل فلم في عقلك حول الاشياء السلبيه سجادتي قبيحه زميلي مزعج سأبدوا كالاحمق في الاجتماع
١٧ -اذا كان لديك خيارين في حياتك وسلكت مثلا الخيار الاول فكر دوما في أسف لماذا لم تسلك الطريق الثاني وتخيل السعاده التي حرمت منها بسبب عدم سلوك الطريق الاخر انشر التعاسه وعبر عن عدم رضاك لشخص بالقرب منك (لو لم أكن بهذا الغباء لما تزوجتك)
١٨-اسع للكمال في كل شيئ مظهرك وظيفتك سيارتك ابنائك حيواناتك فناء منزلك لا تقبل بحد الرضى ابحث عن اعلى شيئ لكل جانب من حياتك هذا السعي سيمدك بكم وافر من التعاسه وسيمنعك من تجربة اشياء جديده لمعرفتك انك لن تتفوق من اول مره اقض الوقت في ازاله عيوب طفيفه لا يراها احد
١٩-اعمل بلا نهاية على تقديرك لذاتك يرى المؤلف ان العمل على ه١الاالهدف يعني انك لا تقدر ١اتك بينما التقدير شيئ نولد بهولا يجب عليك السعي له لأن السعي له سيوجد ضده
٢٠-ابن جزيره لنفسك وقلل علاقتك مع الاخرين واجعلها عبر الانترنت فقط
٢١-امنح الاخرين كل ما يريدون وضع أولوياتهم فوق أولوياتك الذوبان في المجتمع والاخرين ونسيان ارائك ومعتقداتك
٢٢- قارن نفسك بالأعلى والأدنى منك
٢٣-اسع للفوز بالمركز الأول دوما واعتبر المركز الثاني فشل ذريع كن تنافسي مع كل الاشخاص وستخسرهم سريعا
٢٥-توقع الكثير من الاخرين وضع قيود صارمه على من ستدخلهم في حيز علاقاتك
٢٦- الغ حدودك مع الاخرين نفذ كل ما يريدون مما سيغرس فيهم التوقع بأنك يتلبي كل مطالبهم مما يؤدي لزياده توقعاتهم بمرور الوقت
٢٧ -العسي لتغيير الاخرين ممثلا في الخطوات التاليه ابن صداقه مع شخص او علاقه عاطفيه اخدعه ليصدق انك منجذب ليهيئته الحاليه بمجرد ان يتعلق بك أخرج أدواتك وابدأ في تغييره بالطبع هذا لن يحدث في النهايه سيزداد استيائك وستصرخ لقد فعلت كل ذلك ظنا مني انك ستتغير
٢٨-اطلب من الاخرين دوما الاهتمام المستمر والزياره والحديث المستمر غالبا ما يتبع الوالدين هذه الطريقه مع الابناء
٢٩-سوء الظن والتخمينات في التعامل والتصرف وفقا لهذه التخمينات الخاطئه
٣٠-نم علاقات سامه مع مخربين ونرجسيين و مثبطين
٣١عش حياة بلا أهداف أو معنى
٣٢-اترك أولوياتك واستمر في الاستلقاء فكر في المثال التالي لنقل انه يتوجب عليك الذهاب للرياضه غالبا لن تكون منجذبا لذلك وبينما انت في صاله الالعاب الرياضيه قد لا تشعر بشيئ ولكن بعد الانتهاء ستشعر بالسعاده اغلبنا يقرر الاستسلام للشعور الاول مقابل سعاده قصيره ويمنع نفسه من سعاده فعليه طويله تزهر بعد تحقيق الهدف
٣٣-محاوله تكديس اكبر قدر من الخيرات الملل والشهره اسع لتكون أول شخص يحصل على اي شيئ ابخل بالتبرع للمحتاجين ولا تتعاطف مع أحد
٣٤-استمر بالركض لتحقيق واجباتك دون ان تحيا استمر بالعمل والمذاكره دون أن تروح عن نفسك او تستمع بنزهه او تقضي وقتا مع أحبابك
٣٥-عش حياة الاخرين ادخل المجال الدراسي الذي يطلب منك والوظيفه التي يتمنوها هم
٣٦-ابق في منطقه الراحه ولا تجرب اشياء جديده .ان منطقه الراحه تتضاءل بالجلوس فيها وتتسع بالخروج منها فكلما جربت طعاما رحله فندق لعبه جديده اتسعت منطقه راحتك
٣٧-تجنب الوحده تماما وانغمس في عشرات العلاقات واملأ جدولك بمقابلات وزيارات لا نهائيه
٣٨-اختر الموضه وانس نمطك وذوقك الخاص.
الموضه هي ما تتبعه عندما لا تعرف كينونتك اغلب عواطفنا ينشأ من تقييمنا للأحداث وليس الأحداث نفسها
٣٩-ياللعجب ملاحقة السعادة بلا هواده فتحصل على التعاسة.
ملاحقه السعاده مثل مطاره السناجب لن تلحق ابدا بطريدك لكي تقترب من سنجاب ينبغي ان ترتب نفسك بحيث يأتي اليك السنجاب لكي تزيد من قدر السعاده ينبغي عليك ترتيب ذهنك او حياتك حتى تظهر السعاده كنتيجه طبيعيه
٤٠-ابدأ في المهمه الشاقه بمحو عيوبك استمر بشراء كتب المساعده الذاتيه المخصصه لذلك (اختلف مع الكاتب هذه النقطه)
مقوله واقعيه اعجبتني
عندما تشعر بالحزن سوف تقودك أغلبية الإغراءات التي تقابلها إلى ماهو ادنى(مزيد من الحزن)
١-عدم ممارسه الرياضه والخمول
٢-الانجذاب الى اكل الاعلانات والمعلبات والاكل المصنع
٣-عدم النوم الكافي
٤-تناول الكحول والمخدرات مما يؤدي لقول اشياء مسيئه تدمر العلاقات والاكثار من القهوة والشاي يزيد من العصبيه
٥-الجلوس لفتره ساعتين مثلا يوميا على شاشات التلفاز او الانترنت والتابلت والجوال
٦-تخيل السعاده بشراء منتج معين وبعد شراءه لا تدوم السعاده به طويلا
٧- اغراق نفسك في ديون لا داعي لها بسبب شراء امور غير ضرورية وعدم الادخار
٨-تسخير كل وقتك وحياتك للعمل
٩-الاطلاع على كل الاخبار السياسية والفنيه والاجتماعيه واخبار الشبكات الاجتماعية وتضييع الوقت بها
١٠-وضع اهداف غبيه والهدف الغبي يقصد به الغامض الذي لا اطار زمني له الغير واقعي الغير قابل للقياس وهو هنا يؤكد على فكره اساسيه اننا في تحديد الاهداف نضع الناتج النهائي مثل تعلم اللغة الاسبانية مثلا يجب ايضا تحديد الاهدافلاالمباشره مثال تعلم خمس كلمات جديده كل يوم
١١- التفكير في الماضي المؤسف
١٢-توجيه اللوم باستمرار لنفسك ونسبة الفضل لغيرك
١٣-التفكير قبل النوم في اسوء احداث اليوم والاحداث السيئه عموما
١٤-تخيل مستقبل جحيمي والاستمرار في القلق بشأنه
وهناك رأي بالكتاب واقغي تماما يقول المؤلف (كلما كانت حياتك افضل يمكنك ان تجعل نفسك اكثر تعاسه من خلال التفكير في فقدان كل شيئ)
١٥-ابن امال خياليه دون عمل حقيقي(كتاب السر خير دليل)
١٦-كن متفائل سام(يقصد تفائل عالي غير واقعي يؤدي مثلا لفشل مشاريع تجاريه كان يجب ان تبنى على دراسات وليس مجرد امال)
١٧-شغل فلم في عقلك حول الاشياء السلبيه سجادتي قبيحه زميلي مزعج سأبدوا كالاحمق في الاجتماع
١٧ -اذا كان لديك خيارين في حياتك وسلكت مثلا الخيار الاول فكر دوما في أسف لماذا لم تسلك الطريق الثاني وتخيل السعاده التي حرمت منها بسبب عدم سلوك الطريق الاخر انشر التعاسه وعبر عن عدم رضاك لشخص بالقرب منك (لو لم أكن بهذا الغباء لما تزوجتك)
١٨-اسع للكمال في كل شيئ مظهرك وظيفتك سيارتك ابنائك حيواناتك فناء منزلك لا تقبل بحد الرضى ابحث عن اعلى شيئ لكل جانب من حياتك هذا السعي سيمدك بكم وافر من التعاسه وسيمنعك من تجربة اشياء جديده لمعرفتك انك لن تتفوق من اول مره اقض الوقت في ازاله عيوب طفيفه لا يراها احد
١٩-اعمل بلا نهاية على تقديرك لذاتك يرى المؤلف ان العمل على ه١الاالهدف يعني انك لا تقدر ١اتك بينما التقدير شيئ نولد بهولا يجب عليك السعي له لأن السعي له سيوجد ضده
٢٠-ابن جزيره لنفسك وقلل علاقتك مع الاخرين واجعلها عبر الانترنت فقط
٢١-امنح الاخرين كل ما يريدون وضع أولوياتهم فوق أولوياتك الذوبان في المجتمع والاخرين ونسيان ارائك ومعتقداتك
٢٢- قارن نفسك بالأعلى والأدنى منك
٢٣-اسع للفوز بالمركز الأول دوما واعتبر المركز الثاني فشل ذريع كن تنافسي مع كل الاشخاص وستخسرهم سريعا
٢٥-توقع الكثير من الاخرين وضع قيود صارمه على من ستدخلهم في حيز علاقاتك
٢٦- الغ حدودك مع الاخرين نفذ كل ما يريدون مما سيغرس فيهم التوقع بأنك يتلبي كل مطالبهم مما يؤدي لزياده توقعاتهم بمرور الوقت
٢٧ -العسي لتغيير الاخرين ممثلا في الخطوات التاليه ابن صداقه مع شخص او علاقه عاطفيه اخدعه ليصدق انك منجذب ليهيئته الحاليه بمجرد ان يتعلق بك أخرج أدواتك وابدأ في تغييره بالطبع هذا لن يحدث في النهايه سيزداد استيائك وستصرخ لقد فعلت كل ذلك ظنا مني انك ستتغير
٢٨-اطلب من الاخرين دوما الاهتمام المستمر والزياره والحديث المستمر غالبا ما يتبع الوالدين هذه الطريقه مع الابناء
٢٩-سوء الظن والتخمينات في التعامل والتصرف وفقا لهذه التخمينات الخاطئه
٣٠-نم علاقات سامه مع مخربين ونرجسيين و مثبطين
٣١عش حياة بلا أهداف أو معنى
٣٢-اترك أولوياتك واستمر في الاستلقاء فكر في المثال التالي لنقل انه يتوجب عليك الذهاب للرياضه غالبا لن تكون منجذبا لذلك وبينما انت في صاله الالعاب الرياضيه قد لا تشعر بشيئ ولكن بعد الانتهاء ستشعر بالسعاده اغلبنا يقرر الاستسلام للشعور الاول مقابل سعاده قصيره ويمنع نفسه من سعاده فعليه طويله تزهر بعد تحقيق الهدف
٣٣-محاوله تكديس اكبر قدر من الخيرات الملل والشهره اسع لتكون أول شخص يحصل على اي شيئ ابخل بالتبرع للمحتاجين ولا تتعاطف مع أحد
٣٤-استمر بالركض لتحقيق واجباتك دون ان تحيا استمر بالعمل والمذاكره دون أن تروح عن نفسك او تستمع بنزهه او تقضي وقتا مع أحبابك
٣٥-عش حياة الاخرين ادخل المجال الدراسي الذي يطلب منك والوظيفه التي يتمنوها هم
٣٦-ابق في منطقه الراحه ولا تجرب اشياء جديده .ان منطقه الراحه تتضاءل بالجلوس فيها وتتسع بالخروج منها فكلما جربت طعاما رحله فندق لعبه جديده اتسعت منطقه راحتك
٣٧-تجنب الوحده تماما وانغمس في عشرات العلاقات واملأ جدولك بمقابلات وزيارات لا نهائيه
٣٨-اختر الموضه وانس نمطك وذوقك الخاص.
الموضه هي ما تتبعه عندما لا تعرف كينونتك اغلب عواطفنا ينشأ من تقييمنا للأحداث وليس الأحداث نفسها
٣٩-ياللعجب ملاحقة السعادة بلا هواده فتحصل على التعاسة.
