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This is US: The New All-American Family
It was no mystery why California had 98,000 children stuck in foster care. There were not 98,003 because I was stubborn. When David Marin fell in love with three abandoned children desperately in need of a home, there was only one thing he could do. Give up his relatively carefree life and learn how to become a parent. In the process, he found the future he had always wanted, but he also learned some hard lessons about single-parent adoption, the Kafkaesque side of Social Services, and America's anti-immigrant Heartbreaking, funny, and inspiring, This Is US chronicles Marin’s quest to create a better life for these children—and for himself.
263 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
11 people are currently reading
163 people want to read
About the author
David Marin
24 books7 followers Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
March 8, 2017
Martin could have benefited from a good editor. The basic premise of the book is heartwarmingly delightful: a single guy adopts three biological siblings from foster care to form a beautiful family. There are quite a few funny lines, some of which even made me laugh out loud. There are also a number of charming scenes. But the over-all effect is that the book is only the sum of its parts, and no more.
Things I didn't much appreciate about the book, in no particular order. There are no small number of grammar errors and typos. The chronological story arc is interspersed, seemingly randomly, with chapters about specific individuals which break up any sense of flow or progression to the book. There is a lot of material that was self-consciously trying to be funny. The book takes every opportunity to highlight how brown the kids are, even when it is irrelevant to the particular scene. Finally, Martin doesn't distinguish between details that contribute to the fundamental story and details that, while they are important to him, are not important to his narrative. For example, there is a chapter that details an entire day-long meeting with a lawyer about a civil law suit Martin is filing against his former employer.
Things I didn't much appreciate about Martin's characterization of himself, in no particular order. Martin takes an automatically adversarial stance towards the social services department and every employee therein, unless and until that specific employee gives him good reasons to cooperate. He also treats his kids' biological family members as his enemies. Martin talks about the beauty of embracing a multicultural America and accepting everyone regardless of their skin color, but often uses a patronizing tone towards field workers. Martin speaks about himself "rescuing" kids that "nobody wants." Martin goes into great detail about his high income and material assets. He also mocks one of his children's former foster families for dressing the kids in second-hand clothes. Martin is 100% convinced that he's a super great guy and all of his choices and opinions are awesome. A little humility would have gone a long way.
Two final notes. First, Martin gives a fair bit of time to the fact that he's a novice parent when the children move in. The mistakes and failings that he admits to, though, are largely about the jobs of parenting: not knowing how to paint his daughter's nails, packing too much junk food in school lunches, and buying toys that are too strictly gendered, for example. He only admits to one mistake in the relationship aspect of parenting. Specifically, he had to learn to ask, "How did that make you feel?" instead of just trying to fix every challenge his kids experience. While there's definitely a learning curve to parenting jobs, I find it improbable that the jobs are hard for Martin but the parenting relationship just sails along perfectly smoothly all the time.
Second, Martin outlines his philosophy of caring for his kids as "just let them be kids." But for children with trauma backgrounds, simply having a bunch of normal childhood experiences often isn't enough for them to overcome their history. Maybe Martin's kids don't have any worrisome behavior patterns, and if that's true, I'm so glad. But for parents in the trenches dealing with trauma-related challenges in their foster or adoptive children, Martin's rosy picture may be discouraging rather than uplifting.
Things I didn't much appreciate about the book, in no particular order. There are no small number of grammar errors and typos. The chronological story arc is interspersed, seemingly randomly, with chapters about specific individuals which break up any sense of flow or progression to the book. There is a lot of material that was self-consciously trying to be funny. The book takes every opportunity to highlight how brown the kids are, even when it is irrelevant to the particular scene. Finally, Martin doesn't distinguish between details that contribute to the fundamental story and details that, while they are important to him, are not important to his narrative. For example, there is a chapter that details an entire day-long meeting with a lawyer about a civil law suit Martin is filing against his former employer.
Things I didn't much appreciate about Martin's characterization of himself, in no particular order. Martin takes an automatically adversarial stance towards the social services department and every employee therein, unless and until that specific employee gives him good reasons to cooperate. He also treats his kids' biological family members as his enemies. Martin talks about the beauty of embracing a multicultural America and accepting everyone regardless of their skin color, but often uses a patronizing tone towards field workers. Martin speaks about himself "rescuing" kids that "nobody wants." Martin goes into great detail about his high income and material assets. He also mocks one of his children's former foster families for dressing the kids in second-hand clothes. Martin is 100% convinced that he's a super great guy and all of his choices and opinions are awesome. A little humility would have gone a long way.
Two final notes. First, Martin gives a fair bit of time to the fact that he's a novice parent when the children move in. The mistakes and failings that he admits to, though, are largely about the jobs of parenting: not knowing how to paint his daughter's nails, packing too much junk food in school lunches, and buying toys that are too strictly gendered, for example. He only admits to one mistake in the relationship aspect of parenting. Specifically, he had to learn to ask, "How did that make you feel?" instead of just trying to fix every challenge his kids experience. While there's definitely a learning curve to parenting jobs, I find it improbable that the jobs are hard for Martin but the parenting relationship just sails along perfectly smoothly all the time.
Second, Martin outlines his philosophy of caring for his kids as "just let them be kids." But for children with trauma backgrounds, simply having a bunch of normal childhood experiences often isn't enough for them to overcome their history. Maybe Martin's kids don't have any worrisome behavior patterns, and if that's true, I'm so glad. But for parents in the trenches dealing with trauma-related challenges in their foster or adoptive children, Martin's rosy picture may be discouraging rather than uplifting.
March 23, 2017
David Marin is single and feels his male biological clock ticking and decides to get his foster care license with the intent on adoption. He ends up with three Hispanic siblings Javier, Adrianna and Craig (or is it Chris, the foster care system doesnt even know). David falls in love with these three children immediately and lets social services know right away that he wants to adopt them. There are many obstacles: some socials workers dont think he should be allowed to adopt them because he is single; no one seemed to know what to do and when to do it, leading to classes having to be retaken, fingerprints done three times, etc; classes that he needed to take being cancelled because the facilitator had a cold; papers lost and papers not filed in time or incomplete; having to entertain ANY blood relative children asking for custody only to have them drop out or disappear.
Mr. Marin is a great writer. Even when he is quoting statistics, I enjoyed it. He is funny and engaging and his love for the three children shines through with such force, I got goosebumps.
Mr. Marin is a great writer. Even when he is quoting statistics, I enjoyed it. He is funny and engaging and his love for the three children shines through with such force, I got goosebumps.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 14, 2011
David Marin's account of adopting three children from Foster care is a delight. Witty, and laugh out loud funny in some places yet aggravating and sad in others. David Marin had to jump through more hoops than the average adoptive parent because he was a single man. Many social workers at DHS didn't want to place children with him and certainly didn't agree with placing three Latino children with a red haired man, never mind that David is half Puerto Rican.
He is stopped by cops, has set backs with the legal system and through it all he keeps his humor. Its amazing and uplifting. Then there are all the pitfalls to new parenting which as David is the first to admit, "small mammals know more about parenting" than he did. But yet her persevered, through racism, bosses that pushed him out because of his want of family and social workers who did everything to get in his way.
Anyone who can go through that and still have the ability to be witty and humble is amazing. His children are very lucky to have such a wonderful father.
He is stopped by cops, has set backs with the legal system and through it all he keeps his humor. Its amazing and uplifting. Then there are all the pitfalls to new parenting which as David is the first to admit, "small mammals know more about parenting" than he did. But yet her persevered, through racism, bosses that pushed him out because of his want of family and social workers who did everything to get in his way.
Anyone who can go through that and still have the ability to be witty and humble is amazing. His children are very lucky to have such a wonderful father.
October 7, 2011
I really enjoyed getting to know the author as well as the children. The author writes in the first person, making it easy to connect with him. The whole book is captivating, from the statistics he lists very frequently at the bottom of some pages to the adoption process. Normally, this type of book is not for me, but I am glad I picked it up. It is hard to summarize the plot without giving anything away, but I can say that the reader will not be bored at all. The adoption process is interesting and it is fun watching the author slowly assimilate to fatherhood. There are quite a few incidences in the book where people question his parenting...or even that the children are his, I enjoyed the way he handled the situation-typically calmly. I would recommend this book to adult readers.
May 29, 2011
Thank you www.my3books.com and Mesjak for the recommendation!
This is the story of one man and his challenges and sucesses in building a family. The heroes and villains of Social Services play a major role in this narrative memior of David Marin's efforts to adopt three siblings. Both his motivations and their story are discussed. Marin delves briefly into issues of immigration, adoption politics, race and education.