ملاحقه السعاده مثل مطاره السناجب لن تلحق ابدا بطريدك لكي تقترب من سنجاب ينبغي ان ترتب نفسك بحيث يأتي اليك السنجاب لكي تزيد من قدر السعاده ينبغي عليك ترتيب ذهنك او حياتك حتى تظهر السعاده كنتيجه طبيعيه
٤٠-ابدأ في المهمه الشاقه بمحو عيوبك استمر بشراء كتب المساعده الذاتيه المخصصه لذلك (اختلف مع الكاتب هذه النقطه)
مقوله واقعيه اعجبتني
عندما تشعر بالحزن سوف تقودك أغلبية الإغراءات التي تقابلها إلى ماهو ادنى(مزيد من الحزن)
July 16, 2017
Hey you, perusing this Goodreads. “Imagine that you could earn $10 million for just half an hour’s work—let’s say tomorrow morning between 11:00 and 11:30. All you would have to do is make yourself feel worse than you do now. Worse, in fact, than you’ve felt in the past week. How would you do it?”
Thought about it? Now, when you wake up in the morning and already feel miserable, what do you feel like doing?
Many of the same things. “What feels right when you're miserable is what feeds the misery, not what feeds you.” Paterson’s central conceit liberated me. Yes, I really, really don’t feel like doing X, but that’s misery talking, so the impulses make sense.
The book surveys, in gut-splitting fashion, the various ways we all add to our misery. By explaining these ways my primitive brain screws up—and attaching catchy names to them—I’ve learned to recognize them as they’re happening and hit the brakes (à la Thinking, Fast and Slow).
This book 100% worked for my brain. I don’t think I ever need to pick up a self-help book on ‘happiness’ again—indeed, as Paterson points us, that’s one of the perverse recipes for misery! Instead of self-improvement, Paterson asks to consider,
Dare I say it, How to Be Miserable was life-changing.
Recommended by CGP Grey via his video 7 Ways to Maximize Misery by CGP Grey.
Thought about it? Now, when you wake up in the morning and already feel miserable, what do you feel like doing?
Many of the same things. “What feels right when you're miserable is what feeds the misery, not what feeds you.” Paterson’s central conceit liberated me. Yes, I really, really don’t feel like doing X, but that’s misery talking, so the impulses make sense.
The book surveys, in gut-splitting fashion, the various ways we all add to our misery. By explaining these ways my primitive brain screws up—and attaching catchy names to them—I’ve learned to recognize them as they’re happening and hit the brakes (à la Thinking, Fast and Slow).
This book 100% worked for my brain. I don’t think I ever need to pick up a self-help book on ‘happiness’ again—indeed, as Paterson points us, that’s one of the perverse recipes for misery! Instead of self-improvement, Paterson asks to consider,
If I were already good enough, what would I do them. If that is, you didn't have to make up for your inadequacy, what would you do with your life? Having become fully capable, what would you use that capacity for? Where would you make your contributions?"
Dare I say it, How to Be Miserable was life-changing.
Recommended by CGP Grey via his video 7 Ways to Maximize Misery by CGP Grey.
July 11, 2017
I'm one of the people who are mostly miserable. In fact, when I'm happy, I already worry about later, when this good time ends. It might be part of my culture, we are not known for the happy go lucky atitude. ( I doubt you woukd be either with the horrible long dark winters we have). I suspect that I was just born this way. My mom is quite an optimist, so is my dad. Brother is a always the most outgoing and effusive. I just feel too much, worry too much, think too much. I hate smug ppl, the kind you met at yoga( another thing I dislike strongly) that tell you how not to worry. They can never understand, they are built differently. This book helps you to be less troubled, less worried, less anxious. I stopped reading news, a well known tactic, but it truly helps! Althourh the world is full of kind ppl, from collegues at work to friends who would happily fill you in on the latest gore facts from all over the world.
Some of the strategies are new to me, like tge staff on self esteem. Although I suspected that society as a whole suffer from individuals with too high self esteem. There are especially represented in abundance on the top of politics, business and consultants.
Some of the strategies are new to me, like tge staff on self esteem. Although I suspected that society as a whole suffer from individuals with too high self esteem. There are especially represented in abundance on the top of politics, business and consultants.
October 27, 2019
This is one of the best self-help books I’ve came across, partly because it doesn’t feel like the author is preaching. In fact, you need to do the opposite of what he’s saying, which works like a charm for my stubborn mind. After reading it as an e-book, I’ll be ordering a hard copy just so I can lend it.
April 4, 2017
Nice and short book for the road. No huge revelations there but a few tips on behaviors that are guaranteed to lead to misery.
February 13, 2021
According to the author, "How To Be Miserable" (hereby shortened to HTBM) is not really a book aimed at truly depressed people. Instead, it's aimed far more at the general populace. After reading it, I agree that pretty much everybody should read this book. It should be translated in as many languages as possible and be read by as many people as possible, young and old. But while I read it, the following thought never escaped my mind:
"This book is made for people who are engulfed in flame."
And by that I don't mean people who are doing so splendidly in life that they feel awesome (being "on fire"). I mean it in the sense of people who are being torn apart, their very mind being consumed by something they can't immediately explain. Something gnaws, a tiny voice in their brain tells them that something is off, that things used to be more fun, and everything should be fine. This last thought makes them feel even more miserable because society has indirectly disallowed people to feel sad or asking life questions in any way. For example: they may have a house, a job, a boy- or girlfriend, lots of material possessions and much more, yet they feel miserable. The best among us don't sit there and let it happen like a robot: they search for the cause, but most are grasping at straws, and the lack of a clear voice of wisdom in their lives doesn't help. No voice, no hand on your shoulder, no closure. In real life, HQ isn't sending reinforcements. HTBM serves as a voice.
The book can give plain good advice / wisdom from a common sense-perspective, stuff that would come from the mouth of a man who has traveled a lot in his life. The book can be quite funny and it made me laugh really, really hard at points. You laugh because you find yourself in the pages of the book so much that it might as well star you as the main character. By laughing you are already allowing yourself to laugh at your own imperfection. Sometimes it goes deeper into subjects such as human communication, how the brain works when you don't get what you want, and you may or may not agree with the advice given in these chapters - some tips depend on the situation and can be impossible to put into practice in reality. I guess that's the Achilles' Heel of every self help book? Lastly, but most importantly, it gives you some straight-up brutal facts of life - and for people like me, these chapters can hit like a train.
I should preface that before I read this book I was really fed up and frustrated with the "self-help" genre in any form. The name of the genre alone, and the works it spawns irk me tremendously: tens of thousands of blogs, lists, books, YouTube videos tell you what you've been missing all along!!!
(while not reducing global unhappiness by one bit)
Something that I notice constantly when delving into this subject is that the one thing the creators of these are absolutely amazing at is talking with the delusion that they are some kind of authority on the human mind. The lists themselves are usually titled in the vein of "10 things you absolutely must do every day to be happy!", "5 ways you can tell he is totally into you!" or the worst of these: “Why everything is going to be okay!”. Seriously, my eye has developed an involuntary twitch from seeing that "why"-word at the start of each title. This often meaningless content is filled with vague instructions on the exact things you must do or see or feel to achieve what you want (usually happiness or contentment), and the advice never stops smelling faintly like bullshit. “Be mindful.” would be one of the bulletpoints on most of these articles, and goes on to explain that to be mindful “you have to live in the present” which to me is like calmly telling a burning man to stop, drop and roll. Can I have the rest of the manual, jackass? You constantly have the feeling that the tips are very contextual, and that you are reading a novel with 70% of the pages missing. This is one of the pitfalls HTBM often avoids. While, yes, some chapters (out of the 40) have advice that sounds strangely trite, I cannot deny that the majority of them are paramount for creating your foundation to happiness.
Perhaps the people that make these little lists on the internet mean well but the subject of (un)happiness is not a trivial matter, and they forget that they are writing something that people actively search for. I'm going to go out on a limb here and claim that nobody seriously googles advice on life when they are actively happy, and when they read the wrong advice they WILL feel even worse afterward. A meaningless piece of text is made, some asshole has gotten a writing exercise / assignment out of the way and any person who doesn't have much life experience or who's driven in a corner in a point in their life is screwed even harder by their stupidity. If you don't know how to do something well, don't do it in the first place. The "just do it"-generation we live in can be very toxic if it's forced.
I first came into contact with this book from CGP Grey's adaption of it. It's a great video, and it serves as a very good demo of what to expect in the book itself. The video doesn't literally give seven tips ripped straight from the book... rather, it takes the witty mentality and snippets of lessons of the book, trims out as much fat as possible while keeping the runtime short. The video draws more attention on what you could do right now to change, while the book goes far more into detail on other, more complex stuff and why we feel the impulse to do things that contribute to our unhappiness. MANY of these were very eye-opening for me, to the point where I want to encourage people to purchase the book to discover these themselves. It is amazing how much we sabotage ourselves due to the way we think and fantasize. Expect many moments where you read the title of the chapter and say: "Oh boy, here we go." to yourself. I did a rough counting of how many of the pitfalls applied to myself, and I must admit that I have my work cut out: at least 28 out of 40 ways to unhappiness apply to me. I'm not going to or strive to remove ALL of them, but I am going to reread this book immediately after this review and many times over and make an honest attempt to catalog and eliminate the worst of these.
"How to be miserable" is not a magic trick. Magic does not exist. The author doesn't go: "Poof!" and makes your problems go away. However, in my personal experience I know that my spirits were lifted after every reading session, simply due to funny way the book was written, the wisdom included in it, and the knowledge that I wasn't alone in my thinking, and that pretty much everything of what makes me lackadaisical is already well catalogued by smart individuals (at least one individual), meaning that it is understood. It never punishes you for reading it - by which I mean, you never feel as awful as you were before when you put it down to have a break or when you're going to sleep. The message is always hopeful, always progressive, always clear. It doesn't see your current status as an end point, or even a stumbling block. It fully admits that life is messy and that tragedy is unavoidable. From the moment we first open our eyes in this world we are treated to an onslaught of constant bullshit, told to behave like Person A, a moment later being chastised for not acting like Person B, being frowned upon for not acting like the herd you should obviously follow. The realization that this is the case comes many decades later for most people. For people like myself this dawned on me uncomfortably quickly, and it left me yearning for answers for over half a decade, but there are ways to fight it and evolve ourselves. You are not stupid. Low mood, negative thinking, even depression: it's all so very human. It's perhaps the only proof of our humanity.
Suggestions:
I would absolutely love it if the author created another book (as a follow-up) that further expanded on the concepts introduced in HTBM. Perhaps the author could include interviews from his patients, so that they could have a direct hand in creating the book, and, perhaps, their stories could directly or indirectly teach us more on the pitfalls of unhappiness and how to counter negative thinking.
I would also appreciate an alternative version of the audiobook with the voice of the author himself, as his voice seems far more pleasant to listen to.
Randy, if you're reading this: I am one of the lost boys.
"This book is made for people who are engulfed in flame."
And by that I don't mean people who are doing so splendidly in life that they feel awesome (being "on fire"). I mean it in the sense of people who are being torn apart, their very mind being consumed by something they can't immediately explain. Something gnaws, a tiny voice in their brain tells them that something is off, that things used to be more fun, and everything should be fine. This last thought makes them feel even more miserable because society has indirectly disallowed people to feel sad or asking life questions in any way. For example: they may have a house, a job, a boy- or girlfriend, lots of material possessions and much more, yet they feel miserable. The best among us don't sit there and let it happen like a robot: they search for the cause, but most are grasping at straws, and the lack of a clear voice of wisdom in their lives doesn't help. No voice, no hand on your shoulder, no closure. In real life, HQ isn't sending reinforcements. HTBM serves as a voice.
The book can give plain good advice / wisdom from a common sense-perspective, stuff that would come from the mouth of a man who has traveled a lot in his life. The book can be quite funny and it made me laugh really, really hard at points. You laugh because you find yourself in the pages of the book so much that it might as well star you as the main character. By laughing you are already allowing yourself to laugh at your own imperfection. Sometimes it goes deeper into subjects such as human communication, how the brain works when you don't get what you want, and you may or may not agree with the advice given in these chapters - some tips depend on the situation and can be impossible to put into practice in reality. I guess that's the Achilles' Heel of every self help book? Lastly, but most importantly, it gives you some straight-up brutal facts of life - and for people like me, these chapters can hit like a train.
I should preface that before I read this book I was really fed up and frustrated with the "self-help" genre in any form. The name of the genre alone, and the works it spawns irk me tremendously: tens of thousands of blogs, lists, books, YouTube videos tell you what you've been missing all along!!!
(while not reducing global unhappiness by one bit)
Something that I notice constantly when delving into this subject is that the one thing the creators of these are absolutely amazing at is talking with the delusion that they are some kind of authority on the human mind. The lists themselves are usually titled in the vein of "10 things you absolutely must do every day to be happy!", "5 ways you can tell he is totally into you!" or the worst of these: “Why everything is going to be okay!”. Seriously, my eye has developed an involuntary twitch from seeing that "why"-word at the start of each title. This often meaningless content is filled with vague instructions on the exact things you must do or see or feel to achieve what you want (usually happiness or contentment), and the advice never stops smelling faintly like bullshit. “Be mindful.” would be one of the bulletpoints on most of these articles, and goes on to explain that to be mindful “you have to live in the present” which to me is like calmly telling a burning man to stop, drop and roll. Can I have the rest of the manual, jackass? You constantly have the feeling that the tips are very contextual, and that you are reading a novel with 70% of the pages missing. This is one of the pitfalls HTBM often avoids. While, yes, some chapters (out of the 40) have advice that sounds strangely trite, I cannot deny that the majority of them are paramount for creating your foundation to happiness.
Perhaps the people that make these little lists on the internet mean well but the subject of (un)happiness is not a trivial matter, and they forget that they are writing something that people actively search for. I'm going to go out on a limb here and claim that nobody seriously googles advice on life when they are actively happy, and when they read the wrong advice they WILL feel even worse afterward. A meaningless piece of text is made, some asshole has gotten a writing exercise / assignment out of the way and any person who doesn't have much life experience or who's driven in a corner in a point in their life is screwed even harder by their stupidity. If you don't know how to do something well, don't do it in the first place. The "just do it"-generation we live in can be very toxic if it's forced.
I first came into contact with this book from CGP Grey's adaption of it. It's a great video, and it serves as a very good demo of what to expect in the book itself. The video doesn't literally give seven tips ripped straight from the book... rather, it takes the witty mentality and snippets of lessons of the book, trims out as much fat as possible while keeping the runtime short. The video draws more attention on what you could do right now to change, while the book goes far more into detail on other, more complex stuff and why we feel the impulse to do things that contribute to our unhappiness. MANY of these were very eye-opening for me, to the point where I want to encourage people to purchase the book to discover these themselves. It is amazing how much we sabotage ourselves due to the way we think and fantasize. Expect many moments where you read the title of the chapter and say: "Oh boy, here we go." to yourself. I did a rough counting of how many of the pitfalls applied to myself, and I must admit that I have my work cut out: at least 28 out of 40 ways to unhappiness apply to me. I'm not going to or strive to remove ALL of them, but I am going to reread this book immediately after this review and many times over and make an honest attempt to catalog and eliminate the worst of these.
"How to be miserable" is not a magic trick. Magic does not exist. The author doesn't go: "Poof!" and makes your problems go away. However, in my personal experience I know that my spirits were lifted after every reading session, simply due to funny way the book was written, the wisdom included in it, and the knowledge that I wasn't alone in my thinking, and that pretty much everything of what makes me lackadaisical is already well catalogued by smart individuals (at least one individual), meaning that it is understood. It never punishes you for reading it - by which I mean, you never feel as awful as you were before when you put it down to have a break or when you're going to sleep. The message is always hopeful, always progressive, always clear. It doesn't see your current status as an end point, or even a stumbling block. It fully admits that life is messy and that tragedy is unavoidable. From the moment we first open our eyes in this world we are treated to an onslaught of constant bullshit, told to behave like Person A, a moment later being chastised for not acting like Person B, being frowned upon for not acting like the herd you should obviously follow. The realization that this is the case comes many decades later for most people. For people like myself this dawned on me uncomfortably quickly, and it left me yearning for answers for over half a decade, but there are ways to fight it and evolve ourselves. You are not stupid. Low mood, negative thinking, even depression: it's all so very human. It's perhaps the only proof of our humanity.
Suggestions:
I would absolutely love it if the author created another book (as a follow-up) that further expanded on the concepts introduced in HTBM. Perhaps the author could include interviews from his patients, so that they could have a direct hand in creating the book, and, perhaps, their stories could directly or indirectly teach us more on the pitfalls of unhappiness and how to counter negative thinking.
I would also appreciate an alternative version of the audiobook with the voice of the author himself, as his voice seems far more pleasant to listen to.
Randy, if you're reading this: I am one of the lost boys.
January 16, 2021
بؤس العالم المتحضر
.
.
يتم نشر المئات من كتب المساعدة الذاتية كل عام. كل واحد ، بشكل مباشر أو غير مباشر ، له نفس الغرض: كيف يجعلك سعيدًا. كيف تصبح ثريًا حتى تكون سعيدًا. كيف تكون نحيفاً حتى تكون سعيداً. كيف تتغلب على الاكتئاب حتى تكون سعيداً. كيف تجد علاقة حتى تكون سعيداً .
هناك مفارقة في هذه الأرفف الواسعة المؤلمة. تشير حقيقة وجود الكثير من هذه الكتب إلى أن الهدف بعيد المنال للغاية - وأن السعادة ليست سهلة.
استحضر في ذهنك صورة رجل الكهف.
من وجهة نظرك ، ربما يبدو غبيًا إلى حد ما. لكنه نحن. جنسنا البشري ، Homo sapiens ، كان موجودًا في نفس الشكل تقريبًا لأكثر من مائة ألف عام. وسواء كان غبيًا أم لا ، فإن رجل الكهف لديه أحلام : إنه يتوق إلى عالم يتوفر فيه الطعام جيد المذاق بسهولة ويكون الجوع فيه أمرًا مستبعدًا. يريد التحرر من الحيوانات المفترسة التي تسرق من حين لآخر أحد أفراد القبيلة. يريد أن يتوقف أطفاله عن الموت بسبب أمراض لا يفهمها. عندما يكون هو نفسه مريضًا ، يتمنى أن يساعده شخص ما على التعافي.
ثم يهز رأسه ، ويستهجن نفسه لإضاعة الوقت ، ويعود إلى عمل البقاء. من العبث أن يتمنى عالماً لا يمكن أن يوجد.
لكنه وُجِد حقاً !!
في العالم المتقدم ، نعيش حياة فاخرة لا مثيل لها في تاريخ الأنواع. يوجد طعام في الثلاجة ، وهناك سقف فوق رؤوسنا ، وهناك ماء ساخن في الصنبور ، وهناك هواء ساخن في أفراننا ، وكل منتج يمكننا التفكير فيه ، هو في متناول اليد. لدينا عمر أطول من أي وقت مضى. نحن بصحة أفضل لفترة أطول. لا يحاول الجيران قتلنا في أغلب الأحيان. معدل وفيات الأطفال منخفض وعمرهم طويل.
إنه عالم كان رجل الكهف وملوكنا منذ وقت ليس ببعيد سيقتلون من أجله بكل سرور (وعالم يحلم به مواطنو اليوم من العديد من الدول الأقل امتيازًا).
إذا تمكنا من العودة بالزمن إلى الوراء وإحضار أسلافنا إلى العالم الحالي ، فإن عيونهم ستتسع في دهشة. إذا عرضنا عليهم سياراتنا وطائراتنا ومستشفياتنا ومحلات البقالة والغرف التي يتم التحكم فيها بالمناخ حيث نجلس على كراسي مريحة للقيام "بعملنا".
كانوا سيحدقون بنا بإدراك مفاجئ ويقولون : "هل أنا ميت؟ هذا هو العالم الموعود في الآخرة ، الذي تحدث عنه كهنتنا ، حيث تقضي أيامك في راحة ونعيم. هل يمكنني البقاء؟ "
ثم تقول لهم أن هناك آفة في هذه الجنة. معظم الناس لا يشعرون بالفرح. يقضي الكثير من وقتهم في حالة من عدم الرضى. يتم إدخال البعض إلى المستشفيات بسبب البؤس. يتم إعطاء الملايين من الأدوية لرفع حالتهم المزاجية إلى مستوى مقبول. يخرج الناشرون بمئات الكتب حول كيفية العثور على السعادة التي فشلت في توفيرها أفران الميكروويف والمجتمعات المستقرة . تعلن شركات الحافلات عن وجهات بعيدة يمكن لسكان هذا العالم الهروب إليها.
هرب!!؟ لا يمكن لرجل الكهف أن يفكر في شيء أروع من أن يُسجن هنا. إنه لا يستطيع أن يفهم . لماذا ؟؟
لقد حدث خطأ ما.
.
Randy J. Paterson
How To Be Miserable
Translated By #Maher_Razouk
.
.
يتم نشر المئات من كتب المساعدة الذاتية كل عام. كل واحد ، بشكل مباشر أو غير مباشر ، له نفس الغرض: كيف يجعلك سعيدًا. كيف تصبح ثريًا حتى تكون سعيدًا. كيف تكون نحيفاً حتى تكون سعيداً. كيف تتغلب على الاكتئاب حتى تكون سعيداً. كيف تجد علاقة حتى تكون سعيداً .
هناك مفارقة في هذه الأرفف الواسعة المؤلمة. تشير حقيقة وجود الكثير من هذه الكتب إلى أن الهدف بعيد المنال للغاية - وأن السعادة ليست سهلة.
استحضر في ذهنك صورة رجل الكهف.
من وجهة نظرك ، ربما يبدو غبيًا إلى حد ما. لكنه نحن. جنسنا البشري ، Homo sapiens ، كان موجودًا في نفس الشكل تقريبًا لأكثر من مائة ألف عام. وسواء كان غبيًا أم لا ، فإن رجل الكهف لديه أحلام : إنه يتوق إلى عالم يتوفر فيه الطعام جيد المذاق بسهولة ويكون الجوع فيه أمرًا مستبعدًا. يريد التحرر من الحيوانات المفترسة التي تسرق من حين لآخر أحد أفراد القبيلة. يريد أن يتوقف أطفاله عن الموت بسبب أمراض لا يفهمها. عندما يكون هو نفسه مريضًا ، يتمنى أن يساعده شخص ما على التعافي.
ثم يهز رأسه ، ويستهجن نفسه لإضاعة الوقت ، ويعود إلى عمل البقاء. من العبث أن يتمنى عالماً لا يمكن أن يوجد.
لكنه وُجِد حقاً !!
في العالم المتقدم ، نعيش حياة فاخرة لا مثيل لها في تاريخ الأنواع. يوجد طعام في الثلاجة ، وهناك سقف فوق رؤوسنا ، وهناك ماء ساخن في الصنبور ، وهناك هواء ساخن في أفراننا ، وكل منتج يمكننا التفكير فيه ، هو في متناول اليد. لدينا عمر أطول من أي وقت مضى. نحن بصحة أفضل لفترة أطول. لا يحاول الجيران قتلنا في أغلب الأحيان. معدل وفيات الأطفال منخفض وعمرهم طويل.
إنه عالم كان رجل الكهف وملوكنا منذ وقت ليس ببعيد سيقتلون من أجله بكل سرور (وعالم يحلم به مواطنو اليوم من العديد من الدول الأقل امتيازًا).
إذا تمكنا من العودة بالزمن إلى الوراء وإحضار أسلافنا إلى العالم الحالي ، فإن عيونهم ستتسع في دهشة. إذا عرضنا عليهم سياراتنا وطائراتنا ومستشفياتنا ومحلات البقالة والغرف التي يتم التحكم فيها بالمناخ حيث نجلس على كراسي مريحة للقيام "بعملنا".
كانوا سيحدقون بنا بإدراك مفاجئ ويقولون : "هل أنا ميت؟ هذا هو العالم الموعود في الآخرة ، الذي تحدث عنه كهنتنا ، حيث تقضي أيامك في راحة ونعيم. هل يمكنني البقاء؟ "
ثم تقول لهم أن هناك آفة في هذه الجنة. معظم الناس لا يشعرون بالفرح. يقضي الكثير من وقتهم في حالة من عدم الرضى. يتم إدخال البعض إلى المستشفيات بسبب البؤس. يتم إعطاء الملايين من الأدوية لرفع حالتهم المزاجية إلى مستوى مقبول. يخرج الناشرون بمئات الكتب حول كيفية العثور على السعادة التي فشلت في توفيرها أفران الميكروويف والمجتمعات المستقرة . تعلن شركات الحافلات عن وجهات بعيدة يمكن لسكان هذا العالم الهروب إليها.
هرب!!؟ لا يمكن لرجل الكهف أن يفكر في شيء أروع من أن يُسجن هنا. إنه لا يستطيع أن يفهم . لماذا ؟؟
لقد حدث خطأ ما.
.
Randy J. Paterson
How To Be Miserable
Translated By #Maher_Razouk
December 27, 2020
There are a lot of books that tell us how to be happy and what we should do to be happy but this book takes a different approach, it show us all the things that make us miserable and how we can avoid them. It tell us to look for all the various ways we make our self sad, to accept that we are doing them and have to fix them. We do not have to fix everything at once, we just need to start with small steps and continue in the right direction.
June 19, 2017
Cheeky and flip, but full of wisdom. It keeps coming back to me.
January 3, 2019
Great book to find your personal flaws and start working on them!
January 21, 2020
Ja nu kādam vajadzīgs atgādinājums par (it kā) pašsaprotamām lietām, tad šis varētu būt īstais spēriens pa pakaļu.
June 25, 2019
Maybe it's because I had heard such good things about the book (I mean, CGP Grey did a video based on it!) and it got too hyped up... but I was really underwhelmed by this, to be honest. I realize I'm not necessarily the target audience; at the start Paterson does say that this book is not intended for people who actually suffer from mental illnesses like depression, and it's more for the general reading public. However, unless someone has literally never put any thought into their habits and activities, or mood, and has never read any of the endless advice articles and exposés about the negative effects of the structure of modern society on people, they're likely to find a lot of this book to be old hat. If you're a human living in the twenty-tens and don't realize that a sedentary lifestyle spending all your time in front of a screen and not keeping good sleep hygiene is bad for you and will make you feel bad... what happy little bubble world are you living in?
If you've ever embarked on any kind of self-improvement or habit changing regime, or taken a course of therapy or counselling, you'll probably have familiarity with a lot of what is talked about here. If you're unlucky enough to be someone who has been through or currently experiences any kind of mental illness, that probably goes double, if you've sought treatment for it. Sure, some information is possibly presented in a new way that could be more effective for you, or it could serve as a good reminder (and it's not very long, so it would lend itself to re-reading). But on the whole I didn't learn anything life changing from this book, or much in the way of novel strategies, or even all that much new information. It was fine. I was still hoping for a lot more, given the rave reviews I'd heard.
The tone is also, in some places, reminiscent of that well-meaning person who suggests that you try taking up yoga/running/meditation/veganism because it will make you less depressed. Luckily this isn't the entire book, and quite a bit of the sarcasm and funny spin on a "self-help" book basically being turned on its head is at least enjoyable. I definitely do NOT recommend the audiobook, either, especially if you are someone who has dealt with depression. While I do appreciate that the author reads it with quite a bit of charisma and tries to keep it entertaining by varying the voices he uses to represent different characters, it does get a bit offensive when he reads many of the depressed people's opinions or thoughts throughout the text. The way he caricatures the attitudes of people dealing with serious mental illness is rather flip, not to mention the fact that that kind of humour has been done to death already. I personally didn't find it funny or valuable as an addition to the text. If you're going to read this, get one of the print editions and go through it yourself, instead.
TL;DR - If you're a neurotypical person who is in a bit of a slump or looking for ways to change your habits for the better and improve your overall life satisfaction, this might be a worthwhile read. If you've ever spent any time doing therapy or are generally well-informed about this kind of thing, it's probably not going to give you all that much new.
If you've ever embarked on any kind of self-improvement or habit changing regime, or taken a course of therapy or counselling, you'll probably have familiarity with a lot of what is talked about here. If you're unlucky enough to be someone who has been through or currently experiences any kind of mental illness, that probably goes double, if you've sought treatment for it. Sure, some information is possibly presented in a new way that could be more effective for you, or it could serve as a good reminder (and it's not very long, so it would lend itself to re-reading). But on the whole I didn't learn anything life changing from this book, or much in the way of novel strategies, or even all that much new information. It was fine. I was still hoping for a lot more, given the rave reviews I'd heard.
The tone is also, in some places, reminiscent of that well-meaning person who suggests that you try taking up yoga/running/meditation/veganism because it will make you less depressed. Luckily this isn't the entire book, and quite a bit of the sarcasm and funny spin on a "self-help" book basically being turned on its head is at least enjoyable. I definitely do NOT recommend the audiobook, either, especially if you are someone who has dealt with depression. While I do appreciate that the author reads it with quite a bit of charisma and tries to keep it entertaining by varying the voices he uses to represent different characters, it does get a bit offensive when he reads many of the depressed people's opinions or thoughts throughout the text. The way he caricatures the attitudes of people dealing with serious mental illness is rather flip, not to mention the fact that that kind of humour has been done to death already. I personally didn't find it funny or valuable as an addition to the text. If you're going to read this, get one of the print editions and go through it yourself, instead.
TL;DR - If you're a neurotypical person who is in a bit of a slump or looking for ways to change your habits for the better and improve your overall life satisfaction, this might be a worthwhile read. If you've ever spent any time doing therapy or are generally well-informed about this kind of thing, it's probably not going to give you all that much new.
Read
February 6, 2019For a long time I’ve been practicing being depressed and miserable as a hobby. A side thing. I never thought I could professionally despair. But this book showed me all the things I’ve been doing wrong that might lead me astray and towards contentment and happiness. Thankfully I have seen all the little things I was doing wrong. With this book, you too can become professionally miserable. You won’t make any money of course, being miserable is its own reward.
As the name suggests How to be Miserable helps outline the various scientifically proven methods to make yourself the saddest sad sack that ever did sad sack. It’s a worthy goal, and one that requires patience, due diligence and more than a mild amount of will towards self destruction. It’s outlines in four different, and delightfully named, sections: Adopting a Miserable Lifestyle, How to Think Like an Unhappy Person, Hell is Other People and (my personal favorite) Living a Life Without Meaning.
Each of these sections are broken down into ten helpful tips and tricks for leading you to the dark deep end of the the emotional spectrum and keeping you there. I got this book on CGP Grey’s recommendation. I like the guy, but sometimes he likes interminably dull reads. He probably thinks that the more unreadable something is, the more densely packed the information must be. For what it’s worth though this book is an easy read, never devolving into jargon or buzz words to hide meaning from what the author is saying. The tongue is firmly planted in the cheek here, and the parody is both fun and hammers in the point.
I’ve read my fair share of self-help/business books in the past. Most end up being a rather dull affair... Worse, I tend to forget about them not long after I put them down. They rarely stick in my head for too long. Perhaps its the tone, or perhaps its the fact that I identify a bit too much with some of the lessons, but this book kept me coming back each and every time.
So if you’ve been just practicing been miserable and want to know how to up your game, this is the book for you. Go read it.
March 20, 2021
After reading various books about how the brain thinks and feels from Daniel Kahneman, Martin Seligman, etc. I found this book to be a great motivator to be more self-aware of how my own actions might be leading away from happiness. I find perverse delight in doing the opposite of what this book tells me to, even when I know the directives are tongue-in-cheek.
There is a synergy about reading the opposite phrasing of what my doctor tells me to do that helps the messages stay in my mind more. Paterson has a light easy style as he explains just enough of how each strategy works and how it is supported by research, and often breaks down how to apply it for you. The jolt of hearing something described that is something that I already do, makes a bigger impression than hearing about something that I ought to do.
I read slowly over weeks and contemplated the strategies that apply to me. This is a good book to pick up and thumb through various of the short chapters any time
There is a synergy about reading the opposite phrasing of what my doctor tells me to do that helps the messages stay in my mind more. Paterson has a light easy style as he explains just enough of how each strategy works and how it is supported by research, and often breaks down how to apply it for you. The jolt of hearing something described that is something that I already do, makes a bigger impression than hearing about something that I ought to do.
I read slowly over weeks and contemplated the strategies that apply to me. This is a good book to pick up and thumb through various of the short chapters any time
June 24, 2019
If someone offered you 10 million dollars to be more miserable tomorrow than you are now, what would you do tonight? Overeat junk food to make yourself sick? Get little sleep to feel tired and unwell?
It may not sound like a useful exercise at first but make a list of things that you would do and you may be surprised to find something that you do already, regardless of the payout.
Continuing in this spirit, the book gives you advice on how to maximize your misery and ironically points out what you should avoid to keep being miserable.
Don't exercise, move as little as possible, think that everyone hates you. The cheeky suggestions do get old about halfway through the book but overall I liked the premise of switching the self help genre upside down.
The book is fun and short so it's an easy listen in audiobook form.
Regardless of whether or not this book sounds like something you might enjoy, I recommend watching this video that summarizes the main points of this book:
https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o
and a footnote to the video https://youtu.be/8qGCAE1jte8
It may not sound like a useful exercise at first but make a list of things that you would do and you may be surprised to find something that you do already, regardless of the payout.
Continuing in this spirit, the book gives you advice on how to maximize your misery and ironically points out what you should avoid to keep being miserable.
Don't exercise, move as little as possible, think that everyone hates you. The cheeky suggestions do get old about halfway through the book but overall I liked the premise of switching the self help genre upside down.
The book is fun and short so it's an easy listen in audiobook form.
Regardless of whether or not this book sounds like something you might enjoy, I recommend watching this video that summarizes the main points of this book:
https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o
and a footnote to the video https://youtu.be/8qGCAE1jte8
June 6, 2016
I received this books via GOODREADS giveaway. Thank you very much.
Hilarious and insightful book that uses irony to get the point across about the behaviours that makes us miserable in our quest for happiness. It is a book about what a lot of us are already doing that makes us miserable. It has even some strategies I didn’t know about and will definitely try not to try…. Very tempting though, just in case. You never know.
The tone of the book and the many examples of behaviour described make the science presented here palatable. The chapters are brief and the author uses catchy phrases to help us remember the notions explained.
Very well written book that helps us be aware of our thoughts, behaviours, expectations (both our own and ‘inherited’) and everything else we are doing wrong on our way to self-acceptance.
Hilarious and insightful book that uses irony to get the point across about the behaviours that makes us miserable in our quest for happiness. It is a book about what a lot of us are already doing that makes us miserable. It has even some strategies I didn’t know about and will definitely try not to try…. Very tempting though, just in case. You never know.
The tone of the book and the many examples of behaviour described make the science presented here palatable. The chapters are brief and the author uses catchy phrases to help us remember the notions explained.
Very well written book that helps us be aware of our thoughts, behaviours, expectations (both our own and ‘inherited’) and everything else we are doing wrong on our way to self-acceptance.
December 12, 2017
Perhaps the only self-help book, if this is even really a self-help book, that most people should ever read.
The book is written in a fun style to listen to. It's short, well narrated and entertaining. The content is dense and packs several seemingly obvious advice and a few not very intuitive ones. Inevitably some of those will hit home, either because we identify ourselves or people close to us. The book ending was a little bit out of the mood, and unexpectedly within the usual motivational speech, but the overall tone of the reverse psychology was fun until the very end.
There are a few sparks of science that add a little bit of credibility and the author does give a few convincing arguments of his own. Definitely going to keep this around for re-reading (or at least glancing over topics) again.
The book is written in a fun style to listen to. It's short, well narrated and entertaining. The content is dense and packs several seemingly obvious advice and a few not very intuitive ones. Inevitably some of those will hit home, either because we identify ourselves or people close to us. The book ending was a little bit out of the mood, and unexpectedly within the usual motivational speech, but the overall tone of the reverse psychology was fun until the very end.
There are a few sparks of science that add a little bit of credibility and the author does give a few convincing arguments of his own. Definitely going to keep this around for re-reading (or at least glancing over topics) again.
July 18, 2020
Think of a very successful, admirable, productive person that you know and look up to. It could be someone that you know personally or a historical figure. Now give that person your sleeping habits, your diet, your smartphone use, overconsumption of mindless entertainment, exercise routine, thought patterns etc.. Would that person still remain happy and successful?
The path towards a meaningful, successful life might be tricky and hard to define for most people but we all know and recognize the path towards a miserable existence. The book brings that point home in a humorous way by pointing out different strategies you can use to optimize your misery. There's nothing here that's groundbreaking if you've read other pop psychology books. I did enjoy reading it however and it made examine some of my negative habits.
The path towards a meaningful, successful life might be tricky and hard to define for most people but we all know and recognize the path towards a miserable existence. The book brings that point home in a humorous way by pointing out different strategies you can use to optimize your misery. There's nothing here that's groundbreaking if you've read other pop psychology books. I did enjoy reading it however and it made examine some of my negative habits.
February 17, 2021
If you're going to pick up a self-help book, let this be one of them! It was not only entertaining and enlightening, but it also really helps put things into perspective. I think to an extent we all struggle with the idea that "we are not doing enough" or that "we could be doing more", and rather than criticize that behaviour, this book provides the reader with insight into what is actually happening when we either choose or choose not to do something or make a decision. It does not give any sense of false motivation or the classic "you can do if you just put your mind to it" but rather, "you can do it, if you understand your needs and where you're at".
It's all about that window of tolerance!
It's all about that window of tolerance!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 349 reviews