From the book:
If we react to discrimination by
Removing age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion from the way we look at people we'll instead look at ourselves as what we are, humans, unique each one, judged if at all, by character and deeds, not by shade, status, or past."
This is the story of one man and his challenges and sucesses in building a family. The heroes and villains of Social Services play a major role in this narrative memior of David Marin's efforts to adopt three siblings. Both his motivations and their story are discussed. Marin delves briefly into issues of immigration, adoption politics, race and education.
From the book:
If we react to discrimination by
Removing age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion from the way we look at people we'll instead look at ourselves as what we are, humans, unique each one, judged if at all, by character and deeds, not by shade, status, or past."
October 25, 2011
A true story about a single man and his quest to adopt three children out of the public system. Chronicling not only the troubles with our current child welfare system, but also its heroes. As a foster parent, I appreciate how well Marin conveys the challenges of working within the system, the joys and challenges of becoming a new parent, and the humor that exists in all of it.
An enjoyable and insightful read. Highly recommended.
Thank you David Marin for your story, and thank you even more for your perseverance and desire to make a difference in three young lives. You remind me of why we do what we do... not only as parents to our own children, but also to the ones that we welcome into our home as strangers.
This was a First-Reads selection.
An enjoyable and insightful read. Highly recommended.
Thank you David Marin for your story, and thank you even more for your perseverance and desire to make a difference in three young lives. You remind me of why we do what we do... not only as parents to our own children, but also to the ones that we welcome into our home as strangers.
This was a First-Reads selection.
February 4, 2012
David Marin's story of adopting three young Hispanic siblings as a single Hispanic man is both uplifting and depressing at the same time. A story of his struggles with Social Services and the love, rewards and success of his adoption are both interesting. Unfortunately his difficulties with the Social Services employees and bureaucracy, are too frequent. He portrays an easy, nearly seamless transition for the three children into their new lives and I am left to wonder if perhaps he airbrushed out the tough parts. While we should all consider adoption of the older children, people need to be prepared for the difficulties that come with adoption and parenthood in general.
May 3, 2014
3.5 stars
The premise of the book is excellent and had potential for a 4- (maybe even 5- if I were feeling extra-sentimental) star rating, but it suffered from the editing (or lack thereof.) It felt very disjointed at times and there were so many omissions and errors that the story was sometimes lost among the confusion (which probably made me feel how David did in his dealings with the ineptitudes of Social Services, so maybe not such a bad thing.) I found myself checking to see if I had an Advanced Readers copy. BUT, that being said, I'm better for having read it. It has heart and touches on some important issues.
The premise of the book is excellent and had potential for a 4- (maybe even 5- if I were feeling extra-sentimental) star rating, but it suffered from the editing (or lack thereof.) It felt very disjointed at times and there were so many omissions and errors that the story was sometimes lost among the confusion (which probably made me feel how David did in his dealings with the ineptitudes of Social Services, so maybe not such a bad thing.) I found myself checking to see if I had an Advanced Readers copy. BUT, that being said, I'm better for having read it. It has heart and touches on some important issues.
January 3, 2012
I have recently begun to note that I have become jaded with the state that humanity is in. It seems that almost the entirety of any news day revolves around negative actions committed by indecent people. This book accomplished something that I did not expect: it gave me renewed hope. Knowing that there is a man out there like David Marin makes me more confident not only in leaving my own comfort zone to attempt something genuinely good, but also that other people will leave theirs. A tremendous book.
November 2, 2011
This is a very heart warming and revealing story of a single man's attempt to adopt three Hispanic siblings. The author has a wicked sense of humor that he uses like a weapon. If hate bureaucracy and/or bigots (why wouldn't you hate them?)or if you love children, go now, get this book and read it. Heck even if you don't, go get this book and read it. I received this book as a giveaway from Goodreads.
October 24, 2011
Why are there so few men like David Marin? He should be made into a saint.This was a profoundly touching story of a single man's quest to become a father by adopting. This book also takes a sad look at the governments bureaucratic red tape involving the adoption process of foster children. I think this would be an excellent book for anyone who is thinking of adoption or fostering children. It was a little slow in places but still a good book.
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September 5, 2011Cindy?
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews